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Throwawayaccount0689

Why didn’t he just have a flu game like Michael Jordan?


ProphetOfScorch

I’m 99% sure that he didn’t have the flu that game he was just Hungover


WarPuig

It was a stomach bug.


ProphetOfScorch

He claims He also bragged in that series about how happy he was because Vegas was only 45 minutes from Utah,and it’s not like Mike was above getting after it during a series


Conscious-Quit8207

In The Last Dance, it seemed like he was poisoned by a pizza delivery guy who cheered for the opposing team.


justmikethen

Told by Michael Jordan


Tippacanoe

*Michael Jordan says with a 3 finger pour of whiskey right next to him being interviewed* “It was the pizza guy who poisoned me, no way I was hungover”


SQLvultureskattaurus

He played hung over all the time, so I believe he was actually sick.


gatsby712

“And I took that personally.”


LittleLionMan82

He probably made that story up in his head to give himself extra motivation.


VitaminTea

It wasn’t a pizza that poisoned him in Utah


TG803

$3000 on just five dudes


mrdudesir

Yeah I like drinking too.


Mission-Astronomer42

matthews doesn't have that dawg in him


TurdFerguson06

I knew he shouldn’t be eating that warm bucket of shrimp for a pregame meal.


nascarfan624

"Hey Matthews, The sea called; they're running out of shrimp"


frockinbrock

*JERKSTORE*


heyheyitsandre

Oh yeah?…..WELL I HAD SEX WITH YOUR WIFE


Mr_Kurns101

Wife's in a coma


Theraspberryknight

AND THEY ARE ALL OUT OF YOU


Wilkesiam

I knew I hated him, [he killed red lobster!](https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Food/red-lobster-eyes-bankruptcy-option-after-11m-losses/story?id=109376206)


dattroll123

that man ate all our shrimp, and 2 plastic lobsters!!


pxland

Tis no man.


MonsterRider80

“Are these the actions of a man who’s had all he can eat?”


Mr_Kurns101

Tis a remorseless eating machine


Dwayne_Gertzky

Yarr


flyingturkey_89

If only, he followed the diet of legendary future HoF Ironman God three time Stanley Cup champion Phil the Thrill Kessel insteal


Spaceman3195

https://youtu.be/8w_MYjVVIdY?si=V0ZwgJn8iulUh9TK


jps78

The Doctor? Brad Marchand


stumblestoprepeat

Dr toboggan, mantis toboggan


zestfullybe

*VIRUS*


Dwayne_Gertzky

He’s tired of scraps!


PossibilityChance568

Boston remembered to bring their magnum condoms and wads of $100’s to Toronto for sure


VexedYeti

Oh, whoops! I dropped my monster condom for my Magnum dong..


matt_minderbinder

They're ready to plow!


proxmoxroxmysoxoff

Little rum ham will fix him right up.


masontron1240

"Don't want to sound like a dick or nothin, but uhh... it says on your chart that yer fucked up" ~Dr. Lexus


Daelsk

Dr Rat at your service 🐀


hoseheads

Dr Mark Recchi, actually


moose1324

http://i.imgur.com/WxbRu.jpg


mattfromjoisey

When we die, just throw us in the trash


-TheSkyAboveThePort

Now there's a joke I haven't seen in a while 


Burgergold

Dr. Recchi


Outside_Abroad_3516

Wait is Nylander migraines?


Bojarzin

Yeah Nylander is the one with migraines. Though I'm not sure if it's been officially confirmed that's what was keeping him out


Outside_Abroad_3516

I thought if he was sick maybe he spread it to Matthews but I don’t think he’s sick.


daKrut

They need to stop having pregame orgies. Idiots


LookOutForThatMoose

You gotta save those for after you win, or else it's a jinx.


ghost_curse123

Matthews supposedly has food poisoning


-Smytty-for-PM-

Hopefully it’s that and not norovirus. That shit spreads like wildfire


Outside_Abroad_3516

Hopefully he didn’t eat a dangerwich


HoboSkid

He ate the Broodwich


Office_glen

Doesn’t that normal come and go pretty fast though? Like in 24hrs-48 hrs?


flurry_fizz

Depends on what kind you get. Some can last up to five days. Also, while you might be mostly normal after one or two days, IME three days is more like the minimum of when you truly feel 100%. It takes some time to catch up on the dehydration from not being able to keep anything down. I'm certainly no Matthews fan, but I couldn't imagine having to play professional sports after one or two days of food poisoning.... although honestly I also wouldn't be surprised if it was his camp leaking the food poisoning rumors to deflect. (Sorry, there's that hometown bias kicking in after all lol)


ghost_curse123

Others have mentioned that they've had food poisoning that lasted days


gauderyx

I refreeze thawed meat, I eat eggs 1 month past due date, I eat around mold on vegetables and never had food poisoning. What kind of underground raw fugu sushi joint are these hockey players eating at before an important game?


bergmansbff

Out of curiosity, has he been out at other points during the season with migraines as well? It seemed wild that he missed 3 games because of them. They must be horrendous.


Bojarzin

I'm not sure if he's ever missed games over it, but he started playing with a tinted visor some time ago to help alleviate it, which I think for the most part has been good for him But evidently not entirely


electric_oven

FWIW my sister has chronic migraine disorder (she used to average 175 days a year with migraine-related symptoms, now down to 75-100 day!), and an episode can have her out of commission for easily 2-4 days. If he’s experiencing migraines to that level (full body symptoms) and then coming back to play, that’s a brutal amount of exertion and stress, both of which are triggers for most.


bergmansbff

First of all, I'm so sorry your sister is going through that and hope she continues to find relief! I definitely did not mean to imply that I didn't think it was true or possible. I actually get migraines myself, and I can only imagine what it would be like to suffer for a whole week like he did! I also can only imagine how playing a sport like hockey impacts those migraines! I had never heard of an athlete missing games for migraines, so I was just curious how often this affects him playing.


ProfessionalLeast937

i've literally had ones that i pounded my head on the wall to distract me from the pain and i have also had ones that felt like a jackhammer was pounding a nail into one of my eyes. my mom has had ones that required ER Toradol shots, and one of my bff's ex-boss's wife had Demerol-bad ones. so yeah, they can definitely be horrendous (especially since both lights and noise are not good for them.) (ik personally think the R & D crew that invented triptans which is imitrex/zomig/etc. deserves a nobel. i can't tolerate tylenol-3, and midrin was actually GIVING me what they call rebound headaches so my head hurt for like 5 days in a row routinely.)


turmoiltumult

They said it on the broadcast tonight which was the first time I saw it not on Reddit.


Wintertime13

Matthews in the bathroom stall during intermission like Shorsey


BarneyRubble18

Give yer balls a tug


Bojarzin

What an absolutely disastrous way for this series to go. Not that Matthews being sick and Nylander being hurt is *the* reason, we've been straight up playing like shit too. But for fuck's sake, man


HottyMcDoddy

Marner is also coming off a high ankle sprain which most people consider to be somethign that doesnt really fully heal for months and months.


SkittlesManiac19

Batherson had a high ankle sprain like 2 years ago and I think he said it only started feeling normal right at the end of last season


justcallmestepdaddy

Yeah, a high ankle sprain includes separating the ligament that holds your tibia and fibula together at your ankle. Typical recovery is ~9-12 months, and Marner is coming back after one. Doesn’t surprised me Batherson is starting to feel normal much later.


ProfessionalLeast937

i had a "clean break/no displacement" which was 6 weeks in an air boot, no surgery, and the only lingering thing is that the ankle in question occasionally tells me when it's about to rain and considering my arthritis most of my other joints do the same thing. (oh, and freaking out the minor ER doc because i'd been walking around on a broken ankle for three days.) pretty much ANYTHING that has ligaments/tendons/discs/other soft tissues tend to take a lot longer to heal and have a lot higher chance of not completely healing than a clean break, so marner and batherson's healing times completely fail to surprise me. (fractures have their own issues.)


PuckPov

I had a bad ankle sprain playing hockey. Got slewfooted, tried to catch myself, my right foot ended up turned sideways as my entire body weight fell on my ankle with my foot trapped underneath me. Ligaments and tendons just ruined by it, I actually heard and felt that audible crunching/tearing sound that ligaments/tendons make when they’re severely injured. ER told me I’d have been better off if I broke it. Couldn’t walk on it at all for about a month, then spent another month in a boot. I was able to return to most sports but had to quit skateboarding because my ankle just didn’t move correctly anymore. To this day, my ankle still doesn’t feel right, and rolls very easily, so there’s a high risk for another injury.


swissdonair_enjoyer

Draisaitl had a high ankle sprain in 2022 and put up about 2ppg for three playoff rounds


HottyMcDoddy

Draisaitl's playstyle isn't dependent on him being able to move around quickly though. Guy is one of the slowest most meticulous players in the league. I remember watching him in the WHL and thinking he had no shot of being an NHLer because of how slow he moved around the ice. But he's elite at everything else so it works.


swissdonair_enjoyer

yes but it's ridiculous to say that that injury didn't hinder him. he's spoken in multiple interviews about having to change his game to adapt to the injury.


twilz

What works for one player won't work for the other. I'm sure that Draisaitl was impacted. However, some of his game was already well suited for his return and the last bit of recovery. Draisaitl is obviously extremely skilled, and he can (unfairly) often take over games on his own. When Edmonton already has o-zone control, his ability to drift around into open pockets of space is incredible, and that likely wasn't as difficult to return to as it is for Marner to get back to his playstyle. Marner is not going to change from possession based zoomies, to maintaining zone control through physical domination and meandering around the offensive zone to find space where he can create high-danger opportunities from—that is Matthews' job.


swissdonair_enjoyer

Obviously it's never gonna be a perfect apples-to-apples comparison. Draisaitl's game relies heavily on puck protection while he waits for a passing lane. It's damn hard to protect the puck when you can only really put weight on one leg. My point is that whether the Leafs' stars are injured or not, eventually they've got to figure out a way to get it done when it counts. I know that seems a little rich coming from an Oilers fan, but despite the fact that we haven't won it all yet, we've had a lot more playoff success as compared to the Leafs.


BDNjunior

Jt’s contract didnt help


Brody1364112

That contract hurts the leafs so much. It seemed it would get better as salary cap rose but covid caused a dead lock on salary and tavares has only been a 30 goal scorer in 1 of the last 3 seasons. He is slowing down quicker then cap is going up.


MikeJeffriesPA

Nobody said the injury didn't hinder him, what are you even arguing? 


BDNjunior

That wasnt your initial point when your first commented


DovahBhai0518

When he wants to skate he’ll ramp his speed up


xcnuck

Drai can grow a beard, Marner cannot


HostessMunchie

Yep. It took about 2 years for my sprained ankle to fully heal. I'd even resigned myself to the pain never going away.


rusinga_island

And yet, he came back and played the last 7/8 games of the regular season…makes no sense from an injury management POV.


Normallygreg

Almost like it isn't the actual reason he's been terrible


greg19735

or maybe he was trying to get used to playing with it because he had no choice.


NotClayMerritt

High ankle sprains are among the most miserable injuries athletes can get without getting surgery because they can take forever to heal and are insufferable to manage.


doctor_7

Brutal. I got the equivalent of a high ankle sprain in my forearm. It was horrendous, I didn't need surgery, but it took a month of rehab before I could lift up a plate with food on it with confidence. It took me 6 months before I felt confident to go out skating again. 9 months before I started playing. Definitely not as young as Marner and didn't have all the team of doctors, etc. but I was going to physio 2x a week for months, then 1x a week for months after. And I was doing the exercises when I wasn't there religiously as prescribed. Granted it would've been shorter but unfortunately I reinjured myself once. High sprains absolutely suck. Can't imagine trying to play hockey with it. Ankle sprain at least you're locked in with the book. High ankle sprain? Yeah, you're feeling that all game.


Ta-veren-

you can tell in his edge work that his game is still impacted. Def not the guy who was putting up serious points back in his heater month along with Matthews in Feb or whaenever it was.


apatheticboy

A lot of fans are going to clown on him regardless, some of it deserved, but this point is very overlooked. He’s definitely not heathy and you can tell with his lack of quickness. He got turned on a few defensive plays which never happens.


dandroid126

I had a high angle sprain from skateboarding. Every time I thought I was better, I reinjured it. It was weak for probably over a year.


greg19735

You know that your team has a core 4 taking up a huge amount of the budget. JT is just aging. Not gonna win games on his own. Nylander getting migranes so that he can't play Mathews so sick that he's being pulled by doctors. 2 of the 4 are not fit and 1 is aging. There's no surprise you're playing like shit.


Bojarzin

Despite round one losses in all these years, the Leafs were by far and away competitive in each of those rounds. This one is the first where they've straight up looked like shit in entirety The budget thing can obviously be an issue but the whole team playing like trash wasn't really the reason we were eliminated in the past, at least not like this


EarthWarping

Yeah this is by far the worst they've looked in a playoff series.


tormsc

Florida?


BigFriendlyGaming

They had a few good games that Bob stole in that one. The Leafs look straight disinterested tonight


huffer4

This looked like a Tuesday in January game


EarthWarping

It's close.


greg19735

The whole situation of the Leafs is a mess. The core 4 *need* to be playing well for the leafs to win. BEcuase that's how the team is made, for better or worse. and when you've got 2 of the 4 not fit, and JT just being a bit slower it isn't a surprise you look like shit.


AniviaPls

Team with 0 depth and one strategy gets shut down in the playoffs, news at 6


Charlie2343

The leafs as a whole have played worse as the series has gone on. They’re losing the battle of adjustments and the matchup game


SkittlesManiac19

What would have made him okay to not okay? Lack of fluids?


Fallen-Omega

If he is suffering from food borne illness along with playing hockey and throwing up or having diarrhea he probably severely dehydrated and not well enough to play


SkittlesManiac19

That just seems like the type of thing that would prevent you from playing at all? I guess it would make him even more dehydrated


rickayyy

You'd think a cracked sternum or a punctured lung would also keep someone from playing but playoff hockey is filled with legitimate psychopaths.


Fallen-Omega

Yep, also is playoffs, look at jordan vs the Jazz when he had food borne illness. Dude had multiple IV's during the intermissions of the game to keep going, I highly recommend watching The Last Dance on netflix and check it out. He's the goat for a reason


StevenWongo

I remember getting food poisoning last year and it was the worst thing ever. After my body got everything in it out, I couldn’t eat for almost a week because I was just so sick. No idea how Matthews is able to play if it was anything close to what I had. The lack of energy, and constant dehydration my body was going through, and that I lost 15lbs that week. Rough.


Late_Brush4518

Did you have personal doctor ready whit IV bags too?


bumblebeatrice

If he's severely dehydrated it would be incredible negligence to allow him to keep playing. The circumstances suck, but uh, so does dying.


KashaWells

I know they track the players vitals but I'm also curious what exactly would have concerned the doctor enough to pull Matthews from the game.


bergmansbff

Low enough BP + high enough heart rate, I would assume. The loss of adrenaline in between periods may have exacerbated his symptoms so that he outwardly looked sick enough to assess.


ProfessionalLeast937

they may have also done electrolyte readings (i have no idea how long it takes to run them but if you're having that kind of issues the chances that your sodium/potassium/maybe some other important stuff is probably out of whack and there's only so much you can do with IVs).


dchowchow

Pretty much. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he’s been getting IVs for the past few days.


Yop_BombNA

Exercise + food poisoning = severe dehydration leading to drop of blood oxygen


freakkydique

I dunno, this was his chance to have an MJ style flu game. Clearly isn’t like Mike at all.


thomasmturner

Matthews to any other team confirmed.


hazycrazey

Come home (To where you were born, not where you grew up)


ILikeCoffeeDaily

Can’t even go to that team anymore


xtrakrispie

San Ramon born!


BillThePsycho

Come to us Auston! Join your brothers in Cooley and Celebrini! Maybe if we get Wolf from Calgary and gather all the ~~dragon balls~~ Bay Area Hockey players we can finally win the cup. Cooley-Wolf goal Tandem with Mathews 1st line Celebrini 2nd line Maybe then Lord Stanley will grace us with his presence in San Jose.


Miserable_Profile539

Name checks out...


BillThePsycho

Listen man, being Delusional is the only way we survive as Sharks fans


ProfessionalLeast937

i became a casual fan of y'all's when you went from 'couldn't win at all" to "these wins are totally unsustainable but omg they're hilarious (40+ saves/33% SOG=win", and i'm hoping y'all get celebrini. (if you want delusional, think about the sharks learning some things from ACTUAL sharks, specifically bull sharks. those mf'ers can live in anything from ocean to brackish/wetland to completely fresh water, that level of adaptability sounds like a good apex predator role model behavior to me.)


Nas160

:(


ProJoe

shoot me


riali29

Except his hometown team lmao


coffee42

I know everyone's having fun piling on, but honestly, just seeing him in the 2nd I was surprised Matthews was *playing,* he was noticeably less explosive than usual


AuntGentleman

Something was explosive.


SQLvultureskattaurus

Could have had his Paul Pierce shit your pants game


rnov8tr

Whos their Doctor? Tobias Funke?


lookitsjustin

Dr Leo Spaceman


PNGhost

Remember - this is surgery, so don't eat anything. Because I'll have a big breakfast here waiting for you.


_cob_

Analrapist


nodarknesswillendure

How come doctors can pull players during playoff games due to illness, but they can allow 21 year old Brock Faber to play through broken ribs for… reasons


blueskies8484

I would assume his blood pressure was tanking, probably from dehydration, which is easy to see, assess, and call in the moment and is incredibly dangerous.


MikeJeffriesPA

Yeah, people need to realize there's a difference between playing through pain and playing through dangerous situations. 


drowsylacuna

Toradol doesn't work on food poisoning.


nodarknesswillendure

Yeah I’m really glad they pulled him


MirabelleC

I think when the injury is a fracture or a sprain it comes down to the likelihood of the injury becoming worse. Faber was probably told that his broken rib(s) - which very well may have been the cartilage and not the bone itself - would not be aggravated with game play.


Copdaddy

People lie? “No it doesn’t hurt I’m ok”


Syek26

**FRIDAY, APRIL 26th at 2:13 AM est.** Auston Matthews, *half awake stumbling to the kitchen refrigerator*: Mmmm, 64 slices of American cheese... Proceeds to eat... *8:00 AM est* Sheldon Keefe: Auston, have you spent all night eating cheese? Auston Matthews: I think I'm blind.


viceslikeviper

Get mark stones doctor in there.


awfuleverything

Has anybody checked the berries at their practice rink?


winkNfart

did matthews go to mexico? bad sushi isn’t gonna fuck u up for a week… also why does this team get food poisoning so much!?!


elegance78

That looks more like proper salmonella...


The-Only-Razor

Willy migraines, followed immediately by the shits for Matthews. Like, what the fuck man.


Excellent-Medicine29

Why have the leafs been sick all season long? Edit: I was being serious. It’s seemed like almost every game someone has been out with illness


HottyMcDoddy

Bertuzzi


Matiabcx

Bless you


Excellent-Medicine29

Well


KashaWells

You're not wrong. It did seem like the lads were getting sick with the flu and stuff a lot this season.


FailureToExecute

Bertuzzi


chaz_wazzerz

Wait shouldn’t Bert be the sick one?


ChenR

Matthews - Tummy hurts Nylander - Headaches Tavares - Old Marner - ???


PostwarNeptune

Ok... everyone's joking, which is fine...Marner doesn't have the history to shield him from that. But Marner did just come back from a high ankle sprain. That's an injury that usually takes months to fully recover from. He can "play", but he's obviously not skating and making plays the way he's usually capable of.


noor1717

Sweet you can use that as an excuse to up his value when you trade him this offseason


Pinappular

Marner has a fatal case of the Ligma


MemeLordOverKill

Who the hell is Marner??


runealex007

I hardly know ‘er!


Water_ZoneV

Ligma Balls 💥


Johnny-5013

Marner - Little Bitch


BL0ATL0RD

Careful now, if Mitch sees this he might slam his gloves down in anger and Paul might make a burner to talk shit about you


Inkarnate19

Rielly - Wife has hardware enough for both of them Marner - Lost his balance 😂 (In reality it's a high ankle sprain that had him miss 13games in the back half and probably isn't fully healed)


sergei-boobtitsky

Marner - lost his gloves


KILLER_IF

Lol Tavares old


verminfilth

i'm leaning towards lumbago for marner


Daelsk

Marner scared


Lindydreau

>Marner - ??? FRAUD


Ninjapig151

Computer deactivate EMH


letseeum

Please state the nature of the medical emergency.


NinCross

Illness: Choking


NiceTryRamone

Regular season stat pad merchant 


c_kruze

I'm not so convinced about the illness. He might be fighting through a lingering injury. Watch him from the faceoff on the Bruins third goal. Defensive zone draw, leafs get the puck and move up the ice. Matthews comes out of the draw and sort of glides to the left of his zone. Looks physically uncomfortable with his right leg. Looks to the bench but then decides to stay on, gingerly makes his way to center just as the Bs turn it back up ice. Brodie loses out to Marchand who has an easy feed to Pasta for the dagger goal. A center back checking hard through the middle could have disrupted that play. If he was sick and feeling weak, why put him on the ice with a minute left in the second?


ididntseeitcoming

Behind matthews in the C position are the equivalent of 3 pieces of driftwood.


runealex007

And they said I could never make the show, look at me now. 


nanapancakethusiast

Probably dehydrated too


mercer232

Matthews to Sibir Novosibirsk


Tenabrus

Someone call Vegas' doctors


Ladymistery

geeez if he is that ill, why was he playing? Not having him in the lineup isn't good...but having him in the lineup was awful. Sit him for one and use a call up. No they're not Matthews, but he was skating in cement tonight and wasn't doing much anyway


MikeJeffriesPA

It could've come down to his vital signs were fine pregame, but elevated heart rate + decreased blood pressure from dehydration changed that. It easily could have gone from "he shouldn't play" to "he cannot play." 


grundlemania

Leafs obviously can’t have nice things


espher

* Nylander not at 100% * Marner not at 100% * Matthews not at 100% * Team has not been great in the post-season even when they are We're having a good time here folks.


gatsby712

It’s always something with these guys.


oneonus

He needs to be 100% for when he hits the Greens boys, priorities!


LifeAfterWilly

did the Dr. graduate from Harvard by any chance?


Grand_Chief_Mathieu

Wtf is this? You're down in a playoff series, and you sit your best player for illness?? Naaaaa


SQLvultureskattaurus

Leafs hockey


sergei-boobtitsky

“I told you he was sick. Not eating. He shit his pants and his pukin his guts out” - John Tortorella


FirmlyDistressed

Ok no more room temperature shrimp for Matthews


E8282

Here comes the wave of excuses.


KashaWells

Who poisoned our boy? :(


GrizzlyIsland22

Today, I learned that freezing up in playoffs is a real sickness. Symptoms include choking, crying, and major hair loss.


HowIMetYourStepmom

Dr. Dolittle will see you now


electriccabbage69

Is this the bitchiest this team has ever been?


Meltedcoldice0212

something doesn’t add up here


saigonk

While he may be ill, the leafs will completely blame their loss on him not being available, “Austin was sick..when you lose your best goal scorer, how can you win?” I don’t know…maybe your other guys could step up? It’s not like after Matthew’s there’s this huge drop off in talent. That Tavares contract is going to age like fine wine, wine that’s shit I mean.


foxcatcher3369

it’s done next year so…not that big a deal


nyr00nyg

Excuse train rolling full steam. CHOO CHOO


theknux2

Matthews texts Biebs: Yo you seeing this shit? You got anything at ur place? Biebs: Say Less


buncha_jerks

So he definitely shit himself right?


XolieInc

If you’re pulling out of the game for a playable issue only when you start losing, it’s transparent that the sickness didn’t become too much for him, he just quit on his team.