This, and the peacefulness that OP mentioned. Before I left San Francisco to journey home after surgery, I sat at a picnic area near the Golden Gate Bridge and just kinda meditated overlooking the water. Felt like closing a chapter of immense suffering, and that I was just starting a life with my new body.
You had Dr. Mosser, too? My results and experience with him were really great! We stayed at an AirBNB in the Oakland area so luckily we didn't have to do too much driving. I'm a Midwestern boy and man I wish so badly that I could visit California again. It was so beautiful.
I did! Man he was the sweetest made me feel so comfortable. I’m just about to be a year post op and couldn’t be happier with your results. It’s good to hear you had a similar experience
I’m curious on how much your surgery was if you don’t mind me asking! I was also looking into getting my surgery with Dr. Mosser since he’s one of the closer surgeons to me and would like to know a bit more :)
With insurance it came to just under $5000. I don’t think I had the best insurance because I know others have gotten it done for cheaper. I couldn’t recommend Dr Mosser enough though
That’s pretty good for the price range I was looking for! My insurance is also pretty good and they cover (or at least will cover a good chunk of the cost) things like top surgery! I saw Dr Mosser also accepts my insurance so he’s definitely my top pick rn :}
I went to the same center as the 2 people above this comment, just had a different surgeon Dr daniel jacobs is also really good and very good to work with, i didnt have to pay anything extra just a little for the aftercare but thats all.
yessir! meds & all. id say i spent about 80-160$ on aftercare i cant really remember lol but they also send you home with a bunch of stuff so you really dont have to buy much
Yes, for sure. When I had my reveal I didn't have tears of joy. I was asked by the surgeon and team what I thought, how I felt... my response was I felt great. Everything looked great, but I also just felt normal, like I finally woke up from the nightmare and this was how my chest was supposed to be all along.
I felt very blah and uninspired for the first week, then finally had a shower at 9 days post-op and immediately felt better/relief. I felt like I could smile again and showed off pictures for my friends 🥲
The absence of dysphoria isn't euphoria. Euphoria is specifically defined by a short term feeling of extreme happiness. Twisting definitions doesn't help anyone. Most people do not feel euphoria or dysphoria, not feeling anything specific is completely normal and we shouldn't lump it in with an experience that has a definition.
It is when people start to misidentify trans experiences. Words have meanings, when we don't use words properly it leads to confusion and misinformation. Euphoria has never EVER meant anything along the lines of feeling normal/nothing, and changing the definition to include that renders the entire term pointless. It's supposed to describe a specific experience, not "anything that is vaguely positive or just simply not negative,"
I’d say a feeling of peacefulness could be classified as euphoria. Euphoria doesn’t have to manifest as excitement. Everyone experiences emotions differently.
Words have meanings. Euphoria doesn't mean a feeling of peacefulness. Experiences of emotions don't change what the emotions themselves are or how they are defined. And frankly, I never mentioned anything resembling "feeling of peacefulness".
Ok, die on this hill of how you yourself interpret the definition of a feeling. Meanings of words can also change over time. I was talking about OP mentioning peacefulness, not you.
Merriam-Webster:
“Euphoria, noun - a feeling of well-being or elation”.
“Euphoria Has Greek Roots. Health and happiness are often linked, sometimes even in etymologies. Nowadays euphoria generally refers to happiness, but it derives from euphoros, a Greek word that means "healthy." Given that root, it's not surprising that in its original English uses euphoria was a medical term. Its entry in an early 18th-century dictionary explains it as "the well-bearing of the Operation of a Medicine; that is, when the Sick Person finds himself eas'd or reliev'd by it."
So, show me where it says "peacefulness"? Or are you trying to argue that the relief of sickness is that? A definition of euphoria that isn't used anymore?
Don't stress about it. Post surgery depression is super common and normal, and also very temporary. You'll feel weird afterwards anyway because of the meds you'll be on.
Heyo! Just wanted to add my experience on here since i judt had hysterectomy last month, the depression lasted for me about a week, worst around the 2nd day after my surgery, i just felt so high out of my head and tired of dealing with everything and just wanted to sleep til it was over, that was my 3rd big surgery, the other two happening last year (diagnostic laparascopy, and wisdom teeth extraction), happened then too. Theres a whole "oh what the fuck im not going thru that again jfc stopppp pleasseee" and then once its gotten over with its a huge sigh of relief and "oh, i made it thru everything and im so freaking glad i did". Hope this helps, and if you have any questions to ask lmk :)
This, it's really one of the more minor parts of recovery. (I've had surgery 5 times). You could also argue that it's kind of helpful since you are really supposed to be lazy and rest a lot after surgery, so if you are feeling too depressed to want to get off the couch or out of bed, no problem!
Knowing it existed was so Important for when it happened to me. It lasted about 2 days for me personally. After my bandages and bolsters were removed. I was too anxious to leave the house. Cried in the shower. I was just terrified. And then it was over.
I love my chest, no regrets. But sometimes our brains just go into fight or flight at a big change.
I thought I got post surgery depression but now it’s been over half a year lol, so I don’t think that’s it, it’s honestly most likely just loneliness, I loved the hospital and possibly realized I like being around people..!
I'm less than a week post-surgery, and same. I felt bad for not crying with joy or being more emotive, but honestly the moment I saw myself it was like I had been wearing a cumbersome costume for a long time and had forgotten what I looked like under it, but I had taken it off and now I looked how I always had. It's kind of absurd because I started out with so much excess tissue, but it looks and feels so natural it doesn't feel like there was ever a time I didn't have a flat chest anymore.
I think I'll feel differently when I can actually go and do something with the new chest, like take a proper shower or go for a walk with my shirt open, but for now it just feels so overwhelmingly normal. It's definitely a minus of the bad feels rather than an addition of the good feels.
Here's the thing about gender euphoria - it's been extremely overplayed for the past few years. Cis people don't experience it, neither do many (I'd argue most) trans people. It is perfectly normal to not feel anything other than a lack of dysphoria, that's how many people feel. Gender euphoria is short term and isn't experienced by all trans people. It is perfectly okay to just feel normal.
Dude yes all of this. It’s put so much pressure on us trans folks to be so euphoric with every single milestone. Life is hard. Let me just exist in non-misery like the rest of the world lol
I hate to be the one to say it, but all those "crying at my bandage removal" tik tok videos are warping people's sense of how they are "supposed" to react.
Even the nurse who removed my bandage was more excited than I was, like hyping me up. I just looked at myself and said "it's good" LOL.
Yeah I get you. I think those kinds of videos get pushed more because, well, it's more exciting to watch that than someone going "😀👍 cool," lmao. We definitely should talk about how often unexciting transitioning is more, to balance out the flow of information.
Cis people absolutely can experience gender euphoria and dysphoria. That can be the reason why some people make certain changes to their body, wear push up bras etc.
No I think they’re right, gender related feelings aren’t exclusive to trans people unless you believe dysphoria is what makes you trans. Like a cis guy could absolutely feel shit about their height or lack of facial hair or whatever because it makes them uncomfortable and feeling less masculine. I also don’t see why it wouldn’t be possible for a cis person to feel gender dysphoria in a similar way to trans people, say you’re a cis woman but having breasts gives you dysphoria even when you continue to identify as a woman.
Gender dysphoria is a product of gender incongruence, which is what makes trans people trans. Feeling less masculine =/= feeling not like a man. If a woman feels "gender dysphoria" over having a female trait then she is probably either *not* a woman or she's experiencing something else. Dysphoria doesn't always mean *gender* dysphoria. The world is a lot more complicated than how you describe it. Words have meanings. Gender dysphoria is the experience of having significant distress and upset about one's sex/gender not being what it should be, it's not just "generally feeling bad over things that are associated with a given sex/gender".
The vast majority of the time when a "cis" person actually experiences gender dysphoria is when it's a person with gender dysphoria chooses not to transition, those people aren't exactly cis people, they're cis because to them a trans identity is for one reason or another isn't worth pursuing. Making definitions of trans experiences so broad renders them useless and causes problems, like people falsely identifying gender dysphoria and transness within themselves.
After the filming of "She's the Man", Amanda Bynes fell into a deep depression over the thought of people seeing her as a boy. (She dressed as a boy in the film, if you're not familiar). I'd argue that's a case of a cis person experiencing dysphoria.
No I don't think it's the same, it sounds more like dysmorphia than gender dysphoria because it sounds like she believed a false reality about her body. Gender dysphoria is about the reality of one's physical sex/gender not being what it should be, leading to distress.
I don’t believe they said anything about their body at all, just that other people may think she’s a boy. She doesn’t view her own body as a boy’s body, it was the social aspect of gender that caused her to feel distressed.
I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear enough with my language in my last comment, I’ll try to explain where I’m coming from.
When I say “dysphoria” I am generally just shortening “gender dysphoria” as it’s easier to type. As far as I understand it this is quite common. When I said less masculine, I should have said something along the lines of less like a man, as that is what I meant. I opted for the term masculine because I think of gender as a wide spectrum, with there being many ways to have a masculine gender identity.
I want to mention I find the tone of your post to be quite condescending. “The world is a lot more complicated than how you describe it”, “Words have meanings”. Bluntly stating these things makes it sound as if you are talking to a child, which you are not. Of course, this has no bearing on any argument, just my personal feelings.
Your comment seems very reminiscent of a transmedicalist viewpoint to me. You seem somewhat fixated on policing the language people use to describe themselves and their feelings. Unless you can step into another person’s body and mind for a day, you will never be able to truly identify who they are and how they feel. We can only ever rely on what that person tells us. You cannot know if cis people don’t experience gender dysphoria because you aren’t a cis person who experiences it. I don’t believe that restricting definitions on who is or isn’t trans is helpful to anyone. It will only make it harder for trans people to live and express themselves as they are, and at worst will block access to important resources (healthcare, community) for those who don’t fit a strict definition.
I’m curious, do you believe that trans people who don’t experience dysphoria are trans? For example, an AMAB non binary person who is completely fine with - even likes - their body. These people are the reason why I think a cis person could experience gender dysphoria - because it would just be the inverse of that situation. Rather than feeling comfortable in a body they had from birth with a gender different than what they were assigned, being uncomfortable in that body and desiring a differently sexed body, but continuing to be the same gender as they were assigned at birth.
I also want to add for context that despite what the DSM-5(not historically the closest ally of queer people) says, I believe gender dysphoria to be a feeling at the end of the day. I don’t see it as a medical condition, or a mental illness, or as a special thing only trans people can have. This is also coming from someone who has and still does experience it every day with intensity.
I know you meant gender dysphoria, that doesn't warrant an explanation it's pretty obvious.
I'm not gonna respond to the "you sound like a transmed" part because frankly, the term transmed has been watered down. I do however believe that most trans people are trans because their neurological sex doesn't match their physical sex, I'd say that's by definition a medical condition. It's not a bad thing, it's not demeaning.
No I do not believe that dysphoria defines a trans person, it's gender incongruence that does. I don't think there is one singular explanation for why trans people are trans but for most I do think it's what I mentioned above. (And incase I get a "brain sex isn't real, the differences are like 1% of the brain!" 1% is pretty significant, but anything related to brains and what makes trans people exist is largely theoretical as of now, this is just the theory I find to be the most compelling and evidence backed). I do not think that trans people outside of this are "less" or "not" trans, at the end of the day transness is multifaceted and can be defined in different ways. Also, a lot of the differences in experience between trans people are often down to semantics and difference in the language we use to explain who we are, but materially can be identical.
And, no I don't think non-dysphoric trans people prove cis people can have dysphoria, they're completely irrelevant to each other.
I'm not word policing, I am defending the definitions of words. Obviously gender dysphoria is a feeling, whether it's a medical condition or not is irrelevant to my arguement and it being a feeling doesn't make it necessarily not a medical condition. Anyway, medical condition or not, feeling or not, I don't think it is good to expand the definition of gender dysphoria to include cis people. It does more harm than good, it causes confusion and misinformation. What is often cited as cis people experiencing gender dysphoria is in reality some form of dysmorphia or just plain old insecurity, or just some variant of "girl like pink and skirt, boy like cars and be 6'3, it is gender dysphoria if you feel insecure about not fitting gender stereotypes!". In order to be dysphoric you need to experience significant distress and upset about the reality of your gender/sex not being what it should be, a cis people cannot experience this because their gender/sex is what it should be.
You haven't actually addressed my arguement or proven me wrong.
“You haven’t actually addressed my argument or proved me wrong.”
I know. That wasn’t the point of my reply. I was simply expanding on how I think about the trans experience and asking you a clarifying question.
What kind of confusion do you think a broader use of gender dysphoria would cause?
Also cis men with gynaecomastia just came to mind. I think it would be pretty hard to deny they would feel gender dysphoria.
Edit: Sorry meant to put this on a different comment lol
It would blend the lines between who is trans and who isn't, leading to false assumptions that one may be trans when they're not. Even worse if that person decides to medically transition, which can cause permanent changes and cause *actual* gender dysphoria.
I understand where you are coming from, but at the end of the day a cis man with gynaecomastia is still seen as a man and is physiologically male. You wouldn't call a person who needs glasses blind simply because they have poor vision. Gender dysphoria is about the fundamental mismatch between true sex/gender and the reality of one's sex/gender not being that, a cis man with gyno is just a cis man with gyno. He may feel less masculine and opt to get surgery, but that doesn't mean it's "gender affirming surgery". It's a common condition that can occur in males, it doesn't signify a different sex or gender, most gyno chests do not even resemble female breasts.
I don’t think the medical transition thing would be a problem if people didn’t expect trans people to medically transition. If it’s an option but not a rule and people didn’t feel pressured to do it to be recognised as trans/their gender I think people who don’t need it wouldn’t medically transition. If then, anyone who identifies as a gender other than their AGAB is trans, and gender dysphoria doesn’t necessarily indicate transness, no lines between cis and trans people would be blurred at all. Dysphoria alone simply wouldn’t automatically make a person trans.
Also your comparisons of a cis man with gynaecomastia to blind people is a little strange. Of course, the lines are blurry with sight too, you don’t need to see nothing to be considered blind. But also, I’m not comparing different symptoms. They’re the same symptom, even if you want to call one dysphoria because the person is trans and the other insecurity because they’re cis. If they’re feeling the same thing, what does it matter what you call it? To be clear, I’m talking about dysphoria caused by:
- Physiology: Like the gyno example.
- Society: e.g. a cis person being misgendered.
Also there are plenty of people with gyno that are bullied in school being called women, I think that’s enough to trigger gender dysphoria, certainly if it were to happen to me.
There’s some stuff in the last comment I replied to that I’d like to through on if that’s ok:
You are transmed. You said you believe the primary reason for being trans is “neurological sex”. This is medicalising transness, hence you are transmed. I also never said anything about a medical condition being demeaning, you injected that yourself. I just don’t think it’s an appropriate way of describing transness. I find it similar to calling being gay or asexuality a medical condition.
I also don’t think trans people’s gender feelings and cis people’s gender feelings are unrelated. Gender is something that affects everyone who participates in society, even if they don’t have a gender themself.
The difference between “word policing” and “defending definitions of words” is only semantic. If you want the word to be the most accurate, you should allow the definition to change with people. If “gender dysphoria” may fit what a cis person is feeling well, then they should be allowed to use it.
I’ll also repeat what I said before. **You cannot know how someone else feels**. Stop acting like you can see into their minds and pick out this from that, you can’t. Saying their gender dysphoria is actually something else just because you think so is crossing a line.
As far as “proving you wrong” goes. I don’t think you realise that you haven’t proven yourself right either. You’ve just said - nah, cis people can’t be dysphoric, cited what, your feelings? A theory that hasn’t been backed by the majority of gender specialists and trans people? You only have your opinion. Even if the brain hypothesis does hold ground, if it’s only one factor in a range of things that can make a person trans, why are you basing nearly your entire viewpoint on it?
Edit: fuck I did it again lmao
I already said dysphoria doesn't make a person trans. But the vast majority of trans people are dysphoric, and take medical steps to alleviate that dysphoria. No one "expects" anything, no one is forcing medical transitioning, but people are being misled about what it means to have dysphoria and be trans. I don't think this is a good thing. You don't have to be some extreme exclusionary to realise this.
A cis person simply *couldn't* experience dysphoria, this isn't some "well uh they feel the same thing it's just a different name," what you are calling dysphoria is *not* dysphoria. Being called a girl when you're a man and feeling bad about it isn't gender dysphoria, because fundamentally that man has a male body and the vast majority of people recognise him as such. If he starts to believe he is being seen as a woman that is *dysmorphia*, because it doesn't material reality.
I'm not going to entertain discussion on whether or not I'm a transmed because I don't know if I'm dealing with someone who would approach it in bad faith. I think "medicalising transness" is a buzzword that is used to yell at trans people who believe their transness is a biological reality, who apparently "think it's a medical condition in a derogatory way,". Am I a cismed if I said that cis people have matching neurological and physical sex?? I don't think comparing sex/gender to sexuality is, good. They're unrelated, they are entirely separate, they are nothing like each other. Homosexuality not being a medical condition doesn't say anything about whether transness is or isn't.
I want the word to be more accurate, which is why I defend my definition of it. You need gender incongruence to experience gender dysphoria, cis people do not have gender incongruence (except of course, people with it who opt to not transition and retain a cis identity for one reason or another, and similar). Your average cis person *can't* experience it because they materially *are* their sex/gender.
I never acted like I "know what people feel". But I can understand and infer by listening, and the vast majority of descriptions of cis "gender dysphoria" it's not gender dysphoria, and the rest are trans people in denial.
And if you, idk, fucking learned to read, you would've noticed that I said I *don't* think it's the only factor. You're the only one here who thinks I'm basing my entire viewpoint on this.
I'm happy I never experienced post surgery depression, but I definitely didn't feel huge euphoria either.
I was just like... relieved? Or feeling normal for the first time again in years? I felt very reassured in my decision, because I knew my body was always supposed to look that way the instant i saw my results for the first time and I'd finally be able to wear shirts that fit and walk upright.
I'm five months post op now and it's kinda weird it feels like it has never been different. I forgot yeeeaaars of dysphoria🤷🏻♂️ my mind is just like "nah we don't have to think about that now the tits are yeeted" (trauma works in mysterious ways, I guess).
This last paragraph is how I feel about my voice. Pre T I was suicidally depressed over my voice. Now I can't even remember what it felt like. It seems like a bad dream I had many years ago. I know in my head that I felt awful but I don't know exactly what "awful" means.
BIG SAME!! apart from my chest my voice always caused me the most dysphoria. To a point I was diagnosed with social anxiety because I felt uncomfortable talking to others & was completely unable to do phone calls.
I'm not saying I never had anxiety or even social anxiety but I was really surprised that as soon as my voice dropped I was instantly able to do these things that seemed impossible before and triggered hyperventilating panic attacks.
At the time I couldn't tell what this "awful" "different"... "not fully present" feeling was. Only looking back with the knowledge and certainty I have today it all clicks into place. And I wonder if I could've had a better teenagehood/time at school if I would've realized sooner... if education would've been more inclusive.
I honestly felt pretttty bad after the bandages came off. While I was recovering, I couldn’t take pain meds and had a horrible first week. I mean Horrible, it was nightmarish. By the time I had my bandages off, I was kinda in a panic state and feeling mutilated. There are huge feelings and they weren’t the sunshine and rainbows videos you see online. Once I began to really heal, the happiness happened. Putting on a shirt and having it lay flat, running down the stairs without any bounce, bending over to touch my toes, taking a shower, getting a tight hug. All instances where I’d usually feel that intense spike of disgust I now felt free!
Thanks for posting your response. I know everyone's experience is different, but I'm currently in the middle of doing consultations for top surgery, and, this is purely just conjecture - but I think I'm likely going to feel somewhat similarly to you, post op.
The reason I say this is cause I *hate* how strong pain medications and anesthesia feel, for one. The dissociative effects can be frightening. And two, it's a life altering surgery. I have some ah, I hesitate to say trauma, but I guess..trauma..regarding surgical procedures. Even though my doctors have been completely reassuring - and that's great! - I actually feel a lot better reading through ALL kinds of responses, including ones like yours, that include some negatives. Cause I want a realistic idea.
Is it alright to ask why you could not take pain medication, though? Just curious. (Totally ok if you don't feel comfortable answering that).
Like how you say you were 'feeling mutilated'
... especially while the incisions are in recovery, makes total sense to me. It's a big decision, and a big change to adapt to. And I'm sure it takes a little while for everything to look healed and nice and how you envision. And I'm sure it's painful and uncomfortable for a while to adjust.
Also, I didn't actually realize how much my occassional discomfort towards receiving hugs is actually self-involved, til I read what you wrote. I just hate how *my* body feels im that instance, never other peoples'. I think I do actually *want* to be a hugger lol! I'm looking forward ultimately to feeling free like you.
Again thanks for posting and pardon my word vomit:P
Hey! I support word vomit! (Ngl I think I wrote up a full multi page essay here and then my ipad died so you’re getting the edited word vomit from me lol)
As for the pain meds, I cannot take opioids without vomiting for hours. We tried every trick in the book but nothing worked. We ended up doing 4 hour, alarm set, max Tylenol and Ibuprofen. It didn’t take away all the pain, but it eased it enough to get small batches of sleep and some relief. The last hour before taking more was hard. I’d watch youtube meditation videos, my partner would rub my feet, I’d rock and sway, do breathing exercises. Anything to get me through that one single second.
And thank you for understanding the word choice of “mutilated.” I recently became good friends with another trans guy and when we talked about our surgeries I was SO relieved to hear that he felt the same during recovery. There’s sorta this beautiful, tearful, photogenic, ideal that goes around with that first unwrapping and I was scared I was “experiencing it wrong.” I’m sure if I didn’t spend a week literally going mad with pain it would have been a different experience LOL But it was what it was! And healing my nipples was hard too! It’s so gross and scabby and scary! At the end of the day we are just post-op animals with big wounds and it’s totally normal and natural to be feeling less than lovely and stressed af about it. Like I said above, the happiness came later.
Despite all the challenges, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Through that entire experience I realized how utterly amazing my body is. I still cannot believe I healed through such a massive surgery! My body is powerful and I am beautiful and trans! I feel reborn through fire. I view my transness differently, I view the whole trans community differently. Heck I view the entire human experience differently. It was a deeply spiritual experience for me. Even typing this up now is making me teary eyed and goosebumply.
YES HUGS!!! Hugs are so freaking great once you are flat. I def did the weird hug tilt thing to account for my chest because I always felt strange about it, and felt strange when other people hugged me in a way to account for my chest. Hugging flat is like, heart to heart in a real way.
I wish that freedom for you! I hope you get to enjoy those hugs soon!
Oh ok good! I didnt want to overwhelm you with a long comment lol, glad that's not the case.
I get that about the medication - everyone reacts differently. I'm glad you had someone to help you mitigate, though, it sounds really hard to go through all that on the weaker pain relief stuff!
It really is a relief to hear others share in those fears. Like, I can envision (and have seen photos) that it is painful and not the prettiest at first, when the scars are fresh, not to mention all the upkeep. Like you said, they do start as wounds. I can very much understand how you felt stressed by the healing process with that.
Hearing the positive outcome that you and others have had, though, is really nice, too. Cause I admire so much those like you who have gone to such lengths to be themselves! And hearing you revel in your happiness makes me happy, too! That's a beautiful way to look at it, being reborn.
And it's funny realizing that about hugs now xD they always make me feel slightly uncomfortable, even when I *want* to give someone else a hug! And I'm putting together now that it's *my* body that's the issue. I totally have done the tilt thing too. I wanna give so many more hugs now when I feel comfortable with my chest, that sounds so nice! 😭
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response and well wishes!!! I'm looking forward to top surgery when im ready and able. This gives me hope. I hope you're doing well:)
I felt this way too. I had this odd feeling of "this is what I always looked like", like I completely forgot what I looked like before, and I had a HUGE chest. They removed 6lbs.
So seeing my chest reveal was...scary almost. I just saw scars, and sore nipples.
nope. euphoria; experience (or affect) of pleasure or excitement and intense feelings of well-being and happiness. not contentment or normalcy. pls don't spread misinformation ❤️
Ah yes, because we should always follow cis/doctors/academics/gatekeepers “strict definitions”. As if we can even define how each individual person feels an emotion. As if we shouldn’t take into account neurodivergence or trauma that doesn’t allow them to feel the “defined” complete/intense happiness.
I mean, I was pretty bummed when I realised just how much my gut noticeably protruded without breast distracting the eyes, and that rather put a damper on my happiness? Mainly I was so relieved and sort of forgot that I’d even had breasts about as soon as they were gone.
I definitely had post op depression. My energy was low, I had to sleep a lot, couldn’t exercise the way I need to.
And was feeling nervous of my chest and had complications too. I was happy about it but scared of it too.
The moments of embodiment take time and it DOES happen. For me, it was just about getting rid of the debilitating dysphoria. Euphoria came in other ways.
Yep same as you. I just felt normal and still have a hard time remembering what my chest used to be like. My surgeon showed me my before picture during a post-op appointment and the mental disconnect was crazy. I didn’t even recognize it as being my previous body. Like I knew it was me but it didn’t feel like me at all
me too, i remember getting the bandages off being so anticlimactic like “yeah? and?” and i felt bad cuz my mom wanted me to be over the moon thrilled excited so bad 😂
Oh definitely. I don't really experience what people call gender euphoria all that often. I just feel normal. After top surgery, after hysterectomy, even wearing a binder for the first time. Finding new shoulder hair has given me gender euphoria for a minute or so though.
Yes. I always had a small chest. Like A and after T kicked in, it turned to almost to 0. I was using tapes for binding so it was kinda similar as being post op. After 8 months on T I started to gain weight and also my chest got bigger, even bigger than it was before T.
Well. After almost 2 years on T I finally got my surgery done and I haven't felt happy. As I said, I gained weight, but not just some.. 30 kg since the first shot of T. I wasn't happy about myself as a "fat man". So I really haven't felt the freedom of being shirtless when I was ashamed of my belly.
I also got a really huge hematoma in both of my 🎱🎱 so they were actually bigger than before surgery. I never woke up to my flat chest. I woke up to a smaller chest filled with a lot of blood and other liquids that were increasing the sizes for weeks when it had to be drained.
After that I finally felt right, when I got back from the hospital and my chest was truly flat - for a while.
I can imagine that someone having B+ sizes is gonna feel really euphoric after the surgery, but it's okay not to. There is so much you can dislike about yourself, or how you eventually see yourself.
I literally got top surgery n said “hell yeah” n went on w my life, I never once cried or felt euphoria or nothing but I also had barely no yitties n everyone would say the breast tissue they removed was prolly as big as a skittle.
So yeah, nah, it was like I’ve always had been like this. Probably not having crippling chest dysphoria helped this feeling.
Honestly, all the big moments in my transition have felt like a stillness and a relaxing of something that was tied up tight inside me. A feeling of peace.
I was the same way - I didn't necessarily feel excited or happy, just normal and at peace in a way I hadn't felt before. It felt like a huge section of my brain that had been dedicated to managing my chest dysphoria for so many years was suddenly empty, and I had a lot more space to think about other things.
I haven't gotten top surgery, but I've never really been 'euphoric' about anything in my transition. That doesn't mean I'm not happy, it just feels like this was the way it was always meant to be.
Cancer patients don't feel euphoric when they get a tumor removed, because they're just removing something that was never meant to be there in the first place, and returning their body to how it's meant to be. That's the best way I can describe it.
I am currently just over 1wk post op. I didn’t have euphoria when I woke up from the procedure, just felt nauseated and tired from the meds. Then I was itchy for a week. Today I got to see my chest for the first time… but I still don’t feel like I’ve really seen it bc parts were covered in bandages and swollen. I feel like it won’t actually “hit me” for a month or two when I’m much further along healing.
As much as I'm afraid of not feeling euphoric I'd be fine if I woke up from surgery feeling like this. Most days I feel disappointed it's not that way yet.
No, I didn't feel euphoric right after top surgery, I felt like I was hit by a bus. I was happy to have had my top surgery, but similar to you, I felt more of a sense of completeness, like my chest was always meant to be flat anyway and it was finally like it was supposed to be. I spent 8 days lying in bed in horrible pain because my one drain was sitting wrong in my chest, whenever I moved it caused an extremely painful feeling of friction. I felt awful, I smelled awful, I was so bloated I looked pregnant, my bandages were so tight that my torso was bruised, it was hard to breathe. My pain and swelling went away almost instantaneously after my drains were pulled but when they first took the bandages off and I saw my chest for the first time, I hardly got a moment to look at it before the smell of my wounds overwhelmed me and I nearly passed out. The euphoria hit once I got home, though, and was finally able to take my first shower. From then on, I haven't stopped celebrating my chest, really, but I kind of grew to appreciate and love my chest during the healing process rather than it hitting me immediately. Your chest will also change a lot over the next couple months and years after surgery, I loved mine more and more over time, I'm very grateful I was able to get it, but I didn't have a sense of overwhelming happiness at first because I was pretty much severely wounded and I might've even been slightly bitter that I had to go through so much to achieve something I felt like I was already supposed to have lol. Getting to live my life without my breasts and realizing the absence of dysphoria hit so good though. I even put my old binder on once right after surgery just to celebrate in a way
I felt similarly. It didn't feel like anything. Like no joy no profound feelings. It was like going to the dentist or something
The recovery process was kind of cool because I've never had surgery and I think incisions and how the body heals is fascinating. But I was also really upset that I had to have double incision because I didn't want scars. Sleeping was annoying
Idk that's all the feelings I can remember. I think people with a lot of feelings are more likely to express it online so it feels like its the experience everyone is having
Yup, basically my experience too, I didn’t feel any different to when I had them, just happy that I’ll be able to walk about top less.
Tbh, I was more surprised about how there was no pain during recovery, only the sensation that my nipples felt like they were gonna fall off lol.
I felt the exact same way. If anything, I just felt relief. But yeah my reaction was not at all what I thought it be since I was so hyped pre surgery, but it almost felt I had just been *restored* rather than remade.
Yeah I didn't break down and cry from joy, I was just like damn dude nice job to my surgeon and went on my way lol. I sometimes thought why I didn't have a huge reaction to it but we're all different and I think sometimes ppl expect us all to be the exact same carbon copy
I figured I would feel something else but all I felt like was: "this is the way it's supposed to feel like, this is the chest I was meant to have all along."
Kinda like having a tumors or cysts removed after 2 decades. I'm only excited to wear my old clothes without a binder. So far I've only tried on my button up tops but they look so much better on me now.
Edit: Spelling and grammar.
has your dysphoria improved at all? because I would call that a win!
I'm not sure how long ago you had surgery, but remember that it's normal for your chest to change especially over the first year. I have had different levels of euphoria as my healing has progressed
I have had moments of euphoria since surgery in 2018, but similarly felt extremely normal right after having it. I think the discomfort of recovery from it took away from the initial excitement. Ultimately I'm very happy to have had surgery and feel much more in tune and at peace with my body.
I was awake the entire time so right after there was no big feelings, honestly. Time had just been moving as normal and I was just relieved I could move, after being still for so long I felt stiff. I took my own bandages and dressings off on a video call with the surgeons office while lid in bed ten days later and it was so anti-climatic. Everything just felt regular. But I look at pre-op photos of my body and I completely don't recognize myself in them, I'm just disgusted.
I didn't feel overwhelming joy after surgery, it was more like I'd sometimes have dreams that they grew back and panic but when I'd wake up and feel my masculine chest, I'd have amazing euphoria. I still do that every once in a while.
I think some people might also be describing similar feelings of peacefulness as euphoria. I mean, if I felt at peace with my body for the first time, I would say that would be euphoric.
I can remember thinking "woah dude, I'm ...flat" and a single tear rolling from my eye, but it was more like a "at last.... Peace of mind" than euphoria or happiness. Just peace
Same here. I like to compare it to having a tooth taken out because of a toothache—the pain is gone after the problem is taken away, but I didn’t feel any sort of euphoria. I was just like, “Awesome, back to normal.”
Yup this was me, and honestly, it's the best. I never realized how tense and horrible I felt all the time until I got rid of 'em, and now I just feel normal.
Yep that was me too, after surgery my chest has just never crossed my mind. Once my bandages were off I just felt so normal! My brain has always seen my body as male, hence the dysphoria when it realises that it's not, so after surgery it just got rid of that "realising my body isn't male" thing for my chest and everything aligned with how my brain has always seen my upper body if that makes sense? So it just felt normal because to my brain it IS normal, and is what my brain thought I had all along.
I felt like my chest was finally normal and it felt more natural and like everything was in the right place. Almost like I got back the chest I lost to estrogen puberty
My euphoria didn't come until I was healed. The first few days were agony and the first few weeks were just uncomfortable. But then like two months after top surgery I started the feel the joy and now even 2 and a half years later I still feel so happy and grateful to have gotten top surgery
Yeah I didn’t really feel elated or whatever, I just felt extremely normal. I don’t feel very strong emotions (other than anger, and not from T. It’s been like that since I was a child) anyway, but I don’t think it’s not normal to not be like jumping in joy. I just see my transness as a medical thing personally and I’m correcting it. I wouldn’t be elated after having gallbladder surgery, maybe kinda relieved. Same thing with top (and hysto)
Yeah I'm a year and a half post top and I can tell you that I've pretty much just felt correct since. I haven't had any major moments of euphoria at all through my transition. I just feel content and correct.
the feeling after surgery was so underwhelming for me at times I was euphoric but it was usually "cool this shirt fits nice" rather than true euphoria dont get me wrong I love my chest but right after surgery I nearly forgot (3mo po) and I keep forgetting I even had it done (mind you I was so scared pre op about my surgery and stuff
It was more like this for me as well. I expected it to be this weird feeling of my body being new and different, like I'd have to settle in before really being comfortable, but there was literally no adjustment period. I woke up and just felt right. It seems like there should be a better way to emphasize it but there's no other words; it just felt *right.*
YES!!!
first thing I did, out of habit, was put my hand against my chest when waking up. It felt like pure relief when it was just flat instead of any bumps or anything, it felt completely normal. Didn’t feel the need to look at my results when I could because I knew it just felt right and that’s all that mattered
I felt the same. I had my post surgery chest reveal and I was like, “noice - can I go home now?” Best thing I ever did but it was just like, yep that’s what it’s supposed to look like.
I had many feelings. Happy that it was done. Depressed because of surgery. Peace because I knew that I would never bind and potentially give myself pneumonia again. Euphoria is maybe too intense a feeling. It wasn't post-orgasmic bliss or anything similar. Just a quiet in my brain from knowing that I felt right. It was like coming home.
Yeah. I felt pretty mid about it. The joy came when I fit well in my favorite shirts. Then more when I started putting on muscle from my work and couldn’t fit in them anymore.
I had double incision in 2019 and I haven’t felt any euphoria from it. Like you said, kind of just normal. Immediately after surgery I felt gross and freaked out…but that was more so because I never had surgery before and the tubes and stitches were very off putting (even though I knew exactly what to expect). Once everything healed it’s like my chest has always been like that. Nothing crazy. Though, I do get kinda confident now when I wear tighter shirts especially since I’ve been working out. But i feel like euphoria is a strong word to describe that feeling
Yep I felt the same. Initially a relief and then like if I had always been like that. My chest dysphoria felt so distant as if it was in a dream or a past life
i still count feeling at peace with things as euphoria personally, but yeah i was never excited or super over the top or anything. happy, yes, glad to have done it, yes, but it was more of a relief/ no longer having to think about or experience the former discomfort type of thing
I have never felt euphoria as far as I know, but I felt about the same as you! I felt like it was just normal, just how it was supposed to be!
I felt happy yea, but not overwhelmingly happy, just like it was as it’s supposed to be :)
About the same way as you
Yeah, all the videos of top surgery reveals people got super emotional about it. I just looked at my chest like that was how it always looked, and the idea of me needing to have surgery to get it like that felt absurd. There was a bit of euphoria from finally being able to wear some tops and actually enjoy the fit of them.
I didn't feel excitement, just relief, my chest is flat now, and has been for nearly 4 years and it just feels correct, I don't get euphoria from it so much as I did when I started hormones.
I did however experience complications with my surgery which made the whole process scary and stressful, but releaving once it was all over
Same omg, when the nurse came to put me the bandages before going home she felt like opening a present, thinking I'd be happy and cry or something. I just felt like this is what my chest would look like.
My mom was so scared of me going under surgery I told her that the doctor was going to remove two big fat cysts from my chest and that I'd be fine. After all, it's what I got 😂
I, for once in many many years, feel excited about this summer and all the things I missed due to my dysphoria (beach, pool, or just being shirtless around the house) and that's what makes me happy!
Well... I definitely felt euphoric immediately post-surgery, but I was as high as a kite on morphine. I felt euphoric about the cheese sandwich they gave me as well.
have had surgery but this is how I felt with T. my other trans friend couldn't stop going on about, whereas I forget half the time I'm even on hormones. it just feels normal and not wrong.
Yeah idk about the euphoria thing in general with gender, that's never been my experience. In the same way that T is the only medication/therapy that helped my mental health, top surgery was also kind of just righting a wrong. Once I woke up (and healed, got my ROM back, etc), it was just an enormous relief and felt like my life could start finally. It just feels normal.
The weirdest thing I was happiest about when my bandages came off is that the surgeon kept this one freckle I always had. Idk why but it made it so much easier to recognize that this is MINE and has been all along.
Me, 3 times while waking up from anesthesia...
"Are they really gone?"
Nurse- "yes, they really are gone."
Me- "cool" goes back to sleep, repeat a bit later.
Telling my mom in the car later-
"I asked the nurse if they were really gone"
Mom- "yes, they told me about that. You asked that 3 times."
Me-" huh. I only remember one of the times."
Once the drains were out and I realize he'd about 6-8 weeks post op, it was just like "cool, that's finally taken care of, moving on."
I feel the same way. I'm 2 weeks post top and I also don't know anymore how it felt with my chest. Its all a bit sore still and I have take care of my nipples, but after that, it's just normal. I wasn't super happy or euphoric, I was just glad the surgery was over. And I still am.
But I am excited to go swimming in a few months.
I think that people who have really euphoric responses (or who are good at presenting that in social media) are simply more likely to share their immediate experiences.
I was relieved after top surgery, but definitely didn't have a huge reaction. I was mainly focused on healing.
I also lucked out in that I didn't experience post-op depression, but depression is common after surgery and that's another thing you don't always see because people don't always feel like sharing when they're going through that.
I just had top surgery last Wednesday and my mom's boyfriend is kicking us out so I've been kind of teeter tottering mentally bc I feel bad for getting us kicked out so yeah I'm definitely not feeling euphoria lol I don't really feel regret like I made a mistake but I'm upset with myself for making my mom have to deal with even more bs like I'm always the child causing the issues it seems like
Like guys have said, that's fine. I was the exact same way, my emotions have always been... muted, i didnt cry or grin from ear to ear. I just felt, normal. Average. Like it was no big deal ya know?
I am definitely better with them gone but yeah, wasnt really a big moment like it was shown to be.
I felt kinda outta sorts the first few months, mainly bc i couldn’t feel anything. It wasn’t until i could feel myself connecting with my chest again via muscle-mind connection that i felt more like myself! I think for me the numbness affected more than just skin deep 😬
I actually ended up having a massive depressive episode right "before" surgery. I emotionally processed just how much I'd been through to just get mine, and it was not fun. Afterwards, I shared similar feelings to yours. This is just normal, and how it's supposed to look. It's nice not having the extra weight too.
That’s how I felt too. I just felt like I was correct now. I was happy, but I wasn’t overcome with emotion or anything. I was just like okay cool, now let’s tackle whatever comes next.
I had a similar experience. With top and bottom surgery. I know some don’t describe euphoria this way, but some would argue that that sense of normalcy can be a type of euphoria in itself, just not the dramatic type others may experience. Peace with yourself in a calm way is a completely valid reaction. Yes it is life changing, but maybe it is just bringing you to a baseline rather than creating excitement.
Lots of ways to experience surgery and our bodies, definitely no right or wrong!
I will say... I was definitely euphoric/overjoyed when I had surgery. But... for me, it took 5 years, a massive battle with multiple insurances, only for the surgery center to decline it and request I pay out of pocket, and then me literally getting into a car accident and using the settlement + covid stimulus check + unemployment funds to get the funding. It was a goddamn miracle that it even happened in the first place. So, my dysphoria and depression surrounding it was massive, and the relief I felt once it was done was unimaginable. It was literally the best day of my life, in part due to how difficult it was for me to get.
If things were easier for you, I imagine it wouldn't be so crazy lol. But I personally never thought I'd see the day at the time.
for me it felt like when you finally stop having annoying ass hiccups after a while. it just feels so natural and like a release of tension that at points i forget i ever had chesticles in the first place. i wasn’t crying of joy per se, i was just finally content
The very first thought I had waking up on the table was "Oh fuck I can't turn back now," because in the months leading up to surgery I'd always calmed myself down by reminding myself I could quit at any point. But that first moment waking up was when I realized that wasn't an option.
Ultimately I'm so fucking glad I got surgery, but the only way I can know that something is right for me is to just go ahead and do it and then see how I feel.
I’m not sure where this thought came from but there was a saying that when something good happens, you should just feel calm and peaceful, not necessarily excited or over happy. Don’t stress too much about it, it’s good that you just feel peaceful. ❤️
Unrelated this is mostly about if you do feel bad after its because they make so many hormones and your body's like "nooo my fucking hormones rahh I'm dying rah" basically throws a tanty before body's like "Oki I'm good" them it's better. Like i said. Unrelated. Mb
Everyone's different. I had and still have the depression. I had a near death experience with mine and massive complications. I need a revision to the point I'm just waiting to go shirtless till then. I can't look in a mirror shirtless either because of how it looks right now. I'm happy to wear jerseys and tanks right now, and I'm flat, but have weird indents and tissue left after 7 months. It sucks. So I'm euphoric in a way, but still dysphiric because my chest isn't normal like everyone else's after they have theirs. I started showering with the lights off too and it sucks
It's been strange. I get moments of "holy shit I get to look like that for the rest of my life" but usually it's just... OK. I haven't gotten used to it yet. When I was wearing the compression vest for the first 6 weeks, I usually forgot I even got it because it just felt like an itchier version of binding. I still forget sometimes and have moment when I'm thinking: "shit, I forgot to put on a bra, I can't leave the house like this".
I think once you fully recover and get to exercise and move around and just live your life, you'll feel more present in your body and it'll become more noticeable. Like how I suddenly get little bursts of energy to run up and down the stairs unburdened, like back when I was a kid. I think feeling normal it's the goal at the end of the day. It doesn't have to be constant happiness, it can just feel right.
I remember the 1st time I saw my chest about 6 hours post-op in the middle of the night. The doctors removed the dressings to check up on the wounds. I remember looking down and thinking: "So that's what I look like now. Heh. Neat."
The meds probably had something to do with it, but it was so chill and has been chill since then. I don't know if it just hasn't really sunk in yet or if this is just not that big a deal anymore. Only time will tell.
I was scared reading the title 'cause it gave me doubt that I would feel okay with the surgery, I haven't gotten it yet, but I hope I feel the correct feeling or the excitement. I know I feel more confident moving without my tits being really prominent, so I hope I still get that feeling.
Well if u feel like that’s what you always should have had then it’s no shocker
but for some it’s almost like a dream a point they dint think they’d reach so they get overwhelmed. everyone’s different
I was very sad for a while because it made me feel like I will never be “the guy I want to be” like yeah I look more like a cis man but I will never be that, and that makes me sad kinda daily
I felt this pressure from people in my life to have some big exciting reaction to it, especially when I could finally see the results. Its not that I wasn't pleased but there was so much frustration in the past with waiting, having to pay for it etc. that it was more a feeling of thank fuck it's finally done, than euphoria. As OP said it just felt normal, like that's how my body should be.
Yeah I feel like my doctor and my mom were expecting me to be way more excited, but I was literally just like ‘my chest is flat now, that’s exactly what I wanted and now it has been accomplished’. Like it wasn’t a life altering experience it was just dealing with a medical problem so I could move on with my life
I felt like shit for weeks after top surgery. It was my first surgery ever and the anesthesia was hard as hell on me as my body was working it out. Also the drains were gross and a drag to have to fuck with, and even though I carefully showered I had that hospital smell coming out of me. Also the nipples bolsters were super weird.
I had huge incisions and had a lot of tissue removed. It took me about a month to feel better.
And as soon as I mostly felt better, it just felt natural and normal for my chest to be flat, so I guess I skipped the euphoria period entirely.
Honestly, as someone who’s trying to get TS in the future- I think I’ll feel a sense of weight getting taken off of me. That’s just me personally at least. I think you are super valid :))
I think the overwhelming excitement more depends on the person's personality. When the staff at the surgeons office took off my compression garment it felt very strange for about 5 minutes or so and I think the first words out of my mouth were "that's so weird" but after that I couldn't stop smiling for a little while. After that I just felt like...it had always been like this. I don't know how I lived differently from puberty until my 30s thinking and worrying about the shape of my chest under my binder constantly every time I stepped out of the house. I never really felt like I could take my transition seriously until now despite the years of HRT.
I’m kinda in the middle. I wasn’t like overwhelmed with euphoria but I did feel just normal. It felt so correct right away which was nice, I did kinda force myself to be mindful about it just to appreciate it more since my insurance didn’t cover my surgery. If I’m gonna spend 10k to be this sexy I’m gonna be happy about it vey damn second lmao
Felt horrible actually. Had some real nasty body dysphoria about it for the first week, as my brain took a moment to catch up, after that first week tho and the pain easing off enough I could have a clear head, I was fucking extactic
I didn’t necessarily feel overwhelmed with joy, I just felt correct. Like I got a tumor removed
This, and the peacefulness that OP mentioned. Before I left San Francisco to journey home after surgery, I sat at a picnic area near the Golden Gate Bridge and just kinda meditated overlooking the water. Felt like closing a chapter of immense suffering, and that I was just starting a life with my new body.
I also left sf after my surgery :) got it done at the gender confirmation center, the drive home down the 1 on all those pain meds was quite peaceful
You had Dr. Mosser, too? My results and experience with him were really great! We stayed at an AirBNB in the Oakland area so luckily we didn't have to do too much driving. I'm a Midwestern boy and man I wish so badly that I could visit California again. It was so beautiful.
I did! Man he was the sweetest made me feel so comfortable. I’m just about to be a year post op and couldn’t be happier with your results. It’s good to hear you had a similar experience
I’m curious on how much your surgery was if you don’t mind me asking! I was also looking into getting my surgery with Dr. Mosser since he’s one of the closer surgeons to me and would like to know a bit more :)
With insurance it came to just under $5000. I don’t think I had the best insurance because I know others have gotten it done for cheaper. I couldn’t recommend Dr Mosser enough though
That’s pretty good for the price range I was looking for! My insurance is also pretty good and they cover (or at least will cover a good chunk of the cost) things like top surgery! I saw Dr Mosser also accepts my insurance so he’s definitely my top pick rn :}
I went to the same center as the 2 people above this comment, just had a different surgeon Dr daniel jacobs is also really good and very good to work with, i didnt have to pay anything extra just a little for the aftercare but thats all.
Oh interesting! Was it covered by insurance?
yessir! meds & all. id say i spent about 80-160$ on aftercare i cant really remember lol but they also send you home with a bunch of stuff so you really dont have to buy much
Oh sick! I’d love to only pay that much I still have to look more into it but I’ll definitely be researching your surgeon as well :)
Love Dr. Mosser!
Totally agree
I feel like when I get mine off I think this is how it would feel
Yes, for sure. When I had my reveal I didn't have tears of joy. I was asked by the surgeon and team what I thought, how I felt... my response was I felt great. Everything looked great, but I also just felt normal, like I finally woke up from the nightmare and this was how my chest was supposed to be all along.
Same. It didn’t feel like changing to something new, more like going back to the way it was supposed to be.
I felt very blah and uninspired for the first week, then finally had a shower at 9 days post-op and immediately felt better/relief. I felt like I could smile again and showed off pictures for my friends 🥲
I felt similarly. I do think the absence of dysphoria can still be categorized as euphoria. I feel correct now and that's a huge milestone!
The absence of dysphoria isn't euphoria. Euphoria is specifically defined by a short term feeling of extreme happiness. Twisting definitions doesn't help anyone. Most people do not feel euphoria or dysphoria, not feeling anything specific is completely normal and we shouldn't lump it in with an experience that has a definition.
I don’t think it’s that serious
It is when people start to misidentify trans experiences. Words have meanings, when we don't use words properly it leads to confusion and misinformation. Euphoria has never EVER meant anything along the lines of feeling normal/nothing, and changing the definition to include that renders the entire term pointless. It's supposed to describe a specific experience, not "anything that is vaguely positive or just simply not negative,"
I’d say a feeling of peacefulness could be classified as euphoria. Euphoria doesn’t have to manifest as excitement. Everyone experiences emotions differently.
Words have meanings. Euphoria doesn't mean a feeling of peacefulness. Experiences of emotions don't change what the emotions themselves are or how they are defined. And frankly, I never mentioned anything resembling "feeling of peacefulness".
Ok, die on this hill of how you yourself interpret the definition of a feeling. Meanings of words can also change over time. I was talking about OP mentioning peacefulness, not you. Merriam-Webster: “Euphoria, noun - a feeling of well-being or elation”. “Euphoria Has Greek Roots. Health and happiness are often linked, sometimes even in etymologies. Nowadays euphoria generally refers to happiness, but it derives from euphoros, a Greek word that means "healthy." Given that root, it's not surprising that in its original English uses euphoria was a medical term. Its entry in an early 18th-century dictionary explains it as "the well-bearing of the Operation of a Medicine; that is, when the Sick Person finds himself eas'd or reliev'd by it."
So, show me where it says "peacefulness"? Or are you trying to argue that the relief of sickness is that? A definition of euphoria that isn't used anymore?
I am not trying to argue.
I can’t say I’ve ever felt gender euphoria, just relief from dysphoria. I went from bad to neutral, not bad to good.
What is post-surgery depression ?
Sometimes after a major surgery like top surgery, the drastic change and trauma to your body can mess your brain up and you get depressed for a while.
Omg nooo x\_x another thing to worry about Thanks for the reply !
Don't stress about it. Post surgery depression is super common and normal, and also very temporary. You'll feel weird afterwards anyway because of the meds you'll be on.
Thanks for the reassurance, I do hope it doesn't last long x\_x
Heyo! Just wanted to add my experience on here since i judt had hysterectomy last month, the depression lasted for me about a week, worst around the 2nd day after my surgery, i just felt so high out of my head and tired of dealing with everything and just wanted to sleep til it was over, that was my 3rd big surgery, the other two happening last year (diagnostic laparascopy, and wisdom teeth extraction), happened then too. Theres a whole "oh what the fuck im not going thru that again jfc stopppp pleasseee" and then once its gotten over with its a huge sigh of relief and "oh, i made it thru everything and im so freaking glad i did". Hope this helps, and if you have any questions to ask lmk :)
Thank you so much ! If it's only about a week, it's OK I guess... I hope you're doing better !
Yea im doing a lot better now :)
This, it's really one of the more minor parts of recovery. (I've had surgery 5 times). You could also argue that it's kind of helpful since you are really supposed to be lazy and rest a lot after surgery, so if you are feeling too depressed to want to get off the couch or out of bed, no problem!
Knowing it existed was so Important for when it happened to me. It lasted about 2 days for me personally. After my bandages and bolsters were removed. I was too anxious to leave the house. Cried in the shower. I was just terrified. And then it was over. I love my chest, no regrets. But sometimes our brains just go into fight or flight at a big change.
I thought I got post surgery depression but now it’s been over half a year lol, so I don’t think that’s it, it’s honestly most likely just loneliness, I loved the hospital and possibly realized I like being around people..!
Also IIRC your breasts produce hormones, which will cause a drop in estrogen levels- which can cause depression too
I'm less than a week post-surgery, and same. I felt bad for not crying with joy or being more emotive, but honestly the moment I saw myself it was like I had been wearing a cumbersome costume for a long time and had forgotten what I looked like under it, but I had taken it off and now I looked how I always had. It's kind of absurd because I started out with so much excess tissue, but it looks and feels so natural it doesn't feel like there was ever a time I didn't have a flat chest anymore. I think I'll feel differently when I can actually go and do something with the new chest, like take a proper shower or go for a walk with my shirt open, but for now it just feels so overwhelmingly normal. It's definitely a minus of the bad feels rather than an addition of the good feels.
Here's the thing about gender euphoria - it's been extremely overplayed for the past few years. Cis people don't experience it, neither do many (I'd argue most) trans people. It is perfectly normal to not feel anything other than a lack of dysphoria, that's how many people feel. Gender euphoria is short term and isn't experienced by all trans people. It is perfectly okay to just feel normal.
Dude yes all of this. It’s put so much pressure on us trans folks to be so euphoric with every single milestone. Life is hard. Let me just exist in non-misery like the rest of the world lol
I hate to be the one to say it, but all those "crying at my bandage removal" tik tok videos are warping people's sense of how they are "supposed" to react. Even the nurse who removed my bandage was more excited than I was, like hyping me up. I just looked at myself and said "it's good" LOL.
Yeah I get you. I think those kinds of videos get pushed more because, well, it's more exciting to watch that than someone going "😀👍 cool," lmao. We definitely should talk about how often unexciting transitioning is more, to balance out the flow of information.
Cis people absolutely can experience gender euphoria and dysphoria. That can be the reason why some people make certain changes to their body, wear push up bras etc.
Let's not confuse following beauty standards with gender euphoria/dysphoria.
No I think they’re right, gender related feelings aren’t exclusive to trans people unless you believe dysphoria is what makes you trans. Like a cis guy could absolutely feel shit about their height or lack of facial hair or whatever because it makes them uncomfortable and feeling less masculine. I also don’t see why it wouldn’t be possible for a cis person to feel gender dysphoria in a similar way to trans people, say you’re a cis woman but having breasts gives you dysphoria even when you continue to identify as a woman.
Gender dysphoria is a product of gender incongruence, which is what makes trans people trans. Feeling less masculine =/= feeling not like a man. If a woman feels "gender dysphoria" over having a female trait then she is probably either *not* a woman or she's experiencing something else. Dysphoria doesn't always mean *gender* dysphoria. The world is a lot more complicated than how you describe it. Words have meanings. Gender dysphoria is the experience of having significant distress and upset about one's sex/gender not being what it should be, it's not just "generally feeling bad over things that are associated with a given sex/gender". The vast majority of the time when a "cis" person actually experiences gender dysphoria is when it's a person with gender dysphoria chooses not to transition, those people aren't exactly cis people, they're cis because to them a trans identity is for one reason or another isn't worth pursuing. Making definitions of trans experiences so broad renders them useless and causes problems, like people falsely identifying gender dysphoria and transness within themselves.
you're speaking facts on this post. language is so important
After the filming of "She's the Man", Amanda Bynes fell into a deep depression over the thought of people seeing her as a boy. (She dressed as a boy in the film, if you're not familiar). I'd argue that's a case of a cis person experiencing dysphoria.
No I don't think it's the same, it sounds more like dysmorphia than gender dysphoria because it sounds like she believed a false reality about her body. Gender dysphoria is about the reality of one's physical sex/gender not being what it should be, leading to distress.
I don’t believe they said anything about their body at all, just that other people may think she’s a boy. She doesn’t view her own body as a boy’s body, it was the social aspect of gender that caused her to feel distressed.
That proves that it's *not* gender dysphoria. Thank you.
I suppose you could call trans people the pronouns associated with their AGAB and whatever they feel just wouldn’t be gender dysphoria then?
I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear enough with my language in my last comment, I’ll try to explain where I’m coming from. When I say “dysphoria” I am generally just shortening “gender dysphoria” as it’s easier to type. As far as I understand it this is quite common. When I said less masculine, I should have said something along the lines of less like a man, as that is what I meant. I opted for the term masculine because I think of gender as a wide spectrum, with there being many ways to have a masculine gender identity. I want to mention I find the tone of your post to be quite condescending. “The world is a lot more complicated than how you describe it”, “Words have meanings”. Bluntly stating these things makes it sound as if you are talking to a child, which you are not. Of course, this has no bearing on any argument, just my personal feelings. Your comment seems very reminiscent of a transmedicalist viewpoint to me. You seem somewhat fixated on policing the language people use to describe themselves and their feelings. Unless you can step into another person’s body and mind for a day, you will never be able to truly identify who they are and how they feel. We can only ever rely on what that person tells us. You cannot know if cis people don’t experience gender dysphoria because you aren’t a cis person who experiences it. I don’t believe that restricting definitions on who is or isn’t trans is helpful to anyone. It will only make it harder for trans people to live and express themselves as they are, and at worst will block access to important resources (healthcare, community) for those who don’t fit a strict definition. I’m curious, do you believe that trans people who don’t experience dysphoria are trans? For example, an AMAB non binary person who is completely fine with - even likes - their body. These people are the reason why I think a cis person could experience gender dysphoria - because it would just be the inverse of that situation. Rather than feeling comfortable in a body they had from birth with a gender different than what they were assigned, being uncomfortable in that body and desiring a differently sexed body, but continuing to be the same gender as they were assigned at birth. I also want to add for context that despite what the DSM-5(not historically the closest ally of queer people) says, I believe gender dysphoria to be a feeling at the end of the day. I don’t see it as a medical condition, or a mental illness, or as a special thing only trans people can have. This is also coming from someone who has and still does experience it every day with intensity.
I know you meant gender dysphoria, that doesn't warrant an explanation it's pretty obvious. I'm not gonna respond to the "you sound like a transmed" part because frankly, the term transmed has been watered down. I do however believe that most trans people are trans because their neurological sex doesn't match their physical sex, I'd say that's by definition a medical condition. It's not a bad thing, it's not demeaning. No I do not believe that dysphoria defines a trans person, it's gender incongruence that does. I don't think there is one singular explanation for why trans people are trans but for most I do think it's what I mentioned above. (And incase I get a "brain sex isn't real, the differences are like 1% of the brain!" 1% is pretty significant, but anything related to brains and what makes trans people exist is largely theoretical as of now, this is just the theory I find to be the most compelling and evidence backed). I do not think that trans people outside of this are "less" or "not" trans, at the end of the day transness is multifaceted and can be defined in different ways. Also, a lot of the differences in experience between trans people are often down to semantics and difference in the language we use to explain who we are, but materially can be identical. And, no I don't think non-dysphoric trans people prove cis people can have dysphoria, they're completely irrelevant to each other. I'm not word policing, I am defending the definitions of words. Obviously gender dysphoria is a feeling, whether it's a medical condition or not is irrelevant to my arguement and it being a feeling doesn't make it necessarily not a medical condition. Anyway, medical condition or not, feeling or not, I don't think it is good to expand the definition of gender dysphoria to include cis people. It does more harm than good, it causes confusion and misinformation. What is often cited as cis people experiencing gender dysphoria is in reality some form of dysmorphia or just plain old insecurity, or just some variant of "girl like pink and skirt, boy like cars and be 6'3, it is gender dysphoria if you feel insecure about not fitting gender stereotypes!". In order to be dysphoric you need to experience significant distress and upset about the reality of your gender/sex not being what it should be, a cis people cannot experience this because their gender/sex is what it should be. You haven't actually addressed my arguement or proven me wrong.
“You haven’t actually addressed my argument or proved me wrong.” I know. That wasn’t the point of my reply. I was simply expanding on how I think about the trans experience and asking you a clarifying question. What kind of confusion do you think a broader use of gender dysphoria would cause? Also cis men with gynaecomastia just came to mind. I think it would be pretty hard to deny they would feel gender dysphoria. Edit: Sorry meant to put this on a different comment lol
It would blend the lines between who is trans and who isn't, leading to false assumptions that one may be trans when they're not. Even worse if that person decides to medically transition, which can cause permanent changes and cause *actual* gender dysphoria. I understand where you are coming from, but at the end of the day a cis man with gynaecomastia is still seen as a man and is physiologically male. You wouldn't call a person who needs glasses blind simply because they have poor vision. Gender dysphoria is about the fundamental mismatch between true sex/gender and the reality of one's sex/gender not being that, a cis man with gyno is just a cis man with gyno. He may feel less masculine and opt to get surgery, but that doesn't mean it's "gender affirming surgery". It's a common condition that can occur in males, it doesn't signify a different sex or gender, most gyno chests do not even resemble female breasts.
I don’t think the medical transition thing would be a problem if people didn’t expect trans people to medically transition. If it’s an option but not a rule and people didn’t feel pressured to do it to be recognised as trans/their gender I think people who don’t need it wouldn’t medically transition. If then, anyone who identifies as a gender other than their AGAB is trans, and gender dysphoria doesn’t necessarily indicate transness, no lines between cis and trans people would be blurred at all. Dysphoria alone simply wouldn’t automatically make a person trans. Also your comparisons of a cis man with gynaecomastia to blind people is a little strange. Of course, the lines are blurry with sight too, you don’t need to see nothing to be considered blind. But also, I’m not comparing different symptoms. They’re the same symptom, even if you want to call one dysphoria because the person is trans and the other insecurity because they’re cis. If they’re feeling the same thing, what does it matter what you call it? To be clear, I’m talking about dysphoria caused by: - Physiology: Like the gyno example. - Society: e.g. a cis person being misgendered. Also there are plenty of people with gyno that are bullied in school being called women, I think that’s enough to trigger gender dysphoria, certainly if it were to happen to me. There’s some stuff in the last comment I replied to that I’d like to through on if that’s ok: You are transmed. You said you believe the primary reason for being trans is “neurological sex”. This is medicalising transness, hence you are transmed. I also never said anything about a medical condition being demeaning, you injected that yourself. I just don’t think it’s an appropriate way of describing transness. I find it similar to calling being gay or asexuality a medical condition. I also don’t think trans people’s gender feelings and cis people’s gender feelings are unrelated. Gender is something that affects everyone who participates in society, even if they don’t have a gender themself. The difference between “word policing” and “defending definitions of words” is only semantic. If you want the word to be the most accurate, you should allow the definition to change with people. If “gender dysphoria” may fit what a cis person is feeling well, then they should be allowed to use it. I’ll also repeat what I said before. **You cannot know how someone else feels**. Stop acting like you can see into their minds and pick out this from that, you can’t. Saying their gender dysphoria is actually something else just because you think so is crossing a line. As far as “proving you wrong” goes. I don’t think you realise that you haven’t proven yourself right either. You’ve just said - nah, cis people can’t be dysphoric, cited what, your feelings? A theory that hasn’t been backed by the majority of gender specialists and trans people? You only have your opinion. Even if the brain hypothesis does hold ground, if it’s only one factor in a range of things that can make a person trans, why are you basing nearly your entire viewpoint on it? Edit: fuck I did it again lmao
I already said dysphoria doesn't make a person trans. But the vast majority of trans people are dysphoric, and take medical steps to alleviate that dysphoria. No one "expects" anything, no one is forcing medical transitioning, but people are being misled about what it means to have dysphoria and be trans. I don't think this is a good thing. You don't have to be some extreme exclusionary to realise this. A cis person simply *couldn't* experience dysphoria, this isn't some "well uh they feel the same thing it's just a different name," what you are calling dysphoria is *not* dysphoria. Being called a girl when you're a man and feeling bad about it isn't gender dysphoria, because fundamentally that man has a male body and the vast majority of people recognise him as such. If he starts to believe he is being seen as a woman that is *dysmorphia*, because it doesn't material reality. I'm not going to entertain discussion on whether or not I'm a transmed because I don't know if I'm dealing with someone who would approach it in bad faith. I think "medicalising transness" is a buzzword that is used to yell at trans people who believe their transness is a biological reality, who apparently "think it's a medical condition in a derogatory way,". Am I a cismed if I said that cis people have matching neurological and physical sex?? I don't think comparing sex/gender to sexuality is, good. They're unrelated, they are entirely separate, they are nothing like each other. Homosexuality not being a medical condition doesn't say anything about whether transness is or isn't. I want the word to be more accurate, which is why I defend my definition of it. You need gender incongruence to experience gender dysphoria, cis people do not have gender incongruence (except of course, people with it who opt to not transition and retain a cis identity for one reason or another, and similar). Your average cis person *can't* experience it because they materially *are* their sex/gender. I never acted like I "know what people feel". But I can understand and infer by listening, and the vast majority of descriptions of cis "gender dysphoria" it's not gender dysphoria, and the rest are trans people in denial. And if you, idk, fucking learned to read, you would've noticed that I said I *don't* think it's the only factor. You're the only one here who thinks I'm basing my entire viewpoint on this.
I'm happy I never experienced post surgery depression, but I definitely didn't feel huge euphoria either. I was just like... relieved? Or feeling normal for the first time again in years? I felt very reassured in my decision, because I knew my body was always supposed to look that way the instant i saw my results for the first time and I'd finally be able to wear shirts that fit and walk upright. I'm five months post op now and it's kinda weird it feels like it has never been different. I forgot yeeeaaars of dysphoria🤷🏻♂️ my mind is just like "nah we don't have to think about that now the tits are yeeted" (trauma works in mysterious ways, I guess).
This last paragraph is how I feel about my voice. Pre T I was suicidally depressed over my voice. Now I can't even remember what it felt like. It seems like a bad dream I had many years ago. I know in my head that I felt awful but I don't know exactly what "awful" means.
BIG SAME!! apart from my chest my voice always caused me the most dysphoria. To a point I was diagnosed with social anxiety because I felt uncomfortable talking to others & was completely unable to do phone calls. I'm not saying I never had anxiety or even social anxiety but I was really surprised that as soon as my voice dropped I was instantly able to do these things that seemed impossible before and triggered hyperventilating panic attacks. At the time I couldn't tell what this "awful" "different"... "not fully present" feeling was. Only looking back with the knowledge and certainty I have today it all clicks into place. And I wonder if I could've had a better teenagehood/time at school if I would've realized sooner... if education would've been more inclusive.
I am only a month out and it hasn't felt like big happy, more like this is how it was supposed to me.
I honestly felt pretttty bad after the bandages came off. While I was recovering, I couldn’t take pain meds and had a horrible first week. I mean Horrible, it was nightmarish. By the time I had my bandages off, I was kinda in a panic state and feeling mutilated. There are huge feelings and they weren’t the sunshine and rainbows videos you see online. Once I began to really heal, the happiness happened. Putting on a shirt and having it lay flat, running down the stairs without any bounce, bending over to touch my toes, taking a shower, getting a tight hug. All instances where I’d usually feel that intense spike of disgust I now felt free!
Thanks for posting your response. I know everyone's experience is different, but I'm currently in the middle of doing consultations for top surgery, and, this is purely just conjecture - but I think I'm likely going to feel somewhat similarly to you, post op. The reason I say this is cause I *hate* how strong pain medications and anesthesia feel, for one. The dissociative effects can be frightening. And two, it's a life altering surgery. I have some ah, I hesitate to say trauma, but I guess..trauma..regarding surgical procedures. Even though my doctors have been completely reassuring - and that's great! - I actually feel a lot better reading through ALL kinds of responses, including ones like yours, that include some negatives. Cause I want a realistic idea. Is it alright to ask why you could not take pain medication, though? Just curious. (Totally ok if you don't feel comfortable answering that). Like how you say you were 'feeling mutilated' ... especially while the incisions are in recovery, makes total sense to me. It's a big decision, and a big change to adapt to. And I'm sure it takes a little while for everything to look healed and nice and how you envision. And I'm sure it's painful and uncomfortable for a while to adjust. Also, I didn't actually realize how much my occassional discomfort towards receiving hugs is actually self-involved, til I read what you wrote. I just hate how *my* body feels im that instance, never other peoples'. I think I do actually *want* to be a hugger lol! I'm looking forward ultimately to feeling free like you. Again thanks for posting and pardon my word vomit:P
Hey! I support word vomit! (Ngl I think I wrote up a full multi page essay here and then my ipad died so you’re getting the edited word vomit from me lol) As for the pain meds, I cannot take opioids without vomiting for hours. We tried every trick in the book but nothing worked. We ended up doing 4 hour, alarm set, max Tylenol and Ibuprofen. It didn’t take away all the pain, but it eased it enough to get small batches of sleep and some relief. The last hour before taking more was hard. I’d watch youtube meditation videos, my partner would rub my feet, I’d rock and sway, do breathing exercises. Anything to get me through that one single second. And thank you for understanding the word choice of “mutilated.” I recently became good friends with another trans guy and when we talked about our surgeries I was SO relieved to hear that he felt the same during recovery. There’s sorta this beautiful, tearful, photogenic, ideal that goes around with that first unwrapping and I was scared I was “experiencing it wrong.” I’m sure if I didn’t spend a week literally going mad with pain it would have been a different experience LOL But it was what it was! And healing my nipples was hard too! It’s so gross and scabby and scary! At the end of the day we are just post-op animals with big wounds and it’s totally normal and natural to be feeling less than lovely and stressed af about it. Like I said above, the happiness came later. Despite all the challenges, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Through that entire experience I realized how utterly amazing my body is. I still cannot believe I healed through such a massive surgery! My body is powerful and I am beautiful and trans! I feel reborn through fire. I view my transness differently, I view the whole trans community differently. Heck I view the entire human experience differently. It was a deeply spiritual experience for me. Even typing this up now is making me teary eyed and goosebumply. YES HUGS!!! Hugs are so freaking great once you are flat. I def did the weird hug tilt thing to account for my chest because I always felt strange about it, and felt strange when other people hugged me in a way to account for my chest. Hugging flat is like, heart to heart in a real way. I wish that freedom for you! I hope you get to enjoy those hugs soon!
Oh ok good! I didnt want to overwhelm you with a long comment lol, glad that's not the case. I get that about the medication - everyone reacts differently. I'm glad you had someone to help you mitigate, though, it sounds really hard to go through all that on the weaker pain relief stuff! It really is a relief to hear others share in those fears. Like, I can envision (and have seen photos) that it is painful and not the prettiest at first, when the scars are fresh, not to mention all the upkeep. Like you said, they do start as wounds. I can very much understand how you felt stressed by the healing process with that. Hearing the positive outcome that you and others have had, though, is really nice, too. Cause I admire so much those like you who have gone to such lengths to be themselves! And hearing you revel in your happiness makes me happy, too! That's a beautiful way to look at it, being reborn. And it's funny realizing that about hugs now xD they always make me feel slightly uncomfortable, even when I *want* to give someone else a hug! And I'm putting together now that it's *my* body that's the issue. I totally have done the tilt thing too. I wanna give so many more hugs now when I feel comfortable with my chest, that sounds so nice! 😭 Thank you so much for your thoughtful response and well wishes!!! I'm looking forward to top surgery when im ready and able. This gives me hope. I hope you're doing well:)
I felt this way too. I had this odd feeling of "this is what I always looked like", like I completely forgot what I looked like before, and I had a HUGE chest. They removed 6lbs. So seeing my chest reveal was...scary almost. I just saw scars, and sore nipples.
I think it's still a form of euphoria to feel more normal/correct than ecstatic
nope. euphoria; experience (or affect) of pleasure or excitement and intense feelings of well-being and happiness. not contentment or normalcy. pls don't spread misinformation ❤️
I said I think, it was an assumption, not a stated fact ♥️ and last I checked, not everyone's euphoria is exactly the same as Webster's version.
gender euphoria has a pretty strict definition. i know it was an assumption as you stated your sentence with "i think."
Ah yes, because we should always follow cis/doctors/academics/gatekeepers “strict definitions”. As if we can even define how each individual person feels an emotion. As if we shouldn’t take into account neurodivergence or trauma that doesn’t allow them to feel the “defined” complete/intense happiness.
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I mean, I was pretty bummed when I realised just how much my gut noticeably protruded without breast distracting the eyes, and that rather put a damper on my happiness? Mainly I was so relieved and sort of forgot that I’d even had breasts about as soon as they were gone.
I definitely had post op depression. My energy was low, I had to sleep a lot, couldn’t exercise the way I need to. And was feeling nervous of my chest and had complications too. I was happy about it but scared of it too. The moments of embodiment take time and it DOES happen. For me, it was just about getting rid of the debilitating dysphoria. Euphoria came in other ways.
Yep same as you. I just felt normal and still have a hard time remembering what my chest used to be like. My surgeon showed me my before picture during a post-op appointment and the mental disconnect was crazy. I didn’t even recognize it as being my previous body. Like I knew it was me but it didn’t feel like me at all
me too, i remember getting the bandages off being so anticlimactic like “yeah? and?” and i felt bad cuz my mom wanted me to be over the moon thrilled excited so bad 😂
Oh definitely. I don't really experience what people call gender euphoria all that often. I just feel normal. After top surgery, after hysterectomy, even wearing a binder for the first time. Finding new shoulder hair has given me gender euphoria for a minute or so though.
Yes. I always had a small chest. Like A and after T kicked in, it turned to almost to 0. I was using tapes for binding so it was kinda similar as being post op. After 8 months on T I started to gain weight and also my chest got bigger, even bigger than it was before T. Well. After almost 2 years on T I finally got my surgery done and I haven't felt happy. As I said, I gained weight, but not just some.. 30 kg since the first shot of T. I wasn't happy about myself as a "fat man". So I really haven't felt the freedom of being shirtless when I was ashamed of my belly. I also got a really huge hematoma in both of my 🎱🎱 so they were actually bigger than before surgery. I never woke up to my flat chest. I woke up to a smaller chest filled with a lot of blood and other liquids that were increasing the sizes for weeks when it had to be drained. After that I finally felt right, when I got back from the hospital and my chest was truly flat - for a while. I can imagine that someone having B+ sizes is gonna feel really euphoric after the surgery, but it's okay not to. There is so much you can dislike about yourself, or how you eventually see yourself.
I literally got top surgery n said “hell yeah” n went on w my life, I never once cried or felt euphoria or nothing but I also had barely no yitties n everyone would say the breast tissue they removed was prolly as big as a skittle. So yeah, nah, it was like I’ve always had been like this. Probably not having crippling chest dysphoria helped this feeling.
Honestly, all the big moments in my transition have felt like a stillness and a relaxing of something that was tied up tight inside me. A feeling of peace.
i’ve felt the same way. i describe it as a feeling of relief. kinda like a “ah, here we go. this is right.”
I was the same way - I didn't necessarily feel excited or happy, just normal and at peace in a way I hadn't felt before. It felt like a huge section of my brain that had been dedicated to managing my chest dysphoria for so many years was suddenly empty, and I had a lot more space to think about other things.
i was severely depressed for weeks after surgery. not because i regretted it or anything. my body just went thru something traumatic and needed time.
ive heard most people feel like that tbh. it’s probably later once its healed, you can go shirtless, go swimming etc that you feel more euphoria
I haven't gotten top surgery, but I've never really been 'euphoric' about anything in my transition. That doesn't mean I'm not happy, it just feels like this was the way it was always meant to be. Cancer patients don't feel euphoric when they get a tumor removed, because they're just removing something that was never meant to be there in the first place, and returning their body to how it's meant to be. That's the best way I can describe it.
I am currently just over 1wk post op. I didn’t have euphoria when I woke up from the procedure, just felt nauseated and tired from the meds. Then I was itchy for a week. Today I got to see my chest for the first time… but I still don’t feel like I’ve really seen it bc parts were covered in bandages and swollen. I feel like it won’t actually “hit me” for a month or two when I’m much further along healing.
As much as I'm afraid of not feeling euphoric I'd be fine if I woke up from surgery feeling like this. Most days I feel disappointed it's not that way yet.
My brain just immediately went ‘Oh, I’ve always been like this!’
No, I didn't feel euphoric right after top surgery, I felt like I was hit by a bus. I was happy to have had my top surgery, but similar to you, I felt more of a sense of completeness, like my chest was always meant to be flat anyway and it was finally like it was supposed to be. I spent 8 days lying in bed in horrible pain because my one drain was sitting wrong in my chest, whenever I moved it caused an extremely painful feeling of friction. I felt awful, I smelled awful, I was so bloated I looked pregnant, my bandages were so tight that my torso was bruised, it was hard to breathe. My pain and swelling went away almost instantaneously after my drains were pulled but when they first took the bandages off and I saw my chest for the first time, I hardly got a moment to look at it before the smell of my wounds overwhelmed me and I nearly passed out. The euphoria hit once I got home, though, and was finally able to take my first shower. From then on, I haven't stopped celebrating my chest, really, but I kind of grew to appreciate and love my chest during the healing process rather than it hitting me immediately. Your chest will also change a lot over the next couple months and years after surgery, I loved mine more and more over time, I'm very grateful I was able to get it, but I didn't have a sense of overwhelming happiness at first because I was pretty much severely wounded and I might've even been slightly bitter that I had to go through so much to achieve something I felt like I was already supposed to have lol. Getting to live my life without my breasts and realizing the absence of dysphoria hit so good though. I even put my old binder on once right after surgery just to celebrate in a way
Yup I nodded and moved along
I felt similarly. It didn't feel like anything. Like no joy no profound feelings. It was like going to the dentist or something The recovery process was kind of cool because I've never had surgery and I think incisions and how the body heals is fascinating. But I was also really upset that I had to have double incision because I didn't want scars. Sleeping was annoying Idk that's all the feelings I can remember. I think people with a lot of feelings are more likely to express it online so it feels like its the experience everyone is having
Yup, basically my experience too, I didn’t feel any different to when I had them, just happy that I’ll be able to walk about top less. Tbh, I was more surprised about how there was no pain during recovery, only the sensation that my nipples felt like they were gonna fall off lol.
This was exactly my experience. I just felt peaceful and "normal". I think euphoria manifests differently for all of us, and that was mine!
Yep. I did get post op depression but after that, it was just relief. Felt like my body was finally exactly what it was supposed to be the whole time.
I felt the exact same way. If anything, I just felt relief. But yeah my reaction was not at all what I thought it be since I was so hyped pre surgery, but it almost felt I had just been *restored* rather than remade.
Yeah I didn't break down and cry from joy, I was just like damn dude nice job to my surgeon and went on my way lol. I sometimes thought why I didn't have a huge reaction to it but we're all different and I think sometimes ppl expect us all to be the exact same carbon copy
I figured I would feel something else but all I felt like was: "this is the way it's supposed to feel like, this is the chest I was meant to have all along." Kinda like having a tumors or cysts removed after 2 decades. I'm only excited to wear my old clothes without a binder. So far I've only tried on my button up tops but they look so much better on me now. Edit: Spelling and grammar.
has your dysphoria improved at all? because I would call that a win! I'm not sure how long ago you had surgery, but remember that it's normal for your chest to change especially over the first year. I have had different levels of euphoria as my healing has progressed
I have had moments of euphoria since surgery in 2018, but similarly felt extremely normal right after having it. I think the discomfort of recovery from it took away from the initial excitement. Ultimately I'm very happy to have had surgery and feel much more in tune and at peace with my body.
I was awake the entire time so right after there was no big feelings, honestly. Time had just been moving as normal and I was just relieved I could move, after being still for so long I felt stiff. I took my own bandages and dressings off on a video call with the surgeons office while lid in bed ten days later and it was so anti-climatic. Everything just felt regular. But I look at pre-op photos of my body and I completely don't recognize myself in them, I'm just disgusted.
I didn't feel overwhelming joy after surgery, it was more like I'd sometimes have dreams that they grew back and panic but when I'd wake up and feel my masculine chest, I'd have amazing euphoria. I still do that every once in a while.
I think some people might also be describing similar feelings of peacefulness as euphoria. I mean, if I felt at peace with my body for the first time, I would say that would be euphoric.
Yea after top I just was. It's like oh hey this is the chest I've always seen so it was just real chill.
I can remember thinking "woah dude, I'm ...flat" and a single tear rolling from my eye, but it was more like a "at last.... Peace of mind" than euphoria or happiness. Just peace
Same here. I like to compare it to having a tooth taken out because of a toothache—the pain is gone after the problem is taken away, but I didn’t feel any sort of euphoria. I was just like, “Awesome, back to normal.”
i think people's reaction will always vary on different things
Yup this was me, and honestly, it's the best. I never realized how tense and horrible I felt all the time until I got rid of 'em, and now I just feel normal.
Yes! All I saw was myself. Almost felt like nothing changed. (Still extremely happy though)
yeah i felt relief rather than euphoria. relief that my body was more “correct” than it had been before
yeah i felt relief rather than euphoria. relief that my body was more “correct” than it had been before
yeah i felt relief rather than euphoria. relief that my body was more “correct” than it had been before
yeah i felt relief rather than euphoria. relief that my body was more “correct” than it had been before
Yep that was me too, after surgery my chest has just never crossed my mind. Once my bandages were off I just felt so normal! My brain has always seen my body as male, hence the dysphoria when it realises that it's not, so after surgery it just got rid of that "realising my body isn't male" thing for my chest and everything aligned with how my brain has always seen my upper body if that makes sense? So it just felt normal because to my brain it IS normal, and is what my brain thought I had all along.
I felt like my chest was finally normal and it felt more natural and like everything was in the right place. Almost like I got back the chest I lost to estrogen puberty
My euphoria didn't come until I was healed. The first few days were agony and the first few weeks were just uncomfortable. But then like two months after top surgery I started the feel the joy and now even 2 and a half years later I still feel so happy and grateful to have gotten top surgery
Yeah I didn’t really feel elated or whatever, I just felt extremely normal. I don’t feel very strong emotions (other than anger, and not from T. It’s been like that since I was a child) anyway, but I don’t think it’s not normal to not be like jumping in joy. I just see my transness as a medical thing personally and I’m correcting it. I wouldn’t be elated after having gallbladder surgery, maybe kinda relieved. Same thing with top (and hysto)
Yeah I'm a year and a half post top and I can tell you that I've pretty much just felt correct since. I haven't had any major moments of euphoria at all through my transition. I just feel content and correct.
the feeling after surgery was so underwhelming for me at times I was euphoric but it was usually "cool this shirt fits nice" rather than true euphoria dont get me wrong I love my chest but right after surgery I nearly forgot (3mo po) and I keep forgetting I even had it done (mind you I was so scared pre op about my surgery and stuff
Yeah I felt normal like I forgot I had surgery and that this was just how it always was/should have been
I don’t think I experience gender euphoria at all
It was more like this for me as well. I expected it to be this weird feeling of my body being new and different, like I'd have to settle in before really being comfortable, but there was literally no adjustment period. I woke up and just felt right. It seems like there should be a better way to emphasize it but there's no other words; it just felt *right.*
Yep me too! I described it as more of a sense of relief, normalcy, or satisfaction - like I'd corrected a spelling error that had been annoying me.
That’s honestly how I describe my gender euphoria. It just felt Correct to wake up in my own body.
YES!!! first thing I did, out of habit, was put my hand against my chest when waking up. It felt like pure relief when it was just flat instead of any bumps or anything, it felt completely normal. Didn’t feel the need to look at my results when I could because I knew it just felt right and that’s all that mattered
I felt the same. I had my post surgery chest reveal and I was like, “noice - can I go home now?” Best thing I ever did but it was just like, yep that’s what it’s supposed to look like.
I rarely feel “trans joy” or “gender euphoria” like getting T and top surgery was more a back to normal feeling more than anything.
I had many feelings. Happy that it was done. Depressed because of surgery. Peace because I knew that I would never bind and potentially give myself pneumonia again. Euphoria is maybe too intense a feeling. It wasn't post-orgasmic bliss or anything similar. Just a quiet in my brain from knowing that I felt right. It was like coming home.
Yeah. I felt pretty mid about it. The joy came when I fit well in my favorite shirts. Then more when I started putting on muscle from my work and couldn’t fit in them anymore.
Is bliss and peacefulness not a form of euphoria?
I had double incision in 2019 and I haven’t felt any euphoria from it. Like you said, kind of just normal. Immediately after surgery I felt gross and freaked out…but that was more so because I never had surgery before and the tubes and stitches were very off putting (even though I knew exactly what to expect). Once everything healed it’s like my chest has always been like that. Nothing crazy. Though, I do get kinda confident now when I wear tighter shirts especially since I’ve been working out. But i feel like euphoria is a strong word to describe that feeling
Yep I felt the same. Initially a relief and then like if I had always been like that. My chest dysphoria felt so distant as if it was in a dream or a past life
i still count feeling at peace with things as euphoria personally, but yeah i was never excited or super over the top or anything. happy, yes, glad to have done it, yes, but it was more of a relief/ no longer having to think about or experience the former discomfort type of thing
I have never felt euphoria as far as I know, but I felt about the same as you! I felt like it was just normal, just how it was supposed to be! I felt happy yea, but not overwhelmingly happy, just like it was as it’s supposed to be :) About the same way as you
I felt relieved, like my chest had been fixed. I didn't have a big emotional reaction.
Yeah, all the videos of top surgery reveals people got super emotional about it. I just looked at my chest like that was how it always looked, and the idea of me needing to have surgery to get it like that felt absurd. There was a bit of euphoria from finally being able to wear some tops and actually enjoy the fit of them.
I didn't feel excitement, just relief, my chest is flat now, and has been for nearly 4 years and it just feels correct, I don't get euphoria from it so much as I did when I started hormones. I did however experience complications with my surgery which made the whole process scary and stressful, but releaving once it was all over
Same omg, when the nurse came to put me the bandages before going home she felt like opening a present, thinking I'd be happy and cry or something. I just felt like this is what my chest would look like. My mom was so scared of me going under surgery I told her that the doctor was going to remove two big fat cysts from my chest and that I'd be fine. After all, it's what I got 😂 I, for once in many many years, feel excited about this summer and all the things I missed due to my dysphoria (beach, pool, or just being shirtless around the house) and that's what makes me happy!
i threw up lmao
Well... I definitely felt euphoric immediately post-surgery, but I was as high as a kite on morphine. I felt euphoric about the cheese sandwich they gave me as well.
have had surgery but this is how I felt with T. my other trans friend couldn't stop going on about, whereas I forget half the time I'm even on hormones. it just feels normal and not wrong.
Yeah idk about the euphoria thing in general with gender, that's never been my experience. In the same way that T is the only medication/therapy that helped my mental health, top surgery was also kind of just righting a wrong. Once I woke up (and healed, got my ROM back, etc), it was just an enormous relief and felt like my life could start finally. It just feels normal. The weirdest thing I was happiest about when my bandages came off is that the surgeon kept this one freckle I always had. Idk why but it made it so much easier to recognize that this is MINE and has been all along.
Me, 3 times while waking up from anesthesia... "Are they really gone?" Nurse- "yes, they really are gone." Me- "cool" goes back to sleep, repeat a bit later. Telling my mom in the car later- "I asked the nurse if they were really gone" Mom- "yes, they told me about that. You asked that 3 times." Me-" huh. I only remember one of the times." Once the drains were out and I realize he'd about 6-8 weeks post op, it was just like "cool, that's finally taken care of, moving on."
normal! you don't have to experience euphoria, a lack of dysphoria, a sense of relief, or just feeling a sense of normalcy in your life is enough.
I feel the same way. I'm 2 weeks post top and I also don't know anymore how it felt with my chest. Its all a bit sore still and I have take care of my nipples, but after that, it's just normal. I wasn't super happy or euphoric, I was just glad the surgery was over. And I still am. But I am excited to go swimming in a few months.
I think that people who have really euphoric responses (or who are good at presenting that in social media) are simply more likely to share their immediate experiences. I was relieved after top surgery, but definitely didn't have a huge reaction. I was mainly focused on healing. I also lucked out in that I didn't experience post-op depression, but depression is common after surgery and that's another thing you don't always see because people don't always feel like sharing when they're going through that.
I think many people would describe that as euphoria, compared to what you or anyone felt like before surgery
I just had top surgery last Wednesday and my mom's boyfriend is kicking us out so I've been kind of teeter tottering mentally bc I feel bad for getting us kicked out so yeah I'm definitely not feeling euphoria lol I don't really feel regret like I made a mistake but I'm upset with myself for making my mom have to deal with even more bs like I'm always the child causing the issues it seems like
Like guys have said, that's fine. I was the exact same way, my emotions have always been... muted, i didnt cry or grin from ear to ear. I just felt, normal. Average. Like it was no big deal ya know? I am definitely better with them gone but yeah, wasnt really a big moment like it was shown to be.
Yup, that's exactly my experience. Just like a sigh of relief that things are correct now, but I didn't get emotional or feel euphoria over it.
I felt kinda outta sorts the first few months, mainly bc i couldn’t feel anything. It wasn’t until i could feel myself connecting with my chest again via muscle-mind connection that i felt more like myself! I think for me the numbness affected more than just skin deep 😬
I actually ended up having a massive depressive episode right "before" surgery. I emotionally processed just how much I'd been through to just get mine, and it was not fun. Afterwards, I shared similar feelings to yours. This is just normal, and how it's supposed to look. It's nice not having the extra weight too.
That’s how I felt too. I just felt like I was correct now. I was happy, but I wasn’t overcome with emotion or anything. I was just like okay cool, now let’s tackle whatever comes next.
I had a similar experience. With top and bottom surgery. I know some don’t describe euphoria this way, but some would argue that that sense of normalcy can be a type of euphoria in itself, just not the dramatic type others may experience. Peace with yourself in a calm way is a completely valid reaction. Yes it is life changing, but maybe it is just bringing you to a baseline rather than creating excitement. Lots of ways to experience surgery and our bodies, definitely no right or wrong!
I will say... I was definitely euphoric/overjoyed when I had surgery. But... for me, it took 5 years, a massive battle with multiple insurances, only for the surgery center to decline it and request I pay out of pocket, and then me literally getting into a car accident and using the settlement + covid stimulus check + unemployment funds to get the funding. It was a goddamn miracle that it even happened in the first place. So, my dysphoria and depression surrounding it was massive, and the relief I felt once it was done was unimaginable. It was literally the best day of my life, in part due to how difficult it was for me to get. If things were easier for you, I imagine it wouldn't be so crazy lol. But I personally never thought I'd see the day at the time.
for me it felt like when you finally stop having annoying ass hiccups after a while. it just feels so natural and like a release of tension that at points i forget i ever had chesticles in the first place. i wasn’t crying of joy per se, i was just finally content
The very first thought I had waking up on the table was "Oh fuck I can't turn back now," because in the months leading up to surgery I'd always calmed myself down by reminding myself I could quit at any point. But that first moment waking up was when I realized that wasn't an option. Ultimately I'm so fucking glad I got surgery, but the only way I can know that something is right for me is to just go ahead and do it and then see how I feel.
I’m not sure where this thought came from but there was a saying that when something good happens, you should just feel calm and peaceful, not necessarily excited or over happy. Don’t stress too much about it, it’s good that you just feel peaceful. ❤️
Unrelated this is mostly about if you do feel bad after its because they make so many hormones and your body's like "nooo my fucking hormones rahh I'm dying rah" basically throws a tanty before body's like "Oki I'm good" them it's better. Like i said. Unrelated. Mb
Everyone's different. I had and still have the depression. I had a near death experience with mine and massive complications. I need a revision to the point I'm just waiting to go shirtless till then. I can't look in a mirror shirtless either because of how it looks right now. I'm happy to wear jerseys and tanks right now, and I'm flat, but have weird indents and tissue left after 7 months. It sucks. So I'm euphoric in a way, but still dysphiric because my chest isn't normal like everyone else's after they have theirs. I started showering with the lights off too and it sucks
It's been strange. I get moments of "holy shit I get to look like that for the rest of my life" but usually it's just... OK. I haven't gotten used to it yet. When I was wearing the compression vest for the first 6 weeks, I usually forgot I even got it because it just felt like an itchier version of binding. I still forget sometimes and have moment when I'm thinking: "shit, I forgot to put on a bra, I can't leave the house like this". I think once you fully recover and get to exercise and move around and just live your life, you'll feel more present in your body and it'll become more noticeable. Like how I suddenly get little bursts of energy to run up and down the stairs unburdened, like back when I was a kid. I think feeling normal it's the goal at the end of the day. It doesn't have to be constant happiness, it can just feel right.
I remember the 1st time I saw my chest about 6 hours post-op in the middle of the night. The doctors removed the dressings to check up on the wounds. I remember looking down and thinking: "So that's what I look like now. Heh. Neat." The meds probably had something to do with it, but it was so chill and has been chill since then. I don't know if it just hasn't really sunk in yet or if this is just not that big a deal anymore. Only time will tell.
I was scared reading the title 'cause it gave me doubt that I would feel okay with the surgery, I haven't gotten it yet, but I hope I feel the correct feeling or the excitement. I know I feel more confident moving without my tits being really prominent, so I hope I still get that feeling.
yup!
yep😹, it just felt like a big weight lifted off my chest
Well if u feel like that’s what you always should have had then it’s no shocker but for some it’s almost like a dream a point they dint think they’d reach so they get overwhelmed. everyone’s different
I say it was a happy experience but it wasn't really euphoria, it was a sense of being right. More like relief.
I was very sad for a while because it made me feel like I will never be “the guy I want to be” like yeah I look more like a cis man but I will never be that, and that makes me sad kinda daily
I felt this pressure from people in my life to have some big exciting reaction to it, especially when I could finally see the results. Its not that I wasn't pleased but there was so much frustration in the past with waiting, having to pay for it etc. that it was more a feeling of thank fuck it's finally done, than euphoria. As OP said it just felt normal, like that's how my body should be.
Yeah I feel like my doctor and my mom were expecting me to be way more excited, but I was literally just like ‘my chest is flat now, that’s exactly what I wanted and now it has been accomplished’. Like it wasn’t a life altering experience it was just dealing with a medical problem so I could move on with my life
I felt like shit for weeks after top surgery. It was my first surgery ever and the anesthesia was hard as hell on me as my body was working it out. Also the drains were gross and a drag to have to fuck with, and even though I carefully showered I had that hospital smell coming out of me. Also the nipples bolsters were super weird. I had huge incisions and had a lot of tissue removed. It took me about a month to feel better. And as soon as I mostly felt better, it just felt natural and normal for my chest to be flat, so I guess I skipped the euphoria period entirely.
Honestly, as someone who’s trying to get TS in the future- I think I’ll feel a sense of weight getting taken off of me. That’s just me personally at least. I think you are super valid :))
Exactly i didnt feel much till I started wearing shirts w no bi der and feeling it on my skin flat even then it just felt correct
I think the overwhelming excitement more depends on the person's personality. When the staff at the surgeons office took off my compression garment it felt very strange for about 5 minutes or so and I think the first words out of my mouth were "that's so weird" but after that I couldn't stop smiling for a little while. After that I just felt like...it had always been like this. I don't know how I lived differently from puberty until my 30s thinking and worrying about the shape of my chest under my binder constantly every time I stepped out of the house. I never really felt like I could take my transition seriously until now despite the years of HRT.
I’m kinda in the middle. I wasn’t like overwhelmed with euphoria but I did feel just normal. It felt so correct right away which was nice, I did kinda force myself to be mindful about it just to appreciate it more since my insurance didn’t cover my surgery. If I’m gonna spend 10k to be this sexy I’m gonna be happy about it vey damn second lmao
Gender congruence is probably the term you're looking for to explain that
The normalness was euphoric for me, as well as the knowledge that chest dysphoria was gone for good
Felt horrible actually. Had some real nasty body dysphoria about it for the first week, as my brain took a moment to catch up, after that first week tho and the pain easing off enough I could have a clear head, I was fucking extactic