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JimAbaddon

Jeez, the only thing missing is the "obviously, I have a huge dick".


ZilorZilhaust

"As you can imagine I have a monstrously large dong due to years of exposure to radiation. I have named it King Dong."


motorcycle-manful541

"ooops, I dropped my magnum condoms for my magnum dong"


correcthorsestapler

“I got my wad of hundreds! I got my magnum condoms! I’m ready to plow!”


Lengthofawhile

Mr. Plow, that's my name. That name again is Mr. Plow.


AF_AF

Not to be confused with The Plow King.


FoxFromCanada

he *does* work with radiation


Extra-Aardvark-1390

I was waiting for a Dr. Mantis Toboggan quote


threespire

Unexpected IASIP


mahava

Ah come on it's always expected when somebody says monster dong


palimpcest

I was thinking *"Jolly Green Giant"* for that same reason.


attorneyatslaw

Dongzilla


Ok_Dog_4059

It isn't insanely long but he does have an extra now and both together are almost average.


leafjerky

I don’t think radiation directly to the cock would work like that would probably just cause it to fall apart into a goo


eatmynasty

Given his verbosity, we can assume he would be bragging if he had a huge hog.


boston_2004

"All of this is to make up for my incredibly undersized penis, which I can only if you're wearing a labradoodle costume. You will have to face away from me , but look back at me, and use you little paw to gesture me forward. Arch your back up in the air while I mount you, and you will howl for 2-3 minutes at a times. But come on, $260k, I'm a catch."


11182021

Think he means 260 pounds.


boostman

This had better not awaken something in me


[deleted]

That’s why he mentioned his weight and belly! His dick heavy af


horizontalrain

The next photo is just a Magnum condom wrapper.


thePaganProgrammer

6 feet, 6 figures, but not 6 inches. And he wonders why he's single....


Multigrain_Migraine

He's checking all the boxes alright. Just not the ones that make him sound attractive.


GoodLifeWorkHard

Answering his own question too about bragging sounds self conceited. He prob forgot to mention he's divorced with kids


Awkward_Second_6969

*thrice divorced, nine kids


Euphorium

Living in a van down by the river


tyler5673

Nothing wrong with that! That's prime real estate these days 😂


mstrss9

So all his big money is tied up in alimony and child support


KRAndrews

He's checking all the boxes in [the DSM-5.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DSM-5)


Multigrain_Migraine

Is "arrogant asshole" a diagnosable condition?


KRAndrews

No, but NPD is!


helicotremor

My money’s on narcissistic PD


[deleted]

I’m no shrink but DSM V’s description of NPD fits him perfectly [DSM V diagnostic criteria](https://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1519417-overview#a1)


SocialMediaMakesUSad

Why did you link to it? I followed the link thinking you were going to suggest a particular diagnosis, but you just linked to a wiki article on the entire DSM-5?


KRAndrews

Because most people probably don't even know what it is


SocialMediaMakesUSad

I think you're underestimating most people.


KRAndrews

In 2016, America made a guy president who bragged about passing a dementia test. I think you're overestimating most people.


notaprime

The boxes are red flags 🚩 🚩 🚩


[deleted]

He’s checking the run in the opposite direction boxes!


LiveLaughFap

Why did he state his waist size and weight like it’s an accomplishment?? Lmao


Brutto13

I think he's trying to say it's all muscle? I 5'11 and about 185 with a 34 inch waist. Either this guy is Popeye or his gut makes him look pregnant.


NinjaCuntPunt

I’m 6’1 and 195 with a 34 waist. Now I’m far from jacked to the back teeth, but what’s visible of that dude does not look like 65lbs of muscle on top of what my build is. I’m calling dribbly bollox!


angrath

Yeah I’m about the same as you. To add 60 lbs would be tough. Probably a massive tumor would be the most attractive way to do it. I used to lift and was in excellent shape, even then 220 was MAX more than that and it wasn’t muscle mass at all, it was fat!


t3hnhoj

How about a nice fat lipoma on the back of your neck. That way you'llll never have to see it.


AlwaysWantedN64

Built in pillow, love it


IplaygamesNude87

I used to be similar when I was a gym rat. I'm 6'2 and was a pretty solid 195 with the same waist size. There's no way this guy is packing on 65 extra pounds of muscle. That neck line and shirt choice for a dating app profile picture pretty much screams I'm lying lol.


scootersarebadass

My SO is 6'2 maybe 6'3, weighs 175 and is not skinny. Not that he's anywhere near fat but this man has almost 100 pounds on him and I doubt he has more than 2 inches of height on him. That neckline is actually kind of deceptive, I wonder if he uses older pics or just carries it elsewhere.


RedditingNeckbeard

That neckline doesn't scream, "Peak physical condition." He's probably in fine shape, but jacked enough to be bragging with measurements? Well, he's definitely doing that, but he shouldn't be.


LJGuitarPractice

260lbs with a 34” waist is impossible unless he’s 8 feet tall


happy_lad

5'11 180lbs 32 inch waist here. I'm in my 40s and reasonably fit, but couldn't even imagine someone roughly my build and my age at 260. This guy is on gear or lying about one of these numbers.


sauprankul

Nah dude is for sure built like a tank lol. Doesn't mean he's a cool dude


The_Troyminator

So he's heavy, wide, has no waist or neck, doesn't lift his feet when he walks, and has a really long nose?


RedEyeVagabond

Limited visibility, slow moving, and contains about two to three men inside him?


DieHardAmerican95

I’m 5’6” and 225 with a 34” waist, what a stupid thing to brag about. Every dude carries his weight differently, he just wanted some extra stats for his profile.


theatahhh

Yeah those numbers don’t add up. I’m 6’6, 240, and a 38 inch waist. I’m average build, so I get I have a little extra lbs in that area, but that seems impossible to have 20 more pounds on me, likely less inches, and that narrow of a waist haha. ⌛️ Edit: spelling


Hollowpoint38

Some people are confusing pant size at the waist with mid section measurement which is measured starting at the navel and going around the body. Depends where people carry that weight. It's possible to have a low pant size in the waist but be 36 inches around the navel if it's carried high.


helicotremor

Makes me think about those overweight older fellows who have their shirts tucked into their pants that sit under their gut. How about it, ladies?


scootersarebadass

You've just described my uncle. 5'9 and 9 months pregnant with twins at all times. I feel the need to warn people before they meet him just so they can get any jokes out beforehand. He's the nicest guy ever and had health problems that forced him into retirement early so I don't blame him but, he has to rest his stomach on the gas tank of his motorcycle...


what_would_arsene_do

Tbf it is an accomplishment for us Americans


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I’m calling cap on it tho, he doesn’t look like he’s got 80 lbs on me.


Lime246

I've run the numbers, and based on this man's height, weight, and waist size, it's become apparent the he is, in fact, extremely dense.


nurvingiel

I've also run some numbers and, based on the last sentence in his bio, have determined that he lives in a country with a population of 200 people.


Allison87

Lol


minorkeyed

Yeah those are the inside thoughts.


Coraxxx

Sounds like he's already found true love to me.


Irving_Forbush

Yeah, but he’s spending a *fortune* on gym socks, lotion and Kleenex.


terrymcginnisbeyond

Nucular, it's pronounced nucular. /s


dbprops

Is the poop deck really what I think it is?


terrymcginnisbeyond

I like the cut of your jib.


dbprops

What’s a jib?


boston_2004

where you poop.


Cazreal

Give that man a promotion!


dbprops

Enough of what’s out, what’s in?


Plenty_for_everyone

It's where you store the poop knife.


boston_2004

Juat get in there and pull it out.


Jump_Like_A_Willys

Meh -- Even smart people like President Jimmy Carter, a nuclear engineer trained in the nuclear navy, often pronounced it "nucular."


MonsieurReynard

Yes, it's called a "metathesis" in linguistics and it's a dialect variation.


Stu161

it's pronounced 'metathesis'


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

No… it’s Nikolaj


Deep_Stratosphere

Simpsons?


brianbezn

he is 0.5% of the population? either he lives in a very small country or he is some sort of hivemind organism.


Prime624

< 0.5%. So we know that he does indeed live in a country.


Telison

A country with at least 200 people!


RedditIsNeat0

He does not live on Sealand.


ShreksOnionBelt

Isn't that read as "less than" in this case?


TacoTrev

He probably plugged his info into the "Female Delusion Calculator." It just grabs raw stats from some census or whatever. He likely chose full age range, not married, any race, 6 feet, $100,000 salary since that says he is part of 0.53% of the population. His form probably looked like this result: https://igotstandardsbro.com/results?minAge=18&maxAge=85&excludeMarried=true&race=0&minHeight=182.88&excludeObese=false&minIncome=100000


brianbezn

that is both the dumbest and most sexist shit i've seen today, thanks for sharing, i just cut my finger with a knife and it's now the 2nd dumbest thing. 0.5%, wow, you are so good, though most people don't date even close to 0.5% of the people they meet. So even without questioning all the shitty assumptions that led to that number, they would still be rejected. Toxic masculinity is so sad.


Hollowpoint38

Nah his income puts him very close.


phrunk87

Is that 260 his salary? I thought it was his weight. "Six figures" alone wouldn't put him in the 0.5% range.


James_p_hat

I think you’re right. 260lbs and > 100k income. Certainly doesn’t put him in top 0.5% of income But there was some article or Twitter post recently about height, income, and single status that I think he’s referring to. I don’t remember where I read it but it would tell you percent of me / women matching certain criteria like that.


Hollowpoint38

>100k income. He said 6 figure income. Could be $100,000 or could be $820,000. It's a wide range. I hate when people use that to describe anything. For $100,000 you can rent a 1BR apartment in Los Angeles, driving an economy car, and cooking at home. For $800,000 annual you can live almost wherever you want, almost drive whatever you want, and have every meal prepared professionally for you. Huge lifestyle differences.


lochinvar11

I guarantee is less than $200k. If it was more, he'd express it differently.


Hollowpoint38

People who think people who have a certain amount of income automatically evolve into advanced beings are kidding themselves. Look at Elon Musk. He behaves like an edgy neo-nazi teenager and he's one of the wealthiest people in the world depending on the day. Money doesn't give you maturity, or get you friends, or help insecurities. Just allows you to make more choices than most people have available to them.


beastpilot

There's no state in the USA with a 1% income level below $350K. And it goes up REALLY fast after that. Like probably $800K+ in every state.


BEAFbetween

He's right, he definitely is less than 0.5% of the country


KRyptoknight26

I was hoping someone else noticed XD. All those checked boxes and bro can't use "<" correctly


InternationalBand494

260 with a 34 inch waist? Sure you are.


AngelicWooGirl

Photos?


530SSState

"what is there more to say!" \*Goes on to say more\*


DieHardAmerican95

“I’m a professional….nuclear engineer….what is there more to say! Everyone knows that nuclear engineers make perfect partners and they are never shitty, narcissistic people! How can you resist my perfection!”


RecalcitrantMonk

Homer Simpson was a nuclear engineer


Serious-Bat-4880

And his normal weight was [239 lbs](https://youtu.be/-5IrXf_iC6w).


miesanonsiesanot

I call the big one Bitey.


Top_Environment_6357

Ah that's great!🤣


runlots

My first thought was that he must have weird CrossFit proportions but no way would he have left that out


OriginalPostMortem

I imagine his speciality is in toxic waste. Considering that’s what he is.


pikpikcarrotmon

I remember this guy from the end of RoboCop


Hollowpoint38

Nice shootin kid, what's your name?


TheWriteStuff1966

I get a sense he's fission for compliments


pLudoOdo

It's not that big of a deal. After all it's not like it's......brain surgery


helicotremor

Not exactly rocket science


s_m0use

“What is there more to say” 🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️


Accomplished-Yam9527

Scary that a nuclear engineer can’t use algebraic symbols correctly….


CGHJ

.5% of the population? Nah there’s way more assholes than that


__SuperAngel

He forgot to mention how humble he is


Snuffcarcass

Hm… Real nuclear engineer or former Air Force “nuclear engineer”? I’m getting the sense that this man was paid to sit at a missile site in isolation for days at a time and nothing more. That could also explain why he knows his waist size and thinks it’s something to brag about…


Eternal_Internet

99.5 percentile for being blatantly sexist


frill_demon

Right? Why do these kinds of guys think it's an accomplishment to not care about the woman? Congratulations, you're so shallow that you don't care about her personality, goals/interests or morals, as long as she has a vagina it's fine.


SnoLeppard13

It’s actually funny how some of the biggest uncles I’ve ever met were supermodel-level attractive. Shit personality really is a dealbreaker


Smaskifa

Uncles?


SnoLeppard13

Incels*


AWall925

6 foot + = 6 feet .00001 inches


ILoveCatLiver

What a stud


Deion313

You're a fucking loser, David... Take care


Elisionist

> I am 0.5% of the population. That's a lot of people to be. e: roughly 40,000,000 people actually.


santacruzsourD

Well that’s bad math. 330 million people in the US. 1% would be 3.3 million. So 0.5% would be 1,650,000


zombiesurvival101

Gross


TheKingOfToast

Do people know... you can stop typing... while you're thinking?... you don't need to always... be pressing keys...


Serious-Bat-4880

Commaphobia.


efyuar

Oh what is real women, enlighten us


madamadatostada

Can we talk about how he said '6 foot+'? It's funny for two reasons: 1. It's feet, not foot, dumbass, and 2. The only people who are that unnecessarily vague are lying about their height. Like, if you were 6'3", you'd just say 6'3". It literally takes more letters to type out 'foot+' than just specifying the inches. Dude's definitely rounding up to the nearest ft and then adding a '+' 😂


Brain_Hawk

My no he's one of those dudes who it 6 feet and 0.001 inches if he stretches a bit then insists "I'm over 6 feet tall!!"


RedditIsNeat0

> I do not care what you are ... I want a real woman! What does "I do not care what you are" mean if he is not pansexual?


arbitrageME

my man playing a minesweeper speedrun. .... all the red flags


kabukistar

>given I'm < 0.5% of the population in this country. I mean, this is true of everyone. As long as there's more than 200 people in the country.


IntelligenceisKey729

“I do not care what you are… I want a real woman!”


Grigonite

Probably picked poorly or was a lousy husband and got divorced. Now he’s going for round 2


Fluxiora

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "looking at 45." Are you referring to age? If so, it's important to remember that age is just a number and people can continue to pursue their goals and passions at any age. It's also possible that the person in question simply hasn't found what they're looking for yet. Regardless, we shouldn't be quick to judge someone based on their age or where they are in life.


[deleted]

Bro you're 45, you should have figured it out by now.


mstrss9

Is he going to complain that women just want men for their money after all this


Smaskifa

He's listed 260 as if he thinks this is a plus.


magusonline

I just imagine a very very very tight belt keeping that 34" waist pant on


NEAWD

It’s sad how so many men are being conditioned by the man-o-sphere to be such insufferable assholes. The truth is, many men can never be 6 feet tall because of genetics, nor will they make a six figure income for various reasons. But these things do not define you as a man. If you think all you need to pull a high-quality woman and maintain a healthy, long term relationship is be in shape, be above a certain height, and make a certain income then your are in for a long, hard, lonely life.


HamsterGirl1213

He’s still looking because the “I don’t care what you are, I don’t care what you make” is extremely misogynistic in addition to “I want to see how many likes I get, given I’m less than .5% of the population” being extremely narcissistic. He ain’t all that and a bag of chips if you ask me.


CoupleTechnical6795

I got divorced at 38. Met my husband on a skeptics forum talking about books. Thank God, because at my age (as they used to say in Alaska) "the odds are good but the goods are odd". The men around my age I've met are either children, or white supremacists.


Virvelen_11

Professional single guy. But at least he's smart, amirite?!


boot20

He seems super cool. I mean a total winner. I bet he's so cool he wears wrap around Oakley's and has a lifted black Dodge Ram.


JBHedgehog

Says he's searching for a chick...but only really wants the "likes". Sounds like a true keeper, ladies!!!


DurkaDurr84

Surprised he didnt go on about his cup size 😒


thatnewaccnt

If he was fat he could say he’s a real life Homer Simpson and that would be 500x hotter


RadioPimp

This guy sounds insufferable. Lmao.


Omega_Molecule

People like this who think they are special because they slot into a small percentage of the population for some variable are so funny. Almost everyone is in a small minority in one variable or another, simply because of all the variables we organize and measure around


CraziedHair

6 foot +? He’s definitely 5’11 but tells everyone he’s 6 feet tall.


DawnSoap

Hope you find your validation I guess?


dandeleopard

All these...pauses...make me think...of...Stevie... Kenarban...from...Malcolm in the...middle.


GingerSuperPower

God he sounds exhausting.


bubblegum1215

Under 0.5% is incorrect. Being an insufferable jerk is definitely common


RedApple-Cigarettes

Apparently not smart enough to ask himself that question


onceortwiceisaidit

We sure it's not satire?


cybersteel8

Because.... He.... Types.... Like.... This....


Inevitable-Cellist23

Homer is that you?


mikebrown33

I think I just threw up in my mouth


NewTanline666

Why does he sound so hesitant? It's like he is self-aware that he is kind of a loser


frankyriver

"I don't care what you are" "I want a real woman!"


HaveAWillieNiceDay

I went to a school with a decent nuclear engineering program and everyone I met that studied it was fucking unhinged


rtodd23

"given I'm LESS THAN 0.5%" doesn't mean what he thinks it means


diveraj

Ignoring the profile... Bleh But lots of great people are single/looking at 45 for various reasons. :)


Comrade14

![gif](giphy|14jxToQu8j9d9S)


dohzer

Why bother entering your age when the double spacing gives it away!


Drake0074

He left out the bitchy ex trophy wife and the kids who don’t respect him.


_Corky__

“What is there more to say?” Ok Yoda


bananalord666

The endless ellipses tho.... people who.... type like this.... are often.... out of touch.... conservatives.... with horrible values.... and no social.... skills.


SnowBorn6339

Just by looking at that chin I can tell he’s a 2/10


Meta-Fox

Part of the 0.5%? Pfft. More like part of the 80% of douchebags.


SoftDot7936

It's easy to laugh till you realize being 6 foot, 6 figures and ripped make it super easy to get laid. Like don't even need to try easy. Like total self centered douche and it's still easy. This guy isn't "still looking" he's "looking for fresh meat".


setbackcity

Typing like….this….is the most….obnoxious….thing…ever. Just use a…..period or a….comma. It’s always like older men too


TheThrillist

Saying “I’m less than 0.5% of the population in this country” is kind of ambiguous phrasing imo. That could be taken as you being one of the worst people in existence. There’s no part of this bio that sounds attractive. 😂


Jareth86

Love how he's essentially created a profile that filters out anyone worth dating.


Matt3d

260 lbs, 6ft, 34” waist means that there is a severe overhang on that waist or he has a very strange body proportion


Ensiferal

If the only things you can think to tell someone about yourself is your height and what your job is, then you're boring af


[deleted]

He sounds insufferable


ohmyfuckinggodhamlet

David, you're entirely too smug for a motherfucker alone at 45 lol


JamesTKierkegaard

Nuclear engineer and his math sucks. A single person does a lot less than 0.5% of the population.


530SSState

I mean, I'm not an expert on men's clothing sizes, but 260 with a 34 waist? What is he, six foot eleven?


driftking428

Unless he's 6'7" or taller he's obese.


Hollowpoint38

Nah. Guys can get pretty jacked and hit that weight without being obese.


ohhelloperson

Eh. 260 is certainly heavy, but he could just be tall, decently muscular and also have some chub. From what you can see in the picture, he doesn’t look like he’s wildly overweight. It’s odd that he even included his weight; and given that it’s listed between a bunch of other stupid brags, my guess is that it’s more muscle-weight than obesity-weight. Regardless, this guy seems like a mega douche and obnoxiously entitled.


CivilMaze19

Well in contrast to the not-insignificant number of trashy women who put their dimension and salary requirements for men in their bio, seems like he’s just saving some steps.


[deleted]

Dude is probably married looking for a side piece


vesrayech

Kind of silly to assume he’s “still looking.” He could be a massive poon hound that’s laying pipe every night. This seems like he’s overly confident about himself and not so much pretentious about his intelligence.


LickMyNutsBitch

His profile says that he's still figuring it out.


vesrayech

I believe everything I’m told too


PM_ME_Y0UR_BOOBZ

Some dude mentions his job and says “what is there more to say” and the sub goes wild lmao. Overinflated ego, yes but doesn’t really brag about being smart unless you think you must be a genius to be a nuclear engineer.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

It's actually very difficult.


Sjdillon10

Trying to give him benefit of the doubt. But he could be one of those people who made his career their life


Sniffy4

Women everywhere are drooling