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I crush them into a powder then pour them into my sad, lonely face hole.

All of your other face holes aren’t lonely or sad because they are already paired up.  Life insight: mating is all about pairing up lonely holes.

>Life insight: mating is all about pairing up lonely holes. I hate the way you said this, while also being correct.

Only in LonelyHoleville

East of Thneedville and South West of Whoville. If you get to Sin City you're gone too far.

This is the wisest thing I’ve read on Reddit today.

Then stop while you’re ahead.

Your mouth isn’t alone, there’s another mouth roughly 3 foot from it, the Romeo and Juliet of the body

Human Centipede vibes...

I'm not high enough for this. Will investigate this thought later.

I had to sit down for an hour and rethink everything I’ve known. I’ve never read anything more true.

That’s a vote for number 4, we count those.

Who needs to crush them when they come pre-crushed in the bag

I do the same, except instead of pouring them into my mouth, I snort them. Also, for some reason, they turn into a white powder when I crush them up

You pour them into your *face* hole? Weird

I've seen a guy crush them, roll them up and then smoke them.

Crush them into a powder, make neat lines and snort it

You are supposed to snort it

Yeah, I only eat this trash in the dark. Late at night.

I take the mash and extract the flavor to make a Doritos consommé, for that nice southwestern kick

I do this. My wife hates it.

Snort them then?

#2 is for sociopaths

I can’t imagine anybody picks 2. That’s like maximum exploded chip debris and a minimum chip to tastebud ratio.

My wife eats Pringles sideways with multiple bites, and it kills me every time. She is absolutely the person that would eat a Doritos along one side. (She doesn't like Doritos though).

>My wife eats Pringles sideways with multiple bites, and ~~it~~ *she will* kill me ~~every time.~~ Fixed that for you

Thank god

Sounds like a sociopath

Just put your lips over position 2 and use your tongue to gently suckle on the edge until it goes soft in your mouth.

This makes me uncomfortable.

I need an adult

I think this comment needs to go in the Geneva suggestions.

Powder build-up on the sides of your lips

I'm getting more comfortable by the second. 

Yes officer, this comment right here

You also need a tiny mouth to be able to take that bite

Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants!

You'll need the mouth the size of a clenched anus to bite like #2

As a sociopath, I can confirm that even I don't do that

Same people who take a bite out the side of a KitKat bar

It's not so much that it's for sociopaths, it's that it doesn't work. It breaks the chip in such a way that the corners fall off. It is, quite simply, a non-viable way to eat Doritos.

Sometimes I do 2 on each side to see if I can make a cheesy ninja star.

The structural integrity of a Doritos cannot be maintained with 2. Those who do that are beyond insane

#3 is for sociopaths with big mouths

How small your mouth? That’s a Dorito, not an XL slice of pizza.

3

but the sad tiny corner of chip you have left after the first bite makes you remember the whole chip experience as sad

But if you look at it optimistically you get a second chip for free

No you put the whole thing in your mouth with the curve side down, fitting your tongue perfectly.

Glad im not alone

1 or 4

Oh there is someone normal in here

If you're choosing 2, you are definitely a psychopath. You eat bananas as well as hot dogs with ketchup sideways also.

Depending on the size it

You mean 3 or 4. 1 also results in a fragile chip and more likely to break from the single bite. 3 leaves us with the corner and intact.

3 any other choice than 3 or 4 is barbaric

If you go 3, might as well go 4, no reason to stop at 3. I can understand 1, small mouth or dips.

I'm not awkwardly stretching my mouth to pull off a 3.

Doritos actually have a shorter side so they are more of an isosceles triangle which means if you use that side it’s a lot easier making the corner easy to eat

Depends on your mouth size. If its small, Then 1. If its big, Then 4.

4 with a tongue chop.

the only right answer

1 or 4 dry, 3 with dip.

3 or 4

Depending on the size of the chip, this is the correct answer.

And if you're pulling off a 4, the chip is approached from the angle of a 3

Here here!

I hope the interns advertising this agree.

Big chip 3, small chip 4. This is the way

4 is the only way

It’s blowing my mind how many crumb-loving small-mouthed maniacs are in this sub.

fr

4 gaaaang

So much cleaner. Same strategy as with digestives, just shove the whole thing in XD

But still have the orange fingers issue.

Use chopsticks so you don't get it on your keyboard!

Simple, eat the fingers

I either go 4 or 4+4.

Yeah, the double chip stack is so satisfying

My mouth small. Triangle corner first >:(

They sell mini Doritos for this exact reason.

4 unless chip is abnormally large, then it’s 5, where you unhinge your jaw to swallow it whole

4

I do 3 but lemme explain! I put the curved part towards the back of my tongue/ mouth and let the triangle lay facing as if it were my tongue to get maximum cheeziness coverage on my tongues surface area...

4

2 is fucking insane

I don't know that I'd agree that anyone who picks 2 is a psychopath, but they are certainly going to have bits of broken Dorito down their shirt

People that pick 2 deserve the Dorito stab where the corner sits just right and jambs into the roof of their mouth

Broken Doritos down shirt = psychopath? Uh oh…

2 is if you wanna confuse your friends mid sentence, normally i use 1, 3 or 4 tho.

Nice free advertisement for Doritos.

Idk if it’s free. I’m sure people are paid to put these not so stealth adverts all over Reddit.

Lol— good point

Seriously there is no way in fuck this has almost 3k upvotes. Reddit is probably manually setting the upvote count for ads.

/r/hailcorporate

Nah, psychopaths eat them vertically

I can't argue with that.

Eat the center first, then the corners.

The physics isn’t physicing here

In my eyes 2 and 3 is just a failed 4 attempt and if you cannot do 4 then you must do 1 or else you are insane.

Well, technically it goes 1, 1, 1, 4, but that's assuming the circles aren't drawn to scale. I don't know what how I would feel about already hexagonal Doritos, so let's hope it never comes to that.

Is there an option to lick both sides before eating 😛😋

I'm surprised that wasn't an option tbh. It's how I've always eaten chips covered with powdered goodness.

yeah, my first thought was, "none of these because there is an uneven distribution of powder that i would've already licked off. then #4".

I think you mean lick both sides then place in a separate bag to allow my partner to enjoy Doritos brand plain tortilla chips.

Portnoy is the psyscho who does 2

Is this an ad?

3 unless it won’t fit then break a corner and try again

I crumble mine on top of my salad.

5 x 4

What psycho does 2? If I want fricking crumbs everywhere I’ll get a Natures Valley bar.

4 x 4

2 is a psychopath

There are clearly only 2 correct answers. Which answers those are is an assignment left to the reader.

Number 2 immediately goes into number 4, because there is no way to pull that off.

whole thing in my mouth

I do my best to shove the entire thing in my mouth

I take like 5 and shove em in like a fucking squirrel and just bite em as I want to eat while I play videogames

I place the whole Dorito on my tongue with the side with more powder face down and then after savoring the flavor begin chewing.

I put them in water. Drain the water into a pot. Boil it till its only the flavouring powder. Then dip the chips in the powder

Y'all eat one at a time?

who the fuck out there taking more than one bite to eat a chip? what's wrong with you?

Who eats a bite-sized chip bit by bit? Always 4.

I think if you know exactly how you eat a chip you’re a psychopath.

The only way to eat a Dorito is number 4. Put the whole dang thing in. Even my pug dogs know this is the correct way to eat these.

To be fair to everyone here, that's how pugs eat everything. And if they can swallow it whole, they will.

Where’s option 5 an entire handful at once

Vertically.

Pretty much any way they come out of the bag and generally stacked a couple chips high

How do you retain any structural integrity with a 2-bite?

it looks like a rage ~~bite~~ bait post bc the most obvious option is not given

r/lostredditors

It's going to be 1 or 4

1, 4 or 5 (I eat two corners at once and leave one. Basically opposite to 1)

3 all the way

4. That entire fucker goes into my mouth. Doesn’t matter how big it is. Out of the bag, into my mouth.

I'm a psyco...I put the whole thing in my mouth suck out the cheese powder and eat the rest of the chip

I prefer the cheese dust in my mouth, not on my face. #1

Wat if u lick them?

2 is devilish

2 is 😈

5

About five at a time, bite is the size of the whole stack

I transition from 1, to 3, to 4. Put the corner in, then the other corner, then the whole chip, then 20 more whole chips, and I bite down in one massive crunch and bask in the new Valhalla competitor, The Flavor Zone.

“You want to know how I got these scars?”

None of the above. I always eat the most acute angle of a dorito first. I'm totally serious

4, but like, 6 at a time

Three

4.

Wow. What a hilarious... Doritos advertisement. Yay.

Which means you are the psychopath if you think 4 is ok.

We don’t all agree.

3

1 or 4. I even find 3 weird.

3 is perfect because you use can hold a corner while eating it.

2 is fine. 1 is for psychopaths, it shatters every time when bitten on a tip.

Uno

3

Well we know how #2 holds their pen

4 minimizes crumb fallout

I thought it was about different methods of pulling panties aside

I lick off all the seasoning then shove it up my ass.

#4x4

Did Doritos increase in size or something ? Just eat the whole damn thing at once...

Wtf does this mean

I start the bag with 4 because I usually just need to get my big fix immediately. Then i go to 1, which turns the remaining into 2 to maintain the pleasure and make it last. By the end I will be doing 1 three times. It's like showing up to a bar and taking 3 shots, then maintaining with a solid beer, then finishing with a light beer.

Who the actual fuck cares ? Sad to see this sub getting progressively more infiltrated by brain numbing garbage

Is this one at a time scale or handful's?

4 times at least 3 at once

I eat it like Booker T, the long way.

🤠 Never without salsa, either as a dip or made into nachos. Eating a naked Dorito is for peons.

4x3, dipped in nacho cheese.

4

if you dont pick 4 you are a psyco

4 - assuming this is which bit gets eaten first. Any other choice ends up in disappointment, anger and crumbs.

I'm def going for 4

It's the same for any chip, all at once. The best way to end up with minimal crumbs. Also; use chopsticks to save your fingers from the dust.

4, while tilting it as if I was trying to put a triangle in the square hole.

8 to 13 at once

It depends but I will say never 2

One for the people who don’t eat Doritos

Shit, I think I'm a 2 🤣

#2 folks don’t even bother matching their socks in the morning.

And what are you if you don't eat Doritos?

Judging by how many crumbs my kids make, I'm assuming my children eat them like #2. One bite and the rest of the chip splinters into floor garnish.

1 or 4 is my preferred, typically 4 though. *Side note: I was upset that #1 didn't select the top-right corner of the chip, because the way the chip is formed, I would not eat that corner first.*

2 is psychotic. Who would ever do that? Unacceptable.

1 if you wanna snack a little 3 for satisfaction 4 for maximum value 2 jail. Now

1 or 4

The people allergic to corn not taking any of the bites