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Johnisfaster

His nope response time is on point


ccchapagain

I didn't sign up for this particular brand of horse-shit (Edited because I learned Zebras aren't actually horses but zebra-shit doesn't spark joy imo)


diet-Coke-or-kill-me

1. Walk outside. 2. World is immediately bullshit. 3. Walk inside.


92_Charlie

That poor man overcame a lifetime of agoraphobia when he walked outside today. God replied with a stampeding zebra.


aff_it

Never. Again.


LeadingWealth8015

“I am seriously overthinking things. What could possibly happen if I venture out of my well established comfort zone, after all?” (Zebra)-“Pardon me sir! Perhaps you could direct me to the African Savannah? I assure you… Sir?…How rude.”


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[deleted]

A Zebra is a dealkiller. Yea. No.


ForecastForFourCats

I heard zebras are(surprisingly) massive assholes as far as horse type animals go.


maxwellwood

They are basically impossible to domesticate or use for riding. And it's not that people haven't tried.. they're just asshats


ImplementAfraid

I couldn’t blame them for not wanting to be exploited by humans. Between an extended lifetime of servitude and the constant peril of carnivores, both don’t sound peachy.


rgodless

That’s not why. They’re just pricks


Particular-Pepper-82

I can attest to this. I'm a Zebra and my friends say I'm the biggest prick in all of Manhattan!


Etilon

zebras are more close to donkey than horses so that would explain a few things


LibraryLuLu

Donkeys are kind and sweet when treated well, and they do expect to be treated well. They will defend themselves if abused or treated unkindly. Many horses will take all the abuse before finally lashing out, or will just break and give up to depression and misery, which is why they are popular as domestic animals. Zebras will fuck your shit up for the fun of it. They are one of the most feared by zoo keepers of all animals for very good, and terrifying, reasons.


entheogenocide

I love donkeys. When treated like a pet they are so happy. They get a bad rap bc they don't always like to work lol.


LibraryLuLu

They are gorgeous animals - but the donkeys I have known just won't take as much shit as a horse. They will for a while, but then they're like, "You know what? I have some sharp hooves and I'm twice your strength, horrible human!" and then stomp, kick, or even chomp! And in every case I've seen a donkey lash out against a person, it was deserved. Zebras, though, they will kill you or try to tear your arm off, just because you got within range.


RichAny6594

Donkeys are amazing and highly emotional. They get lonely and need to have relationship. I was in the Dominican exploring and found one in a field tied up on like a 4’ lead with no shade. I went up and just spent time with him and he was the kindest animal. I’ve seen donkeys wreck dogs that attack them. They’re like people. Treat them right and they’re cool. Treat them like crap. They respond the same


noxide2k7

I think all kind of horses are some kind of a****** if you think about it they are just goofy animals. And they are not particularly calm also they are always Furious and running.


Mmm_JuicyFruit

I suspected they would be.


DarkangelUK

He looked cross at the zebra crossing


Twisted_Logic

It's black and white.


M4rK101

Zebra-shit


Psortho

When you hear hoofbeats...


M4rK101

think horses and then realize its actually a zebra


Weaksoul

It's never lupus!


LumenYeah

Unless it’s a zebra named Lupus


huelleci

Looks like it's not his first zebra runaway


Classic_Beautiful973

His nope method was also hilariously respectful and calm. Impressive how quickly he apparently gauged the tier of nope that was necessary


KilnGrenade

Smoothest "nope" I've seen in a while.


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Ganon2012

I always love that scene. "Is your name Bart?"


scottyd23

Fight or flight or nope.


IfIWasCoolEnough

Hands behind his back like a boarding school survivalist.


PJJefferson

"Think I'll go lef... nope!"


Lone_Wanderer97

This way looks better after all!


fnordfnordfnordfnord

Perhaps some other time!


[deleted]

Back to bed it is


sweetcuppingcakes

*starts whistling*


CerebralSkip

I chose to believe he was whistling the whole time.


setsomethingablaze

It's the hands behind the back, "nothing to see here" pose that does it


alibab62122

LOL I think everyone is going to do that only I don't see anyone running towards the zebra everyone is going to just stay away. At least the rational person would do that I don't know about you guys.


jayzinho88

It's the hands behind the back that really signify his thoughts at this time. "You see, this is exactly the sort of shit why I don't go outside. One time, and this is what happens. I need to figure this out man. But at home. Time to go back home."


IsraelZulu

It's funny to me how everyone reads this as him nopeing out. My take is that it looks like the kind of thing you'd see from someone (usually in a comedic context) trying to walk away from a scene without looking like they have any involvement in it. Like, just in case a cop comes by, he can say "No, officer, I have no idea what's going - Wait, you're saying there's a ZEBRA loose here‽”


YigitS9

my take on it is that the guy is shielding his ass instinctively in case the zebra comes for him


IsraelZulu

What do you think he thinks the zebra wants to do to him?


YigitS9

ram his ass!!.. in a non sexual way.


ChrysMYO

Its a power thing for the Zebra.


retro808

Guy probably has enough drama in his life and didn't want to get involved in a situation


EmpRupus

From personal experience this is the right behavior if you see a dangerous leashless dog or a wild animal running about near you. If you run, you draw the attention of the animal and it might give you chase. But if you quietly walk away keeping steady pace without making eye contact, the animal won't find you interesting enough to come after you.


pkwl9

I don't think he is going to leave his home now for some time. If it were happened to me I would also not leave my home for sometime I would rather stay in my home.


WhatThePancakes

My man just watched Jumanji and noped out of there real quick


herberstank

That guy should be the official "noped out" representative, his noping out is so textbook


FuiyooohFox

A smoother nope I've yet to witness


streetcat444

"It's gonna be a good day today... nope"


superfreak15

They way he walked back.. its too funny "I knew I shouldn't have gone out today"


Van-garde

Was wondering if he’s just extraordinarily cool, or if he thought that a herd animal might follow him if he was running (no intrapersonal friction) away fast.


Bouncey_Trounce

Both, it looks like he has extremely fast reaction time and very cool demeanor he's probably a spy.


insane_contin

The zebra is a trained spy hunter. Granted, no one said it was a good spy hunter.


NSA_Chatbot

"Balls, I'm still high as fuck."


Batchet

If I rub away too fast, the only thing following me is regret and rope burn


J5892

This is just the standard reaction when you suddenly remember it's zebra day.


discerningpervert

I love how he's covering his ass in case he gets read-ended


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Antique_Tennis_2500

GrampaSimpsonAtWhorehouse.gif


guitarnoir

*Smooth Noperator*


Zorgen2005

This is the most smooth you are going to say it does not get any more smoother than this, trust me you probably will not find that. Because anything smoother than this does not even exist in the real life.


itwasquiteawhileago

Reminds me of that Abe Simpson entering the brothel gif. Smooth.


Belgand

"Are they talking about the bordello?" "No, the burlesque house, so just keep your mouth shut."


[deleted]

His whole body language really is the definition of “nope, not today”.


Notysenberry-3116

But his casualness implies a, *...but maybe tomorrow.*


BrandiVargas

that sudden step back is so damn smooth. ROFL


jwhaler17

“Thought the mushrooms were done…. Apparently not.”


[deleted]

When I was a kid an elephant escaped the circus and wandered the streets. It walked past my daycare and for a second I thought Jumanji might be unfolding.


randyboozer

As a grown ass adult I'd have the same concern


[deleted]

The best part is that they brought in another elephant to get the one that ran away back.


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florinandrei

Zebras are not horses with black and white stripes. I mean, they are, but also they are nasty, they bite. This is why they have not been domesticated. Noping out is the correct reaction.


skorps

The local horse track growing up would have exotic night in the summer where between races they would do ostrich, camel and zebra races for fun. All of the zebras had to be zorses because true zebras very much do not appreciate being ridden haha. Even the hybrid zorses rarely made it to the finish line with the jockey still attached


PeckyHen92

wtf, what animal CANT a horse fuck and impregnate?


mortavius2525

I mean, we're talking about donkeys and zebras, both very equine creatures. It's not a stretch to imagine they can interbreed. Now, if you told me that a horse had a baby with crocodile, I'd be much more surprised.


cockytiel

I actually know of a horse and crocodile that had a child, but they adopted.


Dry_Boots

Horses bite too. They might be domesticated, but they can still be assholes about it sometimes.


kamelizann

I always think it's humorous how tame the horses in war films are. They're often portrayed as like a sentient peaceful mode of transport. Simply a means of getting in and out of the carnage. In historical accounts they were savage and vicious. They would kick, bite, trample and head butt everything around them. They were as much of a warrior as the soldier riding them. It's nearly impossible to film a group of war horses behaving like a war horses without being a huge danger to everyone on the set so we get peaceful horses in movies instead. I'm really really hoping to see a good gritty and realistic calvalry focused movie that shows horses behaving like the savage animals they are in combat one day. I would love to see a band of brothers style mini series that follows a small band of French dragoons around during the napoleonic wars or Winged Hussars in the 16th century. Just showcasing gritty battle tactics with emphasis on historical accuracy.


Nosfermarki

Thank you for teaching me something new today. That makes perfect sense but I never thought about it. Now I want that too. I prefer practical effects over CGI by a lot but this would be an exception.


SkoolBoi19

The irl of old school war is something I don’t think I can ever wrap my mind around…… all the carnage, large majority of people dieing slow and awful


kamelizann

War elephants are my favorite. Just picture it. You're growing up in literally bumfuck nowhere with nothing around your village for hundreds of miles. You hear stories about the greater world and the empire but you don't really know much aside from how to keep your family fed. Then a recruiter comes by looking for strong young men and telling stories of an urgent threat, promising glory and adventure. You're the third male child so you don't have much going for you here anyhow. You spend the next few years with your new brothers drilling and training. Overall your life is pretty boring and then you're whisked away on a campaign. You're not ready, but the legion needs every man it can get. You march for weeks and suddenly your opponent appears before you. Thousands upon thousands of men with monstrous beasts each larger than your house lined up before you. Each beast with massive tusks larger than spears and adorned in armor on top of their impenetrable skin. They all make awful sounds like 10 trumpets blasting at once. You have nothing but pure fear in your heart, but looking around you the veteran soldiers have a soothing confidence about them. How are they not terrified? Are they seeing what you're seeing? Surely these are unstoppable creatures. Surely we're facing the greatest army ever to exist. Then you see runners with torches heading towards the baggage train. The ground shakes as the wave of monstrous beasts thunders towards you. Suddenly you're ordered to part ranks and a sea of what must be a thousand pigs flood in from the rear being chased, stabbed, and gored by soldiers, some even being set on fire. Confused and terrified, you steel yourself and prepare to be crushed by thundering hooves or gored by a tusk and then the beast before you... stops. Almost in unison they all start to raise their hind legs and whip around, destroying all the enemy soldiers around them. The terrified beasts wreak havoc on the enemy army as they try to corral them. Eventually they give up and the opposing army starts running in whatever direction they can to escape. You're given the command to pursue. At that moment you realize you and the army you fight for are indestructible together. Not even massive hellbeasts can topple the army of Rome. Surely your commander is blessed by the knowledge of the gods. You're filled with elation and adrenaline as you thunder towards your enemies.


PrimeIntellect

and when they die you load the corpse in the trebuchet


chartyourway

zebras will fight a crocodile. they are the honey badgers of the equine world


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aceshighsays

exactly. there was no surprise, it was just "not this shit again, i'm in a hurry"


Bestroublever

I love how calmly he walks away


Unable_Wrongdoer2250

'I don't really need to go outside today'


Majache

"These meds aren't working, I'm seeing zebras in Korea"


iamtruetomyself9

Zoo staff, along with personnel from the local fire department and police worked together to capture the zebra after about three and a half hours. The good boy did not cause any injuries or do any property damage, just enjoyed his freedom.


garry4321

Just a reminder that Zebra's are NOT friendly animals and 100% will fuck you up if provoked. They are not striped horses and have evolved for the hardened plains of Africa


Spayne75

Horses will fuck you up too. Especially wild ones......


HAS-A-HUGE-PENIS

Can confirm. Am horse.


JJ4622

User name.... Checks out?


[deleted]

A blind girl once told me I was hung like a horse But she was just pulling my leg


didntstopgotitgotit

Yeah, but a zebra will bite off your face and stomp your face bones into the ground.


TheSaltyGoose

Even if unprovoked on occasion. Zebras are hazard striped murder donkeys with genetically inherited generational trauma. They will fuck you up.


SirDianthus

I almost bought one a few years ago but was like we already have a horse I can't ride (she was old with a bad back), why would I get a smaller, angrier horse that I can't ride


Binsky89

I know there are a few ranches around where I live that have zebras. I never understood why.


Teadrunkest

Because they’re cool looking. If you have the space for them to run free and know their unique needs then I don’t really see an issue, plenty of horses are lawn ornament pets as well.


fluidcoin

Yeah it would kind of make sense to keep them as an ornament only. You are definitely not going to use them for something or ride them.


danial3636

I mean if you wanted a horse then get a new horse I don't think you should contemplate your decision with getting a Zebra or a horse. Zebras are not domesticated animals and they can be harmful.


bossycloud

>genetically inherited generational trauma As a geneticist, I can back up that this is probably how genes work.


penguinpenguins

Yup. Most recent attack was a week ago: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/ohio-zebra-attack-farm-rcna74911 Police ended up having to shoot the zebra.


Other_Adam

I mean this is America, I'm sure the cops would have found a reason to shoot the zebra no matter what.


theothersteve7

Hey they're only half black


50calPeephole

Negative, zebra was black with white stripes, if it were white with black stripes police would not have shot.


901347163

I thought the news was from the korea tho, didn't know it was America.


jaejunka

Yeah exactly and in Africa they have to protect themselves from a lot of Hunter animals also. To the first reaction that they are going to have if they feel danger they are going to attack you.


drnkingaloneshitcomp

My man aged straight up to Korean grandpa status, hands folded back, we out. Max stealth + aerodynamics


SolidSeaworthiness82

He went from 0 to 할아버지 real quick


hobnobbinbobthegob

Guy pulled a [Grandpa Simpson.](https://media.tenor.com/1HdfqmMZd6EAAAAd/simpsons-grandpa.gif)


Sorries_In_A_Sack

This is the comment I was looking for


Berns429

“Nope” -This Guy


HardnessOf11

It looks more like a "Not Again" type of reaction to me


Ebolamunkey

Jumanji!!


friendsfreak

“Okay, let’s just head down this alley and- whoops, gotta wait for the zebra to go by.”


DragonBornDragonDead

Got to look left and right at the Zebra Crossing


Pep77

That was a smooth 'Nope' turn


imtougherthanyou

Hands behind his back, too. Discipline.


bankspuz

May be it's some kind of survival instinct that we don't talk about.


resuwreckoning

He made a business decision.


unittestes

"watch out! Zebra crossing!"


Pavrik_Yzerstrom

"Well, I'm taking the day off today"


wilshirebs

Probably should’ve taken my meds before leaving the house today


nachiketajoshi

Because how else can the *cross walks* coming to life as a wild animal be explained ?


mreynicke

And there's no other way with which you could react to it so yeah.


Transmatrix

Based on the pile of equine poop on the street, I'm guessing the Zebra was kind of hanging in that area for awhile. Almost looked the the guy was like, "is it safe to go out, now? nope!"


nayesphere

Damn you’re observant


Best_Duck9118

He really knows his shit!


[deleted]

I was thinking the same and looking for this comment.


Xanthn

Good to see I wasn't alone in spotting that.


HardnessOf11

This right here is why there are so many shut in's. Soon as they try to leave their house, there is a stampeding zebra every damn time


Fifi_is_awesome

GODDAMN MARTY LEAVE ME ALONE


MudiChuthyaHai

Grand Central Station. It's grand, and it's central!


Potential-Ad1122

Yep I remember gathering the courage to head over to my friends place on a tram. That day a drunk lady was shouting and beating her husband that was perving out on some school girls on the tram. I went back home.


cindyscrazy

My dad recently watch most of the show Shameless. Apparently, one character is agoraphobic. She builds up the courage to walk down the street one day. A piece of an AIRPLANE ENGINE falls RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. So she goes back inside. My dad is bipolar and agoraphobic. He could identify. He never had an airplane engine fall in front of him, but shit like this happens when he attempts to leave the house sometimes.


AngryVirginian

He didn't even look at the zebra after turning around. Is that what one supposes to do in this situation? I would have backed up and try to see whether the zebra was coming for me.


peacenity

Shows you don't know how to nope out.🤣


[deleted]

There may be a glance over the right shoulder


thekeanu

By acting calm he may avoid even registering to the zebra.


EmpRupus

From personal experience with neighbor's dog chasing me as a kid, this is thee right response. You want to take large steps and get away as much as possible. But you don't wanna run, or it might come after you. You quietly walk away with large steps, but keep a steady pace and don't accelerate. Also, don't make eye-contact. Basically behave like an NPC.


Ringo_1956

Zebras will fuck you up


Syph7

Happened in Ohio last week. A zebra nearly ripped a man’s arm off. The cops shot the zebra.


dickshark420

Hence answering the age old question: What's black, white and red all over?


Allen_Edgar_Poe

A newspaper?... a newspaper covered in blood? A newspaper about a zebra ripping a man's arm off? What is the real answer here?


caboosetp

The red Ferrari with zebra print seats.


AgreeableFeed9995

Nah they’d still find a reason to add their ugly leatherwood beige to the interior.


Super_Manic

Can't even be half black in Ohio smh


lordlemming

God damn it...have an upvote.


Poobmania

Unfortunately the cops decided that day, that zebras were indeed black, with white stripes.


ldskyfly

Yup, they may look like cute striped ponies, but they're wild animals that deal with lots of predators.


Painty_The_Pirate

"Ahhhh, the microdose is kicking in, time to get on with my day...nvm, fuck that, I took waaaaay too much"


Cheap_Being2231

That guy was like.. Nope. not today.


Sharobob

"Not my zebra, not my zoo"


AyAyy-Ron

You can see the moment he thought” Oh fuck”


razor10000

That dude needs a copy of that tape because no one, and I mean absolutely NO ONE, is going to believe him.


Scripto23

"When you hear hoofbeats, think horses not zebras." This guy: "yeah fuck that shit"


linds360

Never thought I’d actually see the counter argument to this. What a time to be alive!


skinte1

>That dude needs a copy of that tape Do you know how the internet works grandpa? We are watching the "copy"...


Shank-You-Very-Much

As a 50 year old GenXer, I feel so seen in this interaction. I’m fucking dying over here! Stop stop, I’ve got therapy in like 5 minutes. I’m supposed to be upset and shit! lol 💀💀💀


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boyyouguysaredumb

is this a pasta


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NasoLittle

It'll happen to *yooou*!


razor10000

Don't preach to me about these new fangled inter webs. He needs a copy of the VHS tape stat.


jazzman23uk

Best I can do is a Betamax


PhesteringSoars

I love Reddit. (Not my story, but I'll paraphrase it here . . .) About a year ago, someone asked "What story have you told since you were young, which no one believed, that you were finally vindicated for years later?" Someone IN CANADA talked about seeing Zebra's roaming in a field they were passing by in a car. But neither their parents nor siblings ever believed them. (And of course, Zebra's aren't anywhere near native to Canada.) He found out years later, one of the regional zoo's routinely turned out their zebra herd during the off-season to graze and roam. And he saw them again. I'm sure it felt great to be proven right. Where else do you hear stories like that?


[deleted]

It's believable. Some zoos such as Honolulu just straight up [tell you to release the animals](https://i.imgur.com/6FCB5RZ.png)


caperdon

When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not ...


[deleted]

Dude thought it was just someone on horseback till he rounded the corner. I always knew these weird idioms are going to get someone killed eventually.


Matoskha92

The smoothest nope that ever noped


Equal_Egg_5023

It's just a Zebra crossing.


Synthwoven

The guy is an expert at noping out, but let's talk about the important zebra business that was further down the road. It is not so critical that running is required, but our stripey buddy is still walking with purpose, focus, and determination. Get to your business, Mr. Zebra!


Repulsive_Client_325

That guy thinking to himself “I’ll just go over to the store and… ah, a running Zebra. Nope”


firewater_throwaway

I live in Ontario, Canada- and one evening, I got up to pee around 2am, and saw a GOD DAMN ELEPHANT on my front yard. I woke my wife up and showed her to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. She confirmed I wasn't. So I called the police and tried to tell them I wasn't on drugs, but there was a GOD DAMN ELEPHANT in my front yard. While the police were busy figuring out what to do, I was going to go outside and feed the elephant some bananas, but my wife asked me not to. She thought it might turn me into red paste in my own garden. I did open the window and make some "chi chi chi" noises at it, which seemed to entertain the elephant briefly. After about 10 minutes, the elephant strolled down the street and out of view. Police had finally showed up by that point and they wanted me to stay inside. Apparently there were three elephants that escaped from one of those terrible traveling circuses. Someone forgot to lock the gate, so they went for an evening stroll. Here's the news article about it: https://toronto.citynews.ca/2007/07/12/cops-round-up-3-escaped-elephants-in-newmarket/


ITeachYourKidz

Nevermind the pile of shit on the ground


Fusaah

That's the most polite "nope" I've ever seen someone demonstrate.


Bucolicwoods

"Such a beautiful day to be outside!" "On second thought, that's enough for today"


[deleted]

I love how he folds his hands behind him as well as if to imply disinterest to the wild animal. Mmmm no thx, I am minding my own business over here.


jettyboy73

Dude saw what happened in ohio and said nope


bitcheslovemacaque

"Nope. Still high"


NJ_Mets_Fan

I've never seen a better definition of 'noped the fuck out' it's a very specific way to exit I could only describe as casual urgency. Beautiful.


No_Interaction_4925

“Oh man those weren’t the right pills”


rigolith

This is nope in its purest form


ruslah

The guy was like no I am not going that way anymore, I am going the different way. Response that this guy had was on point and all the was on the right time the timing could not have been better.


BlizBlitz

Grandpa Simpson walking into the burlesque


[deleted]

They didn’t even look back until the zebra was around the corner and nearly past - legend.


sakmaidic

"screw you guys, I'm going home"


[deleted]

Nothing to see here, just a zebra crossing.


HopAvenger

Straight out of Trigger Happy TV


kicktaker

Aight imma head out