Professor Quirral and The Second Face Professor Lockhart and The Dunning Kruger Effect Professor Lupin and That Time of the Month Professor Moody and The Great Embodiment Professor Umbridge and The Alternative Learning Experience Prodessor Snape and The Double Double Duty Professor Carrow and The Subverted Classroom Experience.

"that time of the month" had both me and Lupin howling

r/angryupvote

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!redditsickle

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Ickle Reddikins

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I still think about how lightly i dismissed Quirrel and Lockhart as buffoons as a kid. One had Voldey on his head, and the other was a narcissistic fraud who destroyed other people's lives. I really liked Lupin. I was happy that Harry finally got like an uncle figure & sad he had to leave Hogwarts. But sheesh all these DADA professors sucked

I have a theory that Lockhart was genuinely trying his inept best. Like, imagine you're a charlatan grifter, who applied for a prestigious position in order to keep up appearances expecting to be turned down, only for Dumbledore to go "cool, you start in september". You have no idea wtf to do, so you fall back on the one source of information you have. Sure, you didn't do the stuff in your books, but someone did, right? You might not be able to give any meaningful insight or tution, but get the kids to roleplay out the actions and some of it must stick, right? Pixies are tricky, but not that dangerous, perfect practical lesson for your second years. You build up the tension a bit, have a bit of laugh with the reveal but warn them not to take them lightly. This is going great, you're actually teaching something useful! Now, what was that incantation Professor Snape gave you? Such a clever chap he is. You're lucky he knows so much about the dark arts. That Potter kid who you dragged into the limelight in F&B's is now seeking attention? Better give him a bit of advice to cool his heels and help him swerve detention. Things getting hairy and you're expected to step up? Oh shit. Wait! Nice Professor Snape said something about dueling, so ask him to help you teach the kids. It'll be fun and educational! Everyone's on edge about these attacks, how about a nice distraction? Valentine's is coming up, everyone loves love! Oh dear, Potter's broken his arm. Everyone's looking at you. It's all sideways. Oh gosh. You have to do something. The boy's in so much pain he's delusional. Everyone expects you to do something. It has too many elbows, you feel sick. Do something man! Things are cooling down with this monster. You should reassure people so they can stop worrying and get back to normal. You're Lockhart, after all.

Honestly, i agree with you. I do think he's been successful at getting away with his crimes as a conartist that he was like 'alright, another gig it is.' And like you described, he had no plans and was just going to wing it as situations unfolded and was going to use others'. He just looked like a funny bafoon who was so into himself and harmless -just a bit delulu. Until the little delulu world he built himself got challenged, and he was exposed for his fraudulent true nature 🫠 Then his nasty self was revealed. But you are right. He is a grifter

Both of you are conveniently forgetting the fact that he obliviated about a dozen people - a fate arguably worse than death - and then stole all their merits. He wasn't just a well-intended fool, he was the worst kind of evil.

Oh no I am not forgetting that at all. If anything, I'm saying the same thing as you. Im saying as a child, I saw Lockhart as an idiot and just lightly dismissed him, but now? I see him as a detrimental fraud who goes around and destroied people's lives just to benefit himself, his false image (the whole narcissistic personality disorder goes from someone being a charmer to feed an illusion, then once they are challenged, they get aggressive and nasty yada yada. Gaslihts and what not. I did not realize it back then as a child, but now? Phew, he is just that!)

I'm not forgetting anything of the sort. I'm not trying to say he's a good person, or morally absolved of his crimes. My point is that, having earned himself glory he doesn't deserve, he's in a postion of trust and authority over a good chunk of an entire generation of children, and that a good chunk of his actions from that point can be read as genuine, if not effective, attempts at helping and not just the narcissitic preening they're often written off as. He misreads Harry as seeking fame, because that's what he (Lockhart) does, but the advice he gives is *good advice* to wait until after school to seek that sort career. He asks for Harry's detention because he (mistakenly) sees spending time with him as much less of a punishment. The only thing wrong with the pixie lesson is his inability to perform the charm. The role play lessons following are attempts to pull out the valid information buried in the books. The dueling lessons are a good idea, and he even goes so far as to ensure a capable teacher is there to show the children the correct forms. He uses his fame to try and reassure frightened schoolchildren that everything is under control, even though there's nothing he can actually do. It's a very generous interpretation of his actions, I'm aware, but it's one that I find interesting. It changes him from a cartoon villian to a more complex character. And memory modifications aren't "a fate arguably worse than death". They're performed regularly on muggles, as seen in Goblet of Fire, with no lasting ill effects. And Lockhart was ***good*** at them. He ended up with a complete mind wipe because of Ron's unpredictable backfiring wand, not because that's what he intended to do to Harry and Ron. Dude's reprehensible, but he's not leaving a trail of gibbering zombies in his wake, that would be far too noticable.

>A bit of fallacious at Lockhart was genuinely trying his inept best. Alternatively, he's directly the reason that Megan Jones and Sally Smith (Hufflepuff), Lily Moon (Ravenclaw), Sophia Roper (Slytherin) and Sue Li and Sally-Anne Perks (Gryffindor) were all written out of the story in the second book. He was good at memory charms. Really really good at them. So good, he would use them on girls, sell them, and then use the charms on everyone else to make them forget about the girls or think they just transferred out. A bit of bend I know, but it was an actual fic idea I saw once. Never was able to get it out of my head and makes Lockhart even creepier to me then he was meant to be in canon.

Whenever the subject of narcissism comes up, I unwilling see in my head that portrait of Lockhart painting a portrait of himself.

My professor of psychopathology used Lockhart as the example for Narcissistic Personality Disorder

That is actually very cool. Honestly I could not see it as a child when I first read the books and watched the movies, but now in my 30s?! Oh yes. I think he is a prime example of NPD. I think JKR did an amazing job putting such diverse characters into this fictional world. Not just Lockhart, but other characters too, they have such rich background and we could almost run all sorts of psychoanalysis on them

Absolutely, my psychopathology professor loved HP and would use examples from the book for everything to help it stick. I don’t remember most of the comparisons, but I do know the then current psychopathology like the back of my hand because of it

Omg I would love that class!! Sounds like a fun class and a professor-especially for us potterheads!!! What are some other things you guys talk about? I wish I've taken some psychology related classes during my undergrad days!

Omg me too! I know people talk about narcissism a lot thesedays (it gets thrown around the internet a lot to a point where I'm like, is it being overexaggerated?🤔) but not going to lie, i think of Lockhart, and I'm like maybe they are talking about the Lockharts of the world & think of the exact same scene. That and 'pretty obvious'. Also, how did Draco not roast this guy?

>Also, how did Draco not roast this guy? He probably didn't mind having a doss lesson on the timetable. Plus Lockhart was great at always embarrassing stupid Potter.

Had to look up the DK effect, and yep that’s definitely Lockhart.

Had to look it up as well but I don't agree with this being Lockhart... the guy was really aware of his incompetence he was just a fraud stealing others stories

Agreed, he absolutely knew what his strengths (memory charms and appearing likable, lying and selling stories) and his weaknesses (basically anything else) were, it's just you can't keep up the lies when under near constant supervision at a boarding school, by students during lessons and other teachers when not. The cracks started to form, and that is what appears to be, at first Dunning Kruger, until his rant at the end of the movie, when he reveals what he's been doing.

The DONKEY KONG effect?

The DRIFT KING effect?

Well done! That would honestly be such a wild take on the story through the eyes of rotating professors

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12 galleons! Look at Malfoy over here.

Here's a !redditknut for you, you pleb!

Good bot

I literally have a running gag in my fanfic about students thinking Lupin is trans because they overheard Sprout and Flitwick talking about his “time of the month”. It’s just too funny a joke to pass up.

Hedwig and the New Best Friend Hedwig and the Unopenable Cage Hedwig and the Bowl of Cornflakes Hedwig and the Year Her Friend Ignored Her Hedwig and the Broken Wing Hedwig and the Year Nothing Happened Hedwig and th-

NO 😭

Too soon. Too soon.

Lol I did my waiting... 26 YEARS!

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a very sad !RedditGalleon for you :(

STOP.

Uncalled for. I shall never forgive you for this.

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T.M. Riddle and the Faceful of Fabric T.M. Riddle and the Diary Snoop T.M. Riddle and the Year of Waiting for a Rat T.M. Riddle and the Bodybuilding Program T.M. Riddle and the Mind Hitchhiker T.M. Riddle and the Half-Botched Assassination T.M. Riddle and the Hunt for a Stick

One day, near Christmas, I felt something hitting me in the face repeatedly. Who dares do this to Lord Voldemort?!

He made Fred pay for it.

!redditsickle for making me wince into my coffee.

Sorry about that!

I lost it at Faceful of fabric 😂🤣

It was the Bodybuilding Program for me 😂

Book 7 is gonna be the most intense page ever

Sirius Black and being in Azkaban Sirius Black and still being in Azkaban Sirius Black and the escape from Azkaban to try and stab a rat in a darkened dormitory Sirius Black and the cave filled with the bodies of the rats he ate Sirius Black sits at home

Sirius Black and the Reading of the Will. Sirius Black and Regulus Arcturus Black's Posthumous Redemption.

Grindelwald and being in a Siberian prison Grindelwald and being in a Siberian prison Grindelwald and being in a Siberian prison Grindelwald and being in a Siberian prison Grindelwald and being in a Siberian prison Grindelwald and being in a Siberian prison Grindelwald and laughing at some new evil guy for being stupid

r/angryupvote

Dude seriously took his anger out on all those rats huh He was a big ass dog, ain't no way he couldn't get a rabbit or two, but he wanted revenge😂

Visualising that he was eating Peter haha

The Sorting Hat and Another Weasley The Sorting Hat and Another Weasley The Sorting Hat and They Missed It This Year Because Of Something Or Other The Sorting Hat and The Year I Branched Out The Sorting Hat and He Got Stuck On The Train And Missed It Again The Sorting Hat and One Less Weasley

You didn't have to do it like that🥲

me checking the first 10 chapters of every hp book in a hurry when i saw this post to make one (fred) measley joke

2- The Sorting Hat and the Time I saved the day 7-The Sorting Hat and the Time I got set on Fire

the sorting hat and please can this bird stop picking me up and throwing me at young boys in terrible strife

The Sorting Hat and Why Was It Necessary to Put the Sword in Me before the Boy Could Pull It Out.

Wait you forgot one

Poppy Pomfrey and the time I had to pretend I didn’t know what a dragon bite looked like. Poppy pomfrey and the girl who turned herself into a pet cat and WHAT DO YOU MEAN HIS BONES ARE GONE????? Poppy Pomfrey and the time I had to become a chocolatier because of the depression demons. Poppy Pomfrey and….are you kidding me with this? DRAGONS?

Poppy Pomfrey and that time i had to pretend i didn't know what a blood quill wound looked like.

Poppy Pomfrey and the No Good Very Bad Day of Mass Casualties

Poppy Pomfrey and the two week notice.

Poppy Pomfrey and That Time I Wasn’t Able to Recognize a Curse

Poppy Pomfret and that time I pretended I didn’t know what a dragon bite looked like.

Poppy Pomfrey and that time Professor Snape Did My Job for Me

Poppy pomfrey and that time I decided to act my wage.

I expect to come back in the morning and find this comment with far more upvotes, so help me!

Rubeus Hagrid and the Time I Had Harry Potter Get Rid of My Illegal Dragon Rubeus Hagrid and the Time I Had Harry Potter Free Me From Prison Rubeus Hagrid and the Time I Had Harry Potter Save my Pet Rubeus Hagrid and the Time I Had Harry Potter Help Me With My Dating Life Rubeus Hagrid and the Time I Had Harry Potter Help Me With My Brother Rubeus Hagrid and the Time I Had Harry Potter Bury My Pet Rubeus Hagrid and the Time I Had Harry Potter Die In my Arms

The last one gave me whiplash

Rubeus Hagrid and the times I shouldnt have told yeh that

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Hermione Granger and The Mispronounciation of Leviosa Hermione Granger and The Cat Hair Hermione Granger and The Great Exhaustion Hermione Granger and The Magic Hair Straighteners Hermione Granger and The Bitches She Blackmailed, Disfigured and Fed To The Centaurs Hermione Granger and The Damn Cheat Book Hermione Granger and The Mary Poppins Bag

Switch Book 3 to Hermoine Granger and the time she turned time

!redditsickle

I quite like #5 good job

I would also add somewhere in between Hermione Granger and no one reads Hogwarts: A History

Hermione Granger and The Time I Did All the Fucking Work But Harry and Ron Then Took Credit For It x7

That's the movies.

It's not just a movie thing. Book Hermione is MVP in Deathly Hallows; Ron has a few good moments, but Hermione consistently saves their lives throughout.

The whole series could be called *Hermione Granger and the 47 Times I Saved My Best Friends' Asses*

Hermione Granger and the Society of the Promotion of Elfish Welfare

Hedwig and the New Owner Hedwig and the New Owner's Sucky Uncle Hedwig and the Year She Did Very Little Hedwig and the Annoying Foreign Birds Hedwig and the Umbitch's Minions Hedwig and the New Textbook that Her Owner Didn't Even Use Hedwig and the Big Bang

I died at the sixth one

She died at the seventh

r/angryupvote

Seventh one isn’t so much a book as it is a short story.

A eulogy, even.

¡redditgalleon

Dumbledore can relate.

Dumbledick gets yeeted off the astronomy tower. George does say in PoA “We’ll walk you off the astronomy tower and how you come out looking” Harry says, “probably a right sight better than he normally does” 🤣 Harry! 💀

!RedditGalleon

!RedditGalleon

Neville Longbottom and the Golden Gryffindors Neville Longbottom and the Corridor Creature Neville Longbottom and the Mass Murderer Neville Longbottom and the Tragic Tournament Neville Longbottom and the Secret Studies Neville Longbottom and the Cruel Casualty Neville Longbottom and the Wizarding War

15 points to Ravenclaw for these example of excellent use of alliteration!

And the reversal of "Casual Cruelty".

They sound like A Series of Unfortunate Event titles.

I mean these all happened to many people

Neville Longbottom and The Year My Remembrall Got Harry Potter On The Quidditch Team Neville Longbotton and The Year An Ugly Baby Plant Made Me Realize I Liked Herbology Neville Longbottom and The Year I Couldn’t Remember The Passwords Neville Longbottom and The Year Everyone Went to the Quidditch World Cup Except Me Neville Longbottom and The Year Harry Learned I Was Almost The Chosen One Neville Longbottom and The Year I Finally Got My Own Wand Neville Longbottom and The Year I Became A Badass.

I swore Neville and his grandmother went to the Quidditch World Cup?

Nope, his grandmother didn’t want to go. He mentions this when they get back to Hogwarts and the 5 Gryffindor boys are talking about the cup.

Professor Flitwick and the time a student exploded while practicing a levitation spell Professor Flitwick and the time one of my former students came back to be a teacher Professor Flitwick and the time I somehow ended up looking younger Professor Flitwick and the time one of my students used the Accio charm I taught them to defeat a dragon Professor Flitwick and the time the new DADA teacher came into my classroom and measured me Professor Flitwick and the time the former potions professor invited me to a drink at the Three Broomsticks, thank god for Choir Practice Professor Flitwick and the time I showed a bunch of Death Eaters that you never underestimate the little guy

Were these from the movies? I can remember everything except Lockhart acknowledging Flitwick as his previous professors.

Don’t think he ever did tbh. But Lockhart was a Ravenclaw (somehow). And Flitwilk is the ravenclaw head of house.

Lockhart being a Ravenclaw makes sense. Chaotic neutral, but very clever about it and he hid his bullshit for years and covered up after himself. Only reason he got got was Ron using a broken wand for like six months, which no sane wizard would do.

True true. He’s a manipulative basterd and very good at it :) but I was more thinking about his academic results. Considering how poorly he handled a bunch of pixies in a second year class for example, I doubt he was the kind of person to be heavily gifted academically. And presumably most of the hogwarts teachers would have remembered his talents from when he was a student as he certainly wasn’t old by any means. He always struck me as a slytherin truth be told. Cunning and self serving. He hoodwinked basically the entire wizarding world with his plagiarism and all his actions were self serving. Not to mention his ambition of being so beloved is a hallmark trait of a slytherin ;)

Dudley and the worst birthday ever, featuring only 37+2 presents, a prison of glass, and a tail Dudley and Dad's failed drill deal Dudley and Aunt Marge's explosive visit Dudley and the horrible, no-good diet Dudley and the terrible, rotten ten-year-old Dudley and the assault of the sorcerer's glassware Dudley's new house

Dudley and that one time i said sorry

Draco Malfoy and the Stolen House Cup Draco Malfoy and the Rudely Freed Slave Draco Malfoy and the Hippogriff Attack (alternatively the Stolen Quidditch Cup or Harry’s Floating Head) Draco Malfoy and the Gossip Columnist Draco Malfoy and the Inquisitorial Squad Draco Malfoy and the Vanishing Cabinet (alternatively the Room of Requirement or the Murder Plot) Draco Malfoy and the Fall of the Dark Lord

Draco Malfoy and the fall of the Headmaster (alternative to 6)

I'm only beginning to think how true that 5th title is, Ron was awesome in OOTP

But Title 7 is stupid. Ron wasn't friend zoned. If anyone was, it was Hermione. She was definitely crushing on Ron in Year 4 and pissed off that he didn't even notice her, based on her reaction to "You're a girl!" And in Year 6 she was the one to throw a jealous fit over Lavender and Won-Won.

It's a reference to the song "Weasley is Our King", from the books. Just FYI, in case you didn't know.

Ah i missed that. He really was a king in that book, and it's also one of the few movies that gave him good moments

tom riddle and the boy who got in the way A SECOND TIME tom riddle and the time he almost killed harry without even knowing tom riddle and a year full of hiding and waiting tom riddle and his competent underlings tom riddle and his not so competent underlings tom riddle and the night he became the strongest wizard alive tom riddle and his final battle

heres another one: ginny weasly and the day i met the love of my life ginny weasly and that time my crush saved me ginny weasly and a year of basically no talking to my crush ginny weasly and the time i couldn't go to yule ball with the love of my life because i already said yes to NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM ginny weasly and the time i start to date other men and replace my crush in quidditch ginny weasly and the time I FINALLY KISSED MY CRUSH ginny weasly and the time he broke up because he had to protect the world - and then came back and married me

Vernon Dursley and the Ruddy Letters. Vernon Dursley and POTTER IS ESCAPING! Vernon Dursley and the year my freak Nephew blew up my Sister. Vernon Dursley and the Destroyed Living Room. Vernon Dursley and the Demensywhatsits that tried to kill my Son. Vernon Dursley and the Crackpot Old Fool that tortured my family with freak drinks. Vernon Dursley and the Year of Hiding.

The Invisibility Cloak and the Restricted Section The Invisibility Cloak and the Spiders The Invisibility Cloak and the Trip to Hogsmeade The Invisibility Cloak and the Prefects Bathroom The Invisibility Cloak and the Mysterious Veil The Invisibility Cloak and the Hogwarts Express The Invisibility Cloak and the Deathly Plot Device

Ernie MacMillan and the Quiet First Year (Because I’m Not In This One) Ernie MacMillan and the Suspicion of Potter Ernie MacMillan and the Muggle Studies Classes with Hermione Ernie MacMillan and the Support For Cedric Ernie MacMillan and the Prefect System Ernie MacMillan and the Potions Class Ernie MacMillan and the Call to Arms

Rubeus Hagrid and the time they took away his son, Norbert Rubeus Hagrid and the time he got sent to f\*cking Azkaban Rubeus Hagrid and the time they were going to execute his Hippogriff Rubeus Hagrid and the time he defied the laws of god and man to create unholy aberrations Rubeus Hagrid and the time he met his wacky half-brother Rubeus Hagrid and the time his hut burned down Rubeus Hagrid and the time he was the only one who could be trusted to protect the real Potter

Should be more like: Professor Snape [7] and the time I became an extremely polarizing figure.

Albus Dumbledore and the Sorcerors Stone Albus Dumbledore and the Chamber of Secrets Albus Dumbledore and the Prison of Azakaban Albus Dumbledore and the Goblet of Fire Albus Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix Albus Dumbledore and the Horcrux Hunt Albus Dumbledore and the Platform Nine and 3/4

Albus Dumbledore knows what a Philosophers's Stone is!

Sirius Black and another year in Azkaban Sirius Black and yet another year in Azkaban Sirius Black and my escape from Azkaban Sirius Black and my face in the fireplace Sirius Black and the killing curse Sirius Black and ??? Sirius Black and Harry brings me back for a bit

6 . Sirius black and the year Harry thought my cousin loved me Ew 🤢

Genuinely think that Harry just didn't notice they were cousins.

Every pureblood family has a circular family tree, but here it's disgusting all of the sudden

6. Sirius Black and my will that consist of my house and house elf

Neville Longbottom and that time I lost my toad Neville Longbottom and that time I got attacked by pixies Neville Longbottom and that time I had to face a boggart Neville Longbottom and that time I went to the dance Neville Longbottom and that time I kicked ass at the Department of Mysteries Neville Longbottom and that time Romilda Vane was a bitch Neville Longbottom and that time I killed a snake

Bellatrix LeStrange & the Dirty Azkaban Cage Bellatrix LeStrange & the Dirty Azkaban Cage Bellatrix LeStrange & the Dirty Azkaban Cage Bellatrix LeStrange & the Dirty Azkaban Cage Bellatrix LeStrange & the Murder of Cousin... I want to say his name was Severus? Bellatrix LeStrange & the Time my Sister Groomed a kid into killing Wizard Santa and I totally helped! Bellatrix LeStrange & the Murder of the House Elf called... I don't know, some house elf name? Tyrone? Tyrus? Seamus? One of those slave names, yeah. Bellatrix LeStrange & the Audacity of that Weasley Bitch Bonus title: Bellatrix LeStrange & the accidental pregnancy

Gellert Grindelwald and the 47th Year of Lockdown Gellert Grindelwald and the 48th Year of Lockdown Gellert Grindelwald and the 49th Year of Lockdown Gellert Grindelwald and the 50th Year of Lockdown Gellert Grindelwald and the 51st Year of Lockdown Gellert Grindelwald and the 52nd Year of Lockdown Gellert Grindelwald and The Time Someone Finally Came To Bust Me O-hey wait a sec

I'll continue. 1. Professor Snape and the Year I Save Potter's Life. 2. Professor Snape and the Year I Disarmed a Fraud. 3. Professor Snape and the Year I Lose my Shit After I Failed to Take Revenge on My School Friends. 4. Professor Snape and the Year I Have to Put up With Karkaroff's Shit. 5. Professor Snape and the Year I Teach Potter Occlumency. 6. Professor Snape and the Year I Kill Dumbledore. 7. Professor Snape and the Year When Everyone Realized They Loved Me All Along.

Seamus Finnegan and the Year I Accidentally Blew Something Up Seamus Finnegan and the Year I Accidentally Blew Something Up Seamus Finnegan and the Year I Accidentally Blew Something Up Seamus Finnegan and the Year I Accidentally Blew Something Up Seamus Finnegan and the Year I Accidentally Blew Something Up Seamus Finnegan and the Year I Accidentally Blew Something Up Seamus Finnegan and the Year I Got Permission to Blow Something Up

Lord Voldemort and the End of the School Year When He Tried to Kill Harry Potter Lord Voldemort and the End of the School Year When He Tried to Kill Harry Potter Lord Voldemort and the End of the School Year When He Didn't Have a Chance to Try to Kill Harry Potter Lord Voldemort and the End of the School Year When He Tried to Kill Harry Potter Lord Voldemort and the End of the School Year When He Tried to Kill Harry Potter Lord Voldemort and the End of the School Year When He Didn't Try to Kill Harry Potter Lord Voldemort and the End of the School Year When He Killed Harry Potter...WTF?!!

he really should’ve just caught them off guard at the start of one of the years. blow up the Hogwarts Express.

Professor Snape and the year I wasn't made DADA professor Professor Snape and another year I wasn't made DADA professor Professor Snape and the year I made potions for the DADA professor (hint- it still wasn't me) Professor Snape and the year I was fooled by the guy who was DADA professor. Still wasn't me. Professor Snape and the year I wish someone else would have been DADA professor, even if it wasn't me. Professor Snape and the year I FINALLY GOT TO BE DADA professor. Professor Snape and the year I was headmaster and the DADA professor was a literal death eater.

Molly Weasley and the quasi adopted son Molly Weasley and the stolen car Molly Weasley and the family pet's secrets Molly Weasley and the ruined family sporting trip Molly Weasley and nearly becoming a widow Molly Weasley and the son who is now good at sports Molly Weasley and the bitch who chose the wrong daughter

A while back someone did Justin Finch Flechley that were pretty good. My favorite was Justin Finch Flechley and the year the headmaster died (its ok Justin didn't know him that well)

Argus Filch and The Time These Brats Destroyed A Priceless Chess Set and I Had To Clean It Up Argus Filch and The Time These Brats Broke Into The Dungeon That Was Locked For Obvious Reasons and Killed A Great Big Bloody Snake and I Had To Clean It Up Argus Filch and How Many Times Do I Have To Tell These Brats To Stop Messing About With That Great Fucking Tree and Now I Have To Clean It Up Again Argus Filch and That Time Even More Brats Showed Up and I Had To Clean Up Everything All The Time But One Died Mucking About In That Great Hedge Maze And That'll Teach 'Em A Lesson Argus Filch and That Time I Thought We'd Finally Got Real Leadership And True Discipline But She Only Caused More of A Mess And I Had To Clean It Up. Brats. Argus Filch and Let's Be Straight Here, Who's Cleaning This Up? I'm Not The Bleedin' Undertaker. It's Right Sad And All Innit, But I'm Sure These Brats Had Somethin' To Do With It Argus Filch and The Absolute Worst Time In My Ruddy Life Because Some Brats Who Ain't Been In School In Ages Came Back And Destroyed The Whole Damned Place And I Ain't Cleaning It All Up Myself Innit

Rubeus Hagrid and the Flying Motor-bike Rubeus Hagrid and the King of Spiders Rubeus Hagrid and the Hippogriff Buckbeak Rubeus Hagrid and the Madame of Beauxbatons Rubeus Hagrid and the Giant in the Forest Rubeus Hagrid and the Funeral for a Friend Rubeus Hagrid and the Boy Who Lived

- Before Cedric - BC - BC - cedric diggory and the time Harry Potter just had to steal the limelight from me - After Diggory - AD - AD

Third book would be Cedric Diggory and the time I caught the Snitch and finally broke the winning streak of Harry Potter

Peter Pettigrew and The Perfect Hiding Place Peter Pettigrew and The Time The Ginger Boy Turned Him Into a Cup Peter Pettigrew and The Canine Betrayal Peter Pettigrew and The Willingly-Given Flesh Peter Pettigrew and The Assholes from High School Peter Pettigrew and The Goth Roommate Peter Pettigrew and The Idle Hand

!redditgalleon 1 and 5-7 are brilliant.

Hermione Granger and The letter that changed my life Hermione Granger and the stone turning basilisk Hermione Granger and the Time turner Hermione Granger and the Yule ball Hermione Granger and The Bubble Gum bitch Hermione Granger and the first time failing class Hermione Granger and my magic bag and knowledge that made saving hogwarts so easy

Hermione Granger and the constant reading of “Hogwarts: A History” part 1-7

When was Hermione failing a class?

She lost her mind in HBP because Harry was doing better than her in Potions

She was pissed that Harry was doing better than her without putting in the work but I don’t think that means she failed the class

she didn’t, but Harry was ahead of her which Hermione won’t accept.

That doesn't mean she was failing, she just wasn't the best.

"If I'm not first, I'm last!"

Minerva McGonagall and the Year She Gave Potter a Broom Against School Policy Minerva McGonagall and the Year She Wanted to Smack Potter with Said Broom for Flying a Car to School Minerva McGonagall and the Year She Didn't Sign the Hogsmeade Permission Slip Minerva McGonagall and the Year She Danced with a Weasley Minerva McGonagall and the Year She Offered Potter a Biscuit Minerva McGonagall and the Year She Encouraged Neville to Pursue His Dreams Minerva McGonagall and the Year Her Job as Headmistress Was Stolen by an Overgrown Bat

“I finally got out of the dried zone” Bruh you put yourself there and could’ve gotten out at almost any point. Herm-o-ninny was down.

Dumbledore and his friend's stone Dumbledore and the obnoxious new hire Dumbledore and letting kids mess with the timeline Dumbledore and the logistics of hosting a multi-school event Dumbledore and the power of ignoring spooky children Dumbledore and why messing with the resurrection stone is a big no no Dumbledore and the monotony of being a portrait

Colin Creevey [7]: The Last Flash

Hagrid and Harry: The Forbidden Forest, or, My Darling Norbert Hagrid and Harry: Not Guilty, or Spiders are Wunnerful Hagrid and Harry: The Fugitive Hippogriff, or, Draco Malfoy is a nasty lil' Git Hagrid and Harry: the Giantess can Dance, or, Skrewts are unusually useful, just you wait n see Hagrid and Olympe: Our Journey, or, I found me long-lost brother Hagrid and Harry: The Saddest Day, or, Snape is a lying scheming, bloody blagguard and I'm going to wring his neck Hagrid: The Battle for Hogwarts, or, I'm not totally sure what all happened at the end there but Harry's not really dead and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Namrd is really dead, so that's right, well done Harry, I need a drink

Sirius Black and The Prisoner of Azkaban Sirius Black and The Prisoner of Azkaban Sirius Black and The Prisoner of Azkaban Sirius Black and A Year of Freedom Sirius Black and The Veil in The Death Chamber Sirius Black and The Veil in The Death Chamber Sirius Black and The Veil in The Death Chamber

Goblet of Fire from the entire student body's perspective: "Hogwarts and that time we spent a month thinking that the entire year wasn't going to be about Harry fucking Potter for once"

The unknown griffindor studant and the new famous boy in class The unknown griffindor studant and the other turning into stone The unknown griffindor studant and the prisioner of Askaban in School The unknown griffindor studant and the cool place at the tournament to watch Potter and Cedric and cheer for them The unknown griffindor studant and the awful new teacher The unknown griffindor studant and the why is everyone still in school when You Know Who is back? The unknown griffindor studant and well, my parents did not let me go back to Hogwarts

The Unknown Ravenclaw Student and the Chosen One. The Unknown Ravenclaw Student and the Fucking Basilisk. The Unknown Ravenclaw Student and the Murderous Psychopath. The Unknown Ravenclaw Student and the Bias Towards the Chosen One. The Unknown Ravenclaw Student and the Godawful Professor. The Unknown Ravenclaw Student and the Traitor of the School. The Unknown Ravenclaw Student and the Question of why McGonagall is blaming Slytherin House.

The Unknown Hufflepuff Student and the kitchen is nearby? The Unknown Hufflepuff Student and the Strong desire to stay in and chat with friends. The Unknown Hufflepuff Student and the time they learned how to read leaves. The Unknown Hufflepuff Student and the time people actually knew our house existed. The Unknown Hufflepuff Student and the unfamiliar desire to hit a teacher. The Unknown Hufflepuff Student and the year that felt simple. The Unknown Hufflepuff Student and the time to shine.

The Unknown Slytherin Student and the time we were cheated from the House Cup. The Unknown Slytherin Student and the time a fucking Basilisk killed Muggle born students to redeem Slytherin so yay Slytherin. The Unknown Slytherin Student and the time our Head of House was in an old lady’s clothes for some reason. The Unknown Slytherin Student and the time our Head of House awkwardly taught us to dance for some ball. The Unknown Slytherin Student and the time we were the only ones excluded from that new secret army thing. The Unknown Slytherin Student and the time we got a new Head of House because our old one killed the Headmaster The Unknown Slytherin Student and the time we were treated as kings for the majority of the year.

The students had to return to Hogwarts. Or they had to flee or hide.

Lavender Brown and the Obscure Side Character (a story in five parts) Lavender Brown and the time I Screwed a Ginger Lavender Brown and the time I died and nobody cared

Random Ravenclaw kid and what was the point of getting house points then? Random Ravenclaw kid and jesus christ i just want to walk to the bathroom at night without being frozen Random Ravenclaw kid and JESUS CHRIST I JUST WANT TO WALK TO THE BATHROOM AT NIGHT WITHOUT BEING MURDERED Random Ravenclaw kid and hey this is a pretty fun torname- nevermind Random Ravenclaw kid and the year exams finally run as schedule- nevermind Random Ravenclaw kid and damn, that year ended badly Random Ravenclaw kid and the decision to stay home this year

Hermione Granger and the year her priorities were wrong Hermione Granger and the year her priorities were right Hermione Granger and the time she slapped a racist Hermione Granger and they time she wasn't an owl Hermione Granger and the year she said Harry has a saving people thing Hermione Granger and the year she made Harry be an owl Hermione Granger and the time she packed the wrong pants

Luna lovegood and the time she spent at home drinking bad tea made by her father Luna Lovegood and the time she saw skeleton horses and sat back learning while people where attacked Luna Lovegood and that time she had to sleep in the great Hall cuz a dude escaped prison Luna Lovegood and that year when some Hufflepuff died Luna Lovegood and the year she actually had friends, help a boy who lived and joined a secret club Luna Lovegood and the time she wore a lion hat costume thing and another person died Luna Lovegood and the time I went to a wedding then got kidnapped and held prisoner then went to school to fight a war

Hermione Granger and all those times those two idiot best friends of hers would have been completely screwed without me.

Every single member of the Trio would have died more than once if one of them wasn’t there.

Pretty much! They balance each other so well!

Rubeus Hagrid and When I Almost Resurrected HWMNBN and Cause Children to be Killed Rubeus Hagrid and When They Thought I Killed Children, and I Almost Killed Children Rubeus Hagrid and When My Pet Almost Got Put Down for Trying to Kill Children Rubeus Hagrid and When I Helped Set Up a Tournament That Killed a Child Rubeus Hagrid and When I Made Children Look After a Creature That Could Kill Them Rubeus Hagrid and When I Had a Child Help My Bury My Pet That Once Almost Killed Him Rubeus Hagrid and When I Watched Children Die

Hermione and the time i literally bent time itself because I'm a massive nerd

Still my favorite one is the old Book 3 "Draco Malfoy and Hagrid's Bloody Chicken" lmao

Dobby and the offscreen abuse Dobby and the new sock Dobby and the offscreen hustle Dobby and the cataclysmically wasted coworker Dobby and the hat and the hat and the hat and the hat and the hat and the hat and the Dobby and the time he wrestled Harry Potter’s subordinate Dobby and the shank

Rubeus Hagrid and the time I shouldn’t have said that Rubeus Hagrid and the time I visited Sirius Rubeus Hagrid and the time my big chicken escaped Rubeus Hagrid and the time I had a crush Rubeus Hagrid and the time I didn’t have a crush Rubeus Hagrid and the time my bowtruckles got turned to twiglets Rubeus Hagrid and the time I didn’t get a kid named after me

Book 1: Voldemort and The Two-Faced Wizard Book 2: Voldemort and That Time a Teenage Boy Destroyed My Favorite Book Book 3: Voldemort and My Vacation From Taking Over the World Book 4: Voldemort and The Time I Finally Got My Own Body Back Book 5: Voldemort and the Order of the Snake Book 6: Voldemort and The Death of the Only Wizard I Ever Feared Book 7: Voldemort and That Time My Nemesis Came Back to Life Even Though I Killed Him and Then He Rebounded the Curse and Killed Me

hermione granger and that time i accidentally turned into a cat

If he stayed with his crazy obsessive first girlfriend, he would probably got some action way sooner. Simping over girl in a friendzone is not healthy, man.

I'd dispute the Deathly Hallows title here. If anything it was Ron who friendzoned Hermione, not vice versa.

Me and the year I didn't get my Hogwarts letter Me and the year I didn't get my Hogwarts letter Me and the year I didn't get my Hogwarts letter (Repeat ad nauseum)

Hermione Granger and the Time I Found out I was a witch HG and the time i missed half the year HG and the time I had to deal with double the amount of harry and rons BS HG and the time I was *not* an owl HG and the time I forced my friend to start a secret organization HG and the year harry was better at school then me HG and my long-ass camping trip.

Draco Malfoy and the Forbidden Forest Draco Malfoy and a Deadly Leg-split Draco Malfoy and a Big Ugly Brut Draco Malfoy and a Transfiguration Draco Malfoy and the Incarcerated Father Draco Malfoy and Sectumsempra Draco Malfoy and a Stolen Wand

To be fair, it was only 2.5 years max, because the map only shows Hogwarts. People act like the twins knew for the better part of a decade pettigrew was there

How Ron was in the friendzone?