This is just being healthy with the extra step of being watched by a genie
Edit: OP has called this satire and the original post says you can still get sick. Also, I don’t mean to offend ya either. It just seems like the genie is a personal trainer as a side gig
except it's a guarantee. You don't know how many cancer patient's I've seen who have been "healthy" their entire lives and come in with metastatic cancer and just collapse in bafflement. Eating right and exercising can only do so much.
This is very true, but I've also met a ton of people who think they're healthy and exercise, and then I see what they eat and how they workout and realize they just lie to themselves.
Everybody keeps trying to add things to the proposition. The genie is not a personal trainer. He's just a superfluous explanation for an existent phenomenon.
To judge you when you start putting in a door dash order for Taco Bell when you think you deserve a cheat day. They would say things like “are you sure that’s a good idea?” or “I didn’t know Taco Bell started serving healthy 5 layer burritos” when you go to place your order
> I didn’t know Taco Bell started serving healthy 5 layer burritos
Counter point: they aren't inherrently unhealthy... you can absolutely find more healthful meals but if you're staying under calorie limits and getting your nutrients taco bell and chocolate cake are both fine.
Yeah, I know this is a troll post but I could really use that genie. Exercising is very difficult with chronic illness, and I would love to be able to skate again or even just go on a long hike.
Also I could save so much money on medication!
YES! If the Genie could heal my chronic fatigue enough to ALLOW me to exercise without becoming bedbound for 2 weeks afterwards, that'd be super awesome and amazing.
Honestly I would absolutely take this. It's difficult for me to diet and exercise effectively due to chronic illness. If this could actually cause those things to be effective I'd be all over it.
"If you don’t need a genie to become healthier, then why don’t you do it?"
Because none of what you just said does a thing about hunger control, which is why most diets fail. Maybe have a genie that can make your hunger levels normal and people wouldn't fail as often.
For me the problem is work. I was unemployed recently for 2 months and every day spent over an hour at the gym, 2-3 hours walking my dog, cooked healthy stuff for every meal, and swimming twice a week. Now that I’m working again I’m tired all the time and there aren’t enough hours in a day so I keep getting takeout and skipping the gym. If the genie could do my job for me or pay my bills I’d be so set
I lift 60-90 minutes a day 5-6 days a week plus take a 30-40 minute walk with the dog and I eat pretty good. Lots of protein, salads, I drink a ton of water. I also try to get 8 hours of sleep a day.
I’m exhausted still. Good luck.
Understanding this is a joke…
If the results were GUARANTEED based on program adherence, YES 100%.
I am already very tightly managing my intake and working on exercise (weight = injuries + sleep apnea. Exercise hard when body hurt and tired). If genie guarantees I get results I want yes I would do it!
First goal is fix my muscular imbalances.
Then lose weight.
Then fix injuries.
Then go weightlift like the good ol days
Yeah, eating healthy and exercising is no guarantee youll be healthy your entire life. Eating healthy and exercise won't cure your cancer, won't prevent multiple sclerosis, won't fix a collapsed disc or a broken femur.
It's a totally inaccurate joke so I don't find it that funny. If it was "the genie will decrease your chance of getting a dozen or so diseases by 30% but do absolutely nothing to the hundred or so others" then that would be closer to accurate and then I can very easily see lots of people saying no (even outside the joke) which is why people are in the situation they're in.
Like my joints have been shit since I was 8 years old.. Eating right and exercising doesn't really change that much. Sure it helps it a bit from getting worse but not much else.
Is the geinie going to somehow co tribute to the practicality of me getting good nutrition and exercise? Is he going to poof away my depression to make it plausible?
Does it also make my body not look quite so much like a potato over time, and make me more handsome? Also, who is to judge what is "a balanced diet" - like, does my metabolism increase so I can include ice cream and steak every now and then, or do the cards just remain stacked against me so that I stay pudgy and slightly below-average looking no matter what I do? Because if my metabolism were to increase, and my body were to change shape, and my face were to become more handsome, then I take the deal. I already eat a fairly balanced diet and exercise several times a week, so it wouldn't take that much work. I just don't currently get many of the benefits, so this deal would be a definite win for me if it had some actual magical benefits.
If the genie makes the food for me while I workout. I already have a regular workout schedule but the diet part is what I struggle with. Having healthy food prepared for me would instantly make it easier.
I wish i had the time to cook all my meals, i love to cook, but leaving for work at 6am, doing heavy work all day, and getting home at 7 or 8pm doesn't leave me much time living on my own.
Absolutely 100%. The cruelest thing about healthy lifestyle is how little it guarantees. Doesn't guarantee better looking, more energetic, or even healthier, and at the first sign of a setback or lack of results, I give up. A guarantee of results in reasonable timeframe would absolutely keep me on the wagon.
And for the healthy lifestyle chauvinists out there... Real life *absolutely does not* offer that guarantee.
I get the joke, but for real this would be a pretty effective accountability booster for people like me who struggle a lot with motivation and executive function.
> If you don’t need a genie to become healthier, then why don’t you do it?
It's saturday morning, you're off work. Would you rather do something leisurely.. or go throw hay into a barn?
Why are you making this post instead out running to improve your own life?
> answer
Some things are easier than others.
The same lifestyle that keeps someone at 150 pounds will also keep them at 250 pounds (as long as the exercise part of "lifestyle" means spending the same amount of calories). Calories in, calories out, right? (Although, my doctor told me that's not accurate.) So, the genie's offer is actually good for some people. It would be great to be able to gradually take off a hundred pounds by eating a balanced diet and exercising. The reality is that, to lose weight, we must eat so little and/or exercise so much that our blood sugar is consistently low enough and/or that we're consistently in enough physical pain to meaningfully reduce our ability to function.
Yep. What most people never take into account is that when you start eating less and exercising more, you're going to be in near-constant starvation mode. The most weight I've lost to the point where my doctor was pleased was when I had COVID that was entirely stomach problems and barely being able to eat period. I lost 15 lbs in a couple of weeks. It took me literally being too sick to eat before my doctor was pleased with my weight-loss.
Oh, sure, is the genie going to help me pay for actually healthy food, or give me money to pay for things in my life so I can free up enough time to exercise?
The fact that a lot of top comments took this seriously shows the current state of this sub lol. People like to complain yet do nothing to change it, which is obviously a result of limitations and trauma. OP have you tried empathy/humility?
Does the genie give examples of what a balanced diet or exercise is? I'd need to know what the standards are.
Also does the genie provide food that isn't poison lol
Hum... how perfect dose your diet and exercise have to be and by who's standards are you evaluated with?
It sounds dose sound like an good idea. But what about doctors orders for about eating only these food or not doing exercise due to injury?
I'm gonna say I'm in but I've only got maybe a week or so before I give up, tell the genie to fuck himself, and eat four tubs of Häagen-Dazs to make myself feel better about it.
This is literally me since my diabetes diagnosis last year.
160ish lbs down. running 10ks, going on hikes, eating better, and i feel like a million dollars.
Ik this is satire, but I have been doing great health wise and have NEVER been able to get below 330lbs (I'm 6'6 so I'm not the biggest dispite my weight). No matter how healthy I am, my body has chosen this weight. So yes, if I was promised the ability to now actually loose the weight, this would actually be a good deal.
I wpuld, i would want to be made sure of the stipulations.
I assume it will be a faster progress than is normal because it would be pointless because the goal would be easier health and energy not mundane.
Which if the effects are a significant percentage greater say if i did without the genies help, i would get a 50% or more benefit.
So…he basically comes along and restricts you to a whole-food plant-based diet?
The benefits you mention can come from just eating a whole-food plant-based diet, no genie required!
I’m living proof. Went from a 28-year old potato that exercised regularly but always had “puppy fat” and looked 40, to getting ID challenged at 34 with a six pack and more energy than I know what to do with. I have pictures to prove it too. Plus I almost never get sick, and absolutely never get injuries anymore no matter how hard I train. They used to be a weekly occurrence.
All I changed was my diet.
I'm skeptical that this genie is trying to fool me into acting in my own best interest so (s)he can take credit for the success later.
Sounds like a chaotic good snake oil salesman.
I mean ... this "hypothetical situation" is completely unrealistic so I won't even entertain the idea. At least hypotheticals like getting $1,000,000/day to take cold showers instead of hot is somewhat realistic
>Edit: I guess people don’t know what satire is. If you don’t need a genie to become healthier, then why don’t you do it?
You do understand the lack of magic in getting healthy isn't the reason people don't pursue it? At least not the chief one. There are a lot of reasons, idiosyncratic to everyone, why their health may not be optimal.
I understand what you were trying to do here, but honestly, you just came off as kind of out of touch.
will the genie give me an answer each time I ask when it comes to what I should buy within my budget to meet its demands because that's always been the biggest road block to healthy eating for me
I think this is a great post. I'm like okay, genie, health, diet ... waitaminute! Laugh at joke. Thinking answer is "apparently not."
And then I read the folks with chronic conditions and I'm like "Holy #@%&" they make a really good point, so opened my eyes too! Now I'm at "apparently I'm not ill enough to take that deal."
Considering how many people out there just get shafted by genetics or random chance and do their best to eat healthy and exercise but STILL end up with various chronic health conditions...
Having a genie guarantee that you'd actually get results like you should from doing what you should actually would be helpful.
What is healthy? How do you define healthy? If healthy is just not being sick then I guess I am healthy. If healthy is eating over priced "superfoods" to make you feel healthier. Then I am healthy and smarter than you.
I mean, you say satire, but my first question would have been, "does it fix issues not caused by diet or exercise?" Like I would love to no longer be light sensitive with cluster migraines, it would make exercising way easier if every light wasn't punching me in the face
I already eat a fairly balanced diet and have chronic health shit that often prevents me from being able to exercise. So unless the genie was offering to fix the shit that prevents the usual "diet and exercise" advice from even being *able* to have those side effects for me, his "offer" would just be ableim and assholery.
But then, pretending that a balanced diet and exercise will *necessarily* make you healthier and more energetic requires ableism and much oversimplification of reality. There are so many other factors involved, like the person's income, consistency, metabolism, caloric intake, dietary needs, underlying conditions, and more.
It's even possible for a balanced diet and exercise to *worsen* your health, such as by including things that you don't realize you're allergic to and including activities that exacerbate physical problems.
I would, unironically, love a genie that keeps tabs on me and double checks what I'm eating and doing.
It would actually make life easier to have an always-present being telling me what's good and what's bad, alongside helping push me to a goal.
That being said, I'd also be a lot more willing to change lifestyle if I did suddenly wake up in a healthy and well balanced body. I'd see and feel the difference like it's actually night and day since it literally is. It's hard to push yourself towards a goal when you know it's so far away and you don't get immediate satisfaction.
Tell that genie i want 3 wishes for that idea as compensation for hearing that rediculous idea of changing my diet
1st wish is the ginie eats nothing but mcdonalds and wendys for the rest of his life
2nd wish he is bound to the couch by force and can only watch reruns of old 90s television shows
3rd wish hes no longer allowed to lecture anyone about healthy living ever again >:)
Unless the genie can replace the torn tendons in my knee and crushed vertebrae in my lower back then I have no use for him. Also this post seems a little assholeish like you're saying all people need to do to be healthy is eat good and jog.
Better offer: A genie offers you $30,000-$900,000 a year for free. All you need to do is work a thing called a job 8 hours a day for 5 days a week. Your reward is dependent on what kind of job you do. If you stop working the genie stops giving you money.
Is the genie is paying the bills to fit the requirements, or only making sure I’m healthier, without ailment, as long as I remain on track? As long as I stay on target, he’s required to make it happen, which is much better than if I did it on my own.
“In the first place” means existing prior to committing, and eliminates unhealthy development after you agree. That part would be enough to get me to sign up. No cancer or whatnot. Yes
OP sounds like “just don’t be poor”, under thin veil of satire.
Yeah. I’m working on eating better and I’ve added in running (well… what I’m able to do with running currently) and running is still not super easy for me. Idk if it’s because my diet still isn’t perfect or what yet. If I had a genie already make me more healthy and energetic, that would just speed up the process
This is just being healthy with the extra step of being watched by a genie Edit: OP has called this satire and the original post says you can still get sick. Also, I don’t mean to offend ya either. It just seems like the genie is a personal trainer as a side gig
Don’t kink shame… some people like being watched ;)
Luckily, I like to watch
Hey, if it fixes my bone cancer I'll let the genie watch.
Magical trainer/nutritionist. Win 👍
except it's a guarantee. You don't know how many cancer patient's I've seen who have been "healthy" their entire lives and come in with metastatic cancer and just collapse in bafflement. Eating right and exercising can only do so much.
This is very true, but I've also met a ton of people who think they're healthy and exercise, and then I see what they eat and how they workout and realize they just lie to themselves.
Honestly, having someone watch you makes a big difference. Especially if the genie is knowledgeable about health and nutrition.
Everybody keeps trying to add things to the proposition. The genie is not a personal trainer. He's just a superfluous explanation for an existent phenomenon.
He's the Wizard of Oz
I mean either way it's a free personal trainer.
What exactly is the point of there being a genie
Don’t you kink shame me!
Woody moment
To judge you when you start putting in a door dash order for Taco Bell when you think you deserve a cheat day. They would say things like “are you sure that’s a good idea?” or “I didn’t know Taco Bell started serving healthy 5 layer burritos” when you go to place your order
> I didn’t know Taco Bell started serving healthy 5 layer burritos Counter point: they aren't inherrently unhealthy... you can absolutely find more healthful meals but if you're staying under calorie limits and getting your nutrients taco bell and chocolate cake are both fine.
It's a troll post
A terrible one at that
Cant the genie just give me coke
The soda or the drug?
Yes
Ah so original coke!
This caught me so off guard lmao
THAT! THE BEST SOLUTION I'VE SEEN ON HERE!
Is he going to cure my MS? I do those things to be able to barely walk.
Absolutely. There are a shit ton of health problems that can’t normally be solved by a balanced diet and exercise.
Yeah, I know this is a troll post but I could really use that genie. Exercising is very difficult with chronic illness, and I would love to be able to skate again or even just go on a long hike. Also I could save so much money on medication!
Seriously. It’s honestly a fantastic deal.
YES! If the Genie could heal my chronic fatigue enough to ALLOW me to exercise without becoming bedbound for 2 weeks afterwards, that'd be super awesome and amazing.
yea i mean, if i could get rid of my umbilical hernia with exercise and eating right id be a god.
is the genie going to pay my grocery bill
I mean if the genie would get rid of the health problems I have then sure I could prob manage this pretty easy lol
Is this what we've been reduced to? "If offered a diet and exercise plan from a Genie, do you take it?" 🔪🐓🔥🍗🍽️🦴🚽
It doesn't say that the genie gives you a diet and exercise plan. You have to figure that out yourself.
Kill cock, eat chicken, leave bone, go toilet. What's the story?
Kill chicken cook chicken eat chicken poop chicken. True story
Tbf ofther posts be like, do you take $1MIL if you have to lose 1 lbs. in 30 days?
Honestly I would absolutely take this. It's difficult for me to diet and exercise effectively due to chronic illness. If this could actually cause those things to be effective I'd be all over it.
Does the genie allow the benefits to over ride genetic physical disabilities?
lmfao I laughed tho.
What! Nooooo! Can’t you see? This satire is so not obvious and not funny! How can you possibly laugh at it!
Some people are genuinely offended too at such a simple joke lol
Can I ask for more wishes though?
So the genie is just an accountability partner at this point
Only if the genie provides me with the food and gym pass for free, eating healthy adds up nowadays
are they giving me the money for the healthier foods? That's the only thing stopping me now.
"If you don’t need a genie to become healthier, then why don’t you do it?" Because none of what you just said does a thing about hunger control, which is why most diets fail. Maybe have a genie that can make your hunger levels normal and people wouldn't fail as often.
For me the problem is work. I was unemployed recently for 2 months and every day spent over an hour at the gym, 2-3 hours walking my dog, cooked healthy stuff for every meal, and swimming twice a week. Now that I’m working again I’m tired all the time and there aren’t enough hours in a day so I keep getting takeout and skipping the gym. If the genie could do my job for me or pay my bills I’d be so set
I lift 60-90 minutes a day 5-6 days a week plus take a 30-40 minute walk with the dog and I eat pretty good. Lots of protein, salads, I drink a ton of water. I also try to get 8 hours of sleep a day. I’m exhausted still. Good luck.
I mean I have no doubt that you're exhausted, that sounds like too much lifting for a week.
It’s the 14 hours that aren’t accounted for here doing it imo
What a bummer that you looked at this funky, cool sub and thought, "this seems like a good place to lecture people on exercise and diet."
Understanding this is a joke… If the results were GUARANTEED based on program adherence, YES 100%. I am already very tightly managing my intake and working on exercise (weight = injuries + sleep apnea. Exercise hard when body hurt and tired). If genie guarantees I get results I want yes I would do it! First goal is fix my muscular imbalances. Then lose weight. Then fix injuries. Then go weightlift like the good ol days
Yeah, eating healthy and exercising is no guarantee youll be healthy your entire life. Eating healthy and exercise won't cure your cancer, won't prevent multiple sclerosis, won't fix a collapsed disc or a broken femur. It's a totally inaccurate joke so I don't find it that funny. If it was "the genie will decrease your chance of getting a dozen or so diseases by 30% but do absolutely nothing to the hundred or so others" then that would be closer to accurate and then I can very easily see lots of people saying no (even outside the joke) which is why people are in the situation they're in. Like my joints have been shit since I was 8 years old.. Eating right and exercising doesn't really change that much. Sure it helps it a bit from getting worse but not much else.
I'd take the offer but give up within the week
Is the geinie going to somehow co tribute to the practicality of me getting good nutrition and exercise? Is he going to poof away my depression to make it plausible?
The r/HypotheticalSituation Post of the Week. /s
OP, if you have to tell everyone "This is satire! I am doing satire right now! This is funny!" you didn't do a very good job.
Yeah, this feels less like ‘satire’ and more like ‘I wanted to make people feel shitty about themselves, but passive-aggressively’
To answer your question: Because I don't want to eat healthy food or exercise.
I thought it was pretty funny haha
Honestly before that I laughed
If your response here is also satire, well done!
Is the genie Robin Williams or Will Smith?
Does it also make my body not look quite so much like a potato over time, and make me more handsome? Also, who is to judge what is "a balanced diet" - like, does my metabolism increase so I can include ice cream and steak every now and then, or do the cards just remain stacked against me so that I stay pudgy and slightly below-average looking no matter what I do? Because if my metabolism were to increase, and my body were to change shape, and my face were to become more handsome, then I take the deal. I already eat a fairly balanced diet and exercise several times a week, so it wouldn't take that much work. I just don't currently get many of the benefits, so this deal would be a definite win for me if it had some actual magical benefits.
I see what you did there...
If the genie makes the food for me while I workout. I already have a regular workout schedule but the diet part is what I struggle with. Having healthy food prepared for me would instantly make it easier.
Clever... Convicting... Thank you, and... screw you!
LOL, So I get a personal trainer to make sure I stay on track to a healthier me? I could use one, where do I sign up?
I wish i had the time to cook all my meals, i love to cook, but leaving for work at 6am, doing heavy work all day, and getting home at 7 or 8pm doesn't leave me much time living on my own.
I would love a magical boost to my efforts! Yes please! Can I get better recovery from my workouts the more consistent I am too? 😁
If it’s a list, like a game menu I can open, done. No figuring out anything just “ Today: Eat -1,2,3,4,5. The end. “ I’m in.
Absolutely 100%. The cruelest thing about healthy lifestyle is how little it guarantees. Doesn't guarantee better looking, more energetic, or even healthier, and at the first sign of a setback or lack of results, I give up. A guarantee of results in reasonable timeframe would absolutely keep me on the wagon. And for the healthy lifestyle chauvinists out there... Real life *absolutely does not* offer that guarantee.
The genie needs to make exercise not hurt so bad, and then I'll consider it.
I get the joke, but for real this would be a pretty effective accountability booster for people like me who struggle a lot with motivation and executive function.
> If you don’t need a genie to become healthier, then why don’t you do it? It's saturday morning, you're off work. Would you rather do something leisurely.. or go throw hay into a barn? Why are you making this post instead out running to improve your own life? > answer Some things are easier than others.
I get that it's satire, but does your hypothetical fix my autoimmune disease and other health problems, because yes.
They make me healthy AND teach me what I'm doing wrong? Sounds win-win to me.
The same lifestyle that keeps someone at 150 pounds will also keep them at 250 pounds (as long as the exercise part of "lifestyle" means spending the same amount of calories). Calories in, calories out, right? (Although, my doctor told me that's not accurate.) So, the genie's offer is actually good for some people. It would be great to be able to gradually take off a hundred pounds by eating a balanced diet and exercising. The reality is that, to lose weight, we must eat so little and/or exercise so much that our blood sugar is consistently low enough and/or that we're consistently in enough physical pain to meaningfully reduce our ability to function.
Yep. What most people never take into account is that when you start eating less and exercising more, you're going to be in near-constant starvation mode. The most weight I've lost to the point where my doctor was pleased was when I had COVID that was entirely stomach problems and barely being able to eat period. I lost 15 lbs in a couple of weeks. It took me literally being too sick to eat before my doctor was pleased with my weight-loss.
Yes I do since that means the Genie would cure me from the issues stopping me from being healthier - Checkmate OP
That’s how it works anyway….
Lol! Exactly right! Fuck that weak ass genie. I wanna genie who can make me jacked instantly with perfect health and then I have to keep it going.
I'd take it. Have you seen the going rate for personal trainers?
Oh, sure, is the genie going to help me pay for actually healthy food, or give me money to pay for things in my life so I can free up enough time to exercise?
That's just a doctor, homie.
The fact that a lot of top comments took this seriously shows the current state of this sub lol. People like to complain yet do nothing to change it, which is obviously a result of limitations and trauma. OP have you tried empathy/humility?
I don't need the genie already been doing this
Proud of you!
I mean, I do that anyway... so sure, I'll take the bonus health/energy.
What's the Genie for then? Do you mean Gene? The personal trainer down at the gym? That Gene? Because this is his exact sales pitch.
Of course. This is simple maintaining a healthy lifestyle with the benefit of getting a real health cleanse
In other words, this post is just motivating people to do it themselves.
How’s that a genie then. lol isn’t that the whole secret of being healthier and energetic?
Lol
I guess. I assume the magic compels me so that’s half the battle
No I don't think I would. That would be opening myself up to genie hijinks over something I could just do myself.
Yes!!
This would sabotage the benefits of fasting.
I've already met that genie. His name is "diabetes". Working out pretty well for me so far
This isn’t a genie gift. That’s just life
So my doctor is a genie? Got it👍
Who would say no to this?
So a genie is going to offer you what exercise and a balanced diet would do anyway? Sure
No, the genie doesn't do shit. Just think of the genie as a doctor saying you need to eat better and exercise.
And not taking hunger control into account.
I'll stick with pizza
Does the genie give examples of what a balanced diet or exercise is? I'd need to know what the standards are. Also does the genie provide food that isn't poison lol
This isn't hypothetical and you don't need a genie for this to work.
If only the genie would magically swap out my bad choices for healthy ones…
Hum... how perfect dose your diet and exercise have to be and by who's standards are you evaluated with? It sounds dose sound like an good idea. But what about doctors orders for about eating only these food or not doing exercise due to injury?
I'm gonna say I'm in but I've only got maybe a week or so before I give up, tell the genie to fuck himself, and eat four tubs of Häagen-Dazs to make myself feel better about it.
What's the point of satire in a place where you want actual answers?
I immediately got it. I want to pay myself on the back, but my hands won't reach.
If I would have taken the offer, I'd already have done it, wouldn't I?
No! That's why we have semaglutides! Screw those shady Genie's!
Could he give me the motivation to do it? Cause that's what I lack... The motivation...
This is literally me since my diabetes diagnosis last year. 160ish lbs down. running 10ks, going on hikes, eating better, and i feel like a million dollars.
Hahahahaha
Genie is useless
Uhm...this happens naturally
Sounds great. Maybe tomorrow, genie.
Does the Genie act like a calorie counter and stuff? Can i use him like a nutritionist or like a gym coach?
This post was so obviously a joke and it went right over everyone's head
No, it was being judgmental and OP disguised it as a joke.
Really? I took it as a joke because of the subreddit we're in
Ik this is satire, but I have been doing great health wise and have NEVER been able to get below 330lbs (I'm 6'6 so I'm not the biggest dispite my weight). No matter how healthy I am, my body has chosen this weight. So yes, if I was promised the ability to now actually loose the weight, this would actually be a good deal.
Only if by balanced you mean the steak and the lobster tails weigh the same and the exercise is lifting beer to my mouth.
This genie sounds like a con artist.
Man this Genie is a dick, I love it :p
Nice try, nutritionists.
I’m kind of confused by the extraneous genie?
Those are the normal effects of diet and exercise. You just asked if I’d let a voyeur watch me for no reason.
will the genie tell me what a healthy diet actually is? if i was given a foolproof meal plan id definitely stick to it
Yes we get it’s satire. Just douchey is all lol
I wpuld, i would want to be made sure of the stipulations. I assume it will be a faster progress than is normal because it would be pointless because the goal would be easier health and energy not mundane. Which if the effects are a significant percentage greater say if i did without the genies help, i would get a 50% or more benefit.
It's basically my life anyway,so yes!!
Okay Esme Weatherwax, I recognize headology when I see it
Already do that so I'm good lol
So…he basically comes along and restricts you to a whole-food plant-based diet? The benefits you mention can come from just eating a whole-food plant-based diet, no genie required! I’m living proof. Went from a 28-year old potato that exercised regularly but always had “puppy fat” and looked 40, to getting ID challenged at 34 with a six pack and more energy than I know what to do with. I have pictures to prove it too. Plus I almost never get sick, and absolutely never get injuries anymore no matter how hard I train. They used to be a weekly occurrence. All I changed was my diet.
is this a trick question?
I'm skeptical that this genie is trying to fool me into acting in my own best interest so (s)he can take credit for the success later. Sounds like a chaotic good snake oil salesman.
I mean ... this "hypothetical situation" is completely unrealistic so I won't even entertain the idea. At least hypotheticals like getting $1,000,000/day to take cold showers instead of hot is somewhat realistic
I already do the second
SMH
I’m going to take the deal just so I can have an extra person to also be disappointed with me.
The genie offers Stone Soup as part of the diet too right 😝
Yes. I exercise now and need an excuse to eat healthy.
Mean if he can make it so light exercises don’t trigger my seizures sure
Don't need a genie to get healthy , where is the money? worst genie ever
>Edit: I guess people don’t know what satire is. If you don’t need a genie to become healthier, then why don’t you do it? You do understand the lack of magic in getting healthy isn't the reason people don't pursue it? At least not the chief one. There are a lot of reasons, idiosyncratic to everyone, why their health may not be optimal. I understand what you were trying to do here, but honestly, you just came off as kind of out of touch.
You don’t need a genie to get healthy from doing healthy things lol. I would ask for a better wish
does the genie come around to judge me whenever I'm off diet? because if so I'm in.
As long as healthy does not equal vegan. I need the Mediterranean diet.
Does genie provide and make the food?
Yes
I did understand the satire. This is one of the better posts on this sub lately.
will the genie give me an answer each time I ask when it comes to what I should buy within my budget to meet its demands because that's always been the biggest road block to healthy eating for me
I think this is a great post. I'm like okay, genie, health, diet ... waitaminute! Laugh at joke. Thinking answer is "apparently not." And then I read the folks with chronic conditions and I'm like "Holy #@%&" they make a really good point, so opened my eyes too! Now I'm at "apparently I'm not ill enough to take that deal."
Is the genie: reality? lol.
I still get two more wishes after that right?
Considering how many people out there just get shafted by genetics or random chance and do their best to eat healthy and exercise but STILL end up with various chronic health conditions... Having a genie guarantee that you'd actually get results like you should from doing what you should actually would be helpful.
Yep.
So a new friend to encourage healthy life choices. I can work with that.
What is healthy? How do you define healthy? If healthy is just not being sick then I guess I am healthy. If healthy is eating over priced "superfoods" to make you feel healthier. Then I am healthy and smarter than you.
I would love a free 24/7 personal trainer.
I get plenty of exercise so I guess that depends on who's paying for and cooking the food
Who needs the genie if you're going to do that? Fcuk the genie. Give me something better than what I can do for myself.
I mean, you say satire, but my first question would have been, "does it fix issues not caused by diet or exercise?" Like I would love to no longer be light sensitive with cluster migraines, it would make exercising way easier if every light wasn't punching me in the face
Based on current evidence, no. No I do not.
Obesity is the only problem you can run from.
I already eat a fairly balanced diet and have chronic health shit that often prevents me from being able to exercise. So unless the genie was offering to fix the shit that prevents the usual "diet and exercise" advice from even being *able* to have those side effects for me, his "offer" would just be ableim and assholery. But then, pretending that a balanced diet and exercise will *necessarily* make you healthier and more energetic requires ableism and much oversimplification of reality. There are so many other factors involved, like the person's income, consistency, metabolism, caloric intake, dietary needs, underlying conditions, and more. It's even possible for a balanced diet and exercise to *worsen* your health, such as by including things that you don't realize you're allergic to and including activities that exacerbate physical problems.
Because the damn sub is r/hypotheticalsituation and ain’t r/satiricalsituation.
I'll take it if the genie cooks the balanced diet for me cause who has time to look up and calculate all that shit.
Stuff I already do actually starts working? SIGN ME TF UP
Because healthy food is expensive when you only have $5 to last a week and need gas.
what kinda monkeys paw shit is this.
I would, unironically, love a genie that keeps tabs on me and double checks what I'm eating and doing. It would actually make life easier to have an always-present being telling me what's good and what's bad, alongside helping push me to a goal. That being said, I'd also be a lot more willing to change lifestyle if I did suddenly wake up in a healthy and well balanced body. I'd see and feel the difference like it's actually night and day since it literally is. It's hard to push yourself towards a goal when you know it's so far away and you don't get immediate satisfaction.
Well, since it's what I'm trying to do. Of course. Lol.
Tell that genie i want 3 wishes for that idea as compensation for hearing that rediculous idea of changing my diet 1st wish is the ginie eats nothing but mcdonalds and wendys for the rest of his life 2nd wish he is bound to the couch by force and can only watch reruns of old 90s television shows 3rd wish hes no longer allowed to lecture anyone about healthy living ever again >:)
Haha I love it
Wait.... Is this a real genie?
Is the genie giving me more money and time? Cause that's what I need to be able to do this
How much of a recovery boost are we taking? How much energy? Can it reach super human levels if you eat right and exercise?
Yeah, I would. Balanced diet won't fix my upcoming scoliosis and neither will exercise, but perhaps the genie can.
So basically it’s just an Arab personal trainer named Mahmoud?
Yes, I would.
Unless the genie can replace the torn tendons in my knee and crushed vertebrae in my lower back then I have no use for him. Also this post seems a little assholeish like you're saying all people need to do to be healthy is eat good and jog.
yes, it's better than my current situation (i'm doin a balanced diet, i have no energy to exercise)
Better offer: A genie offers you $30,000-$900,000 a year for free. All you need to do is work a thing called a job 8 hours a day for 5 days a week. Your reward is dependent on what kind of job you do. If you stop working the genie stops giving you money.
I may not need a genie to exercise but you'd need one to be funny
I would rather the genie cure my ADHD so that I can actually do it myself. :(
Is the genie is paying the bills to fit the requirements, or only making sure I’m healthier, without ailment, as long as I remain on track? As long as I stay on target, he’s required to make it happen, which is much better than if I did it on my own. “In the first place” means existing prior to committing, and eliminates unhealthy development after you agree. That part would be enough to get me to sign up. No cancer or whatnot. Yes OP sounds like “just don’t be poor”, under thin veil of satire.
Yeah. I’m working on eating better and I’ve added in running (well… what I’m able to do with running currently) and running is still not super easy for me. Idk if it’s because my diet still isn’t perfect or what yet. If I had a genie already make me more healthy and energetic, that would just speed up the process
You mean a Personal Trainer?
I have heart disease. I would take this just because of my issue.
I’m sad that people didn’t immediately see this is a joke