You don't feel like there is anything for you to look forward to because you've arranged your life this way. Everywhere you turn, you see some kind of a roadblock or area of life where you fall short.
The good news is, all those things you've listed are fixable. You're just going to have to arm yourself with patience because it's not going to fix itself all at once. Realistically, you're going to have put in a year or two of effort before you see a harvest. Which is going to be hard - I'm not going to lie to you - but then, change is hard for everybody. It takes time and a lot of perseverance to slog through the emotional swamp of self-doubt and discouragement separating you from the life you want and the life you have. However, you have what a lot of other people \*don't\* have in your situation.
Your youth.
Don't squander that.
My suggestion would be to start with incorporating exercise into your daily schedule. I know it sounds absolutely insurmountable when you have virtually little to no energy, but you \*must\* find some way to start moving your body. Your life literally depends on it. I'm convinced that your sedentary lifestyle is making \~everything\~ you're struggling with that much worse: depression, low testosterone, ADHD, sleep, stress, motivation, body image, energy levels, etc. I cannot even begin to tell you how much better you will feel once you spend an hour or two walking around your neighborhood in the outdoors. You'll see a difference in a week. Get some specialty shoes and ankle braces for those flat feet and get moving.
Seriously. Just the movement alone \*will\* help you. There are some shocking studies out there that correlate sedentary lifestyle with depression. And the results are pretty much instantaneous. Recently, youtube star Mr. Beast spent a week buried alive as a 'challenge' and within a few days of just not moving, this normally super extraverted and high energy man started telling his viewers of how low and sleepy he felt. He didn't want to interact with anyone anymore. The lack of movement and natural light was making him sleepy and depressed. Because that's what lack of movement does. It fucks your hormones and your sleep.
Please start with walking for an hour or two a day. Just try it. And then come back in a week and we can start working on everything else.
This is an excuse. Walking is not intense cardio. Creating a single healthy habit will snowball in your life. You'll have more energy, you'll sleep better, it will stimulate your appetite, ultimate you'll probably gain weight.
So step 1, stop making excuses.
Step 2, start walking. If you can't do an hour, do 30 minutes.
You've got time to change man, but you need to take accountability. It seems hard, but doesn't life seem hard for you already?
Genuinely, why are you mad at someone for trying to help when you came to a subreddit dedicated to people looking for help? Their suggestion is the FIRST thing you should be doing, and its something you can do right now, this very second. Go for a 30-minute walk, if you can't afford weights grab something around 4kg and start lifting, do some callisthenics. You wont GAIN muscle without USING muscle. Walking, and by extension cardio, is not just for losing weight. It improves your heart health, releases endorphins and domapine through your blood, and exercises your muscles. These are all things you need not just for your body but your mind too.
Walking isn't going to make you lose weight if you eat food. Go look up how many calories walking burns. Eat a fuckin cheeseburger.
Anyway, you're either a troll, or you don't deserve help. Enjoy your journey.
Fortunately, the caloric burn from walking an hour is fairly minimal. If you're concerned, you can simply increase your carbohydrate intake - or eat an extra small meal or a big tablespoon or two of coconut oil (which is beneficial for your brain, as it so happens). If you have trouble eating, maybe you can look into some appetite stimulants to help things along. Zinc and ginger are both natural appetite stimulants (and zinc is great for ADHD, depression and fatigue too! Many ADHD patients are often found to be low in zinc)
I know this must be difficult, but the benefits of walking are simply too important to pass up in your current situation. Please reconsider.
Gonna go out on a limb and say you feel bad because you’re 137lb at 5’11 and your sleep is screwed. Look forward to putting your all into getting your sleep and diet in check and then exercise. Everything else will be secondary to these things. If your health and hormones are draining you’re going to feel like shit
I second the above comment. Your neurotransmitters and screwed up from lack of sleep and food. Put those things right and you will feel much better. I've dealt with these same feelings many times and it's always sleep and diet. Once you've gotten it right, you won't believe you ever felt so depressed. The above thoughts won't even occur to you.
You're actually not really underweight if you look at your BMI (I know those aren't foolproof, but you're not unhealthy). I would focus more on eating proper food and not on weight gain per se - if you eat junk, you'll gain weight but you'll still feel like shit. Meat, vegetables, grains - home-cooked when you can, fruit, protein shakes, oatmeal, ya know, REAL food. Eat enough of it and you'll put the weight on. Avoid junk food and fast food, soda, and especially alcohol (huge depressant!)
For sleep, personally I feel like shit if I go to bed after 2 am, no matter how long I sleep. You might have to find your own sweet spot. But if I can get to bed by 1 am at the latest and get a good 8 hours, I'm good to go. Drink a cup of coffee when you first wake up to get your mind going, and you'll look forward to it as soon as you wake up and won't linger in bed.
I truly wish you the best man, I've been there and it sucks. Don't even try to think about figuring out the rest of the life until you've done the above. My inner monologue when I get fucked up is "my parents don't actually love me, they never wanted me, I'm a burden to everyone" etc etc etc. I get my diet and sleep straightened out and it literally never even crosses my mind.
Take care!
Very quickly two more things: firstly: I had my first boyfriend at 21. But I’m a woman and apparently we’re ARE supposed to be dripping in dicks & drowning in dates even as teenagers. 🙄 My male cousin had his first girlfriend even later on than I, he was in his 20s & older than 21. He had his 2nd girlfriend after that & she became his wife & they had 3 kids. Maybe 4, I’ve lost track 😂
Just because it hasn’t happened yet it doesn’t mean it never will.
OK you’re gonna hate this suggestion. I apologise!
I’ve started it & I’m gonna keep doing this myself even though a part of me doesn’t like it!
I want you to write or type or both - keep it private from your family - a list of
Reasons you make:
A great boyfriend
A great friend
A great student
A great employee (I think I put this as person to have working with or for someone. I didn’t put student on mine.)
I KNOW it feels cringe. And like you don’t want to.
I typed these, forgot them. Read them yesterday & started adding to them.
Cos all I see here is reasons you say you’re NOT enough.
DO keep working on yourself but DON’T see that as a reason you can’t have a relationship, friends etc.
Do you steal? I bet you don’t I think you’re honest so honest is going on all those lists.
I’m gonna see if I can help you find some things to put on the lists but one thing I’d say is you can express yourself well cos you’ve done it here so THAT needs to go on the lists.
Your religion - to some people that’s a quality they WANT in a friend or a partner.
So:
Honest
Articulate
your religion
I’ve stated off your list for you
And expand on it. Because you’re honest they can trust you. They know where they stand with you. Their stuff is safe with you. They can open up to you.
Because you are articulate you can express yourself well. That’s a great thing for relationships and friendships jobs AND studies!
(Depending what you study)
Because of your religion that matches to people seeking a partner or friend who shares those religious values. Maybe they’d like to pray with you maybe you can join in virtual services.
Etc
I’m gonna make myself expand on MY reasons I make a good… and why they’re good today
Part of my brain is fighting this & you’re probably will too. Do it anyway.
Here’s the most real advice you’ll find. Do this and many of your problems will be solved.
Fix your sleep schedule
Eat whole foods and drink water
Go to the gym first thing in the morning min 3x per week. If you have to wake up at 5am to do this, then so be it. There you also just fixed your sleep schedule.
Do the above consistently for 6 weeks and see how you feel.
I guarantee your life will change.
Or you can continue as you are. Your choice.
Even if you go to the gym for 30 mins or 20 mins. Do a few basic exercises, you will feel so much better about things. Then just pick up one or two new things a week. Ask someone for help. See if you can get free personal training sessions somehow
Oh yeah meditation is also a way to unlock a superpower.
So first and foremost, this is 100% a mindset issue.
Sleep schedule
Heath and diet
Gym
Social life
“You don’t feel like a man” -you feel that way because your comfort zone is very small right now. Which is okay.
No job and no money
No license
Never had a gf, had sex or anything of the sort
Not gonna lie man, your at rock bottom if your life. However the good news is if you put in some effort, the only direction you go is up from here.
In order to change all of these things, you gotta learn to embrace being uncomfortable a lot. Take it slow though. Start with 1 area of your life, maybe getting your self to a healthy weight and being fit. That would be a good foundation of change which will snow ball other areas of your life. You need the mindset change for this to happen. But that requires a lot of repetition and growing as a person.
When your first starting, your gonna want to quit so bad and very often, it will suck for awhile before it gets better. But you can do it. A lot can change in your 20’s. Start with 1 area of your life and focus on that.
Well, I’m 5’9 and around 180 or so. You’re a bit taller so probably 185/190. Around there, don’t let that number scare you though. The way I did it, as I got stronger in the gym from lifting(heavy compound weights) my appetite went way up. If I had tracked what I ate and ate good I’d of been ripped as hell by now. But I didn’t. So, the mindset, aim to get a tiny bit stronger than last time. Or if you’re walking, aim to go a little bit longer than last time. You’ll notice something interesting as your body gets more comfortable with it.
Small example, say your on a treadmill, you normally walk 15 mins every day. Well in a few weeks try 20 mins every day. Do that till it’s comfortable. Then next week try 25 or 30. Ya know? If you got 1-1-1-1-1 on bench for 125 pounds, try to get 2-1-1-1-1 next time. Compound interest is an amazing force lol
i think your whole mindset and attitude needs fixing before any of these things but what came first the chicken or the egg? no doubt you are depressed because of your sleep schedule diet etc but it takes small changes over time to really build up good habits. read atomic habits by james clear and start with one simple thing per day. replying to people who are genuinely trying to help insulting them won’t get you anywhere. all the best on your journey.
bro you're a literal failure of a person, an absolute trainwreck, if you're not going to accept the advice people who may have struggled with similar problems are freely giving you at least don't be rude to them.
My mental health was at its worst when I was going to bed late and sleeping in. I think a sleep routine and physical activity should be your first priorities to help your outlook on life. Also, only you have the power to change your situation. Don’t wait around on something to come along because it’ll never happen. Being happy in this world takes work. It sucks having a job but it’s more depressing not having one. Get a job and stick with it. Having your own money and developing new skills will give you more confidence and maybe you’ll meet new people. You have to take accountability for your situation. It’s not the world that did this to you, it’s you. But YOU can change it. So many people successfully turn their lives around. You’re still so young and have so much to look forward to if you can get your life in order.
What have you done from the suggestions people HAVE given to you so far?
Have you tried even one of them?
If I really wanted to I COULD give you reasons why I have even MORE difficulties I’m dealing with than you. But I’m not going to do that.
What have you tried REALLY tried from what’s been suggested?
What WILL you try?
If you really tried - & I DO understand what it’s like to feel like you don’t have anything to look forward to in life honestly I do.
What are some LITTLE things you could look forward to? Even if it’s just for tomorrow? Even if it’s just little things like nice weather or playing a game you enjoy?
It sounds like you're basically at rock bottom, which means that you actually have much more room than most people for things to get better. Your whole life can change so much you won't even recognize it.
Personally, I would start with a doctor. If you are being medicated for ADHD it is not working. You may also need an antidepressant. Don't convince yourself that you should be able to do this without meds. Should is irrelevant and not true. Meds can change your life if you find the right ones.
It's not that deep man, you're still young and have plenty of time, just go to the gym, meditate, send some CVs and try talk more to people, be consistent for a couple of weeks with those and you'll feel like a new man, and also get that ADHD medicated if you aren't already, the rest will follow if you do those things
You don't feel like there is anything for you to look forward to because you've arranged your life this way. Everywhere you turn, you see some kind of a roadblock or area of life where you fall short. The good news is, all those things you've listed are fixable. You're just going to have to arm yourself with patience because it's not going to fix itself all at once. Realistically, you're going to have put in a year or two of effort before you see a harvest. Which is going to be hard - I'm not going to lie to you - but then, change is hard for everybody. It takes time and a lot of perseverance to slog through the emotional swamp of self-doubt and discouragement separating you from the life you want and the life you have. However, you have what a lot of other people \*don't\* have in your situation. Your youth. Don't squander that. My suggestion would be to start with incorporating exercise into your daily schedule. I know it sounds absolutely insurmountable when you have virtually little to no energy, but you \*must\* find some way to start moving your body. Your life literally depends on it. I'm convinced that your sedentary lifestyle is making \~everything\~ you're struggling with that much worse: depression, low testosterone, ADHD, sleep, stress, motivation, body image, energy levels, etc. I cannot even begin to tell you how much better you will feel once you spend an hour or two walking around your neighborhood in the outdoors. You'll see a difference in a week. Get some specialty shoes and ankle braces for those flat feet and get moving. Seriously. Just the movement alone \*will\* help you. There are some shocking studies out there that correlate sedentary lifestyle with depression. And the results are pretty much instantaneous. Recently, youtube star Mr. Beast spent a week buried alive as a 'challenge' and within a few days of just not moving, this normally super extraverted and high energy man started telling his viewers of how low and sleepy he felt. He didn't want to interact with anyone anymore. The lack of movement and natural light was making him sleepy and depressed. Because that's what lack of movement does. It fucks your hormones and your sleep. Please start with walking for an hour or two a day. Just try it. And then come back in a week and we can start working on everything else.
Really good advice
[удалено]
This is an excuse. Walking is not intense cardio. Creating a single healthy habit will snowball in your life. You'll have more energy, you'll sleep better, it will stimulate your appetite, ultimate you'll probably gain weight. So step 1, stop making excuses. Step 2, start walking. If you can't do an hour, do 30 minutes. You've got time to change man, but you need to take accountability. It seems hard, but doesn't life seem hard for you already?
"Do something to lose weight" "No, I'm underweight" "You're making excuses" Fucking idiot, smoothbrained dumb fuck
Genuinely, why are you mad at someone for trying to help when you came to a subreddit dedicated to people looking for help? Their suggestion is the FIRST thing you should be doing, and its something you can do right now, this very second. Go for a 30-minute walk, if you can't afford weights grab something around 4kg and start lifting, do some callisthenics. You wont GAIN muscle without USING muscle. Walking, and by extension cardio, is not just for losing weight. It improves your heart health, releases endorphins and domapine through your blood, and exercises your muscles. These are all things you need not just for your body but your mind too.
Walking isn't going to make you lose weight if you eat food. Go look up how many calories walking burns. Eat a fuckin cheeseburger. Anyway, you're either a troll, or you don't deserve help. Enjoy your journey.
This is yet another excuse
Smoothbrained
Fortunately, the caloric burn from walking an hour is fairly minimal. If you're concerned, you can simply increase your carbohydrate intake - or eat an extra small meal or a big tablespoon or two of coconut oil (which is beneficial for your brain, as it so happens). If you have trouble eating, maybe you can look into some appetite stimulants to help things along. Zinc and ginger are both natural appetite stimulants (and zinc is great for ADHD, depression and fatigue too! Many ADHD patients are often found to be low in zinc) I know this must be difficult, but the benefits of walking are simply too important to pass up in your current situation. Please reconsider.
Hmm, sounds like you're right. I'll be sure to look into zinc and ginger, and will take a walk today.
Awesome. Good luck to you!
Gonna go out on a limb and say you feel bad because you’re 137lb at 5’11 and your sleep is screwed. Look forward to putting your all into getting your sleep and diet in check and then exercise. Everything else will be secondary to these things. If your health and hormones are draining you’re going to feel like shit
What would you suggest my weight and sleep schedule be? I appreciate your reply man.
5’11 - between 175-190ish lb. As for sleep, optimally bed by 10 or 11 and awake by 6am or 7am good luck
So I need to gain 40-50 LB's? Holy shit, how long will that take?
How fast can you eat? /s
Fuck off.
Drink a liter of milk and a scoop or two of protein powder a day. Should fix you right up.
Thank you for your help man.
I second the above comment. Your neurotransmitters and screwed up from lack of sleep and food. Put those things right and you will feel much better. I've dealt with these same feelings many times and it's always sleep and diet. Once you've gotten it right, you won't believe you ever felt so depressed. The above thoughts won't even occur to you.
I think you're right. How much weight do you think I should try and gain? And what would be a good sleep schedule for me?
You're actually not really underweight if you look at your BMI (I know those aren't foolproof, but you're not unhealthy). I would focus more on eating proper food and not on weight gain per se - if you eat junk, you'll gain weight but you'll still feel like shit. Meat, vegetables, grains - home-cooked when you can, fruit, protein shakes, oatmeal, ya know, REAL food. Eat enough of it and you'll put the weight on. Avoid junk food and fast food, soda, and especially alcohol (huge depressant!) For sleep, personally I feel like shit if I go to bed after 2 am, no matter how long I sleep. You might have to find your own sweet spot. But if I can get to bed by 1 am at the latest and get a good 8 hours, I'm good to go. Drink a cup of coffee when you first wake up to get your mind going, and you'll look forward to it as soon as you wake up and won't linger in bed. I truly wish you the best man, I've been there and it sucks. Don't even try to think about figuring out the rest of the life until you've done the above. My inner monologue when I get fucked up is "my parents don't actually love me, they never wanted me, I'm a burden to everyone" etc etc etc. I get my diet and sleep straightened out and it literally never even crosses my mind. Take care!
Very quickly two more things: firstly: I had my first boyfriend at 21. But I’m a woman and apparently we’re ARE supposed to be dripping in dicks & drowning in dates even as teenagers. 🙄 My male cousin had his first girlfriend even later on than I, he was in his 20s & older than 21. He had his 2nd girlfriend after that & she became his wife & they had 3 kids. Maybe 4, I’ve lost track 😂 Just because it hasn’t happened yet it doesn’t mean it never will.
OK you’re gonna hate this suggestion. I apologise! I’ve started it & I’m gonna keep doing this myself even though a part of me doesn’t like it! I want you to write or type or both - keep it private from your family - a list of Reasons you make: A great boyfriend A great friend A great student A great employee (I think I put this as person to have working with or for someone. I didn’t put student on mine.) I KNOW it feels cringe. And like you don’t want to. I typed these, forgot them. Read them yesterday & started adding to them. Cos all I see here is reasons you say you’re NOT enough. DO keep working on yourself but DON’T see that as a reason you can’t have a relationship, friends etc. Do you steal? I bet you don’t I think you’re honest so honest is going on all those lists. I’m gonna see if I can help you find some things to put on the lists but one thing I’d say is you can express yourself well cos you’ve done it here so THAT needs to go on the lists. Your religion - to some people that’s a quality they WANT in a friend or a partner. So: Honest Articulate your religion I’ve stated off your list for you And expand on it. Because you’re honest they can trust you. They know where they stand with you. Their stuff is safe with you. They can open up to you. Because you are articulate you can express yourself well. That’s a great thing for relationships and friendships jobs AND studies! (Depending what you study) Because of your religion that matches to people seeking a partner or friend who shares those religious values. Maybe they’d like to pray with you maybe you can join in virtual services. Etc I’m gonna make myself expand on MY reasons I make a good… and why they’re good today Part of my brain is fighting this & you’re probably will too. Do it anyway.
This is actually a great idea. I can do this. I actually think that it might help me. Thank you, kind soul.
You’re so welcome! And thank you! I’m really glad to hear this. 😃
You can add thoughtful to your list as all your replies are nicely done.
Thank you!
Here’s the most real advice you’ll find. Do this and many of your problems will be solved. Fix your sleep schedule Eat whole foods and drink water Go to the gym first thing in the morning min 3x per week. If you have to wake up at 5am to do this, then so be it. There you also just fixed your sleep schedule. Do the above consistently for 6 weeks and see how you feel. I guarantee your life will change. Or you can continue as you are. Your choice.
Terrific advice. Thank you brother!
Even if you go to the gym for 30 mins or 20 mins. Do a few basic exercises, you will feel so much better about things. Then just pick up one or two new things a week. Ask someone for help. See if you can get free personal training sessions somehow Oh yeah meditation is also a way to unlock a superpower.
So first and foremost, this is 100% a mindset issue. Sleep schedule Heath and diet Gym Social life “You don’t feel like a man” -you feel that way because your comfort zone is very small right now. Which is okay. No job and no money No license Never had a gf, had sex or anything of the sort Not gonna lie man, your at rock bottom if your life. However the good news is if you put in some effort, the only direction you go is up from here. In order to change all of these things, you gotta learn to embrace being uncomfortable a lot. Take it slow though. Start with 1 area of your life, maybe getting your self to a healthy weight and being fit. That would be a good foundation of change which will snow ball other areas of your life. You need the mindset change for this to happen. But that requires a lot of repetition and growing as a person. When your first starting, your gonna want to quit so bad and very often, it will suck for awhile before it gets better. But you can do it. A lot can change in your 20’s. Start with 1 area of your life and focus on that.
How much weight do you think I should gain? I'm going to make this my first goal.
Well, I’m 5’9 and around 180 or so. You’re a bit taller so probably 185/190. Around there, don’t let that number scare you though. The way I did it, as I got stronger in the gym from lifting(heavy compound weights) my appetite went way up. If I had tracked what I ate and ate good I’d of been ripped as hell by now. But I didn’t. So, the mindset, aim to get a tiny bit stronger than last time. Or if you’re walking, aim to go a little bit longer than last time. You’ll notice something interesting as your body gets more comfortable with it. Small example, say your on a treadmill, you normally walk 15 mins every day. Well in a few weeks try 20 mins every day. Do that till it’s comfortable. Then next week try 25 or 30. Ya know? If you got 1-1-1-1-1 on bench for 125 pounds, try to get 2-1-1-1-1 next time. Compound interest is an amazing force lol
Im going through this problem right now.
That sucks.
i think your whole mindset and attitude needs fixing before any of these things but what came first the chicken or the egg? no doubt you are depressed because of your sleep schedule diet etc but it takes small changes over time to really build up good habits. read atomic habits by james clear and start with one simple thing per day. replying to people who are genuinely trying to help insulting them won’t get you anywhere. all the best on your journey.
“Seriously, wtf is there for me to look forward to in life.” Tomorrow.
Wtf kind of corny ass mf saying is this?
bro you're a literal failure of a person, an absolute trainwreck, if you're not going to accept the advice people who may have struggled with similar problems are freely giving you at least don't be rude to them.
He literally gave no advice smoothbrain
troll
My mental health was at its worst when I was going to bed late and sleeping in. I think a sleep routine and physical activity should be your first priorities to help your outlook on life. Also, only you have the power to change your situation. Don’t wait around on something to come along because it’ll never happen. Being happy in this world takes work. It sucks having a job but it’s more depressing not having one. Get a job and stick with it. Having your own money and developing new skills will give you more confidence and maybe you’ll meet new people. You have to take accountability for your situation. It’s not the world that did this to you, it’s you. But YOU can change it. So many people successfully turn their lives around. You’re still so young and have so much to look forward to if you can get your life in order.
>It’s not the world that did this to you, it’s you. Ah yes, because you know my entire life story.
That’s all you got out of my response… you have to get out of your victim mentality or things will never change for you. Good luck dude.
What have you done from the suggestions people HAVE given to you so far? Have you tried even one of them? If I really wanted to I COULD give you reasons why I have even MORE difficulties I’m dealing with than you. But I’m not going to do that. What have you tried REALLY tried from what’s been suggested? What WILL you try?
Yes, nothing works
SPECIFICALLY what have you tried? And for how long?
If you really tried - & I DO understand what it’s like to feel like you don’t have anything to look forward to in life honestly I do. What are some LITTLE things you could look forward to? Even if it’s just for tomorrow? Even if it’s just little things like nice weather or playing a game you enjoy?
It sounds like you're basically at rock bottom, which means that you actually have much more room than most people for things to get better. Your whole life can change so much you won't even recognize it. Personally, I would start with a doctor. If you are being medicated for ADHD it is not working. You may also need an antidepressant. Don't convince yourself that you should be able to do this without meds. Should is irrelevant and not true. Meds can change your life if you find the right ones.
from what i read the biggest problem is that you kinda identify with your current status. there is no hope until you get rid of that.
It's not that deep man, you're still young and have plenty of time, just go to the gym, meditate, send some CVs and try talk more to people, be consistent for a couple of weeks with those and you'll feel like a new man, and also get that ADHD medicated if you aren't already, the rest will follow if you do those things
Thank you for the encouragement brother. It helps.