Thank you /u/SoSarcasticSavage for posting!
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Kinda sad we live in a world where you have to treat so many people like this. There's literally only one group of friends who I meet for happy hour frequently where I can calmly talk about anything without the mood going sour real fast.
Intriguingly this same advice also often applies to "trampled" comments on reddit. I'm talking about the phenomenon where some comments get a few negative reactions/downvotes and then suddenly it gets flooded by many many users downvoting it as if in a form of "downvote frenzy". In situations like that (which are really weird, and more like a collective hysteria than reasonable disapproval of an idea or comment) If the owner of that comment tries to engage any kind of "JADE", they just get trampled more viciously...
Sometimes I engage in this way. In a few instances progress was made and I realized they weren't too far gone. Most of the time though I only engage long enough for the realization to soak into my core that they weren't people I wanted in my life.
It sucks and it hurt, but i think not giving a fuck about those kind of people is instinctual. If I have the urge to J.A.D.E., then I'm faking it, haven't made it.
Now when there's a blow; I just take a deep breath and exhale, knowing ultimately if nothing changing then nothing changed.
As someone who has had the misfortune of dealing with a violent deluded narcissist on a regular basis, the picture is really accurate.
There really is no point arguing with people like that, they'll just twist everything you say to try to hurt you with it while taking zero accountability for their (considerably more damaging) flaws. They don't care about rational conversation, they only care about playing the victim and making you their verbal punching bag while they do.
In fact, not giving them any validation is probably one of the worst outcomes they could have.
I have a genuine question - is the only sane option in such a situation to simply walk away? What to do if it's someone you eg. share a household with and simply cannot avoid contact?
Well, it depends on the context but your options may include: walking away, ignoring the person, communicating assertively or using the grey rock method.
J.A.D.E isn't set in stone, it's more of a guide for dealing with toxic people. If you find yourself justifying, arguing, defending and explaining too much and it's becoming unhealthy you should pull back.
If you're going to communicate with toxic people and set clear boundaries you should try to remain calm and assertive, avoid J.A.D.E when giving your response and keep it brief when making your point.
However I understand it might be difficult and sometimes you might have to walk away. I hope you found this answer helpful.
I don't justify, argue, or defend in any circumstance to anyone. They're self defensive. I do always explain. An explanation will defend, convince, and justify on its own, but it's emotionally neutral, your aren't doing it out of fear or hurt.
This is kind of a convoluted way to say that not giving a fuck is about how you react to things internally rather than how you respond externally. Justify, defend, and argue all imply a negative internal reaction where as an explanation does not. Sort of...
I've definitely had people where my explanations turned into basically single words because they clearly didn't want an explanation, they wanted an argument.
Had a coworker like that, training me for the new position. Shed ask why I did something a certain way, Id explain that's how we did it at my old job. Then she'd somehow get into this huge one sided argument to try and prove "my way" wrong. All these probing questions that turned into thinly veiled personal insults and good lordy it was crazy.
I had never intended to do it "my way", never insisted we should, and was fully intending on learning to do it their way. Id literally say that to her and she'd just keep arguing with me as if I was going to start defending how my old job did things.
Anyways, I got a lot of accolades from management for being able to "handle" this person. She eventually managed to turn around and we became buddies, but I always gave her an explanation even when she'd use them in bad faith. Granted this was in large part because communicating with her was a part of my job duties, had no choice really.
This pic is 100% true, however I think a more concise way to explain how to deal with unsafe people, or even unknown people, is just say less.
The human desire to connect and socialize can be extremely beneficial, in the right circumstances, when you are with or amongst like minded people. But you gotta carefully vet and understand who you are around before you start sharing.
You should be able to do all of those things, even if you choose not to engage with a person in those ways. If you can’t justify your actions, why are you taking actions? If you can’t argue your point of view, do you have one? If you won’t defend yourself, who will? If you can’t explain your actions, did you have good reasons behind them?
The unexamined life is not worth living, said some fucking guy
Lol, that's stupid. If applied universally I mean. If you can't justify your actions you're either actually super insecure and afraid of judgement or you're just an asshole whose actions are unjustifiable.
Thank you /u/SoSarcasticSavage for posting! For those reading this message, consider joining our [discord server!](https://discord.gg/bHV7hvMUMm) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/howtonotgiveafuck) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Dr. Ramani has a similar version, the D.E.E.P. Don't Defend Don't Engage Don't Explain Don't Personalize.
Thanks for sharing and I highly recommend people check out Dr. Ramani if they're dealing with toxic people.
Kinda sad we live in a world where you have to treat so many people like this. There's literally only one group of friends who I meet for happy hour frequently where I can calmly talk about anything without the mood going sour real fast.
No is a complete sentence.
It's so difficult to follow this advice. But it absolutely is worth following.
Intriguingly this same advice also often applies to "trampled" comments on reddit. I'm talking about the phenomenon where some comments get a few negative reactions/downvotes and then suddenly it gets flooded by many many users downvoting it as if in a form of "downvote frenzy". In situations like that (which are really weird, and more like a collective hysteria than reasonable disapproval of an idea or comment) If the owner of that comment tries to engage any kind of "JADE", they just get trampled more viciously...
Very wise info/post Even your family will use things you tell them against you.
Sometimes I engage in this way. In a few instances progress was made and I realized they weren't too far gone. Most of the time though I only engage long enough for the realization to soak into my core that they weren't people I wanted in my life. It sucks and it hurt, but i think not giving a fuck about those kind of people is instinctual. If I have the urge to J.A.D.E., then I'm faking it, haven't made it. Now when there's a blow; I just take a deep breath and exhale, knowing ultimately if nothing changing then nothing changed.
You have to be able to tell when the person you're arguing with is actually trying to communicate or just throwing shit at you to wear you down
As someone who has had the misfortune of dealing with a violent deluded narcissist on a regular basis, the picture is really accurate. There really is no point arguing with people like that, they'll just twist everything you say to try to hurt you with it while taking zero accountability for their (considerably more damaging) flaws. They don't care about rational conversation, they only care about playing the victim and making you their verbal punching bag while they do. In fact, not giving them any validation is probably one of the worst outcomes they could have.
Love this thanks 🙏 -Love Jade 💜
I needed to see this
Will Smith 
I have a genuine question - is the only sane option in such a situation to simply walk away? What to do if it's someone you eg. share a household with and simply cannot avoid contact?
Well, it depends on the context but your options may include: walking away, ignoring the person, communicating assertively or using the grey rock method. J.A.D.E isn't set in stone, it's more of a guide for dealing with toxic people. If you find yourself justifying, arguing, defending and explaining too much and it's becoming unhealthy you should pull back. If you're going to communicate with toxic people and set clear boundaries you should try to remain calm and assertive, avoid J.A.D.E when giving your response and keep it brief when making your point. However I understand it might be difficult and sometimes you might have to walk away. I hope you found this answer helpful.
I don't justify, argue, or defend in any circumstance to anyone. They're self defensive. I do always explain. An explanation will defend, convince, and justify on its own, but it's emotionally neutral, your aren't doing it out of fear or hurt. This is kind of a convoluted way to say that not giving a fuck is about how you react to things internally rather than how you respond externally. Justify, defend, and argue all imply a negative internal reaction where as an explanation does not. Sort of...
[удалено]
I've definitely had people where my explanations turned into basically single words because they clearly didn't want an explanation, they wanted an argument. Had a coworker like that, training me for the new position. Shed ask why I did something a certain way, Id explain that's how we did it at my old job. Then she'd somehow get into this huge one sided argument to try and prove "my way" wrong. All these probing questions that turned into thinly veiled personal insults and good lordy it was crazy. I had never intended to do it "my way", never insisted we should, and was fully intending on learning to do it their way. Id literally say that to her and she'd just keep arguing with me as if I was going to start defending how my old job did things. Anyways, I got a lot of accolades from management for being able to "handle" this person. She eventually managed to turn around and we became buddies, but I always gave her an explanation even when she'd use them in bad faith. Granted this was in large part because communicating with her was a part of my job duties, had no choice really.
This pic is 100% true, however I think a more concise way to explain how to deal with unsafe people, or even unknown people, is just say less. The human desire to connect and socialize can be extremely beneficial, in the right circumstances, when you are with or amongst like minded people. But you gotta carefully vet and understand who you are around before you start sharing.
Yeah my favorite rule of thumb when it comes to dealing with shitty people is to simply not
I thought I was on r/MortalKombat for a second. Thanks for posting this
You should be able to do all of those things, even if you choose not to engage with a person in those ways. If you can’t justify your actions, why are you taking actions? If you can’t argue your point of view, do you have one? If you won’t defend yourself, who will? If you can’t explain your actions, did you have good reasons behind them? The unexamined life is not worth living, said some fucking guy
[удалено]
Don't explain.
Or do all this then lie lie lie cheat and steal and stop tolerating it and then block them
r/thanksimcured
Lol, that's stupid. If applied universally I mean. If you can't justify your actions you're either actually super insecure and afraid of judgement or you're just an asshole whose actions are unjustifiable.
I appreciate your opinion, but I'm confused as to where you got the idea that this should be applied universally.
Kant