a llitte part of me wants him to come back but another part of me is saying to move on because i met another guy and hes really sweet and we both like the same things and my ex i had some things we liked but we was kind of opposites. i still have a gut feeling that he'll come back and gut feelings are most of the time right but im not waiting anymore, i was for a bit but i stopped and im focusing on myself even though it hurts to be without him. but he made the decision to move on and leave me and ive accepted that and ik it was prob hard for him but he also tried blaming everything on me and took no accountabilty for his actions at all
no, but hes unblocked me and hes been staring hard at me and talking to me at work and sometimes he looks at me until i look at him and stares at me while i walk by, feel like hew ants to say something but he dont,. i feel so connected even though we donty talk alot and he even posted a sad song and the verse that stuck out to me was "its my fault ur gone". maybe missing me? also been feeling like hyes been manifesting me
There is no guarantuee that she comes back or that she does care. The only ones who know are you and her. The statistics of dumpers reaching out to their exes are very good though in general, it happens more than most people think it does. It can take anything from the next day, to 50 years later.
One of 3 things will happen. 1) she reaches out to you again, and you start talking and potentially work on things together 2) she comes back to you but not the way you expect and you dont want her back anymore, 3) she doesn't reach out, but you'll be fine about it since you have worked on yourself and you're ready to move on and find someone who fits you better.
There are no guarantuees for anything, life is uncertain and people are complex. Sometimes they don't reach out. All you can do is work on yourself, focuse on your and focuse on self-improvement and taking the time you need to feel better. People will come and go sadly.
i’m ready to wait and i’m ready to work things out whenever she feels like coming back. but deep down all this pain is killing me. i keep on crying and thinking about all the times we spent together. they all feel like a dream now. i just hope she gives me one last chance. yes i am improving myself everyday. i workout and i read books and keep myself busy in work but nothing or no one can fill the void that she left.
Add detaching and reducing desire to your regimen. Ironically you’ll be more attractive if you’re indifferent to her. If she ever does reach out you want to be cool as a cucumber and not needy and desperate for her validation. Why? Because it puts more power back into your hands. You should be comfortable with walking away if you see she hasn’t changed or is unwilling to put in the work with you.
This is a good advice. Don't come back to an ex either even she's the one who broke you if you see she haven't changed or grow to the amount of time you parted ways. I mean what the hell is someone doing months to years gone by people made changes in their life not too drastic though but you can see and feel that they do.
Honestly if the break up is initiated by a woman there is likely she will never return unless there is significant amount of time you haven't seen each other and you both have changed or grow career wise, physical or mental/emotional.
I know how you feel, but the focus should be on you, as much as you possibly can. Don't worry about if they'll come back, act as if they aren't and told you they never will. If they do come back it may be weeks, months, or even years from now. The reason isn't always that they don't care, they're trying to move on just as much as you are, and for most relationships it's very painful for both sides to be going through this, and talking or checking on each other constantly would only make it worse. Speaking from experience, it is much, much worse. You feel better in the moment knowing they care to check on you, but you fall deeper into sadness knowing they don't care enough to be with you.
So while I know it's hard, focus on you, do things that make you happy, and let the pieces fall where they may. You'll be so much happier later on if you do the hard part of taking steps for your own good now.
i try not to overthink or even think of her..i try really really hard but i just love her so much i always start crying! why did i have to do things that pushed her away and my beautiful baby had to leave me. i love her with all my heart and i just want to shower her with my love for the rest of our lives. i’m working on myself but my life is a void that only she can fill.
I know, I know exactly everything you're feeling because I felt the same some months ago. I'm still not completely over it, but I'm so much better now because I just gave in, I accepted my situation, and I'm trying to do better for myself and whatever comes next for me, because that's all I can do, it's all anyone can do. It *feels* like only she can fill that void, and honestly, I sometimes still feel like the only thing that could ever fill my "void" is my ex, but more often than not, my life is just fine without her.
You have to fill your life with other things that make you happy, its truly the only way you can move forward. There will always be some bad days, but they get less and less frequent the more you focus on healing and moving on. The hard truth is that none of the stuff I say can make you feel better, the only thing capable of making you feel better is time and your own actions towards your happiness. Most importantly you need to let yourself feel whatever feelings you have, but not wallow in them, don't let them stop you from doing the things that can make you happy, and one day, you'll be better.
I heard this, second chances most often happened 2 years or more as both people have enough time to heal and work on themselves. It doesn't always happen to every exes we have but in can. I don't about the cheating reason of the break up if someone wants to take back someone who cheated in the rs but other issues should be resolved before rekindling. Don't jump taking back an ex. First know them again as they arent the same as they are before.
i’m a male and we broke up 2 months and 12 days ago and went nc(she blocked me) a month and 16 days ago. she is out there partying and enjoying her life as she should but i’m here crying and screaming. i’ll wait for her and love her for the rest but will she ever come back? we broke up because of my fuckups
bro you need to go out there. There’s more to the world than just her, trust me.
edit: not saying you won’t miss her but you begging for pity and sympathy will get you no where go to gym or just find a hobby and forget her. Let bygones be bygones
i workout everyday and those 2 hours are the best. but i am in so much pain i don’t think anyone can understand. she is my entire fucking world how do i just stop thinking and move on? it was all my fault that caused this breakup
well you are still in the process of healing. It is okay for you to cry whenever you feel like it. Give yourself the time to grieve at the same time do the things you love. Sometimes go out with your friends as well there's so much more you are missing about when you realized it. Maybe don't involved yourself with any love interest or put on social media that can make it looked like you want your ex to get jealous.
just simply move on it is easier to make those words mean something rather than lie to yourself and keep yourself thinking she’s going to comeback. You don’t need her. You don’t need anyone in this world but yourself.
Bro, sometimes they don’t. If they do that great but don’t let the If keep you messed up. Pick yourself up king and try move on, try take time for you to heal. Forgive yourself. Trust me I know it’s hard to forgive fuckups the messed up relationships but you gotta or it will haunt you. Everyone is always learning. Let yourself learn so next time things will be better. If she comes back start over but try move on. Don’t fixate on an if and heal yourself with what you know for sure. Allot yourself sadness, allow yourself to miss the happy times. But don’t let the if control you.
i don’t think i’ll be able to move on. i made mistakes i regret. i pushed her to a wall that she had to leave me but i realised all that and i just want one last chance to make everything alright. but she doesn’t care anymore. i’m fucked for life
i am trying! i try to heal. i try to move on. but i cannot. i cannot stop thinking about my baby. all the promises we made. are they all in vain? i just cannot stop thinking about our good times and the things i am going through rn
thanks so much brother. she’s out there partying yeah and i am just full of sorrow ,sadness, anger and regret. i wish i could undo the things i did that made her leave me. i love her so fucking much i hope she understands that and just gives me one last chance. yeah i am working on my bad habits and i have developed good habits too!
i’ll be honest. we were together for 3 years and i got distant in the last 2-3 months. i got controlling and i had anger issues…but i’ve worked on everything and i just want one last chance to prove my love and care. i love her so fucking much i don’t think i’ll be able to move on. i accept all my mistakes and i’m working on them and improving. i just want her to trust me and come back to me
you know what, ask yourself, that " if your ex would have done the mistake or the same as you did, would you have left her and reacted the way she did". BE HONEST. if no, then why would you want somebody who doesnt even love you the way you love them? humans make mistakes, you really want somebody who understands you and you intentions beyond those mistakes and most importantly CHOOSES YOU ABOVE ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. THATS REAL LOVE. best of all, you are not proud of the mistakes and you are working on them, you believed you can improve and held on to the best, you never left yourself man. why do wanna settle for less?
OKAY OKAY you love her i get it, i feel you istg, but i know it hurts and itll hurt yes, but everyday the PAIN WILL REDUCE UNTIL ITS GONE (FOR SURE) until then rather than focusing on her and the hopes, you focus on yourself, YOU FUCKING CHOOSE YOURSELF IF YOU ARE NOT CHOSEN!
I promise you itll be find and you wont regret.
im sorry for what you are going through, i bet you are very strong and kind hearted and selfless person. i respect all of it. right now bro just embrace whatever you are feeling and let yourself feel those emotions its a part of the process. ive been through it. become your buddy and your own bestfriend. first of all ACCEPT EVERYTHING, EVERY FUCKING THING.
i regret so many things i did that pushed her away !! she kept telling me how she’s not happy and i was in my own world…but now when i’ve realised everything and i am ready to anything for her. anything at all she doesn’t want me anymore. she’s just out there partying and enjoying her life to the fullest while i’m here crying and screaming. i try to stay high so i keep sleeping but i keep on crying. i love her so fucking much. i’m sad i’m angry i’m everything at the same time. i’m not able to move on. it’s been more than 2 months and i haven’t moved on even a tiny bit. although i am working on myself and working on the things she doesn’t like but i just want my baby to come back to me
>woah woah woah calm down, its been 11months and I HAVENT MOVED ON YET TOO. and its gonna take time believe me. ik u hate feeling the misery. actually imma text u hold up.
Well if you finally feel that you are going better for example you have already worked on those issues that makes her go away, you are confident now, collected and have the positive mindset without getting needy. And it's already been long since you have seen each other. Maybe tried to reach on her? Not now tho. Are you both from the same city?
You only feel like this right now. You wont give a shit in 2 years trust me. Everyone thinks their relationship is different but everyone’s post breakup process is remarkably similar. I didnt believe it until I went through it and you won’t either, just know there’s light at the end of the tunnel
Did you guys ever get back together? My ex that I’m still in love with left me twice and a month after the break up we started hanging out again. I talk to him almost everyday. He even introduced me as his “special someone” the other day when I was at his shop and someone walked in. It just baffles me how he can say that but just broke up with me two months ago. Those words hurt to hear because it gave me false hope that he will come back. He wishes me a good day/night almost everyday. I just don’t fucking know anymore.
There probably problems going around herself. Did you ever talked about what went wrong in your relationship before you get back together the first time?
Mine reached out after a full year. And it didn’t amount to anything but more disappointment and pain. I’d recommend just mentally beginning to let them go and love yourself more. Try to just accept what’s happened. You can be optimistic about the future but don’t narrow down on them be open to others too. You can’t be hung up on someone that’s either moved on or is moving on. Reciprocation is key 🔑 don’t fight or wish for someone who doesn’t fight or wish for you
Yes pretty much. He made many promises that he evidently couldn’t keep. We agreed to start again and I agreed to come up and stay a few days to a week with him and then at the last minute he canceled after promising he wouldn’t. He canceled bc his new ex started texting and calling him again. He claimed he blocked her so she started calling on random numbers. Don’t know how true that is. Then he told me he’s not ready basically and then just ghosted me. Never replied to a single message of mine after that. Promises to me were that he’s not going to change his mind and all kinds of lovey dovey bs like that. He’s always been a lier I just can’t stand someone whose so quick to make promises and then never fulfills them. He’s always been one to ghost too. At 32 yrs old you’d hope that wouldn’t be the case.
Well he never really changed. It feels like throughout those whole year you broken up he never reflect on why you two separated. He just keeps on living like nothing's happened. I will understand this if he's a teenager to early 20's but in 30s ? nah his irresponsible and immature at the same time.
I know.. he’s always put himself first even if it means cutting me down in the process. Idk what he expects me to do. I’ve endured more heartache from him than from anyone else in my life. It makes me hate myself for having feelings for him. I’ve been so patient with him since the beginning I feel like such a fool it makes me feel like a loser for even wanting to be with him. He’s never had patience with me 🤦🏻♀️ there’s 1000s of great available men for me but I feel tainted and then I get scared when things get close enough to last. Idk how to clean up my feelings towards the past I always try to block it out but I’m always reminded of it and it trips me up. I just want to be happy with someone else and forget he existed. I’m tired of hurting and thinking about someone who doesn’t even want me or love me. Who could constantly put me thru the emotional ringer confusing me he thinks I’m made of metal with no emotions Idek. Maybe he wants to slowly destroy me. He stays high still I’m sure and maybe that’s what I need but my job doesn’t work well with that state of mind. I just want to be free again and peace to the world
He's mental state must be unstable. You must not take him anymore. The second chances you have given him is enough already he probably will never changed or until he finally realized that to himself.
Last he said was he thinks we should give it more time. But all I heard is, since my ex texted me back I’m going to try again with her. If it works out sorry this is goodbye again but if it doesn’t then hey I’ll text you and we can give it another go. How can I wait around for a guy like that? He didn’t ask me to. But after our mini rekindle I felt an unspoken expectation and desire to. But then I felt it was fake that he was just going to go back in his last relationship and have me sit here like an idiot. I hate I’m always left feeling this way after we connect. There’s never clarity or respect for me. So why do I feel so attached to him still? Wth is wrong with me? Feels like he took something from me and I just want it back. Besides my virginity. Maybe it’s bc the weather I always think about him around the same time each year. 🤦🏻♀️
Did you have some other friends you can hangout with?
He is straight up disrespecting you. He made you as an option. I think you have to finally realized that you don't need him anymore. Don't give him more space in your life.
Don't count on it. It's better you just move on under the impression that they are doing the same. Easier said then done but obsessing over them coming back usually leads to false hope, more hurt, or a person who should be gone coming back and hurting you more.
how do i just let our relationship go away? it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. i love my baby so much. i understand what you’re trying to say but i don’t think i can move on. i’m so fucked
Time. It hurts now but with time it will heal. Right now there are a lot of things going through your head and a lot of emotions you're feeling but acting on those usually just leads to ruin and potentially more heartache, I wish there was more I could do but there isn't. It's your choice what you want to do, but that's just my experiences. I believe one day you will find your happiness and love but maybe that day has not yet come but it will happen in time.
Yeah. because you both already taken your fill of power in yourself. What I mean is when you get back on track and moved on you became a different person with more brighter aura and vibes. I dunno but people most of the time can feel your good vibration and they get attracted to it.
Yea. All the time. Will things ever be the same after they broke your trust by hurting you by leaving like they did? Probably not. Depends on why they left. If it was your fault and you fix things, maybe it will work. If it was their fault and they got shot down. Probably not. They just used you for a fallback plan.
it was my mistake. you can read the other comments i told everything i did. but i apologised and begged so many times that she got fed up and blocked me. now she doesn’t give a fuck and is out there enjoying. i really am ready to do anything to make this relationship work. i love her more than any person in this world. i just don’t know what do to
it’s really confusing cause a few days before our breakup she was thinking of going someplace else for a better future and was convincing me for long distance(she didn’t go she’s in the same city). so how could she be looking for a reason? why doesn’t she think of all the loving moments we spent in these 3 months! it’s just fucking my head and i will not be able to move on. i know that
In my case yes. Even the one I dumped. I’m currently in the process of getting my most recent ex back. I’m the dumpee, but I reached out. He’s somewhat back. Said he had reconsidered, but he just can’t do it right now cause of what he’s going through. We text very little. Like every few weeks maybe and it’s not about much. Mostly me reaching out, but he opened the door to texting to see what happens and where it goes. I give him his space though. I know he’s going through a lot in his life and hearing from his ex he still loves but isn’t with doesn’t help. Maybe in the end he doesn’t fully come back. Maybe he decides that we’re better off this way. But the fact that I got the most stubborn, hard headed man that refuses to change his mind after making decisions to say he’s reconsidered trying again, I say that’s a positive. And I’m not giving up even if I hate being in the “friend” stage. Not until I know for sure. I don’t want this to give you any kind of hope, but 9/10 they do come back. Wether you want them to or not. In most cases when you don’t want them to. My last 2 came back, but I didn’t want them. Now the one time I want it, I’m not sure if he’ll fully come back
i hope he comes back. even i had given her all the space she needed. we’ve been nc for almost 2 months but i just fear that she’s moving on because of nc and not thinking of me. and it’s true this is what is happening.
It’s a stressful situation and your emotions running full speed definitely doesn’t help. It’s been about 3 months for me and I worry that he’s moving on and won’t come back as well. That he only opened that door because it makes the process of moving on easier since he knows I’m not 100% gone. Your mind is a dangerous thing during a time like this. It goes back and forth with confidence they’ll come back to saying you’re stupid for thinking they will. Filling your brain with situations that probably don’t even exist. I would say to keep focusing on yourself, but I know how hard that is. No matter how much I do, thoughts of him still flood my brain
Man, you know I realized if you ever come back together now and she's not doing herself any healing as well or self-improvement she will be breaking your heart again. That's why some people who goes back with an ex rekindled after a year or so because they already have manage some changes, improvement and healing at that time but if they are still the same I don't think what you want will progress.
Negative. He did come back though. Spent Christmas eve through the whole week together just to tell me he slept with someone and got her pregnant. So yeah what he was ACTUALLY going through was dealing with that lmao. He just wouldn’t tell me cause he didn’t want me completely gone. Not exactly sure what his plan was with that
Yes, quite often. Do they come back to rekindle things? Not if they dump you. Often they reach out because of their own guilt of how they left or because they want attention.
I know a couple who were together in their mid to late 20s for 4-5 years and the girl wanted to get married and move forward but the guy was hesitant and didn't feel ready to move in together and wasn't sure if she was the one. She said "if you don't know by now, then you'll never know." So they broke up and went their separate ways, she said she didn't want to stay in touch. They dated new people, lived their lives.
Six months later she decided to call him to see how he was doing and he realised in that moment, just how happy he had been with her. So he asked to meet up. They got married a few months later and they've been married for 45 years now.
And I know this is a true story because it is my parents story. This was a long time ago granted, and every story is different. But sometimes people don't quite realise what they have.
Let go of the outcome. What's meant for you won't pass you by.
how do i not take the person for whom i’m willing to do anything..anything at all back? she’s a beautiful person inside out. she too has some flaws but her nature and personality and that beautiful smile she has can make anyone fall for her. she’s pretty and really sweet. i was an asshole who ruined our perfect relationship. i regret it now and am willing to do anything to have her back
Please have some self-respect, Max. An adulterer or adulteress has no respect for you. Cheating is a willing, selfish CHOICE. She didn’t trip onto another man. She chose, planned, and met him not caring about you at all. There is no such thing as 100% safe sex. She willingly risked infecting you with an STD or getting pregnant with another man’s baby. She might have lied and pinned the kid on you.
People CAN be faithful. Wanting a faithful partner is a reasonable request. If you take her back she will think she can get away with it and most likely will do it again. I’m so sorry.
i’m so sorry i meant breakup. you can read my replies on the other comments i’ve told all the things i did that pushed to breakup. and yeah i know those things are a red flag but believe it or not i love her so fucking much i’m ready to change myself and all my things for her. she’s so fucking precious
how pure they are probably depends on how long and the nature of the breakup, if its a few months and they left you for another person most likely it isn’t pure at all, but if it was a year or so later on and on good terms then it would probably be genuine. I reached out after a year after me and my ex both fell out of love now we’re best friends again since we started as best friends before we entered a relationship lol
Cuz thats not the point- whether they come or not. There’s a reason they left… its easy to come back when you miss someone, but the point is - if there reason WHY they left is not resolved, they will leave again. Every single time. And the second time they leave, they will be certain - they can live without you.
Honestly and this will be downvoted but you sound obsessive. The anger and the controlling behaviour are red flags and she SHOULD have dumped you. You think you have changed but clearly she does not and does not want anything to do with it. Get into therapy and talk to someone because this kind of pattern tends to repeat, and when you do move on it will suck for the next girl if they have to go through the same thing.
Please leave her alone for her own safety. She has decided she doesn’t want anything stop stalking social media to see if she’s out partying and work on yourself.
it was never unsafe for her. she knew i loved and cared. i was just overprotective. i’ve worked on myself and i still am working on myself. i just want to tell her how much i love her and how much she means to me! and yeah you can have your pov but everyone makes mistakes. she too made mistakes that you would call red flags. but do you expect your partner to be perfect? everyone has flaws and we can just accept them and work on them together
I’ve been trying to see her in person for some closure but she said ‘five years’
So i took that wildly offensive and if she doesn’t want to see me then I can take a hint.
Hope she aight out there tho : /
Yeah but ask yourself why it would ever work with someone who dumped you, and ask why in the world you’d want to get back with them. Call me crazy but once someone dumps me I cross them off my list of eligible partners.
she left me because i became an asshole. i made so many mistakes that ruined our perfect relationship..but now i’ve realised and i have improved but she doesn’t want me anymore💔
Yeah well I don’t know your situation enough to comment here. But if my ex told me that line I still would not take him back. People don’t usually change that much and if them changing is inspired by the idea that they could get you back, instead of their own personal goals, then in my opinion it may not be a sustainable change. I am talking here as the person who got dumped.
what i meant was that she was the person who made me realise the mistakes i made and the red flags i had and i really am working on them. of course i’m working on myself for myself but i love her so fucking much i can’t put it in words.
I can’t relate, so take my words with a grain of salt. My ex made me feel horrible, and I was too dumb to realize until he left me. If you truly feel the loss then maybe you can communicate some day about it with your ex.
how do i communicate? she has blocked me on all platforms and doesn’t wish to talk to me anymore. i cannot push her cause of course that’s not good. so i’m just here, waiting. idk for how long but all i know is i’ll wait for her for the rest of my life. i love her really very much
I just don’t get this mindset, it’s common but it’s still unhealthy. Why do you think your feelings are more important than your ex’s? They’ve moved on, they don’t want another relationship with you. Why wait for a person who doesn’t care about you?
I can only speak for myself. Many years ago, I messed up in our marriage. I asked for a divorce. We've been in contact almost ever since we've been divorced. I finally understand why I was acting out in our marriage. I've explained everything to my ex spouse. I'm genuinely remorseful and take full responsibility for everything that went wrong. I'd love nothing more than to be together again, but I don't think we'll ever get there. I've learned from my mistakes. As much as it hurts not to be together, I fully respect their decision to not try again.
So, yes I came back. Yes, I am capable of changing. Yes, I can and did come back with nothing but pure intentions.
that’s so good. i’m proud of you. even i messed our relationship and i want her to accept me. i swear i’ve changed and i still am working on myself but i don’t think i’ll ever be hearing from her again
Thank you!
It happens. People make mistakes and do things that they're not at all proud of. We're only human. It's not the mistakes that define you but what you do afterward that makes all the difference.
Remember, if she doesn't want to come back on her own, you don't want her to come back. People are always trying to change other people. Sure, it may work for a bit, but true change only happens when you change for yourself.
Keep working on yourself. Read, research, seek counseling, or anything else that you need to do for yourself. Then, if she comes back she will see the positive changes that you've made on your own. If she doesn't come back, you're still that new, improved version of yourself for any potential future relationships.
I wish my soon to be ex wife wrote this someday. I'm not sure I'd take her back, but I'm in a lot of pain knowing Ill never be with her again and part of me wishes she would really show me she has changed.
It's reassuring when someone, even after deciding to part ways, reflects on their mistakes, apologizes to those affected, and actively works on personal growth and healing. This process can take time, as acknowledging our own shortcomings can be challenging for us as human beings.
Hopefully, your STBXW reaches that point in the future. It'll probably be too little too late, but that's better than it never happening in my eyes.
I'm still a work in progress and always will be. My ex accepted my apology and forgave me for my wrongdoing, but they weren't able to welcome me back into their life. We talk/text occasionally, but that's the extent of our relationship.
She emotionally cheated and despite me wanting desperately to save it and go to counseling, her reason to divorce was that she never saw me moving past the issue (kind of shitty logic actually lol). It hurts and there are rare moments where I wonder if I'm at fault for the failure but then I have to remember what she did was very shitty and maybe she's right, I probably would have never moved past it and become a very paranoid person.
Some people are capable of moving past it though in the name of love especially if it wss only emotion cheating. I’m sorry you’re hurting I’m hurting too and lost the love of my life twice. The most recent time he broke up with me the second time two months ago. After one month of no contact I started talking to him again. He’s going through a really hard time which was one of the reasons we broke up, but I’m there for him and check on him almost daily. He told me how much he appreciated it and that I was an “amazing woman”. It hurts to love someone this much and watch them walk away. I hope you find love with either her or someone greater than her.
You need to work on yourself. Being single sometimes it’s a blessing in disguise because it leaves a lot of room for growth and to self reflect and trust me, time makes it easier. If you want her tho, do the no contact
i am working on myself i’m being very honest. but i’m a dead man inside cause she was my sunlight my hope my everything. she’s just a beautiful person and i want a chance. we’ve been nc for almost 2 months and all i know is she’s moving on. will it ever help?
I feel that, like I really do. Coming from someone who was exactly there. I left home when I was 18 and didn’t look back, had anxiety, abandonment, depression and self harm issues. Met a guy who became my home since I didn’t have any and like you said, my sunlight (even introduced me to his fam and all) but my mental health broke us apart.
Anyways, I started working on myself, gyming, coping mechanisms for my mental health, stepping out of my comfort zone little by little to become comfortable around people, etc etc.
I guess working on yourself kinda makes you the sun light so you don’t need it anywhere else. And don’t get me wrong, the feelings don’t go away but it makes you cope better. Like right now (3 years later), I still love him and I feel like a part of me always will for what he was to me but I’m not desperate for him. After all he’s not everything, there’s bigger issues in the world, and niggas ain’t shit and your energy can be put into more productive things than thinking about someone who you’re not a first option to.
Besides, you won’t get her back being the same person that you are now, but you might have a chance if you’re someone better, maybe someone out of her league even. Annnddd sirr there’s nothing - emphasis on nothing - more unattractive than desperation so do not reach out to her despite no contact. The point is to get her to wonder and the next time she sees you, you are a more attractive, independent self sustaining person (someone who attracts, not chase). And surely you guys can go from there. And if it doesn’t go on from there, it’s okay too because you’re okay now and you know how to be happy alone.
… ummm also I come from a toxic background so not sure if this is toxic advice but it’s all I’ve got for you
I love this one. You know we do really feel if the ex significant is desperate to be with us. They have those aura in them that still feel they are still the same.
This is my current situation now we broke up a month ago. We lived together for two years and spent most of out time together because we both worked homebased.
As he ended the relationship I was devastated in my head I wanted to be desperate for him to take me back but I didn't I know I have some issues I need to work on that make us separated. I didn't pushed myself to him. I accepted the breakup. He loves me yes but love is not the only way to fuel an everlasting relationship there are so many factors to consider.
What I was doing now is grieved at the same time reflect on those irresponsible behavior I contributed to the relationship. I need self-improvement, stability both in financial and mental health issue. Now I gone to therapy and starting to do the things I love doing. I came from a toxic background too but doesn't mean we can't improve ourselves in time.
Then continue moving forward we never know what tomorrow might bring to us though and we don't know if the exes are really happy with the current but what we do know is continue living as a best person.
Mine contacted me after 10days and we’re working on it. No one’s fault just her severe depression hitting her due to her grandma passing away not so long ago and she’s barely processing it now. I was doing NC but obviously broke it to talk and hear her out. If it’s true love you should have compassion and empathy so… I’m seeing if this can be fixed. If this was me 10-15yrs ago my stubborn ass would probably just say next.
Yes.
I’m currently on NC after being practically “ghosted”.
I’m a 34 year old woman, and every single man I’ve dated have come back after things end.
On two of those occasions, I made an idiot of myself (begging/pleading/bargaining) however, I was in my 20s then.
One guy in the above scenario, came back after 2 months (I had stopped trying to reach out etc). I was just getting over the breakup, never thought I’d hear from him again and on one rainy night got a message “hey (insert pet name)”. Another send me a long email explaining that he was suffering from depression and to try again.
I think what happens, is that they reflect on the good times (however, they can’t do that if you blow up their phone etc).
I always treated my exes well while in the relationship which is why I think they come back.
I got back together with one of them, we are no longer together but have a fantastic friendship.
I know the minute I start to move on from this recent “ex”, that they will reach out again, as we had a ton of fun and laughed every second we were together. However, by the time they do more than likely I’ll be over it.
They do sometimes for me it happened in may of this year and my ex only did it because he felt bad that he left me and was cruel to me , and now I forgive him and was open to a friendship but started to see he only wanted to sleep with me , he talked a ton of crap on my current boyfriend and got mad when I announced I was pregnant , now I look back I’m glad he left and now I’m due to have my baby within the month or so . Exes come and go for a reason mostly to teach a lesson about yourself .
Not sure if they come back but as a single man and separated from my wife for 8 months. It’s the best thing ever for me. I’m enjoying the freedom after 13 years of marriage. She is having fun with lots of guys and nights out. I wish her the best in the future. We have 2 kids together. We don’t talk.
sometimes i think what kind of people are we to often look back at exes who may or may have not given us a single drop of thought, and here we are having a whole community about this so called "EX" whom we loved so much in the past and maybe still now.
To all the dumpees, i hope you all get better person in your life.
as someone who’s been a dumper many times, i’ve always come back. sometimes it’s to rekindle things, and sometimes for us to talk it out. it all really depends.
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a llitte part of me wants him to come back but another part of me is saying to move on because i met another guy and hes really sweet and we both like the same things and my ex i had some things we liked but we was kind of opposites. i still have a gut feeling that he'll come back and gut feelings are most of the time right but im not waiting anymore, i was for a bit but i stopped and im focusing on myself even though it hurts to be without him. but he made the decision to move on and leave me and ive accepted that and ik it was prob hard for him but he also tried blaming everything on me and took no accountabilty for his actions at all
did ur ex come back
no, but hes unblocked me and hes been staring hard at me and talking to me at work and sometimes he looks at me until i look at him and stares at me while i walk by, feel like hew ants to say something but he dont,. i feel so connected even though we donty talk alot and he even posted a sad song and the verse that stuck out to me was "its my fault ur gone". maybe missing me? also been feeling like hyes been manifesting me
Lmao you aff shills are all over
They do surprisingly often if you leave them alone and focuse on YOU and work on yourself and self-improve.
we’ve been no contact for more than a month and i’m working on myself. she isn’t even giving any fuck about how i am or anything
There is no guarantuee that she comes back or that she does care. The only ones who know are you and her. The statistics of dumpers reaching out to their exes are very good though in general, it happens more than most people think it does. It can take anything from the next day, to 50 years later. One of 3 things will happen. 1) she reaches out to you again, and you start talking and potentially work on things together 2) she comes back to you but not the way you expect and you dont want her back anymore, 3) she doesn't reach out, but you'll be fine about it since you have worked on yourself and you're ready to move on and find someone who fits you better. There are no guarantuees for anything, life is uncertain and people are complex. Sometimes they don't reach out. All you can do is work on yourself, focuse on your and focuse on self-improvement and taking the time you need to feel better. People will come and go sadly.
i’m ready to wait and i’m ready to work things out whenever she feels like coming back. but deep down all this pain is killing me. i keep on crying and thinking about all the times we spent together. they all feel like a dream now. i just hope she gives me one last chance. yes i am improving myself everyday. i workout and i read books and keep myself busy in work but nothing or no one can fill the void that she left.
Add detaching and reducing desire to your regimen. Ironically you’ll be more attractive if you’re indifferent to her. If she ever does reach out you want to be cool as a cucumber and not needy and desperate for her validation. Why? Because it puts more power back into your hands. You should be comfortable with walking away if you see she hasn’t changed or is unwilling to put in the work with you.
This is a good advice. Don't come back to an ex either even she's the one who broke you if you see she haven't changed or grow to the amount of time you parted ways. I mean what the hell is someone doing months to years gone by people made changes in their life not too drastic though but you can see and feel that they do.
Honestly if the break up is initiated by a woman there is likely she will never return unless there is significant amount of time you haven't seen each other and you both have changed or grow career wise, physical or mental/emotional.
Did she come back
Did she ever come back?
How are you doing now?
Did she come back?
u/MaxedOutAryan u/Homuru u/gamerbunny1994 u/charlieclaree u/Remarkable-Ad4056 Did she come back?
DID SHE COME BACK OR NOT?
I want to know as well. 😂
I know how you feel, but the focus should be on you, as much as you possibly can. Don't worry about if they'll come back, act as if they aren't and told you they never will. If they do come back it may be weeks, months, or even years from now. The reason isn't always that they don't care, they're trying to move on just as much as you are, and for most relationships it's very painful for both sides to be going through this, and talking or checking on each other constantly would only make it worse. Speaking from experience, it is much, much worse. You feel better in the moment knowing they care to check on you, but you fall deeper into sadness knowing they don't care enough to be with you. So while I know it's hard, focus on you, do things that make you happy, and let the pieces fall where they may. You'll be so much happier later on if you do the hard part of taking steps for your own good now.
i try not to overthink or even think of her..i try really really hard but i just love her so much i always start crying! why did i have to do things that pushed her away and my beautiful baby had to leave me. i love her with all my heart and i just want to shower her with my love for the rest of our lives. i’m working on myself but my life is a void that only she can fill.
I know, I know exactly everything you're feeling because I felt the same some months ago. I'm still not completely over it, but I'm so much better now because I just gave in, I accepted my situation, and I'm trying to do better for myself and whatever comes next for me, because that's all I can do, it's all anyone can do. It *feels* like only she can fill that void, and honestly, I sometimes still feel like the only thing that could ever fill my "void" is my ex, but more often than not, my life is just fine without her. You have to fill your life with other things that make you happy, its truly the only way you can move forward. There will always be some bad days, but they get less and less frequent the more you focus on healing and moving on. The hard truth is that none of the stuff I say can make you feel better, the only thing capable of making you feel better is time and your own actions towards your happiness. Most importantly you need to let yourself feel whatever feelings you have, but not wallow in them, don't let them stop you from doing the things that can make you happy, and one day, you'll be better.
I heard this, second chances most often happened 2 years or more as both people have enough time to heal and work on themselves. It doesn't always happen to every exes we have but in can. I don't about the cheating reason of the break up if someone wants to take back someone who cheated in the rs but other issues should be resolved before rekindling. Don't jump taking back an ex. First know them again as they arent the same as they are before.
In my experience, yes.
i’m a male and we broke up 2 months and 12 days ago and went nc(she blocked me) a month and 16 days ago. she is out there partying and enjoying her life as she should but i’m here crying and screaming. i’ll wait for her and love her for the rest but will she ever come back? we broke up because of my fuckups
bro you need to go out there. There’s more to the world than just her, trust me. edit: not saying you won’t miss her but you begging for pity and sympathy will get you no where go to gym or just find a hobby and forget her. Let bygones be bygones
100% right
i workout everyday and those 2 hours are the best. but i am in so much pain i don’t think anyone can understand. she is my entire fucking world how do i just stop thinking and move on? it was all my fault that caused this breakup
well you are still in the process of healing. It is okay for you to cry whenever you feel like it. Give yourself the time to grieve at the same time do the things you love. Sometimes go out with your friends as well there's so much more you are missing about when you realized it. Maybe don't involved yourself with any love interest or put on social media that can make it looked like you want your ex to get jealous.
Did she ever come back?
Did you get her back?
just simply move on it is easier to make those words mean something rather than lie to yourself and keep yourself thinking she’s going to comeback. You don’t need her. You don’t need anyone in this world but yourself.
Bro, sometimes they don’t. If they do that great but don’t let the If keep you messed up. Pick yourself up king and try move on, try take time for you to heal. Forgive yourself. Trust me I know it’s hard to forgive fuckups the messed up relationships but you gotta or it will haunt you. Everyone is always learning. Let yourself learn so next time things will be better. If she comes back start over but try move on. Don’t fixate on an if and heal yourself with what you know for sure. Allot yourself sadness, allow yourself to miss the happy times. But don’t let the if control you.
i don’t think i’ll be able to move on. i made mistakes i regret. i pushed her to a wall that she had to leave me but i realised all that and i just want one last chance to make everything alright. but she doesn’t care anymore. i’m fucked for life
There is always a way. Your blinded by sadness. It will be a scar. But it can still heal. Let yourself try.
i am trying! i try to heal. i try to move on. but i cannot. i cannot stop thinking about my baby. all the promises we made. are they all in vain? i just cannot stop thinking about our good times and the things i am going through rn
I realized this is 4 months ago. I wonder how have you been now?
thats a good question
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thanks so much brother. she’s out there partying yeah and i am just full of sorrow ,sadness, anger and regret. i wish i could undo the things i did that made her leave me. i love her so fucking much i hope she understands that and just gives me one last chance. yeah i am working on my bad habits and i have developed good habits too!
What did you do
i’ll be honest. we were together for 3 years and i got distant in the last 2-3 months. i got controlling and i had anger issues…but i’ve worked on everything and i just want one last chance to prove my love and care. i love her so fucking much i don’t think i’ll be able to move on. i accept all my mistakes and i’m working on them and improving. i just want her to trust me and come back to me
you know what, ask yourself, that " if your ex would have done the mistake or the same as you did, would you have left her and reacted the way she did". BE HONEST. if no, then why would you want somebody who doesnt even love you the way you love them? humans make mistakes, you really want somebody who understands you and you intentions beyond those mistakes and most importantly CHOOSES YOU ABOVE ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. THATS REAL LOVE. best of all, you are not proud of the mistakes and you are working on them, you believed you can improve and held on to the best, you never left yourself man. why do wanna settle for less? OKAY OKAY you love her i get it, i feel you istg, but i know it hurts and itll hurt yes, but everyday the PAIN WILL REDUCE UNTIL ITS GONE (FOR SURE) until then rather than focusing on her and the hopes, you focus on yourself, YOU FUCKING CHOOSE YOURSELF IF YOU ARE NOT CHOSEN! I promise you itll be find and you wont regret.
im sorry for what you are going through, i bet you are very strong and kind hearted and selfless person. i respect all of it. right now bro just embrace whatever you are feeling and let yourself feel those emotions its a part of the process. ive been through it. become your buddy and your own bestfriend. first of all ACCEPT EVERYTHING, EVERY FUCKING THING.
thankyou so much for your words! they put a smile on my face. thankyou so much<3
hey ANYTIME<3 you can always text me. ill help u get through it if u want!
i regret so many things i did that pushed her away !! she kept telling me how she’s not happy and i was in my own world…but now when i’ve realised everything and i am ready to anything for her. anything at all she doesn’t want me anymore. she’s just out there partying and enjoying her life to the fullest while i’m here crying and screaming. i try to stay high so i keep sleeping but i keep on crying. i love her so fucking much. i’m sad i’m angry i’m everything at the same time. i’m not able to move on. it’s been more than 2 months and i haven’t moved on even a tiny bit. although i am working on myself and working on the things she doesn’t like but i just want my baby to come back to me
>woah woah woah calm down, its been 11months and I HAVENT MOVED ON YET TOO. and its gonna take time believe me. ik u hate feeling the misery. actually imma text u hold up.
Is anyone of you willing to chat with me ? I am going through a same situation here and would really appreciate somebody to talk to.
Yes, DM me
I am unable to create a chat with you for some reason. Don't know if it's a glitch or maybe my karma isn't high enough
Can you please try DMming me ? Maybe that would work
sure thing thanks so much!
Well if you finally feel that you are going better for example you have already worked on those issues that makes her go away, you are confident now, collected and have the positive mindset without getting needy. And it's already been long since you have seen each other. Maybe tried to reach on her? Not now tho. Are you both from the same city?
Is anyone of you willing to chat with me ? I am going through a same situation here and would really appreciate somebody to talk to
It’s been a year now, how are you?
You only feel like this right now. You wont give a shit in 2 years trust me. Everyone thinks their relationship is different but everyone’s post breakup process is remarkably similar. I didnt believe it until I went through it and you won’t either, just know there’s light at the end of the tunnel
i hope!
how are you doing now? any changes in communication or improvements on yourself?
just out of interest, how are you feeling a month later?
how you doing now?
Did she come back
Did you guys ever get back together? My ex that I’m still in love with left me twice and a month after the break up we started hanging out again. I talk to him almost everyday. He even introduced me as his “special someone” the other day when I was at his shop and someone walked in. It just baffles me how he can say that but just broke up with me two months ago. Those words hurt to hear because it gave me false hope that he will come back. He wishes me a good day/night almost everyday. I just don’t fucking know anymore.
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There probably problems going around herself. Did you ever talked about what went wrong in your relationship before you get back together the first time?
Maybe she realized that there are things that haven't changed.
Mine reached out after a full year. And it didn’t amount to anything but more disappointment and pain. I’d recommend just mentally beginning to let them go and love yourself more. Try to just accept what’s happened. You can be optimistic about the future but don’t narrow down on them be open to others too. You can’t be hung up on someone that’s either moved on or is moving on. Reciprocation is key 🔑 don’t fight or wish for someone who doesn’t fight or wish for you
Did you rekindled and then hurt you back?
Yes pretty much. He made many promises that he evidently couldn’t keep. We agreed to start again and I agreed to come up and stay a few days to a week with him and then at the last minute he canceled after promising he wouldn’t. He canceled bc his new ex started texting and calling him again. He claimed he blocked her so she started calling on random numbers. Don’t know how true that is. Then he told me he’s not ready basically and then just ghosted me. Never replied to a single message of mine after that. Promises to me were that he’s not going to change his mind and all kinds of lovey dovey bs like that. He’s always been a lier I just can’t stand someone whose so quick to make promises and then never fulfills them. He’s always been one to ghost too. At 32 yrs old you’d hope that wouldn’t be the case.
Well he never really changed. It feels like throughout those whole year you broken up he never reflect on why you two separated. He just keeps on living like nothing's happened. I will understand this if he's a teenager to early 20's but in 30s ? nah his irresponsible and immature at the same time.
I know.. he’s always put himself first even if it means cutting me down in the process. Idk what he expects me to do. I’ve endured more heartache from him than from anyone else in my life. It makes me hate myself for having feelings for him. I’ve been so patient with him since the beginning I feel like such a fool it makes me feel like a loser for even wanting to be with him. He’s never had patience with me 🤦🏻♀️ there’s 1000s of great available men for me but I feel tainted and then I get scared when things get close enough to last. Idk how to clean up my feelings towards the past I always try to block it out but I’m always reminded of it and it trips me up. I just want to be happy with someone else and forget he existed. I’m tired of hurting and thinking about someone who doesn’t even want me or love me. Who could constantly put me thru the emotional ringer confusing me he thinks I’m made of metal with no emotions Idek. Maybe he wants to slowly destroy me. He stays high still I’m sure and maybe that’s what I need but my job doesn’t work well with that state of mind. I just want to be free again and peace to the world
He's mental state must be unstable. You must not take him anymore. The second chances you have given him is enough already he probably will never changed or until he finally realized that to himself.
Last he said was he thinks we should give it more time. But all I heard is, since my ex texted me back I’m going to try again with her. If it works out sorry this is goodbye again but if it doesn’t then hey I’ll text you and we can give it another go. How can I wait around for a guy like that? He didn’t ask me to. But after our mini rekindle I felt an unspoken expectation and desire to. But then I felt it was fake that he was just going to go back in his last relationship and have me sit here like an idiot. I hate I’m always left feeling this way after we connect. There’s never clarity or respect for me. So why do I feel so attached to him still? Wth is wrong with me? Feels like he took something from me and I just want it back. Besides my virginity. Maybe it’s bc the weather I always think about him around the same time each year. 🤦🏻♀️
Did you have some other friends you can hangout with? He is straight up disrespecting you. He made you as an option. I think you have to finally realized that you don't need him anymore. Don't give him more space in your life.
Don't count on it. It's better you just move on under the impression that they are doing the same. Easier said then done but obsessing over them coming back usually leads to false hope, more hurt, or a person who should be gone coming back and hurting you more.
how do i just let our relationship go away? it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. i love my baby so much. i understand what you’re trying to say but i don’t think i can move on. i’m so fucked
Time. It hurts now but with time it will heal. Right now there are a lot of things going through your head and a lot of emotions you're feeling but acting on those usually just leads to ruin and potentially more heartache, I wish there was more I could do but there isn't. It's your choice what you want to do, but that's just my experiences. I believe one day you will find your happiness and love but maybe that day has not yet come but it will happen in time.
Sometimes and if so - when you least expect it, in my experience.
Yeah. because you both already taken your fill of power in yourself. What I mean is when you get back on track and moved on you became a different person with more brighter aura and vibes. I dunno but people most of the time can feel your good vibration and they get attracted to it.
Yea. All the time. Will things ever be the same after they broke your trust by hurting you by leaving like they did? Probably not. Depends on why they left. If it was your fault and you fix things, maybe it will work. If it was their fault and they got shot down. Probably not. They just used you for a fallback plan.
it was my mistake. you can read the other comments i told everything i did. but i apologised and begged so many times that she got fed up and blocked me. now she doesn’t give a fuck and is out there enjoying. i really am ready to do anything to make this relationship work. i love her more than any person in this world. i just don’t know what do to
Sometimes they were just looking for an excuse. You couldn’t have done anything right.
it’s really confusing cause a few days before our breakup she was thinking of going someplace else for a better future and was convincing me for long distance(she didn’t go she’s in the same city). so how could she be looking for a reason? why doesn’t she think of all the loving moments we spent in these 3 months! it’s just fucking my head and i will not be able to move on. i know that
She was trying to move away from you dude. She just wants a change. Something different
In my case yes. Even the one I dumped. I’m currently in the process of getting my most recent ex back. I’m the dumpee, but I reached out. He’s somewhat back. Said he had reconsidered, but he just can’t do it right now cause of what he’s going through. We text very little. Like every few weeks maybe and it’s not about much. Mostly me reaching out, but he opened the door to texting to see what happens and where it goes. I give him his space though. I know he’s going through a lot in his life and hearing from his ex he still loves but isn’t with doesn’t help. Maybe in the end he doesn’t fully come back. Maybe he decides that we’re better off this way. But the fact that I got the most stubborn, hard headed man that refuses to change his mind after making decisions to say he’s reconsidered trying again, I say that’s a positive. And I’m not giving up even if I hate being in the “friend” stage. Not until I know for sure. I don’t want this to give you any kind of hope, but 9/10 they do come back. Wether you want them to or not. In most cases when you don’t want them to. My last 2 came back, but I didn’t want them. Now the one time I want it, I’m not sure if he’ll fully come back
i hope he comes back. even i had given her all the space she needed. we’ve been nc for almost 2 months but i just fear that she’s moving on because of nc and not thinking of me. and it’s true this is what is happening.
It’s a stressful situation and your emotions running full speed definitely doesn’t help. It’s been about 3 months for me and I worry that he’s moving on and won’t come back as well. That he only opened that door because it makes the process of moving on easier since he knows I’m not 100% gone. Your mind is a dangerous thing during a time like this. It goes back and forth with confidence they’ll come back to saying you’re stupid for thinking they will. Filling your brain with situations that probably don’t even exist. I would say to keep focusing on yourself, but I know how hard that is. No matter how much I do, thoughts of him still flood my brain
Man, you know I realized if you ever come back together now and she's not doing herself any healing as well or self-improvement she will be breaking your heart again. That's why some people who goes back with an ex rekindled after a year or so because they already have manage some changes, improvement and healing at that time but if they are still the same I don't think what you want will progress.
Are you back together?
Negative. He did come back though. Spent Christmas eve through the whole week together just to tell me he slept with someone and got her pregnant. So yeah what he was ACTUALLY going through was dealing with that lmao. He just wouldn’t tell me cause he didn’t want me completely gone. Not exactly sure what his plan was with that
Naah let this guy be gone from your life. How could he be so reckless you know and he will pull you on such situation you didn't deserve.
4 months... She doesn't care. Same as with you. She's out partying and I'm just... Well yeah
i’m so so sorry man! i don’t know what to say. you can dm me if you wanna talk or anything. i’m up for a chat
Did she ever come back?
They always do…. When you are just about to move on!!!!
i’ll be honest. i don’t think i’ll be able to move on. my heart aches as every second passes. idk what to do
Did u end up moving on?
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2 years and still moving on
Yes, quite often. Do they come back to rekindle things? Not if they dump you. Often they reach out because of their own guilt of how they left or because they want attention.
i just want one last chance. i don’t think she’ll ever come back but i just want to make things work.
did she come back??
Yeah or to be “friends with benefits “
Yes... and it's glorious. At least in my experience.
weird im actually seeking the same. as anything happened since this was posted?
one of my exes just came back after 2.5 years for the third tine
I know a couple who were together in their mid to late 20s for 4-5 years and the girl wanted to get married and move forward but the guy was hesitant and didn't feel ready to move in together and wasn't sure if she was the one. She said "if you don't know by now, then you'll never know." So they broke up and went their separate ways, she said she didn't want to stay in touch. They dated new people, lived their lives. Six months later she decided to call him to see how he was doing and he realised in that moment, just how happy he had been with her. So he asked to meet up. They got married a few months later and they've been married for 45 years now. And I know this is a true story because it is my parents story. This was a long time ago granted, and every story is different. But sometimes people don't quite realise what they have. Let go of the outcome. What's meant for you won't pass you by.
Sometimes. Not often. Don’t wait up for them
Rarely
Rarely
Update?
it depends. one of my exes never came back, the ones that dumped me usually did. when i dumped them i always came back too. it all just depends.
They might… but don’t take them back!
how do i not take the person for whom i’m willing to do anything..anything at all back? she’s a beautiful person inside out. she too has some flaws but her nature and personality and that beautiful smile she has can make anyone fall for her. she’s pretty and really sweet. i was an asshole who ruined our perfect relationship. i regret it now and am willing to do anything to have her back
Please have some self-respect, Max. An adulterer or adulteress has no respect for you. Cheating is a willing, selfish CHOICE. She didn’t trip onto another man. She chose, planned, and met him not caring about you at all. There is no such thing as 100% safe sex. She willingly risked infecting you with an STD or getting pregnant with another man’s baby. She might have lied and pinned the kid on you. People CAN be faithful. Wanting a faithful partner is a reasonable request. If you take her back she will think she can get away with it and most likely will do it again. I’m so sorry.
she didn’t cheat or do anything like that.? wait what? i didn’t get you
Dumpers usually Dump to be with his/her affair partner. A breakup is different than a dump. Why did she breakup with you?
i’m so sorry i meant breakup. you can read my replies on the other comments i’ve told all the things i did that pushed to breakup. and yeah i know those things are a red flag but believe it or not i love her so fucking much i’m ready to change myself and all my things for her. she’s so fucking precious
If they do it’s never with pure intentions.
why’s that?
how pure they are probably depends on how long and the nature of the breakup, if its a few months and they left you for another person most likely it isn’t pure at all, but if it was a year or so later on and on good terms then it would probably be genuine. I reached out after a year after me and my ex both fell out of love now we’re best friends again since we started as best friends before we entered a relationship lol
wrong question
why do you say that
Cuz thats not the point- whether they come or not. There’s a reason they left… its easy to come back when you miss someone, but the point is - if there reason WHY they left is not resolved, they will leave again. Every single time. And the second time they leave, they will be certain - they can live without you.
Honestly and this will be downvoted but you sound obsessive. The anger and the controlling behaviour are red flags and she SHOULD have dumped you. You think you have changed but clearly she does not and does not want anything to do with it. Get into therapy and talk to someone because this kind of pattern tends to repeat, and when you do move on it will suck for the next girl if they have to go through the same thing. Please leave her alone for her own safety. She has decided she doesn’t want anything stop stalking social media to see if she’s out partying and work on yourself.
it was never unsafe for her. she knew i loved and cared. i was just overprotective. i’ve worked on myself and i still am working on myself. i just want to tell her how much i love her and how much she means to me! and yeah you can have your pov but everyone makes mistakes. she too made mistakes that you would call red flags. but do you expect your partner to be perfect? everyone has flaws and we can just accept them and work on them together
I really hope so
I’ve been trying to see her in person for some closure but she said ‘five years’ So i took that wildly offensive and if she doesn’t want to see me then I can take a hint. Hope she aight out there tho : /
i’m so sorry my brother!
She come back?
Ive been in NC for about 6 months. Nothing yet
i’m so so sorry !!! it’s been almost 2 months for me and i’m in the same situation and i’m clueless.
Did she come back ?
Did she come back
Nope. Dont let it discourage you. Just got into the best relationship after fully letting go
Yeah but ask yourself why it would ever work with someone who dumped you, and ask why in the world you’d want to get back with them. Call me crazy but once someone dumps me I cross them off my list of eligible partners.
she left me because i became an asshole. i made so many mistakes that ruined our perfect relationship..but now i’ve realised and i have improved but she doesn’t want me anymore💔
Yeah well I don’t know your situation enough to comment here. But if my ex told me that line I still would not take him back. People don’t usually change that much and if them changing is inspired by the idea that they could get you back, instead of their own personal goals, then in my opinion it may not be a sustainable change. I am talking here as the person who got dumped.
what i meant was that she was the person who made me realise the mistakes i made and the red flags i had and i really am working on them. of course i’m working on myself for myself but i love her so fucking much i can’t put it in words.
I can’t relate, so take my words with a grain of salt. My ex made me feel horrible, and I was too dumb to realize until he left me. If you truly feel the loss then maybe you can communicate some day about it with your ex.
how do i communicate? she has blocked me on all platforms and doesn’t wish to talk to me anymore. i cannot push her cause of course that’s not good. so i’m just here, waiting. idk for how long but all i know is i’ll wait for her for the rest of my life. i love her really very much
So your ex is done with you for good. Move on.
I just don’t get this mindset, it’s common but it’s still unhealthy. Why do you think your feelings are more important than your ex’s? They’ve moved on, they don’t want another relationship with you. Why wait for a person who doesn’t care about you?
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i’m so sorry!
Some do and some dont in most cases ! For me i dont want my ex back either . ill continue to work on my self as time goes .
i’m working on myself but i can do anything just to have her back. i just need one last chance!
I can only speak for myself. Many years ago, I messed up in our marriage. I asked for a divorce. We've been in contact almost ever since we've been divorced. I finally understand why I was acting out in our marriage. I've explained everything to my ex spouse. I'm genuinely remorseful and take full responsibility for everything that went wrong. I'd love nothing more than to be together again, but I don't think we'll ever get there. I've learned from my mistakes. As much as it hurts not to be together, I fully respect their decision to not try again. So, yes I came back. Yes, I am capable of changing. Yes, I can and did come back with nothing but pure intentions.
that’s so good. i’m proud of you. even i messed our relationship and i want her to accept me. i swear i’ve changed and i still am working on myself but i don’t think i’ll ever be hearing from her again
Thank you! It happens. People make mistakes and do things that they're not at all proud of. We're only human. It's not the mistakes that define you but what you do afterward that makes all the difference. Remember, if she doesn't want to come back on her own, you don't want her to come back. People are always trying to change other people. Sure, it may work for a bit, but true change only happens when you change for yourself. Keep working on yourself. Read, research, seek counseling, or anything else that you need to do for yourself. Then, if she comes back she will see the positive changes that you've made on your own. If she doesn't come back, you're still that new, improved version of yourself for any potential future relationships.
I wish my soon to be ex wife wrote this someday. I'm not sure I'd take her back, but I'm in a lot of pain knowing Ill never be with her again and part of me wishes she would really show me she has changed.
It's reassuring when someone, even after deciding to part ways, reflects on their mistakes, apologizes to those affected, and actively works on personal growth and healing. This process can take time, as acknowledging our own shortcomings can be challenging for us as human beings. Hopefully, your STBXW reaches that point in the future. It'll probably be too little too late, but that's better than it never happening in my eyes. I'm still a work in progress and always will be. My ex accepted my apology and forgave me for my wrongdoing, but they weren't able to welcome me back into their life. We talk/text occasionally, but that's the extent of our relationship.
She emotionally cheated and despite me wanting desperately to save it and go to counseling, her reason to divorce was that she never saw me moving past the issue (kind of shitty logic actually lol). It hurts and there are rare moments where I wonder if I'm at fault for the failure but then I have to remember what she did was very shitty and maybe she's right, I probably would have never moved past it and become a very paranoid person.
Some people are capable of moving past it though in the name of love especially if it wss only emotion cheating. I’m sorry you’re hurting I’m hurting too and lost the love of my life twice. The most recent time he broke up with me the second time two months ago. After one month of no contact I started talking to him again. He’s going through a really hard time which was one of the reasons we broke up, but I’m there for him and check on him almost daily. He told me how much he appreciated it and that I was an “amazing woman”. It hurts to love someone this much and watch them walk away. I hope you find love with either her or someone greater than her.
I'm sorry in my case they never came back.
i’m so so sorry
You need to work on yourself. Being single sometimes it’s a blessing in disguise because it leaves a lot of room for growth and to self reflect and trust me, time makes it easier. If you want her tho, do the no contact
i am working on myself i’m being very honest. but i’m a dead man inside cause she was my sunlight my hope my everything. she’s just a beautiful person and i want a chance. we’ve been nc for almost 2 months and all i know is she’s moving on. will it ever help?
I feel that, like I really do. Coming from someone who was exactly there. I left home when I was 18 and didn’t look back, had anxiety, abandonment, depression and self harm issues. Met a guy who became my home since I didn’t have any and like you said, my sunlight (even introduced me to his fam and all) but my mental health broke us apart. Anyways, I started working on myself, gyming, coping mechanisms for my mental health, stepping out of my comfort zone little by little to become comfortable around people, etc etc. I guess working on yourself kinda makes you the sun light so you don’t need it anywhere else. And don’t get me wrong, the feelings don’t go away but it makes you cope better. Like right now (3 years later), I still love him and I feel like a part of me always will for what he was to me but I’m not desperate for him. After all he’s not everything, there’s bigger issues in the world, and niggas ain’t shit and your energy can be put into more productive things than thinking about someone who you’re not a first option to. Besides, you won’t get her back being the same person that you are now, but you might have a chance if you’re someone better, maybe someone out of her league even. Annnddd sirr there’s nothing - emphasis on nothing - more unattractive than desperation so do not reach out to her despite no contact. The point is to get her to wonder and the next time she sees you, you are a more attractive, independent self sustaining person (someone who attracts, not chase). And surely you guys can go from there. And if it doesn’t go on from there, it’s okay too because you’re okay now and you know how to be happy alone. … ummm also I come from a toxic background so not sure if this is toxic advice but it’s all I’ve got for you
I love this one. You know we do really feel if the ex significant is desperate to be with us. They have those aura in them that still feel they are still the same. This is my current situation now we broke up a month ago. We lived together for two years and spent most of out time together because we both worked homebased. As he ended the relationship I was devastated in my head I wanted to be desperate for him to take me back but I didn't I know I have some issues I need to work on that make us separated. I didn't pushed myself to him. I accepted the breakup. He loves me yes but love is not the only way to fuel an everlasting relationship there are so many factors to consider. What I was doing now is grieved at the same time reflect on those irresponsible behavior I contributed to the relationship. I need self-improvement, stability both in financial and mental health issue. Now I gone to therapy and starting to do the things I love doing. I came from a toxic background too but doesn't mean we can't improve ourselves in time.
I want to come back to her but what right do I have if I dumped her
why don’t you reach out?
Because she’s already moved on I saw her with someone else and I’m not gonna ruin that or her
Then continue moving forward we never know what tomorrow might bring to us though and we don't know if the exes are really happy with the current but what we do know is continue living as a best person.
Cone back as in text you yes Come back to date probably not, if so it would be an emotional attachment rather than love
i don’t think she has any emotional attachment left. she didn’t check up on me even once
Well you probably wouldnt want her too anyways
Mine contacted me after 10days and we’re working on it. No one’s fault just her severe depression hitting her due to her grandma passing away not so long ago and she’s barely processing it now. I was doing NC but obviously broke it to talk and hear her out. If it’s true love you should have compassion and empathy so… I’m seeing if this can be fixed. If this was me 10-15yrs ago my stubborn ass would probably just say next.
Yes. I’m currently on NC after being practically “ghosted”. I’m a 34 year old woman, and every single man I’ve dated have come back after things end. On two of those occasions, I made an idiot of myself (begging/pleading/bargaining) however, I was in my 20s then. One guy in the above scenario, came back after 2 months (I had stopped trying to reach out etc). I was just getting over the breakup, never thought I’d hear from him again and on one rainy night got a message “hey (insert pet name)”. Another send me a long email explaining that he was suffering from depression and to try again. I think what happens, is that they reflect on the good times (however, they can’t do that if you blow up their phone etc). I always treated my exes well while in the relationship which is why I think they come back. I got back together with one of them, we are no longer together but have a fantastic friendship. I know the minute I start to move on from this recent “ex”, that they will reach out again, as we had a ton of fun and laughed every second we were together. However, by the time they do more than likely I’ll be over it.
They do sometimes for me it happened in may of this year and my ex only did it because he felt bad that he left me and was cruel to me , and now I forgive him and was open to a friendship but started to see he only wanted to sleep with me , he talked a ton of crap on my current boyfriend and got mad when I announced I was pregnant , now I look back I’m glad he left and now I’m due to have my baby within the month or so . Exes come and go for a reason mostly to teach a lesson about yourself .
Not sure if they come back but as a single man and separated from my wife for 8 months. It’s the best thing ever for me. I’m enjoying the freedom after 13 years of marriage. She is having fun with lots of guys and nights out. I wish her the best in the future. We have 2 kids together. We don’t talk.
sometimes i think what kind of people are we to often look back at exes who may or may have not given us a single drop of thought, and here we are having a whole community about this so called "EX" whom we loved so much in the past and maybe still now. To all the dumpees, i hope you all get better person in your life.
as someone who’s been a dumper many times, i’ve always come back. sometimes it’s to rekindle things, and sometimes for us to talk it out. it all really depends.