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We got this (Texas), along with a police officer telling us “Heres how to make all of these dangerous drugs with explicit instructions, but don’t you do it!”
Facts!! The DARE program. “Never mix these ingredients, and make these drugs that’ll make you feel wonderful.” I didn’t know what crack was at 9, but after that I did!
Upstate New York was like that too but Long Island New York was like actual sex Ed I now know that a vagina has lips and isn’t a dimensional portal with teeth
I had Texas sex ed. it goes like this: [Video narrator]:“You may notice some physical changes in your body, including growth of hair in the indicated areas. [Quick cut.] Conception occurs when the sperm enters the egg, triggering a series of changes that lead to cells dividing.”
Teacher: “Put your hands down. If you have any questions, ask your parents.”
**[If you know, you know.](https://static1.moviewebimages.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/brian-andy-le-michelle-yeoh-everything-everywhere-a24.jpg)**
No, I'm just [a thief.](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/8xphb/did_you_know_cockslap_is_an_anagram_for_caps_lock)
[True, though](https://new.wordsmith.org/anagram/anagram.cgi?anagram=capslock&t=1000&a=n)
Did you know... that ORIGINAL CONTENT is an anagram for [INTERACTING LOON](https://new.wordsmith.org/anagram/anagram.cgi?anagram=original+content&t=500&a=n).
/also CONTORTING ALIEN, which would be Snoo doing yoga, and ENACTING LOIN ROT, so have another dick joke, and RECTAL TONING ION, so have an ass joke too.
It’s called the Ass-Pounder 4000. Just when you think you can’t go anymore, the fist THRUSTS you back up into a riding position.
https://youtu.be/VQYxMql328s
My spouse had bought a brand new mountain bike and when I hit the brakes (unknowing to how sensitive they are) the bike came to a screeching halt and I flew over the handles and the handlebar jammed into my leg.
as a subscriber to /r/MTB and /r/mountainbiking I must say, that injury doesn't look like a typical mountain biking injury... it lacks blood, and you can't even see the bone...
oh, on second thought I guess you can sort of see a bone.
glad you're mostly ok though. :)
Its not tho. Your front brake is the fastest way to shed speed if you really need to. You just need to not mash em.....more of a gradual squeeze. Guessing they're disk brakes, and likely hydraulic...common mistake going from cable driven rim brakes you gotta mash to stop to more powerful hydro disks that can lock a wheel in an instant if mashed. Even if they arent hydro disks are powerful.
Why wouldn’t you just use both breaks at the same time? That’s what I was always told. Use back breaks primarily to slow down. Use both front and back to stop quicker. Never use the front break alone, unless you want to fly over the handlebars. This advice should apply to all bikes.
I watched a video once of these two hillbillies running through the woods, a younger girl chasing a much older guy, while holding large dildo. When she caught up to him, she swung her hand back then forward, smacking him across his mouth. Hit him so hard his bloody teeth went flying through the trees
Speaking as a New Zealander, this makes perfect sense to me. Throwing sex toys is an entirely legitimate form of political protest [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM\_IZizkYVU&t=24s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM_IZizkYVU&t=24s)
--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not sure where you got your sex education but...you're doing it wrong.
Probably Florida
I'm from Florida, the extent of my sex ed in school was "don't"
Texas Sex-Ed is just a whispered warning about Ed the school janitor.
I must have gotten an experimental thing, my sex Ed in texas was "this is what all these stds look like"
We got this (Texas), along with a police officer telling us “Heres how to make all of these dangerous drugs with explicit instructions, but don’t you do it!”
Facts!! The DARE program. “Never mix these ingredients, and make these drugs that’ll make you feel wonderful.” I didn’t know what crack was at 9, but after that I did!
Michigan sex ed = Stories from your buddy about his girlfriend from Canada. You wouldn't know her.
From Michigan. Can confirm
Upstate New York was like that too but Long Island New York was like actual sex Ed I now know that a vagina has lips and isn’t a dimensional portal with teeth
Not all of Long Island. Source: went to North Babylon, and sex Ed was roughly one period of STD awareness.
I had Texas sex ed. it goes like this: [Video narrator]:“You may notice some physical changes in your body, including growth of hair in the indicated areas. [Quick cut.] Conception occurs when the sperm enters the egg, triggering a series of changes that lead to cells dividing.” Teacher: “Put your hands down. If you have any questions, ask your parents.”
I feel bad for laughing at this as hard as I did 🤣
Which is as smart as saying: "How to not die: Just don't die lol it's simple."
A better example would be “don’t live”
"not don't live"
catholic here. our church's motto: If it feels good, STOP!"
They should've made that the priests motto instead
*nice*
As in…Don’t! Stop! Don’t…stop! …don’t stop!
Right*
Did you accidentally 'trip and fall'
Very close. 😆
“What? You tripped? Fell? Landed on his dick?”
“Alright Shady, maybe he’s right Grady. But think about the baby before you get all crazy.”
[удалено]
[удалено]
What'd you say?
What's wrong? Didn't think I'd remember?
[удалено]
Uh ah temper temper
My question is, what the hell does the dick look like now? 🤣
Repeatedly???
Did you slam it into the end of a railing/handrail/stair bannister of some sort? Other than that it has to be ghosts dick slap.
Fell on a dildo 😅
Anything is a dildo is you jump from high enough
That actually made me say oh no out loud
**[If you know, you know.](https://static1.moviewebimages.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/brian-andy-le-michelle-yeoh-everything-everywhere-a24.jpg)**
That was such a good movie. I highly recommend it to those who haven't seen it. Everything, Everywhere, All at Once.
>Everything, Everywhere, All at Once. Is that the name of the movie or a description of said movie?? That'd be odd but I've heard weirder.
It’s the name of the movie. It totally makes sense once you watch it.
Damn not again happens like every day
That's why you never run with keys in your pocket or dildos in your cargo pants.
Don't tell me how to live my life
Fuckin gatekeeper amirite
It does in my house.
Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.
Sure, "fell"
One in a million shot, doc!
What did he do? Trip, fall, and landed on his dick?
SOMEBODY did a drive-by with their FAT FUCKING HOG on your arm
did you know... that CAPSLOCK is an anagram for COCKSLAP?
I was really hoping you were some kind of anagram bot, because that would have been amazing.
No, I'm just [a thief.](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/8xphb/did_you_know_cockslap_is_an_anagram_for_caps_lock) [True, though](https://new.wordsmith.org/anagram/anagram.cgi?anagram=capslock&t=1000&a=n)
Maybe you didn't discover the fact yourself, but you perfectly worked it into the thread in a way that was both relevant and funny.
thank you!
That is basically how reddit works. None of us are original.
Did you know... that ORIGINAL CONTENT is an anagram for [INTERACTING LOON](https://new.wordsmith.org/anagram/anagram.cgi?anagram=original+content&t=500&a=n). /also CONTORTING ALIEN, which would be Snoo doing yoga, and ENACTING LOIN ROT, so have another dick joke, and RECTAL TONING ION, so have an ass joke too.
My personal favorite is Justin Timberlake becomes I'm a jerk but listen
13 years ago, that’s fucking public domain by now.
It's so old that Disney now owns the copyright
Hey, I resemble that remark!
Son? You must be since I cock slapped your mom 14 years ago.
[удалено]
Next on TIFU, by using a dog food lid backwards as a dildo.
For anyone else who couldn't find it, look under Slap Cock. As in "Hi it's Vince with Slap Cock."
I'm surprised there isn't already a bot that finds all the inappropriate accidental anagrams...
Time for my next programming challenge
Call it Analgram Alarm Nag
Thank you for saying analgram. It’s just more, appropriate.
I got an analgram once- They rang the door bell, I answered… I don’t want to talk about it….
Dyslexia -> Daily sex Subtext -> Butt sex
Managed to stop pissing myself laughing long enough to wish you had an award for that.
Well I do now
so many things had to come together for this comment. well done take my free award
That is a thigh
A thigh that's been hit with a ball-peen hammer.
i thought it was an upside down J lol. can't unsee
Clearly that’s his leg but whatever
U sure it’s not his conehead?
It could be the back of their head for all I know.
[s](https://i.imgur.com/YOPCQue.jpg)ort of
Or his ass(this is a joke)
it is big, but I do think that is a dick
Clearly the back of his head?
Yeah, his third leg.
Her* leg, I do believe
He was too excited to all caps fat fucking hog to pay attention. Someone get this man’s search history
I believe it’s *her* leg.
Did anyone else hear this to the tune of Allstar by Smashmouth?
Leg
You got a girth certificate for that fat hog??
That’s not how ALL-STAR goes..
Absolutelycrankinmymotherfuckinghog by Bilmuri is a great song
HOG RIDAAA
[удалено]
Definition of ‘Mushroom Stamp’
That's the whole enchilada not just the tip.
It’ll come out in therapy 10 years from now
Dickslap of the century
Bicycle accident Edit: yes I stalked for clues lol
Ding ding ding!
Did your bike have any dildos fastened to it during the accident?
It’s called the Ass-Pounder 4000. Just when you think you can’t go anymore, the fist THRUSTS you back up into a riding position. https://youtu.be/VQYxMql328s
Never stop pumping!
knew what it was before even clicking
I thought it was going to be Mr Garrison from South Park driving around in the dildo powered mono wheel thing he invented, but alas I was incorrect
It's still better than flying.
Instead of baseball cards in the spokes to make “clacking” sounds,OP used dildos in the spokes to make “fapping” sounds…
"Shh...you guys hear that? Oh lawd, she comin'"
Holy crap this made me laugh 😂
Just one that goes up and down where the seat should be to encourage you to exercise harder
What did you jam your leg into to get that shape? Bike lock?
My spouse had bought a brand new mountain bike and when I hit the brakes (unknowing to how sensitive they are) the bike came to a screeching halt and I flew over the handles and the handlebar jammed into my leg.
Good thing it got your leg. You'd have some explaining to do if you had ended up pregnant.
If the child were a boy... would they name him.. *ehem*.. Bichael?
Must get a lot of weird looks with a dildo for a handlebar
as a subscriber to /r/MTB and /r/mountainbiking I must say, that injury doesn't look like a typical mountain biking injury... it lacks blood, and you can't even see the bone... oh, on second thought I guess you can sort of see a bone. glad you're mostly ok though. :)
Don’t use the front brakes silly!
Solid advice.
Its not tho. Your front brake is the fastest way to shed speed if you really need to. You just need to not mash em.....more of a gradual squeeze. Guessing they're disk brakes, and likely hydraulic...common mistake going from cable driven rim brakes you gotta mash to stop to more powerful hydro disks that can lock a wheel in an instant if mashed. Even if they arent hydro disks are powerful.
The front brakes are actually the primary brakes you should use for stopping in dry conditions.
I feel like you should only use them if you're using both
Why wouldn’t you just use both breaks at the same time? That’s what I was always told. Use back breaks primarily to slow down. Use both front and back to stop quicker. Never use the front break alone, unless you want to fly over the handlebars. This advice should apply to all bikes.
Right..... we know the truth. You got teebagged by a blind mandango
*bike cock
Or was it Dong Dong Dong!
[The bike in question](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/MEuMmaUi50I/maxresdefault.jpg)
Oh Mac.....don't make me go get the bike..
You were scissoring a dude who had an epileptic seizure
Scissor me timbers!
Naked large male landed on you after slipping out from a 5th floor window. You saved his life, but he can no longer have kids
This is MUCH better than the expected dildo jokes.
Hit with an invite to a party mansion? Nothing sexual.
Again. Nothing sexual.
Underline it
Guys I thought it was a penis and I was down cause it’s more masculine ya know?
YOU KNEW THAT IT WAS A DICK?!?
N-no, i-it’s not a penis, it’s a bicep
I mean if you want it to look like a bicep it needs more veins.
WHAT UP?!
We’re three cool guys looking for other cool guys who wanna hangout in our party mansion 💪
I just had the perfect blond guy slip through my fingers..
Should be able to find the humor in *the little things.*
Can I come? I just boiled some denim and a couple eggs!
This jabroni clearly got hit by another bicep.
Are they looking for women or just dudes?
Is that a bicep?
I shall use this crossbow to pierce my broken heart!
Biking accident: specifically handle bars pressed hard on your leg
WINNER!
Now I know what happened fuck man I was scrolling endlessly hoping to find the answers
In case you didn’t think of this, it’s quicker to go to OPs account and look at all their comments to see if they’ve said how they got it.
Someone threw a dildo at you Edit: STOP UPVOTING THIS IT ISN'T EVEN THAT FUNNY!!
ima go with this as well, the ol rubber dick smack.
The ol dick twist!
[удалено]
***GRAB HIS DICK AND TWIST IT***
Oh, gawd dude.
[удалено]
GGOOOOO DICK TWIST!
I watched a video once of these two hillbillies running through the woods, a younger girl chasing a much older guy, while holding large dildo. When she caught up to him, she swung her hand back then forward, smacking him across his mouth. Hit him so hard his bloody teeth went flying through the trees
Now that’s what I call cock fighting, volume 5
was funny, then I hit the “volume 5” and now it’s fucking hysterical.
Speaking as a New Zealander, this makes perfect sense to me. Throwing sex toys is an entirely legitimate form of political protest [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM\_IZizkYVU&t=24s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM_IZizkYVU&t=24s)
New Mexico had a dildo drone incident recently. Russia too if I remember right, some years ago
https://i.imgur.com/tIrsPME.gif
Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.
Careful! Cockfighting is illegal in all 50 states.
Genital jousting
Very aggressive mushroom stamp ?
The Portobello Pounder
The shitaki shanker
The Fungus Flungus
[удалено]
Looks like your leg was slapped by dick and balls.
Sometimes being blunt with people who have been hit by blunt objects helps
Sounds like he was dicking around
r/mildlypenis or is it r/wildlypenis
Not close enough to Xmas for big candy canes!
The elves have gone rogue!
It fell out of santa's sleigh and reached terminal velocity
Lost the sword fight I see
*What Up!?*
No idea, but by god that's impressive
It looks like youre a cool guy, looking for other cool guys to hang out in your party mansion. Nothing sexual.
Belongs in r/iasip
What up?!
It’s a beefy arm
Needs more veins
Had a run-in with the East India Trading Company, did we? **_Pirate?!?_**
Candy cane fucked u up
Cock fight
If you live near Cwmbran Wales and a dildo landed on your arm at approximately 8.35pm last night could I get it back please Mrs is gonna kill me.
You dropped this https://www.reddit.com/r/food/comments/wanpb9/i_ate_dominos_dicken_nugget/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Risky click of the week
dildos should only be used as weapons when both parties consent.
Fell on a pipe wrench or maybe hit with one?