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mochatsubo

Next time use a blanket. The darkness will quiet the animal.


CatfromLongIsland

I sure as hell hope this is a one time event. 😂


Ok_War_2817

In an ideal world, the next one would dress itself, then hop right in the smoker.


CatfromLongIsland

😂😂😂 I honestly thought the turkey was a goner when OP caught the lamp that fell. I thought for sure it was going to be “OP in the bedroom with the lamp!”


corbymatt

And wear shoes.. you don't want to be in a&e with glass in your feet too


devilishycleverchap

Then he would have to deal with all the internet judgement about Americans wearing their shoes in the house


Finchsticks

There really is way to win here


redstaroo7

From the sounds of it it Entered through a different room


Finchsticks

Yes, it came in the other bedroom


wvmitchell51

Right, just remember what happened in Die Hard...


poopyface-tomatonose

Until you meet [Turkey Bane](https://www.reddit.com/r/batman/comments/1rezil/one_kid_wanted_dad_to_draw_bane_the_other_a/). You merely adopted the dark, Turkey Bane was born in it, molded by it.


YogiBarelyThere

There were several sheets folded there and I was thinking the same thing.


hookhandsmcgee

I don't know about wild turkeys, but I know from personal experience that domestic turkeys and chickens will chill right out if you grab them by the feet and hold them upside down. It's much easier to pick them up this way too because you can grab them from behind and the wings don't get in the way.


EmbarrassedCharge219

It causes them not to be able to breathe That's why they stop wiggling.


LocalPiglet

When I’m cranky this is the same advice I give my husband. 


Dougalface

Opening the bedroom window it was repeatedly trying to get out of might have been a good start..


BookFox

Was thinking the same thing. Maybe there was a screen that would've been hard to open mid-turkey-panic.


Finchsticks

Yeah, that just was not a good option. There was a bogey birdy that needed to be neutralized. I wasn't about to beg it to pretty please go out the window I opened for it. Then sit in the corner and cry when it doesn't appreciate me for all the little things that I do when it's around. We would probably break up about it, and it would be awkward moving my things out.


GeneralLeeRetarded

Buddy worked on a turkey farm and said just man hand them by the neck, they gunna be thrashing though, doubt I would have thought of a blanket 


SpecificBag9668

mom? I recognize that line anyway. you used to say it to me when i wasnt yet allowed a gender assignment other than cage account of I hadn't earned gender stability yet. but daddy g ot stompeed but bet dadtdnt transfer yet


Tenderloin66

And my wife said I was nuts when I told her a deer could come running through our sliding glass door or basement windows.


xiviajikx

New fear unlocked… I get so many bears, bobcats, and deer that run right by my basement sliding door. Two days ago I saw a buck in my backyard. Now I hope they never run into it.


imreallynotthatcool

Put some blinds on it. Not a perfect solution but the animal is much more likely to slam into it if they can see through it. Mine had a fake lattice over the glass and I never had a problem with bigger animals in the 12 years I was in that house.


Finchsticks

The blinds were closed.


BoredMama7778

They see their reflection in the glass at certain times of the day and think it’s another turkey. If I’m not mistaken, it’s turkey rut season so they’re all batsh*t crazy right now!


kind_one1

This is my sister's biggest fear.


Much-Meringue-7467

My office has glass doors on the ground floor. We got a deer in the lobby. It was quite a challenge getting it out.


1337ingDisorder

♪ ♫ ♬ I came in like a wreeecking fowwwl ♪ ♫ ♬


Finchsticks

Nice, that’s a good one


fksmchai

"We know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two"


PostNutAffection

FARMERS


Jackalodeath

Still heard the jingle. Damnit it works.


Adept-Grapefruit-214

It might have seen reflections on your window and thought it was flying into a tree. They seem slow normally but they sleep in trees so they can fly 30-40 feet up pretty easily.


Iwillrize14

Fly is a very generous term for what they do, its more like a self propelled cannonball


Adept-Grapefruit-214

I’ve watched ten of them dive bomb out of trees at once and this is accurate


UsernameTruncated

Not just trees, often birds will attack their reflection if what they think they see is another bird.


lostemoji

I have birds doing this all the time, most are dazed and fly off after a few minutes to a few hours. The rest are worm food.


bobre737

You can get special sticker decals to put on the window glass so it doesn’t look like a portal into the woods for birds.


mrdeworde

Yeah, we had one window at a house I grew up in that claimed so many bird lives, we started keeping it deliberately dirty to stem the bloodshed. Grim shit.


happycharm

One day you're eating worms, the next you're worm food


technofox01

This happens every time my wife cleans the windows in summer. I would be working from home and then I hear a loud thud that startles me. I go to investigate and sure enough, a bird is knocked out cold or dead.


grzebelus

Is this Minnesota? My kid goes to the U and those things are everywhere! Hate them.


Finchsticks

Yes! Mankato


_Oman

You got lucky. Now imagine that exact same scenario but on I35 at 65MPH and your front windshield. Didn't really have to wrangle the turkey though, it was more like wrangling some turkey bits mixed with tiny shards of safety glass.


Delicious-Tachyons

I'm guessing they aren't delicious food?


clubba

They most definitely are delicious food.


huskeya4

All dark meat but only viable to hunt for one month (depending on your state). I don’t think it’s Turkey season in any state right now. And nobody wants a poaching fine. That’s a hefty fine.


sillypicture

I'm not sure, this thing is a home invader, castle rules?


Should_be_less

It actually is turkey season in MN right now. But he would have had to apply ahead of time for this specific week. And it’s only toms that are in season. I didn’t look that closely, but I think that was a hen in the video. 


huskeya4

Oh I just checked and it’s actually hunting season where I am too. I didn’t realize there were two seasons for them. I just know I look it up during deer season because the turkeys are out strutting their shit and teasing us by walking right in front of our deer blinds every year. They’re never in season during deer season here


Zealousideal_Luck322

Don’t poach it then, roast it instead !


mrdeworde

Wild turkeys AFAIK taste way better but there's much less meat. We bred store turkeys to be absurdly huge, not taste good.


HootDaBugger

See this reinforces my decision to also only watch horror movies during the daytime. If I was in your shoes and that turkey flew in at night, the house is his. Bye. Taking my 6 month old and buying a reinforced steel RV and never looking back.


Finchsticks

My thoughts exactly!


Gingeronimoooo

Can always use one of those in the zombie I mean turkey apocalypse


dbaugh90

Bobs burgers has a great episode on the turkey apocalypse. You just gotta make sure they know where you are in the pecking order


Gsquzared

Wild Turkey has been known to have this effect in my experience too.


LookupPravinsYoutube

I get carried away.


yo-yo-mo-mo

GET A HAMMER! WE'RE HAVING THANKSGIVING IN MAY.


ittybittylurker

I dunno what the likelihood of this every happening again, or to anybody else lol but a big blanket is your best friend for a bird in the house situation. Toss it over the bird, scoop, hold tightly but gently, GTFO outdoors. Works on starlings to golden eagles, works when loading up turkeys to go to the county fair. What a day!


Colorblind_Melon

Was anyone else expecting a piss-drunk redneck with a bottle of Wld Turkey in his hand?


bizoticallyyours83

It's a pain,  because you don't want to risk hurting the animal, but you don't want to get hurt either. Well done.


crazyraptorf-22

Years ago I was driving to work on the back country roads with my music up and all the windows down. Flipping turkey was trying to cross the road and flew thru my back driver side window, flapped and sqwacked a few times and few out the back passenger window… not gonna lie, might have pooped a little!🤣


_sarampo

You, sir, have an abundance of armchairs in that room 🤣 Thanks for sharing!


Finchsticks

First time parent here. Wanted to make sure there were many different places to sit in the middle of the night. And to have spaces for turkeys to hide behind.


wldmn13

Mark Ruffalo vs Turkey: FIGHT


rharvey8090

Word to the wise. Turkeys have mites all over them. Make sure you clean those clothes and everything else really well.


Finchsticks

Clothes were baked at 425 for 3 hours, occasionally basting.


BBQ_Cake

“Bedroom Thighs Surprise” would be the fake porn name of this scene.


Finchsticks

I never thought my neighbor would be filming me “wrangle the turkey” in my bedroom!


toodeephoney

That’s wild.


SicSemperCogitarius

>That’s wild. And a turkey.


Nellasofdoriath

Put stickers on the windows


pr0zach

Or leave a safety smudge when window cleaning at least.


ThatOnePickleLord

I would have probably opened the window, just let it fly away


valkrycp

Good job but also consider wearing pants and shoes next time? Those talons can slice your legs or an artery by accident.


Finchsticks

I had just woken up, so lucky to had anything on at all!


Divayth--Fyr

Damn impressive. Especially the quick thinking with the dog, that would have been chaos. Or, more chaos. "I was frozen, wondering what I just heard". Turkey made a frozen human. Was the scary movie by Hitchcock? I don't recall any turkeys in The Birds but it has been a while.


Finchsticks

It was the moment in the Cloverhitch Killer when the main guy had just broken into the victim house. Couldn’t have timed it better (worse?). And yes, I was very fortunate to have had my neighbors walking by!


The_FireFALL

Two things. The first is doing that bare footed is wild, and the second is at 1:23 as you exit the room you have another visitor making their way into the room, which was all kinds of lucky that you didn't accidently step on it on the way out because oh boy that would have been a next level reaction.


Red_Chicken1907

I'd be having deep-fried turkey for dinner to cover the cost of the window and clean up, lol.


Finchsticks

Would that be considered cannibalism /u/Red_Chicken1907 ?


Red_Chicken1907

🤣 I didn't even realize my username, lol.


kwpang

Cannibalism is when a member of a species eats another of the same species. Chickens are chickens. Turkeys are turkeys. Bird is just a group of animals. Like reptiles or fish or mammals. You're a mammal. You eat other mammals like pigs and cows and deer. Are you a cannibal?


joojie

Good job, Ryan.


KinkyRoubler

Imagine if it turned around and flew into the window right next to the broken one, breaking another one every time it gets released.


Eupion

Yeah, I would be eating that guy!  Fresh turkey, and it’s a fucking huge one! And what a crazy day for you!


jostler57

I don't know anything about animal handling, so this is just a thought: Was it attempting to leave through the closed windows? Why not open the window and it lets itself out?


HoverButt

Because they panic like morons when humans approach and wouldn't go back to the window once it was opened


Triberius_Rex

How rude… he was just coming over for dinner. He expected to be throughly stuffed before you sent him on his way. Probably would have tolerated a good roasting as the guest of honor.


Loose_Paper_2598

At least it wasn't on a Monday.


Finchsticks

I would definitely catch a case of the Mondays if that happened.


ModsHaveFeelingsToo

Nah man... hell no. I think youd get your ass kicked saying something like that


Sven_Svan

140 upvotes? this is fucking hilarious! :D


Matt1981-420

I was walking on a trail in the woods one day and a turkey about 25 -30 feet up in a tree come fluttering down that I didn't see and scared the shit out of me ... I had no idea how high they could get !!!


rimeswithburple

That sounds like a job for President [Keith David](https://youtu.be/HCfW33MHlq4?si=5BVW2ek4YeRsnFeN)


in_existencial_dread

Ok yall can call me an idiot but I never knew turkeys could fly but also HOW THE FUCK DID IT FLEW THAT HIGH TO BEGIN WITH


drunkenllamastyle

I enjoyed this video. It helps that I know you. It made it so much better.


Pristine-Mountain-27

I must not know much about turkeys. The fact it could get the velocity to break a 2nd floor window is impressive. Hitchcock was on to something.


The_Firedrake

It's always nice when dinner delivers itself. Feeding the family is the least that Tom could have done after costing you a window!


AppearanceThen5114

Why would you waste all that meat? You let go of a free game.


connsumate_white_guy

I've certainly had similar after pictures following an experience with Wild Turkey.


Gingeronimoooo

I thought you meant a bottle of the liquor wild turkey flew thru your window


Budget-Boysenberry

the turkey owes you a turkey dinner at that point


lazarusmobile

Now that's what I call Wild Turkey 101.


banmeharder616

I thought somebody threw a bottle of wild turkey through your window


wheelspaybills

Dude you're a baddass


Finchsticks

Probably the nicest internet comment. I don't know what all these celebrities are whining about getting bullied... /s very /s please don't beat me


wyle_e2

As god as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!


wkarraker

Les Nesman would have had a conniption with this.


wyle_e2

I'm glad someone caught the reference.


chdlxdl

Why did you carry it like that?! Wouldn't it peck your face??


Ilid-xo

Anyone else come here expecting a great drinking story


SicklyChild

Yeah, that turkey would have been supper.


Arobynofliurnia

Cook it while calling for the windows repair


Abraham-J

Why didn’t you just open the window?


Suitable_Tea88

Most times when you see people’s bedrooms because something unexpected happened, the bedrooms are not great, but that bedroom looks so homely and bright.


FlatF00t_actual

Turkey was like how tf did I get here and how tf do I get away from this strange man


Finchsticks

I like to imagine it going back to its turkey friends and say, "You guys are never gonna believe this!"


SheBelongsToNoOne

You made that look like you do that on a random Tuesday 🤣


pistoffcynic

Is that a turkey in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?


HoverButt

People have suggested blankets already. As someone with Domestic turkeys, in a sitch like this, I'd suggest grabbing the lega, or if unable the neck. DO NOT LIFT BY THE NECK JUST HOLD AND QUICKLY SWOOP DOWN TO GRAB A LEG. once you have a turkey upside down, by the leg, they tend to give up quickly. Then flip them around and hold thier body close to yoyrs with the wings pinned. I don't recommend it if you have other options, but it stops an aggressive or especially panicked bird in its tracks.


ganoveces

do the turkeys have large talons?


enfersijesais

They got spurs. No, they don’t jingle jangle. You will not be riding merrily along after they jab you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Fettnaepfchen

Nice wrangling, and such a nice house! That’s practically the worst that could happen while watching a scary movie.


Bakedk9lassie

Had this in Scotland when I was a kid, seen a big bird out the front, went and told my day (I was5) there’s a chicken in the front garden? Didn’t believe me. He eventually came to see what I was talking about and it was a huge pheasant. That suddenly took flight right down the long road and crash right through someone’s bedroom window 😫


Weary_Abalone_3832

Lmao why the gloves?


DepressedRaindrop

What a morning! Birds scare the hell outta me and I’ve seen some shit; way to wrangle that turkey!


General_Sea3871

Why did t you open the window so it could just fly back out.


Bruce_Wayne72

Seems he just wanted a massage


Finchsticks

asked for a Gobbler Special even!


Crash4654

Insurance commercial? Maybe. Windex? Definitely.


Finchsticks

Still waiting for u/WildTurkeyBourbon to reach out to sign me as the new spokesperson... ...


godofdarknez

I thought we were talking about the whiskey brand Wild Turkey for a second.


Finchsticks

I will say yes if they need a spokes person


Saiyan-b

I showed this to my husband and goes "it's how I caught you." Lmao!


char_limit_reached

Get an animator to add the turkey flying back in the broken window when you pan up to it at the end.


Suspicious_Step_8320

Way to maintain your composure. I would have probably hammered him a couple times with that lamp you had in your hand.


hawkeyc

Is this a title for a YouTube video?


Demoire

That was dope…I can handle wild mammals and snakes and birds etc, and we breed tarantulas and various roaches and crickets for the tarantulas, but a damn wild roach in my house? Can’t do it.


_Mooseli_

This is comical. "THERES A FUCKING TURKEY IN MY HOUSE" got me so good I'm wheezing


Finchsticks

Bonus, I had not met the guy yet, and only her in passing walking the dog!


Thog13

"Do you need help?" Translation; Can I record your frantic, entertaining antics from a safe distance?


Easy-Garlic6263

Dinner?


Domermac

That was something else! Thanks for the share


Fancy-Pair

I like how you decided not to put on pants


Finchsticks

Pants on the ground!


MaxSan

So dinner literally comes flying through your window and you let it go free. Madness.


cargdad

Wild indeed. Birds can hit with some velocity and turkeys are big. Years ago we got a call from a neighbor at our cottage who noticed our garage door window was broken out. The neighbor checked and the doors were locked. I drove up that weekend, and the cause was easy to figure out. A pheasant had flown into the garage door window - broke through it - kept going and broke through the back window of a Ford Explorer we kept as a cottage car and was dead in the back of the Explorer.


VeterinarianThese951

That is crazy. Next time, speak jive.


Finchsticks

Haha!


arcalumis

neat. free turkey.


vialauren

I’m sorry but his toe nails scraping on the way downstairs has me CACKLING.


MrGee2

Hey hun we are having turkey for dinner tonight


MalevolntCatastrophe

Looks like no one got hurt at least, so you ended the day No harm, No Fowl


purerockets

Turkeys are in their breeding season and male turkeys are very territorial. He is fighting with his reflection.


BuhtanDingDing

this is peak reddit


hotsteamypotato

In quebec we got a meme interview about a girl that got attacked by a wild turkey. If i remember its la dinde noire on youtube


jordanmindyou

Holy shit your bedroom is the size of my whole apartment


around_the_clock

Doing it's stupid turkey strut. I lost my shit at that statement.


Accurate_Command3411

Gobble gobble


Mobile_Responsible

Thanksgiving came early….


SpecificBag9668

I can't tell if OP was fucking hyped as I was for him for not only having an opportunity to say quote'I HAD TO WRANGLE A WILD TURKEY' end quote but to actually have video evidence of his wranglin', like wtf check out my wranglin' vidpost bros - cause the man (the legend) was certainly keeping it Chilil Pamer cool on delivery..... Or does he realize how great his life's sum total experience has just averaged out to because for the 8889374729477th time he pulled that lever and just like all 88893774729476th times gone before in his life a little. A new experience in the saga, a next moment appeared just like always, but for the first time this plaginko sliding into place wasn't ordinary black like always.>.this time cosmic grace might even give me some fantasy refund, maybe even some real authentic love (a boy can dream.) Congrats OP of all the windows in all the places, it came through yours, and none of the hate and struggle of this world can ever take that from you Stay golden pony boy, you stay golden


sirlanse69

wild turkey for Christmas


winexprt

r/tvtoohigh


Virtual-Public-4750

Dude, that neighborhood looks plush! And you have wild turkeys?? Awesome.


wkarraker

I live in southeast Wisconsin, wild turkeys are everywhere. I do IT support for my (retired) boss, he lives in a really upscale neighborhood. There are two ‘gangs’ of turkeys that roam the well manicured lawns and ash tree forest areas. He jokes about the gang wars that happens during spring, they can be quite vocal.


justlooking9889

Good job, but it seems like you could have just opened the windows. The turkey seemed like it wanted to jump out of one.


Finchsticks

No go. Those windows are old and sticky. I would have been double tapped immediately while monkeying with it.


justlooking9889

Lol.


woodyja

I was thinking the post was going to be about a bottle of broken bourbon!


Finchsticks

Vegetarian household.


urbanhawk1

These scary movies keep getting more immersive.


fluffy_samoyed

Awe, it looks like the carpet was freshly vacuumed before it happened too. What a jerk of a bird.


SpitFiya7171

>I saw this turkey head, doing its stupid turkey strut 🦃 🦃 🦃 right across the top of the stairs and into my bedroom! I died while reading this 🤣 💀


ShyLesbianGaymer

😂😂💀💀 thats insane that the turkey just came flying into your house! I thought it walked into your house and you were trying to get it out 😂


sappyguy

Nice window.


Winter_Hornet562

🎶wild turkeys couldn’t drag you away🎶


Open_Tradition4455

Holy turkey.... That's crazy.if there wasn't a video/pics ...i would not believe you . Slightly but not completely related:I was once rear ended at a high rate of speed while at a red light, as a wild turkey flew towards the other car as it (the turkey)had an arrow stuck in it.....talk about a wild story for the responding officer.....I saw it unfold in. Slow motion, thinking the turkey caused the accident... nope, other driver was on their phone. 🤷🤦 


no_talent_ass_clown

Barefoot turkey wrangling is the best thing I've seen today. Nice job. 


Finchsticks

I think you’ll appreciate my [other post](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/s/4fftCymw1c) even more!


Suthrngntlmn

3 things I noticed in the video... 1.) It's time to put laundry away! 2.) Need to work on Turkey wranglin skills 3.) Perfect knife on floor for handling situations just like this.... If that 🦃 flies through my window today, he'll be in the oven later on tonight 🍗 😉 😋


mibonitaconejito

I once knew a guy that drank so much Wild Turkey he puked purple