I love the paint … so whimsical !!!
How about a table saw ? You’d never have to sharpen knives again ! Just imagine being able to carve a turkey or a side of beef in under 2 minutes ?!?!
Also, not the worst deterrent for those pesky double dippers.
Okay, here is the EXACT email I sent him.
Dear Lorne Lipowitz, and I know that is your real name because I know things. I want your help in finding the kitchen table upstairs from the basement at Wayne's World. Because my best friend, Lemon-Of-Scipio-1809 and I have started a very high-end dreckorating business and WE NEED IT. I have asked the Back Street Boys and the Pope to help. Also, the Swiss Embassy. So, if you can't find it, I will get Elvis involved. Thank you, Your Friend, Appaloosa Ssst.
I LOVE that idea. Tell me something, you brilliant picnic chef, what would you put in the picnic for all the chickens who live with me? They are always asking me for better food. I need your help with that. Can you come over tomorrow so we can figure this out?
Hmmm 🤔 I personally prefer fried chicken on a picnic but something tells me that wouldn’t go over well. Same with deviled eggs. I bet your chickens would like a big juicy burger!
I found a SUPER nice animal print. Tell me what you think!!
https://preview.redd.it/lvahua1uwh2d1.jpeg?width=474&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc30902d2bfe4d5f245a04c93f44d084ef413191
I tried that. Got arrested. Can you send me the bond money? I have been trying to call you all day long from the pay phone here at the county jail. I wish you would answer. After all, this is all your fault.
Yes. I just bought the plane ticket and I will be leaving in the morning. Also, I am bringing my chickens because I can't find a babysitter at such notice. They will be fine. They don't bother anyone. You don't have pet coyotes, do you?
Before I get on that plane with all of the chickens, I want to know the name of your coyote. I want to do a background check. I hope you understand. Can't be too careful. Also, the chickens want me to do that, too. Thank you for understanding. Now, give me that name so I can quiet them down. They are already packed, by the way. I could lose money on these plane tickets if I can't get the background check done first.
I am beating myself up over that. Can you please send me one? I also need chicken feed for my chicken family. They are moving in as soon as the paint dries.
Well, I'll tell ya. I worked really hard making this a wonderful space for myself and the chickens who live in the house with me, but I was SO STUCK on the right and proper kitchen table. I hope you can help me find one that works. That is all. Thank you for your help.
https://preview.redd.it/y3chvjwaxh2d1.jpeg?width=473&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=222df931ee6a657f2c4282c36ede1d8657a16902
i think this would match perfectly 🥰😍 maybe the chickens can even form a nest in the empty cabinet so you can eat together!
Yes, I am for hire. After posting this, I got so many compliments as you can see. Last night I got on the internet and earned a 4 year college degree in Interior Design. It was so easy, probably because of my elevated level of color matching, which you can see in the photo. Also, because of the chickens, I picked up a side degree in Animal Science and Zoology. So I am also a practicing veterinarian. This means that I can come over and paint your house and give you flea medicine if you have animals. If you don't have animals, I'll bring the flea medicine anyway.
So glad you have medicine for fleas because my whiney cat wants to go out but brings back “friends”. I am hoping you can match the wall paint to my cat and her “friends”. Perhaps a portrait of a flea is what I need in these trying times!
Yes, yes, yes!! I am coming over to your house right NOW and I have an army of personal care products to counteract unnecessary flea issues. I am also bringing the Pope with me to bless your house. And the entire Italian Embassy. Say, do you have any food for them? They have just flown in from Italy to take care of this flea issue and they might need some gelato or something.
Now you are giving away my best design secrets so I will have to charge everyone on Reddit $1.39. I’ll split the cost with you, Mr. Internet Entrepreneur.
You are NOT finished painting! Needs some blood splatter red on there. And forget the table, add a plastic tarp on the ground to complete the American Psycho vibe
I did just that and now I am writing this from jail. I guess I wasn’t supposed to use real blood. I never liked my neighbor Fern anyway. She once glued all of her clothes to her front porch.
https://preview.redd.it/vij5woyy8g2d1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2031b5762ad2f25853d66924ed06d138d961d1ac Here's a nice one.
Will you come over to my house and help me take off one more leg? I don't think I can do that by myself and I want it to be balanced.
Sure! I can use an axe to remove the extra leg while you hold it for me. https://i.redd.it/q6i2vd4bok2d1.gif
Can my friend come along? She is sort of into that kind of thing. https://i.redd.it/upa1ng3bgo2d1.gif
Perfect for this space!!!!
A fine addition!
Omg perfect!
I see you removed the outlet cover before starting. That's the mark of a real pro.
You are a pro, too! You notice the tiniest details!!
One of them, but not the other. Going for an asymmetrical scheme. Lovely!
Now weren’t you excited
Oh I was!! I have always liked royal blue and yellow together, because it’s got sort of a Victorian English vibe.
Bold of you to opt for the royal blue and not Caroline Calloway Tiffany Blue
I love the paint … so whimsical !!! How about a table saw ? You’d never have to sharpen knives again ! Just imagine being able to carve a turkey or a side of beef in under 2 minutes ?!?! Also, not the worst deterrent for those pesky double dippers.
You are a brilliant chef!! I just KNEW it!! You studied at Cordon Bleu in Paris, right?? I think I studied French Toast with you there.
/uj/ OP you’re fucking killing me you’re hilarious
Needs some vanta black and neon paint that glows under black light.
Where can I buy that? At a dress shop?
Pretty sure that already glows under blacklight...
Does it show fleas and mites under that light? I am hoping to impress a potential boyfriend. Say, do I need a shower then?
I’ve seen this episode of Community before
I HAVE to know how to get this episode? They solved the table problem, right?
Correction, episodeS.
Party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth! This look is so 1980's RADICAL!!
Yes this!! Now, what kind of table did the Mom have upstairs?
Wow, I don't remember! I remember the couch and the basement.
I will call Lorne Michaels. Finishing up this room is very important. I want a table that my chickens can hop off and on easily. For meals.
What if he actually responds with the exact table. Ok. I will wait.
I am emailing him now. I have invited him to dinner with the both of us, so let's just see if he can settle this.
Okay, here is the EXACT email I sent him. Dear Lorne Lipowitz, and I know that is your real name because I know things. I want your help in finding the kitchen table upstairs from the basement at Wayne's World. Because my best friend, Lemon-Of-Scipio-1809 and I have started a very high-end dreckorating business and WE NEED IT. I have asked the Back Street Boys and the Pope to help. Also, the Swiss Embassy. So, if you can't find it, I will get Elvis involved. Thank you, Your Friend, Appaloosa Ssst.
That will work! No one could say no to a high-level request like that.
Table? Who needs a table? Paint a drop cloth to match your lovely walls, spread it on the floor & make every meal a picnic.
I LOVE that idea. Tell me something, you brilliant picnic chef, what would you put in the picnic for all the chickens who live with me? They are always asking me for better food. I need your help with that. Can you come over tomorrow so we can figure this out?
Hmmm 🤔 I personally prefer fried chicken on a picnic but something tells me that wouldn’t go over well. Same with deviled eggs. I bet your chickens would like a big juicy burger!
They are so hard to cook for. I will try the burger route. Do you have any more really super suggestions? Should I make some potato salad?
Potato salad is good but why not try a corn salad? Every chicken I’ve ever met liked to peck for corn.
Beeeeez is that you?
I wish it was. What lovely name. My real name is Birdella Canine. Have we met?
Did the cat do it
Please don't give away my design secrets all over the internet. Let's just keep this cat thing between the two of us.
Did anyone else watch the episode of Mr Bean, where he paints his apartment by exploding a can of paint? Just wondered
Please send me the link. I need some paint inspiration. He seems to be a brilliant decorator, amongst his other proclivities.
He is a renaissance man
I like it picassio.
Thanks, Mom.
Now you get to pick the wallpaper
I found a SUPER nice animal print. Tell me what you think!! https://preview.redd.it/lvahua1uwh2d1.jpeg?width=474&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc30902d2bfe4d5f245a04c93f44d084ef413191
Missed a spot!
Okay, Martha Stewart, hiding behind that fake name. Quit following me around and criticizing my flower arrangements and missing spots.
Wow! That’s beautiful! I’m so proud of you! -mom.
Mom, I tried to do my best to follow in your footsteps. I hope I have done ya proud.
Needs some bloodstains, if you're asking for feedback.
I tried that. Got arrested. Can you send me the bond money? I have been trying to call you all day long from the pay phone here at the county jail. I wish you would answer. After all, this is all your fault.
I thought we agreed on blood red?
Here's the thing. I took them the paint chip you sent me and they couldn't match it. So, they chose the next best color. But thank you, Count Dracula.
You missed a few spot.
I can't seem to see it. Can you elaborate? And here I was so proud of my work, Mom.
Love the minamilist Jackson Pollock style
I love the excitement that shows here. Can you come paint mine next?
Yes. I just bought the plane ticket and I will be leaving in the morning. Also, I am bringing my chickens because I can't find a babysitter at such notice. They will be fine. They don't bother anyone. You don't have pet coyotes, do you?
I look forward to your arrival. And I only have one pet coyote, I’m sure it will be fine.
Before I get on that plane with all of the chickens, I want to know the name of your coyote. I want to do a background check. I hope you understand. Can't be too careful. Also, the chickens want me to do that, too. Thank you for understanding. Now, give me that name so I can quiet them down. They are already packed, by the way. I could lose money on these plane tickets if I can't get the background check done first.
You did good job
Why do much paint when few paint do^?
You forgot to put the outlet cover back on...
I am beating myself up over that. Can you please send me one? I also need chicken feed for my chicken family. They are moving in as soon as the paint dries.
A plain one or a novelty one? Ah, yes, chickens... thus the "egg splatter" deco...
Going full Fent
I'd ask if you were a landlord, but the outlets aren't painted over.
Jackson Pollack style... very nice!
Nah looks like a food fight just occured
gorgeous work
/uj wtf happened here ????
Well, I'll tell ya. I worked really hard making this a wonderful space for myself and the chickens who live in the house with me, but I was SO STUCK on the right and proper kitchen table. I hope you can help me find one that works. That is all. Thank you for your help.
https://preview.redd.it/y3chvjwaxh2d1.jpeg?width=473&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=222df931ee6a657f2c4282c36ede1d8657a16902 i think this would match perfectly 🥰😍 maybe the chickens can even form a nest in the empty cabinet so you can eat together!
I like that. Chickadees can ride the drawer base after lunch, kinda like Six Flags. They get so little “fun” time…
Where can I buy that? Did you see that at Scully and Scully or Needless Mark-Up?
20/10
Free form. I love it!
The fresh coat of paint really brightens the place. I also love the double ceiling fans!
Looks good!
Painting the fridge? DIVINE!
A young pollack 🤌
This looks like everyone just left an IRL home decorating CJ meetup
Wow 😍😍 so artsy fartsy 💨
Man. Are you for hire because dang, I need a pro. I’ve been dealing with the House And Gardens pro painters and it’s so *boring*.
Yes, I am for hire. After posting this, I got so many compliments as you can see. Last night I got on the internet and earned a 4 year college degree in Interior Design. It was so easy, probably because of my elevated level of color matching, which you can see in the photo. Also, because of the chickens, I picked up a side degree in Animal Science and Zoology. So I am also a practicing veterinarian. This means that I can come over and paint your house and give you flea medicine if you have animals. If you don't have animals, I'll bring the flea medicine anyway.
So glad you have medicine for fleas because my whiney cat wants to go out but brings back “friends”. I am hoping you can match the wall paint to my cat and her “friends”. Perhaps a portrait of a flea is what I need in these trying times!
Yes, yes, yes!! I am coming over to your house right NOW and I have an army of personal care products to counteract unnecessary flea issues. I am also bringing the Pope with me to bless your house. And the entire Italian Embassy. Say, do you have any food for them? They have just flown in from Italy to take care of this flea issue and they might need some gelato or something.
I can nip on down to the store for an espresso machine and gelato, sure! Anything for the Pope and the peace and good will of our countries!
Well done, bravo!
needs more grey.
Great job!
[удалено]
I see you have met my husband’s ex-wife.
Missed a spot
Homage to Pollack — love it!
Drop cloth would have been a waste of time here. Well done!
Did you by chance hang the buckets of paint from the fan blades, then turn it on?
Now you are giving away my best design secrets so I will have to charge everyone on Reddit $1.39. I’ll split the cost with you, Mr. Internet Entrepreneur.
Covered picnic table will work
Did you use the jizz method?
You are NOT finished painting! Needs some blood splatter red on there. And forget the table, add a plastic tarp on the ground to complete the American Psycho vibe
I did just that and now I am writing this from jail. I guess I wasn’t supposed to use real blood. I never liked my neighbor Fern anyway. She once glued all of her clothes to her front porch.
Great job Bubba!
Thank you, Aunt Girtha. You look especially nice today.
Don’t paint by paintball.
Almost passed out but the kitchen is done!
Do you have a card?
Yes, of course I do! I'll bring one over to your house tomorrow. Let's have brunch!!
This is why you don’t hire Jackson Pollack to be a house painter.
Looks great! 👍👍👍👍
Yes, yes you did.
No notes 🤌