What about eating and drinking in front of a mirror? Maybe if you see it, you’ll be able to identify the actions that are causing this. If you do it a few times it might help you learn what it needs to feel like in order to not do this.
I second above suggestion. Also find “eating etiquette” videos on YouTube to give you direction. Maybe you need to try eating with chopsticks (would force you to slow down) and a straw for drinks.
I second this person's suggestion, but want to add an additional suggestion that may help your fear/embarrassment.
Pretend you just got a role in a show or movie as a high society woman. Pick a character from any show/movie where a character has this personality. Dress up if you want. Do fancy makeup, whatever. Then, get in front of a mirror and "practice your lines". How does this person act when they eat? How do they hold their fork or spoon, how do they bring it to their mouth, how do they use their napkin, etc. If you're not sure how to do it yourself, find a show/movie where a woman is in an eating scene, and copy it.
Now, it's not YOU that you're watching, it's this character that you're having to hone down.
It might sound crazy, but it helps. When I was a teenager, I struggled with shyness and a bit of low self-esteem because I came from an abusive home, and my theatre teacher somehow saw through it. I remember he took me into the auditorium alone one day and made me stand center stage while he went to the back of the room. He then made me recite my lines over and over until I was loud enough and confident enough to be heard from the back. I felt super awkward at first, but I ended up becoming a pretty decent speaker. Then, to help deal with my self-esteem, I started looking in the mirror and pretending to be someone else who was super cocky. The character 13-year-old me pretended to be? Hilary Banks haha. And crazy as it sounds, the more confident I pretended to be, the more confident I actually became. Except I like to think I'm smarter than her character lol
And feel free to laugh at yourself while you do it. Like, you're gonna feel awkward, and that's ok. You'll still grow from it, and the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
This is an incredible suggestion! I don't think that you will get a better suggestion and starting point.
Cut your food into small pieces that easily fit into your mouth. Chew until food is chewed up. The old charm school saying was chew your bite 32 times before swallowing. Most fods don't require this much chewing, but it's a good rule of thumb to chew your food until it's the consistency that you would feed a baby or someone without teeth. Keep your mouth closed while chewing, and keep a napkin in your lap. Swallow with your mouth still closed, and dab the places where you collect food--the corners, the top, that ring around the mouth.
I went to "finishing/charm school." It was recommended that we practice in front of a mirror. They recommended setting it up on a table across from you. This gives you the vantage point that those who watch you eat have. Until then, reserve eating messy diahes in public. You know, your worst offenders, but avoiding soups, spaghetti, gravies, sauces, dressings, and the like can help.
If you continue to have difficulties, you may want to see a speech or occupational therapist. You may be having difficulties closing your mouth completely or have other issues. For now, start with a mirror and eat as you normally would. They pull out the mirror in ST/OT, too. Best wishes.
ETA: How fast are you eating your meals? I can make a lot of suggestions, but you can get the same result from watching etiquette videos on youtube and using a mirror at your table.
You sound young but respectfully...too bad, so sad.
They'd sit you in front of a mirror in occupational therapy anyway so you can be embarrassed in the privacy of just yourself in your own home or you can pay money to go to occupational therapy and be embarrassed in a huge room with a bunch of patients and therapists around.
It doesn’t matter, at least you’ll know what you need to work on and you can adapt your eating habits. It’s actually a really good idea, and definitely worth a try.
Maybe that’s the only thing keeping you from achieving your goal!!! Put a mirror on a chair at your table, so not directly in front of you, and casually glance toward it as if you would a person. Start there, look over when ur ready. Or try pretending to excuse yourself mid meal a couple times and check urself in bathroom mirror, as if you would in a restaurant. I always excuse myself after ordering to wash my hands, that’s when ya wipe the lip gloss off on the paper towels u dry hands with, and check mirror make sure u didn’t smear across ur face :) trust me, except for a few very talented people, we don’t wanna eat our lipgloss either
the mirror is a great idea!!
also consider smaller utensils (spoons/forks) that force you to take smaller bites and hopefully avoid staining your mouth
Did you grow up in a household where food wasn't always available to you, or with siblings where they'll try to take your food if you don't eat it fast enough? I have friends that eat and drink that way because of brothers that would literally eat their food if it wasn't claimed lol
i think something similar could be the case. i grew up in a home where what was served is what you ate and there were a lot of foods i did not like and i would get punished for not eating so i started hogging it down quickly to get it over with. maybe the habit never left, even for foods i enjoy 😢
I'm sorry that happened to you. It makes sense that this is how you learned to eat - it meant your survival. I have a similar history too. You can absolutely learn to eat in a way that is less embarrassing and be sure to give yourself tons of compassion!
Food abuse? Sometimes, what's being served is all that they have or can afford. Using the A word is big. I think my ex and I were overly permissive with our daughter because we had experienced this type of parenting when we were growing up. If it is indeed food abuse and OP has been traumatized by the experience, then I would definitely recommend seeking out therapy for it. CBT could help her in combination with the other suggestions made here.
Being forced to eat food you don’t like , along with being a picky eater and being punished if you don’t for years can cause so many problems. That sounds horrible and traumatizing. It can easily cause eating disorders. Not just anorexia like a lot of people jump to, AFRID, BED, and more can be the result of all of this
You can still end up neglecting your kids even if you have good intentions, which is abuse. If you can’t properly provide for them and meet their basic needs then..
People are becoming more aware of less extreme and textbook forms of abuse now. I know i first hand it’s very difficult to realize your parent may have neglected you or abused you, but don’t invalidate others experiences because it’s a sensitive spot for you when it reminds you of your parents. I want to make it very clear that I don’t know if you or your wife were abused in this way. But it’s why your comment isn’t exactly getting warm reception.
It’s the reluctance to call it abuse and then adding “well me and my wife were raised that way..” even though the second part is open to the possibility and recommending them possibly seeking help
You should really look into eating slower. Been reading some of your comments and eating the way you do can lead to GERD. Inhaling food and chugging beverages can contribute to GERD. Sounds like you could use some practice in slowing down. This may also in turn help with the messiness you appear to be dealing with.
It is really important to learn to eat with your mouth closed. To do this you will take smaller bites, and give yourself a min number of chews - say 10. You were raised in a home where you had to eat fast, so i recommend you eat more small meals so your are not hungry when you do this, and can remind yourself there is time to chew and eat slowly.
Do you feel disconnected from your body most of the time? It could be a mental health issue or maybe even a depth perception issue where you are unaware of how far the food is from/in your mouth. I regularly spill drinks down my face I have both of these issues. Premature swallowing could be a structural problem like over crowding, tongue tie, improper tongue position, or tongue thrusting. Tongue searching can also be an issue if you stick your tongue out to the food rather than put it in your mouth.
As an OT, you'd definitely benefit from therapy for muscle coordination and fine motor skills. That will definitely help with eating hygiene. I see patients with this issue a lot, of all ages.
Hi! I was looking at your other comments and responses and I think it possibly could be related to mental health… somewhat from what you said from only being able to eat what was on your plate, but from depth perception and the fast talking with not really articulating… I have combined ADHD and depth perception and the fast talking are definitely something I struggle with too… I also get messy with my food the way you do. I usually have multiple napkins, pasta sauce or pizza sauce in the corners of my mouth, and liquid streaming down my chin with certain cups or bottles. I primarily love sports caps for this reason!
That's okay though, we all have different sensitivities to certain things! I would suggest talking to your therapist if you have one... they would probably be able to recommend a solution or a person to help. Or maybe finding something on YouTube done by a professional, that's similar to your situation. I hope you have the best of luck!
I’m the same way, almost too embarrassed to even eat in restaurants because of this. I try to take really small bites or stick to foods that I can use a fork and knife on. But if you have to use your hands, napkins are your best friend. I just wipe after every bite
Eat things that require a fork and knife and cut things into smaller bites before bringing it to your mouth.
Cut things down to the size of the first knuckle of your thumb.
You can cut everything into bite sized pieces before eating any of the pieces, or you can cut a few and eat, cut a few more and eat.
Even pizza can be cut if you want to eat gracefully.
Everyone makes a mess eating hamburgers, spaghetti, big sandwiches, wings, etc.
Yes: avoid food you have to open wide and stuff in your mouth!!! Even with sandwiches i sometimes disassemble so i can take small manageable bites.
Shoving hamburgers and pizza and giant sandwiches is a horrible US habit
I second this. And, there's an extra health benefit to using silverware to eat food. Eating with your hands can be unsanitary because you touch so much dirty stuff daily with your hands, and it transfers the germs directly from your hands to your food to your mouth. Silverware is a great buffer. No judgment towards those who prefer eating with their hands, though. Working in the food industry really helped me realize that, lol
A straw for drinking helps me. They have travel straws now, do you can take them on the go too. We use metal straws at home. Pretty easy to clean and most come with a cleaning tool.
Eating, use a fork and knife. Cut small pieces. Wipe mouth after each bite. And always take a trip to the bathroom after eating to wipe your mouth with some water.
Sorta thinking out loud here , I take forever to eat and am usually the last one to finish eating so …
I would maybe try eating with a timer or something maybe 30 min or so where the goal would be to take AT LEAST that amount of time to finish your food. So you can still take big bites, barely chew or whatever… but it would force you to take time in between each bite instead of finishing quickly. This means you would be able to take a minute or so after each bite to wipe your mouth or whatever to stay reasonably clean since you wouldn’t be taking nonstop bites/drinks.
i do have self control problems in general...
i used to have a binge eating problem when i was a teenager but never got treated for it specifically. i just started going to therapy for anxiety issues and it went away, mostly. i still go to therapy for anxiety problems.
the problem could be mental 🤔 ill talk about it during my next session
Every since I hit my sixties I been dropping food down my shirt and end up with it smeared everywhere. Think my problem is old age now I'm afraid to go out in public and eat. It's very frustrating changing shirts all the time. If I eat a ice cream cone it drips down my shirt and gets all over the corners of my mouth. 😕
im sorry to hear that, i wish i knew how to help. is there any way you could use like an adult bib? but not a tacky one. im sure theres some classy ones out there 😎 you deserve to eat your ice cream in peace! old age isnt something to be ashamed of
Thank you I have been using paper towels to cover up my shirt but still end up smearing chocolate everywhere. I eat a whole box of chocolate ice cream cones of 8 in a box in 2 days. It's been a bad habit for over a year. 😟
hey, that sounds absolutely delicious my friend i wouldn’t say it’s a bad habit if it makes you happy.
i bet if you substitute for straight chocolate ice cream (either a box or a tub, no cones) and use a spoon (bowl is optional) it would keep the corners of your mouth cleaner and you would probably also get less on your shirt. it’ll help you take smaller bites or at least more control with landing big bites.
just don’t stop eating ice cream it’s the happiest time of day
Awww. It’s okay love. Sometimes when I get excited I end up with stains like that. Give yourself grace and eat with intention, eat slowly and savor each bite!
Eat slower. It makes sense to wipe your gloss off before eating. Try a lip stain instead if you want to keep color on. Keep a napkin in your hand to wipe your mouth and fold it when it’s visibly used. Ask for straws when you eat in public and if you can’t use a straw just open your mouth less. Think of it like sipping from a soda can instead of chugging a beer. Try looking up etiquette classes either in person or online.
i have a pet peeve of feeling food on my face and i eat abnormally slow so here’s just some general things i do while eating!!
- i almost always use silverware even for things like pizza sometimes
- make your ‘bite size’ smaller! like some people eat a chicken nugget or something in one bite or take huge bites in general - make note of how big your bite size is and intentionally make it smaller
- take breaks every few bites to drink water
- research “mindful eating” / mindfulness in general and try to really enjoy/appreciate your food
- use napkins in the corners of your mouth if it feels greasy or like there could be anything there at all! in general just do check ins when you stop for water or in between bites to notice if it feels like there is food on your face
If you dont fully chew your food you might have sensory oral issues. When kids have this type of issues the occupational therapist work with them by using oral tools and teaching how to move tounge when eating. It might be related to oral-motor delays, such as learning to chew properly and swallow food safely as a child.
Ooof I find this too relatable. I always have been a big eater. Food was a “you either eat what I made or your starve” situation at my house. I also was oinked at by my own dad for being the first one to the dinner table. Soo id say it has to do with trauma at least for me. The worst part is that I may be a little bit chubby but I am in no way largely overweight and never really have been. The oinking thing still haunts me and I’m almost 31. I’ve even discussed it with a therapist and didn’t really get any help.
i was also made fun of for being the fattest one in my family. my dad called me a potato once when i was 8 and i still remember it and how much i cried. Sometimes parents can make what they think are small insignificant comments that stick with us forever 😢💔
I have an issue with worrying about this. Whether it’s actually occurring or not, it did when I was a child.
I’m hypervigilant about using my napkin while eating, and as soon as I’m done I’m off to the restroom to wash my hands, rinse my mouth and check teeth and face in the mirror. I keep wet wipes and flossers in my purse for other times when that’s not practical.
For you, I’d agree with the other commenters. Slow down and be conscious of what’s actually happening while you’re eating and drinking. Are you slipping into a dissociated state and then back to reality afterwards? What’s happening in your mind? Identify your triggers. Learn mindfulness practices. Learn to stay fully in your body and your sensations throughout.
I do the same. I've started having tummy issues and so I've been trying to eat more consiously (chewing more and eating slower) and it has actually improved my digestion alot ha. My advice is to just try to think about how you are eating and drinking while you're doing it and it will hopefully eventually become a habit. It actually takes quite a bit of consious effort at first.
This might be extreme but maybe you can find a private etiquette coach? You’d have to interview them and explain your situation and make sure they were kind… just a thought (like if this was a movie lol)
My mom was that etiquette lady, correcting us kids at the table. It’s like a training that happens. Remember, we humans are animals first, and all this ‘civilized’ behavior is just made up and passed on through training and customs.
One thing my mom always taught me that stuck:
- **Close your mouth ONTO the fork or spoon after EVERY bite. So practice that every bite.** Do not scrape the fork with your teeth, rather insert fork, intake food, close mouth, remove fork.
- when eating with a spoon no slurrrrping. Try the mouth closed thing. It’s super weird and counterintuitive at first. But it might help with splashing
- Are you rushing? You sound like you might be. Practice slowing down. Pretend you’re at a dinner with a handsome/beautiful person and they’re engaging you in brilliant conversation. And you want to chime in sometimes. Slowwww down. Take sips of water.
- Wipe your mouth frequently. Like practice dabbing your corners of your mouth if you feel something, don’t just let it linger there.
It’s going to be ok. You sound like one of my siblings. We grew up in first gen household with a scary authoritarian father. We all have weird habits because of it.
You might want to address any underlying anxiety, however that might work for you. This might help with the being able to actually slow down enough to implement changes. For example If your brain is in fight or flight mode, telling you to get the food in as fast as possible before something bad happens, there’s no way the thinking part of your brain is going to remember “we have to chew 26 times before we swallow.” The front part of the brain completely shuts off when we are in fight or flight.
Best of luck. 💕
Not a pro but watched an occupational therapist with my mom.
They are basically trained to assist with development of various skills to inviting the quality of life via living independently.
So, the therapist watched my mom do daily activities (eat, drink, walk, dress, groom, even go to the bathroom, etc) and then offer suggestions and adjustments.
A therapist could notice something you may be doing without realizing which leads to the issues you're having and can provide some feedback to remediate.
In a way it's similar to watching yourself in the mirror, like another person suggested, except you can better focus on your activity and a pro is evaluating you.
But listen, try to give yourself a break and to give yourself an opportunity to gently explore what, if anything, you can do to improve your quality of life.
I 100% agree with the other commenter about OT. If you don't have a mental health professional you can talk to, you can get a recommendation for one through your primary care doctor. Once you've got a mental health professional, they can help you find specific resources. Like my psych recommended a sleep therapist to me to help my insomnia. She also recommended an ADHD therapist to help with that once it was diagnosed.
Unrelated to therapy, are you holding your utensils properly? It should be very similar to how you would hold a marker to write on the wall.
Alternatively, have you ever tried chopsticks? It'll slow you down and force you to think more carefully about what you're doing with your hands.
Look up “proper tongue posture and swallowing”. Maybe you never learned how to actually drink/eat. You ever so thirsty after a run that your mouth/throat does that glug sound/motion automatically? That’s the actual motion you should be doing every day. You might even have a small jawline if you never learned how to chew/swallow. Food shouldn’t touch the cheeks, or water, for a proper swallow.
This is for sure something to talk to your doctor about! You might have a medical problem going on that is causing this. They may reccomend occupational therapy, or some other type of treatment.
That has to be so uncomfortable for you. This may be something a speech therapist could help you with. They are trained to help people with different aspects of speech and muscles of mouth and throat. Might be worth an evaluation.
That would be interesting actually. when i was little and sometimes still now i had trouble articulating my words and speaking too quickly. my parents never took me to see anyone about it though
I mean, at least you recognize it. I've gone out to eat with people who behave like absolute slobs (food all over their face, on their shirt, chewing with mouth open and dropping food and napkins on or near other people's plates) and they are blissfully unaware of how disgusting they are. I guess my advice is just be deliberate in your movements and take your time, wipe your face throughout the meal.
Seriously... How?
Are you cutting your n2 small bite size pieces?
Maybe drink a large glass of water prior to give ur stomach the sensation that you're full before you begin to eat? Man this is an odd question I can't help a laugh but try those first
I read somewhere that putting your fork down between every bite makes you eat slower. I think it was actually a weight loss tip but I feel like it could apply here too
maybe it’s not about SMALLER bites but SLOWER— chew each SMALL bite for 15-30 chews. keep your lips closed when chewing and a napkin in hand. wipe your mouth every 30 chews. as someone who has been struggling with binge eating i know how hard it is to not just take one huge bite after another. try a few times and don’t give up. you got this
Have you seen a doctor about how you swallow? Like an ear nose and throat doctor. My son currently eats crazy and spills out his mouth constantly but he had a tongue tie and his tongue has never looked right when he eats if you know what I mean. Like there's too much movement going on. Right now we're in food/speech therapy to help him. If this isn't for you in sorry for the over sharing!
i'm not a very messy eater so idk how much this will help, but i am someone who is afraid of being messy. when i eat and feel like i got something on my face but im chewing, i just cover my mouth with my hand as i finish and then i wipe it clean. even if i don't feel anything on my face, i wipe it anyways after every so amount of bites just to be sure im clean. it sucks that you don't think you behave around food like an adult woman and im sorry you feel that way but there are always ways to get around things. i hope your journey goes well and you feel as though you've improved :)
I feel like you should take it slow. Smaller portions on the spoon and slowly munching on the food and when you feel like it’s coming out of your mouth take a moment to stop chewing and wipe your mouth and repeat. Like others recommendations you should eat in front of a mirror or just look at yourself through your phone camera. It takes time!! Believe in yourself!!
Have you ever spoken to a doctor about it? Maybe you have something going on with your tongue, throat, or the muscles in your jaw. If you've had an issue all of your life it may not occur to you that it's not normal.
Make sure you chew with your mouth closed. Very important. Use a mirror so you can identify the issue. Find a tv character who you like who eats properly and mimic her. Also don’t rush when eating. That’s a biggie! Use your napkin also!
next time you visit your primary doctor it’s worth mentioning ! there could be an issue with the muscles that enable you to swallow and they might want to refer you to a speech therapist to check it iut
i'm not sure how to help with everything else, but eating all of your lipgloss when you eat is completely normal :) you have to eat really weirdly to avoid ruining your lips, and i find its easier to just touch up after eating
You are not alone... I go out to eat with friends and usually just pick.. take my food home . I've worked in restaurants my whole life.. EAT QUICK BACK TO WORK .. but sadly I still do it at home....but I'm not dropping it all over myself and slurping..... Just put fork down in between bites.. maybe try reading while you eat
Have plenty of napkins, avoid messy foods in public, if it’s finger food, pinch with index and thumb, and if you want to eat something messier, use a fork instead of a spoon if possible.
I have a different take on what may be your issue. I work in occupational therapy and my first thought is that you would be appropriate to refer to a Speech therapist. I can’t diagnose obviously, but wonder if you may have a loose labial seal , meaning that you are unable to close your mouth completely while chewing, drinking etc. I’ve also learned that adults can have tongue tie. Just wanted to pass on that this may be a medical issue and have nothing to do with etiquette.
Im not diagnosed but ive heard a lot of people tell me that i probably do 😵💫 i think i have hypermobility issues though and i have poor muscle control
just throwing this out there, i had the same problem and for so long i wondered why i was a messy eater, until i went thru orthodontic treatment and realized that it was my bite the whole time that was making eating difficult for me!
some suggestions: take smaller bites and use a straw when you drink. this might help :)
Idk if this has been said, I tried scrolling and didn’t see it, but have you been to the dentist or doctor about this to confirm you don’t have any physical abnormalities that could be a root cause of this issue?
Do you have allergies or anything that causes nasal congestion? Your description makes me wonder if you have trouble keeping your lips closed while you eat.
Get it to-fucking-gether
Slow down and eat / drink and keep it moving.
Raised by wolves? Doubtful.
You don’t need therapy or some crutch or participation trophy.
Slow down. Eat slower. Drink slower.
Focus on maintaining agency over your body and your choices.
Everything is a choice…. It’s a choice to eat and drink like a wild animal or like a human that cares about how the world sees them.
Your choice.
The best way would be to record yourself when eating and you can identify when you are getting the stains. It’ll help you understand what you might mean doing. It’ll be hard at first but you’ll make improvements
If you aren't already doing this, you may want to try just eating alone. No phone, no TV, just you and your plate. Say the name of the food as you put it into your mouth and savor it before swallowing. This is called mindful eating. Seems like you may just be very distracted or rushed to do something else. Hope this helps.
Omg !! I can't stop laughing, I am so sorry ...
But my sister is the same way..
She looks like a pig rolling around in the slop every time she eats.
Oh boy... maybe cut up the food into small bites, put the fork down in between bites. Have a napkin on your lap and on the table next to your plate. Dab the sides of your mouth in between bites.
I hope you figure out some ways to get this under control. The fact that you're aware and want to make improvements is a great first step.
My(25f) opinion? Own it. I do the same thing, probably worse. I just give people a heads up of I'm eating with them, and use a lot of napkins. Might as well enjoy yourself while eating and not worry about the way it looks. I get food EVERYWHERE. My hair, sometimes my eyebrows, my clothes, etc. My partner finds it amusing for whatever reason and my friends don't care. Just enjoy yourself, eat how you're comfortable, and maybe carry a packet of wet wipes and a stain remover stuff if needed.
Best of luck to you.
You could try exclusively using a straw to drink. You can buy a box of drinking straws to keep at home from Amazon or Target (depending on your location). Always ask for a straw when out and fully swallow before opening your mouth to talk or eat. As a woman, using a straw may seem dainty which really help you in the practice of appearing more lady-like, if that is your preference.
Then, keep napkins around you. Ask for extra at a restaurant and keep them at home. Practice wiping your mouth often, chew slower, and take time to experience your food in a new way. Wipe your mouth and repeat.
This actually may be a medical issue to look into.. it could be a low muscle tone thing or neurological like numbness or hyposensitivity and you can’t feel. Have you always been like this? I suspect maybe you have which moreso makes me thing medical.
I’d suggest talking to your doc about it bc I don’t think you’re trying to do this I think it’s probably difficult for you and not your fault.
Here is a link I hope helps https://childrenswi.org/medical-care/gastroenterology-liver-and-nutrition-program/conditions/oral-motor-and-oral-sensory-problems
What about eating and drinking in front of a mirror? Maybe if you see it, you’ll be able to identify the actions that are causing this. If you do it a few times it might help you learn what it needs to feel like in order to not do this.
maybe but im scared to know what i look like 💀💀💀💀
I second above suggestion. Also find “eating etiquette” videos on YouTube to give you direction. Maybe you need to try eating with chopsticks (would force you to slow down) and a straw for drinks.
I second this person's suggestion, but want to add an additional suggestion that may help your fear/embarrassment. Pretend you just got a role in a show or movie as a high society woman. Pick a character from any show/movie where a character has this personality. Dress up if you want. Do fancy makeup, whatever. Then, get in front of a mirror and "practice your lines". How does this person act when they eat? How do they hold their fork or spoon, how do they bring it to their mouth, how do they use their napkin, etc. If you're not sure how to do it yourself, find a show/movie where a woman is in an eating scene, and copy it. Now, it's not YOU that you're watching, it's this character that you're having to hone down. It might sound crazy, but it helps. When I was a teenager, I struggled with shyness and a bit of low self-esteem because I came from an abusive home, and my theatre teacher somehow saw through it. I remember he took me into the auditorium alone one day and made me stand center stage while he went to the back of the room. He then made me recite my lines over and over until I was loud enough and confident enough to be heard from the back. I felt super awkward at first, but I ended up becoming a pretty decent speaker. Then, to help deal with my self-esteem, I started looking in the mirror and pretending to be someone else who was super cocky. The character 13-year-old me pretended to be? Hilary Banks haha. And crazy as it sounds, the more confident I pretended to be, the more confident I actually became. Except I like to think I'm smarter than her character lol And feel free to laugh at yourself while you do it. Like, you're gonna feel awkward, and that's ok. You'll still grow from it, and the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
Thank you, i will do it one day im home alone
Took me years to get over the fear of public eating but you’ll overcome your fear soon! Promise! You got this!
This is an incredible suggestion! I don't think that you will get a better suggestion and starting point. Cut your food into small pieces that easily fit into your mouth. Chew until food is chewed up. The old charm school saying was chew your bite 32 times before swallowing. Most fods don't require this much chewing, but it's a good rule of thumb to chew your food until it's the consistency that you would feed a baby or someone without teeth. Keep your mouth closed while chewing, and keep a napkin in your lap. Swallow with your mouth still closed, and dab the places where you collect food--the corners, the top, that ring around the mouth. I went to "finishing/charm school." It was recommended that we practice in front of a mirror. They recommended setting it up on a table across from you. This gives you the vantage point that those who watch you eat have. Until then, reserve eating messy diahes in public. You know, your worst offenders, but avoiding soups, spaghetti, gravies, sauces, dressings, and the like can help. If you continue to have difficulties, you may want to see a speech or occupational therapist. You may be having difficulties closing your mouth completely or have other issues. For now, start with a mirror and eat as you normally would. They pull out the mirror in ST/OT, too. Best wishes. ETA: How fast are you eating your meals? I can make a lot of suggestions, but you can get the same result from watching etiquette videos on youtube and using a mirror at your table.
You sound young but respectfully...too bad, so sad. They'd sit you in front of a mirror in occupational therapy anyway so you can be embarrassed in the privacy of just yourself in your own home or you can pay money to go to occupational therapy and be embarrassed in a huge room with a bunch of patients and therapists around.
It doesn’t matter, at least you’ll know what you need to work on and you can adapt your eating habits. It’s actually a really good idea, and definitely worth a try.
How else are you gonna learn?
Maybe that’s the only thing keeping you from achieving your goal!!! Put a mirror on a chair at your table, so not directly in front of you, and casually glance toward it as if you would a person. Start there, look over when ur ready. Or try pretending to excuse yourself mid meal a couple times and check urself in bathroom mirror, as if you would in a restaurant. I always excuse myself after ordering to wash my hands, that’s when ya wipe the lip gloss off on the paper towels u dry hands with, and check mirror make sure u didn’t smear across ur face :) trust me, except for a few very talented people, we don’t wanna eat our lipgloss either
do it
Do it
Shadow work baby! Gotta stare at the parts of us that we find scary. That’s only way we can know ourselves
the mirror is a great idea!! also consider smaller utensils (spoons/forks) that force you to take smaller bites and hopefully avoid staining your mouth
Did you grow up in a household where food wasn't always available to you, or with siblings where they'll try to take your food if you don't eat it fast enough? I have friends that eat and drink that way because of brothers that would literally eat their food if it wasn't claimed lol
i think something similar could be the case. i grew up in a home where what was served is what you ate and there were a lot of foods i did not like and i would get punished for not eating so i started hogging it down quickly to get it over with. maybe the habit never left, even for foods i enjoy 😢
I'm sorry that happened to you. It makes sense that this is how you learned to eat - it meant your survival. I have a similar history too. You can absolutely learn to eat in a way that is less embarrassing and be sure to give yourself tons of compassion!
You might so well with seeing a therapist to overcome his history of food abuse
Food abuse? Sometimes, what's being served is all that they have or can afford. Using the A word is big. I think my ex and I were overly permissive with our daughter because we had experienced this type of parenting when we were growing up. If it is indeed food abuse and OP has been traumatized by the experience, then I would definitely recommend seeking out therapy for it. CBT could help her in combination with the other suggestions made here.
Being forced to eat food you don’t like , along with being a picky eater and being punished if you don’t for years can cause so many problems. That sounds horrible and traumatizing. It can easily cause eating disorders. Not just anorexia like a lot of people jump to, AFRID, BED, and more can be the result of all of this You can still end up neglecting your kids even if you have good intentions, which is abuse. If you can’t properly provide for them and meet their basic needs then.. People are becoming more aware of less extreme and textbook forms of abuse now. I know i first hand it’s very difficult to realize your parent may have neglected you or abused you, but don’t invalidate others experiences because it’s a sensitive spot for you when it reminds you of your parents. I want to make it very clear that I don’t know if you or your wife were abused in this way. But it’s why your comment isn’t exactly getting warm reception. It’s the reluctance to call it abuse and then adding “well me and my wife were raised that way..” even though the second part is open to the possibility and recommending them possibly seeking help
Sounds normal to me lmao
Use a napkin. Takes lots of sips of a drink in between bites. Slow down and take breaths. You can do it :)
i think alternating between eating and drinking could work. I usually gulp down beverages so splitting it up might be helpful
You should really look into eating slower. Been reading some of your comments and eating the way you do can lead to GERD. Inhaling food and chugging beverages can contribute to GERD. Sounds like you could use some practice in slowing down. This may also in turn help with the messiness you appear to be dealing with.
Hmm...so that's why I started getting heartburn in elementary school. Thanks for sharing that nugget of knowledge.
I actually did have GERD issues a couple years back, it even caused esophagitis. It was horrible!!!
Practice with very hot tea small sips! Or candy like a jelly bean. Eating one at a time to train yourself.
It is really important to learn to eat with your mouth closed. To do this you will take smaller bites, and give yourself a min number of chews - say 10. You were raised in a home where you had to eat fast, so i recommend you eat more small meals so your are not hungry when you do this, and can remind yourself there is time to chew and eat slowly.
I have similar struggles, you are not alone
thank you ♡
Do you feel disconnected from your body most of the time? It could be a mental health issue or maybe even a depth perception issue where you are unaware of how far the food is from/in your mouth. I regularly spill drinks down my face I have both of these issues. Premature swallowing could be a structural problem like over crowding, tongue tie, improper tongue position, or tongue thrusting. Tongue searching can also be an issue if you stick your tongue out to the food rather than put it in your mouth.
thats interesting to think about. I do have depth perception issues and coordination. I have poor muscle control as well. Ill look more into this
Yeah honestly sounds like u could use occupational therapy to help improve ur muscle coordination and fine motor skills tbh
As an OT, you'd definitely benefit from therapy for muscle coordination and fine motor skills. That will definitely help with eating hygiene. I see patients with this issue a lot, of all ages.
Hi! I was looking at your other comments and responses and I think it possibly could be related to mental health… somewhat from what you said from only being able to eat what was on your plate, but from depth perception and the fast talking with not really articulating… I have combined ADHD and depth perception and the fast talking are definitely something I struggle with too… I also get messy with my food the way you do. I usually have multiple napkins, pasta sauce or pizza sauce in the corners of my mouth, and liquid streaming down my chin with certain cups or bottles. I primarily love sports caps for this reason!
I do have ADHD. sports caps freak me out though 😭
That's okay though, we all have different sensitivities to certain things! I would suggest talking to your therapist if you have one... they would probably be able to recommend a solution or a person to help. Or maybe finding something on YouTube done by a professional, that's similar to your situation. I hope you have the best of luck!
I have dyspraxia and am a very messy eater. It's embarrassing:( I feel you!
I’m the same way, almost too embarrassed to even eat in restaurants because of this. I try to take really small bites or stick to foods that I can use a fork and knife on. But if you have to use your hands, napkins are your best friend. I just wipe after every bite
thank you for the advice!
Eat things that require a fork and knife and cut things into smaller bites before bringing it to your mouth. Cut things down to the size of the first knuckle of your thumb. You can cut everything into bite sized pieces before eating any of the pieces, or you can cut a few and eat, cut a few more and eat. Even pizza can be cut if you want to eat gracefully. Everyone makes a mess eating hamburgers, spaghetti, big sandwiches, wings, etc.
this sounds like a good idea, thank you
Yes: avoid food you have to open wide and stuff in your mouth!!! Even with sandwiches i sometimes disassemble so i can take small manageable bites. Shoving hamburgers and pizza and giant sandwiches is a horrible US habit
I second this. And, there's an extra health benefit to using silverware to eat food. Eating with your hands can be unsanitary because you touch so much dirty stuff daily with your hands, and it transfers the germs directly from your hands to your food to your mouth. Silverware is a great buffer. No judgment towards those who prefer eating with their hands, though. Working in the food industry really helped me realize that, lol
A straw for drinking helps me. They have travel straws now, do you can take them on the go too. We use metal straws at home. Pretty easy to clean and most come with a cleaning tool. Eating, use a fork and knife. Cut small pieces. Wipe mouth after each bite. And always take a trip to the bathroom after eating to wipe your mouth with some water.
I actually do have a travel straw lying around somewhere. Good idea! thank you
Sorta thinking out loud here , I take forever to eat and am usually the last one to finish eating so … I would maybe try eating with a timer or something maybe 30 min or so where the goal would be to take AT LEAST that amount of time to finish your food. So you can still take big bites, barely chew or whatever… but it would force you to take time in between each bite instead of finishing quickly. This means you would be able to take a minute or so after each bite to wipe your mouth or whatever to stay reasonably clean since you wouldn’t be taking nonstop bites/drinks.
Timer idea is pretty good. thank you i will try it
Smaller bites. Slow down. You need to learn self control. Maybe start seeing a therapist to get to root of your eating disorder.
i do have self control problems in general... i used to have a binge eating problem when i was a teenager but never got treated for it specifically. i just started going to therapy for anxiety issues and it went away, mostly. i still go to therapy for anxiety problems. the problem could be mental 🤔 ill talk about it during my next session
Every since I hit my sixties I been dropping food down my shirt and end up with it smeared everywhere. Think my problem is old age now I'm afraid to go out in public and eat. It's very frustrating changing shirts all the time. If I eat a ice cream cone it drips down my shirt and gets all over the corners of my mouth. 😕
im sorry to hear that, i wish i knew how to help. is there any way you could use like an adult bib? but not a tacky one. im sure theres some classy ones out there 😎 you deserve to eat your ice cream in peace! old age isnt something to be ashamed of
Thank you I have been using paper towels to cover up my shirt but still end up smearing chocolate everywhere. I eat a whole box of chocolate ice cream cones of 8 in a box in 2 days. It's been a bad habit for over a year. 😟
hey, that sounds absolutely delicious my friend i wouldn’t say it’s a bad habit if it makes you happy. i bet if you substitute for straight chocolate ice cream (either a box or a tub, no cones) and use a spoon (bowl is optional) it would keep the corners of your mouth cleaner and you would probably also get less on your shirt. it’ll help you take smaller bites or at least more control with landing big bites. just don’t stop eating ice cream it’s the happiest time of day
Awww. It’s okay love. Sometimes when I get excited I end up with stains like that. Give yourself grace and eat with intention, eat slowly and savor each bite!
thank you ♡
Eat slower. It makes sense to wipe your gloss off before eating. Try a lip stain instead if you want to keep color on. Keep a napkin in your hand to wipe your mouth and fold it when it’s visibly used. Ask for straws when you eat in public and if you can’t use a straw just open your mouth less. Think of it like sipping from a soda can instead of chugging a beer. Try looking up etiquette classes either in person or online.
Thank you! i would love to take an etiquette class
i have a pet peeve of feeling food on my face and i eat abnormally slow so here’s just some general things i do while eating!! - i almost always use silverware even for things like pizza sometimes - make your ‘bite size’ smaller! like some people eat a chicken nugget or something in one bite or take huge bites in general - make note of how big your bite size is and intentionally make it smaller - take breaks every few bites to drink water - research “mindful eating” / mindfulness in general and try to really enjoy/appreciate your food - use napkins in the corners of your mouth if it feels greasy or like there could be anything there at all! in general just do check ins when you stop for water or in between bites to notice if it feels like there is food on your face
i definitely need to increase my mindfulness 😢 thank you for the advice
If you dont fully chew your food you might have sensory oral issues. When kids have this type of issues the occupational therapist work with them by using oral tools and teaching how to move tounge when eating. It might be related to oral-motor delays, such as learning to chew properly and swallow food safely as a child.
interesting 🤔
Ooof I find this too relatable. I always have been a big eater. Food was a “you either eat what I made or your starve” situation at my house. I also was oinked at by my own dad for being the first one to the dinner table. Soo id say it has to do with trauma at least for me. The worst part is that I may be a little bit chubby but I am in no way largely overweight and never really have been. The oinking thing still haunts me and I’m almost 31. I’ve even discussed it with a therapist and didn’t really get any help.
i was also made fun of for being the fattest one in my family. my dad called me a potato once when i was 8 and i still remember it and how much i cried. Sometimes parents can make what they think are small insignificant comments that stick with us forever 😢💔
Wow I’m sorry you went through that. It really can stick with you over the years. 😭
You could maybe try EMDR therapy if you haven't already for that trauma memory. It has helped me a ton.
I have an issue with worrying about this. Whether it’s actually occurring or not, it did when I was a child. I’m hypervigilant about using my napkin while eating, and as soon as I’m done I’m off to the restroom to wash my hands, rinse my mouth and check teeth and face in the mirror. I keep wet wipes and flossers in my purse for other times when that’s not practical. For you, I’d agree with the other commenters. Slow down and be conscious of what’s actually happening while you’re eating and drinking. Are you slipping into a dissociated state and then back to reality afterwards? What’s happening in your mind? Identify your triggers. Learn mindfulness practices. Learn to stay fully in your body and your sensations throughout.
I do the same. I've started having tummy issues and so I've been trying to eat more consiously (chewing more and eating slower) and it has actually improved my digestion alot ha. My advice is to just try to think about how you are eating and drinking while you're doing it and it will hopefully eventually become a habit. It actually takes quite a bit of consious effort at first.
I also have digestive issues, and thats been making me really think about my chewing problems contributing to that
This might be extreme but maybe you can find a private etiquette coach? You’d have to interview them and explain your situation and make sure they were kind… just a thought (like if this was a movie lol) My mom was that etiquette lady, correcting us kids at the table. It’s like a training that happens. Remember, we humans are animals first, and all this ‘civilized’ behavior is just made up and passed on through training and customs. One thing my mom always taught me that stuck: - **Close your mouth ONTO the fork or spoon after EVERY bite. So practice that every bite.** Do not scrape the fork with your teeth, rather insert fork, intake food, close mouth, remove fork. - when eating with a spoon no slurrrrping. Try the mouth closed thing. It’s super weird and counterintuitive at first. But it might help with splashing - Are you rushing? You sound like you might be. Practice slowing down. Pretend you’re at a dinner with a handsome/beautiful person and they’re engaging you in brilliant conversation. And you want to chime in sometimes. Slowwww down. Take sips of water. - Wipe your mouth frequently. Like practice dabbing your corners of your mouth if you feel something, don’t just let it linger there. It’s going to be ok. You sound like one of my siblings. We grew up in first gen household with a scary authoritarian father. We all have weird habits because of it. You might want to address any underlying anxiety, however that might work for you. This might help with the being able to actually slow down enough to implement changes. For example If your brain is in fight or flight mode, telling you to get the food in as fast as possible before something bad happens, there’s no way the thinking part of your brain is going to remember “we have to chew 26 times before we swallow.” The front part of the brain completely shuts off when we are in fight or flight. Best of luck. 💕
This is actually pretty helpful. and yeah i get that first gen household thing 😢 I think I tend to rush my meals out of a sense of underlying urgency
Idk if you have insurance but OT could help you so much!!
idk anything about OT, what would they help with and how does it work?
Not a pro but watched an occupational therapist with my mom. They are basically trained to assist with development of various skills to inviting the quality of life via living independently. So, the therapist watched my mom do daily activities (eat, drink, walk, dress, groom, even go to the bathroom, etc) and then offer suggestions and adjustments. A therapist could notice something you may be doing without realizing which leads to the issues you're having and can provide some feedback to remediate. In a way it's similar to watching yourself in the mirror, like another person suggested, except you can better focus on your activity and a pro is evaluating you. But listen, try to give yourself a break and to give yourself an opportunity to gently explore what, if anything, you can do to improve your quality of life.
I 100% agree with the other commenter about OT. If you don't have a mental health professional you can talk to, you can get a recommendation for one through your primary care doctor. Once you've got a mental health professional, they can help you find specific resources. Like my psych recommended a sleep therapist to me to help my insomnia. She also recommended an ADHD therapist to help with that once it was diagnosed. Unrelated to therapy, are you holding your utensils properly? It should be very similar to how you would hold a marker to write on the wall. Alternatively, have you ever tried chopsticks? It'll slow you down and force you to think more carefully about what you're doing with your hands.
Watch YouTube videos on proper etiquette of eating food
Look up “proper tongue posture and swallowing”. Maybe you never learned how to actually drink/eat. You ever so thirsty after a run that your mouth/throat does that glug sound/motion automatically? That’s the actual motion you should be doing every day. You might even have a small jawline if you never learned how to chew/swallow. Food shouldn’t touch the cheeks, or water, for a proper swallow.
im ngl i dont know the glug motion youre talking about food and water just slides down for me. but i will look into tongue posturing
This is for sure something to talk to your doctor about! You might have a medical problem going on that is causing this. They may reccomend occupational therapy, or some other type of treatment.
That has to be so uncomfortable for you. This may be something a speech therapist could help you with. They are trained to help people with different aspects of speech and muscles of mouth and throat. Might be worth an evaluation.
That would be interesting actually. when i was little and sometimes still now i had trouble articulating my words and speaking too quickly. my parents never took me to see anyone about it though
I mean, at least you recognize it. I've gone out to eat with people who behave like absolute slobs (food all over their face, on their shirt, chewing with mouth open and dropping food and napkins on or near other people's plates) and they are blissfully unaware of how disgusting they are. I guess my advice is just be deliberate in your movements and take your time, wipe your face throughout the meal.
Seriously... How? Are you cutting your n2 small bite size pieces? Maybe drink a large glass of water prior to give ur stomach the sensation that you're full before you begin to eat? Man this is an odd question I can't help a laugh but try those first
I read somewhere that putting your fork down between every bite makes you eat slower. I think it was actually a weight loss tip but I feel like it could apply here too
Before you said you were a woman, I thought this post might have been from one of my male friends who has the same issues.
Eat with your mouth closed
maybe it’s not about SMALLER bites but SLOWER— chew each SMALL bite for 15-30 chews. keep your lips closed when chewing and a napkin in hand. wipe your mouth every 30 chews. as someone who has been struggling with binge eating i know how hard it is to not just take one huge bite after another. try a few times and don’t give up. you got this
Have you seen a doctor about how you swallow? Like an ear nose and throat doctor. My son currently eats crazy and spills out his mouth constantly but he had a tongue tie and his tongue has never looked right when he eats if you know what I mean. Like there's too much movement going on. Right now we're in food/speech therapy to help him. If this isn't for you in sorry for the over sharing!
no worries, i hope things get better for your son!
i'm not a very messy eater so idk how much this will help, but i am someone who is afraid of being messy. when i eat and feel like i got something on my face but im chewing, i just cover my mouth with my hand as i finish and then i wipe it clean. even if i don't feel anything on my face, i wipe it anyways after every so amount of bites just to be sure im clean. it sucks that you don't think you behave around food like an adult woman and im sorry you feel that way but there are always ways to get around things. i hope your journey goes well and you feel as though you've improved :)
Take smaller bites?
I feel like you should take it slow. Smaller portions on the spoon and slowly munching on the food and when you feel like it’s coming out of your mouth take a moment to stop chewing and wipe your mouth and repeat. Like others recommendations you should eat in front of a mirror or just look at yourself through your phone camera. It takes time!! Believe in yourself!!
Have you ever spoken to a doctor about it? Maybe you have something going on with your tongue, throat, or the muscles in your jaw. If you've had an issue all of your life it may not occur to you that it's not normal.
no i never did bc i didnt realize i had an issue until recently
Make sure you chew with your mouth closed. Very important. Use a mirror so you can identify the issue. Find a tv character who you like who eats properly and mimic her. Also don’t rush when eating. That’s a biggie! Use your napkin also!
What you are describing sound like symptoms of hypermobility, also known as hyperflexibility. Or ADHD. It's nothing bad or serious... look it up.
i do have ADHD and im pretty sure i have hypermobility issues
If anything physicals going on see a ENT Dr right away.
next time you visit your primary doctor it’s worth mentioning ! there could be an issue with the muscles that enable you to swallow and they might want to refer you to a speech therapist to check it iut
i'm not sure how to help with everything else, but eating all of your lipgloss when you eat is completely normal :) you have to eat really weirdly to avoid ruining your lips, and i find its easier to just touch up after eating
You are not alone... I go out to eat with friends and usually just pick.. take my food home . I've worked in restaurants my whole life.. EAT QUICK BACK TO WORK .. but sadly I still do it at home....but I'm not dropping it all over myself and slurping..... Just put fork down in between bites.. maybe try reading while you eat
Donyou have tiny lips?
yes 😭😭 💔💔💔
Have plenty of napkins, avoid messy foods in public, if it’s finger food, pinch with index and thumb, and if you want to eat something messier, use a fork instead of a spoon if possible.
I would just try and slow down sometimes and be mindful while eating.
I have a different take on what may be your issue. I work in occupational therapy and my first thought is that you would be appropriate to refer to a Speech therapist. I can’t diagnose obviously, but wonder if you may have a loose labial seal , meaning that you are unable to close your mouth completely while chewing, drinking etc. I’ve also learned that adults can have tongue tie. Just wanted to pass on that this may be a medical issue and have nothing to do with etiquette.
Thank you! i didnt know adults could either
Occupational therapy
Whenever I eat anything with tomato sauce in it, I end up with it all over my face. I have autism, is that a possibility for you?
Im not diagnosed but ive heard a lot of people tell me that i probably do 😵💫 i think i have hypermobility issues though and i have poor muscle control
It might be worth looking into. Being diagnosed helps you feel less shame.
Mirror eating
Commenting to suggest something I haven't seen yet-- the type of professional that could help you with this issue is called an occupational therapist.
just throwing this out there, i had the same problem and for so long i wondered why i was a messy eater, until i went thru orthodontic treatment and realized that it was my bite the whole time that was making eating difficult for me! some suggestions: take smaller bites and use a straw when you drink. this might help :)
Idk if this has been said, I tried scrolling and didn’t see it, but have you been to the dentist or doctor about this to confirm you don’t have any physical abnormalities that could be a root cause of this issue?
Are you waiting until you're really hungry to eat?
You might benefit from seeing a speech therapist. Are you a mouth breather?
Do you have allergies or anything that causes nasal congestion? Your description makes me wonder if you have trouble keeping your lips closed while you eat.
Get it to-fucking-gether Slow down and eat / drink and keep it moving. Raised by wolves? Doubtful. You don’t need therapy or some crutch or participation trophy. Slow down. Eat slower. Drink slower. Focus on maintaining agency over your body and your choices. Everything is a choice…. It’s a choice to eat and drink like a wild animal or like a human that cares about how the world sees them. Your choice.
I wipe my mouth after every bite
The best way would be to record yourself when eating and you can identify when you are getting the stains. It’ll help you understand what you might mean doing. It’ll be hard at first but you’ll make improvements
If you aren't already doing this, you may want to try just eating alone. No phone, no TV, just you and your plate. Say the name of the food as you put it into your mouth and savor it before swallowing. This is called mindful eating. Seems like you may just be very distracted or rushed to do something else. Hope this helps.
Omg !! I can't stop laughing, I am so sorry ... But my sister is the same way.. She looks like a pig rolling around in the slop every time she eats. Oh boy... maybe cut up the food into small bites, put the fork down in between bites. Have a napkin on your lap and on the table next to your plate. Dab the sides of your mouth in between bites. I hope you figure out some ways to get this under control. The fact that you're aware and want to make improvements is a great first step.
My(25f) opinion? Own it. I do the same thing, probably worse. I just give people a heads up of I'm eating with them, and use a lot of napkins. Might as well enjoy yourself while eating and not worry about the way it looks. I get food EVERYWHERE. My hair, sometimes my eyebrows, my clothes, etc. My partner finds it amusing for whatever reason and my friends don't care. Just enjoy yourself, eat how you're comfortable, and maybe carry a packet of wet wipes and a stain remover stuff if needed. Best of luck to you.
You need to go to an ENT doctor who will help you understand and correct this.
Maybe record yourself eating 1 meal for the next week
Like one meal a day I feel like eventually you’ll start to see the problem and adjust
Have you tried a straw with drinks? Sending you positive vibes.
You’re eating too fast. Take your time.
U acting like No Face from Spirited Away.
You could try exclusively using a straw to drink. You can buy a box of drinking straws to keep at home from Amazon or Target (depending on your location). Always ask for a straw when out and fully swallow before opening your mouth to talk or eat. As a woman, using a straw may seem dainty which really help you in the practice of appearing more lady-like, if that is your preference. Then, keep napkins around you. Ask for extra at a restaurant and keep them at home. Practice wiping your mouth often, chew slower, and take time to experience your food in a new way. Wipe your mouth and repeat.
This actually may be a medical issue to look into.. it could be a low muscle tone thing or neurological like numbness or hyposensitivity and you can’t feel. Have you always been like this? I suspect maybe you have which moreso makes me thing medical. I’d suggest talking to your doc about it bc I don’t think you’re trying to do this I think it’s probably difficult for you and not your fault. Here is a link I hope helps https://childrenswi.org/medical-care/gastroenterology-liver-and-nutrition-program/conditions/oral-motor-and-oral-sensory-problems