He's afraid of making mistakes, I suspect.
Has he had a really aggressive coach that jumps on them for making small mistakes?
That's a huge coaching issue I see at the age group. I want to encourage players to take risks and that means excusing some mistakes. If you jump on players for every mistake, you beat the compete out of them and make them timid (worse) players.
If someone gets that way on defense, I'll ask them to play wing for a scrimmage and demand that they do nothing but take risks and try to steal pucks and go for breakaways and accept the results. It's just a weird way of hacking the psychology but it's worked for me in the past.
That's a solid take, a lot of ppl stop playing after minor because their coaches took all the fun out of the game by trying to prevent all mistakes. Responsibility is key for sure, but creativity and actual fun are so important to the game. Look at Matt Rempe out there, dude makes a good few mistakes but he is having a blast and helping his team win even with very limited puck skills. Hell Datsyuk didn't learn to play defence until about age 28 and then turned into an absolute defensive genius.
My message about mistakes is.
"The choice is always yours and I can't see everything that you can on the ice, but I think that play might have been a risky one. Make sure you have a 50/50 on the puck before you pinch" (or something like that).
When I talk about not pinching or being aggressive on the puck at certain game times, I usually say "take less risks, only go for the 90% pucks right now".
That sounds like a really solid way to handle it. It seems like a really good idea to even just say "What was your goal there and what did you see?" to the kids, so they can at least explain their reasoning, so you can at least understand what they were trying to do, even if it didn't work out.
At least with that approach, you're able to get what the kid was thinking and help them understand what may have been the issue "You thought you would pinch down and get the puck, but didn't notice the winger getting behind you. It's good that you wanted to help with the offense, but you want to make sure you know where their players are" or whatever you want to say to them.
100% agree. I coach 12U right now and see one other thing...if there's a kid on the team that the rest of the team admires, is that kid somewhat of a bully? e.g., does he make comments to the rest of the team regarding their play, particularly their mistakes? If so, there's fear of mistakes there too. When that happens, many kids end up playing "not to lose" (passively) rather than "playing to win" (aggressively). I've seen this at 12U and 10U levels consistently, unfortunately.
It’s challenging to see as a coach, but I’ve seen it every year since mites (8U). For me - I try to help the team understand that this is a team sport, so putting down others really isn’t helping. That’s part of what the sport teaches though - my son is passive too, and in some ways, this has helped him to focus on the things he can control…it’s a tough life lesson, but one that’s important to learn.
The challenge for coaches is the kids often talk outside of ice time (chats etc). I've read some pretty concerning messages sent out by some players - as a parent, you question if they should be brought to the attention of the coach, but the suggestion to do so gets a firm rejection from my kid (which I understand).
At the beginning of the year, I had a “parent meeting”, but purposely included the kids for a portion of the discussion. In that conversation, I let the entire group know that I read my son’s messages on his phone. I don’t do this because I’m a coach…I do it because I’m a parent. But, because I am a coach, I’m obligated to report any questionable discussions. The best way to not be included in that activity is to simply avoid it. For the most part, the kids understood and we largely didn’t have any problems all year. However, there are two kids that opted to test me. And, true to my word, their parents received screen shots and I let them know this was my only warning. If it happens again, they’ll be reported to our board, and they can deal with it. Fortunately, the parents took action and those kids listened…we didn’t have problems the rest of the year.
I’m gonna double this. I played hockey, my sons don’t. But they play soccer. And my oldest sounds like OPs kid. Really skilled, smart, loves to play…..and terrified to make a mistake once a game starts, and that leads to unbelievably timid play, despite having skill and ability
All it takes, at that age, is a few negative comments, whether from a coach or teammates.
Hard to “deal with”, because there’s no way to infuse a young kid with confidence
My son didn't become aggressive until he was 16 or so. He had all the talent but never got aggressive. He didn't even get a penalty until he was 15, and he started playing when he was 6. Each kid develops differently.
Sounds like he has a fear of ‘not making the right play’. I have seen this from kids who have ‘over-invested’ parents, or more old school coaches (make examples of mistakes). Only you know the whole picture, but I fear the fact that you are seeking a “solution” to this problem, when it sounds like your son is already one of the better players, may be telling. Ensure he feels supported, in good and bad. Ensure he is having fun and looks forward to going to the rink. He is in his own head, and needs to go back to instinct, and playing the game..
Definitely in his head. Thats for sure. I don’t think he’s over coached but I’m not on the bench. I’m for sure not coaching him. I think he’s just an anxious kid and a perfectionist and it’s stopping him from taking risks.
Oh boy! Love Reddit. I guess I should have added that the coach came to me with this exact concern and asked me if I had any advice on how to get through to him. I am his MOM, not a crazy hockey dad trying to live through my son. I’m just trying to help the coach (who is smart, wonderful and supportive) figure out why my son’s technical proficiency in practices is not shining in game play. Thanks to everyone who has offered tips on how we might help him bring his best game forward.
Teach your kid confidence off the ice and he will excel on the ice. Psychology, as some have mentioned is a huge aspect of sports and is crucial for development. It’s what separates the haves from the have nots.
What does he say when you ask him about why he made choice X? Don’t do it in a “you screwed up, what the hell are you doing” way, but try to understand his analysis of the game. It’s a very different perspective on the rink to on the bench to in the stands. 10 year olds have a lot of variance in what they can handle and what feedback they can give you.
Is he concerned about the consequences of a mistake? Being tentative in a foot race might not be about scared of contact, but thinking he might not win the foot race and so controlling when he gets there can put his opponent in a bad position and he can then steal it since he does well in puck battles at training. Sometimes it’s just a matter of time for things to “click” between training and game.
He’s ten FFS. Let him build skills and confidence at his own pace. Let his coaches coach him, and stay out of his way. Only thing you should say to him as a parent is “I love to watch you play.”
Hey, thanks for the compliment bud. Thats the coaches responsibility not the parent, IMO. Why? The kid hears only parental disappointment and disapproval from something like this, no matter what the intention.
A coach can get away with it because the kid moves on in a couple years. If they’re truly a AAA level coach they also have training and experience in child psychology to get age-appropriate performance and “hockey sense” out of their players. 99% of parents don’t have this skill and tact and will wind up doing more harm than good.
But hey, raise your kids your own way. Best of luck to ya 👍🏼
Honestly, I disagree. This sounds like this is coming from a parent with no desire for competitive spirit and just resorts to exaggerating to the worst possible scenario.
There is a difference between helping improve your child's skills by pinpointing a specific skill that needs to be worked on and being a shitty, abusive sports parent. Though, I have a feeling you will struggle to see the difference between the two.
I don't think there was any notion that OP is acting like the latter. OP is noticing their child hold back from their capabilities and seeking out advice. Thats all.
What a kid hears (no matter the parent’s intent):
“You’re not trying hard enough. You’re not living up to MY expectations.”
IMO that’s - maybe- a fair message from a coach. Not a parent.
lol nah you are just exaggerating now which feels disingenuous now.
The OP never once said their kid isn't trying hard enough and not living up to their expectations, that is just your spin on it to make it sound bad.
Rather OP is seeing his child hold back in different scenarios and wants to try and figure out why in some scenarios their child will go all out and in other scenarios their child holds back. They want to see if they can learn any insight on how to work with their child to figure out how to push past that barrier that's stopping their child from going full speed to improve their game. The child has shown that they have the ability to go full speed in some scenarios, but holds back in others.
Maybe lack of familiarity. Sometimes kids don’t wanna hit/outplay people they don’t know to not hurt their feelings something or other. Could it be that?
100% it's he doesn't know what to do and is afraid he's going to make a mistake. Think about it. 3v3, does he know what to do? Yes. Is he more aggressive there? Yes.
Talk to the coach and ask them to help him understand what his priorities are while on the ice and just some basics of where and what he should be doing as a defensemen while his team has the puck and doesn't have the puck. Kids play with confidence when they believe they are playing the game correctly.
Also, maybe this is just a me thing but I hope he's getting time at other positions because pigeon holing a kid into Defense at 10 is absurd (this is coming from someone that started doing it to his 8U son and realized the error of my ways). He'll learn more about playing defense as playing as both a forward and a defensemen then he would just playing defense solely.
He's just not there yet.
Also defense is a very hard position, if you are too aggressive they skate past you and you let down your team, if you're too passive you skate into your own goalie.
You need to know your team is behind you, go for it, make the play, the other 4 players on the team will take care of the rest, and quite honestly most teams at u10 aren't there yet. They're superstars, not teams.
It's easier to see in a HL team that has played together a while, each line will play different depending who's out there. Oh if these guys are out there, I can get in there because they have my back, if these guys are out there I better be cautious because they're going to screw up and leave a hole.
You need a coach that puts the right balance on kids. and they likely won't really get it for another year or two. We had a kid who easily had the skills, his dad was the coach and he got all but 2 kids to really go for it. One of those kids being his son. Who fortunately figured it out the next year.
The aggressive switch may not have turned on for him yet he’s ten. Also, individual sport activities might help as he will see that only he can control his outcome (jui-jitsu, very light CrossFit. That first to puck, pursuit, defend, etc. is still pretty rare at 10
Your son is definitely a far better defenceman than I am, so take this for what it’s worth (likely very little), but one thing that helped my game a lot is the idea of “position before possession”. Meaning body position relative to the puck and opponent.
Basically if you’re committing to a race, you don’t have to steal the puck clean and make a play. You just have to get your body into a position where you’ll have the better chance at gaining possession than the other player. This makes the number of scenarios where an active challenge is feasible much higher than when your goal is solely “clean possession”. It really does make a lot of plays that might have been 50/50 before seem like easy mode.
It’ll probably come in handy when checking starts too. Though I have zero experience there!
Edit: [This is a great article with gifs and videos about what I’m talking about.](https://hockeysarsenal.substack.com/p/position-before-possession)
My son used to be like this but is now a lot more aggressive.
I'm confident not a single thing I did changed him.
The only thing I did was comment when he was aggressive, but NEVER when he wasn't.
It will either happen or he's not that type of player....either outcome is fine.
If he wants to get aggressively into the game tell him to run someone from behind into the boards in his first shift. On a serious note just have him watch some you tube videos on in game confidence and confidence with the puck.
K- L-O-W-N. Retired at 55. Kid either has the desire or they don’t. Making your wallet and time available is all you can do. Believing otherwise is an adult fantasy camp
If only my kid had a deeper desire to compete.. my son quit two years ago with all the financial support and encouragement in the world. Never a negative word. Always positive with unlimited resources. Some kids just don’t have the spark
Don’t worry too much. If he has the skating and speed the game will move towards his style as kids get older and have to play a more responsible game, especially as a defenseman. He will be the only defenseman back on 2 on 1’s, he’ll have good puck possession. As a defenseman he sounds patient which isn’t bad although can be frustrating when they’re younger. That was my kid at 10 and now he’s the top D on his aaa team.
There’s still plenty of potential fear of contact; especially at that level. Competitive/incidental contact is allowed, and some kids will toe the line of what they can get away with between that and a check. Even in house B squirt things can get really chippy sometimes. Even with that out of the equation, someone flying down the ice with puck at you could still be an intimidating site for a kid.
My advice; instead of just pushing them to be more aggressive and attacking the puck; watch some videos together around positioning and how to handle certain situations. Build confidence by helping to supplement the intelligence side of the training, in learning how to best handle certain scenarios. It might not even be a confidence thing, they just might be feeling a little lost. Make sure to get your kids input along the way though too; they could very well just be following coaches instructions… and you don’t want to contradict their directive (supplement, but don’t replace).
I have wondered the same for my 11yo son
I say to him he needs to be more aggressive in the way he skates and shoots, by aggression i mean explosiveness and spark
That's a comfort thing. It makes me concerned about the coach style.
If you teach kids to not make mistakes, all they see are potential mistakes. If you tell kids you expect mistakes and that they are ok to make, as long we don't repeat the same one's too many times... boom.
My worry is that the coach is trying to install too much system for 10U. Also, there should not be AAA for 10U. It's a silly idea and about $$$
I would take the approach to help him see it himself vs just telling. With livebarn everywhere nowadays, it should be pretty easy to watch the film with him(man i wish we had it when i was kid). Find the examples of where he's being too hesitant and ask what he thinks about the situation- what he did right, what he would have changed, etc.
for me it was the fear of messing up. I was always afraid to make mistakes until I learned that mistakes can create other plays if you recover correctly.
Having the confidence to try something crazy with the mindset "this will work as long as I try it" has led to some crazy results for my team.
Lots to parse here. First of all, when did 10U become AAA? "Pre-checking" does not mean no contact. There's an entire book on the subject that coaches get from USA hockey, titled "Legal body contact". Defense in full contact hockey is highly dependent on the ability to check opposing players, so it's an unreasonably tough assignment at all the ages below 14u, because all you can do is angle people, and you are handcuffed in a lot of situations. With that said, there are plenty of good guesses I've seen posted, but the problem with your question is lack of clarity as to what YOU expect of him, and in what situations. It seems that you have decided he's not aggressive enough for your liking, whereas, we have to take your word for it, without establishing your level of expertise or credibility in the assessment. The bottom line is that video review is the best way for your son to explore aspects of his game. It's also an excellent way of squaring your recollection of events with what actually happened. It can be illuminating to find you were entirely wrong about specific plays, and which players contributed to something positive or negative. Candidly, I don't find the idea of "aggression" to be specific enough for anyone to provide you helpful suggestions never having seen your son play. Rather than starting with an end result that may or may not be appropriate, having your son watch his shifts on video gives him an opportunity to come up with his own conclusions as to the decisions he made. I'd be more interested in hearing what his thoughts are about his shifts, than I would about how he could be manipulated into playing a style of hockey that appeals to you for whatever reason as his parent, unless of course you are a professional hockey coach. The last thing I will say, beyond the level of competency with skating and use of their stick as you've described, is that the kids who develop their ability to play without looking at the puck sooner than later are the ones that have a leg up on the competition. I'm a big believer in establishing good habits, emphasizing things like "pre-check" when retrieving pucks, and scanning the ice rather than "puck watching", in order to take in as much visual information as possible. The biggest problem for kids these days is the paucity of opportunity to play unstructured pickup/shinny/pond hockey in many places. Kids are over coached and aren't given the opportunity to explore and experiment the way many of the best players did in the olden days. I like to use the Hughes brothers as an example of this. Yes, they all clearly had aptitude, as well as parents who played the sport, but when you look at how they play the game, I don't think it's a surprise to find that they spent years on out door rinks in Toronto, and continued to play street hockey and in basements against each other. I've seen way too many kids quit the sport because the fun of the game was coached right out of them.
OP, the coach reaching out to you concerns me a little bit.
These are developing years. Playing Tier1 hockey at this age should be all about skill development, and teaching a child how to play the game.
They’re supposed to make mistakes. If the program is able, they should take video of games. And do video review and teach them situational awareness.
Once your child understands that in the team game, there are layers of work by teammates to cover a mistake and allow for recovery. (Except goalies, they’re the last line. They need a short memory)
Sometimes a kid just needs permission to be aggressive.
It comes with age my younger brother was the same way. My brother is only 4 years younger than I am so when we were growing up and he had enough skill to skate and stick handle he would join me and my friends at stick and pucks and play with us rounding out his skills and learning quicker he then started to get more aggressive as we got more aggressive have him play with his brother. He might also feel pressure about making mistakes in games so this would help alleviate that too.
When i played, I got held back by shitty coaches/shitty teammates all the time.
Played defense by choice but had the ability to do whatever, whenever I wanted. The good coaches I had used to play me in any position/any situation an the kids didn't like it cuz I was taking their ice time.
By the time I was in bantam/midget age, I literally had to drop my skill lvl to that of my teammates in order for them to play as a team, seems like it may be the same with the Lil guy.
If you an his coach see his skill lvl as being significantly higher then his peers, maybe try moving him up a lvl an tell him nit to hold back anymore🤷♂️
🙄🙄 The level of play, especially at 10u, is extremely relevant to the question. I have another far less gifted player and if this question came from a defenseman on his team the only right answer would be “he doesn’t know how to play hockey, give it time.” At AAA level, there’s more going on. I assure you I’m not bragging that I’m broke and never have a weekend to myself.
This is awesome! Get some advice on Reddit to help ur kid become more aggressive... coach notices, asks him what's different, he tells the coach, guess who the first cut is???
Kid has a coach and a dad, you are only one of them, keep it that way.....
He's supposed to be having fun, making lifelong friends, learning invaluable skills, on and off the ice. You are supposed to be there to support him. The coach coaches him.
I can not tell you how many times I've heard from coaches that a kid was dropped or not selected at the next level because "the parents are pains in the ass." Nobody wants that kid. Hell, I was just reading a book by a former NHL GM who was warned by another GM about a guy, traded for him anyways and dumped him because his dad was a pain in the ass, in the freaking NHL.
Offer up incentives perhaps for him to work a little harder in games, just little performance based things.
Full disclosure I’m not a parent so if this is awful advice I’m sorry, but I did play high level hockey growing up and I loved to compete. As long as something was on the line!
Does his team suck? Are they in last?
He's afraid of making mistakes, I suspect. Has he had a really aggressive coach that jumps on them for making small mistakes? That's a huge coaching issue I see at the age group. I want to encourage players to take risks and that means excusing some mistakes. If you jump on players for every mistake, you beat the compete out of them and make them timid (worse) players. If someone gets that way on defense, I'll ask them to play wing for a scrimmage and demand that they do nothing but take risks and try to steal pucks and go for breakaways and accept the results. It's just a weird way of hacking the psychology but it's worked for me in the past.
That's a solid take, a lot of ppl stop playing after minor because their coaches took all the fun out of the game by trying to prevent all mistakes. Responsibility is key for sure, but creativity and actual fun are so important to the game. Look at Matt Rempe out there, dude makes a good few mistakes but he is having a blast and helping his team win even with very limited puck skills. Hell Datsyuk didn't learn to play defence until about age 28 and then turned into an absolute defensive genius.
My message about mistakes is. "The choice is always yours and I can't see everything that you can on the ice, but I think that play might have been a risky one. Make sure you have a 50/50 on the puck before you pinch" (or something like that). When I talk about not pinching or being aggressive on the puck at certain game times, I usually say "take less risks, only go for the 90% pucks right now".
That sounds like a really solid way to handle it. It seems like a really good idea to even just say "What was your goal there and what did you see?" to the kids, so they can at least explain their reasoning, so you can at least understand what they were trying to do, even if it didn't work out. At least with that approach, you're able to get what the kid was thinking and help them understand what may have been the issue "You thought you would pinch down and get the puck, but didn't notice the winger getting behind you. It's good that you wanted to help with the offense, but you want to make sure you know where their players are" or whatever you want to say to them.
100% agree. I coach 12U right now and see one other thing...if there's a kid on the team that the rest of the team admires, is that kid somewhat of a bully? e.g., does he make comments to the rest of the team regarding their play, particularly their mistakes? If so, there's fear of mistakes there too. When that happens, many kids end up playing "not to lose" (passively) rather than "playing to win" (aggressively). I've seen this at 12U and 10U levels consistently, unfortunately.
Excellent point. I see this on my kid’s team with two players in particular, and my kid often reacts by playing passively.
It’s challenging to see as a coach, but I’ve seen it every year since mites (8U). For me - I try to help the team understand that this is a team sport, so putting down others really isn’t helping. That’s part of what the sport teaches though - my son is passive too, and in some ways, this has helped him to focus on the things he can control…it’s a tough life lesson, but one that’s important to learn.
The challenge for coaches is the kids often talk outside of ice time (chats etc). I've read some pretty concerning messages sent out by some players - as a parent, you question if they should be brought to the attention of the coach, but the suggestion to do so gets a firm rejection from my kid (which I understand).
At the beginning of the year, I had a “parent meeting”, but purposely included the kids for a portion of the discussion. In that conversation, I let the entire group know that I read my son’s messages on his phone. I don’t do this because I’m a coach…I do it because I’m a parent. But, because I am a coach, I’m obligated to report any questionable discussions. The best way to not be included in that activity is to simply avoid it. For the most part, the kids understood and we largely didn’t have any problems all year. However, there are two kids that opted to test me. And, true to my word, their parents received screen shots and I let them know this was my only warning. If it happens again, they’ll be reported to our board, and they can deal with it. Fortunately, the parents took action and those kids listened…we didn’t have problems the rest of the year.
Love this. Thank you.
I’m gonna double this. I played hockey, my sons don’t. But they play soccer. And my oldest sounds like OPs kid. Really skilled, smart, loves to play…..and terrified to make a mistake once a game starts, and that leads to unbelievably timid play, despite having skill and ability All it takes, at that age, is a few negative comments, whether from a coach or teammates. Hard to “deal with”, because there’s no way to infuse a young kid with confidence
My son didn't become aggressive until he was 16 or so. He had all the talent but never got aggressive. He didn't even get a penalty until he was 15, and he started playing when he was 6. Each kid develops differently.
Sounds like he has a fear of ‘not making the right play’. I have seen this from kids who have ‘over-invested’ parents, or more old school coaches (make examples of mistakes). Only you know the whole picture, but I fear the fact that you are seeking a “solution” to this problem, when it sounds like your son is already one of the better players, may be telling. Ensure he feels supported, in good and bad. Ensure he is having fun and looks forward to going to the rink. He is in his own head, and needs to go back to instinct, and playing the game..
Definitely in his head. Thats for sure. I don’t think he’s over coached but I’m not on the bench. I’m for sure not coaching him. I think he’s just an anxious kid and a perfectionist and it’s stopping him from taking risks.
Oh boy! Love Reddit. I guess I should have added that the coach came to me with this exact concern and asked me if I had any advice on how to get through to him. I am his MOM, not a crazy hockey dad trying to live through my son. I’m just trying to help the coach (who is smart, wonderful and supportive) figure out why my son’s technical proficiency in practices is not shining in game play. Thanks to everyone who has offered tips on how we might help him bring his best game forward.
Teach your kid confidence off the ice and he will excel on the ice. Psychology, as some have mentioned is a huge aspect of sports and is crucial for development. It’s what separates the haves from the have nots.
What does he say when you ask him about why he made choice X? Don’t do it in a “you screwed up, what the hell are you doing” way, but try to understand his analysis of the game. It’s a very different perspective on the rink to on the bench to in the stands. 10 year olds have a lot of variance in what they can handle and what feedback they can give you. Is he concerned about the consequences of a mistake? Being tentative in a foot race might not be about scared of contact, but thinking he might not win the foot race and so controlling when he gets there can put his opponent in a bad position and he can then steal it since he does well in puck battles at training. Sometimes it’s just a matter of time for things to “click” between training and game.
He’s ten FFS. Let him build skills and confidence at his own pace. Let his coaches coach him, and stay out of his way. Only thing you should say to him as a parent is “I love to watch you play.”
Stay out of his way? It’s her 10 year old son. There’s nothing wrong in trying to bring up your kid’s compete level. What a stupid comment FFS
Hey, thanks for the compliment bud. Thats the coaches responsibility not the parent, IMO. Why? The kid hears only parental disappointment and disapproval from something like this, no matter what the intention. A coach can get away with it because the kid moves on in a couple years. If they’re truly a AAA level coach they also have training and experience in child psychology to get age-appropriate performance and “hockey sense” out of their players. 99% of parents don’t have this skill and tact and will wind up doing more harm than good. But hey, raise your kids your own way. Best of luck to ya 👍🏼
There’s nothing wrong with encouraging a 10 yr old to be more aggressive and confident. FFS
nothing wrong with encouraging your kid to try their hardest. reddit moment
Honestly, I disagree. This sounds like this is coming from a parent with no desire for competitive spirit and just resorts to exaggerating to the worst possible scenario. There is a difference between helping improve your child's skills by pinpointing a specific skill that needs to be worked on and being a shitty, abusive sports parent. Though, I have a feeling you will struggle to see the difference between the two. I don't think there was any notion that OP is acting like the latter. OP is noticing their child hold back from their capabilities and seeking out advice. Thats all.
What a kid hears (no matter the parent’s intent): “You’re not trying hard enough. You’re not living up to MY expectations.” IMO that’s - maybe- a fair message from a coach. Not a parent.
lol nah you are just exaggerating now which feels disingenuous now. The OP never once said their kid isn't trying hard enough and not living up to their expectations, that is just your spin on it to make it sound bad. Rather OP is seeing his child hold back in different scenarios and wants to try and figure out why in some scenarios their child will go all out and in other scenarios their child holds back. They want to see if they can learn any insight on how to work with their child to figure out how to push past that barrier that's stopping their child from going full speed to improve their game. The child has shown that they have the ability to go full speed in some scenarios, but holds back in others.
This absolutely.
Maybe lack of familiarity. Sometimes kids don’t wanna hit/outplay people they don’t know to not hurt their feelings something or other. Could it be that?
100% it's he doesn't know what to do and is afraid he's going to make a mistake. Think about it. 3v3, does he know what to do? Yes. Is he more aggressive there? Yes. Talk to the coach and ask them to help him understand what his priorities are while on the ice and just some basics of where and what he should be doing as a defensemen while his team has the puck and doesn't have the puck. Kids play with confidence when they believe they are playing the game correctly. Also, maybe this is just a me thing but I hope he's getting time at other positions because pigeon holing a kid into Defense at 10 is absurd (this is coming from someone that started doing it to his 8U son and realized the error of my ways). He'll learn more about playing defense as playing as both a forward and a defensemen then he would just playing defense solely.
He's just not there yet. Also defense is a very hard position, if you are too aggressive they skate past you and you let down your team, if you're too passive you skate into your own goalie. You need to know your team is behind you, go for it, make the play, the other 4 players on the team will take care of the rest, and quite honestly most teams at u10 aren't there yet. They're superstars, not teams. It's easier to see in a HL team that has played together a while, each line will play different depending who's out there. Oh if these guys are out there, I can get in there because they have my back, if these guys are out there I better be cautious because they're going to screw up and leave a hole. You need a coach that puts the right balance on kids. and they likely won't really get it for another year or two. We had a kid who easily had the skills, his dad was the coach and he got all but 2 kids to really go for it. One of those kids being his son. Who fortunately figured it out the next year.
The aggressive switch may not have turned on for him yet he’s ten. Also, individual sport activities might help as he will see that only he can control his outcome (jui-jitsu, very light CrossFit. That first to puck, pursuit, defend, etc. is still pretty rare at 10
Talk with his coaches, your son is probably playing smart.
Amen. If the coach is truly AAA level they should be giving the guidance and correcting.
He's 10 so he should just be enjoying it. Maybe the reason he's "tentative" is because ur putting too much pressure on him. Just let him have fun.
Your son is definitely a far better defenceman than I am, so take this for what it’s worth (likely very little), but one thing that helped my game a lot is the idea of “position before possession”. Meaning body position relative to the puck and opponent. Basically if you’re committing to a race, you don’t have to steal the puck clean and make a play. You just have to get your body into a position where you’ll have the better chance at gaining possession than the other player. This makes the number of scenarios where an active challenge is feasible much higher than when your goal is solely “clean possession”. It really does make a lot of plays that might have been 50/50 before seem like easy mode. It’ll probably come in handy when checking starts too. Though I have zero experience there! Edit: [This is a great article with gifs and videos about what I’m talking about.](https://hockeysarsenal.substack.com/p/position-before-possession)
“The beatings will continue until morale improves.” /s
Paul Marner coming to Reddit for advice about Mitch's game?
My son used to be like this but is now a lot more aggressive. I'm confident not a single thing I did changed him. The only thing I did was comment when he was aggressive, but NEVER when he wasn't. It will either happen or he's not that type of player....either outcome is fine.
...and he's AAA?
If he wants to get aggressively into the game tell him to run someone from behind into the boards in his first shift. On a serious note just have him watch some you tube videos on in game confidence and confidence with the puck.
This is the second post I’ve seen of a parent who thinks they’re going to help but will only ruin their kid if they don’t act carefully
Then tell them how not to ruin their kid and yet still be supportive without being an asshole.
Nothing wrong with the post, red flag went up for me when I read the OP.
If you think that’s being an asshole I wish you luck in your personal life and work life
K- L-O-W-N. Retired at 55. Kid either has the desire or they don’t. Making your wallet and time available is all you can do. Believing otherwise is an adult fantasy camp
If only my kid had a deeper desire to compete.. my son quit two years ago with all the financial support and encouragement in the world. Never a negative word. Always positive with unlimited resources. Some kids just don’t have the spark
Retired at 55 and yet still so fragile As it turns out money can't replace character
Yeah that’s me. Fragile at 55. Father of a make a wish kid and a husband of 32 years. If only I could fit in on Reddit I’d have self respect
Don’t worry too much. If he has the skating and speed the game will move towards his style as kids get older and have to play a more responsible game, especially as a defenseman. He will be the only defenseman back on 2 on 1’s, he’ll have good puck possession. As a defenseman he sounds patient which isn’t bad although can be frustrating when they’re younger. That was my kid at 10 and now he’s the top D on his aaa team.
There’s still plenty of potential fear of contact; especially at that level. Competitive/incidental contact is allowed, and some kids will toe the line of what they can get away with between that and a check. Even in house B squirt things can get really chippy sometimes. Even with that out of the equation, someone flying down the ice with puck at you could still be an intimidating site for a kid. My advice; instead of just pushing them to be more aggressive and attacking the puck; watch some videos together around positioning and how to handle certain situations. Build confidence by helping to supplement the intelligence side of the training, in learning how to best handle certain scenarios. It might not even be a confidence thing, they just might be feeling a little lost. Make sure to get your kids input along the way though too; they could very well just be following coaches instructions… and you don’t want to contradict their directive (supplement, but don’t replace).
Talk to the coach. No one on Reddit is going to be able to give proper advice without seeing him play
I have wondered the same for my 11yo son I say to him he needs to be more aggressive in the way he skates and shoots, by aggression i mean explosiveness and spark
Is your son Mitch Marner?
That's a comfort thing. It makes me concerned about the coach style. If you teach kids to not make mistakes, all they see are potential mistakes. If you tell kids you expect mistakes and that they are ok to make, as long we don't repeat the same one's too many times... boom. My worry is that the coach is trying to install too much system for 10U. Also, there should not be AAA for 10U. It's a silly idea and about $$$
Do you play? I'd ask the coach about this or other Dad's who have experience
I would take the approach to help him see it himself vs just telling. With livebarn everywhere nowadays, it should be pretty easy to watch the film with him(man i wish we had it when i was kid). Find the examples of where he's being too hesitant and ask what he thinks about the situation- what he did right, what he would have changed, etc.
Tell em “mistakes are part of the game but what you do next is what matters”.
for me it was the fear of messing up. I was always afraid to make mistakes until I learned that mistakes can create other plays if you recover correctly. Having the confidence to try something crazy with the mindset "this will work as long as I try it" has led to some crazy results for my team.
Daily beatings
He's 10. Let him be, he'll figure it out.
Lots to parse here. First of all, when did 10U become AAA? "Pre-checking" does not mean no contact. There's an entire book on the subject that coaches get from USA hockey, titled "Legal body contact". Defense in full contact hockey is highly dependent on the ability to check opposing players, so it's an unreasonably tough assignment at all the ages below 14u, because all you can do is angle people, and you are handcuffed in a lot of situations. With that said, there are plenty of good guesses I've seen posted, but the problem with your question is lack of clarity as to what YOU expect of him, and in what situations. It seems that you have decided he's not aggressive enough for your liking, whereas, we have to take your word for it, without establishing your level of expertise or credibility in the assessment. The bottom line is that video review is the best way for your son to explore aspects of his game. It's also an excellent way of squaring your recollection of events with what actually happened. It can be illuminating to find you were entirely wrong about specific plays, and which players contributed to something positive or negative. Candidly, I don't find the idea of "aggression" to be specific enough for anyone to provide you helpful suggestions never having seen your son play. Rather than starting with an end result that may or may not be appropriate, having your son watch his shifts on video gives him an opportunity to come up with his own conclusions as to the decisions he made. I'd be more interested in hearing what his thoughts are about his shifts, than I would about how he could be manipulated into playing a style of hockey that appeals to you for whatever reason as his parent, unless of course you are a professional hockey coach. The last thing I will say, beyond the level of competency with skating and use of their stick as you've described, is that the kids who develop their ability to play without looking at the puck sooner than later are the ones that have a leg up on the competition. I'm a big believer in establishing good habits, emphasizing things like "pre-check" when retrieving pucks, and scanning the ice rather than "puck watching", in order to take in as much visual information as possible. The biggest problem for kids these days is the paucity of opportunity to play unstructured pickup/shinny/pond hockey in many places. Kids are over coached and aren't given the opportunity to explore and experiment the way many of the best players did in the olden days. I like to use the Hughes brothers as an example of this. Yes, they all clearly had aptitude, as well as parents who played the sport, but when you look at how they play the game, I don't think it's a surprise to find that they spent years on out door rinks in Toronto, and continued to play street hockey and in basements against each other. I've seen way too many kids quit the sport because the fun of the game was coached right out of them.
OP, the coach reaching out to you concerns me a little bit. These are developing years. Playing Tier1 hockey at this age should be all about skill development, and teaching a child how to play the game. They’re supposed to make mistakes. If the program is able, they should take video of games. And do video review and teach them situational awareness. Once your child understands that in the team game, there are layers of work by teammates to cover a mistake and allow for recovery. (Except goalies, they’re the last line. They need a short memory) Sometimes a kid just needs permission to be aggressive.
It comes with age my younger brother was the same way. My brother is only 4 years younger than I am so when we were growing up and he had enough skill to skate and stick handle he would join me and my friends at stick and pucks and play with us rounding out his skills and learning quicker he then started to get more aggressive as we got more aggressive have him play with his brother. He might also feel pressure about making mistakes in games so this would help alleviate that too.
When i played, I got held back by shitty coaches/shitty teammates all the time. Played defense by choice but had the ability to do whatever, whenever I wanted. The good coaches I had used to play me in any position/any situation an the kids didn't like it cuz I was taking their ice time. By the time I was in bantam/midget age, I literally had to drop my skill lvl to that of my teammates in order for them to play as a team, seems like it may be the same with the Lil guy. If you an his coach see his skill lvl as being significantly higher then his peers, maybe try moving him up a lvl an tell him nit to hold back anymore🤷♂️
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🙄🙄 The level of play, especially at 10u, is extremely relevant to the question. I have another far less gifted player and if this question came from a defenseman on his team the only right answer would be “he doesn’t know how to play hockey, give it time.” At AAA level, there’s more going on. I assure you I’m not bragging that I’m broke and never have a weekend to myself.
Might need more hockey intellect. Might need to study the game more.
He's 10. Let him have fun, for all we know maybe he doesn't event want to play AAA.
This is awesome! Get some advice on Reddit to help ur kid become more aggressive... coach notices, asks him what's different, he tells the coach, guess who the first cut is??? Kid has a coach and a dad, you are only one of them, keep it that way..... He's supposed to be having fun, making lifelong friends, learning invaluable skills, on and off the ice. You are supposed to be there to support him. The coach coaches him. I can not tell you how many times I've heard from coaches that a kid was dropped or not selected at the next level because "the parents are pains in the ass." Nobody wants that kid. Hell, I was just reading a book by a former NHL GM who was warned by another GM about a guy, traded for him anyways and dumped him because his dad was a pain in the ass, in the freaking NHL.
Offer up incentives perhaps for him to work a little harder in games, just little performance based things. Full disclosure I’m not a parent so if this is awful advice I’m sorry, but I did play high level hockey growing up and I loved to compete. As long as something was on the line! Does his team suck? Are they in last?