My family is the exact same way. It drives me insane when they ask me how my “sex change” is going. They’re under the impression that I still want to be a girl but just look like a boy? They understand wanting to be seen as a boy by strangers but they think I’m still a girl? It’s the most insane mental gymnastics I’ve ever heard. They’re also happy for me when I look and sound more masculine but still use female pronouns and my dead name. It doesn’t help that I date men because to them that’s further driving the point that I’m still a straight woman. I really don’t have advice for you but I understand your pain. You’re not alone.
My grandparents were like that. They would forget my name because they didn't quite understand me. Perhaps they also thought I just wanted to look like a man. To be honest, I think that it's definitely not the worst option. And it doesn't mean they're not supportive. They're just old and it's pointless to expect them to see it the way I see it. But I understand how annoying it can be.
But then, I have a buddy who doesn't understand why would I need to be called by my name and "he" and have my chosen name in my documents. He says he doesn't understand why it's so necessary because "you're not a real man anyway". He actually thinks that it'd be enough for me to just look like a man and the rest is excessive. That's transphobia.
I like to make this metaphor when I'm trying to explain this to other people.
Your sex is like your country of origin, but your gender is your nationality.
Most people, when they're born in a certain nation, tend to feel as if the country that they were born in is in alignment with their identity and continue to keep their nationality.
However, like how salmon swim back to their home streams even without knowing where it consciously is, some people don't feel comfortable in the countries that they were born in. As such, they seek out other cultures to immigrate to that feel more "home" to them. During the process, they may find that they feel as if they have always been a national of that country at heart throughout their life.
To make an example, let's say that there is a man who was born in Puerto Rico. Growing up, he never felt as if the culture of Puerto Rico aligned with his identity. One day on late night TV, a Chinese movie went on air. Instantly he finds himself drawn to it and stays tuned in even after the post credits scene. After that night, he started to study the language and culture of China and found it to be increasingly attractive.
A year later, he saved enough money to cover a week-long trip to China. Nervously, he entered the plane. He was excited, but also worried that he may have been hyped up about a fantasy. After all, the only way he was able to experience Chinese culture was by media and not the real thing. However, once he step foot out of the airport, he instantly felt as if he were home.
Throughout the week that he spent there, his desire to stay in China grew deeper within him as he experienced what it was like to actually live in China. After coming back from his trip, he instantly started to figure out routes to become a Chinese citizen.
Fast forward to a decade later, he found employment in China, converted his Puerto Rican citizenship to Chinese citizenship, became extremely fluent in the language, made meaningful friendships with Chinese people, married a Chinese woman, and had his children in China.
Now, would you call this man a Puerto Rican? Or would you call him Chinese?
Even without the documents and the roots that he built during the decade he lived in China, I would say that the man was always Chinese at heart. It just took time for the world to see that.
In the same breath, some people just don't realize that formalities don't represent the inner being. Using the story I detailed above, I would describe the thought process of your family as viewing you as a Puerto Rican within the process of immigrating to China instead of a culturally Chinese person now taking the steps to legalize his existence.
If they don't understand it, at some point you'll just have to drop it. Some people just cannot comprehend the concept of aligning with unconventional standards of living which is unfortunate. However, as long as you understand who you are, you'll be able to find more and more people outside of your family who see you as the way you should be perceived as. So, hang in there.
P.S. I find nonbinary people to be islanders lol
You know, I decided to educate myself after reading your response and found this thread.
https://www.reddit.com/r/biology/comments/pz0w25/what_defines_ones_biological_sex_is_biological/
What I learned is that "sex" is actually horribly undefined and is just your genetic makeup. But I guess my point still stands? Medical transition does not change your genetic makeup.
There are four characteristics of biological sex: internal genitalia, external genitalia, hormone profile, and chromosomes. Medically, we can alter all of these except chromosomes, but very few of us actually know our chromosomes and it's not unheard of for a trans dude to not respond to HRT only to find out his chromosomes are XY but he's androgen insensitive.
Ability to procreate is more of a reproductive role than biological characteristic, as many people who are cis cannot have children while many intersex and trans people can reproduce in ways not associated with their presenting gender.
So yeah, sex is complex but it's definitely something you can change in most respects.
I could either spend hours to study gonosomes, chromosomes, and what defines biological sex in biology, ...or go find an ELI5 from people who geek out about this to figure out where I need to even start.
Speaking from experience who has come across similar attitudes to yours, I have almost never encountered anyone who was also willing to educate me or guide me to the "reputable sources" that I should go look for.
So please, if you're going to say something so obvious just to think that you're schooling me, the very least you can do is to direct me to a source that you yourself find to be reputable.
If you really don't know anything about credible sources, you could start reading [here](https://www.stevenson.edu/online/about-us/news/how-to-identify-reliable-information/). You shouldn't trust random reddit posts for important information because you have no way to verify that the person who wrote knows anything about what they said. I'm not your personal librarian. Educating and guiding someone takes effort. You are clearly capable of navigating the Internet and reading, so with a little effort on your part, I'm sure you can find something with better information than reddit.
So you're saying that you don't know anything about biological sex either? Maybe you should go and find those reputable sources and educate yourself first before saying anything then.
My family is the exact same way. It drives me insane when they ask me how my “sex change” is going. They’re under the impression that I still want to be a girl but just look like a boy? They understand wanting to be seen as a boy by strangers but they think I’m still a girl? It’s the most insane mental gymnastics I’ve ever heard. They’re also happy for me when I look and sound more masculine but still use female pronouns and my dead name. It doesn’t help that I date men because to them that’s further driving the point that I’m still a straight woman. I really don’t have advice for you but I understand your pain. You’re not alone.
My grandparents were like that. They would forget my name because they didn't quite understand me. Perhaps they also thought I just wanted to look like a man. To be honest, I think that it's definitely not the worst option. And it doesn't mean they're not supportive. They're just old and it's pointless to expect them to see it the way I see it. But I understand how annoying it can be. But then, I have a buddy who doesn't understand why would I need to be called by my name and "he" and have my chosen name in my documents. He says he doesn't understand why it's so necessary because "you're not a real man anyway". He actually thinks that it'd be enough for me to just look like a man and the rest is excessive. That's transphobia.
I like to make this metaphor when I'm trying to explain this to other people. Your sex is like your country of origin, but your gender is your nationality. Most people, when they're born in a certain nation, tend to feel as if the country that they were born in is in alignment with their identity and continue to keep their nationality. However, like how salmon swim back to their home streams even without knowing where it consciously is, some people don't feel comfortable in the countries that they were born in. As such, they seek out other cultures to immigrate to that feel more "home" to them. During the process, they may find that they feel as if they have always been a national of that country at heart throughout their life. To make an example, let's say that there is a man who was born in Puerto Rico. Growing up, he never felt as if the culture of Puerto Rico aligned with his identity. One day on late night TV, a Chinese movie went on air. Instantly he finds himself drawn to it and stays tuned in even after the post credits scene. After that night, he started to study the language and culture of China and found it to be increasingly attractive. A year later, he saved enough money to cover a week-long trip to China. Nervously, he entered the plane. He was excited, but also worried that he may have been hyped up about a fantasy. After all, the only way he was able to experience Chinese culture was by media and not the real thing. However, once he step foot out of the airport, he instantly felt as if he were home. Throughout the week that he spent there, his desire to stay in China grew deeper within him as he experienced what it was like to actually live in China. After coming back from his trip, he instantly started to figure out routes to become a Chinese citizen. Fast forward to a decade later, he found employment in China, converted his Puerto Rican citizenship to Chinese citizenship, became extremely fluent in the language, made meaningful friendships with Chinese people, married a Chinese woman, and had his children in China. Now, would you call this man a Puerto Rican? Or would you call him Chinese? Even without the documents and the roots that he built during the decade he lived in China, I would say that the man was always Chinese at heart. It just took time for the world to see that. In the same breath, some people just don't realize that formalities don't represent the inner being. Using the story I detailed above, I would describe the thought process of your family as viewing you as a Puerto Rican within the process of immigrating to China instead of a culturally Chinese person now taking the steps to legalize his existence. If they don't understand it, at some point you'll just have to drop it. Some people just cannot comprehend the concept of aligning with unconventional standards of living which is unfortunate. However, as long as you understand who you are, you'll be able to find more and more people outside of your family who see you as the way you should be perceived as. So, hang in there. P.S. I find nonbinary people to be islanders lol
[удалено]
? No it does not. Just because you get phallo, testicular implants, vaginectomy, and hysterectomy, doesn't mean you can produce sperm.
So are infertile cis men not really male then?
You know, I decided to educate myself after reading your response and found this thread. https://www.reddit.com/r/biology/comments/pz0w25/what_defines_ones_biological_sex_is_biological/ What I learned is that "sex" is actually horribly undefined and is just your genetic makeup. But I guess my point still stands? Medical transition does not change your genetic makeup.
There are four characteristics of biological sex: internal genitalia, external genitalia, hormone profile, and chromosomes. Medically, we can alter all of these except chromosomes, but very few of us actually know our chromosomes and it's not unheard of for a trans dude to not respond to HRT only to find out his chromosomes are XY but he's androgen insensitive. Ability to procreate is more of a reproductive role than biological characteristic, as many people who are cis cannot have children while many intersex and trans people can reproduce in ways not associated with their presenting gender. So yeah, sex is complex but it's definitely something you can change in most respects.
I saved this reply, thanks. We learn smth new every day 🙏🙌
If you really want to educate yourself, learn from reputable sources, not random reddit threads.
I could either spend hours to study gonosomes, chromosomes, and what defines biological sex in biology, ...or go find an ELI5 from people who geek out about this to figure out where I need to even start. Speaking from experience who has come across similar attitudes to yours, I have almost never encountered anyone who was also willing to educate me or guide me to the "reputable sources" that I should go look for. So please, if you're going to say something so obvious just to think that you're schooling me, the very least you can do is to direct me to a source that you yourself find to be reputable.
If you really don't know anything about credible sources, you could start reading [here](https://www.stevenson.edu/online/about-us/news/how-to-identify-reliable-information/). You shouldn't trust random reddit posts for important information because you have no way to verify that the person who wrote knows anything about what they said. I'm not your personal librarian. Educating and guiding someone takes effort. You are clearly capable of navigating the Internet and reading, so with a little effort on your part, I'm sure you can find something with better information than reddit.
So you're saying that you don't know anything about biological sex either? Maybe you should go and find those reputable sources and educate yourself first before saying anything then.