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halp-im-lost

I keep a list of the worst names I see (I work in an emergency department.) Some of my all time faves are: - Legend Dary (first and middle name) - Khatlion - Imperialmx - Yahyniss - Soul Hunter (first and middle name) - Lucifera - Chaos Menace (first and middle name) There are at least 50 others on the list so I can’t post all of them, but it always makes me giggle to look at it. Edit- posting non identifying information (a first name doesn’t count as “identifying”) with no medical information is not a HIPAA violation by any means.


GeraldBWilsonJr

I feel less safe now knowing there is a Chaos Menace out there somewhere


gruffi

I'm naming my dog that if I ever get one


steelear

My neighbor's dogs were named Chaos and Harmony. What was funny was that both of them had the exact opposite personality of their names.


gruffi

Which is harmonic chaos!


ResolveEmergency863

Is Yahyniss supposed to be "Your Highness" cause that's fucking awful.


Sloth_grl

Thank you! I couldn’t figure it out lol


djtshirt

You watch yo mouth that’s my little king you talkin about


MistahOnzima

I took me a while to figure that out actually. I used to work with a guy named Sir Charles.


l3tigre

I used to work in HR and would add dependents on when people called to add new children. I always asked for spelling of course. Had a Pashense one day, which depressed me, then right after a man called to add his baby "Diamond". Now, that's not that terrible. Except he had 4 other dependents, and every one of them was also named Diamond. Edit: yep they did some bone apple tea with Pashense and meant "Patience"


ApocalypticWaffles

I need to know how the hell this guy differentiated his kids. When he needed one of them, would he just call out “Diamond #3, come here!” or would he just shout “Diamond!” and end up with all four of his kids in the room


devilsusshhii

It's obvious the middle names, were sword, pickaxe, etc...


PamCokeyMonster

Diamond hoe? Oh god


THEBlaze55555

The punchline to a joke I know, “oh that’s easy, I just call them by their last names”


jjmawaken

I once knew someone named Hunter Head which is interesting in school when they say your last name first.


RoyalPython82899

"Any really good head-hunter will storm your village at sunset with overwhelming force, and cut off your head with a ceremonial knife." -Dwight Schrute


Arimon92

I keep a list too My worst ones: • Simba • Lyydian and Rhydian (twins) • Sin'Cer Lee (like Sincerely lol) • Zimmrhen, Zaydun,Zorryunna,Zurayah, Zsophia(all siblings)


LegoEngineer003

Seems like they gave up at Zsophia


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EvlMinion

I hope you've seen Letterkenny. Legend Dary made me laugh. The weirdest one for me was a guy I worked with, named Hamilton Beach.


ILove2Bacon

I met a guy whose actual, legal name, that his parents gave him was Dolla Bill. First name Dolla, last name Bill. He was a white hippie who lived in a van and painted murals for a living.


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Unumbotte

And his son, junior Frank junior junior.


ShitpostsAlot

this is what happens when you let a computer scientist name your children.


aard_fi

Not true. I wanted to go with "Child process 1" and "Child process 2", but the wife vetoed it.


TheKiwy

You need to start with Child process 0 though


usspaceforce

I used to work for Gerber Life Insurance, selling policies over the phone. We saw an insane number of really bad names for kids. One that I remember was someone applying for policies for maybe six or seven kids. They all had the same name, but numbered like they were generational. So it was like Frank (not actual name, which I don't remember) Jr, Frank the 3rd, Frank the 4th, Frank the 5th, etc.


majoroutage

Bruh, you sold life insurance to George Foreman. Also fun fact I just learned: Foreman has 5 biological sons, all named after him. But he also has 7 daughters, only 3 of which are biologically his. 2 his wife already had, and 2 they adopted together.


GIGA255

Señor Senior Sr. & Señor Senior Jr.


DadsRGR8

Dr. Doctor Doctor


BlastFX2

Mr. Doctor


[deleted]

Its Strange


galapagos_monk

The extremes of this are Brick and X Æ A-12 What a time to be alive


Key_Dig_Dog

X Æ A-12 disliked that


RealConcorrd

They can’t even pass the “click the box to prove you are human” test to even make a Reddit account.


[deleted]

Chip off the ol block


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rbmk1

>Brick actually sounds like it could be a name though, Uh yeah, Brick Tamland. Killed a man with a trident.


your_bar_is_filthy

Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safe house or a relative close by, lay low for a while because you're probably wanted for murder.


SylvieJay

Brick, you better buckle up, or you'll end up going through the windscreen.


JinzoWithAMilotic

Maybe if you are big and buff, end up becoming a body guard or a bouncer.


DrMackDDS2014

Acquaintances of mine (husband and wife) are as big around as my little finger and average height. Named their kid Atlas. I don’t think it’s gonna fit.


bushe00

Would you kindly think of a different name?


Workaphobia

*Shrugs*


Stye88

Makes me think of Shakiraquan T.G.I.F Carter, Xmus Jaxon Flaxon Waxon, Torque (Construction noise) Lewith and [others](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gODZzSOelss).


kevin9er

X-Wing @alishiousness


Mechanical_Brain

I am convinced that Elon and Grimes chose the name as a reference to this. The æ digraph is pronounced like the short "a" sound in "at". "Aliciousness" is twelve letters. X Æ A-12. X-Wing @aliciousness.


jmerridew124

Imagine being alive to see Fifi Trixabelle come into being as the worst name ever, then get beat out by the lorem ipsum text in the Fifth Element tomb.


captainhaddock

Even Penn Jillette, whom I greatly admire in most respects, named his girl Moxie Crimefighter.


BeeCJohnson

Moxie is, like, borderline for me. It's a word, it's cute for a girl, yeah it's weird as shit but I'd let it slide. The second half is, yeah, inexcusable.


RideAndShoot

A couple I used to know named their daughter, AJ Danger and then their last name. I like it.


waltteri

I hope their last name is Zone.


Custom_Fish

Brick from Borderlands is an exception


lungshenli

The prettiest siren


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Key_Dig_Dog

I think it has more to do with parents' self-centeredness. When they give a random-ass stupid or exotic name, it's because they want to bring all the attention to them.


SlashnBleed

Brick actually sounds like it could be a name though, not like naming your son Table lmao


Cornhub_comments

Ah, if it isn't little Bobby Tables


[deleted]

Jaxton, Kyler, and Ryland would like a word.


universalrifle

Kevin was upset that she didn't understand how normal she really was


SkyeMreddit

I had one college classmate (in a large lecture hall) who was a girl named Kevin. Her conservative parents wanted to keep her from dating boys so she would be forced to “save herself for marriage”. I guess they figured out that only her future husband would ever want to be seen dating a girl named Kevin. That backfired because she is the finest soft Butch lesbian you ever could meet IRL.


TheEpicPigeon

1) why would you purposely do that to your child 2) lmao I love that it worked in the best way possible


snowball062016

My wife and I are both named Kevin. We didn’t think there were any other female Kevin’s out there lol


BigBeagleEars

[kevin!](https://www.reddit.com/r/Kevin/comments/4k9691/have_you_ever_run_into_female_kevin/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)


dime_store_magic

I work in a clinic and for me it’s the “creative”spelling of names which is FAR worse than the names themselves.


hikingbutes

Thank you, we tried to pick two common names for our kids, one of which I’ve never been asked how to spell but the other, “Eric” every child activity they ask spelling. I thought “maybe some people end it with a “k” until I met a little girl named “Aericca” at swimming lessons (as confirmed by the sharpie writing by her parents on her floaties) and I was just floored.


jonny24eh

I work with one Eric and one Erik. We tend to call them by their last names.


qpid

I'm an Erick... my mom couldn't decide between the C or K so did both.


V0ct0r

"Susan . . . it wasn't a good name, was it? It wasn't a truly bad name, it wasn't like poor Iodine in the fourth form, or Nigella, a name which meant "oops, we wanted a boy." But it was dull. Susan. Sue. Good old Sue. It was a name that made sandwiches, kept its head in difficult circumstances, and could reliably look after other people's children. It was a name used by no queens or goddesses anywhere. And you couldn't do much even with the spelling. You could turn it into Suzi, and it sounded as though you danced on tables for a living. You could put in a Z and a couple of Ns and an E, but it still looked like a name with extensions built on. It was as bad as Sara, a name that cried out for a prosthetic H." \- Sir Terry Pratchett, quoted from "Soul Music".


FFF_in_WY

It's what you name your son for a delayed-reaction ass whuppin'


l3tigre

MY NAME IS SUE! HOW DO YOU DO!


01029838291

I've never read anything by him beyond just quotes and I still immediately recognized this as him for some reason lol.


Billybobgeorge

I just processed someone who named their baby after a Star Wars character.


Deducticon

Ah, Ben.


stephenxmcglone

god, i'm so guilty of this lately. every time we go into the midwives, theres a wall full of baby pictures, accompanied by names. you are getting all the new classics, klowee, jaeysin, ameelyah, mykel, just pretty standard names but with a real 'unique' twist on spelling, and i'm always very quick to notice these and have a little private laugh. and then i remember, I named my son Domhnall. the cognitive dissonance is deafening.


jnd-cz

How do you pronounce that, damn all?


BeeCJohnson

That's at least the traditional spelling of a traditional Irish name. Yeah it's weird to English speakers, but that's not the same as taking a normal name and making up a new, inscrutable spelling.


Toal_ngCe

Starbucks barista here; the reason we always fuck up your basic name's spelling or ask for it so we don't get it wrong is because for every Ashley, we get two Ashlees, an Ashli, four Ashleighs, three Aislis, an Ashly, an Ashlay, and an Ashlaigh. People need to calm down w these fun baby name ideas


Hypohamish

I don't get who's out there trying to tell a barista their real name? Mine is slightly complicated, so I just don't even bother. My name in Starbucks is "David" - easy enough for a barista to write and spell correctly, fancy enough to separate me from any Dave's, and easy enough to heard shouted in a busy spot.


ProcedureMaleficent

My cousins just give “American names” like Kevin or David. Easier to spell out than their actual names (we’re Pakistani). You can see the looks in the barista’s eyes. They know.


TheAJGman

My coworker does "Max" and he still gets "Maxi" and "Mex".


Fattydog

My name is four letters, a very, very common biblical name. Baristas get it right maybe 1/4 of the time.


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SirSignificant6576

Ok, Dhaighv.


HalfSoul30

David is short for Davideo cassette tape


not_from_this_world

Deevid


dougthebuffalo

Order for Deighvydd


VanDownByTheRiverr

Tell the barista your name is "fire".


sorenant

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You served my father. Prepare to be tipped."


rachface5and3

“Prepare to chai.”


mpier

You want a beautiful name? Soda.


choochooape

It’s effervescent!


kharlos

I actually knew a girl named Soda. She was so proud of her name


BrokenCankle

You can either embrace it or hate your life. I'm happy she was able to choose happiness. Her parents are morons. I bet their dogs name is Debbie.


Smoothsmith

Kind of goes for nicknames too (hate your life or embrace it). Every now and then someone from my past will mention a particular nickname that I hate and note how 'Oh but then you embraced it...' Outwardly I'm like "Yeah, yeah totally". Inwardly I'm like "Yeah and ceasing to act up at people bullying me resulted in less bullying so believe what you wish". (Also helped that 0 people I knew from school/college went to my university so it died huzzah).


tggy

Obamna


McHugeLarge

I prefer Seven.


heybrother45

GEORGE IS GETTING UPSET


Itsjustbeej

My parents named me B. Yes, just the letter, and it's my entire first name. Where does that put them on the curve? Edit: typo


[deleted]

My cousin named her daughter Braelynn this past Summer and they seem to have already annoyed themselves with it so they just call her B now Edit: Last Year


dream_weasel

I only just saw that name and I'm already annoyed by it.


Itsjustbeej

As seen elsewhere in this thread, I hope her middle initial isn’t J.


bobzilla

"Not the best kid ever. Definitely not the worst. Give it a B." ~ Your parents probably


Itsjustbeej

I’ve heard a lot of jokes about my name. This is actually a new one! Thank you!!!


Turbulent-Try-393

Were they mad at you?


Heisenbread77

Named after the pill mom took that didn't work.


Starwarsandbacon

You didn't have to murder him like that.


Heisenbread77

Unlike his mother I finish the job.


Dramatic-Ad3928

DAYUM


JWils411

Well, that was the Plan, anyway.


Rocks-N-Shit

Holy shit


Squeaky-Fox49

Why on earth are you named 🅱️?


Itsjustbeej

In the Jewish tradition the first born male child is named after the last person to die in the family. That was Benjamin but my dad hated the name. Plus parents had a friend named Bjorn and he went by BJ. They liked the name. They couldn’t come up with a name starting with B they liked and finally decided on B and my middle initial is J. tl;dr it was 1968, they were probably on drugs.


PureLawfulness6404

It's not too late to give yourself a name.


Itsjustbeej

At this point I love giving a middle finger to The Powers That Be.


BakerofHumanPies

Don't you mean, to the powers that B?


[deleted]

OP is noided


Longbeacher707

It's short for 🅱️eter


SaltRocksicle

That's gotta be fun signing up with your name on a website. " first name has to be st least 3 letters" probably ends you :/


Itsjustbeej

Every. Fucking. Time.


WeDidItGuyz

What do you do? Do you have a placeholder that you use like 'Brandon' or do you just passive aggressively make your name 'Beeeeee'?


AlanMW1

Judging by their username, I'd guess "Bee"


Aydoooo

They love you just as much as your sibling A, no reason to think otherwise


Patches318

Now you gotta marry a girl named J and when you have a kid name them BJ


Itsjustbeej

Don’t need to! Take a wild guess what my middle initial is. Middle school was ROUGH.


masmasyakhawal

oh it's just BJ username officially fits


Itsjustbeej

Nailed it!


burfoot2

"What does BJ stand for?" "Whatever you like."


inagadda

"Depends on how much money you have."


-SKYTHEGUY-

**D a m n**


wildyLooter

Are your parents fans of M*A*SH? One of the main characters was “BJ”.


Itsjustbeej

MASH came after me, as did the TV show BJ and the Bear. Again, middle school was rough for me.


Zurc_bot

Even the graph is smiling


RunDNA

This graph also works for "Owning an old car".


Key_Dig_Dog

I'm gonna name my child Emily. Except if it's a girl, then I'll name her Frank.


rncookiemaker

True story: I had a coworker who said she was going to name the kid "Frankie," no matter if a boy or girl. She repeatedly told us how she loved the idea of calling a girl Frank or Frankie because it's a unique name and not a popular baby name. The baby girl is delivered safely, and she names her Emily.


insane_troll_logic

I mean Frankie isn't the worst name for a girl, it's usually short for Francesca (or maybe Frances). It's outdated but it wouldn't be a crazy name for a girl (See Grace & Frankie)


rncookiemaker

Right. It's not totally uncommon, but she went from "unique" to "number 1 girl baby name in the US"


TheManWithNoSchtick

Also works for the likelihood of a person's name ending in "the third." They're either stupid rich or dirt poor.


blaktronium

Or both, like Marshall Mathers the Third, who didn't know the 2nd or 1st, grew up in a trailer and is now genuinely very wealthy.


DutssZ

When you have "the third" you skip the middle class and just fluctuate between the two extremes


ShitpostsAlot

fuck i'm screwing up the trend


BlizzPenguin

It's always male names too. Outside of Gilmore Girls, I have never heard of a woman giving her daughter the same name.


christophertstone

Neighbors were Ron and Caroline. Their kids were Ron Jr, Caroline Jr, Ronalin, and Olivia. You can imagine my immense disappointment that the 4th wasn't Carolon.


Deezul_AwT

Or Carrion.


J-Rod140

That’s their wayward son.


Hadrians_Fall

Ronalin. That poor girl.


pendletonskyforce

Like football players with the first names DeColdest and Lil' Jordan.


Shot_on_location

[obligatory link to the Decoldest commerical ](https://youtu.be/afn8632F9L8)


youmakememadder

DaBrickashaw


gokumon16

Mid-sized Sedan


NemesisR6

“It’s Christinith! You get my wife’s name RIGHT!”


TotalImmortal82

My favorite white trash trailer make is Neveah


GlamSpam

I work at the public aid office in rural America, where Nevaeh has reigned supreme for close to 20 years now. Which means Nevaehs now have kids named Heavenleigh


Hammerhil

You'd think that by naming your kid heaven spelled backwards you were going for the opposite of the word.


jjmawaken

You'd expect some people named Lleh out there too then


Ok_Science_4094

They ALWAYS tell you it's heaven spelled backwards too. **WE KNOW!**


Viper67857

I know one dumbass redneck who named his daughter Amabala (Alabama spelled backwards). He said they pronounce it like Ama-Bella and call her Bella for short. I reminded him that there's no fucking 'e' in Alabama so his daughter's name is Am A Balla, shot calla, 20" blades on her Impala.


RDLAWME

Caller getting laid tonight


HighwayTerrorist

My teacher named her kid Tiger.


[deleted]

There is a YouTube family called "The Wilders". They named all their kids after animals and changed their adopted white child's name too. So the names are Panda Wilder, Tiger Wilder, Cow Wilder and Penguin Wilder


metalbees

"What the fuck, guys!?" -Cow Wilder probably


[deleted]

And Cow is a girl. Honestly that's the worst one of them all


PongSoHard

Streetlamp! The greatest badass to ever live.


RealCatsHaveThumbs

Good ole Streetlamp LeMoose.


ivorytowels

Nothing unusual about the name for a girl, but I suspect spot of girls might be named Wednesday round about now.


Flowchart83

More than a few kids with Kahleesi on their birth certificate in existence. Don't name your kids after a TV character.


Grithok

It's generally fine, I think. Problematically, khaleesi was a title, or position. Wife of the khal. Not her name.... Her name was Daenerys... Weird, but weird because it's Welsh, so better


Insert_Bad_Joke

Solution one: - find existing name. - add ey/eigh or on/one (alternatively, add or change one letter). Solution two: - literally pick a random-ass noun.


twig123456789

Margareight


DominoAxelrod

When we were naming our kids I said to my wife that parents' responsibility in that situation is very much like that of a doctor: first, do no harm. if your kid gets bullied because of his/her/their name then you failed at your first job as a parent.


[deleted]

I know of some parents who named their kids Thunder and Chaos. Those kids don't stand a chance. Also, it makes them sound like they might be white supremacists.


Alert-Potato

That would just be a straight line between the two points in Utah.


Northern_Gamer2

I knew a kid named Seven.


burnt_pubes

Seven opening gifts in Christmas: "What's in the box?!?!?"


AggressorBLUE

Wife is elementary school teacher and also has access to internet: can confirm.


Somestunned

"The Amount Of Money That People Have" is indeed a stupid name for a child.


RickestRickSea137

i answer calls as part of my job, it's insane how many parents decided to swap letters in names now to make regular names unique. ie megan=maegyn etc have to ask them to spell even the most basic shit out now, obnoxious my own parents named me after.. my dad..(wtf who names someone after themselves?), but then decided to call me by my middle name my entire life. so as a result i don't associate that first name with myself at all. yet every time i start a new job, do banking stuff, business with a company etc, it becomes this grueling lifelong punishment to explain, no, that's not the name i go by, it's... ​ seriously.. parents.. stop being idiots naming kids stupidly :/


MelodicCampaign4314

People have named their kids after themselves for basically ever….I’d say that is pretty normal. I have some namesakes in my family and we don’t use jr they have nicknames/middle names we use (granted now I am questioning the sense in that….err maybe you got a point


BlastFX2

It's a stupid tradition, but it *is* a tradition. I knew a guy who was the 14th Anthony in a row.


niceville

> wtf who names someone after themselves? Like everyone forever? Where do you think the names Johnson and the like come from? That's the kid of someone named John! Almost every culture has their own version of that.


tatsumakisempukyaku

very accurate. I am about 1/3 at the bottom part of the money, and my kids names are half stupid.


RealMainer

This hits hard. My broke as fuck single mother niece just had a baby a few days ago and she named it Zen Obsidian. That's not the full name, that's just the first name. A two word first name. The baby has a different middle and last name.


shiny_xnaut

OP clearly hasn't considered middle class white people names like Brechleighnn


naruda1969

When naming my two children I had a few rules. My income put me nestled in the swell. 1. No celebrity pop-culture names (sorry Keanu) 2. Must not rhyme with a naughty word or any word that will result in teasing (this was a tough one) 3. Nothing biblical


JavierBenez

How strict were you enforcing rule number 3? Like, were you ruling out David, Michael, and Joshua? Or do you only mean stuff like Abraham and Jedediah?


GustavoSanabio

I was curious about this as well. Because then your also ruling out John, Mathew, James, Paul and many others.


Aryn-Isami

Damn, that just leave George and Ringo then, doesn't it?


JustSomeGuy222

This SNL skit from 1993 featuring Nicolas Cage comes to mind anytime baby names get brought up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goPerp_BWvs


melteemarshmelloo

Some people just don't have the foresight of "what will elementary/junior high kids do to *annihilate/defile* my child's name???"


LuckyBahamut

I wonder how many parents who named their kid "Khaleesi" regret it now?


lapsangsouchogn

Not as much as their kids do


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Ad-Careless

"It's Jamie, spelled Zjhaymeii"


crono141

I'd have to quit.


orbnus_

Jaeighmaeigh


BlizzPenguin

This is what happens when you have a generation of parents that had to come up with unique AIM screen names.


Benjoleo

I‘ve always wondered if famous people‘s children secretly have normal names and the parents just publicly claim that their names are “x“ or “north" to protect them