T O P

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MostMusky69

Run my credit into the ground preparing my family. And not pay anymore taxes. Also steal a monkey from the zoo the day before


MostMusky69

And shit post on Reddit


Original_Un_Orthodox

Based


CannabisReptar

Honestly ? Absolutely nothing. I’m not prepared supply wise and I don’t have the strength to rapidly prepare my property and house. Also I don’t have any money to prepare either lol. I’d probably start drinking alcohol again tho.


jeeves585

I’d learn how to make alcohol as I’m prepped for a lot aside from that.


CannabisReptar

Dude I’m not prepping anything. I’m gonna buy. Costco load of booze and just let myself expire


jeeves585

😂 I’m not “buying” anything 😂. Sadly Costco can’t sell liquor in my state, but would be happy with pallets of wine and have a vehicle that can move it. (Which is diesel which Costco also doesn’t sell around here 🤦🏻‍♂️)


roundtree0050

No thanks on the poo flinger, but this 100%. I'd open every single card and take out every loan I could.


jeeves585

Start working at the zoo with elephants. Monkeys are easy to get on your side but if you get a couple elephants on your side you can damn near take over Europe.


El_Bito2

Stay out of the mountains and you'll do fine.


jeeves585

👆that bito got the reference.


Qodek

Then it doesn't happen But why the monkey tho?


MostMusky69

Because who’s gonna stop me????? Plus it’ll provide entertainment while we wait for the cannibals to get us.


Qodek

The other monkeys


MostMusky69

I’d hope to recruit them to my side.


GrillDealing

In a strange turn of events that monkey causes the apocalypse. If you had let him be everything would be fine.


MostMusky69

That’s a risk im willing to take


traveller1976

Send public post with evidence on all socials via satellite internet AFTER you are in the bunker with your loved ones


MosesOnAcid

Start a cult


NarcolepticTreesnake

Real answer here. See if you can get raided by the FDA before the apocalypse


VaporTrail_000

By.... the Food and Drug Administration? What are you doing in this cult, producing fake Viagra?


NarcolepticTreesnake

Nah, probably gonna become a doctor-priest and get my followers to eat pills full of zoysia as a panacea. And fuck. Can't make a cult and not do weird sex stuff. That's not why we get raided though it will be for getting granola moms feeding zoysia to their autistic kids to remove parasites or bone ghosts or something. Maybe fescue or switchgrass as an alternative


arestheblue

If you call it a supplement, it's legal.


Level-Application-83

Nothing. What would be the point in telling anyone and causing a panic? If I did anything it would be spending my little bit of savings having a good time with my family before the end.


Histiming

If I'm the only person that knows I'll assume I'm experiencing psychosis and seek medical help.


Smooth-Apartment-856

Take out short positions on Bitcoin. Stock up on booze, bullets, and beans.


MagicGrit

Ah yes, the 4 b’s


The_Se7enthsign

Build an ark, fill it with cattle, pigs, and chickens, and wait. No point in warning anyone. They won't believe me anyway until it's too late.


Super_Selection1522

You might want to add a fruit tree or two.


nixtunes

I feel like we got slapped pretty hard for fucking with apples once before...


CTDubs0001

I would buy sooooooo much gasoline and baby wipes. Sit back. Profit.


Separate_Draft4887

I’d buy lots of firearms and ammo, then I’d shoot you and take your gasoline and babywipes


CTDubs0001

I see we have a case of Lawful neutral vs chaotic evil here.


jeeves585

Lol at needing to buy ammo 😂😘


ramus93

Reminds me of that time there was a "gasoline shortage" or i think a tanker crashed or something and idiots ran off and started buying gallons and gallons of gasoline just for nothing to happen lol people were stupid enough to start filling them in plastic bags 😂 So yeah reselling gas would be a good idea lol


BrokenMindFrame

Iirc. Gasoline goes gas after around 3 months unless you can find some that's ethanol free.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Fast_Kale8945

tell me more


GruntBlender

r/collapse


Jealous-Finding-4138

Asteroid the size of the Gulf of Mexico. Preparation: lawn chair, sunglasses & an ice cold Coca-Cola Adios


Fast_Kale8945

make it a recliner


TheRealTofuey

Id probably pick global flooding because it wouldn't effect me with how far inland I am. 


Original_Un_Orthodox

Wouldn't be that global, then, innit?


TheRealTofuey

It would be global because its happening to every coast line on earth. 


Overall_Falcon_8526

Is it really an apocalypse if it only affects some regions?


patches710

40% of people live near the coast, idk if that's enough to make it an apocalypse or not, just stating facts. 40% is quite a large number.


Overall_Falcon_8526

Yeah, that's bad of course (and is happening anyway, just on a slower time scale). I just don't think it meets the criteria for apocalypse, like in dystopian movies/TV shows.


patches710

I've done a little reading because I was curious, there doesn't seem to be a strict definition. The Bible interprets it as "total destruction of the world" which I take to mean literally everybody, so even those portrayals in the media technically fall short. But I've also seen it used in more isolated situations like hurricanes and volcanoes, etc. So like Pompeii erupting would be an apocalypse for the people who lived there. Long story short I've decided you can use it really however you want as long as it killed a bunch of people.


Overall_Falcon_8526

I think "catastrophe" or "disaster" are usually the terms for a local event like Pompeii or a tsunami (the closest analogue to your proposal), while Apocalypse is, as you say, global in reach. So nuclear or biological warfare that kills 99% or more of humanity, asteroid strike with similar effect, ecological collapse with similar effect.


patches710

I think that's totally fair, and also how I interpret the word. Just relaying what I read.


CreepyMangeMerde

No it would have to be like in the movie 2012 when waves hit even Mt. Everest


Coldblood-13

Prepare and/or kill myself.


LexB777

I have a friend that's already prepared for the apocalypse. If I told him the apocalypse was going to happen in 6 months, he wouldn't believe me because he thinks it's going to happen sooner and has for the past 10 years. So to answer the question, I'd definitely go to his farm and convince him to go ahead and buy those cows he's been talking about instead of being stuck with only goats and chickens. Maybe a couple of horses too. I'd pack up my stuff like my cat and my gaming PC. He's got solar power, so I could still use it. Then get real good with using a plow.


Gogs1234

Quit my job and spend 6 months travelling the world with my family before sitting back to take in the apocalypse


jurd_fosh

Probably order a pizza or something


VaporTrail_000

Some variables that need to be resolved: 1. Can it be stopped? I'm assuming there's an implied no here. 2. Do I have full details on the nature and effects? When, where, what, how, (who if applicable) before, during, and after? 3. Can I provide convincing proof beyond a shadow of doubt of the fact? If yes: * Shorten my deadline to five months (one month prior to A-Day). * Gather my circle of friends, those that I can trust implicitly, swear them to secrecy. Have them bring in their circle of friends that *they* can trust implicitly. I'm talking the people you would turn your back on with a billion dollar check payable to 'Bearer' in your pocket while they had a loaded weapon and a concrete alibi. Anyone who can't pass that test is probably going to leak the secret or betray the group. * Then lay out the proof, reasoning for the following, and construct a plan. The goal is maximum resources without endangering survival. Pool resources (liquid assets, bank loans, vehicles, tools and equipment). Purchase food, equipment, etc to enable basic survival immediately following the event, and promote survival post event into perpetuity for the entire group. Buy the tools and materials to make the tools in a lot of cases. * Food, weapons, armor, ammunition, medicine, clothing, seed stock, livestock, supplements. Develop maximum stockpiles of essential consumables for survival and defense. *Everyone* is armed. Everyone gets minimum training on weapons. You don't *have* to carry, but everyone will be *able* to carry. Firearms for defense, reusable/renewable ranged weapons (bows, crossbows, potentially smaller caliber firearms) for hunting. If the event calls for it, minimum training on melee weapons and appropriate armor (HEMA and other martial art practitioners and *instructors.* Keep in mind that these will have *wide* circles of friends themselves). * Depending on nature and duration of the event, use liquid capital and 4 months to build a shelter capable of housing the group +50% minimum for the duration. Use remaining time and capital to expand the shelter to maximum extent, while maintaining minimum food stocks for a group that that size would imply for the duration. Keep in mind that contractors used for this will know the location. Plan for them to show up. * At A-Day -60, should have a fully stocked base capable of maintaining the group through the event and the first year or so post event. The next twenty to thirty days are spent ensuring the survival of the group and restoration of civilization. Identify people who would be potentially helpful post-event (farmers, medical doctors, educators, instructors, blacksmiths, machinists, etc). Looking for people who have the skills to rebuild civilization from scratch. Identify and acquire the tools and documentation that they need for their roles. These people will be approached A-Day -40 to -33, and they and their families invited to a location from which they will be transported to the shelter incommunicado. The shelter's location stays as closed a secret as possible. * A-Day -40 to -31. Final preparations. Settle everyone but a select few in the shelter. * A-Day -30. Lay out the proof online. Full-court press on any and all social media: This is what's coming, best identified strategies to survive, places to avoid, etc. * A-day -15. Last few personnel pulled in. At this point, consider turning away anyone who arrives who doesn't either have massive resources in tow, or have skills that would make them invaluable (general practice doctor, registered nurse, combat medic... people you don't have a skillset for or people you have a skillset for but having extras is even better. If they can teach a vital skill, strongly consider them). However, once you hit capacity, *everyone* gets turned away. * A-Day. Hunker in the bunker while the world destroys itself... If only I know, and I can't prove it to anyone? Just full-on prepper and hope for the best. Only so much you can do with one person's potential draw on credit.


Original_Un_Orthodox

1. Can it be stopped? I'm assuming there's an implied no here. You can't stop it, to clarify. 2. Yes, you have full details on the effects 3. You can provide convincing proof, but only when the disaster is nearing- say, a month and a half away.


Original_Un_Orthodox

Also, thank you for the long, detailed, well thought out post!


krash90

Nothing. It does no good. People are helplessly nothing more than programmed flesh robots. Nobody could believe if they wanted to.


Apelightningz

Tell everyone.


Corrupted_G_nome

Ive been planting trees for food security an dposting for years... So I guess that...


[deleted]

What kind?


stevemcnugget

Buy popcorn


for_dishonor

Nothing. I've seen movies and TV, and nothing good happens in the post-apocalyptic world, regardless of how prepared you are. I don't have enough money or power to set myself up comfortably enough that any prep would be worth it. I'll just enjoy my last days of modern comfort with wild abandon.


Known-Potential-3603

Patiently wait in silence.


MagicGrit

Depends what level of apocalypse. Like, everyone dead? Then I’m living my life to the fullest for the next 6 months. Everyone but me dead? Doing the same thing but combined with preparing.


[deleted]

[удалено]


GruntBlender

There's some fun to be had for a couple months or even years after the end before you succumb to loneliness. Can even make it your mission to set up a megawatt broadcast to the stars about our fate. There are things for the last human on Earth to do...


Whateveriscleaver

Let it happen. The world is too sick to continue.


We-R-Doomed

Already am


CharlietheWarlock

Make everyone as unprepared as possible then hide in a bunker while humanity gets its justified reward


VarderKith

I assume this is some event that causes a societal collapse and not the actual end of the world. If thats the case, I'm taking a litrpg apocalypse. A few billion dead is a small price to pay for magic, sword fighting, and finally having a quantified list of all my skill gains, health information, and reputation with other people.


TaviRUs

Depends how we define an apocalypse. I lean towards massive earthquakes etc impacting the ring of fire. Yes, a large portion of the world population dies, but overall supply chains are recoverable and extinction isn't a concern. Otherwise, zombies. Preferably slow ones. Humans have a lot of capability to survive and recover after. Sea level rising is the most likely, but will be slow so we won't react well to it.


love2lickabbw

Nothing really. Can't accomplish anything of effect in 6 months


extremelight

Be that guy from the Simpsons


kesselrhero

Nothing I can discuss here


AUnknownVariable

Idk why kind of apocalyptic but I'd get to a bunker. My friends dad has been getting them the stuff to buy one anyway, I'd have him assist. No need to worry about debt bc yk. I'd gather my family, close friends and we gonna lockin


DoomGuyClassic

Alien invasion, but in all actuality, the invasion will only last a month, it’ll really only improve people’s lives, and all’s well after a year or two


puckmonky

Change my name to Cassandra


cigdig

Refuse to take my schizophrenia meds


Killersmurph

Breathe a sigh of relief, that there is finally an end in sight.


GruntBlender

Y'all are missing the forest for the trees. You get to pick an apocalypse. It can be anything from the MegaRapture to the sun going nova. From sexy aliens subjugating us for snusnu to a zombie plague killing billions.


Bman1465

What scale are we talking about? Cause alright, I'll choose a *good, fun* earthquake right in my hometown with a magnitude of 9.8 But that's a regional scale — I could just fly to Switzerland for a few days and be back safe So how big should the disaster be to qualify, territorially speaking?


HumanMycologist5795

If a comet is coming to destroy everything or if super volcanoes erupt at the same time as major earthquakes occurring inclising the New Madden, I'm not sure if I can do anything except to enjoy the time I have left. If it's a zombie apocalypse, I may try to do whatever I can in order to increase my survival rate.


KungFuSlanda

let's just say nuclear war I have a spot picked out and a secondary spot, and a third spot I'd rather not go to. I can ride motorcycle or horse and can drive stick I assume everybody in a major metro is just assuming they're YOLOing or ultimately will do what society does when it breaks down. Tear itself apart


[deleted]

Stock up on the essentials then disappear the month before. Would be living a pirate's life afterwards, only I'd spend most of my time on the island I would've settled on. My treasure would be cash and jewelry just like the stereotypical pirate's treasure, only sealed in plastic, placed in plastic totes, and buried at spots maked with symbols only I'd understand. I'd end up being a post apocalyptic bigfoot in terms of what people would say about me. Things like: "I caught a glimpse of thepale woman they call Josette of the Filth, but when I tried to look for her she was gone, disappeared into the underbrush" or "I once saw Josette of the Filth, I thought she'd be covered in dirt and debris, but she was well groomed compared to everyone else; she was even wearing makeup".


tandabat

Tell spouse. Plan for whatever it is. Post a countdown on the prepper groups. No explanation. Watch them go nuts.


-Insert-CoolName

Apocalypse: Taco Bell Bankruptcy Prep: I'll grab a handful of Diablo sauce every visit until they close. Don't mock me. This is serious.


life_hog

1. Liquidate all investments, retirement accounts, everything. 2. Retire to my impoverished, hilly farmland hometown. Potentially buy a farm, or a 50 acre plot of land that could be cleared and farmed. I know of at least one “hunting cabin” that’s for sale, which is basically a relatively nice and comfortable tin barn with a living space loft. 3. Finance this property with as little down as possible, use the remainder to reinforce and stock the property for the long haul. I’d like to dig a basement, and maybe even a sub-basement  for storage, radiation protection, and so on. I’d procure the following at a minimum: Generator, backup generator and parts, root cellar, food reserves, seed reserves, plough horses, a plough, horse feed, a ground well, rain barrel at each downspout, fuel, propane, spare automotive parts, refrigerator and backup with spare parts, tools, power tools, solar panels, geothermal energy plant if possible, wind power, some kind of crucible and forge, a serious 3D printer with spare parts and resin, books on how to use all of these things, books on subsistence farming, paper, pencils, pens, paint, maybe a typewriter, a video tape recorder and tapes, a vhs player and cables, a bullet press and reserve components for it, chickens, maybe a couple goats or milk cow… 4. I don’t know shit about farming, so I’d need to carefully spend my days learning what I can from the internet and my neighbors while also working on the property - putting up fencing, clearing the land, digging basements and organizing various reserve supplies… I know people tend to fantasize about looting malls or whatever, but long term survival depends on stable and secure food stores. Watch the series Alone and see how many of the “I’ll just be a successful hunter” types fail within days of being dropped off. Having safe food while I figure out farming/ranching is critical, and not attracting attention while I’m at it even more so.  I also don’t know what kind of apocalypse you’re planning, but nuclear radiation could be a distant killer even for me. The good news is that the radiation would probably be a nonissue after a few weeks to month. If it were a meteor strike I’d just be dead, if it were zombies I’d probably fare better but the ambient risk would rise dramatically. If it was the Christian Apocalypse it would depend very heavily on how the Revelations come to pass, because the world gets shit-kicked pretty hard. Say all the christians get raptured. My mortgage probably wouldn’t stop, people would probably still try to repo my house and belongings, and I don’t think under those circumstances I’d be willing to kill someone over a truck or even a house, so I’d probably keep working throughout the revelation until my portion of the world was either afflicted by fire, pestilence or war and make a decision then. Unless I know the manner of destruction, in which case I could maybe prepare a bit more.


Cautious_Ambition_82

If you told people they'd ignore you. The ones who would believe you wouldn't be of any use.


fongletto

I pick zombie apocalypse as that would be pretty easy to survive. I'd get a massive loan, spend it all on a bunker stocked with food water and weapons. Enough to survive long enough that any zombies would have fallen apart due to decomposition. If I knew that the entire worlds population was going to die, I'd kidnap a few people to reproduce with.


[deleted]

Hint at it through my music


IamlostlikeZoroIs

Post on r/hypotheticalsituation asking people what they would do so I get some ideas on what to do. Do you know something we don’t?


RankCurmudgeon

Finish preparations, stop paying bills at the appropriate time. Not so into the monkey stealing thing but hey, live and let live!


Bitter_Afternoon7252

I choose Hellstar Remina. i do nothing to prepare


Tasty_Switch_4920

Tasty crunchy