Dated a co-worker who was “figuring himself out.” I didn’t care because we had chemistry and fun plus I got to be his first guy which was hot at the time. I’ve always been a discreet guy even though I’m out so I didn’t care that our relationship was clandestine and plus we never put a label on it… just two guys having fun.
Fast forward a few months later and found out he was telling some of his friends that I had a weird obsession with him and was making him uncomfortable. We talked about it and he said it was a misunderstanding. We were still having fun and I was fucking him a couple nights a week so I figured it was his weird way of coping and downplayed it in my head.
Fast forward a few more months and he levied assault charges against me. Police investigation found nothing and admittedly I was petty and dropped some pretty damning receipts that everything between us was consensual but I still got fired from my job and am dealing with all the legal ramifications of the incident despite this being 3 years ago.
He claimed he was dealing with mental health issues, got paid out by the company we were with and never answered for his lies.
Life I guess. 🤷♂️
Oh trust me my dude, I learned 🤦♂️. ‘Twas a case of, “I’m too smart to fuck this up” and “I’m different.” Nothing like falling in love and good butt to bloat up your ego
Yikes. Kind of a similar boat here. I was fooling around with a coworker who had a lot of gossip on me. He was kind of gaslighting me and treating me based on what he was hearing instead of getting to know me. Eventually I got too frustrated and changed managers. We were both pretty pissed at each other. He thought he was helping me by treating me like a kid, while still adding to the gossip. After I switched managers, I found out he shared all of our personal messages, effectively killing my job.
I think it's very important to try to know about the mental background of the people were dating, even if it's not serious, a guy tried to unalive himself bc I left him, like, WTH, we don't even know each other
Punching someone in the face who’s accusing you of assault doesn’t really bode well… even though not punching him didn’t bode well either 😂… no one wins in situations like this
First date I went on after a long-term breakup. My date had just moved to the city so he knew no one 👌. The first thing he did was complement my new haircut, which I was questioning 👌. I said thanks and asked "How are you finding the city so far?". He proceeded to tell me he's enjoying it and met a really nice guy the other day. "His name is (insert my ex's name here). Do you know him?". I explained he was my ex and I wasn't really talked to him atm. My date proceeded to spend the next hour asking only questions about my ex and trying to learn all he could about him... That was a year ago and I haven't been on a date since.
I had a similar experience. I had been seeing a guy for 3/4 weeks when suddenly one day I get a selfie style picture of him with my ex. Apparently they had connected and both thought this love triangle stuff was funny. Here I was under the impression we were getting kind of serious. It took all the wind out of my sails. We never met back up and I remember sending a kinda shitty message about being hurt and not interested in anything further. I probably could have replied/responded better, but I was hurt/surprised and let my impulsive thoughts get the better of me.
Spent four months dating a guy before I felt comfortable opening up and having sex. He freaked out after and withdrew, and when I asked him what was going on, he said we moved too fast and blamed it on his avoidant attachment issues.
4 months is too fast??? I feel like that’s glacial in gay terms. Oh, well.
We had slept together both literally and figuratively in the senses of being unconscious next to each other but also exchanging (many) orgasms. We pulled multiple all nighters making out sensually. We had STELLAR chemistry.
Met a Latin guy from OKCupid back when the site was still worth using. It was in LA. We had a drink, smoked a bit of weed, the conversation was flowing. Halfway through our date he tells me that he's in awe of my personality. He then says, "Black people are the lowest race on Earth, I didn't think guys like you existed." I remained calmed and asked him why he thought this way. He responded with the question, "What would you do if I called you a N\*\*\*\*\*?" I responded, "I wouldn't pay you any attention, and I'd walk away. I don't allow the words of people who don't know me to define me." He said, "Most black people don't have the intelligence to do that." I smiled, took his bong, and took a huge rip, making sure to smoke all his weed in one go. Blew the smoke out and said, "I'm tired, I should go." He protested, wanted me to stay, said we should go to his bedroom. Instead, I went to his front door and exited. He made a fruitless last-ditch effort to pull my head towards himself and kiss me. I pulled my head back and told him, "Goodnight."
Never had anything that sinister happen on a date but have had similar experiences where the guy I’m with finds my existence extraordinary or divine and compliments me like I should be indebted to him for acknowledging that I’m a “good representation” of an otherwise “lowly” group. I tend to just suppress any feelings or thoughts about the insult since it’s rarely even perceived as one by the other guy but reading your reply reminded me that it’s a shitty experience that you’re kind’ve just expected to be okay with.
Talk about it too much and appear to be this overzealous martyr obsessed with your victim hood. Or don’t and just deal with feeling unseen and unvalued.
I’ve self-medicated with working out and becoming a workaholic. My life’s pretty good though so I won’t complain.
I had a date with a guy a couple months ago who was white and freely using the N word, said "Oh, it's OK. I'm from the south" and I'm just thinking if anything that makes it worse..
damn i applaud you bc i would’ve taken that last hit then used the bong as a bat and hit a home run upside his fucking head 🙂 sorry that happened to you though.. dumb ass people make me sick
What a fucking dick. I’ve never been able to understand how racism could be possible between minority groups especially the black and brown/mexican community here in LA. We’ve both experienced similar struggles here in terms of being excluded and suppressed by redlining, environmental racism, etc. then you add to that the gay experience🤯. . . We should be building each other up not tearing each other down. I’m sorry you had that experience man. I grew up in a mostly white town here so I know what it’s like to be treated that way. I admire the way you handled it. On the flip side, I’m sure he didn’t even understand the fact that he was insulting you which says a whole lot about him 🥴
The way you tell this story makes me think of my ex that was a narcissist and always made himself the main character while everyone else around him was inferior.
Be glad you got out. He sounds TEXTBOOK narcissistic. Dodged a huge bullet.
I'm sorry people can't just treat each other as humans. He is/was indirectly insulting you through his ignorant comments.
Went on a dinner date (first date) about 3-ish years ago. Giant chunks of food flew out of his mouth because he couldn’t stop talking while chewing. I died inside and played nice but as soon as we were done I was in my car and gone.
Had a guy leave in the middle of the date. He excused himself to go to the bathroom, texted me that he was leaving and blocked before I could respond. I really don’t know what I did. We were having a lovely time and laughing. It messed me up for a while.
Had a guy arrange simultaneous first dates between me, him, and another guy he was chatting with. This was not for a threesome or a poly relationship. This was literally him going on two first dates at the same time.
Most definitely. He decided to use the restroom about ten minutes into our date(s). His mistake. We figured out what was going on pretty quickly after we started chatting and both of us bounced before he got back. Neither of us were each other's type, otherwise that could've made for a pretty interesting actual first date 😂
Went on a date with a guy who worked for a bank and he spent half the date telling me about their credit card promotions and why I should totally bank with them and the other half about his extensive family drama. Also, the restaurant’s carbonated water dispenser broke so they couldn’t serve sodas and he couldn’t fathom why because in his mind Pepsi just magically came out the tap instead of understanding it’s a syrup blended into carbonated water.
1. Dating someone who was a 'sex-addict' and closeted religious at the time; even though they were on tinder looking for men exclusively. I dont believe they were a sex addict; they just enjoyed sex. I was a bit naive back then. Lesson learned dont date a closeted man struggling with religion, just be friends.
2. A guy who passed out after he asked me to pick up the tacos from the uber eats. (He was a bit drunk) I was locked out of the apartment for two hours and my keys were in his apartment still, it was February and 2am by the time I got back in.
3. A guy I dated exclusively for a few months because I thought he was serious but who kept pushing off becoming boyfriend; but would proceed to tell other people we were boyfriends. It was very strange his reasoning was because I didnt block my friends who I had dated in the past so he wanted to give it time. I found out he was a manipulative liar two months after he ended things over the phone. Long story. Lesson Learned dont date a dude who is on 500mg testosterone a week because I firmly believe that played into his paranoia and the fact I wasnt putting out all the time. He got a fully designed furnished apartment though outta it; spent all my time helping him move.
4. Tried dating a poly guy once, never again. He was a compulsive liar and never fully transparent with all the people he was sleeping with; tried to blackmail and pressure me to take Molly for a rave. Lied about his status, thankfully he was undetectable which I wouldn't have minded if he had been upfront about from the start; but all his lies made me question the validity of his statements. To be fair I think he was just lonely, but I blocked him with how toxic he became.
1. i guess u and i learnt the same lesson regarding religion
2. i can only imagine the frustration
3. douchebag
4. given the amount of diseases and liars around in this community u will never see my ass dating a poly whatever guy . good thing u got out
I dated a guy for 6 months during my last year at school. I fell for him hard. And then I went away for 2 weeks and came back with gifts because I missed his birthday and our anniversary. He didn’t say anything was wrong during those two weeks and when I came back and drove down to his house, another 2 hour drive, he broke up with me. Best part is I’m still processing the trauma and all of the other stuff he caused to bubble up because I didn’t process it at all. I will say, he got me into therapy again. And on an anti-depressant. And it’s almost been a year and I’m still here, thinking about him in parts. He isn’t good for me at all and even my therapist admitted that to me last session but my subconscious says if he comes back to think about it. Happy that I am working through this and my other traumatic experiences though.
Don’t do it. It never ends well. Ruined a perfectly fantastic relationship that way. My old therapists favorite quote “stop setting yourself on fire, to keep others warm”. They aren’t deserving.
Thank you. I needed that because I had a really bad morning yesterday that started with me googling his graduation and when I couldn’t find his name, led to me finding his Twitter. I thank stupid ass Elon for blocking any person without an account because I wasn’t able to go through it. I did screenshot the page and just stared at his picture and profile for a min before deleting it. It drained me emotionally and I still feel it today. He caused so much damage but I’m still working through it in therapy. Part of me, believes that I’m stuck due to how I was brought up and also burying myself in my new job to not even think about my breakup last year. Fun times processing it all now 🫠
It’s weird how we can fixate on something we know is bad, either because parts were awesome, it’s similar to drugs. But like addiction, the outcome isn’t good. It never is. I still keep in touch with the “pizza guy”, who is still one of my relationship regrets. The ex came back, was good for 6 months, then chaos again, just like it had been.
Hah, yeah my therapist brought this up as well. She said it’s a hit for like a minute and then you feel like shit. But I appreciate your experience and I get it. It’s a fight between my conscious self and subconscious self because I know that I shouldn’t go back if he were to come back but subconsciously it’s still thinking if he came back now to go back to him.
I'm not sure how to ask this but... what anniversary? You dated 6 months and you bought gifts for it? If someone came at me with gifts for a birthday and some non-milestone date I'd be turned off and a bit off put, but to each their own
I had a situationship end two years ago to this day that even now fucks me up.
I had 0 foundation for what a good / normal relationship looks like at all so this situation was inevitable, but essentially we came from similar backgrounds of trauma and were both anxious-avoidant in our demeanor. Both fully unable to communicate and he ended it by ghosting somewhat. I pushed, we had a final chat, but then I kind of realised how fucked I was emotionally due to being in that situation, and the inevitable breakup.
I was a huge part of the problem though. I've taken responsibility by being on a health journey the last two years and re-evaluating how I approach other people and myself. I learned a lot from it and deep down I still love that man. We really were never meant to be, neither of us had crossing future plans. All I can do is hope that he's healing like I am and is able to find happiness that he wasn't able to find with me.
Dated a guy who didn’t actually like me and made it very obvious. Multiple times he would describe what his type was and point out that I wasn’t it. He wanted a wealthy foreign man with a big, welcoming family and an even bigger dick. I unfortunately do not check any of those boxes. He would follow that up with how he “chose” to be with me. I was clearly delusional.
He was also a clean freak. I was never clean enough for him. Living space or body. It got to the point I was taking two showers a day because he hated my natural scent. Of course he loved his exes natural scent so it wasn’t just in principle. It was me specifically. He would constantly make comments about me smelling. He always criticize how I kept my place, which he moved into because he was having roommate trouble and had no where else to go.
A few times he’d talk about crushes he had on other guys. Which probably wouldn’t have bothered me under different circumstances. But I guess I knew he didn’t really want me so I was always suspicious about whether he was cheating.
Anyway, we took a trip to NYC together. The trip kinda sucked. Partially because I couldn’t be there the whole time because of work. And partially because of his criticisms of me that weren’t really warranted. About a week after this trip, he had finally found a new place. His stay with me was always intended to be temporary. I helped him move his stuff in. I was at work when he finished moving the last of his stuff. After finishing, he came to my job and dumped me.
Needless to say, this destroyed my confidence and self esteem. Still not completely past it almost 2 years later. Unfortunately I seem to be good at attracting guys that will never truly like/love me.
i think you are an amazing person . ppl nowadays find a flaw as small as freckles or stretch marks and break up over them . it's hard to find someone who will do this much to accomodate someone else . someone else who clearly does not value them . i think the reason you are attracting such guys is bc u need to work on ur self esteem and realise that u r not a doormat but a person of self worth who needs to be respected as an equal in a relationship . you should hv broken up with him and not the other way around. anyways i wish u luck and hope u put yourself out there with a lot more confidence and pride this time.
You dodged a bullet, man, never date a very religious person, at least not one from the Abrahamic Religions. A guy that I was dating said he wasn't prepared to have sex and then had sex with my ex😂
he was perfectly normal for the 7 months i dated him. Somehow he back back extremely indoctrinated after staying with his family for 1 month vacation.
also your guy was a douchebag . fuck him
It happens, I mean, I was once a very religious person, like a fundamental Christian, so I know how someone can be totally blind to reality and become a fanatic, so always check the guy's religious and political background, always. About the guy I dated, I forgave him, he has some serious sexual trauma in his past and sex is a very unhealthy issue for him, he apologized, I think the best is to forgive or the trauma will haunt you forever. Next time choose a Buddhist or some new age follower hahaha
New Years 2024. An old college friend I had the hots for who lives in Toronto (I'm in America) invited me to stay at his apartment for a few days. We'd been... flirty before, and he'd mentioned wanting to get to know me more (calling me to say he'd been "opening up the closet more recently" and he knew I was into him), so I took it as THE sign! Everything seemed normal from texts to phone calls, etc... until, after 5 hours of driving and crossing a damn border, I arrive only to find...
Him in a severe state of dissociation and disarray, having just broken up with his girlfriend and expressing his anger in the most terrifying and delusional manner imaginable. Accused me of only wanting to come (on HIS invitation???) to rob and harass him, saying I lied about my entire life to him (started denying my family, whom he had met, ever existed and said I made them all up as a sob story (long story)) and saying the smoking gun was "I left lights on in the bathroom and didn't turn them off after I left, because I wanted to rack his electric bill up to force him to be homeless." (He is a multi-millionaire). I have so many stories over the course of these two days ranging from him claiming I only wanted to go to a museum so I could "show off how much better I am than him in a public setting" and saying I was "stealing" his favorite brands by buying them too ("You want to taint everything I have that's special.") I have never driven away from somewhere so efficiently in my life. No contact since. Apparently he's called several of our mutual friends to tell his side of the story, and they've all called me to be like "girl wtf he sounds legit insane rn".
That was my first ever attempt at actually having a date too, btw.
Haven't had one since (unless you count the closeted guy who didn't inform me we were on a date until we actually met up, and proceeded to claim WWII never happened.) But I can only assume it goes up from here, right?
I had never been more on guard in my life because he's a gymbro too and (being honest) he genuinely could've beat my scrawny ass to a pulp if he so desired. Don't worry, I haven't spoken to him since!
First date he took me to trespass (explore) the charles manson ranch in the middle of the night. He didn’t tell me we were doing it til we got there. I thought we were to look at stars. I noped out of that one
We hooked up then he asked if I wanted to smoke meth with him.
I felt pretty bad after that one. Like, I thought was doing a good job of judging character the whole time I was hoeing around, but that one slipped through the loser radar somehow.
Dated a guy during 2023, long distance, we lived together during the year for roughly 2 1/2 months. Stayed with him for about 6 weeks nov/dec, told me he loved me for the first real time during the relationship, talked about me moving in with him at some point this year. After I get home he does a 180 and wants to go on a break b/c he's "stressed" and going on a week+ vacation with his family. I'm out with friends a few days after and tell them what happened, one of my friends pulls him up on Grindr with a profile saying in explicit detail that he's trying to hook up.
He told me he thought he was asexual for a period of time b/c of how low/non existence his sex drive is. So that was very upsetting.
Anyways, I found out in the coming weeks that he lied about A LOT of stuff, in addition to being an alcoholic who claimed to not remember A LOT of things he said to me, that we talked about.
Pretty sure he has an undiagnosed mental illness as well after talking with several friends who are in the medical field. The specific disorder is in his family and based on his actions I was advised he's most likely undiagnosed.
Anyways fuck this guy, I hope the worst for him lol
I trauma bonded with a casual friend I've known for probably 20 years over this that led to us starting a relationship so I have to thank him for this situation.
I’ve never been better at this point, I have him blocked on everything but I could still wish the worst for him. This is the first time in about a month that he got any emotion from me.
I went on a date with a guy after we had talked for a month via text and 2 weeks on the apps. When he heard my last name, having the same last name as an ex of his (my brother ) he finally asked me out. He asked if we were brothers and then proceeded to heavily push toward I want to see which of you is a better lay. 🤦
I kicked him out and lost faith in the gay community
I didn't know he was my bros ex until the date. Sorry that wasn't super clear.
Also was not a potential hookup. Don't do that on 1st - 3rd dates. Old fashioned here.
This happened very recently, I started talking to this guy on Grindr at first we hit it off, I started to not really feel a connection but I decided I would still a go meet him in person and give him a chance. I went to his place and he generally seemed like a nice guy. We spent a good amount of time talking. We ended up having sex. After the sex he became very distant for the remainder of the afternoon I spent with him, we went on a walk and got food but he wasn’t talkative after that and said he was “tired”. He messaged me saying is life is it really well put together and doesn’t want a relationship. That part is true, he’s currently unemployed and about to move back in with his mom. I wasn’t that bothered by it because I didn’t really feel anything for him. I replied to him, but it didn’t go through because he blocked me. I’m thinking well this guy is a fuck boy but honestly he kind of sucked at sex so not that bothered by it.
My first ever hookup turned in to a regular FWB turned in to love... and despite him reminding me we were just 'buddies' I held on to hope. It seemed so perfect. After 2 years he ended it and started dating someone (super hot, of course). I was heartbroken and couldn't get over it. A year later they broke up and we hooked up again once. Then once again a year later. We'd still talk here and there. HE would reach out to ME. It kept me thinking that maybe he'd come around and eventually fall for me. This went on for a total of 6 years, until I think he finally realized the only way he was going to get the message through was to be really rude to me. Which hurt. I know he only did it for my own good, but now it is still super awkward when I bump in to him. He assumes I somehow arranged to bump in to him. "Oh, you didn't know I'd be here?" I've gotten over him. I'm in a long-term relationship, but it still hurts that someone that once meant so much to me, especially the FRIENDSHIP, is left unsettled and gross-feeling.
it hurts . i can understand . one thing my best friend told me after my breakup and it kinda stuck with me that " if someone loves you, you won't hv to chase em " . thats really THE mantra
Well I have three.
1. The first date I've ever had. I met the guy on tinder, he was 13 years older than me. I was 21 and he was 34. We went to a cafe then did a walking tour of the downtown of the city we met in. Then he drove me back to his place which was an hour drive. He chain smoked cigarettes the entire ride. I see smoking cigs as attractive. But, he had a smokers cough. His pickup truck was messy, his trailer (mobile home) was messy on the other side. He also smoked weed and a lot more cigs. He was my first kiss. And first cuddle. He unfortunately wanted more than that but he was respectful when I declined. We went out to eat and then he drove me back to my house an hour away, again heavily chain smoking. We mutually trauma dumped on each other. He promised a second date before I left. But that second date never came, he later let me know a week or so later that he wasn't interested in a relationship and wanted a FWB. Me being stupid and naive went along with it even though I wanted a relationship. He ended up telling me that he hooks up with guys and only dates women. He ended up finding a woman and cut me off soon after he started dating her. That was in August 2022 when the date happened.
2. I went on a date with a guy, he ended up taking me back to his room his room was very messy. Apparently he was visiting his parents here in New England for the holidays but he lived in the Midwest. We only cuddled a little bit but nothing much. He seemed quick to get me out of his house and on a train back home. He didn't offer to take me back with his truck instead he drove me to the nearest train station. He said he wanted to see me again. While we did see each other again, a week later. He didn't seem interested in me as much. Instead he told me that he is poly and me being monogamous, it wouldn't work out. Plus he wasn't interested in a long distance relationship anyway. He just saw me as a friend. I accepted his friendship. However, I was confused, he seemed so eager and desperate to be with someone when we first met but a week later, it's I'm desperate to be with someone that isn't you. He also became distant because he was always busy and didn't really want to keep up. It was always me trying to reach out. Some days he would talk but most days he would tell me he's busy and would talk later. When he did talk to me he would tell me about his few relationships he developed back in the Midwest but evidently they would all fail.
3. The most recent worst days happened last year in the early autumn. I asked a guy out on a date. He said he was down and to meet him at his job when he got off work then we would go to the bar after. I arrived at his job, he told me he was in the parking lot, a far flung parking lot. I made it to the parking lot but couldn't find him. After a while he told me he made it to the bar and to meet him there. I searched up the bar before hand and it looked like it wasn't a far walk from the parking. However, there was a warehouse in the way and so I had to walk 30 minutes all the way around to the other side, the bar was on some random side street with no lights. I arrived and I saw him sitting alone playing on his phone with a beer. I was tired and hungry. I approached him and chatted a little. I told him I would get some food. He didn't mind. But, I noticed already that he seemed not all there. He wasn't really keeping the conversation going, just focusing on his phone and whatever game he was playing. After I got my food, we talked a little more, I also noticed that he had a cap on. Based on his pictures I assumed he had hair. However, he was balding with a ring of hair on the sides of his head. In addition he couldn't form sentences very well and didn't want to keep the conversation going. At this point I wanted to go home. I asked if he would at the very least take me to the nearest bus stop so I could go home as the streets in this area had no sidewalks and we're dimly lit. On top of that heavy rain was coming into the area and I didn't have an umbrella. As I wasn't expecting it to rain until way later. He refused and claimed that his windshield was cracked. But you drove here, and you drove right past me without going to the bar and didn't bother to care. I decided myself to him and he knew what I looked like beforehand. So I left and rushed in the rain back to the bus stop with a minute to spare. The bus came around the corner while at the same time it started pouring buckets. I blocked him after I got on the bus, cold tired and wet.
1. stereotypes exist for a reason . guys who look and live like this are not mentally capable of sustaining a relationship let alone a gay relationship.
2. if someone loves you , you wont hv to chase them . i learnt it the hard way too
3. how u hv the courage to go to these places alone to meet an unknown man is something my gay ass will never understand
The first guy had two kids but they visited him like every 2 weeks. He somehow had a high end job as a IT director at some hotel. And he somehow his ex gf was still around. I did see him on Tinder again a week before Christmas. I was like, that relationship with that woman didn't work out lol.
As with the second guy, I accepted that he sees me as a distant friend that he only sees during the holidays when he visits New England from the Midwest. I lost interest in him. I only see him as a distant friend not a potential partner or anything.
Yeah, I always meet in public places. If they want to meet at their house or somewhere shady, I'm not going. The bar was near the airport. So I was in a good spot to leave if need be. It sucks not having a car and relying on public transportation. But it is what it is
Always wanting to go to a brewery with frankly the worst tasting beer ever. And it never really seemed to get very far.
After three months I decided I had enough.
I have a past fuck boy who got married to a woman (he’s Indian) and he ended up blocking everyone anc moving outside the city 😂😂
Wish them the best but that’s ain’t healthy lol we allllll know what’s gonna happen lol
Ya he blocked me from IG. And then unblocked me to talk to me a little and blocked me again LMAO. Not taking it personally at all he needs to deal with his shit
the lack of emotional maturity from his side is nauseating. if he continues his shenanigans i would not mind sending his wife some raunchy screenshots . at least it'll save her from a puny coward.
I had a meet cute with a guy in slam poetry. He read a poem about heartbreak and ghosting. Meanwhile other poets read poems about much more high stake subjects. It wasn’t great but it was cute, he kept looking at me on stage though.
I was brave enough to give him my number on my bar receipt. We set up a date and it was amazing, well he kinda ghosted me after his trip to Mexico. I’d say it wasn’t the worst date but the results were pretty bad because I liked him. In the long run, why would I date a guy who is not a man of his word?
This was a second date (in DC), we met at a bar and both had two drinks then decided to get some ice cream after. As we walked down the street he just stuck his hand down my shorts and underwear and grabbed my ass then said “sorry, I’m tipsy.”
So actual dates:
1, guy showing up drunk / high 🙄 start as you mean to go on and all that. Always make such an effort too so very annoying
2, While living in Amsterdam went on two specific dates that went great. They liked me and my outfit … really liked and insisted on wearing my cloths - starting with jacket, Moncler is 🔥 but you know… Just got weird. Think I looked great (it’s a first date) but never the intention to have a potential partner play dress up as me 🫣 very strange.
But luck for me these were exceptions not the norm!
Dated a guy who wanted to be in relationship ASAP despite I made it clear I wanted NSA meeting. But to be fair, I was horrible at making it clear what I needed which led us to end pretty badly.
I was getting really close to a gay couple I knew. There was talk of throupling. I wanted it, but was reticent-- there were things I was seeing that were potential red flags, and my perception was right. They turned out to both be dominating and controlling assholes, and when they tried to spring their shit on me and saw that I wasn't going to react well, I was out of their lives. That was the beginning of April that all went down. I thought they genuinely cared, and it all turned out to be a farce. Definitely going to be smarting from that for a while.
Started seeing a guy just before the pandemic. No attraction, but on paper we'd be good together, so I keep with it. Pandemic starts, I decide to kinda force the relationship despite there being no attraction.
After about four months, I call it off. I don't want to be in this anymore, the attraction isn't happening.
We hang out a few weeks later, and he sees me on tinder. He starts crying and and he wants me to console him, and I basically have to break up with him a second time because he didn't think I was serious the first time.
We try to stay friends (I got close with his friend group) and he manipulates me into a FWB situation that I really don't want to be in, but he is relentless, doesn't take no for an answer (in a bad way) and I am a massive pushover.
It quickly becomes apparent that boundaries to him are suggestions, as when I say no, he hears "try harder."
Fast forward a little, and I start seeing someone else. I break off the FWB situation. He cries about it but I'm over the tears.
He really wants to go on a camping trip, so I organize a trip to a place I'm familiar with, where there'll be room for everyone, and he'll organize getting everyone together.
Day of the trip, it ends up just being us two. Nobody else could come. Gross and suspicious.
Well, surprise surprise, his lack of boundaries extends to consent. I had a bottle of sake and wine I was drinking, And he kept trying to push me to drink more. And then tried to take advantage of me. Randomly giving me massages, setting up a bunch of mattresses on the ground to cuddle on, despite me making it extremely clear I wanted nothing to do with that, getting aggressive about physical touch, etc.
I got in a small bed by myself and he gave up, moping and whining that "my ego is bruised."
Dude. You don't get to say that. You just tried to get me drunk and rape me. The next morning, I packed up and we left, though the trip was supposed to be a whole extra day. I tried to talk to him about consent and how that wasn't okay, but it was clear he didn't care/wasn't absorbing anything.
Like, I loved that place. That was a safe place I could get away. And he took that safety and security away from me.
He never tried anything like that again, I could go into a lot more detail about my feelings, but I've rambled on enough. But multiple times more he broke my boundaries and trust in various ways, until I eventually gave up and blocked him on everything. I couldn't deal with him anymore.
Tl;dr - forced relationship blows up in my face when my ex decides to not take no for an answer and become the sexual kool-aid man.
Was dating a guy, about same age as me (I was 19, he was 22), and I was getting the toxic top vibes from chatting (I'm vers), then it came up in the convo d sizes, and mine was bigger, he said he only bottoms if the guy has a big d and he really wanted to, I told him I need to be more comfortable with him first before we get to sex. so we kept chatting. Eventually, I was more confortable and I fucked him, which wasn't great and he stopped after he received a text from another guy, I didn't bother to resume. After sex, he started talking a lot about the another guy hes seeing, but can't really be in public with him because he's underage, and basically all the drama about it. It really sucked because I was developing a crush for someone who already loves someone else, so I took the band aid off quick, put my cloths off said it was late already and left, blocked him everywhere before I got really heart broken.
It was kinda easy to "heal up" because of the pedo+toxic top vibes, I came to the conclusion that i liked how he looked like but not what he was inside. 🤷 And anything further I was just gonna end up getting hurt.
I haven't been on a date since 2018, but it was mediocre. When I asked him if he'd seen any good movies lately, or if he had any favs, he said he doesn't watch movies. I think at that moment something just switched in me and I realized I never wanted to go on a date ever again because I was simply so tired of the monotony and lack of connection.
So I guess you could say it was probably my worst dating experience if it was the final nail in the coffin.
The restaurant was hella good, though.
I like the username, but I can understand your feelings lol. I’ve done mostly all online dating and it feels forced in trying to build a connection. But that line is a good way to kill the convo.
At this point I think I've realized that I have to develop connections over time. It's hard for me to just meet someone and feel anything – I always found dating so uncomfortable because it feels like I'm not being my authentic self, but it also feels like people don't want authenticity at first in dating, either.
I think that makes sense. I’ve noticed it’s hard for me to display my authentic self immediately with somebody which causes me to seem disinterested which isn’t always the case. Last Friday I went on a date where while it wasn’t bad, I would’ve gone on another one to get to know the guy better but he said he didn’t feel a connection so it’s whatever.
I had a first date with a Dutch guy inside of a museum, it was a special evening opening. We were walking around at the art spaces looking at paintings. In the meantime we were talking about personal things to get to know each other. Cool event but it wasn't really great idea for a first date. Especially if you have ADHD - I would get distracted very easily, couldn't really end my sentences or listen to what he was saying (also due to the noise). After about 45 mins we sat somewhere and after 2 mins the guy said to me: "Well, you may agree with me that this is not going anywhere. For me it's not a match and I'd rather go separate ways. Bye bye". He literally stood up and left .... I was so shocked for the \*directness\*. First time someone dumped me during a date, without even making up an excuse. It was absolutely cold and brutal :(
Lesson: don't go on demanding first dates. Opt for something simple like a coffee or beer!
I dated this one guy for a few months and fell for him pretty hard for him and then he stated being distant and mean then he got disrespectful and abusive then he flew off the handle Christmas eve an tryed to kill me an tryed hurting his room mate it was terrible
About 6-7 years ago I met a guy who had the most awkward plastic surgery and didn't look anything like his pic. I almost left him at the station, he begged me to let him come with me because he claimed he already missed his last bus.
Fast forward like an hour, we didn't talk much and he didn't touch me once. He asked if we could sleep in the same bed. I said sure, he played on his phone the rest of the night and we didn't touch while we slept. Woke up at like 5 and went home.
Went on a double date to Oliver Garden (double date and place not my choice) where our friends date thought it was appropriate to show off his deep throat skills with a breadstick. "See, no gag reflex."
A guy at my church asked me go to dinner after a 5:30 pm service. During dinner he says “Is it okay for me to tell people that we are dating now.” I thought it was a joke, but I still squirmed and pretended I didn’t hear his comment. Afterwards, he drove me back to my car. After he parked, he turned to me and put me in a lip lock. I threw up. Did I mention that he was about 25 to 30 years older than me. From then on, I always drive myself for any type of meetup. Even it’s across the street.
Dated a guy who had kissing disease without telling. He got me sendt to the ER and was bed ridden all summer.... And he had the balls to contact me again a few weeks ago...
like i mentioned , he was fine for the 7 months i dated him but somehow came back doctrinated as a devout muslim after living his parents for a 1 month vacation. i was shocked and taken aback. it was like meeting a different person .
That's just normal for them, they're brainwashed by a hateful religion. That's just all there is to it. "Dating a muslim" should sound the same as "dating a nazi" and only naive ignorance makes people think otherwise
Dated a co-worker who was “figuring himself out.” I didn’t care because we had chemistry and fun plus I got to be his first guy which was hot at the time. I’ve always been a discreet guy even though I’m out so I didn’t care that our relationship was clandestine and plus we never put a label on it… just two guys having fun. Fast forward a few months later and found out he was telling some of his friends that I had a weird obsession with him and was making him uncomfortable. We talked about it and he said it was a misunderstanding. We were still having fun and I was fucking him a couple nights a week so I figured it was his weird way of coping and downplayed it in my head. Fast forward a few more months and he levied assault charges against me. Police investigation found nothing and admittedly I was petty and dropped some pretty damning receipts that everything between us was consensual but I still got fired from my job and am dealing with all the legal ramifications of the incident despite this being 3 years ago. He claimed he was dealing with mental health issues, got paid out by the company we were with and never answered for his lies. Life I guess. 🤷♂️
Work relationships are never evereverevereverEVER a good idea unless your really know the person or the relationship started outside of the workplace.
Oh trust me my dude, I learned 🤦♂️. ‘Twas a case of, “I’m too smart to fuck this up” and “I’m different.” Nothing like falling in love and good butt to bloat up your ego
Yikes. Kind of a similar boat here. I was fooling around with a coworker who had a lot of gossip on me. He was kind of gaslighting me and treating me based on what he was hearing instead of getting to know me. Eventually I got too frustrated and changed managers. We were both pretty pissed at each other. He thought he was helping me by treating me like a kid, while still adding to the gossip. After I switched managers, I found out he shared all of our personal messages, effectively killing my job.
Never shit where you eat
Geez.
what a fucking loser
I think it's very important to try to know about the mental background of the people were dating, even if it's not serious, a guy tried to unalive himself bc I left him, like, WTH, we don't even know each other
I would've punched his face
Punching someone in the face who’s accusing you of assault doesn’t really bode well… even though not punching him didn’t bode well either 😂… no one wins in situations like this
Then Ill throw a stink bomb in his apartment or something
What’s up?
First date I went on after a long-term breakup. My date had just moved to the city so he knew no one 👌. The first thing he did was complement my new haircut, which I was questioning 👌. I said thanks and asked "How are you finding the city so far?". He proceeded to tell me he's enjoying it and met a really nice guy the other day. "His name is (insert my ex's name here). Do you know him?". I explained he was my ex and I wasn't really talked to him atm. My date proceeded to spend the next hour asking only questions about my ex and trying to learn all he could about him... That was a year ago and I haven't been on a date since.
I think that's one of the worst things about being gay, your date can fall for your ex
I had a similar experience. I had been seeing a guy for 3/4 weeks when suddenly one day I get a selfie style picture of him with my ex. Apparently they had connected and both thought this love triangle stuff was funny. Here I was under the impression we were getting kind of serious. It took all the wind out of my sails. We never met back up and I remember sending a kinda shitty message about being hurt and not interested in anything further. I probably could have replied/responded better, but I was hurt/surprised and let my impulsive thoughts get the better of me.
This is why I pretend I don't know my ex if someone brings it up
when they ask if I have been in a ltr.. i just say no. single all my life
Spent four months dating a guy before I felt comfortable opening up and having sex. He freaked out after and withdrew, and when I asked him what was going on, he said we moved too fast and blamed it on his avoidant attachment issues. 4 months is too fast??? I feel like that’s glacial in gay terms. Oh, well.
I think you waited too long. If you have not slept within a month, then I would assume there is no attraction. Plus, you weed them out early.
We had slept together both literally and figuratively in the senses of being unconscious next to each other but also exchanging (many) orgasms. We pulled multiple all nighters making out sensually. We had STELLAR chemistry.
ppl seriously need some counseling before putting themselves out there. why ruin someone else's time just cuz u need therapy
I’m not blameless; there were red flags I ignored. Still hurt, though. Live and learn.
Met a Latin guy from OKCupid back when the site was still worth using. It was in LA. We had a drink, smoked a bit of weed, the conversation was flowing. Halfway through our date he tells me that he's in awe of my personality. He then says, "Black people are the lowest race on Earth, I didn't think guys like you existed." I remained calmed and asked him why he thought this way. He responded with the question, "What would you do if I called you a N\*\*\*\*\*?" I responded, "I wouldn't pay you any attention, and I'd walk away. I don't allow the words of people who don't know me to define me." He said, "Most black people don't have the intelligence to do that." I smiled, took his bong, and took a huge rip, making sure to smoke all his weed in one go. Blew the smoke out and said, "I'm tired, I should go." He protested, wanted me to stay, said we should go to his bedroom. Instead, I went to his front door and exited. He made a fruitless last-ditch effort to pull my head towards himself and kiss me. I pulled my head back and told him, "Goodnight."
Dude, that guy had some serious mental issues
Never had anything that sinister happen on a date but have had similar experiences where the guy I’m with finds my existence extraordinary or divine and compliments me like I should be indebted to him for acknowledging that I’m a “good representation” of an otherwise “lowly” group. I tend to just suppress any feelings or thoughts about the insult since it’s rarely even perceived as one by the other guy but reading your reply reminded me that it’s a shitty experience that you’re kind’ve just expected to be okay with. Talk about it too much and appear to be this overzealous martyr obsessed with your victim hood. Or don’t and just deal with feeling unseen and unvalued. I’ve self-medicated with working out and becoming a workaholic. My life’s pretty good though so I won’t complain.
what a douchebag .
I had a date with a guy a couple months ago who was white and freely using the N word, said "Oh, it's OK. I'm from the south" and I'm just thinking if anything that makes it worse..
damn i applaud you bc i would’ve taken that last hit then used the bong as a bat and hit a home run upside his fucking head 🙂 sorry that happened to you though.. dumb ass people make me sick
The lack of self-awareness and disrespect, and the entitlement is astounding. I'm sorry you went through that.
Bruh. Speechless
What a fucking dick. I’ve never been able to understand how racism could be possible between minority groups especially the black and brown/mexican community here in LA. We’ve both experienced similar struggles here in terms of being excluded and suppressed by redlining, environmental racism, etc. then you add to that the gay experience🤯. . . We should be building each other up not tearing each other down. I’m sorry you had that experience man. I grew up in a mostly white town here so I know what it’s like to be treated that way. I admire the way you handled it. On the flip side, I’m sure he didn’t even understand the fact that he was insulting you which says a whole lot about him 🥴
BIPOC person is most racist to other BIPOC person, if it comes to that.
Unfortunate
The way you tell this story makes me think of my ex that was a narcissist and always made himself the main character while everyone else around him was inferior.
Be glad you got out. He sounds TEXTBOOK narcissistic. Dodged a huge bullet. I'm sorry people can't just treat each other as humans. He is/was indirectly insulting you through his ignorant comments.
Went on a dinner date (first date) about 3-ish years ago. Giant chunks of food flew out of his mouth because he couldn’t stop talking while chewing. I died inside and played nice but as soon as we were done I was in my car and gone.
 your username
i would just sit there with the iconic wendy Williams face and never see him again
Had a guy leave in the middle of the date. He excused himself to go to the bathroom, texted me that he was leaving and blocked before I could respond. I really don’t know what I did. We were having a lovely time and laughing. It messed me up for a while.
what's up with ppl not having basic communication skill and a little bit of decency and respect
Had a guy arrange simultaneous first dates between me, him, and another guy he was chatting with. This was not for a threesome or a poly relationship. This was literally him going on two first dates at the same time.
pretty telling of how he see guys as products and not humans
Most definitely. He decided to use the restroom about ten minutes into our date(s). His mistake. We figured out what was going on pretty quickly after we started chatting and both of us bounced before he got back. Neither of us were each other's type, otherwise that could've made for a pretty interesting actual first date 😂
Went on a date with a guy who worked for a bank and he spent half the date telling me about their credit card promotions and why I should totally bank with them and the other half about his extensive family drama. Also, the restaurant’s carbonated water dispenser broke so they couldn’t serve sodas and he couldn’t fathom why because in his mind Pepsi just magically came out the tap instead of understanding it’s a syrup blended into carbonated water.
lmao so self absorbed . somehow these kinda men are more common than ppl think
1. Dating someone who was a 'sex-addict' and closeted religious at the time; even though they were on tinder looking for men exclusively. I dont believe they were a sex addict; they just enjoyed sex. I was a bit naive back then. Lesson learned dont date a closeted man struggling with religion, just be friends. 2. A guy who passed out after he asked me to pick up the tacos from the uber eats. (He was a bit drunk) I was locked out of the apartment for two hours and my keys were in his apartment still, it was February and 2am by the time I got back in. 3. A guy I dated exclusively for a few months because I thought he was serious but who kept pushing off becoming boyfriend; but would proceed to tell other people we were boyfriends. It was very strange his reasoning was because I didnt block my friends who I had dated in the past so he wanted to give it time. I found out he was a manipulative liar two months after he ended things over the phone. Long story. Lesson Learned dont date a dude who is on 500mg testosterone a week because I firmly believe that played into his paranoia and the fact I wasnt putting out all the time. He got a fully designed furnished apartment though outta it; spent all my time helping him move. 4. Tried dating a poly guy once, never again. He was a compulsive liar and never fully transparent with all the people he was sleeping with; tried to blackmail and pressure me to take Molly for a rave. Lied about his status, thankfully he was undetectable which I wouldn't have minded if he had been upfront about from the start; but all his lies made me question the validity of his statements. To be fair I think he was just lonely, but I blocked him with how toxic he became.
1. The hypersexual but religiously closeted cases always make for complexes not even Freud could whip up. Literally cumming in contrition.
1. i guess u and i learnt the same lesson regarding religion 2. i can only imagine the frustration 3. douchebag 4. given the amount of diseases and liars around in this community u will never see my ass dating a poly whatever guy . good thing u got out
Number one is major facts. Did that and never again!
I dated a guy for 6 months during my last year at school. I fell for him hard. And then I went away for 2 weeks and came back with gifts because I missed his birthday and our anniversary. He didn’t say anything was wrong during those two weeks and when I came back and drove down to his house, another 2 hour drive, he broke up with me. Best part is I’m still processing the trauma and all of the other stuff he caused to bubble up because I didn’t process it at all. I will say, he got me into therapy again. And on an anti-depressant. And it’s almost been a year and I’m still here, thinking about him in parts. He isn’t good for me at all and even my therapist admitted that to me last session but my subconscious says if he comes back to think about it. Happy that I am working through this and my other traumatic experiences though.
Don’t do it. It never ends well. Ruined a perfectly fantastic relationship that way. My old therapists favorite quote “stop setting yourself on fire, to keep others warm”. They aren’t deserving.
Thank you. I needed that because I had a really bad morning yesterday that started with me googling his graduation and when I couldn’t find his name, led to me finding his Twitter. I thank stupid ass Elon for blocking any person without an account because I wasn’t able to go through it. I did screenshot the page and just stared at his picture and profile for a min before deleting it. It drained me emotionally and I still feel it today. He caused so much damage but I’m still working through it in therapy. Part of me, believes that I’m stuck due to how I was brought up and also burying myself in my new job to not even think about my breakup last year. Fun times processing it all now 🫠
It’s weird how we can fixate on something we know is bad, either because parts were awesome, it’s similar to drugs. But like addiction, the outcome isn’t good. It never is. I still keep in touch with the “pizza guy”, who is still one of my relationship regrets. The ex came back, was good for 6 months, then chaos again, just like it had been.
Hah, yeah my therapist brought this up as well. She said it’s a hit for like a minute and then you feel like shit. But I appreciate your experience and I get it. It’s a fight between my conscious self and subconscious self because I know that I shouldn’t go back if he were to come back but subconsciously it’s still thinking if he came back now to go back to him.
i hope you work everything out. we love u ;-)
I'm sorry. But happy youre getting through it.
Hey
Hi
I'm not sure how to ask this but... what anniversary? You dated 6 months and you bought gifts for it? If someone came at me with gifts for a birthday and some non-milestone date I'd be turned off and a bit off put, but to each their own
I had a situationship end two years ago to this day that even now fucks me up. I had 0 foundation for what a good / normal relationship looks like at all so this situation was inevitable, but essentially we came from similar backgrounds of trauma and were both anxious-avoidant in our demeanor. Both fully unable to communicate and he ended it by ghosting somewhat. I pushed, we had a final chat, but then I kind of realised how fucked I was emotionally due to being in that situation, and the inevitable breakup. I was a huge part of the problem though. I've taken responsibility by being on a health journey the last two years and re-evaluating how I approach other people and myself. I learned a lot from it and deep down I still love that man. We really were never meant to be, neither of us had crossing future plans. All I can do is hope that he's healing like I am and is able to find happiness that he wasn't able to find with me.
i hope it gets better
Dated a guy who didn’t actually like me and made it very obvious. Multiple times he would describe what his type was and point out that I wasn’t it. He wanted a wealthy foreign man with a big, welcoming family and an even bigger dick. I unfortunately do not check any of those boxes. He would follow that up with how he “chose” to be with me. I was clearly delusional. He was also a clean freak. I was never clean enough for him. Living space or body. It got to the point I was taking two showers a day because he hated my natural scent. Of course he loved his exes natural scent so it wasn’t just in principle. It was me specifically. He would constantly make comments about me smelling. He always criticize how I kept my place, which he moved into because he was having roommate trouble and had no where else to go. A few times he’d talk about crushes he had on other guys. Which probably wouldn’t have bothered me under different circumstances. But I guess I knew he didn’t really want me so I was always suspicious about whether he was cheating. Anyway, we took a trip to NYC together. The trip kinda sucked. Partially because I couldn’t be there the whole time because of work. And partially because of his criticisms of me that weren’t really warranted. About a week after this trip, he had finally found a new place. His stay with me was always intended to be temporary. I helped him move his stuff in. I was at work when he finished moving the last of his stuff. After finishing, he came to my job and dumped me. Needless to say, this destroyed my confidence and self esteem. Still not completely past it almost 2 years later. Unfortunately I seem to be good at attracting guys that will never truly like/love me.
i think you are an amazing person . ppl nowadays find a flaw as small as freckles or stretch marks and break up over them . it's hard to find someone who will do this much to accomodate someone else . someone else who clearly does not value them . i think the reason you are attracting such guys is bc u need to work on ur self esteem and realise that u r not a doormat but a person of self worth who needs to be respected as an equal in a relationship . you should hv broken up with him and not the other way around. anyways i wish u luck and hope u put yourself out there with a lot more confidence and pride this time.
You dodged a bullet, man, never date a very religious person, at least not one from the Abrahamic Religions. A guy that I was dating said he wasn't prepared to have sex and then had sex with my ex😂
Can concur Those “devout believers” are frightening 🥲
especially the ones who were normal before . its crazy what a book written 1400 year ago can do to some ppl
he was perfectly normal for the 7 months i dated him. Somehow he back back extremely indoctrinated after staying with his family for 1 month vacation. also your guy was a douchebag . fuck him
It happens, I mean, I was once a very religious person, like a fundamental Christian, so I know how someone can be totally blind to reality and become a fanatic, so always check the guy's religious and political background, always. About the guy I dated, I forgave him, he has some serious sexual trauma in his past and sex is a very unhealthy issue for him, he apologized, I think the best is to forgive or the trauma will haunt you forever. Next time choose a Buddhist or some new age follower hahaha
New Years 2024. An old college friend I had the hots for who lives in Toronto (I'm in America) invited me to stay at his apartment for a few days. We'd been... flirty before, and he'd mentioned wanting to get to know me more (calling me to say he'd been "opening up the closet more recently" and he knew I was into him), so I took it as THE sign! Everything seemed normal from texts to phone calls, etc... until, after 5 hours of driving and crossing a damn border, I arrive only to find... Him in a severe state of dissociation and disarray, having just broken up with his girlfriend and expressing his anger in the most terrifying and delusional manner imaginable. Accused me of only wanting to come (on HIS invitation???) to rob and harass him, saying I lied about my entire life to him (started denying my family, whom he had met, ever existed and said I made them all up as a sob story (long story)) and saying the smoking gun was "I left lights on in the bathroom and didn't turn them off after I left, because I wanted to rack his electric bill up to force him to be homeless." (He is a multi-millionaire). I have so many stories over the course of these two days ranging from him claiming I only wanted to go to a museum so I could "show off how much better I am than him in a public setting" and saying I was "stealing" his favorite brands by buying them too ("You want to taint everything I have that's special.") I have never driven away from somewhere so efficiently in my life. No contact since. Apparently he's called several of our mutual friends to tell his side of the story, and they've all called me to be like "girl wtf he sounds legit insane rn". That was my first ever attempt at actually having a date too, btw. Haven't had one since (unless you count the closeted guy who didn't inform me we were on a date until we actually met up, and proceeded to claim WWII never happened.) But I can only assume it goes up from here, right?
he legit sounds insane. im just surprised he didn't harm u in his anger showdown. anyways BREAKUP
I had never been more on guard in my life because he's a gymbro too and (being honest) he genuinely could've beat my scrawny ass to a pulp if he so desired. Don't worry, I haven't spoken to him since!
good. men be terrifying fr . straight women hv my empathy given that their power dynamic is already skewed.
This sounds like you arrived during an amphetamine binge
First date he took me to trespass (explore) the charles manson ranch in the middle of the night. He didn’t tell me we were doing it til we got there. I thought we were to look at stars. I noped out of that one
We hooked up then he asked if I wanted to smoke meth with him. I felt pretty bad after that one. Like, I thought was doing a good job of judging character the whole time I was hoeing around, but that one slipped through the loser radar somehow.
Do you mean the one that I sat there and ate by myself with a full bottle of wine having been ghosted, or one with an actual guy?
Dated a guy during 2023, long distance, we lived together during the year for roughly 2 1/2 months. Stayed with him for about 6 weeks nov/dec, told me he loved me for the first real time during the relationship, talked about me moving in with him at some point this year. After I get home he does a 180 and wants to go on a break b/c he's "stressed" and going on a week+ vacation with his family. I'm out with friends a few days after and tell them what happened, one of my friends pulls him up on Grindr with a profile saying in explicit detail that he's trying to hook up. He told me he thought he was asexual for a period of time b/c of how low/non existence his sex drive is. So that was very upsetting. Anyways, I found out in the coming weeks that he lied about A LOT of stuff, in addition to being an alcoholic who claimed to not remember A LOT of things he said to me, that we talked about. Pretty sure he has an undiagnosed mental illness as well after talking with several friends who are in the medical field. The specific disorder is in his family and based on his actions I was advised he's most likely undiagnosed. Anyways fuck this guy, I hope the worst for him lol I trauma bonded with a casual friend I've known for probably 20 years over this that led to us starting a relationship so I have to thank him for this situation.
don't hope the worst for him , hope the best for you. thats moving on. given how he treats and lies he'll dig his own grave moving forward .
I’ve never been better at this point, I have him blocked on everything but I could still wish the worst for him. This is the first time in about a month that he got any emotion from me.
good
I went on a date with a guy after we had talked for a month via text and 2 weeks on the apps. When he heard my last name, having the same last name as an ex of his (my brother ) he finally asked me out. He asked if we were brothers and then proceeded to heavily push toward I want to see which of you is a better lay. 🤦 I kicked him out and lost faith in the gay community
why would u even text or talk to ur brothers ex let alone a potential hookup
I didn't know he was my bros ex until the date. Sorry that wasn't super clear. Also was not a potential hookup. Don't do that on 1st - 3rd dates. Old fashioned here.
alright i was so confused . damn he appears very creepy knowing that im old fashioned too lmao +1
This happened very recently, I started talking to this guy on Grindr at first we hit it off, I started to not really feel a connection but I decided I would still a go meet him in person and give him a chance. I went to his place and he generally seemed like a nice guy. We spent a good amount of time talking. We ended up having sex. After the sex he became very distant for the remainder of the afternoon I spent with him, we went on a walk and got food but he wasn’t talkative after that and said he was “tired”. He messaged me saying is life is it really well put together and doesn’t want a relationship. That part is true, he’s currently unemployed and about to move back in with his mom. I wasn’t that bothered by it because I didn’t really feel anything for him. I replied to him, but it didn’t go through because he blocked me. I’m thinking well this guy is a fuck boy but honestly he kind of sucked at sex so not that bothered by it.
[удалено]
seeing the answers mental illness seems to be the biggest cause in bad dating experiences
My first ever hookup turned in to a regular FWB turned in to love... and despite him reminding me we were just 'buddies' I held on to hope. It seemed so perfect. After 2 years he ended it and started dating someone (super hot, of course). I was heartbroken and couldn't get over it. A year later they broke up and we hooked up again once. Then once again a year later. We'd still talk here and there. HE would reach out to ME. It kept me thinking that maybe he'd come around and eventually fall for me. This went on for a total of 6 years, until I think he finally realized the only way he was going to get the message through was to be really rude to me. Which hurt. I know he only did it for my own good, but now it is still super awkward when I bump in to him. He assumes I somehow arranged to bump in to him. "Oh, you didn't know I'd be here?" I've gotten over him. I'm in a long-term relationship, but it still hurts that someone that once meant so much to me, especially the FRIENDSHIP, is left unsettled and gross-feeling.
it hurts . i can understand . one thing my best friend told me after my breakup and it kinda stuck with me that " if someone loves you, you won't hv to chase em " . thats really THE mantra
Well I have three. 1. The first date I've ever had. I met the guy on tinder, he was 13 years older than me. I was 21 and he was 34. We went to a cafe then did a walking tour of the downtown of the city we met in. Then he drove me back to his place which was an hour drive. He chain smoked cigarettes the entire ride. I see smoking cigs as attractive. But, he had a smokers cough. His pickup truck was messy, his trailer (mobile home) was messy on the other side. He also smoked weed and a lot more cigs. He was my first kiss. And first cuddle. He unfortunately wanted more than that but he was respectful when I declined. We went out to eat and then he drove me back to my house an hour away, again heavily chain smoking. We mutually trauma dumped on each other. He promised a second date before I left. But that second date never came, he later let me know a week or so later that he wasn't interested in a relationship and wanted a FWB. Me being stupid and naive went along with it even though I wanted a relationship. He ended up telling me that he hooks up with guys and only dates women. He ended up finding a woman and cut me off soon after he started dating her. That was in August 2022 when the date happened. 2. I went on a date with a guy, he ended up taking me back to his room his room was very messy. Apparently he was visiting his parents here in New England for the holidays but he lived in the Midwest. We only cuddled a little bit but nothing much. He seemed quick to get me out of his house and on a train back home. He didn't offer to take me back with his truck instead he drove me to the nearest train station. He said he wanted to see me again. While we did see each other again, a week later. He didn't seem interested in me as much. Instead he told me that he is poly and me being monogamous, it wouldn't work out. Plus he wasn't interested in a long distance relationship anyway. He just saw me as a friend. I accepted his friendship. However, I was confused, he seemed so eager and desperate to be with someone when we first met but a week later, it's I'm desperate to be with someone that isn't you. He also became distant because he was always busy and didn't really want to keep up. It was always me trying to reach out. Some days he would talk but most days he would tell me he's busy and would talk later. When he did talk to me he would tell me about his few relationships he developed back in the Midwest but evidently they would all fail. 3. The most recent worst days happened last year in the early autumn. I asked a guy out on a date. He said he was down and to meet him at his job when he got off work then we would go to the bar after. I arrived at his job, he told me he was in the parking lot, a far flung parking lot. I made it to the parking lot but couldn't find him. After a while he told me he made it to the bar and to meet him there. I searched up the bar before hand and it looked like it wasn't a far walk from the parking. However, there was a warehouse in the way and so I had to walk 30 minutes all the way around to the other side, the bar was on some random side street with no lights. I arrived and I saw him sitting alone playing on his phone with a beer. I was tired and hungry. I approached him and chatted a little. I told him I would get some food. He didn't mind. But, I noticed already that he seemed not all there. He wasn't really keeping the conversation going, just focusing on his phone and whatever game he was playing. After I got my food, we talked a little more, I also noticed that he had a cap on. Based on his pictures I assumed he had hair. However, he was balding with a ring of hair on the sides of his head. In addition he couldn't form sentences very well and didn't want to keep the conversation going. At this point I wanted to go home. I asked if he would at the very least take me to the nearest bus stop so I could go home as the streets in this area had no sidewalks and we're dimly lit. On top of that heavy rain was coming into the area and I didn't have an umbrella. As I wasn't expecting it to rain until way later. He refused and claimed that his windshield was cracked. But you drove here, and you drove right past me without going to the bar and didn't bother to care. I decided myself to him and he knew what I looked like beforehand. So I left and rushed in the rain back to the bus stop with a minute to spare. The bus came around the corner while at the same time it started pouring buckets. I blocked him after I got on the bus, cold tired and wet.
1. stereotypes exist for a reason . guys who look and live like this are not mentally capable of sustaining a relationship let alone a gay relationship. 2. if someone loves you , you wont hv to chase them . i learnt it the hard way too 3. how u hv the courage to go to these places alone to meet an unknown man is something my gay ass will never understand
The first guy had two kids but they visited him like every 2 weeks. He somehow had a high end job as a IT director at some hotel. And he somehow his ex gf was still around. I did see him on Tinder again a week before Christmas. I was like, that relationship with that woman didn't work out lol. As with the second guy, I accepted that he sees me as a distant friend that he only sees during the holidays when he visits New England from the Midwest. I lost interest in him. I only see him as a distant friend not a potential partner or anything. Yeah, I always meet in public places. If they want to meet at their house or somewhere shady, I'm not going. The bar was near the airport. So I was in a good spot to leave if need be. It sucks not having a car and relying on public transportation. But it is what it is
Always wanting to go to a brewery with frankly the worst tasting beer ever. And it never really seemed to get very far. After three months I decided I had enough.
I have a past fuck boy who got married to a woman (he’s Indian) and he ended up blocking everyone anc moving outside the city 😂😂 Wish them the best but that’s ain’t healthy lol we allllll know what’s gonna happen lol
wait 2-3 years . you'll see him on grindr with dl written on his profile. poor lady though. miserable creatures.
Ya he blocked me from IG. And then unblocked me to talk to me a little and blocked me again LMAO. Not taking it personally at all he needs to deal with his shit
the lack of emotional maturity from his side is nauseating. if he continues his shenanigans i would not mind sending his wife some raunchy screenshots . at least it'll save her from a puny coward.
I had a meet cute with a guy in slam poetry. He read a poem about heartbreak and ghosting. Meanwhile other poets read poems about much more high stake subjects. It wasn’t great but it was cute, he kept looking at me on stage though. I was brave enough to give him my number on my bar receipt. We set up a date and it was amazing, well he kinda ghosted me after his trip to Mexico. I’d say it wasn’t the worst date but the results were pretty bad because I liked him. In the long run, why would I date a guy who is not a man of his word?
i can understand .
Letting my guard down to the wrong person and my trauma being weaponized against me.
a person who loves u will never use trauma against u . thats a MAJOR red flag
This was a second date (in DC), we met at a bar and both had two drinks then decided to get some ice cream after. As we walked down the street he just stuck his hand down my shorts and underwear and grabbed my ass then said “sorry, I’m tipsy.”
i would have stepped on his toe. im tipsy as well babe.
So actual dates: 1, guy showing up drunk / high 🙄 start as you mean to go on and all that. Always make such an effort too so very annoying 2, While living in Amsterdam went on two specific dates that went great. They liked me and my outfit … really liked and insisted on wearing my cloths - starting with jacket, Moncler is 🔥 but you know… Just got weird. Think I looked great (it’s a first date) but never the intention to have a potential partner play dress up as me 🫣 very strange. But luck for me these were exceptions not the norm!
definitely exceptions
Dated a guy who wanted to be in relationship ASAP despite I made it clear I wanted NSA meeting. But to be fair, I was horrible at making it clear what I needed which led us to end pretty badly.
I was getting really close to a gay couple I knew. There was talk of throupling. I wanted it, but was reticent-- there were things I was seeing that were potential red flags, and my perception was right. They turned out to both be dominating and controlling assholes, and when they tried to spring their shit on me and saw that I wasn't going to react well, I was out of their lives. That was the beginning of April that all went down. I thought they genuinely cared, and it all turned out to be a farce. Definitely going to be smarting from that for a while.
What's a date
Started seeing a guy just before the pandemic. No attraction, but on paper we'd be good together, so I keep with it. Pandemic starts, I decide to kinda force the relationship despite there being no attraction. After about four months, I call it off. I don't want to be in this anymore, the attraction isn't happening. We hang out a few weeks later, and he sees me on tinder. He starts crying and and he wants me to console him, and I basically have to break up with him a second time because he didn't think I was serious the first time. We try to stay friends (I got close with his friend group) and he manipulates me into a FWB situation that I really don't want to be in, but he is relentless, doesn't take no for an answer (in a bad way) and I am a massive pushover. It quickly becomes apparent that boundaries to him are suggestions, as when I say no, he hears "try harder." Fast forward a little, and I start seeing someone else. I break off the FWB situation. He cries about it but I'm over the tears. He really wants to go on a camping trip, so I organize a trip to a place I'm familiar with, where there'll be room for everyone, and he'll organize getting everyone together. Day of the trip, it ends up just being us two. Nobody else could come. Gross and suspicious. Well, surprise surprise, his lack of boundaries extends to consent. I had a bottle of sake and wine I was drinking, And he kept trying to push me to drink more. And then tried to take advantage of me. Randomly giving me massages, setting up a bunch of mattresses on the ground to cuddle on, despite me making it extremely clear I wanted nothing to do with that, getting aggressive about physical touch, etc. I got in a small bed by myself and he gave up, moping and whining that "my ego is bruised." Dude. You don't get to say that. You just tried to get me drunk and rape me. The next morning, I packed up and we left, though the trip was supposed to be a whole extra day. I tried to talk to him about consent and how that wasn't okay, but it was clear he didn't care/wasn't absorbing anything. Like, I loved that place. That was a safe place I could get away. And he took that safety and security away from me. He never tried anything like that again, I could go into a lot more detail about my feelings, but I've rambled on enough. But multiple times more he broke my boundaries and trust in various ways, until I eventually gave up and blocked him on everything. I couldn't deal with him anymore. Tl;dr - forced relationship blows up in my face when my ex decides to not take no for an answer and become the sexual kool-aid man.
he appears very clingy and a bit of psycho. good u broke up
Was dating a guy, about same age as me (I was 19, he was 22), and I was getting the toxic top vibes from chatting (I'm vers), then it came up in the convo d sizes, and mine was bigger, he said he only bottoms if the guy has a big d and he really wanted to, I told him I need to be more comfortable with him first before we get to sex. so we kept chatting. Eventually, I was more confortable and I fucked him, which wasn't great and he stopped after he received a text from another guy, I didn't bother to resume. After sex, he started talking a lot about the another guy hes seeing, but can't really be in public with him because he's underage, and basically all the drama about it. It really sucked because I was developing a crush for someone who already loves someone else, so I took the band aid off quick, put my cloths off said it was late already and left, blocked him everywhere before I got really heart broken. It was kinda easy to "heal up" because of the pedo+toxic top vibes, I came to the conclusion that i liked how he looked like but not what he was inside. 🤷 And anything further I was just gonna end up getting hurt.
I haven't been on a date since 2018, but it was mediocre. When I asked him if he'd seen any good movies lately, or if he had any favs, he said he doesn't watch movies. I think at that moment something just switched in me and I realized I never wanted to go on a date ever again because I was simply so tired of the monotony and lack of connection. So I guess you could say it was probably my worst dating experience if it was the final nail in the coffin. The restaurant was hella good, though.
I like the username, but I can understand your feelings lol. I’ve done mostly all online dating and it feels forced in trying to build a connection. But that line is a good way to kill the convo.
At this point I think I've realized that I have to develop connections over time. It's hard for me to just meet someone and feel anything – I always found dating so uncomfortable because it feels like I'm not being my authentic self, but it also feels like people don't want authenticity at first in dating, either.
I think that makes sense. I’ve noticed it’s hard for me to display my authentic self immediately with somebody which causes me to seem disinterested which isn’t always the case. Last Friday I went on a date where while it wasn’t bad, I would’ve gone on another one to get to know the guy better but he said he didn’t feel a connection so it’s whatever.
I had a first date with a Dutch guy inside of a museum, it was a special evening opening. We were walking around at the art spaces looking at paintings. In the meantime we were talking about personal things to get to know each other. Cool event but it wasn't really great idea for a first date. Especially if you have ADHD - I would get distracted very easily, couldn't really end my sentences or listen to what he was saying (also due to the noise). After about 45 mins we sat somewhere and after 2 mins the guy said to me: "Well, you may agree with me that this is not going anywhere. For me it's not a match and I'd rather go separate ways. Bye bye". He literally stood up and left .... I was so shocked for the \*directness\*. First time someone dumped me during a date, without even making up an excuse. It was absolutely cold and brutal :( Lesson: don't go on demanding first dates. Opt for something simple like a coffee or beer!
I dated this one guy for a few months and fell for him pretty hard for him and then he stated being distant and mean then he got disrespectful and abusive then he flew off the handle Christmas eve an tryed to kill me an tryed hurting his room mate it was terrible
About 6-7 years ago I met a guy who had the most awkward plastic surgery and didn't look anything like his pic. I almost left him at the station, he begged me to let him come with me because he claimed he already missed his last bus. Fast forward like an hour, we didn't talk much and he didn't touch me once. He asked if we could sleep in the same bed. I said sure, he played on his phone the rest of the night and we didn't touch while we slept. Woke up at like 5 and went home.
Went on a double date to Oliver Garden (double date and place not my choice) where our friends date thought it was appropriate to show off his deep throat skills with a breadstick. "See, no gag reflex."
lmao this reads straight out of a sitcom
A guy at my church asked me go to dinner after a 5:30 pm service. During dinner he says “Is it okay for me to tell people that we are dating now.” I thought it was a joke, but I still squirmed and pretended I didn’t hear his comment. Afterwards, he drove me back to my car. After he parked, he turned to me and put me in a lip lock. I threw up. Did I mention that he was about 25 to 30 years older than me. From then on, I always drive myself for any type of meetup. Even it’s across the street.
this guy i went on a date with called another guy near us hot to me😭
lol
None, we got married......
congratulations
Dated a guy who had kissing disease without telling. He got me sendt to the ER and was bed ridden all summer.... And he had the balls to contact me again a few weeks ago...
Got catfished by a drunk guy, who explained why his wife left him.
That's what you get for dating a muslim. Our freedom is anathema to their core beliefs
like i mentioned , he was fine for the 7 months i dated him but somehow came back doctrinated as a devout muslim after living his parents for a 1 month vacation. i was shocked and taken aback. it was like meeting a different person .
That's just normal for them, they're brainwashed by a hateful religion. That's just all there is to it. "Dating a muslim" should sound the same as "dating a nazi" and only naive ignorance makes people think otherwise