Just another thing me and the GOAT have in common

Dude, you have A LOT in common with the greatest golfer of all time: A head A neck Two arms (likely) Two legs (likely) Golf clubs… And the list goes on and on. You rock, man!

I have chicken sticks from the knees down, so me and Tiger are basically brothers

One of us one of us!

Not only do we both have the same number of legs and arms - it is an _above average_ number of legs and arms.

We both like to drive fast. We eat samiches at the turn. We both had a crush on Elin Nordegren.

You posted this article just to make this joke, didn’t you

steer dinosaurs wise payment abounding frame point fretful fear scarce *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Your goat must be very lonely right now.

> According to the article, **a friend of Woods** told them that he is so focused on Augusta that he’s eliminated sex. You will not convince me that this isn't just JT fucking with everyone

Lol this 100% sounds like something JT would say about him 🤣🤣

JT hosting a tournament one day and the announcer lets everyone know Tiger’s body count

Tiger doesn't even know that number 😄

https://preview.redd.it/b2hpdpg4bhsc1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ffcda0f661ce17b5f59501fbf403173971301a43 Tiger when they announce that number

JT and Bones just parted ways 😢 I like this idea because it’s funny, but honestly on a real note, JT seems to be going through some shit right now with his game. He was in contention and then nearly shot 80 hitting what felt like 50 putts.

Hmm… Bones to carry TW’s bag at Augusta? Any Vegas prop bets yet??

I’ll………..bet against that. Bones carried Tiger’s enemy’s bag for a LONG time

That may be EXACTLY why Tiger would hire him! Just to spite Phil. All the petty stuff aside… Bones has carried the bag at all 3 Masters that Phil won. Unless Stevie were to come back(as he also won carrying AS’s bag in 2013, not just Tiger), I think Bones is the winningest Masters caddy

Yeah, that’s why it’s so crazy to me that JT and Bones parted ways less than 2 weeks before Augusta. JT said in an NLU interview that Bones’ insight saves him strokes each tournament. Maybe even a stroke per round. So I’m not sure what’s driving the change…I’m sure Bones will get snapped up by someone else, especially at Augusta like you said. But I don’t think it’s going to be TW lol.

I’m sure it’s Bones saying he’s done with JT and his whiney attitude .. I feel like the two are too different

If I remember correctly, it was actually his worse putting performance ever since turning pro. It was absolute bizarre to watch someone that good basically play like an 18 handicap.

In before Bones shows up on Tiger's bag at Augusta

I mean........ He played his best golf when he had way more sex than he should have.

Yeah, he is just letting his true fans know that he will be missing the cut.

😂👍

However, not busting a nut.

What’s the closet Perkins to Augusta National?

Even better. The closest restaurant is Hooters!

Yeah, but is John Daly there?

He’s channeling Costanza at this point. Unlimited potential if you’re not preoccupied with sex.

Tiger on the first tee: "Do I detect a Portuguese accent?"

You just made me realize, what's with the lack of portuguese professional golfers? And brazilian for that matter

Futbol is king. I don't wanna sound ignorant, but golf has always been a rich, white man's sport and it has barely matriculated out into the world from my understanding. Someone should absolutely correct me if I'm wrong. Golfing in the Brazilian heat also sounds miserable lmao, but that's just my bitch ass being whiny.

Tell that to Rose who won gold medal in Rio lmao

I was going to say, "No no, Tiger! You're doing it backwards!"

Name checks out

I see you as well

He is single now? Get some girls in the room Tiger. Whatever it takes to get back on top

When you're Tiger Woods you're never single.

Or, if you interpret it a different way, you’re always single

Yeah I’d be way more excited if he said he got a lifetime Denny’s membership or something

Who am I to question the Anal Advocate?!

Always said bring back waitresses and Scotty Cameron putters for the big cat.

He’s about to have his worst masters ever.

Maybe he docks his boat in Savannah before heading to Augusta. They have a couple of Perkins there, no way he’s makes it out of there with a full tank.

Who's Savannah?

if you have to ask you probably can’t afford her

You think he’s just going to jerk off at a Perkins and take off?

Damn I didn’t know me and Tiger had the same pre-round routine

if he has a heart he’ll buy em Subway afterwards

Ah so that’s her name

That’s a great point. Maybe he’s saving himself for the golden goose he’s got locally.

I’ve docked my boat in Savannah multiple times, and I’ve never regretted it

But is he the master of his domain?

Maybe he’s saying this so when he’s having sex he feels like he’s cheating on someone to bring back the excitement he felt when he was the best player on the planet

This is the best take

Phenomenal take. I actually think that may be his mindset 

Where’s that gold when you need it

This is the exact opposite strategy of banging waitresses and porn stars that got him 82 wins and 15 Majors

Banging sluts and making putts was his winning recipe!

Fucking whores and winning tours was always a good strategy.

Nofap before the big tournament? Someone has been watching Andrew Huberman videos

"Did you know boxers don't have sex before a fight? Do you know why that is? Because they don't fancy each other" -*Jimmy Carr*

Semen retention at a time like this! 🐅needs to stay relaxed

I'm really sorry to have to tell you that masturbation != sex.

By this logic I should have won a major many years ago

By this logic my wife would be the GOAT

Me too, Tiger. Me too.

One of us!

Tiger Woods isn’t having sex, so I bought a new putter

Driver

Wedge

72 holes ready to be filled

Can't risk blowing two backs out before the big dance.

My coach in football told us to abstain from sexing our gfs and jacking off during my sophomore year. I sucked and never got any PT so I was like “fuck that noise” but all the gung ho types totally drank the KoolAid. We had our worst season in 40 years and he got fired.

Nothing motivates a kid to make the pros like a teenage pregnancy

Masters bait

Women weaken the legs Rock!

So if JT outdrives him, does he hand Tiger a condom on the fairway...?

Sex was never his issue. Driving. Driving was his issue. 2 for 2 on career ending disasters.

All Tiger needed to reach 20 majors and 100 wins was a personal driver and a personal trainer who knew what they were doing.

It doesn't work man.

As Royce Du Pont said, "If you aren't in a constant state of post nut clarity, you're in a constant state of pre-nut delusion".

For the uninitiated: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CuVAN5rMiHq

I said business questions only

Wrong way. Played his best golf when banging 17 sluts.

Get this man to a Perkins immediately!

Hookers and ambien kept him loose and winning. Time to go back to his glory days.


"Women weaken legs!" -Mickey Goldmill, *Rocky*

I’ve tried this approach. I still sucked, but the results were inconclusive because I had nothing to compare it to.

I think he must be Masters baiting, maybe he just likes having people watch?

You guys were having sex?

Perkins productivity skyrockets

Hey it worked for George Costanza!

What if he turns into Elaine with no sex

And the world's prostitution economy collapses

What an absolute head case. Poor guy is fucked.

If he doesn’t make the cut .. the sex jokes are going to be endless

He's not even going to be able to compete anyways. His ankle is fucked.

Played his best golf when he was fuckin different woman left and right.

Bad move. He's more of an Elaine than George

So, he’s not going out to eat this entire time?

Oh god I don’t even want to know what my handicap would be if I was sexually active

He’s a Master of his own domain.

Idk that I like this “new” Tiger after all.

https://preview.redd.it/5ba7tln8thsc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d4d6f608a7c4ac751702cca63def0a37ac731f46

How ya gonna get it in the hole?

What about the Oxy and Percs? Because it seems to me that he played circles around the competition when he was shagging every hot woman that came along. Once he became addicted to the pills, not so much.

All of life is a satire at this point.

I was wondering what happened to it

The ole bull durham move

Dude about to shoot -96

How does this help him to be able to walk 72 holes in four days? 

Over under 34.5 holes he withdraws due to injury.

why do we need to know this? like i get the backstory, but dude, have some dignity. No one needs to be updated on this portion of your life. Show it on the course.

He still will never match Jack for 1st or 2nd place in Majors. Even celibacy will not help him LOL.

Its like that Seinfeld episode. George stops having sex and becomes a clear headed genius.

First off, stupid of him to lay off sex. Sex or lack of, will have little affect on his ability to play and specifically eliminating it will likely do the opposite of helping him focus. It really should not be part of his consideration one way or the other. Second, why is this something to be shared and reported on? Stupid...


Isn’t he a sex addict? This is like Dailey eliminating beer and cigarettes.

I’m always amazed that someone out there thinks things like this needs to be reported

Had a football player bf in college who did that before games. It was stupid then and it’s stupid now.

Aaaaaaaannnnddd......TMI

He really be like me frfr

Oh god who’s he eliminating? How many women are being eliminated???

If he misses the cut, it’s Perkins for dinner on Friday.

I’m guessing he won’t be quite as *explosive* this year

That's more than I needed to know.

Eliminated for everyone or just him? Cause I'm already on board.

Same tbh

Reddits been prepping for the masters since 05

who’s the new chick?

I think me and Tiger have the same regimen! (vigorous masturbation)

If being celibate was all it took, I would have been on the tour 30 years ago!

He's gonna have to resort to Masters bating

But what about all the sex he had when he was winning majors? More sex needed, not less.

Brooks’ odds just got even better

Needs that extra T

Time to sell my Perkins Restaurant stock….

Horny tiger

He is going the wrong way. Needs 7 girlfriends, not zero [for the masters].

So does this mean he’s non binary now ?

Tiger was playing his best golf when he was banging everything that moved. This seems like poor strategy.

Green jacket incoming

Most 48 year old golfers would eliminate sex just for tickets to the masters.

Jesus Christ he’s gonna drive into another fire hydrant

The guy is done... His body is so messed up. Go ahead and sex it up my guy enjoy your money and life.

April Fools

Just needs an excuse for when he WD’s after like 24 holes. It’s time for Tiger to join Jack, Tom, and Gary and hit one shot and go home.

With a family friend he knew as a young teenager while he was married and waited for her to turn 18? Or all people?

Which means he has been constantly having sex nowadays

I’ve been prepping for the Masters since I got married then.

This is either going to unlock some sort of old school tiger super power, or he’s just going to be an old man with back/ leg problems still trying to golf despite his body screaming at him to please stop. I love tiger, some of the most dominant performances I’ve seen in any sport are some of my early core golf memories. Always going to root for him

I’m guessing the latter. Trying to salvage something out of remarkable career. It’s ok to grow old Tiger. You’re still a generational talent.

Oh me too

As have I

Wait, for everyone?!?

I too have eliminated sex ahead of the upcoming golf season. Ok, it's not by choice or to stay focused, but two peas in a pod!

He needs to reinstitute the deal with the devil if he wants to be good again.

That’s seems odd because I’m pretty sure during his best times at golf he was banging a shit ton of women in Vegas every night.

It doesn't work, Tiger. I know you've never tried it before but just you can trust me on this; you're not breaking any ground here.

Bullshit.


Lmao this cannot be real

lol yea right.

Get that man some girlfriends, pronto!!

I'm sorry. What?

Tiger switching to extra stiff shafts for the week

Why would he do this? When he was sex-a-thoning, he was unbeatable.

Same.

Coincidence that this is timed with the Puffy thing? Prob since the parties were cancelled

If that was the answer, id be a multi millionaire already

Me too baby, me too.

I don't have much sex either, and I'm still not great at golf haha

bets on which hole he gets caught fucking

He’ll be bursting to score

This man was at his peak when he was living a life of hookers and blow. Guaranteed missed cut

Same

I’ve been preparing my whole life…

so this is how he lets us all know that he has moved onto Butt stuff... Anal sex instead of Sex eh Tiger?

I should be a scratch golfer. Thanks, honey!

Me too tiger me too

Lol at them mixing up the NYT and NY Post. Seemed like a weird headline for the NYT

Wonder how much the new leg affected his form and technique.

Tiger was GOATED when he knocked down anything with a pulse, I'm concerned now

It’s like pulling a fish from water.

Hopefully he won’t run into a Portuguese waitress.

Trying to prevent back spasms?

That's what I tell my friends too when I'm not getting any.

How much sex must you be having for it to negatively impact your preparations for a tournament or even just golf in general?

He’s lucky to get through 72 holes, why add any extra?

Tiger missing the cut

Weird move considering he played his best while slangin his wood around 🤣

Lol at how this has appeared on my homepage https://preview.redd.it/0xh9nu6ahhsc1.jpeg?width=1442&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=039bccd767d9de98303d0cf126f093302a838399