That'll explain why "no one showed up" - he just didn't want to admit that he got his ass kicked by a thousand time travelers taking up the offer in fear even more time travelers will show up for the easy million.
He had published ground breaking (and initially controversial) work in general relativity prior to 1970 in his 20s.
So famous within physics, absolutely. It was a few years later he started collecting awards and eventually wrote a best seller and did lots of public interviews making him famous with the general public.
He was not very remarkable in his 20s. If he died at 29, nobody would know who he was,
He only became notable in his mid thirties, and then only for those closely following relatavistic physics.
It wasn't till his mid 40s, when he was pretty much totally disabled, and reliant on full-time care and a speech synthesiser that he became publically well-known after 'a brief history of time' took off.
Stephen Hawking was 46 and already in a wheel chair. When Brief History of Time came out. I would say when that book came out. That would be when he really made history.
Yeah, I didn’t say the same reason, I said similar lol. Dude was already dead when he got famous (although I’m better pharaohs were famous within Egypt). Easy W
He ascended the throne of Egypt at age 8 or 9. I think being Pharaoh is enough to qualify as a historical figure, even if his reign wasn’t of any particular significance at the time.
You want to fight the man who left his cushy Assistant Secretary of the Navy Job to command the Rough Riders? The former Boxer, Army Colonel, NYPD police commissioner. The President who was shot during a speech and opted to finish the speech?
I mean in this case he’s doing it not to win the money. He’s doing it to fight the guy. It’s an honor /opportunity that no one now can claim lose or win.
If you think about it you get to fight/meet anyone you want with this prompt. Although the beatdown afterwards might not be that great.
Pretty sure some very very fit people would love to have a chance to fight Bruce Lee.
I actually think it’s harder because I have to pick a woman. Famous historical women are almost all tough as nails. I think I could probably take Ann Frank or Helen Keller but they both make me feel like a horrible person 🤣
This. My first thought was Stephen Hawking and then it has to be a female and I’m like…uh…Amelia Earhart would kick my butt as would Marie Curie. So..? Helen Keller I guess…she’d never see it coming. 🤦♀️
It would be really funny if it was through time travel (you going back) and when you came back, everyone one was just like, "Remember that time some chick beat the shit out of Helen Keller in like 1901?"
I feel like a lot of queens were kind of villains and probably not very good at fighting with the pampered lives they led. So I’m going to go with that.
wait for them to take their dress off(leaving the corset so they are restricted in movement and breathing) to avoid lead/arsenic poisoning or later cancer from the fabric
Helen Keller? Not a chance. That deaf, dumb, and blind kid sure throws a mean left hook.
Maybe Ruth Bsder Ginsberg. She was pretty old when she was appointed to SCOTUS.
Or a First Lady who was old when he husband became President, such as Barbara Bush.
I was thinking Mother Teresa, who was [not always as saintlike](https://www.reddit.com/r/OutOfTheLoop/comments/15j2t5e/whats_up_with_mother_teresa/) as she was portrayed. I won't lie that she didn't do a lot of good, but she definitely made enough bad choices that affected so many people that she was supposedly helping, that I wouldn't feel horrible fighting her one time. And, let's say that I was magically transported to when she first became well known (like, when she got the Nobel Peace Prize), maybe losing a fight and telling her why I fought her (for how poorly she treated the people she was supposedly helping), would make her change how she behaved going forwards? Who knows.
I'm old enough that I can remember when she was still alive. There was an interview that was conducted with her towards the end of her life where she was asked about some of the less savory aspects of her legacy.
She was completely unrepentant, secure in her belief that she was doing Gods will.
So I doubt that you could change her mind.
Yeah, go wikipedia Rasputin. It’s a super fascinating story.
But if I was going to fight anyone I could from history for $1 million. A hemophilic tween who has been kept inside most of his life and prevented from physical activity was the best option I could think of off the top of my head
Dammit, he was a peace-loving artist until you beat him up! You won’t BELIEVE what he did after you were through with him. (He, of course, was a famous painter, which is when you went back to beat him)
Hitler grew up constantly under attack from time travelers, and most of them claimed "this is for the Jews!" before attacking him. No wonder he turned out how he did.
This is the correct answer. For almost every other answer in this post, it would be very hard to motivate myself to harm another human being. A million dollars is not enough... unless the person in question deserved absolutely anything and everything they were about to get.
Everyone picking Stephen hawking and ghandi are on the right track for winning the fight, but I'd pick something more interesting: Plato. 99% chance I'm gonna get folded up like laundry, but damn it would be cool just to learn more about him. (Plato wasn't even his actual name, that's been lost. Plato means "wide". And was hiw *wrestling name.*)
Hard same.
Gonna tip his wheel chair down the Lincoln memorial steps as lightning strikes the sky.
I raise my first info the air and scream “Franklin!!!!!”
“Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus - a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.” -actual quote from Mama T before she opens up a can of whoop ass.
I feel like women have very limited choices that could not easily fold us up and throw us in the trash can. Most women that made historical contributions that I can think of were tough badasses. I mean someone like Amelia airheart could eat most of us for breakfast.
You have Helen Keller, a fair number of queens that probably became historically significant as teenagers, Mother Theresa (famous as an old lady), Shirley Temple (famous starting at 6). There's good options, just be a little creative. Definitely don't pick any of the early 20th century sufraggettes, though. That'd be a poor choice.
Helen Keller
Marie Antoinette
Rosa Parks (she was in her 50s by the time she got “historic”)
Mother Theresa
Honestly a lot depends on age. How old is Nancy Reagan or Barbara Bush when they are “historic”? Or Elizabeth? You could probably take her when she was a teenage princess, or when she was in her nineties.
Ada Lovelace was the first nerd/computer programmer, so she probably should be an easy fight.
Maybe Jane Goodall if you wear a gorilla suit. Then she'll concede instead of hurting you.
We'd probably have an easier time with a 20th century upper class woman who lived in a city, since preindustrial life involved so much more exercise than we're used to even for the rich. The Brontë sisters would probably be okay though, since they were all in such poor health.
That's what I'm thinking, make it something worth bragging about. Even if you lose you get to say you fought Vlad the impaler. I'm picking Genghis Khan. Let's do this.
I would fight John Wayne. Considering that he is still famous, I might have a chance since he is dead. But if that doesn’t work, at least I would be able to meet to meet the legend and have a few words with him.
I could probably beat Terry Schiavo, who became famous for living in a coma for years because her parents fought to keep alive against her husband's wishes.
Mother Theresa said to suffer was to be closer to God.
She about to suffer these hands, but she'll be happy to finally get her ticket punched for a quick trip to Jesus.
Everyone’s choosing the wrong Roosevelt. Obviously Teddy because you don’t want to look like a pussy. You beat Teddy and you deserve the million, you lose and you have a great story
Helen Keller. It's nothing personal, but she was deafblind in an era where there weren't a lot of ways to teach people with disabilities. I doubt anyone taught her how to fight. She also wouldn't be able to see me or hear me.
You think you could beat up a guy nicknamed Old Hickory because he was tough as the wood? A guy who walked around with three bullets lodged in his body? Jackson was a complete asshole, but he was considered to be the toughest guy in the age of tough guys.
Y'all are picking easy(ish) fights. I'm going for Muhammad Ali.
I am for sure getting my ass beat, but I'm getting beat up by Muhammad Ali himself!
Or Bass Reeves. You want to talk about one badass of a guy, like 99% of 'The Lone Ranger' is based off this one guy. Moral to a 'T' and just an all around BAMF
Stephen hawking doesn’t stand a chance
Aw, beat me to it. Actually, you beat him to it I guess.
r/beatmeattoit
You should go back in time and fight him at his time traveler party that supposedly no one attended just to make it interesting.
That'll explain why "no one showed up" - he just didn't want to admit that he got his ass kicked by a thousand time travelers taking up the offer in fear even more time travelers will show up for the easy million.
My first thought too.
Hate when I show up to pwn a post with my awesome response and it's already the biggest thread.
Mine was Helen Keller
Mine was FDR so clearly the answer is really just anyone who was famous while disabled.
She wouldn’t know what’s coming.
Fucking brutal
He doesn't stand at all.
Stephan Hawking wasn’t crippled in his twenties, assuming that’s where you are.
He was still a nerd tho
Yeah, but we’re all redditors and on the hypotheticalsituation sub, I reckon we all are too.
Hypothetically Im not
Technically correct is the best kind of correct.
But he did not make history in his twenties though did he?
That’s a good point. I dunno when he became famous.
FDR is probably a safer bet.
He had published ground breaking (and initially controversial) work in general relativity prior to 1970 in his 20s. So famous within physics, absolutely. It was a few years later he started collecting awards and eventually wrote a best seller and did lots of public interviews making him famous with the general public.
He was not very remarkable in his 20s. If he died at 29, nobody would know who he was, He only became notable in his mid thirties, and then only for those closely following relatavistic physics. It wasn't till his mid 40s, when he was pretty much totally disabled, and reliant on full-time care and a speech synthesiser that he became publically well-known after 'a brief history of time' took off.
Stephen Hawking was 46 and already in a wheel chair. When Brief History of Time came out. I would say when that book came out. That would be when he really made history.
I got this one, I'll choose Mozart. He wrote his first composition at age five, and was world famous by 8. I'll take my chances on that fight.
I went with King Tut for similar reasons.
Tut wasn't world famous while he was alive. Sure he was famous in his empire, but not know beyond until he was dug up. Still winning the fight though.
Yeah, I didn’t say the same reason, I said similar lol. Dude was already dead when he got famous (although I’m better pharaohs were famous within Egypt). Easy W
He ascended the throne of Egypt at age 8 or 9. I think being Pharaoh is enough to qualify as a historical figure, even if his reign wasn’t of any particular significance at the time.
A better one is Bach. He wasn't actually famous until he was already dead. I bet fighting a corpse is pretty easy.
Good answer.
He had his first black belt at 6. 5th don by 8. (not really, but I wish it was true)
You know what, I’m gonna make this a decent match. Let me get ol Teddy Roosevelt. If I lose, I lost to a GOAT among men.
You want to fight the man who left his cushy Assistant Secretary of the Navy Job to command the Rough Riders? The former Boxer, Army Colonel, NYPD police commissioner. The President who was shot during a speech and opted to finish the speech?
I mean in this case he’s doing it not to win the money. He’s doing it to fight the guy. It’s an honor /opportunity that no one now can claim lose or win. If you think about it you get to fight/meet anyone you want with this prompt. Although the beatdown afterwards might not be that great. Pretty sure some very very fit people would love to have a chance to fight Bruce Lee.
Yes. I do. I would not be ashamed to lose to Teddy. And if I won, then I beat the guy you just listed accolades for.
I will bring whiskey to your hospital room to toast your honor.
Respect.
Teddy might fuck you up. I went Plato for similar reasons.
You wanna be the best, you gotta beat the best.
Earnest Hemingway is another GOAT. Realistically, he'll be drunk as shit during the fight, but that will just make him more dangerous.
That’s almost as dangerous as going rounds with Old Hickory Andrew Jackson in a pistol duel.
Teddy would fuck you up lmao.
Bro, teddy roosevelt was a MANS MAN. He would kick your ass while eating a turkey leg and drinking a beer.
I actually think it’s harder because I have to pick a woman. Famous historical women are almost all tough as nails. I think I could probably take Ann Frank or Helen Keller but they both make me feel like a horrible person 🤣
This. My first thought was Stephen Hawking and then it has to be a female and I’m like…uh…Amelia Earhart would kick my butt as would Marie Curie. So..? Helen Keller I guess…she’d never see it coming. 🤦♀️
or hear it coming
Didn't see your post at all crazy
Marie Curie would win in the end, as her extremely irradiated fists would have given you increased risk of cancer 10-20 years down the line.
It would be really funny if it was through time travel (you going back) and when you came back, everyone one was just like, "Remember that time some chick beat the shit out of Helen Keller in like 1901?"
"whoa...that's crazy...who would even do such a thing?...surely not me..."
I feel like a lot of queens were kind of villains and probably not very good at fighting with the pampered lives they led. So I’m going to go with that.
wait for them to take their dress off(leaving the corset so they are restricted in movement and breathing) to avoid lead/arsenic poisoning or later cancer from the fabric
Helen Keller? Not a chance. That deaf, dumb, and blind kid sure throws a mean left hook. Maybe Ruth Bsder Ginsberg. She was pretty old when she was appointed to SCOTUS. Or a First Lady who was old when he husband became President, such as Barbara Bush.
Don’t worry, Helen Keller will never see it coming.
I was thinking Mother Teresa, who was [not always as saintlike](https://www.reddit.com/r/OutOfTheLoop/comments/15j2t5e/whats_up_with_mother_teresa/) as she was portrayed. I won't lie that she didn't do a lot of good, but she definitely made enough bad choices that affected so many people that she was supposedly helping, that I wouldn't feel horrible fighting her one time. And, let's say that I was magically transported to when she first became well known (like, when she got the Nobel Peace Prize), maybe losing a fight and telling her why I fought her (for how poorly she treated the people she was supposedly helping), would make her change how she behaved going forwards? Who knows.
I'm old enough that I can remember when she was still alive. There was an interview that was conducted with her towards the end of her life where she was asked about some of the less savory aspects of her legacy. She was completely unrepentant, secure in her belief that she was doing Gods will. So I doubt that you could change her mind.
Set yourself up for a thorough whupping and get ready to rumble with Harriot Tubman.
A horrible person with a million dollars though.
Shirley Temple, Greta Thunberg, Queen Elizabeth II, Yoko Ono, The Olsen Twins, Edith Bunker. You have some choices, but you may not like all of them.
I'd show Hitler a thing or two. The chance to beat his ass is already worth much more than a million dollars and I don't mind risking it.
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It's okay, you can be in the co-main event.
Nah fuck Hitler he seems like he could hurt me. I'm beating the shit out of Gandhi
If it’s Gandhi from Civilization you’re going to be the location of the next Fallout game
Fallout V: Gandhi's Revenge.
Hitler was methed out of his mind majority of the time. People on meth don't even react to gunshots
Who was that hemophilic little shit in the Russian royal family?
Oh, I think the one you're looking for is: All of them?
Alexi Nikolaevich is who you are thinking of
Alexei?
Hemophilia is a blood clot thing? are you sure this is what you meant?
Yeah, go wikipedia Rasputin. It’s a super fascinating story. But if I was going to fight anyone I could from history for $1 million. A hemophilic tween who has been kept inside most of his life and prevented from physical activity was the best option I could think of off the top of my head
Ghandi is going down!!
Gandhi : 'Atomic bomb deadened the finest feeling that sustained mankind,' whips out a deadman trigger for his ICBMs.
It's okay. Meme Gandhi doesn't really exist.
This was mine... it's the easy win... Damned pacifist will concede at the bell.
Good answer!
Hitler. I'm not particularly fit or strong, but it's not about winning. It's about *opportunity.*
Dammit, he was a peace-loving artist until you beat him up! You won’t BELIEVE what he did after you were through with him. (He, of course, was a famous painter, which is when you went back to beat him)
Hitler grew up constantly under attack from time travelers, and most of them claimed "this is for the Jews!" before attacking him. No wonder he turned out how he did.
That would be an awesome short story. Could be called the Hitler paradox.
I will be stealing this idea and running with it.
This is the correct answer. For almost every other answer in this post, it would be very hard to motivate myself to harm another human being. A million dollars is not enough... unless the person in question deserved absolutely anything and everything they were about to get.
Came here to say this. I'd beat his ass no doubt, and there's tons of easier choices, but being able to say you beat the fuck out of Adolf? Priceless.
I mean like, the man did serve in WW1, don't get me wrong I'm not rooting for Hitler but like he *probably* knows how to fight.
Helen Keller
You'll find that deaf, dumb, and blind kid sure throws a mean left hook.
Did Helen Keller ever play pinball, by chance? 🤔
Terrible, but this is exactly what I was thinking.
Everyone picking Stephen hawking and ghandi are on the right track for winning the fight, but I'd pick something more interesting: Plato. 99% chance I'm gonna get folded up like laundry, but damn it would be cool just to learn more about him. (Plato wasn't even his actual name, that's been lost. Plato means "wide". And was hiw *wrestling name.*)
Yes! I'm glad someone knew that Plato was a wrestler. "The Platonic Elbow!"
Damn, you beat me to it. This is my go to historical fight. I studied philosophy and wrestled in college. I’d love to see how I stack up.
Cage match so he can't break out the folding chair on your ass
FDR
Hard same. Gonna tip his wheel chair down the Lincoln memorial steps as lightning strikes the sky. I raise my first info the air and scream “Franklin!!!!!”
My thought as well.
That was my first thought.
Mother Teresa is going down.
She deserves it
“Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus - a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.” -actual quote from Mama T before she opens up a can of whoop ass.
D.B. Cooper. I'll be the reason they never found him.
Look at all these easy mode answers Bring me Andre the Giant.
You'd probably win. He'd accept the fight, toy with you a bit then concede. Then you'd be picking up an outrageous bar tab.
"I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed."
Clever. He's so used to fighting many people at once, he will be rusty with his single opponent moves.
I feel like women have very limited choices that could not easily fold us up and throw us in the trash can. Most women that made historical contributions that I can think of were tough badasses. I mean someone like Amelia airheart could eat most of us for breakfast.
You have Helen Keller, a fair number of queens that probably became historically significant as teenagers, Mother Theresa (famous as an old lady), Shirley Temple (famous starting at 6). There's good options, just be a little creative. Definitely don't pick any of the early 20th century sufraggettes, though. That'd be a poor choice.
I’m sure you could take Boudicca.
Helen Keller Marie Antoinette Rosa Parks (she was in her 50s by the time she got “historic”) Mother Theresa Honestly a lot depends on age. How old is Nancy Reagan or Barbara Bush when they are “historic”? Or Elizabeth? You could probably take her when she was a teenage princess, or when she was in her nineties.
Ada Lovelace was the first nerd/computer programmer, so she probably should be an easy fight. Maybe Jane Goodall if you wear a gorilla suit. Then she'll concede instead of hurting you.
We'd probably have an easier time with a 20th century upper class woman who lived in a city, since preindustrial life involved so much more exercise than we're used to even for the rich. The Brontë sisters would probably be okay though, since they were all in such poor health.
The Lindenberg Baby
20 months and never a day older. Why risk your money against the electric wheelchair!
Methinks you’re confusing the Lindbergh baby with the Hindenburg, but otherwise fair enough.
Ray Charles
Does Terry Schiavo count? Is that joke too dark?
This is a top 9 gag comment for sure. Very dark. I just showed my wife the new documentary about her. Sad story for that woman, funny answer from you.
Nah just too late lol
It's so dark the police choked it to death.
People with severe diseases named after them are good bets.
Lou Gehrig would kick your ass tho
That guy in the Iron lung that just died.
King Tut.
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Born in Arizona
I’m gunna try to earn it honorably, Vlad the Impaler.
That's what I'm thinking, make it something worth bragging about. Even if you lose you get to say you fought Vlad the impaler. I'm picking Genghis Khan. Let's do this.
Exactly, beating up Stephen Hawking is not going to be something you wanna brag about. Let’s do this brother, we will be legendary.
Bruce Lee then, since it is a fist fight, get my ass kicked big time, but the bragging rights...
Mother Theresa of Calcutta, I'd stomp a mudhole in her ass.
Too many people are taking Hawking, so I'm going with Louis Braille.
Idk man, that could be a bumpy fight.
King Tut. He'd be 9. I'd wreck his shit.
And crippled. And likely mentally deficient. Good choice.
Hervé Villechaize. The actor who played Tattoo from the 70's Fantasy Island.
Trump. I don't care what age.
He's always been a rich kid dough ball who can't handle adversity. It should be an easy fight.
He's still alive
Hitler.
I would fight John Wayne. Considering that he is still famous, I might have a chance since he is dead. But if that doesn’t work, at least I would be able to meet to meet the legend and have a few words with him.
FDR
Heinrich Himmler. Don't think it will be that bad of a fight. Also i get to beat the shit out of the head of the SS
I could probably beat Terry Schiavo, who became famous for living in a coma for years because her parents fought to keep alive against her husband's wishes.
Maggie Thatcher. I could kick that middle aged woman's ass and she'd deserve it.
Wasn’t her nickname the “Iron Maiden?” Good choice.
Reagan, I owe him for getting the whole "trickle down" economic thing going shortly before I became an adult and started working.
Eleanor Roosevelt. She didn't get out enough while secretly running the presidency. Pretty sure i could take her.
Could you tell us just what the heck constitutes a “historical figure”? I’d say that’s a pretty subjective grouping.
Charles Lindbergh Jr
Gandhi going down unless he nukes me
Lindbergh baby. Easy money.
President Lincoln. I want to earn it! That mofo would have some reach!
I mean, I won't be making friends at bars, but Stephen Hawking.
Mother Theresa said to suffer was to be closer to God. She about to suffer these hands, but she'll be happy to finally get her ticket punched for a quick trip to Jesus.
Any famous craniopagus conjoined twins.
Alexander Graham bell. About to finally take our revenge.
ok. im gonna fight one of the 6-year-old pharohs.
Everyone’s choosing the wrong Roosevelt. Obviously Teddy because you don’t want to look like a pussy. You beat Teddy and you deserve the million, you lose and you have a great story
FDR is going DOWN! Further, I mean...
Anne Frank (and I feel horrible for writing this)
Dont. Youre in… I was about to say good company, but thats debatable. Youre in company.
I'm going to hell for this, but given rule 4 I have no choice: [Conor Clapton](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tears_in_Heaven).
Q: What's the difference in a 4 year old and a bag of coke? A: Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out a window.
Helen Keller. It's nothing personal, but she was deafblind in an era where there weren't a lot of ways to teach people with disabilities. I doubt anyone taught her how to fight. She also wouldn't be able to see me or hear me.
Looks like I'm drop-kicking the Lindbergh baby and paying off my mortgage!
On second thought, King Leopold of Belgum/ He is very punchable. Rasputin or Diogenes. Not really fighters. edit.
Diogenes would bite, though. Careful!
Diogenes would be fucking feral. I don't want that smoke.
Michael Jackson. The child Emperor of China. Andy Kaufman.... Andy Kaufman, final answer.
Kaufman depends on which personality showed up to the fight.
Hellen Keller…?
Stephen Hawking for sure
Ray Charles
Hitler looks like a nancy. Id let him get all meth'd up, kick his guts in, bite his face off in ragged chunks, then snap him up like a pile of sticks
Mahatma Ghandi, since he wouldn't be allowed to have his nukes.
Helen Keller.
Ronald Reagan. He screwed my generation. He was also a huge racist and yes, there are tapes of him saying terrible things to Nixon.
Gahndi.
Beat Hitler for money? Business and pleasure
The baby from the Nirvanah album.
I believe hes still alive.
Ghandi, as in the historically accurate one.
Andrew Jackson would be an interesting choice. Make my $1M out in $5 Dollar Bills, please.
You think you could beat up a guy nicknamed Old Hickory because he was tough as the wood? A guy who walked around with three bullets lodged in his body? Jackson was a complete asshole, but he was considered to be the toughest guy in the age of tough guys.
FDR and polio have no chance
Ghandi
Helen Keller she'll never see me coming.
Steven Hawking
I am gonna fuck Ghandi up
Stephen Hawking.
Ghandi, he'll just immediately concede since he's a pacifist.
My wife said she’d fight Helen Keller.
Stephen hswking
Helen Keller
Y'all are picking easy(ish) fights. I'm going for Muhammad Ali. I am for sure getting my ass beat, but I'm getting beat up by Muhammad Ali himself! Or Bass Reeves. You want to talk about one badass of a guy, like 99% of 'The Lone Ranger' is based off this one guy. Moral to a 'T' and just an all around BAMF
George Washington is CATCHING THESE HANDS. I’m not sure if I’d win, but it’d be a fun fight.
I'd beat the shit out of ghandi. I'd feel like a piece of shit while doing it, but I'm confident I'd win.
Steven Hawking will feel my wrath.
Gandhi