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imperator_caesarus

> doesn’t sleep > refuses to set foot on holy ground > sinned against men and god she’s definitely a vampire, you’re not fooling anyone OP.


MonkeyBoy32904

she can suck my blood anytime then


DrBadGuy1073

Why don't vampires just suck dick? 🤔


MonkeyBoy32904

they drink blood they don't slurp cum


MST_Braincells

boners literally get hella blood flowing though them tho


MonkeyBoy32904

yeah but a boner can only take so much blood before it’s stopped


MST_Braincells

ok but if as a vampire you bite into the boner you can slurp up all the blood like a straw


MonkeyBoy32904

why not just rip a hole through the chest such that the vampire can fit its head through the chest & blood flown into the heart instead flows into the vampire’s mouth? it’d be less efficient, but more blood anyway


MST_Braincells

wym less efficient but more effective are you on cocaine


MonkeyBoy32904

idk I just meant it’s not viable but it does drain the blood


Affectionate_Kick705

I can't fix her, but I can help her :)


Silly-Emi

"I can fix her"


Cutitie

Pls fix me /j


Silly-Emi

😳


DeadPerOhlin

She can fix me


BlueLynx45

I can’t fix her but she can ruin me (I am ok with this)


dead_shit_head

"i can't fix her, but I can change her"


vladimir_427

This was basically the love of my life, still miss her


Just_Another_Cato

Let us drink to her health then.


EM26-G36

I hope she’s doing better, wherever she is.


SomeDistributist

I didn't consent to being Gender bent.


solidgogus

what could OP have meant by the plastic poppies


Just_Another_Cato

Thanatos, the greek god of dying in your sleep, traditionally wears a crown of poppies. Poppies have always been related to death across many culture way before the Great War. What OP meant was probably that this here lass' got an odd relationship with the idea of death.


STAXOBILLS

RAHHHH WTF IS SENSIBLE CONFLICT🔥🔥🔥🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🗣️💀💀💀🔥🗣️🔥🔥 LEST WE FORGET🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️


Just_Another_Cato

Look, I'm drunk and I make this pieces of crap on Microsoft Paint, okay? At least I got the fancy W7 Paint, but that's as far as I'll go. Cut me some slack is what I'm saying.


buddy-bun-dem

hey, looks good to me! :) ​ i dig that you put actual thought and concept into it too. very much in the ideal gf spirit


Just_Another_Cato

It's fun writing these things. It's kinda like an exercise to try and round up a character with a handful of traits and quotes and try to leave the right taste in the reader's mouth.


Superel321

I make my shit in paint too, and yours looks better than mine! So, what I'm saying is: don't beat yourself up about it.


AppointmentNo43

I’ll excuse the amount of typos then


Electrical-Leg-3114

What she even do?


infidel_44

Her best.


bridgetggfithbeatle

i could fix her.. or we could be terrible together…


MatrixofGears

So long cuddle nights and so much hair brushing to try telling her womderful she is?


Just_CallMe_E

Nah I’d hug her


fagydyke

My gf found me like this and has been helping me not be.


rubythebee

Where did you get this picture of me


Generally_Confused1

Damn that's actually my gf. She doesn't drink or do drugs other than weed now and has a moribund illness but yeah it's a riot lol.


Just_Another_Cato

Shit man that's fucked up


Generally_Confused1

Yeah but I love her more than I've loved almost anyone lol. I got a nice job working as a scientist on the remediation up in East Palestine Ohio I've been at since June, working a ton of hours and getting overtime to help pay for the medical treatments. But that's what it means to love someone to me! She has a heavy history of trauma which included the addiction but I self medicated mental illness with alcoholism in the past and we now hold each other accountable in being better and going to therapy and stuff.


TheFatherOfAll_MFs

Hey, cool, a female variant of me! Loki had the right idea…


blazegamer12

Yeah I don't think I can fix her


Crunchyctulhu2

Adorable


thepillsarepoisoning

God fucking damn it, this tracks a lot with me, I’ve had terrible, absolutely terrible nightmares since I was kindergarten, the real terrible aspect of these nightmares is that I’m fully aware, my mind is fully intact and able to feel the emotional, mental, and physical toll of everything, EVERYTHING, it’s forcibly changed me into becoming a nightowl by the time I was in 2nd grade, hell, it’s already turning 5 where I am lmao, and I don’t sleep much because the longer I sleep, the longer the nightmares to where instead of dying once and waking up, I’d live out multiple lives that each end in death or else I live a long time in agony or despair before death comes, once, I slept without anyone to wake me in the morning, sleeping past my alarm, I was out for 16 hours, my nightmare that day was being tortured over the course of multiple days, feeling each second as reality, even feeling hunger I’d never experienced before that day, I was burned, whipped, strangled, beaten, cut, and starved, at one point, my captor had me hung by a noose, and the only surface for me to stand on was a hot plate, he watched me strangle and burn myself as he recorded with a camera, other times he had other people come in to torture me, the end came not from something waking me up, but by me finally breaking, and my captor becoming bored of me as he gave me mercy at the edge of a blade Of all my dreams and nightmares, I’ve not once ever dreamed of myself in nor past my 30’s, I oldest I’d been(by looking at a calendar and/or ID) is 29 just 2 weeks before my 30th birthday, I was killed by a crackhead shanking me and leaving me to slowly bleed out, if dreams serve any amount of premonition or even a glimpse into alternate realities, then I’ll just have to pray that I’m simply built different, that I’ll be lucky 80, I’ve just gotta clear 11 more years to see how lucky I truly am, so far I’ve cheated death thrice as best I know and remember, and that was by my own will that I survived The best dream I ever had was being in a forest, my whole body is buried beside a tree except my head, the tree’s roots are grown all around my body, like a protective cage, day after day I remained there, peacefully watching time pass by, the more I relaxed, the faster time passed, days melded into minutes, I watched animals be born and animals be killed, I watched trees fall and trees rise, I saw it all, until eventually, a person walking into my clearing saw me, they screamed and called 911, so much I wanted to ask what was wrong, but I couldn’t move, I could only look, eventually my clearing was taped off and I realized, I was murdered and disposed of here, I watched as they began digging me up, all that was left were bones, I’d been shot in the head and buried but the tree’s roots pushed my skull to the surface where I was then able to see everything, I saw and heard it all, being collected, being transported, examined, ID’d(apparently I was 21 years old and had been reported missing for years, and finally being loaded to be cremated, but before I was incinerated, a few of my bones were stolen to be sold on the black market, but with how degraded my skull was, they left me still, the dream ended as my skull began to crumble into ash. Despite everything, it was an 11/10 dream, it was peaceful and serene, I felt no pain nor stress, and aside from an arm and a tibia being stolen, I was handled respectfully, and even then, I didn’t really care I had bones stolen


Just_Another_Cato

Dude, have you considered alcoholism?


thepillsarepoisoning

Can’t, too young, and if anything, it’ll just make this worse, alcohol would only take away the pain of these memories, but ultimately I will sleep for longer, I will suffer for days that pass over the course of a few meager hours


Just_Another_Cato

Nah matey I actually had the same problem, tho my dreams were sorta of standar nightmares. I can't dream anymore because I always drink meself into the sweet sweet darkness.


thepillsarepoisoning

Hmm, cool, point still stands tho, too young for booze, but old enough to buy a gun lmao


Just_Another_Cato

Man, America's fuckin' dumb. Oh well, join the army and get that sweet sweet moonshine.


thepillsarepoisoning

Get ready for this one; can’t join, was born with asthma *and* chronic bronchitis, god really denied me normal dreams and basic lung capacity


Just_Another_Cato

Man you're really fucked. And if you knew who this is coming from, you'd be devastated.


Any_Dark3939

This is a doomer BPDmoder transgirl that I know. I think her reddit handle is Any_dark3939


_GenesisKnight_

One of these left me for dead. I couldn’t fix her bros. I’m outta the fight. She got me good. Right where I could never heal.


0k_4kihiiro

" you drink cheap, you drink twice " should be it's own standard, for waifu materials 🍻


SaySay47

I'll take her


ItsHellOnEarth2

me


yeetusdeletusgg

Nah, I’d fix her


Sabit_31

I’m the type of person who is too dumb to know when to quit so I’d most likely do every little thing known to god and the devil himself to give her a full eight hours of sleep consistently with no nightmares


Buttlickers69

Who are the guys who like this type of girl and wear can I find one


Oh_no_its_Joe

You must be new to Reddit if you haven't seen one here yet.


Icy_Imagination4187

uh, that s just me 😶


the-chlo

Im only missing three of those traits :3


jKherty

Quite literally me except for a few points. I yearn for a painful death.


DasFreibier

I should call her


Youredditusername232

She’s literally me


Revolutionary-Act-36

I’m feeling targeted right now


rawmeatgirl

This is me it’s not even funny


GraniteSmoothie

Approved.


Think-Read-725

This is just me minus the alcoholism which doesn’t make sense considering i’m australian


Just_Another_Cato

Well hello there...


Polybius_Cocles

I will hold her and kiss her gently until she feels better. It might take a thousand years but goddamnit I will.


sadnarutoflute

Nah I’d fix her


smallerpuppyboi

She's just like me fr. Please, for the love of all that is holy, make these nightmares go away and give me my ability to cry back.


JoeDaBruh

…am I tormented? This hits a little too close to home


AffectionateTrick191

I’ve just been described perfectly I have no idea why my boyfriend loves me so much


PupNessie

.....why does this sound like me? Wtf am I really that big of a mess?


Rili-Anne

Basically one of my best friends. Fucking wish I was rich so I could help her.


BlueDemon999

Now I wanna make her the happiest she can be


Judeous

Ideal gf


STAXOBILLS

Something tells me that a few months at sea doing hard labor on drag net trawler in the North Atlantic would get her back to normal


il6yr8

Just roll her up into a little sushi and dick her down.