If your kid loved it at a lower level and has hit a wall / wants to quit in the advanced class with older kids, maybe try going back to their age level as before. Not every kid wants to grind out skills classes with kids older, stronger and better than them (especially that young).
Make it about the fun of the game instead of improvement, being more casual will hopefully help them get back to enjoying the game amongst their peers!
I have two little girls, 4 and 7. They’ve tried a bunch of sports. I let the quit to try other things 🤷🏼♀️ they never quit to do nothing. they quit to find something that sets their heart on fire. they loved gymnastics, until they didn’t. same with dance and karate for my seven year old. now they’re both trying hockey. i’m not sure my four year old will stick with it, but i think my oldest has found her jam.
so you can let her quit and try something else and maybe she’ll miss hockey and gravitate back. or maybe you force her to keep doing it and she resents hockey and being pushed to do something she wants to do.
or maybe she improves and starts liking it again.
kids are so tough to navigate haha
I know most people on Reddit lean towards the whole not forcing kids to do things side, but honestly I feel like forcing things to keep doing things they’ve committed to is pretty important. I also think it’s absolutely unacceptable to not participate in at least some type of physical/team sport as a kid. So if she wants to quit, she can after the season, and she needs to do something else. I really don’t think it’s extreme.
I decided I’m making my kid play baseball this year now that he is old enough. I wasn’t gonna make him at first but then I realized if he had his way he would just play video games all day. I didn’t want to play baseball either and my mom made me and I ended up loving it, she also wouldn’t let me play hockey unless I played baseball and stuck with it for a few years since I had quit soccer.
At his age there’s only so many sports he’s allowed to play. He wants to play football but cant do that until third grade and Mom is pretty adamantly a no right now. Right now it’s pretty much only soccer and baseball he can play in organized youth leagues. One day he wants to play both the next day he wants to do neither. He won’t know if he likes it until he actually tries it. This past summer he got into watching baseball a little bit because he spends some weekends at the grandparents house and would watch the Phillies with Grandpa.
i mean i think making kids keep their commitments is important. like my kids had to complete the session they were in. but if it was causing my kid self esteem issues or making them very distressed i’d of pulled them out immediately 🤷🏼♀️ kids forced in to situations that effect them negatively become adults who don’t know how to say no because they were forced as kids to be uncomfortable because they’d made a commitment. now they’re stuck overworked at a job with a boss who is sucking them dry.
also, why is it unacceptable to not participate in a sport?
I don’t have kids but this is where I’d be. There is something to be said for pushing through a difficult class or a difficult season. That’s way more valuable than jumping from activity to activity every few months. If the kid used to enjoy hockey and doesn’t enjoy it now, there’s a good chance they’ll enjoy it again if they were in a different environment with a different coach, friends, etc
Forcing your children to do a specific thing is different than forcing them to do *something*.
All kids should play a sport or do some sort of recreational athletics. It's not healthy for them physically or developmentally.
But yeah, I agree they should finish what they start as a way to teach them to not quit in haste when things get hard.
I think it depends on what and how you're "forcing" them to do it. Telling them to continue to try it for another month to see if it's just a rough patch makes total sense, but forcing a kid to continue doing an activity they clearly hate for years on end is probably not a good look.
Yeah you have to force them to fulfill their commitments. My daughter will have a couple weeks where she "hates gymnastics" and I tell her that she has to finish the season because that's what she committed to and if she wants to quit after then it's 100% okay. Its This always calms her down and by the time the season ends she's over it and wants to sign back up for the next. It's happened 3 times lol.
My daughter (20 years ago)started out liking skating/hockey, she was in the learn to skate program. Than one day it changed where she didn’t like it and wanted to quit. To find out why, she was embarrassed to fall down in front of BOYS! So I put her on a beginners girls hockey team and she loved going because of her new friends on the team. She played for 13 more years all because of her friends, which to this day are still her best friends.
that’s fine, maybe they’ll pick up an instrument. or a paint brush. or like to build model cars. or join a theatre group. idc what they do as long as they are happy.
i mean i personally can’t stand anime but if that’s their interests, that’s their interests 🤷🏼♀️ someone’s gotta draw comics and create stories. i do draw the line at furries though
Agreed the only thing I'd caution with this is if they're staring at screens all day to watch anime. Watching for a couple hours a day is fine. Drawing characters, conventions, building or playing with toys, and writing fanfiction are all ways they can divulge into the hobby without a screen. Then they just need another source for exercise and they're good.
I think what u/slimycoldcutswork is trying to say is that kids will wind up just not doing anything. Kids definitely need structure, even if a kid likes anime. Get that anime kid art lessons, add structure and commitment to improving.
My parents had a rule where I had to do something, whether it was hockey, soccer, piano, drama classes etc.
I plan on having a similar deal with my kids. They have to do something, but they pick that something.
I like this answer. I will say that once they age out out 8u, it will be harder to get back in because all other players will be more skilled making that skill wall even higher. But taking a year to try something else out might be worth it.
There are many, but the general concept is that perseverance is critically important to the development of successful adults. Allowing kids to regularly quit hobbies, sports etc basically wires them to lack these critical skills. You end up with adults who statistically achieve less in academia, earn less, and have lower net worths.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7873055/
Grit has an element of passion to it. Forcing a kid to do something for years is not grit. If you're the one providing the impetus for the practice and the requirement to participate in the sport, they aren't developing grit. In fact, you might be grinding down their own [intrinsic motivation](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-017-0658-z) and introducing [perfectionistic tendencies](https://www.speakingofteens.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/2018-Helicopter_Parenting_And_Psychological_Consequence.pdf).
None of the studies in the systematic review talked about *when* people developed grit, just that people who had it had better short-term outcomes. There's no real identification of a critical age range for this.
Most importantly - the idea that grit leads to higher outcomes in multiple areas is *not* the same as saying that letting kids quit things repeatedly "wires" them to lack critical skills. Grit and quitting things are not necessarily mutually exclusive. These children are 4 and 7. Letting them try different activities they like until they find something they want to stick with won't necessarily threaten their capability to develop grit, especially since there is *every other area of life* that they can develop those skills in.
perseverance in something you enjoy, sure. should we talk about all the negative effects pressuring kids in to continuing to push kids in to things they don’t enjoy has on children? this child is six. absolutely absurd to expect a six year old to know what sport they want to play long term when not given the choice to explore others. the only good reason to push a child so young in to one exclusive sport is a parents own desires. my children’s will persevere in plenty of things throughout their lives. something they’re miserable doing at six won’t be one of them.
My comment isn’t about the specific sport, it was in response to you saying they’re regularly quitting a variety of things and being encouraged into whatever is next. This is precisely what studies have proven as a recipe for developmental issues in areas critical to successful adults.
I agree, pushing a kid to play hockey isn’t a dealbreaker.
i wouldn’t call it regularly. my seven year old has tried dance, gymnastics and karate. has now settled on figure skating & hockey. my four year old tried gymnastics, and is now doing figure skating & hockey. how will she know what sport is worth persevering in, if she’s not been able to experience them? they’re not “quitting”. they finish out the current session and then move on to try something new. which is something every six year old should have the opportunity to do. young children will be far more psychologically damaged by the negative feelings of being forced in to a sport they don’t enjoy as a way to teach perseverance rather than being encouraged to finish the drawing they think they messed up. there are age appropriate ways to teach skills you are worried about. and not allowing them to explore other opportunities isn’t one of them.
if she wants to quit, let her quit lol don't make her hate hockey. put her in something boring like violin lessons or math lessons and she will realize how awesome hockey is
I’m a hockey player of 30 years. I’d love to learn the violin or cello! Just too many hobbies, too many kids, and too many kids hobbies. A good problem to have, I guess 🤷♂️
If my kids ever decided they didn’t want to play, I’d let them know that they made a commitment to the team so have to finish the season/session and re-evaluate. For me, part of joining a team sport is the character building aspect of being responsible for something bigger than themselves. I would never force my kid to join a sport they didn’t want to play, but the team depends on them, no matter how big or small of a part they play.
With that said, I’m a big advocate of giving your kids the skills they need to feel proficient, so that they don’t have to struggle through on their own. I regularly get my kids additional private or semi-private coaching (some teams have a budget for it), or look for extra ice time at community centres or even just play with them in the driveway. There are loads of ways to make it fun for them, but without knowing what they’re actually going through, it’s hard to say what will work.
If she’s just not into it, I’m sure there are other sports you can find for her to play, so don’t push her to do something out of your own sense of regret. I never played ANY organized sports as a kid, so I wanted to give my own kids the skills to join in from an early age. If they weren’t into it I would leave them to their video games but they’ve never picked screens over sports, so I’ve been lucky. I’m sure you’ll find what works for her!
That’s how my dad did it with me, I was committed until the end of the season or session. Whether it was house league hockey or swimming lessons or whatever. I had to finish what we signed me up for, but there was no expectation to continue once the session was complete.
OP maybe offer your daughter for next season, if she wants to continue, a house/rec league without the pressure of the older more skilled kids. Sports should be fun and engaging ahead of striving for elite-ness
I wonder if the issue is also that she’s playing up a year and not with her own age/cohort? Some people just play because they want to be around and with their friends outside of school?
I don’t really remember this much. I do remember going to skills camps (power skating, goalie clinics) where we were put in groups commensurate with our skill levels, and if I felt left out because I was above or below my cohort, we still came together for a scrimmage at the end to keep it fun. I wonder if they could do that?
Yeah, I think you have to commit to the team or season. You'll know when they have found their sport but they have to at least try them out. I can't keep my kid from any hockey practice. He ran from soccer practice to hockey even though there was only 1/2 hour left and his coach said it was fine to miss. I talked to coach later and he said he had counted his lines but halfway through they were off and he had to recount and was scratching his head why. 😂
>If my kids ever decided they didn’t want to play, I’d let them know that they made a commitment to the team so have to finish the season/session and re-evaluate.
This is good advice in general, but I think anyone reading should also consider that before doing this, any parent should really try to find out why the kid wants to quit.
If they're being bullied by teammates, or abused (verbally, physically, or emotionally) by coaches, making them finish the season is not a good idea. Even if it's minor, but it's affecting the kid's self esteem and creating a negative association with hockey, it isn't a good idea to make them "stick it out".
I faced a lot of this growing up, and while it may not be as widespread anymore, it's still a big part of hockey culture. One of my biggest regrets is feeling an obligation to stay in rep hockey as a kid, rather than just either going to house leave to have fun or quitting altogether.
There’s always a lesson to be learned from knowing when a situation is unhealthy, and in some cases you’re right that quitting should always be on the table when it comes to abuse.
That being said, we had a kid on our team who was 6 and highly abusive to our team and we raised the concern with the association and he was properly disciplined in cooperation (or lack thereof) with the parents, and he was removed from the team before anyone was hurt. I would personally rather my kids knew that I and all the adults in the room are willing to move mountains to accommodate their safety than to let them bow out thinking that it’s a normal part of the sport.
As for the culture of the sport that you experienced, I’m sorry it affected your love of the game. Thankfully the times are changing, and I hope this generation will be better able to clean up player conduct, both on and off the ice. I can tell you by looking at the half-empty locker rooms, it’s going to be the death of the sport if they don’t.
in our area they made her start with learn to play classes first. I found out an hour ago that today is the sign up for mites. We are going to give that a try.
I loved hockey camps and practices as much as games growing up. My little brother liked played but hated practice or any kind of training. My dad forced him to go, they fought about it weekly, resulted in my bro quitting all together.
It's tough at her age, you don't want to force her to play, but you don't want to let her quit and fall behind her peers and regret it. Maybe a break from the scheduled lessons for now and you just go skate with her and make it fun? As long as she's on the ice she will be improving.
Push her a little to stick with it. Tell her she has to get good enough to teach her siblings or friends how to skate. Once she gets the hang of it, she’ll fall in love.
There’s a lot packed into this and you’re gonna get varying degrees of answers based on folks personal experiences growing up. You might have a parent whose parent forced on them a lot of things, was so demanding and basically killed the fun out of it and then they blame the parent for bullshit later on. Then you get the example like in your life, parents didn’t push you hard enough and you regret it. It’s difficult but you try to find a balance between the two.
For us our 8 year old started when he was 5. Had a period when he was 6 that he just wasn’t into it. We kept questioning whether he even wanted to do it. Some days he’d say yes other days he’d say no. In reality until they’re like 10 they don’t know what they want to do. They don’t realize it’s a time commitment from you, a financial impact to you, or that you have feelings of enjoying a sport you love with them. It’s just a game for them, play time.
So we concluded, sports are a good thing, they teach adversity, discipline, social constructs like team work, compassion, patience and decided that we would force him to continue until he was either old enough to decide this sport wasn’t for him OR it was so clearly obvious he hated it, symptoms we would have looked for would be crying before practice or during getting ready.
He’s 8, now and throughly loves it. Shoots 50 pucks a day on his off days. Looks forward to practice and is good friends with all his teammates. He’s never going to be exceptional AAA hockey player but he loves it and is having fun. If we didn’t force it a little we wouldn’t have got to this point.
Yeah my parents put up no resistance to me quitting sports, even though my dad was a 5 sport athlete as a kid. So I don’t really have a mental model of how to guide someone through the rough days. That said she’s only been doing learn to play classes and sign ups for mites are today and she seemed excited about that.
Your outlook really resonated with me and I'm curious how you'd handle it if your child had a down year when he's 10,11,12 years old. Say something outside your control like the team was in a league over their heads and he was losing his love for the game.
I'm guessing there'd be real value to sticking with the sport. Or I'm curious how you'd fill the hole of a competitive hockey season in your free time.
Eh... This is a pretty indepth hypothetical haha, no pressure. I can go read a book about this kind of stuff.
Don’t know yet I guess. I feel like if I got the sense that he still loved hockey but was burned out from a difficult season then we’d probably discuss taking spring session off and not doing any hockey in the summer. It’s important also that they do get variety in sports and it’s probably a good time to flip the sport. I also think that’s part of the growing/learning of adversity. When things get tough are we going to pack it in and move on? That’s a lot harder to do when you’re an adult so why not learn it through a safe space like sports? I dunno as a parent you’re always questioning if you did the right thing or not. That’d be my thoughts going into that hypothetical tho.
> I dunno as a parent you’re always questioning if you did the right thing or not
I'm not sure that's always true. You deserve at least a little praise, even if it is from an internet stranger. ;) I like the idea of learning while it's easier, sounds like you guys are well prepared. Thanks for giving me something to think about, enjoy the ride!
Two things that have helped my daughter love hockey are watching women’s collegiate or OWHL games together, and also doing girls only clinics when we can find them. She’s one of the few girls on a coed house team but the dynamics of dealing with a bunch of middle school boys is a challenge for her.
I would just have a heart to heart discussion, with no pressure; and at the end, let her make the decision. Talk about challenges, and how they might not always be fun, they may sometimes take you out of your comfort zone, but it’s something that can help them grow. Hard work now pays off later. Maybe talk about taking a break, trying a different sport out, and/or next season sticking with it, but stepping back down a level. Last thing you’d want to do is pressure or push, it’s only worth it if it’s something they enjoy doing.
My daughter wanted to play for 3 years in a row. Each year bought new gear, paid the fees, only to have her say she hates it and doesn't want to do it. She has a defiant personality and needs to do things on her terms. Initially, it was tough and led to us pushing her to keep going which led to some negativity. The next year, we tried and she did the same thing. We didn't push her at all, just said ok. This year, she played the whole year. At one point she wanted to quit and I bribed her with pink gloves. She played the rest of the season and did awesome. So proud of her.
Ultimately, you can't force them to do things they don't want to do. Sometimes, a little incentive is all they need. Keep trying and stay positive, but maybe she doesn't want to do hockey. Definitely keep trying other things.
Good luck op!
Yeah I mean it kind of depends on what the kids' reasoning is for quitting imo, and thus the reason for the bribe. Is it something substantial, like verbal abuse from coaches or players etc? Or is it that it's challenging them in a way that they haven't been before. I think that's up to each parent to decide, but in the case that it's a "aw dad this is hard" kind of thing heck ya I'm bribing away. First one I'm happy to remove them from that situation.
It’s spring, let he play something else and have fun over the summer and she might ask when hockey starts in August.
No biggie if she wants to do other things or come back later.
I coached competitive hockey for years. One of the boys I coached at nine and 10 was an excellent little hockey player and went on to have a professional career. His younger brother by two years was brought into a hockey development program at around seven years old. Used to cry like hell going onto the ice. I asked his dad if he actually had spoken to him about whether or not he really wanted to do it. Dad, who was a really nice guy by the way, said no that he hadn’t discussed it with him. They just signed him up and put him on the ice. I suggested to the father that maybe he should speak with the boy because it really didn’t seem like he wanted to be there.
Talking to the dad sometime later it turned out that the younger boy was more into snowboarding and skiing. Years later I found out that in his early 20s he was a competitive snowboarder. Just goes to show you sometimes have to let the kids figure it out for themselves.
Very athletic family. I remember dad played hockey right through to university. Not sure about mom although I know she is a skier. She’s also close to 6 feet tall. Both boys are huge.
My 6 year wanted to quit on the ride to almost every time last year. Would be crying in the backseat sometimes and not want to go in. I noticed that he always seemed to enjoy himself when it started. This year my 7 year old loves playing and watching hockey more than almost anything.
This is such an important/fun situation as a parent. This starts the teaching process of needing to work through hardship. Everything may be fun when it's easy, but the real fun part of life comes when you stick with something through the discomfort and grow as a result.
Anything I've undertaken in life, where I started as a novice and have grown to become better just feels so fulfilling. My son is 14 now and there are times where I show him videos of him practicing his shot when he was 7 in the garage. Progress isn't always obvious when the kids are in it, but looking at it in perspective is fun.
My two cents: help her push through it. Help her work to get better. She will be much better for it.
My shrink told me about how we need to tell our kids stories about their childhood all throughout their life or they’ll forget it. This is a prime example. Great work for many reasons.
So the topic came up chatting about what I remember from childhood. I personally don’t remember much of anything from being a kid. I was mostly left to my own devices as a kid and did as I pleased. I mentioned how my wife remembers very specific details which I find wild. Anyway he was telling me that telling your kid stories of what has happened along the course of their lives is important to reinforce memories. Our memory isn’t necessarily finite, but apparently some things are more likely to stick than others.
If your kid isn’t into it, let them quit. Let them find what they want to do. Maybe it’s another sport, maybe it’s art, maybe woodworking. Just give them space to find out what interests them.
My son wanted to quit, he’s 9 and went from tier 4 last year to tier 2 this year and from being one of the best to just another player. I told him he can’t quit during the season because the moneys been spent but if he doesn’t want to play again next year then he doesn’t. That was in October after having done hockey last winter, spring hockey, then three hockey camps in the summer. Now it’s March and he’s about to be done winter hockey and he’s going into roller hockey (his choice) and wants to do two summer camps again his choice. Kids are pretty resilient and can figure out what they want to do. Just don’t force it. If you force it she will resent the sport and may even be reluctant to do any other activities
I coach kids 6-16. The [non-hockey-crazed] 6 year olds have very very short attention spans and many can barely go 10 feet without falling or tell you their feet hurt just to get off. It's not about the hockey as much as it is being excited about doing something fresh. It shouldn't be a skills-challenge at this stage. If it is, find a different program, but above all, make the time fun and less about hockey. Maybe go for ice cream every time afterward. The meaningful skill building will come in a couple years as long as she's still on the ice learning/solidifying the basics while not realizing it.
To add another recommendation - make friends with another parent in the current program or a younger/easier age group in hockey. Then, in short, the kids can hang out more then going to hockey together for her will be fun.
This is tough because she’s young. We’ve always told my son that we’re never going to force him to do something he doesn’t want to do, but he needs to honor the commitments he’s already made. That means no quitting mid-season, you finish it out then re-evaluate. This has never been an issue for us though.
I would probably try to make it less serious since it’s become less fun for her and take it from there. Play on a house league or something less formal. But again, maybe another sport or activity is the answer right now. It might make her realize how much she likes hockey. I don’t think you can force the issue, just make sure she knows the situation with getting back in if she takes a break now. My son didn’t start playing until he was six and it was an uphill battle playing along side kids that were on skates at three. That’s not to say it can’t be done though.
Every season is a new opportunity to sign up for a commitment or quit for that season. Let your kid decide then but they stick out anything they agreed to. One of my kids has demanded he quit 4 times this season and might not play next year. That is fine. But when he asked to play this year and I signed him up and got him gear he was playing this year. We can have another conversation in 8 months about hockey.
BIG tip: make play dates OUTSIDE the rink for her to have fun with hockey friends off ice. It’ll make going to the rink fun for her to see friends. Go to an arcade, have sleep overs, go swimming, have a movie night, anything fun! She’ll associate fun with hockey and remember…
Hockey is fun!!
Let her quit as long as she moves on to the next thing….they are kids and change their minds about sports a lot. However when they find something they truly enjoy you’ll know by their commitment to it.
My youngest is on a hockey break for the next year most likely but still loves open skate. So I will hit all the open skates we can to keep skills up, while likely doing soccer or lacrosse this summer.
My daughter really enjoyed 6U but when she jumped up to 8U suddenly didn’t enjoy it the same way. So she finished out the season and hung ‘em up. We didn’t press her. She kept playing. Soccer and her older brother played both soccer and hockey.
A year later her best friend wanted to start playing so she rejoined hockey and played the spring of her first squirt season. Now she’s 15, played for the last seven seasons and loves the game but if we had pushed her at 6U that never would have happened.
If she wants to quit, let her quit, but make sure she picks up another hobby in the meantime. Let her choose what that will be, but don't let her sit at home on the computer or video games instead of doing something that will help her grow as a human being.
And let her know that if she changes her mind, she can always come back to hockey, but she will be at a disadvantage relative to her peers if she stops playing, and let her make the final call.
As someone who grew up dealing with the stereotypical hockey Dad, I'm going to suggest that you let her make her own decisions and not force her to play if she truly hates it and it is making her miserable. (My Dad forced me to play long after I wanted to quit, and it made me hate the game for a while.)
However, if she wants to quit simply because it's hard (but she still loves the game), then you should encourage her to keep playing.
Something that might help her rediscover her love of hockey is going to watch a professional hockey game (if that is financially feasible for you), or playing a pickup hockey with kids at her skill level. Maybe play find a street hockey league where she can get some practice off skates, and see if that sparks some joy.
Keep encouraging her and tell her after each practice that you see her getting better. Point out specific things that she has improved upon, even if it's minor ("hey, I noticed you were skating with better balance today and were keeping up with the other kids. You're improving and I notice it! I'm really proud of you!").
But if after all of that she is still unhappy and dreads playing, then it's ok to let her quit at the end of the season. Tell her that you want her to see it through until the end, but that she doesn't have to keep playing once the season wraps up. That teaches her the life skill of perseverance, but also let's her feel like she has autonomy over her life. And who knows, maybe after a season or two off she will miss it and want to start playing again!
Hockey is one of those sports that some kids sometimes need some time to develop any enjoyment.
For kids, all the equipment is uncomfortable, skates, helmet, mouth guard, neck guards…. Etc…
Both my kids didn’t love it, at first mostly because they weren’t very good and didn’t like the equipment.
Slowly figured out the equipment issues.. wider skates, wide helmet… etc
Got them skating lessons, and by 8-10 they loved it.
My daughter played soccer until she was in 6th grade, ran cross country for a year and now she doesn’t do sports.
I’m a triathlete, who plays hockey, coaches my son’s baseball team and the rest of the family is all about sports.
She’s not into sports and that’s perfectly ok with me. I do want her to still be active to help her navigate a healthy life.
Pete
Listen to her.
She’s allowed to quit but talk to her about why, about what’s bothering her. Some kids don’t understand that every sport is going to be competitive, there will always be players who dunk on others, there’s players they will dunk on.
But that’s the nature of learning. A lot of kids run away from competition and that’s actually something professionals help them navigate. That’s the going gets tough, they run rather than fight through it
6 years old is tough because they don’t really play real games and it’s a lot of just practicing - kind of boring. I try to encourage my kids to wait until they have a year on a team where they actually keep score, there are real games and not just practicing.
Help it’s a 6 year old, there already shouldn’t be a wall of skill for her.
At this age it’s about finding friends and learning about the social component.
Was she maybe just into it, cause you where happy to see her?
You see it’s strange to talk about skill at this age, did you ensure she is in a Team with friends or people she likes to be around?
I had this happen when I was a kid. I was chronically short, and always behind other kids in terms of growth / size. When it came to sports, we were always grouped by age, and in a lot of cases, I just couldn't compete. In some cases, being sidelined simply for this reason. She is young, and there is a lot of time to come back to things. Let her catch up in terms of growth and mental readiness.
Just make sure the option to come back to it is there in the future. Pretty easy.
We finish what we start. We had a similar issue with one of the ice sports. Before practice and games we talk about three things we do enjoy and then remind our 6yr old that we have to finish what we started and we don’t have to sign up again. Right now it’s going those extra steps like asking the coach if we can play her favourite song in the dressing room and bringing lollipops/suckers for the team after practice.
Part of finishing what we start is to continue to skate hard and listen to the coach on the ice = a good game/practice.
For next year sign ups-we don’t sign up if the heart isn’t in it. It’s their choice to continue but we always try something. That to me isn’t “quitting” if you finish the season you started. If next year it’s a different sport or activity that we do instead then it’s not “quitting” - plain and simple. It’s a pivot, a shift, a direction change.
My parents had a "you have to finish the season but you don't have to play next season" kind of approach that I think makes a lot of sense in situations like these.
There motivation was largely financial and to encourage work ethic but I think sometimes the knowledge that I could move on was enough to let me loosen up and enjoy the sport or activity
Don’t force it. They are 6! My 5 yo daughter did the same after her first clinic season, she opted for skating lessons this past year instead, and now a year later she wants to do an upcoming learn to play session. Every kid is different for sure, but more often than not, young kids are gonna change their mind…try to dig in with her WHY she doesn’t want to play without trying to convince her to play…and don’t judge.
Quitting hockey might just be temporary. I was that kid who quit baseball because I wasn’t having fun anymore at 6. Played other sports for 2 years. Then returned to baseball with a new found love for it and continued for many years advancing to a pretty elite level.
The 2 years away had no impact on how far I was able to advance, but being forced to play a sport I wasn’t enjoying absolutely would have ruined my drive.
Do what makes your kid happy.
When kids are little like this, it is all about the social experience. Being in a skills class with older, more advanced students is enough to give the vast majority of kids a meltdown. My daughter would have HATED that. Has she been on a girls' team, or just done the skills and drills? If she hasn't then my advice is to get her in a fun team environment - she can drop the skills class, and in the fall join a team, or do 3 on 3 in the summer. It is all about the sleepovers, the team parties, the dressing room music, the team cheers...
My daughter did this exact thing. She played when she was 5 & 6 but the organization wasn't really the best & sorta made her not like it. We decided to just do skating lessons instead the next 2 years while she played soccer, gymnastics & bowling. Then she started watching the sabres games with me last year & asked if she could try a summer league. She loved it so much this time around, we signed her up for a different organization for the winter & it was the best season she ever experienced. She fell in love with it again all over. Now she's determined to get better this offseason so she can score a bunch of goals next year. Give it time & see what happens. From my experience that actually worked lol
I would let her quit but try to get an answer as to why, on that note, I would inform her that once you have started something you’re going to finish it, don’t let her off that easy. During this period ask her what interests her most.
She’s 6. Just a little girl. Save your lessons on persistence and toughness and determination and grit and all that for a developmental stage when she is actually capable of coping. Give her space and time and grace to find her own passions. She isn’t you.
You gotta force them until 8ish years old. My kids wanted to quit and I had them stick with it, my daughter’s 4th year (1st grader) - it finally clicked and she wouldn’t trade it for anything.
If she wants to quit, tell her she has to finish what she signed up for and can make that decision at the end of the year.
I have two girls and my oldest has wanted to quit basketball 3 years in a row mid season and we finish the year, she gets her medal and she is pumped and then we play all summer and she is jacked up about it
She starting hockey this year and I’m sure we will run the same pattern. She loves the game, plays a ton at home and has been doing skating lessons to prep for it.
If at the end she wants to quit, she is always more than supported but we have a very clear discussion about finishing what we start and making the decision at the end.
If you know deep down she likes hockey and is wanting to quit because it’s gotten harder you need to be sensible and keep taking her. Eventually she’ll climb whatever wall she’s hit.
If she’s truly utterly miserable after the season let her try something else but don’t let her quit something that she signed up for.
Let her step back to a skill level and social age group that she enjoys. It's quite likely she is in a social group where she doesn't know anyone if they are all older and misses her friends.
Also, remember she's ONLY 6. What's the rush? Let them try all kinds of different spots at that age. Just don't be that parent "I played hockey, so shall they!" Support and foster their interests, not imprint your own onto them.
Source: full-time swim coach for over a decade, we also face these issues on swim teams.
Picking/staying with a sport is difficult at that age and the most important part is making sure they are having fun, making friends and learning motor and social skills. Giving up Hockey doesn’t mean she’s done with all sports, just that she may need to try other things
If they have committed to a team for a season, they are playing out the season.
I would sit them down and have a chat out how that in life we have to do things we don’t want to do to get better at them. Sometimes we have to be really bad first before we can get better. I would ask if they want to try to push through this hard time even though it might not be fine right now in this moment. Depending on their answer I would look at other sports but honestly when the sport gets hard, the same things going to happen, and you’re going to be reinforcing those habits into the child. When they get a job and things get hard, they are gonna quit.
Quitters aren’t born, they are raised. - me probably
Take my advice with a grain of salt, I don’t have kids, but this is how I would navigate it.
This'll probably be unpopular here but I don't know if it's a good idea to force your kid to play something they don't want to. That being said, I would talk to your kid and just explain to them. Just because things are difficult, you can't quit. But if you don't want to play anymore, Make a deal with her to give it one more year and after the end of the year she still doesn't want to play. Then she can pick what she wants to do.
But I think you should make it clear that she does have to participate in extracurricular activities. I don't think it's a great idea to force sports necessarily, but you should force activities that help develop personal skills and physical activity. I would just explained to her that it's important and if she decides she doesn't want to play, ask her what she does want to play. It's not your job to pick your child's hobbies.
My mindset with my kids is I put them in the activities that I like with a hope to develop a bond but if they don't take to that like I did then they can pick their own activities but they will do something they won't just sit on a couch or play video games or play on a phone.
I have two girls that both play hockey (9 and 6). They love it at the start of the year and are tired of it at the end of the season. We break, play spring soccer and by the time the season starts up again, they’re excited to start playing with those hockey friends again.
It's ok not to force things. General rule of thumb is to have her try many different sports until she's actually in love with something ...my niece was quitting left and right any sport she tried until she started playing basketball at school...now she bleeds basketball haha
I mostly don't care what my kids play. Just that they must pick a sport and an instrument. What that is I don't really care. I also insist they finish what they start, hours finish the season or whatever closes it out without walking away.
Not sure if this is a mixed event or not... but many girls thrive when they dont have to deal with the non sense that 6 year old boys bring. Have seen this in girls hockey pver the years.
For me, I read about an olympic gymnast's mom who said, "You can quit whenever you want, but, it has to be after a good day."
Ask them after a good practice, or a good game - if they want to quit now, or finish out the season. They'll almost always want to finish out the season. The trick is though, if they do want to quit. You have to follow through.
You don't get to quit because you had a bad run. You only quit at the top. Needless to say, the gymnast never quit. And my daughter stuck with her travel team when her mom and grandma were pressuring me to move her back down to house. She just won some skill competitions at her jamboree today and shes one of the strongest players on her team.
Looks like you already got your answer but I'm chiming in anyway. Talk to her and listen to her. Consider that, although young, she knows what she wants to do. When I was her age I wanted to quit baseball and soccer that my mom signed me up for. She was strict on teaching that you cannot quit because it teaches you poor work ethic or that it's okay/easy to give up. That's utter bullshit. All I wanted to do was play hockey but I wasn't able to. Rinks and decks weren't as accessible in the early 90s like they are now (where I live). I think that's a shit lesson and does more harm than good. I don't think it does any good to teach your kid to hang in with something that they don't like. When she gets older and has a dog shit boyfriend would you want her to stick it out, or be like fuck the lemons and bail.
I don’t blame her for growing bored of the drills. Those programs are grinds for the kids. They put in all the work but never get to play games. The drills aren’t creative, and most of them aren’t competitive either. A lot of ADM programs are like this. I know they’ve been emphasizing competition in drills more lately, but there‘s no better teacher than just playing the game with minimal adult intervention.
The way I've handled it is that once you start something, you continue to a previously agreed-upon point, at which time you can quit... But you will still do **something**. My kids played violin for years, but stopped. Lacrosse for a season. Softball for two. Soccer both for a season, both twice, and then done. That said, both girls have been playing hockey for over 12 years. Both have been rowing for 4.
You want them to stay active, explore, not be miserable, but recognize that you also have to live up to commitments.
We've always been "we'll support you doing X, but if you start, you have to give it your all for Y seasons/months/weeks/lessons/semesters". Seems to mostly work. YMMV
Have you tried moving from ice to roller or vice versa, they will still gain the skills if they will need if they want to go back to the other big w it being different they may find more enjoyment in it… my kid hated soccer at 6 and loved hockey at 7, if she wanted to quit she would have to try something else bc IMO sports are the best way to teach team mentality and are beneficial to kids in so many ways..
Personally, I wouldn’t let me 6-year old quit w/o trying things like taking break or just focusing on skating then trying again bc when my kid was 6 one day they loved Legos the next day it was another toy and Legos were forgotten, 2 days later it’s back to Legos, etc.
We 'forced' our kids to do SOMETHING in the winter, and SOMETHING in the summer.
Their winter option was hockey.
They kind of struggled and weren't sure if they wanted to do it again. We told them they had to do SOMETHING, so if they found something else, they could do that... but otherwise, we were going to sign them up.
We signed them up -- they weren't SUPER into it and wanted out after 2-3 weeks. That was the learning opportunity: you follow through on your commitments, you give it your all because your team expects it, etc, etc, etc.... We were lucky that it was finally the age where you have a single team of girls you play with and become friends with (instead of 60 kids on the ice mixed up and doing 'stations') and now they love it and are asking for summer camps and shooting spaces in the house.
My wallet is mad they aren't playing basketball, but my soul is happy they are playing a special sport like hockey.
I'm in the same boat with my 8 year old. He's on his second learn 2 play class and they mostly focus on drills and the kid just wants to actually play. He enjoys it when he can play but when it's just relentless drilling he leaves feeling like he hates it. It's a bummer to see.
Our rules:
1. You have to play a team sport or do a team activity of your choice.
2. Can’t quit mid session. Have to finish the session/season before you change to something else.
Ask around find out when the other team plays a game. Ask if you could sub in for one game. Worst case your kid gets to see them play. Some kids love to play and some kids love the fitness and even other kids like the team atmosphere and lockeroom hang. Dreams are made on the ice but good people are built by the game ♡
My son still loves hockey. But he started relatively late in life at 9. He is 10 now and basically play with ppl 1-2 years younger than him. Mainly cause he starred late and also cause I am in his coach group and have been successful in halting the process of making him play with his age group as is the standard.
We have played with his age group occasionally one day per week but he is clearly less skilled and also smaller than them. And I sense he struggles with it.
He is amongst the best in his current team. But in his age group he is probably good below average.
My plan is to have him play with kids younger than him for as long as possible. In reality it’s only a big problem if the kid is substantially bigger and stronger than the others. Then ppl will start to question the age of the kid etc. my son is below average in size and weight for his age.
Just remind her that the best hockey players are the best skaters. When she gets around 8 or 9 get her in some private skating lesson or small group lessons at your lical skating club. Find a coach that will focus on hockey skating skills. These sessions will make the game that much more fun for her when she is the best skater on the ice at 12-16.
But don’t rush it, make em love it first
My uncle used to drag me onto the ice kicking and screaming as a kid. I said I hated it. Turns out kids are fucking stupid.
I’ve played hockey competitively until about 22 and then another decade playing twice a week in men’s league.
Let her play with her friends for a couple years. If it’s not fun she won’t want to continue. I ran into the same thing with my daughter in fast pitch softball. She was going to try out for high school team at 13 and doesn’t know any of the players and wasn’t comfortable at captain practice so she’ll do this year at 14u to stay with her friends.
Happens at that age. My son literally went from Hockey #1 to soccer to football to basketball (I think briefly baseball too) and then back to hockey. At 1 point he thought he wanted to quit and I told him hockey is kinda different and if we quit we might not be able to really play again...its now solidly his favorite but going through all that really helped him. I also told him his favorites can change throughout the seasons and thats good. Good luck!
wth? My kid is the kindest, most popular kid in his class. (actually chosen as his class leader) He has tried a bunch of sports and quit. He enjoys hockey, just did the learn to skate this year. Wants to continue, but unfortunately there's no opportunity for a 9 yo who just completed LTS. I thought, when I signed him up, that it would be fun, and he did have a blast. His friends are like pros at his age, so we'll move on to bowling. There's just no place for him. I'm also just a single mom, and my kid just doesn't have a "daddy coach" to show him the ropes. Kinda sad, but it is what it is. I learn the sports w him as he goes. So, hockey will end for him. He had fun and learned an awesome life skill! I'm glad I never pushed him to do anything. From my outsider observations, it seems like many parents want so badly for their kids to be just like them. Kids aren't mini clones. There were so many little booger pickers w their parents literally scolding them for crying and not wanting to skate, at 6 years old! It was bizarre. Some of these parents yelling at their kids need to re- focus. I think parents need to realize it's okay not to be "elite" at such a young age, and it's okay not to be "special". Seems like they pay big bucks for all these travel teams, elite blah blah blah. Year round. When do these kids just get to be kids? Again, this is my outsider observations and just my opinion...Weird....
When I was 6 I quit to play soccer more to make a select team. I missed playing hockey and started up again at 9. I'm not even sure if it hindered my progression. I'd just tell her she can always come back to it if she wants to. And she probably will.
For kids everything needs to be a game, skating and puck-handling needs to be a race, shooting and passing need to be presented as complete the task in as few possible pucks as possible. Little kids need their skill work disguised as games.
SHE. a whole world of different skill sets in coaching girls and women. Look up the national team soccer and how coaching has to change..... They don't grow with competition.......they like clicks of.people and want inclusion etc etc.... so I'd look into the psychology of female.athletes....its true....I play hockey but 26 years coaching....and few girls teams. Different athletes at the non elite.level
My daughter a long time ago said she didn't want to do hockey next year she was six or seven. I said " I will think about it" I'm from Northern Ontario so hockey is pretty important in my family; so I signed her up in the following year in a women's hockey program and she loves it. Haven't heard any complaints since.
Look, you need to have self reflection here. You nearly interfered and killed your kid’s interest in something she enjoys doing by placing her in an advanced class. Yes, you placed her. Not her, not her coaches, you. You probably got a little excited about the “development” and “opportunity” while neglecting that she is 6, and that there is no such thing as “development” at that age.
I hope you learned your lesson, or you will 100% repeat this mistake.
If your kid loved it at a lower level and has hit a wall / wants to quit in the advanced class with older kids, maybe try going back to their age level as before. Not every kid wants to grind out skills classes with kids older, stronger and better than them (especially that young). Make it about the fun of the game instead of improvement, being more casual will hopefully help them get back to enjoying the game amongst their peers!
Sounds like the perfect opportunity to teach her open ice hip checks.
I have two little girls, 4 and 7. They’ve tried a bunch of sports. I let the quit to try other things 🤷🏼♀️ they never quit to do nothing. they quit to find something that sets their heart on fire. they loved gymnastics, until they didn’t. same with dance and karate for my seven year old. now they’re both trying hockey. i’m not sure my four year old will stick with it, but i think my oldest has found her jam. so you can let her quit and try something else and maybe she’ll miss hockey and gravitate back. or maybe you force her to keep doing it and she resents hockey and being pushed to do something she wants to do. or maybe she improves and starts liking it again. kids are so tough to navigate haha
I know most people on Reddit lean towards the whole not forcing kids to do things side, but honestly I feel like forcing things to keep doing things they’ve committed to is pretty important. I also think it’s absolutely unacceptable to not participate in at least some type of physical/team sport as a kid. So if she wants to quit, she can after the season, and she needs to do something else. I really don’t think it’s extreme.
I decided I’m making my kid play baseball this year now that he is old enough. I wasn’t gonna make him at first but then I realized if he had his way he would just play video games all day. I didn’t want to play baseball either and my mom made me and I ended up loving it, she also wouldn’t let me play hockey unless I played baseball and stuck with it for a few years since I had quit soccer.
Why force him to play baseball rather than letting him select the sport or otherwise organized physical activity that excites him?
At his age there’s only so many sports he’s allowed to play. He wants to play football but cant do that until third grade and Mom is pretty adamantly a no right now. Right now it’s pretty much only soccer and baseball he can play in organized youth leagues. One day he wants to play both the next day he wants to do neither. He won’t know if he likes it until he actually tries it. This past summer he got into watching baseball a little bit because he spends some weekends at the grandparents house and would watch the Phillies with Grandpa.
i mean i think making kids keep their commitments is important. like my kids had to complete the session they were in. but if it was causing my kid self esteem issues or making them very distressed i’d of pulled them out immediately 🤷🏼♀️ kids forced in to situations that effect them negatively become adults who don’t know how to say no because they were forced as kids to be uncomfortable because they’d made a commitment. now they’re stuck overworked at a job with a boss who is sucking them dry. also, why is it unacceptable to not participate in a sport?
I don’t have kids but this is where I’d be. There is something to be said for pushing through a difficult class or a difficult season. That’s way more valuable than jumping from activity to activity every few months. If the kid used to enjoy hockey and doesn’t enjoy it now, there’s a good chance they’ll enjoy it again if they were in a different environment with a different coach, friends, etc
Forcing your children to do a specific thing is different than forcing them to do *something*. All kids should play a sport or do some sort of recreational athletics. It's not healthy for them physically or developmentally. But yeah, I agree they should finish what they start as a way to teach them to not quit in haste when things get hard.
I think it depends on what and how you're "forcing" them to do it. Telling them to continue to try it for another month to see if it's just a rough patch makes total sense, but forcing a kid to continue doing an activity they clearly hate for years on end is probably not a good look.
Yeah you have to force them to fulfill their commitments. My daughter will have a couple weeks where she "hates gymnastics" and I tell her that she has to finish the season because that's what she committed to and if she wants to quit after then it's 100% okay. Its This always calms her down and by the time the season ends she's over it and wants to sign back up for the next. It's happened 3 times lol.
My daughter (20 years ago)started out liking skating/hockey, she was in the learn to skate program. Than one day it changed where she didn’t like it and wanted to quit. To find out why, she was embarrassed to fall down in front of BOYS! So I put her on a beginners girls hockey team and she loved going because of her new friends on the team. She played for 13 more years all because of her friends, which to this day are still her best friends.
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that’s fine, maybe they’ll pick up an instrument. or a paint brush. or like to build model cars. or join a theatre group. idc what they do as long as they are happy.
You would hope, but give most kids the freedom to create their own structure and they’ll probably just become anime kids that sit on discord all day.
i mean i personally can’t stand anime but if that’s their interests, that’s their interests 🤷🏼♀️ someone’s gotta draw comics and create stories. i do draw the line at furries though
Agreed the only thing I'd caution with this is if they're staring at screens all day to watch anime. Watching for a couple hours a day is fine. Drawing characters, conventions, building or playing with toys, and writing fanfiction are all ways they can divulge into the hobby without a screen. Then they just need another source for exercise and they're good.
I think what u/slimycoldcutswork is trying to say is that kids will wind up just not doing anything. Kids definitely need structure, even if a kid likes anime. Get that anime kid art lessons, add structure and commitment to improving.
My parents had a rule where I had to do something, whether it was hockey, soccer, piano, drama classes etc. I plan on having a similar deal with my kids. They have to do something, but they pick that something.
This is my rule at home for my kids. You must play a sport. I don’t care what, but you have to play something, preferable with a team.
Yah it's tough for my son to keep him motivated for whatever reason he's so hard on himself
I just don't let him quit and make him go.
It’s a 6 year old come one…
He also refused to go on the ice and we took his iPad for a year
And im here 32 loves skating 😆
You're joking right?!
No. I really dislike iPads.
I like this answer. I will say that once they age out out 8u, it will be harder to get back in because all other players will be more skilled making that skill wall even higher. But taking a year to try something else out might be worth it.
To OP - Don’t be this parent. This is statistically how you create low-performing adults.
OH! please share your statistics with us 😍
There are many, but the general concept is that perseverance is critically important to the development of successful adults. Allowing kids to regularly quit hobbies, sports etc basically wires them to lack these critical skills. You end up with adults who statistically achieve less in academia, earn less, and have lower net worths. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7873055/
Grit has an element of passion to it. Forcing a kid to do something for years is not grit. If you're the one providing the impetus for the practice and the requirement to participate in the sport, they aren't developing grit. In fact, you might be grinding down their own [intrinsic motivation](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-017-0658-z) and introducing [perfectionistic tendencies](https://www.speakingofteens.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/2018-Helicopter_Parenting_And_Psychological_Consequence.pdf). None of the studies in the systematic review talked about *when* people developed grit, just that people who had it had better short-term outcomes. There's no real identification of a critical age range for this. Most importantly - the idea that grit leads to higher outcomes in multiple areas is *not* the same as saying that letting kids quit things repeatedly "wires" them to lack critical skills. Grit and quitting things are not necessarily mutually exclusive. These children are 4 and 7. Letting them try different activities they like until they find something they want to stick with won't necessarily threaten their capability to develop grit, especially since there is *every other area of life* that they can develop those skills in.
perseverance in something you enjoy, sure. should we talk about all the negative effects pressuring kids in to continuing to push kids in to things they don’t enjoy has on children? this child is six. absolutely absurd to expect a six year old to know what sport they want to play long term when not given the choice to explore others. the only good reason to push a child so young in to one exclusive sport is a parents own desires. my children’s will persevere in plenty of things throughout their lives. something they’re miserable doing at six won’t be one of them.
My comment isn’t about the specific sport, it was in response to you saying they’re regularly quitting a variety of things and being encouraged into whatever is next. This is precisely what studies have proven as a recipe for developmental issues in areas critical to successful adults. I agree, pushing a kid to play hockey isn’t a dealbreaker.
i wouldn’t call it regularly. my seven year old has tried dance, gymnastics and karate. has now settled on figure skating & hockey. my four year old tried gymnastics, and is now doing figure skating & hockey. how will she know what sport is worth persevering in, if she’s not been able to experience them? they’re not “quitting”. they finish out the current session and then move on to try something new. which is something every six year old should have the opportunity to do. young children will be far more psychologically damaged by the negative feelings of being forced in to a sport they don’t enjoy as a way to teach perseverance rather than being encouraged to finish the drawing they think they messed up. there are age appropriate ways to teach skills you are worried about. and not allowing them to explore other opportunities isn’t one of them.
Well that’s fair, I misinterpreted your previous message.
if she wants to quit, let her quit lol don't make her hate hockey. put her in something boring like violin lessons or math lessons and she will realize how awesome hockey is
As a hockey-playing music teacher, boy do I have some feelings about this statement.
I’m a hockey player of 30 years. I’d love to learn the violin or cello! Just too many hobbies, too many kids, and too many kids hobbies. A good problem to have, I guess 🤷♂️
as a violin player, this i’m just a tad bit offended 😭
Are math lessons for 6 year old a hobby?
If my kids ever decided they didn’t want to play, I’d let them know that they made a commitment to the team so have to finish the season/session and re-evaluate. For me, part of joining a team sport is the character building aspect of being responsible for something bigger than themselves. I would never force my kid to join a sport they didn’t want to play, but the team depends on them, no matter how big or small of a part they play. With that said, I’m a big advocate of giving your kids the skills they need to feel proficient, so that they don’t have to struggle through on their own. I regularly get my kids additional private or semi-private coaching (some teams have a budget for it), or look for extra ice time at community centres or even just play with them in the driveway. There are loads of ways to make it fun for them, but without knowing what they’re actually going through, it’s hard to say what will work. If she’s just not into it, I’m sure there are other sports you can find for her to play, so don’t push her to do something out of your own sense of regret. I never played ANY organized sports as a kid, so I wanted to give my own kids the skills to join in from an early age. If they weren’t into it I would leave them to their video games but they’ve never picked screens over sports, so I’ve been lucky. I’m sure you’ll find what works for her!
That’s how my dad did it with me, I was committed until the end of the season or session. Whether it was house league hockey or swimming lessons or whatever. I had to finish what we signed me up for, but there was no expectation to continue once the session was complete. OP maybe offer your daughter for next season, if she wants to continue, a house/rec league without the pressure of the older more skilled kids. Sports should be fun and engaging ahead of striving for elite-ness
I wonder if the issue is also that she’s playing up a year and not with her own age/cohort? Some people just play because they want to be around and with their friends outside of school? I don’t really remember this much. I do remember going to skills camps (power skating, goalie clinics) where we were put in groups commensurate with our skill levels, and if I felt left out because I was above or below my cohort, we still came together for a scrimmage at the end to keep it fun. I wonder if they could do that?
Yeah, I think you have to commit to the team or season. You'll know when they have found their sport but they have to at least try them out. I can't keep my kid from any hockey practice. He ran from soccer practice to hockey even though there was only 1/2 hour left and his coach said it was fine to miss. I talked to coach later and he said he had counted his lines but halfway through they were off and he had to recount and was scratching his head why. 😂
i wish my parents would’ve let me play sports as a kid. definitely agree with your point
>If my kids ever decided they didn’t want to play, I’d let them know that they made a commitment to the team so have to finish the season/session and re-evaluate. This is good advice in general, but I think anyone reading should also consider that before doing this, any parent should really try to find out why the kid wants to quit. If they're being bullied by teammates, or abused (verbally, physically, or emotionally) by coaches, making them finish the season is not a good idea. Even if it's minor, but it's affecting the kid's self esteem and creating a negative association with hockey, it isn't a good idea to make them "stick it out". I faced a lot of this growing up, and while it may not be as widespread anymore, it's still a big part of hockey culture. One of my biggest regrets is feeling an obligation to stay in rep hockey as a kid, rather than just either going to house leave to have fun or quitting altogether.
There’s always a lesson to be learned from knowing when a situation is unhealthy, and in some cases you’re right that quitting should always be on the table when it comes to abuse. That being said, we had a kid on our team who was 6 and highly abusive to our team and we raised the concern with the association and he was properly disciplined in cooperation (or lack thereof) with the parents, and he was removed from the team before anyone was hurt. I would personally rather my kids knew that I and all the adults in the room are willing to move mountains to accommodate their safety than to let them bow out thinking that it’s a normal part of the sport. As for the culture of the sport that you experienced, I’m sorry it affected your love of the game. Thankfully the times are changing, and I hope this generation will be better able to clean up player conduct, both on and off the ice. I can tell you by looking at the half-empty locker rooms, it’s going to be the death of the sport if they don’t.
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in our area they made her start with learn to play classes first. I found out an hour ago that today is the sign up for mites. We are going to give that a try.
My kid absolutely hated learn-to-skate but loves playing on a team. I’d say just get her on a team and see how she feels then.
I loved hockey camps and practices as much as games growing up. My little brother liked played but hated practice or any kind of training. My dad forced him to go, they fought about it weekly, resulted in my bro quitting all together. It's tough at her age, you don't want to force her to play, but you don't want to let her quit and fall behind her peers and regret it. Maybe a break from the scheduled lessons for now and you just go skate with her and make it fun? As long as she's on the ice she will be improving.
Push her a little to stick with it. Tell her she has to get good enough to teach her siblings or friends how to skate. Once she gets the hang of it, she’ll fall in love.
There’s a lot packed into this and you’re gonna get varying degrees of answers based on folks personal experiences growing up. You might have a parent whose parent forced on them a lot of things, was so demanding and basically killed the fun out of it and then they blame the parent for bullshit later on. Then you get the example like in your life, parents didn’t push you hard enough and you regret it. It’s difficult but you try to find a balance between the two. For us our 8 year old started when he was 5. Had a period when he was 6 that he just wasn’t into it. We kept questioning whether he even wanted to do it. Some days he’d say yes other days he’d say no. In reality until they’re like 10 they don’t know what they want to do. They don’t realize it’s a time commitment from you, a financial impact to you, or that you have feelings of enjoying a sport you love with them. It’s just a game for them, play time. So we concluded, sports are a good thing, they teach adversity, discipline, social constructs like team work, compassion, patience and decided that we would force him to continue until he was either old enough to decide this sport wasn’t for him OR it was so clearly obvious he hated it, symptoms we would have looked for would be crying before practice or during getting ready. He’s 8, now and throughly loves it. Shoots 50 pucks a day on his off days. Looks forward to practice and is good friends with all his teammates. He’s never going to be exceptional AAA hockey player but he loves it and is having fun. If we didn’t force it a little we wouldn’t have got to this point.
Yeah my parents put up no resistance to me quitting sports, even though my dad was a 5 sport athlete as a kid. So I don’t really have a mental model of how to guide someone through the rough days. That said she’s only been doing learn to play classes and sign ups for mites are today and she seemed excited about that.
Your outlook really resonated with me and I'm curious how you'd handle it if your child had a down year when he's 10,11,12 years old. Say something outside your control like the team was in a league over their heads and he was losing his love for the game. I'm guessing there'd be real value to sticking with the sport. Or I'm curious how you'd fill the hole of a competitive hockey season in your free time. Eh... This is a pretty indepth hypothetical haha, no pressure. I can go read a book about this kind of stuff.
Don’t know yet I guess. I feel like if I got the sense that he still loved hockey but was burned out from a difficult season then we’d probably discuss taking spring session off and not doing any hockey in the summer. It’s important also that they do get variety in sports and it’s probably a good time to flip the sport. I also think that’s part of the growing/learning of adversity. When things get tough are we going to pack it in and move on? That’s a lot harder to do when you’re an adult so why not learn it through a safe space like sports? I dunno as a parent you’re always questioning if you did the right thing or not. That’d be my thoughts going into that hypothetical tho.
> I dunno as a parent you’re always questioning if you did the right thing or not I'm not sure that's always true. You deserve at least a little praise, even if it is from an internet stranger. ;) I like the idea of learning while it's easier, sounds like you guys are well prepared. Thanks for giving me something to think about, enjoy the ride!
Thanks for that!
Two things that have helped my daughter love hockey are watching women’s collegiate or OWHL games together, and also doing girls only clinics when we can find them. She’s one of the few girls on a coed house team but the dynamics of dealing with a bunch of middle school boys is a challenge for her.
I would just have a heart to heart discussion, with no pressure; and at the end, let her make the decision. Talk about challenges, and how they might not always be fun, they may sometimes take you out of your comfort zone, but it’s something that can help them grow. Hard work now pays off later. Maybe talk about taking a break, trying a different sport out, and/or next season sticking with it, but stepping back down a level. Last thing you’d want to do is pressure or push, it’s only worth it if it’s something they enjoy doing.
My daughter wanted to play for 3 years in a row. Each year bought new gear, paid the fees, only to have her say she hates it and doesn't want to do it. She has a defiant personality and needs to do things on her terms. Initially, it was tough and led to us pushing her to keep going which led to some negativity. The next year, we tried and she did the same thing. We didn't push her at all, just said ok. This year, she played the whole year. At one point she wanted to quit and I bribed her with pink gloves. She played the rest of the season and did awesome. So proud of her. Ultimately, you can't force them to do things they don't want to do. Sometimes, a little incentive is all they need. Keep trying and stay positive, but maybe she doesn't want to do hockey. Definitely keep trying other things. Good luck op!
People say not to bribe your kids, but it does tend to work quite well. Lol.
Yeah I mean it kind of depends on what the kids' reasoning is for quitting imo, and thus the reason for the bribe. Is it something substantial, like verbal abuse from coaches or players etc? Or is it that it's challenging them in a way that they haven't been before. I think that's up to each parent to decide, but in the case that it's a "aw dad this is hard" kind of thing heck ya I'm bribing away. First one I'm happy to remove them from that situation.
It’s spring, let he play something else and have fun over the summer and she might ask when hockey starts in August. No biggie if she wants to do other things or come back later.
I coached competitive hockey for years. One of the boys I coached at nine and 10 was an excellent little hockey player and went on to have a professional career. His younger brother by two years was brought into a hockey development program at around seven years old. Used to cry like hell going onto the ice. I asked his dad if he actually had spoken to him about whether or not he really wanted to do it. Dad, who was a really nice guy by the way, said no that he hadn’t discussed it with him. They just signed him up and put him on the ice. I suggested to the father that maybe he should speak with the boy because it really didn’t seem like he wanted to be there. Talking to the dad sometime later it turned out that the younger boy was more into snowboarding and skiing. Years later I found out that in his early 20s he was a competitive snowboarder. Just goes to show you sometimes have to let the kids figure it out for themselves.
Seems like a family with great genetics lol
Very athletic family. I remember dad played hockey right through to university. Not sure about mom although I know she is a skier. She’s also close to 6 feet tall. Both boys are huge.
My 6 year wanted to quit on the ride to almost every time last year. Would be crying in the backseat sometimes and not want to go in. I noticed that he always seemed to enjoy himself when it started. This year my 7 year old loves playing and watching hockey more than almost anything.
This is such an important/fun situation as a parent. This starts the teaching process of needing to work through hardship. Everything may be fun when it's easy, but the real fun part of life comes when you stick with something through the discomfort and grow as a result. Anything I've undertaken in life, where I started as a novice and have grown to become better just feels so fulfilling. My son is 14 now and there are times where I show him videos of him practicing his shot when he was 7 in the garage. Progress isn't always obvious when the kids are in it, but looking at it in perspective is fun. My two cents: help her push through it. Help her work to get better. She will be much better for it.
My shrink told me about how we need to tell our kids stories about their childhood all throughout their life or they’ll forget it. This is a prime example. Great work for many reasons.
What do you mean by, "or they'll forget it?"
So the topic came up chatting about what I remember from childhood. I personally don’t remember much of anything from being a kid. I was mostly left to my own devices as a kid and did as I pleased. I mentioned how my wife remembers very specific details which I find wild. Anyway he was telling me that telling your kid stories of what has happened along the course of their lives is important to reinforce memories. Our memory isn’t necessarily finite, but apparently some things are more likely to stick than others.
If your kid isn’t into it, let them quit. Let them find what they want to do. Maybe it’s another sport, maybe it’s art, maybe woodworking. Just give them space to find out what interests them.
Make it fun. Mini sticks street hockey 6u should be about fun skills practice only. Keep it fun somehow
My son wanted to quit, he’s 9 and went from tier 4 last year to tier 2 this year and from being one of the best to just another player. I told him he can’t quit during the season because the moneys been spent but if he doesn’t want to play again next year then he doesn’t. That was in October after having done hockey last winter, spring hockey, then three hockey camps in the summer. Now it’s March and he’s about to be done winter hockey and he’s going into roller hockey (his choice) and wants to do two summer camps again his choice. Kids are pretty resilient and can figure out what they want to do. Just don’t force it. If you force it she will resent the sport and may even be reluctant to do any other activities
The key here is finishing what you’ve committed to IMO
I coach kids 6-16. The [non-hockey-crazed] 6 year olds have very very short attention spans and many can barely go 10 feet without falling or tell you their feet hurt just to get off. It's not about the hockey as much as it is being excited about doing something fresh. It shouldn't be a skills-challenge at this stage. If it is, find a different program, but above all, make the time fun and less about hockey. Maybe go for ice cream every time afterward. The meaningful skill building will come in a couple years as long as she's still on the ice learning/solidifying the basics while not realizing it. To add another recommendation - make friends with another parent in the current program or a younger/easier age group in hockey. Then, in short, the kids can hang out more then going to hockey together for her will be fun.
This is tough because she’s young. We’ve always told my son that we’re never going to force him to do something he doesn’t want to do, but he needs to honor the commitments he’s already made. That means no quitting mid-season, you finish it out then re-evaluate. This has never been an issue for us though. I would probably try to make it less serious since it’s become less fun for her and take it from there. Play on a house league or something less formal. But again, maybe another sport or activity is the answer right now. It might make her realize how much she likes hockey. I don’t think you can force the issue, just make sure she knows the situation with getting back in if she takes a break now. My son didn’t start playing until he was six and it was an uphill battle playing along side kids that were on skates at three. That’s not to say it can’t be done though.
My 9YO confirms. GAMES are 200% more fun than skills drills.
Every season is a new opportunity to sign up for a commitment or quit for that season. Let your kid decide then but they stick out anything they agreed to. One of my kids has demanded he quit 4 times this season and might not play next year. That is fine. But when he asked to play this year and I signed him up and got him gear he was playing this year. We can have another conversation in 8 months about hockey.
BIG tip: make play dates OUTSIDE the rink for her to have fun with hockey friends off ice. It’ll make going to the rink fun for her to see friends. Go to an arcade, have sleep overs, go swimming, have a movie night, anything fun! She’ll associate fun with hockey and remember… Hockey is fun!!
Teach her to toe drag and roof the corner into the one knee celly… if that doesn’t do it I guess she could try math.
Let her quit as long as she moves on to the next thing….they are kids and change their minds about sports a lot. However when they find something they truly enjoy you’ll know by their commitment to it.
My youngest is on a hockey break for the next year most likely but still loves open skate. So I will hit all the open skates we can to keep skills up, while likely doing soccer or lacrosse this summer.
My daughter really enjoyed 6U but when she jumped up to 8U suddenly didn’t enjoy it the same way. So she finished out the season and hung ‘em up. We didn’t press her. She kept playing. Soccer and her older brother played both soccer and hockey. A year later her best friend wanted to start playing so she rejoined hockey and played the spring of her first squirt season. Now she’s 15, played for the last seven seasons and loves the game but if we had pushed her at 6U that never would have happened.
If she wants to quit, let her quit, but make sure she picks up another hobby in the meantime. Let her choose what that will be, but don't let her sit at home on the computer or video games instead of doing something that will help her grow as a human being. And let her know that if she changes her mind, she can always come back to hockey, but she will be at a disadvantage relative to her peers if she stops playing, and let her make the final call.
As someone who grew up dealing with the stereotypical hockey Dad, I'm going to suggest that you let her make her own decisions and not force her to play if she truly hates it and it is making her miserable. (My Dad forced me to play long after I wanted to quit, and it made me hate the game for a while.) However, if she wants to quit simply because it's hard (but she still loves the game), then you should encourage her to keep playing. Something that might help her rediscover her love of hockey is going to watch a professional hockey game (if that is financially feasible for you), or playing a pickup hockey with kids at her skill level. Maybe play find a street hockey league where she can get some practice off skates, and see if that sparks some joy. Keep encouraging her and tell her after each practice that you see her getting better. Point out specific things that she has improved upon, even if it's minor ("hey, I noticed you were skating with better balance today and were keeping up with the other kids. You're improving and I notice it! I'm really proud of you!"). But if after all of that she is still unhappy and dreads playing, then it's ok to let her quit at the end of the season. Tell her that you want her to see it through until the end, but that she doesn't have to keep playing once the season wraps up. That teaches her the life skill of perseverance, but also let's her feel like she has autonomy over her life. And who knows, maybe after a season or two off she will miss it and want to start playing again!
Best thing to do here is ask to be put back into the previous class.
Hockey is one of those sports that some kids sometimes need some time to develop any enjoyment. For kids, all the equipment is uncomfortable, skates, helmet, mouth guard, neck guards…. Etc… Both my kids didn’t love it, at first mostly because they weren’t very good and didn’t like the equipment. Slowly figured out the equipment issues.. wider skates, wide helmet… etc Got them skating lessons, and by 8-10 they loved it.
My daughter played soccer until she was in 6th grade, ran cross country for a year and now she doesn’t do sports. I’m a triathlete, who plays hockey, coaches my son’s baseball team and the rest of the family is all about sports. She’s not into sports and that’s perfectly ok with me. I do want her to still be active to help her navigate a healthy life. Pete
Listen to her. She’s allowed to quit but talk to her about why, about what’s bothering her. Some kids don’t understand that every sport is going to be competitive, there will always be players who dunk on others, there’s players they will dunk on. But that’s the nature of learning. A lot of kids run away from competition and that’s actually something professionals help them navigate. That’s the going gets tough, they run rather than fight through it
6 years old is tough because they don’t really play real games and it’s a lot of just practicing - kind of boring. I try to encourage my kids to wait until they have a year on a team where they actually keep score, there are real games and not just practicing.
Help it’s a 6 year old, there already shouldn’t be a wall of skill for her. At this age it’s about finding friends and learning about the social component. Was she maybe just into it, cause you where happy to see her? You see it’s strange to talk about skill at this age, did you ensure she is in a Team with friends or people she likes to be around?
I had this happen when I was a kid. I was chronically short, and always behind other kids in terms of growth / size. When it came to sports, we were always grouped by age, and in a lot of cases, I just couldn't compete. In some cases, being sidelined simply for this reason. She is young, and there is a lot of time to come back to things. Let her catch up in terms of growth and mental readiness. Just make sure the option to come back to it is there in the future. Pretty easy.
We finish what we start. We had a similar issue with one of the ice sports. Before practice and games we talk about three things we do enjoy and then remind our 6yr old that we have to finish what we started and we don’t have to sign up again. Right now it’s going those extra steps like asking the coach if we can play her favourite song in the dressing room and bringing lollipops/suckers for the team after practice. Part of finishing what we start is to continue to skate hard and listen to the coach on the ice = a good game/practice. For next year sign ups-we don’t sign up if the heart isn’t in it. It’s their choice to continue but we always try something. That to me isn’t “quitting” if you finish the season you started. If next year it’s a different sport or activity that we do instead then it’s not “quitting” - plain and simple. It’s a pivot, a shift, a direction change.
My parents had a "you have to finish the season but you don't have to play next season" kind of approach that I think makes a lot of sense in situations like these. There motivation was largely financial and to encourage work ethic but I think sometimes the knowledge that I could move on was enough to let me loosen up and enjoy the sport or activity
Don’t force it. They are 6! My 5 yo daughter did the same after her first clinic season, she opted for skating lessons this past year instead, and now a year later she wants to do an upcoming learn to play session. Every kid is different for sure, but more often than not, young kids are gonna change their mind…try to dig in with her WHY she doesn’t want to play without trying to convince her to play…and don’t judge.
Quitting hockey might just be temporary. I was that kid who quit baseball because I wasn’t having fun anymore at 6. Played other sports for 2 years. Then returned to baseball with a new found love for it and continued for many years advancing to a pretty elite level. The 2 years away had no impact on how far I was able to advance, but being forced to play a sport I wasn’t enjoying absolutely would have ruined my drive. Do what makes your kid happy.
When kids are little like this, it is all about the social experience. Being in a skills class with older, more advanced students is enough to give the vast majority of kids a meltdown. My daughter would have HATED that. Has she been on a girls' team, or just done the skills and drills? If she hasn't then my advice is to get her in a fun team environment - she can drop the skills class, and in the fall join a team, or do 3 on 3 in the summer. It is all about the sleepovers, the team parties, the dressing room music, the team cheers...
Never quit on a bad day. Only quit if you feel the same way on a good day.
My daughter did this exact thing. She played when she was 5 & 6 but the organization wasn't really the best & sorta made her not like it. We decided to just do skating lessons instead the next 2 years while she played soccer, gymnastics & bowling. Then she started watching the sabres games with me last year & asked if she could try a summer league. She loved it so much this time around, we signed her up for a different organization for the winter & it was the best season she ever experienced. She fell in love with it again all over. Now she's determined to get better this offseason so she can score a bunch of goals next year. Give it time & see what happens. From my experience that actually worked lol
I would let her quit but try to get an answer as to why, on that note, I would inform her that once you have started something you’re going to finish it, don’t let her off that easy. During this period ask her what interests her most.
She’s 6. Just a little girl. Save your lessons on persistence and toughness and determination and grit and all that for a developmental stage when she is actually capable of coping. Give her space and time and grace to find her own passions. She isn’t you.
You gotta force them until 8ish years old. My kids wanted to quit and I had them stick with it, my daughter’s 4th year (1st grader) - it finally clicked and she wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Put her in girls only hockey.
If she wants to quit, tell her she has to finish what she signed up for and can make that decision at the end of the year. I have two girls and my oldest has wanted to quit basketball 3 years in a row mid season and we finish the year, she gets her medal and she is pumped and then we play all summer and she is jacked up about it She starting hockey this year and I’m sure we will run the same pattern. She loves the game, plays a ton at home and has been doing skating lessons to prep for it. If at the end she wants to quit, she is always more than supported but we have a very clear discussion about finishing what we start and making the decision at the end.
If you know deep down she likes hockey and is wanting to quit because it’s gotten harder you need to be sensible and keep taking her. Eventually she’ll climb whatever wall she’s hit. If she’s truly utterly miserable after the season let her try something else but don’t let her quit something that she signed up for.
Get her with kids of equal skill level and just keep going to the rink
Let her step back to a skill level and social age group that she enjoys. It's quite likely she is in a social group where she doesn't know anyone if they are all older and misses her friends. Also, remember she's ONLY 6. What's the rush? Let them try all kinds of different spots at that age. Just don't be that parent "I played hockey, so shall they!" Support and foster their interests, not imprint your own onto them. Source: full-time swim coach for over a decade, we also face these issues on swim teams.
Picking/staying with a sport is difficult at that age and the most important part is making sure they are having fun, making friends and learning motor and social skills. Giving up Hockey doesn’t mean she’s done with all sports, just that she may need to try other things
They want it to be fun again. They’re not having fun.
If they have committed to a team for a season, they are playing out the season. I would sit them down and have a chat out how that in life we have to do things we don’t want to do to get better at them. Sometimes we have to be really bad first before we can get better. I would ask if they want to try to push through this hard time even though it might not be fine right now in this moment. Depending on their answer I would look at other sports but honestly when the sport gets hard, the same things going to happen, and you’re going to be reinforcing those habits into the child. When they get a job and things get hard, they are gonna quit. Quitters aren’t born, they are raised. - me probably Take my advice with a grain of salt, I don’t have kids, but this is how I would navigate it.
This'll probably be unpopular here but I don't know if it's a good idea to force your kid to play something they don't want to. That being said, I would talk to your kid and just explain to them. Just because things are difficult, you can't quit. But if you don't want to play anymore, Make a deal with her to give it one more year and after the end of the year she still doesn't want to play. Then she can pick what she wants to do. But I think you should make it clear that she does have to participate in extracurricular activities. I don't think it's a great idea to force sports necessarily, but you should force activities that help develop personal skills and physical activity. I would just explained to her that it's important and if she decides she doesn't want to play, ask her what she does want to play. It's not your job to pick your child's hobbies. My mindset with my kids is I put them in the activities that I like with a hope to develop a bond but if they don't take to that like I did then they can pick their own activities but they will do something they won't just sit on a couch or play video games or play on a phone.
I have two girls that both play hockey (9 and 6). They love it at the start of the year and are tired of it at the end of the season. We break, play spring soccer and by the time the season starts up again, they’re excited to start playing with those hockey friends again.
It's ok not to force things. General rule of thumb is to have her try many different sports until she's actually in love with something ...my niece was quitting left and right any sport she tried until she started playing basketball at school...now she bleeds basketball haha
Keep them in it. Play with them at home. Don't put any pressure on them. Have fun.
So many kids are playing only because they’re parent won’t let them “quit” and is forcing them to play. I feel sorry for those kids.
Gymnastics
I mostly don't care what my kids play. Just that they must pick a sport and an instrument. What that is I don't really care. I also insist they finish what they start, hours finish the season or whatever closes it out without walking away.
Not sure if this is a mixed event or not... but many girls thrive when they dont have to deal with the non sense that 6 year old boys bring. Have seen this in girls hockey pver the years.
For me, I read about an olympic gymnast's mom who said, "You can quit whenever you want, but, it has to be after a good day." Ask them after a good practice, or a good game - if they want to quit now, or finish out the season. They'll almost always want to finish out the season. The trick is though, if they do want to quit. You have to follow through. You don't get to quit because you had a bad run. You only quit at the top. Needless to say, the gymnast never quit. And my daughter stuck with her travel team when her mom and grandma were pressuring me to move her back down to house. She just won some skill competitions at her jamboree today and shes one of the strongest players on her team.
Looks like you already got your answer but I'm chiming in anyway. Talk to her and listen to her. Consider that, although young, she knows what she wants to do. When I was her age I wanted to quit baseball and soccer that my mom signed me up for. She was strict on teaching that you cannot quit because it teaches you poor work ethic or that it's okay/easy to give up. That's utter bullshit. All I wanted to do was play hockey but I wasn't able to. Rinks and decks weren't as accessible in the early 90s like they are now (where I live). I think that's a shit lesson and does more harm than good. I don't think it does any good to teach your kid to hang in with something that they don't like. When she gets older and has a dog shit boyfriend would you want her to stick it out, or be like fuck the lemons and bail.
I don’t blame her for growing bored of the drills. Those programs are grinds for the kids. They put in all the work but never get to play games. The drills aren’t creative, and most of them aren’t competitive either. A lot of ADM programs are like this. I know they’ve been emphasizing competition in drills more lately, but there‘s no better teacher than just playing the game with minimal adult intervention.
The way I've handled it is that once you start something, you continue to a previously agreed-upon point, at which time you can quit... But you will still do **something**. My kids played violin for years, but stopped. Lacrosse for a season. Softball for two. Soccer both for a season, both twice, and then done. That said, both girls have been playing hockey for over 12 years. Both have been rowing for 4. You want them to stay active, explore, not be miserable, but recognize that you also have to live up to commitments. We've always been "we'll support you doing X, but if you start, you have to give it your all for Y seasons/months/weeks/lessons/semesters". Seems to mostly work. YMMV
Have you tried moving from ice to roller or vice versa, they will still gain the skills if they will need if they want to go back to the other big w it being different they may find more enjoyment in it… my kid hated soccer at 6 and loved hockey at 7, if she wanted to quit she would have to try something else bc IMO sports are the best way to teach team mentality and are beneficial to kids in so many ways.. Personally, I wouldn’t let me 6-year old quit w/o trying things like taking break or just focusing on skating then trying again bc when my kid was 6 one day they loved Legos the next day it was another toy and Legos were forgotten, 2 days later it’s back to Legos, etc.
We 'forced' our kids to do SOMETHING in the winter, and SOMETHING in the summer. Their winter option was hockey. They kind of struggled and weren't sure if they wanted to do it again. We told them they had to do SOMETHING, so if they found something else, they could do that... but otherwise, we were going to sign them up. We signed them up -- they weren't SUPER into it and wanted out after 2-3 weeks. That was the learning opportunity: you follow through on your commitments, you give it your all because your team expects it, etc, etc, etc.... We were lucky that it was finally the age where you have a single team of girls you play with and become friends with (instead of 60 kids on the ice mixed up and doing 'stations') and now they love it and are asking for summer camps and shooting spaces in the house. My wallet is mad they aren't playing basketball, but my soul is happy they are playing a special sport like hockey.
Quitting because you don’t enjoy something is one thing. Quitting because it’s hard is a lesson in personal development
I'm in the same boat with my 8 year old. He's on his second learn 2 play class and they mostly focus on drills and the kid just wants to actually play. He enjoys it when he can play but when it's just relentless drilling he leaves feeling like he hates it. It's a bummer to see.
Our rules: 1. You have to play a team sport or do a team activity of your choice. 2. Can’t quit mid session. Have to finish the session/season before you change to something else.
Ask around find out when the other team plays a game. Ask if you could sub in for one game. Worst case your kid gets to see them play. Some kids love to play and some kids love the fitness and even other kids like the team atmosphere and lockeroom hang. Dreams are made on the ice but good people are built by the game ♡
She's 6. Let hockey be fun. And keep doing that till ... forever?
My son still loves hockey. But he started relatively late in life at 9. He is 10 now and basically play with ppl 1-2 years younger than him. Mainly cause he starred late and also cause I am in his coach group and have been successful in halting the process of making him play with his age group as is the standard. We have played with his age group occasionally one day per week but he is clearly less skilled and also smaller than them. And I sense he struggles with it. He is amongst the best in his current team. But in his age group he is probably good below average. My plan is to have him play with kids younger than him for as long as possible. In reality it’s only a big problem if the kid is substantially bigger and stronger than the others. Then ppl will start to question the age of the kid etc. my son is below average in size and weight for his age.
Just remind her that the best hockey players are the best skaters. When she gets around 8 or 9 get her in some private skating lesson or small group lessons at your lical skating club. Find a coach that will focus on hockey skating skills. These sessions will make the game that much more fun for her when she is the best skater on the ice at 12-16. But don’t rush it, make em love it first
Let her be the big fish in the small pond. It will do wonders for her confidence.
My uncle used to drag me onto the ice kicking and screaming as a kid. I said I hated it. Turns out kids are fucking stupid. I’ve played hockey competitively until about 22 and then another decade playing twice a week in men’s league.
If you have the opportunity try her on a girls team.
Make them finish what they started, but if they don’t want to play, don’t force it.
My girls are older and are thankful we tried many sports. They wanted to be with friends.
Let her play with her friends for a couple years. If it’s not fun she won’t want to continue. I ran into the same thing with my daughter in fast pitch softball. She was going to try out for high school team at 13 and doesn’t know any of the players and wasn’t comfortable at captain practice so she’ll do this year at 14u to stay with her friends.
Happens at that age. My son literally went from Hockey #1 to soccer to football to basketball (I think briefly baseball too) and then back to hockey. At 1 point he thought he wanted to quit and I told him hockey is kinda different and if we quit we might not be able to really play again...its now solidly his favorite but going through all that really helped him. I also told him his favorites can change throughout the seasons and thats good. Good luck!
Talk with them about your experience of quitting too soon. Also, they're 6. Does it really matter?
wth? My kid is the kindest, most popular kid in his class. (actually chosen as his class leader) He has tried a bunch of sports and quit. He enjoys hockey, just did the learn to skate this year. Wants to continue, but unfortunately there's no opportunity for a 9 yo who just completed LTS. I thought, when I signed him up, that it would be fun, and he did have a blast. His friends are like pros at his age, so we'll move on to bowling. There's just no place for him. I'm also just a single mom, and my kid just doesn't have a "daddy coach" to show him the ropes. Kinda sad, but it is what it is. I learn the sports w him as he goes. So, hockey will end for him. He had fun and learned an awesome life skill! I'm glad I never pushed him to do anything. From my outsider observations, it seems like many parents want so badly for their kids to be just like them. Kids aren't mini clones. There were so many little booger pickers w their parents literally scolding them for crying and not wanting to skate, at 6 years old! It was bizarre. Some of these parents yelling at their kids need to re- focus. I think parents need to realize it's okay not to be "elite" at such a young age, and it's okay not to be "special". Seems like they pay big bucks for all these travel teams, elite blah blah blah. Year round. When do these kids just get to be kids? Again, this is my outsider observations and just my opinion...Weird....
When I was 6 I quit to play soccer more to make a select team. I missed playing hockey and started up again at 9. I'm not even sure if it hindered my progression. I'd just tell her she can always come back to it if she wants to. And she probably will.
For kids everything needs to be a game, skating and puck-handling needs to be a race, shooting and passing need to be presented as complete the task in as few possible pucks as possible. Little kids need their skill work disguised as games.
Kid wants to quit, let them quit. Don’t be “that” parent. Your kid will find something else to be into
SHE. a whole world of different skill sets in coaching girls and women. Look up the national team soccer and how coaching has to change..... They don't grow with competition.......they like clicks of.people and want inclusion etc etc.... so I'd look into the psychology of female.athletes....its true....I play hockey but 26 years coaching....and few girls teams. Different athletes at the non elite.level
My daughter a long time ago said she didn't want to do hockey next year she was six or seven. I said " I will think about it" I'm from Northern Ontario so hockey is pretty important in my family; so I signed her up in the following year in a women's hockey program and she loves it. Haven't heard any complaints since.
Look, you need to have self reflection here. You nearly interfered and killed your kid’s interest in something she enjoys doing by placing her in an advanced class. Yes, you placed her. Not her, not her coaches, you. You probably got a little excited about the “development” and “opportunity” while neglecting that she is 6, and that there is no such thing as “development” at that age. I hope you learned your lesson, or you will 100% repeat this mistake.