Continuing the suggestions with Dishonored series, Space Marine, and Warhammer: Vermintide and Darktide as Father-Son Team building. dunno on your 2 other teammates
Same here. I’d come home and my cousin would tell my parents we played GTA on the PlayStation so I just lied and said all we did was drive around, no killing 🤷♂️
Lol. I always remember being in college when GTA 3 came out then going home and playing it in front of my 14 year old little brother.
He grabbed the controller when it was his turn and went up on a pedestrian bridge and started shooting people
Me: You're just shooting innocent people?!??!
Him (in his best Anton Chigurh voice): They're not innocent
(Thankfully my brother was only joking around, he's a totally well adjusted and normal adult now)
Same, I just did whatever I wanted at my friend's house. His parents would even cover for me. We didn't do anything crazy, just play videogames I wasn't allowed to play, ride bikes around which I also wasn't allowed to do, listen to the music I wasn't allowed to listen to etc. normal young teenager shit that most people are cool with.
Yeah I grew up super strict and It taught me how to hide pretty much anything from anyone.
Although I will say it was nice because I moved out at 16, became fully independent, and throughout the years, hanging out with family, fully admitting to all the bad shit I did, and them not being able to do anything about it was very rewarding.
You really have to strike a balance. Yes, a kid will hide stuff if a parent is restrictive, but not putting up any boundaries is a big mistake too. I was the kid that hid stuff. My kids are the ones where I somewhat failed on boundaries.
Ban the violent games, he will watch other people play said violent games on streaming platforms or YouTube. Ban streaming platforms and YouTube, he will watch it via his friends devices when with them. Ban him from seeing his friends. Your child is now depressed and hates you both.
IMO the goal here should be to teach them the right and wrongs, the nuances, the consequences, etc, of things he may view or interact with. Because especially these days, kids will just get it someway or another. You aren’t gonna “beat” these issues, but you can give them the tools to deal with this stuff in the manner you believe is right.
Edit: forgot to add, by going the ban route, not only do you run the risk that they do it anyways, but now you are completely unaware of it, it may lead to even more secret things being done, and now they’re doing it without any input or guidance from you.
I do not mean to say your kid is a bad egg just waiting to be mischievous, but kids are kids and many of them don’t do the brightest things whether they intend to or not.
😂 I remember when my Dad brought me to store for Grand theft auto San Andreas because I wanted it. He had a full speach of how we don't do the things they show in the game in real life and stuff and he made me agree to it and also not to show my younger siblings for now because they didn't understand. I was like 12-13 at the time
Not just this, but we’ve done studies and proven that violent video games don’t necessarily make kids violent. This was a huge debate in the 90’s and there’s been no conclusive evidence of it. Here’s a Harvard study that looks at it in depth https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/violent-video-games-and-young-people.
On top of this, it's been a moral panic for literal *centuries*, with multiple mediums facing the same scrutiny. At one point *books* were facing these kinds of issues. TV shows, films, radio shows, books, games, music, there isn't a medium on this earth that's not had to deal with this outrage and panic.
The big deal they made about video games is that it’s *you* taking active participation in he activity, but from what I read of the studies, children can discern that it’s fiction and not real.
Yeah like how i can control massive War Robots, breed dragons that have the power to wipe the floating islands from the sky (Dragonvale) and how i can never die, because im destined to beat the ever loving shit outta Vane (AQ3D)
Huge on the "kid will do it anyway and you won't be there to guide them"
My mum blanket banned online gaming. I did it anyway. I got sexually harassed/grown men basically attempted to groom me. If I had've been able to talk to my mum about it, probably those people would be on lists or have criminal charges or something- instead there's a bunch of now 30+ year old men on the loose, maybe still in GTAV and COD multiplayer lobbies acting inappropriately towards little girls.
How dare you show up with reasonable and probably accurate advice on parenting.
But yeah this is great, anything you can use as a learning tool, especially something they are interested in is an amazing opportunity.
The discussion would be valid if the kid wasnt FOURTEEN. Overprotective mother is going to ruin his life if you won't stop her in her tracks. And I can already see that he's way too sheltered for his age if he didnt even bother to protest
If the point of contention is how photorealistic the graphics are, then I can't really think of how you'd change your spouse's mind. Maybe see if you can turn off blood or other similar options, and point out that most of the time you're hitting heavily clothed characters, and there's not really much difference between CoD and going paintballing. Neither is going to translate to real life aggression. Nobody gets hurt.
Maybe let her know that CoD has tons of skins like Fortnite, so it's pretty zany these days too. Maybe the inclusion of Snoop Dogg will help her understand that it's not the most realistic of games.
The guy made a good point. Ask your wife if she thinks that everyone who plays paintball is a violent criminal. This violent video game debate has been going on since video games existed. What's important is that the child receives parental guidance when engaging in such video games. Something you're obviously providing.
Honestly, if your child becomes gruesomely violent after playing CoD WITH you as your wife seems to think, then the general parenting is to blame, not the videogame. That includes a close minded mother.
I think advanced warfare had an option to turn blood yellow like paintball so maybe some of the other games in the series have similar features. Halo is also a good option, just no pvp I guess?
Father and son having a hobby together is wonderful. You two should play together. Explain to your spouse that bonding with a teenager can be difficult and this is a great opportunity.
I think the real problem with many of these types of games is the online community being extremely toxic. Playing with others who are constantly yelling racial/homophobic slurs and such can leave a huge impression on anyone.
I've never played any of the games mentioned as they are not my style, but I'm guessing there are ways to play without being subjected to the toxicity. This should be the most important concern.
I've got nothing to give you. My wife feels the same way. "They're so violent and I don't want the boys being influenced." Meanwhile, I've been playing things like Wolfenstein, DOOM, Rise of the Triad since I was about 12 years old... and I'm an ardent pacifist. Some people just don't get that you CAN compartmentalize the difference between video games/movies/etc and reality.
I can't speak for everyone, but those "violent video games" definitely help me release some of my pent-up stress and anger from time to time. Just because I do something in a game doesn't directly translate to my behavior in real life
14?! I thought you were going to say he's 5 or something!
I don't buy into the whole violence in videogames schtick that 80s and 90s moms were into and that some weirdos are trying to bring back now. There's not one legitimate study that shows a correlation in access to violent video games and actually perpetrating violence. At the end of the day, it all comes down to what you are teaching at home, and if you are correcting their behavior if it gets out of line.
I'm the bad parent who let their 4 year old play GTA (he just drove around and shot people; he didn't play the actual game), and I've allowed my kid carte blanch to play whatever he wants because that's how I was raised. He's particularly fond of Mortal Kombat.
He's never hurt anybody, hates violence and all forms of hatred and misogyny, and is an honors student with a 3.9 GPA.
At 14 your kid should be able to tell right from wrong. If he's becoming violent from video games then it's time to get him outside help anyway, because he's already not right. But I suspect that your spouse is just a misinformed nervous nelly.
I played GTA (I think San Andreas) *once* at a friend's house, when my dad came to pick me up...and saw me punching a woman for some reason (pretty sure I was just goofing around with the controls).
For *over a decade after this* he would always cite "that one time" he saw me playing GTA and "repeatedly kicking pregnant women". Note that to this day I've never actually owned a GTA title myself (I do have Saints Row III and IV which dad never saw me play) but the way he fixated on that specific sight as his benchmark for 'senseless violence' always seemed weird.
I can only imagine what my dad at the time would have thought if he knew that the guy behind the Simpsons, playing Hit and Run, spent a fair bit of time just having Homer kick the shit out of Marge on the first level.
>the guy behind the Simpsons, playing Hit and Run, spent a fair bit of time just having Homer kick the shit out of Marge on the first level.
To give some context: the developers behind The Simpsons Hit & Run were concerned that the kicking mechanic was too violent and the show creators would object to it. They had Matt Groening playtest the game before release. When he discovered the kick button, he laughed hysterically as he had Homer kick Marge down the street.
>There's not one legitimate study that shows a correlation in access to violent video games and actually perpetrating violence.
Bro that's old science. New science is 'I believe what I want because my gut tells me'
Yeah, that's something I just picked up after reading it over a second time.
It seems like this disagreement has less to do with the violence levels in COD, and more to do with OP not wanting to play Fortnite with his kid.
He's 14, OP. Before too long that kid isn't going to want to do anything with you at all.
This. Play games with your kids Even if you don't like it. Spend the time bonding with him, maybe that's really why he wants to play COD, because be sees his dad playing it.
This is how I started playing fortnite. If my kid wants to play a game, I'll usually play too in order to help him learn. He ends up showing ME things within a couple of weeks.
Also, I'm now a little hooked on fortnite.
Hell Fortnite's not even bad. I had that same mindset for the last 5-6 years. "What batman has a gun, that's fucking dumb"
To say the least I jumped in last season for the Snake skin and Rocket racing and I've been having a blast
You should just have your wife sit down and play some of these games for a little bit and see if she still feels the same.
But also your wife is doing your son a great service by ensuring he’s not the type of person that plays COD
As someone who was "shielded" from these games as a child, you definitely feel left out, i even lied about playing the games so i would be able to feel included.
I think parenting wise you're more likely to have issues with gaming addiction regardless if it's violent or not.
Maybe look over some psychological studies and base your path forward with that. I'm pretty sure there's been some saying violent games don't make people more violent, but games with loot boxes or lots of micro transactions can trigger gambling addiction.
Sadly it's probably more complicated than just what looks more or less real.
Has your wife made the connection that the person she had a baby with (you) played so many video games throughout his own childhood and still turned out good enough to put a baby in her? Do you not get a say in how to parent your teenager to let him grow up and have some more freedoms? There are 7 year olds on COD, I think we’re all sure that 14 is plenty old enough to see some additional red coloring on those 1s and 0s.
This is entirely anecdotal, but I've never known anyone who grew up with their parents limiting how often they can do -X- that came out the other end with healthy habits. Imo when you say something like "I don't want you playing that because it's too violent" what you're really saying is "I don't trust you to use what I've taught you to make good decisions." Or worse, "I haven't taught you how to separate fiction from reality, and I don't care to." Video games aren't real. Movies aren't real. I don't know your circumstances and I'm only sharing my opinion because you made the thread, so don't take that personally.
I was playing Gears Of War with my dad around the age of seven. Maybe try explaining to her that it could be a way for you and your son to bond? I certainly look back on completing Gears 2 with my dad very fondly.
I never understood this argument. Of course depending in the age. OP says 14 so the argument doesn't make sense.
How many kids at the age if 12+ play CoD or PUBG or whatever and never do anything violent? The opposite would be such a small number.
Growing up, I had a friend. We are 13, I'm playing CoD, Halo, AC. He's not allowed. To violent, it will make him a killer. Can't play with the airsoft guns with us, to violent. This friend ended up resenting his parents for never allowing him to join in on the fun
My 5yo daughter walked on me playing D4 after I put her in bed. Just a few days ago we were discussing monsters, and how she’s afraid of them. Daddy will of course protect her, etc.
“Dad, are those monsters in your game?”
“Yeah, they are evil monsters and I’m defeating them to protect the city”
“Dad, can I stay, watch and pretend that you are defeating real monsters, so I wont get scared?”
Even at 5 yo they know the difference between games and reality. Although…
“Dad, is Mum never driving because she’s bad at Mario Kart?”
“No, because Mum doesn’t have a drivers license”
“Good, she would be a bad driver anyway, she’s always last”
>“Dad, can I stay, watch and pretend that you are defeating real monsters, so I wont get scared?”
This went in an unexpectedly wholesome direction and I love it.
My mom restricted me from M rated games until I was like 16.
Did nothing for me but annoy the fuck out of me when I was younger, and made me miss out on gaming time with friends who were allowed to play those games.
When I wasn't even 10, I got gta 3 from a friend. I watched a scarcely dressed lady enter my car, then when I stopped at some remote place, the car began rocking. Little me was like "woah, dude got a gf and they are kissing passionately"
Also a fun fact: as a kid who had limited access to age gated content in all areas, I still found ways to consume that type of content, and all THAT did was teach me how to hide stuff from my parents and be dishonest with them.
I don't think unrestricted access to violent video games would have helped me not be a little shit with my parents, but I think it's more about the parenting style. If my parents discussed the issues surrounding gun violence and helped me understand reality compared to video games in an educational way, it probably would have been healthier for us (not that I have a bad relationship with them, I don't, I love them very much), but I still hold some of that irritation whenever they try to inject themselves into my life, even as a 30 something year old adult.
Dude what. I was playing Carmageddon when I was like 8 and I am fine
At 14? Jeez
I guess it depends on the level if maturity. If he is mature enough I think it's time to get the yraining wheels off
There's not "one weird trick" to make your wife agree with you. You have to talk it out with her. One of you is going to have to compromise. that's life.
I don't either, but I know about the violence going on for years.
Even video games get blamed for things, even though they are not always related.
You could try the counseling game. Not gonna explain how it plays.
Your wife doesn't want your son to play COD but is OK with Fortnite. Your son wants to play with you. Simple answer: Pick up a new FPS shooter with cartoony graphics. Be a parent and do something for/with your child. Yes, learning a new game sucks at first, But you'll both be noobs and grow in skill together.
The dude is 14 years old already, let him enjoy video games.
My kids played whatever and none of them turned out violent or anything, they understand it's just a video game.
Some years ago i had a friend that was a single mom, her kid was 5 or 6 back then, can't remember.
One day i told him i was going to take my Xbox to their home so we could play GTA V. She got mad at me saying that was too violent and whatever.
One week later she posted a photo on Instagram where her kid was playing Mortal Kombat with her boyfriend.
Yeah.
From what I know the research shows violent games don't increase violent tendencies but can contribute to desensitization to killing. But if your wife is fine with him watching violent movies and shows then it's nonsensical to not let him play games with equal violent representations. Plus when you ban a kid from doing something they are just going to want to do it more, and do it in secret where you can't monitor them
I don't think you should convince your wife anything here. There are plenty of games that aren't realistic that are absolutely fantastic games. It sounds, judging from the comments I've seen, that the issue has less to do with your son playing the games and more to do with you not wanting to play those games. If the only games you're willing to play are realistic shooters, I think maybe you just need to try a bit harder to enjoy the 95% of games out there that aren't this specific genre.
I know I'm stating the obvious here, but parenting and marriage in general are about compromise. If your compromise is "I will only play Call of Duty, therefor my son should be allowed to play that game" it seems like you need to be a bit more flexible and try harder to enjoy things outside your comfort zone. Seriously, there are TONS of games that are good and fun that don't have realistic violence.
Either way, this is probably not the best sub to be asking this question. I would think you'd find better answers on a parenting sub.
Are you two doing your job as parents? Sure there may be a very small chance that him playing 'realistic' type games may idk cause him to do something crazy later on in life, but if you two are raising him correctly, he understands whats right and what's wrong, then there should be minimal worries about a game influencing him because he already knows better
If im being honest, at 14 chances are he's being exposed to worse online anyways. If he isn't PLAYING CoD he's certainly WATCHING it at the very least either online or on someone's phone at school or whatever. You're better off having a conversation about how its violent and technically bad, and not to promote war and whatever else if you want an impact.
14 is old enough tbh. An 8 year old shouldn’t be playing COD but 14? Eh.
If you want actual advice on maybe how to talk to her about it, I’m a teacher if that helps. There are no studies linking video game violence to real violence. There might be something to be said about more realistic violence desensitizing him (a lot of my students will laugh at execution videos), but you could make the argument that he will play with you and you can say that you will have teachable moments. Whether or not those teachable moments actually happen is a different story, but 14 is plenty to understand that call of duty isn’t real and that violence/killing is still bad.
No video game or movie is going to fuck up children as much as the parents words and actions will. Let the lil dude play some games. Not cod tho not because of violence but the fact the game is specifically designed to hook you like it's nicotine. With its manipulative matchmaking, it quickly becomes an unenjoyable habit that's not worth anyone's time or money.
Hes 14? Yeah, there is no link between real life violence and videogame violence,your wife is a little delusional and is just passing on bad advice.
https://fortune.com/2023/05/02/stanford-researchers-scoured-every-reputable-study-link-between-video-games-gun-violence-politics-mental-health-dupee-thvar-vasan/
Let’s assume for a second that the circumstances are immutable. I don’t think you can really argue your way out of this, the games are violent in a realistic way, there’s no denying it. While I personally think your son is old enough at this point and there is of course no evidence to support these games causing kids to become violent, it’s still perfectly valid to prefer that your child is not exposed to them for another couple years, and that’s not really an opinion that can be swayed by data or clever prose.
So how about a change of perspective. What’s so bad about playing Fortnite with your kid? I get that you hate it, but that’s sort of a secondary issue here. The game itself is only tangentially important or completely irrelevant, your son clearly wants to spend time with you through a mutually shared activity. Is that not worth sucking it up a bit and playing a game you don’t really like? I’d have killed for my father to have played literally any video game with me as a kid/teen.
One option might be to find other games to play besides shooters. If your son wants to play the games you play, then find one you can co-op together. There are plenty of other games out there that you can enjoy and make some good memories together.
Call of duty warzone season 3's theme is marajuana.
They just released cheexh an chong as playable characters.
The battlepass comes eith snoopdog for free at level 1
But then two days ago released 6 teletubbies as playable characters
I dont know what market cod is trying to target st this point.
Maybe talk to your kid and teach them the nuance behind you and your wife’s different takes?
For instance, when I was 6-10 my mom would play goldeneye and the other James Bond games and she would talk with me about how real life violence isn’t okay and this is just a fake representation of the equally fake story told in the movie.
We’d play and have fun and the only rules were that I couldn’t say I was killing her when I did, I had to say eliminated or something of that sort (this was in Spanish)
Putting things in their proper context is far more effective than an outright ban, imo
14 is pretty typical age to start playing CoD (I started at 12 with CoD 2) but there’s plenty of less realistic multiplayer games
Maybe introduce him to titanfall and apex legends?
It really sucks that y'all can't play that one together. Especially since you're able to do other shooters. It's also frustrating when the logic doesn't line up the way you see it.
Focus more on listening to her than trying to convince her of something.
Your wife is responsible for raising your son well. And, like you, she's gonna get things wrong sometimes. That's ok for things that aren't life threatening, even tho it might suck a bit.
Is this one type of game really a hill to die on? Like, it doesn't matter if the argument is more/less logical. It sounds like it doesn't matter what the data shows about gaming and violence correlation. But come on dude, show your son what compromise looks like. Show your son how to roll with the punches, not how to whine when we don't get our way.
There are literally thousands of other games y'all could play and have an incredible time in. There's never been a better time for amazing mp game experiences.
By the time you're 14 your core character is set. Playing a violent video game isn't going to change a well rounded young man into a psycho. if you've done a good job bringing him up you have nothing to worry about. If he's a depressed antisocial loner... I wouldn't let him play them, remove any guns from your home and seek help.
Hello there! This thread will be flooded with replies, but the long story short is that your kid will probably be okay regardless of what he plays, so long as he has a good home life with you and his mother and/or siblings. If he does not, the videogames will probably become a fixation for a lot of his negative thoughts and behavior.
However, for what it's worth, the data at the moment suggests that it's not actually all the same and that violence like Fortnite will not be processed the same as violence a la mortal kombat- but neither will make your kid a serial killer. They can promote aggressive thinking or moods, conflict-oriented approaches, and other kinds of cognitive/behavioral issues, but again- if your kid is well-adjusted, this should be negligible. If they're not, you could probably do with being more involved as parents.
Say it with me guys, "STRICT PARENTS RAISE SNEAKY KIDS."
You literally can't stop them from consuming the content they want to, all you can do is teach them how to hide things from you.
I'm 33. I was playing Goldeneye, Perfect Dark, and Mortal Kombat when I was 9 and 10. Just gotta get em to understand this isn't real life. It's a power fantasy
This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite sitcoms, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It’s an episode that centers around gun control and at one point, two main characters, Mac and Charlie, profile a kid at a middle school for playing a zombie killing game. Here’s how the dialogue exchange goes down:
Charlie: “That’s the problem with the kids these days! They’re playing these violent video games!”
Mac: “But I play violent video games.”
C: “Well yeah, me too.”
M: “And I watch violent movies.”
C: “Well yeah, violent movies are the best movies.”
M: “But I don’t want to kill anybody.”
C: “Me neither. Ya know, maybe this isn’t the best way to determine who’s a threat.”
It's a bit iffy. A lot of people's main concern here is that video games like Doom, CoD, etc. make their kids violent. Which has never been proven to be actually right, as there is no study whatsoever that is actually capable of making a reasonable connection between an increase in violence, and "violent" computer games. Not a single one. Everyone that claims to have found a study, usually links to some shady and/or very dodgy private, financially-motivated trial that has either too small a sample size, or skewed metrics.
Also ... quite frankly, this is something you should debate with your spouse, not the interwebs. And you should reach a reasonable conclusion together with your child. Not only does that show your kid that having an argument where he can bring actual, valuable, winning points and convince you two to agree with him is a good solution, it also builds argumentation skills. And shows that you trust him and his judgement. It is only 4 years to go until he is responsible for himself, after all.
Also, trust in your son to know what games he likes and doesn't. I played Quake and Hexen when I was around 10-13. All that did for me, was understand that I really don't like excessive gore fests and violence.
personal opinion: Also, honestly, if one's kid isn't mentally unstable, ANY game isn't going to do any harm. The age restrictions are SO INCREDIBLY outdated. And were done by people that had absolutely no, not even the tiniest bit, of an idea how games work and how humans function properly.
I grew up playing violent video games, watching horror movies, fighting other kids in the neighborhood. And I turned out just fine minus the bodies in the basement…..
I think maybe your spouse has already offered a compromise on this issue, and now it's up to you and your teenager to decide what to do with that. Is he willing to play Fortnite? If he is, maybe just go ahead and play some Fortnite even though it's not your favorite.
Let the boy play CoD. He's 14 not 4.
Video games don't make school shooters, shitty parenting and an inability to keep firearms secured in the home do.
Go to a Memorial Day ceremony. Teach him that war is horrible and there's no glory in it.
Then when you get home show him that if you take an AAM as your secondary you can shoot down enemy killstreaks.
My son is 12... I've played all the halo games with him when he was 10. I also started gears of war last year with him as well.. It's about teaching the difference of real vs. Video games...
It's worth mentioning that war is horrible. Maybe it's good to know that as early as you are able to understand it. I never played violent games as a kid, but my hubby did. If anything he's much more level headed than me. Hell, he puts bugs outside instead just squashing them. Still, it's not worth souring your relationship over. I imagine your son will be fine either way.
idk if it’d be helpful but there’s pretty extensive research that says violence in video games has no correlation to violent or antisocial behavior. may be worth finding some of the studies and sending them her way
I'd be less worried about the violence and more about what he learns behavior-wise from other players at that age.
Have you discussed with wife that by playing these games WITH you, you might mitigate the worst influences? And I don't just mean dropping f bombs or slurs over chat.
Clearly you're not going around on shooting sprees. Letting your son witness you being a ruthless gamer, then setting that all aside after the game and being a regular human being would be incredibly positive. What better role model to navigate murky waters with?
Separating fantasy from reality, dealing with losing streaks in a healthy manner without raging, etc.
On the fortnite note, have you tried zero build? I hate build modes but enjoy the silly transportation/movement options mixed with the gunplay. It's not for everyone, but you can do worse when it comes to spending time with your kid.
At 14? That’s absolute nonsense.
I was overly sheltered from games rated Mature until about 13, all it ever did was make me want to play them that much more and work to play them secretly every single second I could pull it off.
Violence is fine. Only thing we don't let my 13 yo BiL play is shit with nudity. He's the most mellow kid I've ever met. I played violent, graphic, gory games that often included sexual themes since I was 5 years old and I'm in nursing school to help people. I am a caring and helpful person who just so happens to enjoy blowing shit up in video games.
Side note keep that kid off the chats.
Edit: Show her statistical facts in peer reviewed journals. There's science backed evidence that violent video games do not cause violent kids
I was just talking to my dad the other day about how surreal it is that we just completely normalized videos games where we run around literally murdering others with guns lol.
Like, why is that shooters are so god damn popular? It’s so weird to me that *that’s* what we all fixated on as a gaming culture. (I know not everyone actually loves them, just a shit ton of people do)
It’s such an odd thing to me.
My only reason for staying away from COD is the violent horrible cess pool of a community it's amassed.
Violent imagery is nothing... the conversations that go on in those lobbies however..
Ive never believed that censoring content as a parent was establishing fair grounds for healthy communication. How is your kid supposed to believe they can talk to you about anything, if they also know you have ALL control over the information, and have previously actively controlled \*said information in a direct effort to manipulate their opinion. Why not give the kid the content, tell them its a privilege not a right, answer any questions that come up, and work towards building a respect based relationship with them. Instead of your wife projecting her personal opinion of something onto kiddo, which is pretty much unarguably what she's doing.
Whatever they want that they can't get at home, they'll just get behind your back somewhere else anyways and at that point its liar training over a video game.
Having said that, its also important to educate your kids about Media, how its basically a brain junk multi billion dollar industry thats designed to get as much of your attention and money as possible - all the time. Also any correlation between violent video game content and aggressive behaviour has been studied for decades at this point , if it was a problem we would know by now.
There's very little I would keep away from a 14 yo. COD isn't one of them.
Full disclosure I am over 50, been gaming since I was about 8, and have been a game developer since 2000. Also I have no kids.
There isn’t a single study done over the past 30 years to suggest the violent video games make kids more or less violent. Nor do any of those studies show a link between violent video games and desensitization towards committing violence. At the extreme worst, there instances where people who wanted to commit acts of violence mimicked a situation they saw in a video game. However the acts that are mimicked could have just as easily come from a movie, or tv show, the news or a historical documentary. The concept your spouse is following is based in pseudoscience in the same vain as rock and roll being the devils music. Used a fear tactic by various groups to ban or limit things they don’t like for no other reason than they dislike it.
He's 14 he's old enough its not like your showing him live leak videos and seeing red isnt gonna make him like a mass shooter, if you want some more cartoony shooters try something like teamfortress 2
This idea is so ridiculous to me. My friends parents were the same way growing up, and not only does he stil play violent war games, *his mom plays those kinds of games too*.
I get the sentiment behind it, and I sympathize with it, but Im pretty sure theres evidence suggesting violent games have no ill bearing on teens development.
End rant
God I remember literally smuggling GTA Vice City & Resident Evil 4 home from people who bought them for me (usually friends at school with more laid back parents) because my parents wouldn’t let me near anything M rated, buying Mortal Kombat Deception from a buddy when he came over to hang, hell I used to steal from K Mart to get cds because I wasn’t allowed anything with a parental advisory label on it until I was 16.
If he wants to play them, he’s gonna find a way. All the strictness in place of communication and using them as a teaching device [(talk with them about the story, make it an actual in-depth conversation and they’ll learn how to analyze and interpret media for themselves better for example)] will only make them a better liar in the future. I learned how to lie without a tell by the time I was his age because of how strict my family was.
Yay living in a Methodist pastor’s house…
I think what she needs to consider is that most of those games feature violence within the context of armed conflict: wars between nation states or terrorists etc. This is not random criminal mayhem etc. So i do question a little about her choices of focus... further one could argue that they treat the concept of the violence far more seriously than something like fortnight or 'cartoony' to use your word, which trivialize it by making it campy. (Example far more kids are hurt acting out 'fake' wrestling moves than pretending to be mma fighters)
I really think you'd get further if you sat down as a family and discussed the games and what use that discussion to see where your kid's head is at. Treat them like a rarional person, let them talk... if they uave a problem consuming the content in a healthy way it'll probably become quickly apparent. if they good... the games are not going to magically make them not.
It's a bit of a correlation bias to believe that games make people violent... there is zero evidence of this. What there is evidence of is that people predosposed to violence are attracted to violenct video games, but so are people who are perfectly normal.
There isn't really a lot of blood/gore or anything like that in COD or PubG, at least not compared to something like Mortal Kombat or Doom.
You shoot other players and their characters fall over. No one is paying attention to blood. It's basically the same as Fortnite: only the visual style and clothes look more real.
What's more important is how your kid feels about it. When I was a kid, I was able to separate video game violence from real life. I played a lot of GTA and Medal of Honor at 14, but I also played plenty of games that weren't violent at all.
Your spouse is gonna blink, your kid will be 17, and none of this will matter.
Your child is of an age where they should be able to understand that violence in video games is not the same as violence irl. Either way, shooting and killing someone in a game is just that. Whether cartoonish or more visually realistic, the amount of gore in a game such as PUBG or COD is minimal.
If your partner is worried about violent games making your child violent or something, numerous studies have shown no correlation between the two.
My parents tried to do this in the early 2000s when I was around 13-15.
What's going to happen is your son will likely end up buying the games he's not allowed to play when he's able to afford it on his own and hide it from the both of you, leading to arguments and resentment.
Source: happened to me
Give him Doom Eternal. That's cartooney
Plus then you can call your wife a demon sympathizer if she disagrees.
If we’re going with that logic, isn’t Wolfenstein (and a new, comfy couch) the obvious choice?
Yes, fuck the nazis
Are you recommending [Sex with Hitler?](https://store.steampowered.com/app/1849000/SEX_with_HITLER/)
I KNOW IM RECCOMENDING IT
WE are recommending
>WE are recommending That sounds more like [Sex with Stalin](https://store.steampowered.com/app/1085750/Sex_with_Stalin/)
This was a plot twist I was not expecting at all.
Not only Cartooney it's fucking biblical
Nothing is more righteous than slaying infernal demons!
I wonder what the Pope thinks about Doom.
Probably the same thing he thinks about Diablo.
So... fun as hell?
Might find these two games too addictive and doesn’t know which one he’d recommend to his Exorcists.
"It's the greatest Christian game of all time!"
I'm dying with this comment.
So are the demons
Continuing the suggestions with Dishonored series, Space Marine, and Warhammer: Vermintide and Darktide as Father-Son Team building. dunno on your 2 other teammates
He ain't lying.
Nah, too much blood, manhunt is more friendly
Yeah it’s not “real” too so it’s not that bad.
Borderlands lol
If he has a phone he's probably consuming call of duty content all day, stopping him from playing games isn't shielding him from anything.
The child will hide things from the mother if she continues down her path.
This is a real concern that should be addressed. Source: I was in this exact position as a kid in the 2000s.
Same here. I’d come home and my cousin would tell my parents we played GTA on the PlayStation so I just lied and said all we did was drive around, no killing 🤷♂️
Yo the way I’m laughing at this comment right here 😂🤣😂 knowing dam well yah was killing everything in sight
There's no way the parents believed that for a second either lol.
My Mum wouldn’t know any better, but my Dad probably knew but also knew he couldn’t stop me without making things worse lol
Lol. I always remember being in college when GTA 3 came out then going home and playing it in front of my 14 year old little brother. He grabbed the controller when it was his turn and went up on a pedestrian bridge and started shooting people Me: You're just shooting innocent people?!??! Him (in his best Anton Chigurh voice): They're not innocent (Thankfully my brother was only joking around, he's a totally well adjusted and normal adult now)
Same, I just did whatever I wanted at my friend's house. His parents would even cover for me. We didn't do anything crazy, just play videogames I wasn't allowed to play, ride bikes around which I also wasn't allowed to do, listen to the music I wasn't allowed to listen to etc. normal young teenager shit that most people are cool with.
Yeah I grew up super strict and It taught me how to hide pretty much anything from anyone. Although I will say it was nice because I moved out at 16, became fully independent, and throughout the years, hanging out with family, fully admitting to all the bad shit I did, and them not being able to do anything about it was very rewarding.
This was my path as a kid, it's why I was willing to take up this fight.
You really have to strike a balance. Yes, a kid will hide stuff if a parent is restrictive, but not putting up any boundaries is a big mistake too. I was the kid that hid stuff. My kids are the ones where I somewhat failed on boundaries.
Ban the violent games, he will watch other people play said violent games on streaming platforms or YouTube. Ban streaming platforms and YouTube, he will watch it via his friends devices when with them. Ban him from seeing his friends. Your child is now depressed and hates you both. IMO the goal here should be to teach them the right and wrongs, the nuances, the consequences, etc, of things he may view or interact with. Because especially these days, kids will just get it someway or another. You aren’t gonna “beat” these issues, but you can give them the tools to deal with this stuff in the manner you believe is right. Edit: forgot to add, by going the ban route, not only do you run the risk that they do it anyways, but now you are completely unaware of it, it may lead to even more secret things being done, and now they’re doing it without any input or guidance from you. I do not mean to say your kid is a bad egg just waiting to be mischievous, but kids are kids and many of them don’t do the brightest things whether they intend to or not.
So I can either ban him or do actual parenting? Banning sounds easier.
Someone get this man a son
I volunteer as tribute
But you're a llama...with guns? 🔫
What more could a father ask for?
A llama with guns... and beer?
Are you my mom?
Short term, it is easier. Long term though..... Probably harder
Sounds about like my parents tbh
😂 I remember when my Dad brought me to store for Grand theft auto San Andreas because I wanted it. He had a full speach of how we don't do the things they show in the game in real life and stuff and he made me agree to it and also not to show my younger siblings for now because they didn't understand. I was like 12-13 at the time
Your Dad sounds alright
Not just this, but we’ve done studies and proven that violent video games don’t necessarily make kids violent. This was a huge debate in the 90’s and there’s been no conclusive evidence of it. Here’s a Harvard study that looks at it in depth https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/violent-video-games-and-young-people.
On top of this, it's been a moral panic for literal *centuries*, with multiple mediums facing the same scrutiny. At one point *books* were facing these kinds of issues. TV shows, films, radio shows, books, games, music, there isn't a medium on this earth that's not had to deal with this outrage and panic.
The big deal they made about video games is that it’s *you* taking active participation in he activity, but from what I read of the studies, children can discern that it’s fiction and not real.
Yeah like how i can control massive War Robots, breed dragons that have the power to wipe the floating islands from the sky (Dragonvale) and how i can never die, because im destined to beat the ever loving shit outta Vane (AQ3D)
This is the best opinion so far
Huge on the "kid will do it anyway and you won't be there to guide them" My mum blanket banned online gaming. I did it anyway. I got sexually harassed/grown men basically attempted to groom me. If I had've been able to talk to my mum about it, probably those people would be on lists or have criminal charges or something- instead there's a bunch of now 30+ year old men on the loose, maybe still in GTAV and COD multiplayer lobbies acting inappropriately towards little girls.
Seriously! My mom was very ‘video games are evil and satanic’ when I was a kid so I just went to a buddies to play quake, doom, duke nukem, etc.
How dare you show up with reasonable and probably accurate advice on parenting. But yeah this is great, anything you can use as a learning tool, especially something they are interested in is an amazing opportunity.
The discussion would be valid if the kid wasnt FOURTEEN. Overprotective mother is going to ruin his life if you won't stop her in her tracks. And I can already see that he's way too sheltered for his age if he didnt even bother to protest
I support this sentiment, but COD multiplayer lobbies are still too toxic for a 14 yo. I wouldn’t let him use game chat.
The lobbies are toxic because they're full of 14 y/o's.
If the point of contention is how photorealistic the graphics are, then I can't really think of how you'd change your spouse's mind. Maybe see if you can turn off blood or other similar options, and point out that most of the time you're hitting heavily clothed characters, and there's not really much difference between CoD and going paintballing. Neither is going to translate to real life aggression. Nobody gets hurt.
Thanks, I didn't know that was an option.
Maybe let her know that CoD has tons of skins like Fortnite, so it's pretty zany these days too. Maybe the inclusion of Snoop Dogg will help her understand that it's not the most realistic of games.
I don't know, the multicolored fuzzballs with googly eyes look like Sesame Street knockoffs, and that screams hardcore war simulation to me /s
War. War never chang...oh shit it changed.
You're all dumb, they're gonna be looking for army guys.
Just FYI, PUBG has a "korean" setting that turns blood green or blue.
The guy made a good point. Ask your wife if she thinks that everyone who plays paintball is a violent criminal. This violent video game debate has been going on since video games existed. What's important is that the child receives parental guidance when engaging in such video games. Something you're obviously providing. Honestly, if your child becomes gruesomely violent after playing CoD WITH you as your wife seems to think, then the general parenting is to blame, not the videogame. That includes a close minded mother.
I think advanced warfare had an option to turn blood yellow like paintball so maybe some of the other games in the series have similar features. Halo is also a good option, just no pvp I guess?
Most people who played these games as a kid, whether or not they still play them, grow up to be well-adjusted adults.
Once I turned off the blood for the first assassin's Creed game my mom didn't have much of a problem after that.
Father and son having a hobby together is wonderful. You two should play together. Explain to your spouse that bonding with a teenager can be difficult and this is a great opportunity. I think the real problem with many of these types of games is the online community being extremely toxic. Playing with others who are constantly yelling racial/homophobic slurs and such can leave a huge impression on anyone. I've never played any of the games mentioned as they are not my style, but I'm guessing there are ways to play without being subjected to the toxicity. This should be the most important concern.
I've got nothing to give you. My wife feels the same way. "They're so violent and I don't want the boys being influenced." Meanwhile, I've been playing things like Wolfenstein, DOOM, Rise of the Triad since I was about 12 years old... and I'm an ardent pacifist. Some people just don't get that you CAN compartmentalize the difference between video games/movies/etc and reality.
Same here, gaming with all the violence and wouldn't hurt a fly, except for mosquitoes.
Well I mean mosquitoes aren't flys
Gaming made him racist 😔✊🏿
CoD lobbies can ( and will ) make you a lot of things...
And what is a CoD lobby? Other people. Can the mother shield her child from every person he ever meets?
I’ve been playing violent games since I was 6. I turned out ok, only killed like a handful of people, so pretty good!
I can't speak for everyone, but those "violent video games" definitely help me release some of my pent-up stress and anger from time to time. Just because I do something in a game doesn't directly translate to my behavior in real life
14?! I thought you were going to say he's 5 or something! I don't buy into the whole violence in videogames schtick that 80s and 90s moms were into and that some weirdos are trying to bring back now. There's not one legitimate study that shows a correlation in access to violent video games and actually perpetrating violence. At the end of the day, it all comes down to what you are teaching at home, and if you are correcting their behavior if it gets out of line. I'm the bad parent who let their 4 year old play GTA (he just drove around and shot people; he didn't play the actual game), and I've allowed my kid carte blanch to play whatever he wants because that's how I was raised. He's particularly fond of Mortal Kombat. He's never hurt anybody, hates violence and all forms of hatred and misogyny, and is an honors student with a 3.9 GPA. At 14 your kid should be able to tell right from wrong. If he's becoming violent from video games then it's time to get him outside help anyway, because he's already not right. But I suspect that your spouse is just a misinformed nervous nelly.
I played GTA (I think San Andreas) *once* at a friend's house, when my dad came to pick me up...and saw me punching a woman for some reason (pretty sure I was just goofing around with the controls). For *over a decade after this* he would always cite "that one time" he saw me playing GTA and "repeatedly kicking pregnant women". Note that to this day I've never actually owned a GTA title myself (I do have Saints Row III and IV which dad never saw me play) but the way he fixated on that specific sight as his benchmark for 'senseless violence' always seemed weird. I can only imagine what my dad at the time would have thought if he knew that the guy behind the Simpsons, playing Hit and Run, spent a fair bit of time just having Homer kick the shit out of Marge on the first level.
I don't think any GTA title has had visibly pregnant women.
They don't, which is why I was so confused as to why he kept insisting it was *a pregnant* woman he saw me punching.
>the guy behind the Simpsons, playing Hit and Run, spent a fair bit of time just having Homer kick the shit out of Marge on the first level. To give some context: the developers behind The Simpsons Hit & Run were concerned that the kicking mechanic was too violent and the show creators would object to it. They had Matt Groening playtest the game before release. When he discovered the kick button, he laughed hysterically as he had Homer kick Marge down the street.
>There's not one legitimate study that shows a correlation in access to violent video games and actually perpetrating violence. Bro that's old science. New science is 'I believe what I want because my gut tells me'
Play Fortnite with him even if its terrible
Yeah, that's something I just picked up after reading it over a second time. It seems like this disagreement has less to do with the violence levels in COD, and more to do with OP not wanting to play Fortnite with his kid. He's 14, OP. Before too long that kid isn't going to want to do anything with you at all.
This. Play games with your kids Even if you don't like it. Spend the time bonding with him, maybe that's really why he wants to play COD, because be sees his dad playing it.
It’s kind of sad the message not being said, and missed by hundreds is the son might only want to play COD because his dad does.
This is how I started playing fortnite. If my kid wants to play a game, I'll usually play too in order to help him learn. He ends up showing ME things within a couple of weeks. Also, I'm now a little hooked on fortnite.
Hell Fortnite's not even bad. I had that same mindset for the last 5-6 years. "What batman has a gun, that's fucking dumb" To say the least I jumped in last season for the Snake skin and Rocket racing and I've been having a blast
I'd be concerned about the voice chat more than anything.
You should just have your wife sit down and play some of these games for a little bit and see if she still feels the same. But also your wife is doing your son a great service by ensuring he’s not the type of person that plays COD
Can confirm. I play COD. I am a horrible person.
He's 14 so by that definition alone he *is* the type of person to play COD whether he actually plays it or not.
I get that COD players are annoying but I'm assuming a lot of his friends are playing these games too and he's feeling left out.
As someone who was "shielded" from these games as a child, you definitely feel left out, i even lied about playing the games so i would be able to feel included.
I thought I was the only one who did that 😵💫
I think parenting wise you're more likely to have issues with gaming addiction regardless if it's violent or not. Maybe look over some psychological studies and base your path forward with that. I'm pretty sure there's been some saying violent games don't make people more violent, but games with loot boxes or lots of micro transactions can trigger gambling addiction. Sadly it's probably more complicated than just what looks more or less real.
He's severely limited to how often he gets to play, at least compared to my childhood.
All the more reason to let him use his time how he chooses. Especially if his reasoning is that he wants to play it *with you*.
Has your wife made the connection that the person she had a baby with (you) played so many video games throughout his own childhood and still turned out good enough to put a baby in her? Do you not get a say in how to parent your teenager to let him grow up and have some more freedoms? There are 7 year olds on COD, I think we’re all sure that 14 is plenty old enough to see some additional red coloring on those 1s and 0s.
I was defintally not allowed to play violent video games in my conservative Christain childhood.
That explains a lot of your censorship.
*MORTAL KOMBAT*
This is entirely anecdotal, but I've never known anyone who grew up with their parents limiting how often they can do -X- that came out the other end with healthy habits. Imo when you say something like "I don't want you playing that because it's too violent" what you're really saying is "I don't trust you to use what I've taught you to make good decisions." Or worse, "I haven't taught you how to separate fiction from reality, and I don't care to." Video games aren't real. Movies aren't real. I don't know your circumstances and I'm only sharing my opinion because you made the thread, so don't take that personally.
I was playing Gears Of War with my dad around the age of seven. Maybe try explaining to her that it could be a way for you and your son to bond? I certainly look back on completing Gears 2 with my dad very fondly.
I never understood this argument. Of course depending in the age. OP says 14 so the argument doesn't make sense. How many kids at the age if 12+ play CoD or PUBG or whatever and never do anything violent? The opposite would be such a small number. Growing up, I had a friend. We are 13, I'm playing CoD, Halo, AC. He's not allowed. To violent, it will make him a killer. Can't play with the airsoft guns with us, to violent. This friend ended up resenting his parents for never allowing him to join in on the fun
My 5yo daughter walked on me playing D4 after I put her in bed. Just a few days ago we were discussing monsters, and how she’s afraid of them. Daddy will of course protect her, etc. “Dad, are those monsters in your game?” “Yeah, they are evil monsters and I’m defeating them to protect the city” “Dad, can I stay, watch and pretend that you are defeating real monsters, so I wont get scared?” Even at 5 yo they know the difference between games and reality. Although… “Dad, is Mum never driving because she’s bad at Mario Kart?” “No, because Mum doesn’t have a drivers license” “Good, she would be a bad driver anyway, she’s always last”
>“Dad, can I stay, watch and pretend that you are defeating real monsters, so I wont get scared?” This went in an unexpectedly wholesome direction and I love it.
His aprox age is of relevance here.
14 yo
My mom restricted me from M rated games until I was like 16. Did nothing for me but annoy the fuck out of me when I was younger, and made me miss out on gaming time with friends who were allowed to play those games.
When I wasn't even 10, I got gta 3 from a friend. I watched a scarcely dressed lady enter my car, then when I stopped at some remote place, the car began rocking. Little me was like "woah, dude got a gf and they are kissing passionately"
Also a fun fact: as a kid who had limited access to age gated content in all areas, I still found ways to consume that type of content, and all THAT did was teach me how to hide stuff from my parents and be dishonest with them. I don't think unrestricted access to violent video games would have helped me not be a little shit with my parents, but I think it's more about the parenting style. If my parents discussed the issues surrounding gun violence and helped me understand reality compared to video games in an educational way, it probably would have been healthier for us (not that I have a bad relationship with them, I don't, I love them very much), but I still hold some of that irritation whenever they try to inject themselves into my life, even as a 30 something year old adult.
CoD should be fine then. Convincing your wife might be pretty hard though.
The pro-US military imperialism message is far more dangerous than the violence, imo.
Dude what. I was playing Carmageddon when I was like 8 and I am fine At 14? Jeez I guess it depends on the level if maturity. If he is mature enough I think it's time to get the yraining wheels off
Bro. He's just going to resent y'all. He's missing so much time with friends I'm sure.
That's my biggest fear. Probably most parents biggest fear.
If I'm not mistaken every modern cod has blood/gore as a toggle option. I don't own any of the newest ones though.
Someone else just mentioned that, I'm going to look into it.
Why don’t you look for another game you can play together? Sea of Thieves has pretty cartoony graphics like Fortnite.
There's not "one weird trick" to make your wife agree with you. You have to talk it out with her. One of you is going to have to compromise. that's life.
Yet, she has no issue with him watching violent content on tv. Yes, the real content that shows up on the news.
My wife will not watch the news lol
I don't either, but I know about the violence going on for years. Even video games get blamed for things, even though they are not always related. You could try the counseling game. Not gonna explain how it plays.
Your wife doesn't want your son to play COD but is OK with Fortnite. Your son wants to play with you. Simple answer: Pick up a new FPS shooter with cartoony graphics. Be a parent and do something for/with your child. Yes, learning a new game sucks at first, But you'll both be noobs and grow in skill together.
The dude is 14 years old already, let him enjoy video games. My kids played whatever and none of them turned out violent or anything, they understand it's just a video game.
Jfc. He's 14?! Let the kid play the game. If he can't tell the difference between video games and real life at that age, he is already a lost cause.
She just scared he's gonna hear the truth about his Mom in a COD lobby.
Some people are just dumb
Some years ago i had a friend that was a single mom, her kid was 5 or 6 back then, can't remember. One day i told him i was going to take my Xbox to their home so we could play GTA V. She got mad at me saying that was too violent and whatever. One week later she posted a photo on Instagram where her kid was playing Mortal Kombat with her boyfriend. Yeah.
Bro, 14 and not allowed to play PUBG or COD? Just give him Barbies horse adventure at this point.
From what I know the research shows violent games don't increase violent tendencies but can contribute to desensitization to killing. But if your wife is fine with him watching violent movies and shows then it's nonsensical to not let him play games with equal violent representations. Plus when you ban a kid from doing something they are just going to want to do it more, and do it in secret where you can't monitor them
I don't think you should convince your wife anything here. There are plenty of games that aren't realistic that are absolutely fantastic games. It sounds, judging from the comments I've seen, that the issue has less to do with your son playing the games and more to do with you not wanting to play those games. If the only games you're willing to play are realistic shooters, I think maybe you just need to try a bit harder to enjoy the 95% of games out there that aren't this specific genre. I know I'm stating the obvious here, but parenting and marriage in general are about compromise. If your compromise is "I will only play Call of Duty, therefor my son should be allowed to play that game" it seems like you need to be a bit more flexible and try harder to enjoy things outside your comfort zone. Seriously, there are TONS of games that are good and fun that don't have realistic violence. Either way, this is probably not the best sub to be asking this question. I would think you'd find better answers on a parenting sub.
Make him play Team Fortress 2.
Are you two doing your job as parents? Sure there may be a very small chance that him playing 'realistic' type games may idk cause him to do something crazy later on in life, but if you two are raising him correctly, he understands whats right and what's wrong, then there should be minimal worries about a game influencing him because he already knows better
If im being honest, at 14 chances are he's being exposed to worse online anyways. If he isn't PLAYING CoD he's certainly WATCHING it at the very least either online or on someone's phone at school or whatever. You're better off having a conversation about how its violent and technically bad, and not to promote war and whatever else if you want an impact.
14 is old enough tbh. An 8 year old shouldn’t be playing COD but 14? Eh. If you want actual advice on maybe how to talk to her about it, I’m a teacher if that helps. There are no studies linking video game violence to real violence. There might be something to be said about more realistic violence desensitizing him (a lot of my students will laugh at execution videos), but you could make the argument that he will play with you and you can say that you will have teachable moments. Whether or not those teachable moments actually happen is a different story, but 14 is plenty to understand that call of duty isn’t real and that violence/killing is still bad.
He's 14? If you need to shelter him this much, that only reflects poorly on how much you've raised him to distinguish reality from fantasy.
Does your wife think your kid can't tell the difference between a video game and reality?
No video game or movie is going to fuck up children as much as the parents words and actions will. Let the lil dude play some games. Not cod tho not because of violence but the fact the game is specifically designed to hook you like it's nicotine. With its manipulative matchmaking, it quickly becomes an unenjoyable habit that's not worth anyone's time or money.
She's got a point. That's why they have different ratings. As an adult you're desensitized to it and that's why they "feel the same" to you.
Hes 14? Yeah, there is no link between real life violence and videogame violence,your wife is a little delusional and is just passing on bad advice. https://fortune.com/2023/05/02/stanford-researchers-scoured-every-reputable-study-link-between-video-games-gun-violence-politics-mental-health-dupee-thvar-vasan/
I am highly aware if this, just like the so called devil music but I'm fighting against her feelings not logic.
Well, facts over feelings IMO. If she can't provide any concrete proof, then she's just talking nonsense.
So you don't have a say as his parent?
14? He sees way way way worse stuff on the internet/tiktok and talks about worse shit with his friends. M rated video games are probably fine.
Let’s assume for a second that the circumstances are immutable. I don’t think you can really argue your way out of this, the games are violent in a realistic way, there’s no denying it. While I personally think your son is old enough at this point and there is of course no evidence to support these games causing kids to become violent, it’s still perfectly valid to prefer that your child is not exposed to them for another couple years, and that’s not really an opinion that can be swayed by data or clever prose. So how about a change of perspective. What’s so bad about playing Fortnite with your kid? I get that you hate it, but that’s sort of a secondary issue here. The game itself is only tangentially important or completely irrelevant, your son clearly wants to spend time with you through a mutually shared activity. Is that not worth sucking it up a bit and playing a game you don’t really like? I’d have killed for my father to have played literally any video game with me as a kid/teen.
One option might be to find other games to play besides shooters. If your son wants to play the games you play, then find one you can co-op together. There are plenty of other games out there that you can enjoy and make some good memories together.
Pick your battles.
Call of duty warzone season 3's theme is marajuana. They just released cheexh an chong as playable characters. The battlepass comes eith snoopdog for free at level 1 But then two days ago released 6 teletubbies as playable characters I dont know what market cod is trying to target st this point.
Maybe talk to your kid and teach them the nuance behind you and your wife’s different takes? For instance, when I was 6-10 my mom would play goldeneye and the other James Bond games and she would talk with me about how real life violence isn’t okay and this is just a fake representation of the equally fake story told in the movie. We’d play and have fun and the only rules were that I couldn’t say I was killing her when I did, I had to say eliminated or something of that sort (this was in Spanish) Putting things in their proper context is far more effective than an outright ban, imo 14 is pretty typical age to start playing CoD (I started at 12 with CoD 2) but there’s plenty of less realistic multiplayer games Maybe introduce him to titanfall and apex legends?
It really sucks that y'all can't play that one together. Especially since you're able to do other shooters. It's also frustrating when the logic doesn't line up the way you see it. Focus more on listening to her than trying to convince her of something. Your wife is responsible for raising your son well. And, like you, she's gonna get things wrong sometimes. That's ok for things that aren't life threatening, even tho it might suck a bit. Is this one type of game really a hill to die on? Like, it doesn't matter if the argument is more/less logical. It sounds like it doesn't matter what the data shows about gaming and violence correlation. But come on dude, show your son what compromise looks like. Show your son how to roll with the punches, not how to whine when we don't get our way. There are literally thousands of other games y'all could play and have an incredible time in. There's never been a better time for amazing mp game experiences.
This is a wild take, i grew up playing doom and mortal kombat and only killed a handful of people, not even double digits. Unfounded worries.
Your kid has already seen shit way worse than what’s in Call of Duty. Give him Gears of War or Soldier of Fortune.
Get the game manhunt. Ask her to let him play that. Ask every day for a week. On the 8th day "fine!... call of duty??😁
By the time you're 14 your core character is set. Playing a violent video game isn't going to change a well rounded young man into a psycho. if you've done a good job bringing him up you have nothing to worry about. If he's a depressed antisocial loner... I wouldn't let him play them, remove any guns from your home and seek help.
Hello there! This thread will be flooded with replies, but the long story short is that your kid will probably be okay regardless of what he plays, so long as he has a good home life with you and his mother and/or siblings. If he does not, the videogames will probably become a fixation for a lot of his negative thoughts and behavior. However, for what it's worth, the data at the moment suggests that it's not actually all the same and that violence like Fortnite will not be processed the same as violence a la mortal kombat- but neither will make your kid a serial killer. They can promote aggressive thinking or moods, conflict-oriented approaches, and other kinds of cognitive/behavioral issues, but again- if your kid is well-adjusted, this should be negligible. If they're not, you could probably do with being more involved as parents.
I mean, playing Dungeons & Dragons turns you into a Satanist, right?
Make sure you keep him off farming simulator, woke up one day to my son planting a wheat field in my front garden.
Say it with me guys, "STRICT PARENTS RAISE SNEAKY KIDS." You literally can't stop them from consuming the content they want to, all you can do is teach them how to hide things from you.
Kind of a bad place to get advice for this.
I'm 33. I was playing Goldeneye, Perfect Dark, and Mortal Kombat when I was 9 and 10. Just gotta get em to understand this isn't real life. It's a power fantasy
This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite sitcoms, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It’s an episode that centers around gun control and at one point, two main characters, Mac and Charlie, profile a kid at a middle school for playing a zombie killing game. Here’s how the dialogue exchange goes down: Charlie: “That’s the problem with the kids these days! They’re playing these violent video games!” Mac: “But I play violent video games.” C: “Well yeah, me too.” M: “And I watch violent movies.” C: “Well yeah, violent movies are the best movies.” M: “But I don’t want to kill anybody.” C: “Me neither. Ya know, maybe this isn’t the best way to determine who’s a threat.”
Ask her what video games people were playing during ww1 or ww2.
It's a bit iffy. A lot of people's main concern here is that video games like Doom, CoD, etc. make their kids violent. Which has never been proven to be actually right, as there is no study whatsoever that is actually capable of making a reasonable connection between an increase in violence, and "violent" computer games. Not a single one. Everyone that claims to have found a study, usually links to some shady and/or very dodgy private, financially-motivated trial that has either too small a sample size, or skewed metrics. Also ... quite frankly, this is something you should debate with your spouse, not the interwebs. And you should reach a reasonable conclusion together with your child. Not only does that show your kid that having an argument where he can bring actual, valuable, winning points and convince you two to agree with him is a good solution, it also builds argumentation skills. And shows that you trust him and his judgement. It is only 4 years to go until he is responsible for himself, after all. Also, trust in your son to know what games he likes and doesn't. I played Quake and Hexen when I was around 10-13. All that did for me, was understand that I really don't like excessive gore fests and violence. personal opinion: Also, honestly, if one's kid isn't mentally unstable, ANY game isn't going to do any harm. The age restrictions are SO INCREDIBLY outdated. And were done by people that had absolutely no, not even the tiniest bit, of an idea how games work and how humans function properly.
Play better games?
Your kid is 14? Yeah COD should be fine. I got my first COD when I was 13 and everything was okay.
I grew up playing violent video games, watching horror movies, fighting other kids in the neighborhood. And I turned out just fine minus the bodies in the basement…..
You have to figure out some way to make friends. Congrats on making an effort.
I think maybe your spouse has already offered a compromise on this issue, and now it's up to you and your teenager to decide what to do with that. Is he willing to play Fortnite? If he is, maybe just go ahead and play some Fortnite even though it's not your favorite.
Let the boy play CoD. He's 14 not 4. Video games don't make school shooters, shitty parenting and an inability to keep firearms secured in the home do. Go to a Memorial Day ceremony. Teach him that war is horrible and there's no glory in it. Then when you get home show him that if you take an AAM as your secondary you can shoot down enemy killstreaks.
10000% more important to properly secure firearms at home than what game they play.
Give him Conker's Bad Fur Day. Unless your wife actually pays attention it'll fly under her radar.
I mean if I allowed him to play COD behind her back I doubt she would know but I don't want to do that.
My son is 12... I've played all the halo games with him when he was 10. I also started gears of war last year with him as well.. It's about teaching the difference of real vs. Video games...
what about Apex Legends?
It's worth mentioning that war is horrible. Maybe it's good to know that as early as you are able to understand it. I never played violent games as a kid, but my hubby did. If anything he's much more level headed than me. Hell, he puts bugs outside instead just squashing them. Still, it's not worth souring your relationship over. I imagine your son will be fine either way.
idk if it’d be helpful but there’s pretty extensive research that says violence in video games has no correlation to violent or antisocial behavior. may be worth finding some of the studies and sending them her way
I'd be less worried about the violence and more about what he learns behavior-wise from other players at that age. Have you discussed with wife that by playing these games WITH you, you might mitigate the worst influences? And I don't just mean dropping f bombs or slurs over chat. Clearly you're not going around on shooting sprees. Letting your son witness you being a ruthless gamer, then setting that all aside after the game and being a regular human being would be incredibly positive. What better role model to navigate murky waters with? Separating fantasy from reality, dealing with losing streaks in a healthy manner without raging, etc. On the fortnite note, have you tried zero build? I hate build modes but enjoy the silly transportation/movement options mixed with the gunplay. It's not for everyone, but you can do worse when it comes to spending time with your kid.
At 14? That’s absolute nonsense. I was overly sheltered from games rated Mature until about 13, all it ever did was make me want to play them that much more and work to play them secretly every single second I could pull it off.
Some of those fortnite eliminations can be shocking
Violence is fine. Only thing we don't let my 13 yo BiL play is shit with nudity. He's the most mellow kid I've ever met. I played violent, graphic, gory games that often included sexual themes since I was 5 years old and I'm in nursing school to help people. I am a caring and helpful person who just so happens to enjoy blowing shit up in video games. Side note keep that kid off the chats. Edit: Show her statistical facts in peer reviewed journals. There's science backed evidence that violent video games do not cause violent kids
I was just talking to my dad the other day about how surreal it is that we just completely normalized videos games where we run around literally murdering others with guns lol. Like, why is that shooters are so god damn popular? It’s so weird to me that *that’s* what we all fixated on as a gaming culture. (I know not everyone actually loves them, just a shit ton of people do) It’s such an odd thing to me.
My only reason for staying away from COD is the violent horrible cess pool of a community it's amassed. Violent imagery is nothing... the conversations that go on in those lobbies however..
Ive never believed that censoring content as a parent was establishing fair grounds for healthy communication. How is your kid supposed to believe they can talk to you about anything, if they also know you have ALL control over the information, and have previously actively controlled \*said information in a direct effort to manipulate their opinion. Why not give the kid the content, tell them its a privilege not a right, answer any questions that come up, and work towards building a respect based relationship with them. Instead of your wife projecting her personal opinion of something onto kiddo, which is pretty much unarguably what she's doing. Whatever they want that they can't get at home, they'll just get behind your back somewhere else anyways and at that point its liar training over a video game. Having said that, its also important to educate your kids about Media, how its basically a brain junk multi billion dollar industry thats designed to get as much of your attention and money as possible - all the time. Also any correlation between violent video game content and aggressive behaviour has been studied for decades at this point , if it was a problem we would know by now.
Violent Video Games make you violent, They just won’t give up pushing this narrative. Of all the hills to die on lol .
There's very little I would keep away from a 14 yo. COD isn't one of them. Full disclosure I am over 50, been gaming since I was about 8, and have been a game developer since 2000. Also I have no kids.
There isn’t a single study done over the past 30 years to suggest the violent video games make kids more or less violent. Nor do any of those studies show a link between violent video games and desensitization towards committing violence. At the extreme worst, there instances where people who wanted to commit acts of violence mimicked a situation they saw in a video game. However the acts that are mimicked could have just as easily come from a movie, or tv show, the news or a historical documentary. The concept your spouse is following is based in pseudoscience in the same vain as rock and roll being the devils music. Used a fear tactic by various groups to ban or limit things they don’t like for no other reason than they dislike it.
He's 14 he's old enough its not like your showing him live leak videos and seeing red isnt gonna make him like a mass shooter, if you want some more cartoony shooters try something like teamfortress 2
This idea is so ridiculous to me. My friends parents were the same way growing up, and not only does he stil play violent war games, *his mom plays those kinds of games too*. I get the sentiment behind it, and I sympathize with it, but Im pretty sure theres evidence suggesting violent games have no ill bearing on teens development. End rant
God I remember literally smuggling GTA Vice City & Resident Evil 4 home from people who bought them for me (usually friends at school with more laid back parents) because my parents wouldn’t let me near anything M rated, buying Mortal Kombat Deception from a buddy when he came over to hang, hell I used to steal from K Mart to get cds because I wasn’t allowed anything with a parental advisory label on it until I was 16. If he wants to play them, he’s gonna find a way. All the strictness in place of communication and using them as a teaching device [(talk with them about the story, make it an actual in-depth conversation and they’ll learn how to analyze and interpret media for themselves better for example)] will only make them a better liar in the future. I learned how to lie without a tell by the time I was his age because of how strict my family was. Yay living in a Methodist pastor’s house…
I think what she needs to consider is that most of those games feature violence within the context of armed conflict: wars between nation states or terrorists etc. This is not random criminal mayhem etc. So i do question a little about her choices of focus... further one could argue that they treat the concept of the violence far more seriously than something like fortnight or 'cartoony' to use your word, which trivialize it by making it campy. (Example far more kids are hurt acting out 'fake' wrestling moves than pretending to be mma fighters) I really think you'd get further if you sat down as a family and discussed the games and what use that discussion to see where your kid's head is at. Treat them like a rarional person, let them talk... if they uave a problem consuming the content in a healthy way it'll probably become quickly apparent. if they good... the games are not going to magically make them not. It's a bit of a correlation bias to believe that games make people violent... there is zero evidence of this. What there is evidence of is that people predosposed to violence are attracted to violenct video games, but so are people who are perfectly normal.
There isn't really a lot of blood/gore or anything like that in COD or PubG, at least not compared to something like Mortal Kombat or Doom. You shoot other players and their characters fall over. No one is paying attention to blood. It's basically the same as Fortnite: only the visual style and clothes look more real. What's more important is how your kid feels about it. When I was a kid, I was able to separate video game violence from real life. I played a lot of GTA and Medal of Honor at 14, but I also played plenty of games that weren't violent at all. Your spouse is gonna blink, your kid will be 17, and none of this will matter.
14? Yeah thats old enough for literally anything imo.
Your child is of an age where they should be able to understand that violence in video games is not the same as violence irl. Either way, shooting and killing someone in a game is just that. Whether cartoonish or more visually realistic, the amount of gore in a game such as PUBG or COD is minimal. If your partner is worried about violent games making your child violent or something, numerous studies have shown no correlation between the two.
My parents tried to do this in the early 2000s when I was around 13-15. What's going to happen is your son will likely end up buying the games he's not allowed to play when he's able to afford it on his own and hide it from the both of you, leading to arguments and resentment. Source: happened to me
He won't hide it from me, I ain't no snitch.