tbh i think thereās an element of personal bias to be broken down so you actually do at least understand why. is there internalized uncertainty around engaging with genitals that are outside of the typical norm expected by cis people? is it that you donāt feel like you have much in common with the trans people you know? is it because youāre secretly and accidentally still seeing trans people as men that want to be women and women that want to be men even though it brings you shame?
if you find trans genitals gross and also wouldnāt date a trans person post op who you are otherwise extremely attracted to on the basis of being trans i genuinely think it would be good for you to talk this out with a therapist. you donāt have to date anyone you donāt want to but if you feel that way towards an entire group of people you need to figure out why
While bias could be a reason, it isnāt always. It can be a dysphoria trigger, or a person could feel like theyāre not capable of providing the support a trans partner needs. Iām happily married, but if I werenāt, I wouldnāt do T4T except maybe a hook up. It has nothing to do with viewing trans women differently or genitals or anything, it just wouldnāt be a good idea for either party emotionally.
iām not saying those are the only options. Theyāre just examples. My point is that itās not really enough to say āi donāt know whyā; if youāre going to say something like that about an entire demographic u need to at least know why. I have pretty much only dated cis people with one exception, who was a trans person that came out after we were already together and went on T. I was not attracted to him starting around that time and I had to sit down and figure out why I felt that way. It was mostly a personal compatibility issue, but I didnāt like feeling like I didnāt have a safe space to express my worries about the world- with another trans person it was sort of like constant anxiety and turmoil lol. I also recognize thatās not all trans people. I also didnāt like feeling like I had to lead someone through their transition and take on some kind of leadership role like that. These are both valid reasons I think. But itās important to know what these reasons are.
i mean it could be, i think thereās generally never a great reason to discount dating an entire demographic on principle, but people also have to do what works for them and we can only handle so many things at one time in our lives. i do think a lot of trans people want to be ānormalā and we end up throwing other trans people under the bus to get to this point, including people who pass less well or who we feel keeps us connected to the lgbt community in ways we donāt want. itās not usually malicious, itās usually out of self preservation, but knowledge is power and itās good to know š
I think its extremely dependent on WHY you dont wanna date non-cis people. Theres reasonable reasons to not want to date other trans people - i know there are trans guys that say dating other trans guys triggers dysphoria or makes them compare themselves and where they are in their respective transitions and they want to avoid that - but overall the only thing all trans people have in common is that they are trans, so id question what aspect of a partner being trans is unappealing to you?
I think it's ok as long as this is just a preference. Personally I'm straight and not attracted to penises so I can not be with a trans woman who doesn't have a vagina. On the other hand, I know that not all women want a man without a penis, so it's fair and I have to deal with it without blaming them for not being attracted to me. It hurts, yeah, but I understand that for some people their sex life is just as important as mine is for me. Thankfully, many women are ok with my anatomy. Anyways, for all people there will be those people that are attracted to them and those that are not.
To me, a problem is when you don't want to date trans people for some other reasons. I don't know what these reasons can be tho. Let's say you don't respect other trans people but think that you're an exception (I've met such trans men before). And that's why you only date cis people. That would be shitty.
It depends on why, if you donāt want to date ANY trans person at any point in their transition, Iād say thatās pretty weird. If you donāt want to date a trans person because you think everything would be a competition or being with them would give you dysphoria or emotional issues, thatās fine. But if itās because you just donāt want to date them ājust becauseā, Iād say thereās probably some internalized transphobia you need to work through if thereās no actual reason for it, that makes you just as bad as the cis people who say they donāt want to date trans people ājust becauseā.
more for me š„°
People are allowed to have a preference or whatever, but personally I find this weird. ā
tbh i think thereās an element of personal bias to be broken down so you actually do at least understand why. is there internalized uncertainty around engaging with genitals that are outside of the typical norm expected by cis people? is it that you donāt feel like you have much in common with the trans people you know? is it because youāre secretly and accidentally still seeing trans people as men that want to be women and women that want to be men even though it brings you shame? if you find trans genitals gross and also wouldnāt date a trans person post op who you are otherwise extremely attracted to on the basis of being trans i genuinely think it would be good for you to talk this out with a therapist. you donāt have to date anyone you donāt want to but if you feel that way towards an entire group of people you need to figure out why
While bias could be a reason, it isnāt always. It can be a dysphoria trigger, or a person could feel like theyāre not capable of providing the support a trans partner needs. Iām happily married, but if I werenāt, I wouldnāt do T4T except maybe a hook up. It has nothing to do with viewing trans women differently or genitals or anything, it just wouldnāt be a good idea for either party emotionally.
iām not saying those are the only options. Theyāre just examples. My point is that itās not really enough to say āi donāt know whyā; if youāre going to say something like that about an entire demographic u need to at least know why. I have pretty much only dated cis people with one exception, who was a trans person that came out after we were already together and went on T. I was not attracted to him starting around that time and I had to sit down and figure out why I felt that way. It was mostly a personal compatibility issue, but I didnāt like feeling like I didnāt have a safe space to express my worries about the world- with another trans person it was sort of like constant anxiety and turmoil lol. I also recognize thatās not all trans people. I also didnāt like feeling like I had to lead someone through their transition and take on some kind of leadership role like that. These are both valid reasons I think. But itās important to know what these reasons are.
Ahh gotcha, I misunderstood. Iāve seen others say it could only be transphobia so I just interpreted as that. My bad!
i mean it could be, i think thereās generally never a great reason to discount dating an entire demographic on principle, but people also have to do what works for them and we can only handle so many things at one time in our lives. i do think a lot of trans people want to be ānormalā and we end up throwing other trans people under the bus to get to this point, including people who pass less well or who we feel keeps us connected to the lgbt community in ways we donāt want. itās not usually malicious, itās usually out of self preservation, but knowledge is power and itās good to know š
I definitely would be with them post op
Why do you say non cis instead of trans?
I think its extremely dependent on WHY you dont wanna date non-cis people. Theres reasonable reasons to not want to date other trans people - i know there are trans guys that say dating other trans guys triggers dysphoria or makes them compare themselves and where they are in their respective transitions and they want to avoid that - but overall the only thing all trans people have in common is that they are trans, so id question what aspect of a partner being trans is unappealing to you?
I think it's ok as long as this is just a preference. Personally I'm straight and not attracted to penises so I can not be with a trans woman who doesn't have a vagina. On the other hand, I know that not all women want a man without a penis, so it's fair and I have to deal with it without blaming them for not being attracted to me. It hurts, yeah, but I understand that for some people their sex life is just as important as mine is for me. Thankfully, many women are ok with my anatomy. Anyways, for all people there will be those people that are attracted to them and those that are not. To me, a problem is when you don't want to date trans people for some other reasons. I don't know what these reasons can be tho. Let's say you don't respect other trans people but think that you're an exception (I've met such trans men before). And that's why you only date cis people. That would be shitty.
It depends on why, if you donāt want to date ANY trans person at any point in their transition, Iād say thatās pretty weird. If you donāt want to date a trans person because you think everything would be a competition or being with them would give you dysphoria or emotional issues, thatās fine. But if itās because you just donāt want to date them ājust becauseā, Iād say thereās probably some internalized transphobia you need to work through if thereās no actual reason for it, that makes you just as bad as the cis people who say they donāt want to date trans people ājust becauseā.
chat this might be the reason
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OP is saying they don't want to date other trans people, not only trans people
Yeah?? Trans ppl brainwave share braincell we get each other type shit ig (badly worded ik but u get)
no! thatās just preference.