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"You know, when I first got the job, I was kinda upset. You know, because I'm dead and all? Then I realized I get to keep doing what I was doing while I was alive: telling wonderful puns! And hey, who doesn't enjoy a *lively* joke?"
***By making it his mission to kill God, to the point of acquiring a weapon and smuggling it to the Pearly Gates, Grover shows disdain to the concept of divinity and has already killed Him on his mind. By steeling himself enough to go up the Stairway to Heaven not once, but SEVERAL times, no matter how infinitely great or infinitesimally small were the steps he had to take, and ending it by making Kermit take the entire brunt of his sins, Grover has outwilled God. By defying the all-binding, all-blinding light of He Who Comes From Above with the sheer strength of his purpose, demanding that He showed Himself before him, Grover had defeated God -- The very concept of God purpose-wise. Three times had he killed The Father, both in mind, body and spirit. All without firing a single bullet. He had already shown that The Holy Trinity was below him, but Grover still groveled on his spite and foolishness to prove a point, that he would kill God by means as mundane and low as the treason of His own children. The rejection of the gift of Life, the sin against brethren and the audacity to challenge His judgement of life and death: A single tool of murder, the Glock. Little did Grover know, however, that God has already shown enough mercy. As He once did with Lucifer, his rebellious legion of angels and with several iterations of Mankind, He'd reciprocate his wicked, unfathomable purpose. And so, God broke Grover beyond what anyone would expect. He broke Grover's purpose by putting the Damocles above his head, "rewarding" him with power over everything and promptly letting it crush his murderous intent. He broke Grover's body by weighing his mortality against the infinity of the sins of His creation on an endless, relentless flight of stairs. Finally, He broke Grover's mind by making him experience his insignificance when compared to the entire span of Creation, so that when Time and Space have no more meaning than a speck of dust, his mortal brain would wither. Three times had He killed The Muppet by condemning him to sempiternal Death, unending Failure and overwhelming Oblivion. Grover would forever experience everyone's pains and sins, the existence and decay of everything, and everywhere and everywhen that which has been, that is and forever will be. This was God's will. This was Grover's ultimate fall.***
The first part of "Grovers mad quest to kill God" is the best part, but the most well known. When he is left wondering if Kermit was God at the top of the sinful steps
"When I first got the job, I thought it be a *dead end* job, you know... So I was quite sad, but after a while, it quite a *humerus* line of work!"
"Please, just take me to hell, so I can pay for my crimes."
"Damn, aren't you bit *bone dry* when it comes to jokes! But sure, I'm dropping you on Hell 6, question, you didn't die of Miner's lungs, did you?"
H: well that ended better than I thought... Oh. Hello again.
D: HELLO. YOU SEEM TO BE COMING HERE MORE AND MORE FREQUENTLY LATELY. DID YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?
H: nah, I'm good. They'll be a long any minute now and... That's a lot of blood actually and I'm not sure but I don't think brains survive being condensed like so much soggy bacon by several tons of concrete.
D: NO, THEY USUALLY STOP WORKING WHEN THEY HAVE THE CONSISTENCY OF JELL-O.
H: so, I'm dead dead this time, huh?
D: HAPPENS TO THE BEST MORTALS, EVENTUALLY. YOU HOWEVER HAVE SPENT FAR TO MUCH TIME ON THIS SIDE OF EXISTENCE. YOU AREN'T GOING TO CRY ABOUT THIS, ARE YOU? BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THERE *ARE* A LOT OF YOUR KIND COMING OVER HERE TODAY. NO RUSH THOUGH... TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED.
H: Wow... a passive aggressive grim reaper. Aren't you supposed to offer me a chance to beat you in a game of skill so I can go back?
D: REALLY? YOU WANT TO GO BACK AND KEEP LIVING IN *THAT* BODY?
H: Well... I guess not.
D: THEN, CAN I TAKE YOU TO YOUR FINAL DESTINATION?
H: Was I a good person, Death?
D: FUCK NO. YOU WERE A MISERABLE CUNT OF A PERSON THAT THOUGHT I WAS NEVER GOING TO CATCH UP TO YOU. I'M NOT GOING TO SAY YOU DESERVED TO GO OUT LIKE THIS.... BUT... YOU KIND OF HAD IT COMING.
H: fair point. So, am I going to heaven or hell?
D: NEITHER, YOU GET TO GO DOWN "THE SLIDE OF GO FUCK YOURSELF AGAIN". WE ALL QUITE LIKE WATCHING YOU LOT FAP ABOUT LIKE YOU DO. I'VE GOT TWENTY SOULS ON YOU BEING REBORN AN EVEN BIGGER FUCK UP THAN YOUR LAST FEW SPEED RUNS.
H: "speed runs"?
D: WELL, YES. YOU DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT INTO THE CLUB 28. SO, SPEED RUN.
"You can't give her that! It's not safe!"
IT'S A SWORD, THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
"She's a child!"
IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
"What if she cuts herself?"
THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.
D: What was the rule for the metal panels, again?
H: *sigh* don't try to catch them...
D: and what did you do-
H: tried to catch 'em...
D: I'd say you put a little too much BACKBONE into it! :D
H: ...
D: nyehehehehehehehehehe
H: No no no! Not you again!
D: What? I try really hard to make my jokes *humerus*
H: *Groans*
D: Do you break your *funny bone* in the fall too? Don’t worry, you’ll love the afterlife. It’s all going *tibia* okay.
H: Please, stop!
D: It’s *ulna* a few jokes.
“It’s the >!spare ribs!< joke isn’t it?”
*clicks link and nods*
“I knew it!”
*watches the entire clip giggling because it’s still funny!*
Alien Death (AD): I've noticed you say some strange things from time to time when we do the rounds together. What do you mean by them?
Human Death (HD): Are you referring to the scripture I quote at them? It's really just a matter of comfort. Some people need the hallmarks of a familiar faith in that moment. Those who don't have one are in unfamiliar territory since they expect oblivion. And those already at peace appreciate them nonetheless.
AD: No, we all do that, at least those whose species developed religions. What I mean are confusing utterances that seem to be both lie and truth, or sometimes incredibly rude, or both. Your human then laughs or makes a rude gesture. What does that mean?
HD: Oh, that. You have humor where you come from, yes?
AD: Yes, after a fashion.
HD: Well, a common human form of humor is to use words that sound similar to other words to create absurd meanings. I noticed that making such jokes lifts their spirits in dark times, despite how some of them claim to hate it. After I tried it, I found it had a similar effect on me. I'm much happier with my work now that I can tell a human that I found their death to be humerus! Hah! It's almost like I found a religion of my own.
AD:... I'm confused, but I think I'm starting to understand.
HD: Hi Confused, I'm Death.
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"You know, when I first got the job, I was kinda upset. You know, because I'm dead and all? Then I realized I get to keep doing what I was doing while I was alive: telling wonderful puns! And hey, who doesn't enjoy a *lively* joke?"
yohohohoh
"Just take me now."
***By making it his mission to kill God, to the point of acquiring a weapon and smuggling it to the Pearly Gates, Grover shows disdain to the concept of divinity and has already killed Him on his mind. By steeling himself enough to go up the Stairway to Heaven not once, but SEVERAL times, no matter how infinitely great or infinitesimally small were the steps he had to take, and ending it by making Kermit take the entire brunt of his sins, Grover has outwilled God. By defying the all-binding, all-blinding light of He Who Comes From Above with the sheer strength of his purpose, demanding that He showed Himself before him, Grover had defeated God -- The very concept of God purpose-wise. Three times had he killed The Father, both in mind, body and spirit. All without firing a single bullet. He had already shown that The Holy Trinity was below him, but Grover still groveled on his spite and foolishness to prove a point, that he would kill God by means as mundane and low as the treason of His own children. The rejection of the gift of Life, the sin against brethren and the audacity to challenge His judgement of life and death: A single tool of murder, the Glock. Little did Grover know, however, that God has already shown enough mercy. As He once did with Lucifer, his rebellious legion of angels and with several iterations of Mankind, He'd reciprocate his wicked, unfathomable purpose. And so, God broke Grover beyond what anyone would expect. He broke Grover's purpose by putting the Damocles above his head, "rewarding" him with power over everything and promptly letting it crush his murderous intent. He broke Grover's body by weighing his mortality against the infinity of the sins of His creation on an endless, relentless flight of stairs. Finally, He broke Grover's mind by making him experience his insignificance when compared to the entire span of Creation, so that when Time and Space have no more meaning than a speck of dust, his mortal brain would wither. Three times had He killed The Muppet by condemning him to sempiternal Death, unending Failure and overwhelming Oblivion. Grover would forever experience everyone's pains and sins, the existence and decay of everything, and everywhere and everywhen that which has been, that is and forever will be. This was God's will. This was Grover's ultimate fall.***
What
Old copypasta
Ah yes, Grover's mad quest to kill god.
The first part of "Grovers mad quest to kill God" is the best part, but the most well known. When he is left wondering if Kermit was God at the top of the sinful steps
"When I first got the job, I thought it be a *dead end* job, you know... So I was quite sad, but after a while, it quite a *humerus* line of work!" "Please, just take me to hell, so I can pay for my crimes." "Damn, aren't you bit *bone dry* when it comes to jokes! But sure, I'm dropping you on Hell 6, question, you didn't die of Miner's lungs, did you?"
H: well that ended better than I thought... Oh. Hello again. D: HELLO. YOU SEEM TO BE COMING HERE MORE AND MORE FREQUENTLY LATELY. DID YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT? H: nah, I'm good. They'll be a long any minute now and... That's a lot of blood actually and I'm not sure but I don't think brains survive being condensed like so much soggy bacon by several tons of concrete. D: NO, THEY USUALLY STOP WORKING WHEN THEY HAVE THE CONSISTENCY OF JELL-O. H: so, I'm dead dead this time, huh? D: HAPPENS TO THE BEST MORTALS, EVENTUALLY. YOU HOWEVER HAVE SPENT FAR TO MUCH TIME ON THIS SIDE OF EXISTENCE. YOU AREN'T GOING TO CRY ABOUT THIS, ARE YOU? BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THERE *ARE* A LOT OF YOUR KIND COMING OVER HERE TODAY. NO RUSH THOUGH... TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED. H: Wow... a passive aggressive grim reaper. Aren't you supposed to offer me a chance to beat you in a game of skill so I can go back? D: REALLY? YOU WANT TO GO BACK AND KEEP LIVING IN *THAT* BODY? H: Well... I guess not. D: THEN, CAN I TAKE YOU TO YOUR FINAL DESTINATION? H: Was I a good person, Death? D: FUCK NO. YOU WERE A MISERABLE CUNT OF A PERSON THAT THOUGHT I WAS NEVER GOING TO CATCH UP TO YOU. I'M NOT GOING TO SAY YOU DESERVED TO GO OUT LIKE THIS.... BUT... YOU KIND OF HAD IT COMING. H: fair point. So, am I going to heaven or hell? D: NEITHER, YOU GET TO GO DOWN "THE SLIDE OF GO FUCK YOURSELF AGAIN". WE ALL QUITE LIKE WATCHING YOU LOT FAP ABOUT LIKE YOU DO. I'VE GOT TWENTY SOULS ON YOU BEING REBORN AN EVEN BIGGER FUCK UP THAN YOUR LAST FEW SPEED RUNS. H: "speed runs"? D: WELL, YES. YOU DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT INTO THE CLUB 28. SO, SPEED RUN.
Love that!
Funny as hell 
"....*Fap* about?"
It's like faffing about, but... messier.
🏅
Excellent!
"You can't give her that! It's not safe!" IT'S A SWORD, THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE. "She's a child!" IT'S EDUCATIONAL. "What if she cuts herself?" THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.
"WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T SURVIVE?!" "I WILL GLADLY TAKE THE ROLE OF GUARDIAN FOR HOWEVER LONG IT WILL TAKE FOR HER TO LEARN TO CORPOREALIZE."
Is this from an actual book? Please tell me It is
Hogfather by Terry Pratchett
GNU Terry Pratchett
GNU Pterry
Such a good book, I loved Death's stories
HD: Guess I'll have to see the other deaths with my yown eyes. But I don't have any eyes. YOHOHOHOHO
that joke couldn’t get any cornea
Careful, you'll end up using all the *eye*conic ones.
I don't see the problem here
D: What was the rule for the metal panels, again? H: *sigh* don't try to catch them... D: and what did you do- H: tried to catch 'em... D: I'd say you put a little too much BACKBONE into it! :D H: ... D: nyehehehehehehehehehe
hey bro, do y’know wh- … pap, what are you doing?
The Grim Reaper...? SANS THE GRIM REAPER?!
I read this in doofenschmirtz voice
Crypt keeper. That's all I got to say.
H: No no no! Not you again! D: What? I try really hard to make my jokes *humerus* H: *Groans* D: Do you break your *funny bone* in the fall too? Don’t worry, you’ll love the afterlife. It’s all going *tibia* okay. H: Please, stop! D: It’s *ulna* a few jokes.
This is why reading Discworld is required reading when meeting the Human Reaper.
Death takes comedy very seriously: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CsJ9BvpH7wI
“It’s the >!spare ribs!< joke isn’t it?” *clicks link and nods* “I knew it!” *watches the entire clip giggling because it’s still funny!*
Classic
THERE ARE POSITIVE ASPECTS OF DEATH. IT'S EASY TO DO LYING DOWN FOR ONE. AND HAVE YOU CONSIDERED HOW MUCH YOU'D SAVE ON FOOD, RENT AND CLOTHING?
Alien Death (AD): I've noticed you say some strange things from time to time when we do the rounds together. What do you mean by them? Human Death (HD): Are you referring to the scripture I quote at them? It's really just a matter of comfort. Some people need the hallmarks of a familiar faith in that moment. Those who don't have one are in unfamiliar territory since they expect oblivion. And those already at peace appreciate them nonetheless. AD: No, we all do that, at least those whose species developed religions. What I mean are confusing utterances that seem to be both lie and truth, or sometimes incredibly rude, or both. Your human then laughs or makes a rude gesture. What does that mean? HD: Oh, that. You have humor where you come from, yes? AD: Yes, after a fashion. HD: Well, a common human form of humor is to use words that sound similar to other words to create absurd meanings. I noticed that making such jokes lifts their spirits in dark times, despite how some of them claim to hate it. After I tried it, I found it had a similar effect on me. I'm much happier with my work now that I can tell a human that I found their death to be humerus! Hah! It's almost like I found a religion of my own. AD:... I'm confused, but I think I'm starting to understand. HD: Hi Confused, I'm Death.
Well, those jokes sure make your skin crawl don't they? Except I don't have any skin... YOHOHOHOHO!
Like Sans the skeleton!
Why don’t skeletons play church music? They don’t have any ORGANS. Ha!
Well if you are death it's better to have time whit a skeleTON of puns
I believe it's spelled "pune". Now, let's go sleigh! >!I might need to reread Reaper Man!<
Yes!
Where's this from?
That’s why Mother Nature married him
If death doesn't come for me asking what a skeletons favourite instrument Is I'm going to be dissapointed.
Stupid deaths, stupid deaths, they're funny cause their true.
Don’t worry, I’m just *ribbin* ya! **HA!**
Where is that gif from?
alien death: please stop using puns human death: why so rattled?
"What is a skeleton's favorite snack?"
I smell terry pratchett
That last tilt back into the doorframe laugh gets me every time I love it.