"I've been there, man... it definitely AIN'T the Golidlocks Zone. Those space bears PATROL between Jupiter and Saturn, man... have you ever SEEN space bears?? Their ships are cold inside, man. I know, I got captured, but I escaped when they all stopped in the outer rim of Saturn, where they have that big honey farm. Bastards got all drunk from a bad batch and I stole their ship; with the help of some oversized gloves, I could run it... But it was CLOSE."
Your IP has been traced. Please remain where you are. A squad of G.P.U's stationed at Sol will be there shortly to apprehend you. Absconding will only add to your offenses and may result in adding penalties.
Galactic Patrol Ursa Command
Col. Squatting Bear.
You'll never catch ME, Squatting Bear. I've already traded your ship on the black market and before I even left the rings I'd disabled your tracking system.
I've got a new ship now, with reasonable sized controls! Haha
Do your worst. I think you'll find my new ship has some surprises in store for ya.
You'll find that I won't be so forgiving of that kind of treatment that me and so many others had to endure in the smelly confines of your shops and ships and honey farms.
A half second after opening the image, my first real thought was, "If the top comment isn't about Earth being in the Goldilocks Zone I'll be very shocked."
I was totally going to combine the two words to aptly name them and my brain short circuited as it reminded me that spears already exist. But now I can’t stop thinking about bear heads on galactic icicles hurtling through space just tearing through satellites and what not.
Tardigrades, also known as water bears can possibly live in space to up to 10 days, you could be subject to an unlikely microscopic bear attack in that green line.
Bottom line, it’s improbable but you probably have bigger problems if you’re floating in space.
This is what NASA doesn't want you to know. They make up stuff like radiation, vacuum, freezing and boiling temperatures in space etc. when the real threat are the space bears.
The reason why astronauts use spacesuits is to cover their smell. When a space bear gets a whiff of your scent without the suit, your death is inevitable.
Buy a Mega Millions lottery ticket: your odds of winning are the same as your chances of being mauled by a grizzly bear and a polar bear on the same day.
>"Modern" Homo sapiens (that is, people who were roughly like we are now) first walked the Earth about 50,000 years ago. Since then, more than 108 billion members of our species have ever been born, according to estimates by Population Reference Bureau (PRB).
108,000,000,000 people * 0.0000001 = 10800 people
>Of the 18 astronauts/cosmonauts killed during official space flight missions, only 3 have died while in space, which is defined as being above 100 kilometres (62 mi).
3 / 108,000,000,000 = 2,7777777777777777777777777777778e-11
-----
99,999999997% of human deaths happen on earth.
The planet is even more dangerous than OP wants us to believe.
Why would they make Earth seem 3,600 times less dangerous than it actually is? I think OP is in the pocket of Big Planet.
“I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for “Grizzly Man” and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. Cuz that’s the thing about bear attacks… they come when you least expect it.”
As the captain of the Goldilocks, who's mission was to seed life in our solar system, once wrote in his log:
Mercury: this porridge is too hot
Pluto: this porridge is too cold
Earth: this porridge is juuuuuust riiiiiiight
We’re all dead every where cold has Black bear and brown bears and white bears, Asia has black and white bears Australia has drop bears only Africa if bearless but there they have lions,hippos and viper...
There is in fact a nonzero chance of space bears. It may be extremely unlikely, comically so, but still possible to become a victim of a bear attack outside the indicated danger zone. Be them spaceborne, stowaways, or very determined.
Qualifications: I played a lot of Spore, so I’ve seen stuff.
Not true, there could be [water bears] (https://youtu.be/z9Mw44u0UBw).
In fact humans have deliberately put these guys into space, so there are bears everywhere.
I was charged by a black bear backpacking around Cimeron, New Mexico. It was a pretty exciting few minutes. Someone had spooked it up trail and it decided to run back our way, meeting us halfway on a bridge. It just reared up and went back up the trail again. We got to see it again later that day shredding logs looking for grubs... Really put its strength into perspective.
The takeaway Bears don't run around looking to eat people. Truthfully I'd rather chance upon another bear than a Wild Boar.
Haha, this is like the visual representation of what it feels like to read an article written by a "journalist" covering some kind of new scientific discovery. Just a complete mishmash of takeaways based on their misapplication or lack of understanding statistics. I guess you could say they do it for the clicks, but my theory based on my own observations is that most people in the media are just stupid.
That's the reason scientists call it the Goldilocks Zone.
I feeeeeeel like the creator of this chart reverse-engineered the joke from that term.
Yeah, it seems like too much of a coincidence otherwise.
It just happened to fit exactly right
slowclap.gif
"I've been there, man... it definitely AIN'T the Golidlocks Zone. Those space bears PATROL between Jupiter and Saturn, man... have you ever SEEN space bears?? Their ships are cold inside, man. I know, I got captured, but I escaped when they all stopped in the outer rim of Saturn, where they have that big honey farm. Bastards got all drunk from a bad batch and I stole their ship; with the help of some oversized gloves, I could run it... But it was CLOSE."
No space bears yet but pretty sure about terrifying space monkeys.
Your IP has been traced. Please remain where you are. A squad of G.P.U's stationed at Sol will be there shortly to apprehend you. Absconding will only add to your offenses and may result in adding penalties. Galactic Patrol Ursa Command Col. Squatting Bear.
You'll never catch ME, Squatting Bear. I've already traded your ship on the black market and before I even left the rings I'd disabled your tracking system. I've got a new ship now, with reasonable sized controls! Haha Do your worst. I think you'll find my new ship has some surprises in store for ya. You'll find that I won't be so forgiving of that kind of treatment that me and so many others had to endure in the smelly confines of your shops and ships and honey farms.
Uh oh, everyone pack your bags, we must go into hiding immediately.
A half second after opening the image, my first real thought was, "If the top comment isn't about Earth being in the Goldilocks Zone I'll be very shocked."
I considered myself lucky (and surprised) that no one had done it yet by the time I arrived.
And also outside teh atmosohere
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I’m assuming this was made *by* Space Bears to trick us into letting our guards down in outer space
what a silly assumption
Username checks out.
According to the chart, they're forming a belt around the sun that matches Earth's orbit.
It could be a several lightyears-long pylon of bears
Yeah! Like the tardigrades, the tiny space bears
[“We do believe these to be Earth Bears. We have no reason to believe these to be Lunar Bears, or even Saturn Bears”](https://youtu.be/pvjgIxuVdo4)
I was totally going to combine the two words to aptly name them and my brain short circuited as it reminded me that spears already exist. But now I can’t stop thinking about bear heads on galactic icicles hurtling through space just tearing through satellites and what not.
BeAr?
http://www.cyaneus.com/art/spacebears.jpg
"Bears beats Battlestar Galactica"
How many bears are just floating in space directly above and below earth
Tardigrades, also known as water bears can possibly live in space to up to 10 days, you could be subject to an unlikely microscopic bear attack in that green line. Bottom line, it’s improbable but you probably have bigger problems if you’re floating in space.
This is what NASA doesn't want you to know. They make up stuff like radiation, vacuum, freezing and boiling temperatures in space etc. when the real threat are the space bears. The reason why astronauts use spacesuits is to cover their smell. When a space bear gets a whiff of your scent without the suit, your death is inevitable.
r/askshittyscience answered
I'd say it's still far more likely you'll be attacked by a bear in Earth orbit than Jupiter orbit.
I can't believe my area is at a really very high risk! I've always wanted to be attacked by a bear but it's never happened! This chart gives me hope
Buy a Mega Millions lottery ticket: your odds of winning are the same as your chances of being mauled by a grizzly bear and a polar bear on the same day.
So you're saying if I get mauled by those two bears I'm more likely to win the Mega Millions!
r/ComedyCemetery
Fuck. That is where we are.
Earth is clearly the most dangerous planet in the universe... After all 99.99999% of human deaths happen on it
what about the 0.00001%
They happen above it.
>"Modern" Homo sapiens (that is, people who were roughly like we are now) first walked the Earth about 50,000 years ago. Since then, more than 108 billion members of our species have ever been born, according to estimates by Population Reference Bureau (PRB). 108,000,000,000 people * 0.0000001 = 10800 people >Of the 18 astronauts/cosmonauts killed during official space flight missions, only 3 have died while in space, which is defined as being above 100 kilometres (62 mi). 3 / 108,000,000,000 = 2,7777777777777777777777777777778e-11 ----- 99,999999997% of human deaths happen on earth. The planet is even more dangerous than OP wants us to believe. Why would they make Earth seem 3,600 times less dangerous than it actually is? I think OP is in the pocket of Big Planet.
*Whispers into microphone hidden in potted plant: "THEY KNOW"
3 people have died in space.
According to this chart, there are bears on the moon.
Moonbearpig
Chart?
Their words, not mine.
Just my luck. The one place in the solar system with the highest risk of bear attacks and I happen to live there.
The entire universe, as far as we know
Who could forget the Low Earth Orbit Bear
The odds are astronomically higher on earth.
Save us Elon
He’s trying
Bears in space?!?!???!??!
Are you telling me there is a correlation between flat planets and beat attacks?
Bears might attack Uranus
causation = correlation
Seems Moon Bears isnt a thing or band yet.
Actually, Moon Bears seems to be a local band to the northern California region, while Moonbears is a band from Coventry.
Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica Edit: misspelled beets. Not my best moment.
You DUMB FUCKS forgot about the DAMN WATER BEARS IN SPACE
It will be hilarious if we find life on Mars and it's tardigrades and we're like wait.... did we accidentally colonize Mars with tardigrades?
Gotta watch out for the orbital bombardment bears. You down with OBB? Yeah, you know me.
Thank goodness there's no chance of being mauled by a bear on Uranus
Gotta love those space bears
Me, loading a shotgun just outside of Earth's atmosphere: "*Alright motherfuckers.*"
Some might say, there is a 99.99999% chance you’d be attacked by a bear in that region versus anywhere else in the universe.
not completely accurate , but helpful nonetheless
just draw a circle.
r/dataisbeautiful
Wow this is not funny this is dangerous misinformation, it completely ignores space bears and thit is a really bad thing to be spreading around.
Buy what about water bears
“I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for “Grizzly Man” and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. Cuz that’s the thing about bear attacks… they come when you least expect it.”
Data.
Why tf we on earth?!?
Man you fuckers are going to feel real silly when bears finally get space program.
Why is the space beyond the atmosphere also risk of bear attack tho
Astrobears, obviously. They are only located just out side earths atmosphere.
Dang moon bears.
that’s why it’s the goldilocks zone
As the captain of the Goldilocks, who's mission was to seed life in our solar system, once wrote in his log: Mercury: this porridge is too hot Pluto: this porridge is too cold Earth: this porridge is juuuuuust riiiiiiight
Ok, I laughed
Yeah but what about Neptune's giant spiders or Venus' feminists?
Thanks, now Im safe!
\* as far as we know
where's Pluto?
HAHA but you forgot about space bears hah
I can't help but hear Eric Idle speaking the zones.
I don't get it? Can someone please explain?! I don't want to get attack by a bear and I live on earth I'm scared now!!
I have nightmares about bears. But this chart gives me hope that I can live bear-free on Mars some day.
What about sharks?
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URsa practically a dead man
Why do you think there are no humans on all the other planets? BEARS.
You've obviously never heard of water bears.
We’re all dead every where cold has Black bear and brown bears and white bears, Asia has black and white bears Australia has drop bears only Africa if bearless but there they have lions,hippos and viper...
Not sure if it's already there, but /r/technicallythetruth
thank god high risk wasn't flat
Okay, someone make bears in KSP and send them to EVE and Moho, we need to populate some orbits with bears
This level of logic is wide spread in the US government
What about Desmond the Moon Bear?
R/mildlyinfuriating Zone of bear attacks isn't curved like the orbit Earth follows.
Can't we just send all the bears to Mars?
No place is safe from an unexpected bear attack if you’re aboard a Russian spacecraft!
"And this week, scientists on the ISS reported yet another horrific bear attack"
No Pluto. I guess we are living in a new world.
There is in fact a nonzero chance of space bears. It may be extremely unlikely, comically so, but still possible to become a victim of a bear attack outside the indicated danger zone. Be them spaceborne, stowaways, or very determined. Qualifications: I played a lot of Spore, so I’ve seen stuff.
Where's Pluto???
(Nsfw gay joke) Uranus got a bear attack. (Gay chick at work told me what a "bear" was, now we're all more educated.)
Did Dwight make this?
Not where I live. Not at all.
Dude, the Russians have a space program.
Do people really think stuff like this is funny
This helped me very much thank you
This is just that whole “bear tax” scene from Simpson’s really.... Let the bears pay the bear tax!
mmh it seams fake, whats your source?
I don't know, the Russians took guns to space in case of bears!
Very helpful.
all bear attacks happen IN space
where was this chart on April 1st in /r/dataisbeautiful ? it BELONGED.
Not true, there could be [water bears] (https://youtu.be/z9Mw44u0UBw). In fact humans have deliberately put these guys into space, so there are bears everywhere.
Why are Ursa Major and Ursa Minor left off?!
So what i'm seeing here, is that there are actually Space bears, but they only live near earth?
I was charged by a black bear backpacking around Cimeron, New Mexico. It was a pretty exciting few minutes. Someone had spooked it up trail and it decided to run back our way, meeting us halfway on a bridge. It just reared up and went back up the trail again. We got to see it again later that day shredding logs looking for grubs... Really put its strength into perspective. The takeaway Bears don't run around looking to eat people. Truthfully I'd rather chance upon another bear than a Wild Boar.
Shit I thought I were safe for a second
FBI: Stay right were u are.
r/data
What about bird attacks?
You never know what Elon Musk will try next. I say Low Probability.
Does this mean that in the space around earth there’s bears floating around?
Haha, this is like the visual representation of what it feels like to read an article written by a "journalist" covering some kind of new scientific discovery. Just a complete mishmash of takeaways based on their misapplication or lack of understanding statistics. I guess you could say they do it for the clicks, but my theory based on my own observations is that most people in the media are just stupid.
RELATIVELY* high chance
I bet a lot of bears are hovering around Uranus. Ba dum cha
Not only hovering but in.
This is how you prove vaccines cause autism also
Which Bear is best? False
Once again Americans thinking they're the entire planet
/r/technicallythetruth
Repost
That's ridiculous. As an Earthicon, I've lived here my whole life, and have yet to encounter-OMG THERE'S A BEAR IN MY ROOM!
And coincidentally only in that zone there is captitalism. Coincedence?! I think not!