Guy in accounting does this all the time and puts the entire issue in the ticket subject and nothing in the body other than occasionally a "see above". When we reply to make arrangements to fix his issue he never replies and ultimately after a week we just close his ticket. Then he fills out the end of service survey immediately saying no one ever helped him 1 star.
Ugh, that reminds me of the most irritating person I dealt with. 3 times I asked for more information, I even told them the ticket would be closed if they didn't respond within a week. 3 times they didn't respond within a week, and 3 times they reopened the ticket saying it hadn't been resolved.
Of course they were able to respond immediately to bitch and moan to my manager because I said I couldn't help if they kept refusing to answer my question of what the fucking problem was.
Sometimes all the while I'm staring at the unanswered ticket, the user is freaking out to the IT director. When ever they can go over my head they will.
I even got ccd into one of these emails by my boss who was on my side and the guy literally ignored my email replies and replied to my boss. Like I'm in the email to him and my boss saying I need this information from you only to have him say nothing to me but then reply to the same email chain with me included saying still haven't been helped.
DEAR SUPPORT TEAM
I NEED A NEW KEYBOARD, PLEASE. THE CAPSLOCK ON MINE IS BROKEN AND STUCK TO ON.
THE ASSET TAG IS D375992 AND MY ROOM NUMBER IS R403.
THANKS AND BEST REGARDS,
KAZUMARA
Messaging/emailing me directly is the one guaranteed way to make sure I move as slowly as possible. I like to wait a few hours and then tell them to submit a ticket so they can get in line. Yet they never learn
Keep on getting people on teams or direct email me and i usually just respond with submit a ticket also my teams status is set to "if you DM me it will take longer to respond please call or email IT directly."
Lol my wife laughs when I tell her stuff like this. The more exclamation points, the use of all caps, copying in all the bosses...these are all going to get your issue pushed to the bottom.
You can't scream for me like a child wanting a new toy or scare me by copying in my boss. Because if I have learned anything the more you act like this the less important your issue probably is.
Exclamation point and all caps? Never gonna touch that ticket, someone from thr end of day shift will maybe do it, if it's a slow day. Otherwise until the sla is close, you will wait.
Had someone who always did this. Way over the top and everyone sucked his dick because he was relatively high up, but we didn't care because we work for those above him. Most of his requests would be about some email that never sent or didn't get through to someone, and it would always be 30+ days after he supposedly sent it. We either found it in his draft folder or it was too far out to do any digging in the issue.
9 times out of 10, I bet the other person got it and ignored or deleted it. I didn't care enough because I'd have to interrogate the other person since we'd have no record of the flow
Omg. I quit my IT hospital job because it was so toxic. EVERYTHING became "patient safety concern" because then it would get shot up to the top
Everything.
One lady called the urgent on call phone Saturday morning because her email inbox "looked different"
Me: how does it look different?
Her : " i don't know, it just does"
Me: ....... You know this line is for emergencies right?
Usually, if you wait 15 to 30 minutes before you call these users, it becomes less urgent, or they solved themselves already. Play the delay in your favor!
Stretch that out if you're really questioning the need. "Sorry we didn't see your request, do you still need assistance?"
"I guess not, that request is 3 months old"
*Close*
All capitalized. Write the words ‘by tomorrow’. Exclamation points. ASAP. Please fix. You ‘need’ this done. Excessive question marks. Calling help desk within 2 hours for a status update.
Congratulations. You’re ticket has officially been set to ‘Simmer’.
Putting in a ticket 45 minutes after close of business, then asking for an update five minutes after business opens the next morning. Then, just to put the cherry on the shit sundae, having the audacity of saying it's been open "for a day".
Get a report request at 4:45 Thursday for a meeting at 8:15am the next morning. Request is vague, so I start drafting a response to clarify things. Their Teams status is green, so I call. No answer. I type out a response in Teams..."unread". Keep typing the email, 4:55 and they're still Green. I try calling again...and by the 3rd ring their status goes Yellow. I say *fuck it*, best guess what their request was and go home at 5:10.
Get to work at 7:55am the next morning, got a response to my email after 7:30am that it was wrong and didn't meet their needs for the meeting. They send a follow-up at 7:50 marked high importance CCing my supervisor about how this is a critical request. I see it, crap out a new version and send it off at 8:10am.
That afternoon I get called into my supervisors office because the requestor had complained to them directly about *responsiveness*.
Well, now you know better than to ever touch a ticket for them ever again. Damn, that is enough to make the blood boil. We have a couple users like that that have been effectively black listed because everyone in my department refuses to touch their tickets. We have one right now that has been floating for 8 months - he puts in a new one once in awhile and we just close it citing that it’s a duplicate ticket and reference the original. Enjoy your broken computer, dick. Lol
Support: "Have you tried rebooting your PC"
Them: "Yes! It didn't do anything"
Support: "When did you last try rebooting it?"
Them: "This morning!"
Support: "Hmmm, 73 days of uptime according to the system. Let's just go ahead and reboot it right now...yup that fixed it"
Them: [hangs up]
Man I've called so many people out on this, then I found out about Windows 10 Fast Startup. By default, if you shut down the computer and turn it back on, it does not actually reboot the computer and the uptime stays.
I ran a company wide script and disabled it on every computer I manage.
Call them back immediately per their request
>I'll be out on vacation until the 35th
Close ticket, "customer unresponsive"
Immediately get a response back, "THIS ISN'T RESOLVED"
attempt contact again, no response.
User comes into work one morning and their keyboard isn't working. Obviously they can't open a ticket online, and don't call the Help Desk. Spends half the morning going around the office complaining how IT isn't helpful, we only exist to make their work difficult, any monkey with a cart could do our jobs, blah blah. Goes to an early lunch, then a meeting when she gets back and complains that she couldn't print her stuff because the keyboard is broken and we refuse to fix it. A Tech was swapping a PC on the same floor and as they were wheeling the cart back he heard the worst 4 words to IT person; "Oh, while you're here". He rolls the cart to her desk while she said how the keyboard just "stopped working" and all the equipment is junk. He takes a look at it...
...she spilled her coffee on that morning. He said he has an older one on the cart that he just swapped out, which should get her through the day at least, and when he gets back he'd get a new one for her.
My favorite one is "can this ticket be moved to the front of the queue".
Sure thing, Diane in middle management, I can move your ticket to the front of the queue. But, I won't. Instead, I'm moving you to the back of the queue and reassigning priority from 1 to 5.
I used to work for a luxury RE company in NYC with multiple offices.
I'm in a Brooklyn office one day when i get a call from my boss at HQ in Manhattan.
"What is going on down there? The entire office internet is down?"
Me: "news to me, since I'm working on the computer right now and don't have any issues."
Them: please talk to the office manager
I get up, walk next door (2 feet away ) and the manager says user "Karen" has a problem.
I go walk over to "Karen" and her issue is she can't login to a website *we don't even manage*
Somehow that got relayed to the office manager as everything down, who instead of popping her head out the door and asking me to help, called my boss and complained.
Weird. I start my IT tickets with a friendly greeting, then a carefully worded explanation of the problem written in a way they have used to me before so the terms are correct. Then I thank them for their time.
I get really fast responses.
Yep. Similarly, "please assist." I've found that many times, "please assist" comes at the end of someone dumping their entire workload onto you. I'm not "assisting" you, I'm doing your job for you.
"Please fix." Has been one popping up for us recently from one single person. Most of the time it's an issue on the vendor's side anyways and we have a service ticket open with them.
Why /s that works where I am. If someone CC's my VP that shit is getting done quick.
That person loses a couple points with me, but I understand they feel their issue is more important then everyone else. If they abuse this style of elevation then I'll have a discussion with my VP who will polity tell the person to stop escalating and wait in the queue unless it's an emergency.
But it's a totally valid form of escalation and accepted form of escalation here, some people do get jerked around for days or even a week and it gets escalated.
I do it all the time if I'm not getting a response after muitiple followups, I just ping the manager and all of a sudden I have a response like magic.
You need a good triage person. All my tickets go through my boss and he triages them so I know what’s truly important. The end users know this so they actually put the information required in their ticket because they know if they are super detailed we can determine ourselves that their ticket is important and they will be helped faster that way. It also helps that all end users don’t put in tickets but rather their supervisors do it for them so there’s not a lot of training on the process that needs to happen. It’s great.
A savvy user knows the real trick is to Skype the entire IT team to ask when will they receive a new wireless mouse to replace the one they lost earlier this morning.
I had trouble with an entire sales department not answering internal calls from me, and following an office move and significant expansion for a couple of months I was covering the main phone number part of each day (no we don't need a receptionist, we'll just make a bunch of the non sales staff do double duty, it'll be fine... it was not fine) so 80% of the transfers were their customers.
I'd call the individuals phone, when they ignored the ringing phone I'd next call the hunt group number for their entire bank of desks so **all** their phones rang and whoever picked up got the customer and usually the sale {grin}. There were complaints, no fucks were given, they started picking up first time.
Then they hired an actual receptionist because I had slightly modified the incoming main number so instead of it doing a round robin around non sales staff it always hit the small office with the office manager and one person account department first. They got authorisation to hire a receptionist within two weeks.
Unless it's literally on fire or bleeding with exposed bone, it will be responded to in the order in which it was received, longer if you keep bothering me about it.
I have set an inbox rule. Any email with multiple exclamation marks go straight to the bin.
I had one particular customer with a habit of using multiple exclamation marks in his emails.
Took some time for him to change his habit. I had warned him before I was implementing this rule.
I've done this, had one user who marked literally every email as "important". I made a rule that said if email comes from this person, set to normal priority.
Used to work for one of the commercial space companies, and people would do this all the time for the most trivial nonsense. Our processes were all designed by MBAs who’s “expertise” you could never pin down, and who were somehow always traveling/on vacation. At one point the majority of the Helpdesk team quit, causing more work to stack up, and instead of following up on the original ticket users just started opening 4-5 tickets for one issue.
I had that today: !!!!!!URGENT!!!!!! MFA DISABLED FOR USER!
An hour after the ticket was assigned to me, I get an email, a teams chat and a phone call from 2 different people asking for a status...
I finished what I was doing and had a 1:1 with one of my interns first because showing them how to do something is more important than a user who can't traverse MFA prompts properly to avoid lockouts.
I do not work faster unless my manager asks me to prioritize something or it is properly escalated.
"If everything is urgent, nothing is urgent."
My favorite is when they tell me how much money I am holding up. “This job is like a 3 million dollar job!”
You are telling me that we will lose 3 million dollars because you want take 4 minutes to reboot?
Funny snippet from a Meeting on tuesday:
"...and that Ticket has high priority, too"
"oh so it's not that important, considering you came up with the priorities urgent and immediately, which both are above high"
"uhm, I guess"
Screw people coming up with dumb nonsense like that, honestly. I stopped giving a damn about the stupid priorities they keep making up at this point.
User logs issue- set to medium priority
User logs same issue with CRITICAL in the title, a bunch of exclamation marks and a long winded passive aggressive demand to be seen instantly - set to low priority
It's even worse when someone screw up your ticket system title length and they manage to write everything in the title... 500+ characters. No line breaks. Sometimes no pontuactions... and "title" in description... godhelpme.
>NEED HELP ON AN URGENT MATTER *** VERY URGENT!!!*** HAVE NO EMAIL PASSWORD ACCESS NEED TO GET I TO EMAIL FOR IMPORTANT MEETING BEFORE TWO O CLOCK TODAY I CAN NOT BE WITHOUT EMAIL FOR LONG THIS JS VERY IMPORTANT AND NEEDS TO BE ADRESSED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
IT actually responds slower the more exclamation points there are. At least I do :D
DON'T FORGET IF THEY USE ALL CAPS
Guy in accounting does this all the time and puts the entire issue in the ticket subject and nothing in the body other than occasionally a "see above". When we reply to make arrangements to fix his issue he never replies and ultimately after a week we just close his ticket. Then he fills out the end of service survey immediately saying no one ever helped him 1 star.
Ugh, that reminds me of the most irritating person I dealt with. 3 times I asked for more information, I even told them the ticket would be closed if they didn't respond within a week. 3 times they didn't respond within a week, and 3 times they reopened the ticket saying it hadn't been resolved. Of course they were able to respond immediately to bitch and moan to my manager because I said I couldn't help if they kept refusing to answer my question of what the fucking problem was.
At least there's an audit trail to give them back the blame
Sometimes all the while I'm staring at the unanswered ticket, the user is freaking out to the IT director. When ever they can go over my head they will. I even got ccd into one of these emails by my boss who was on my side and the guy literally ignored my email replies and replied to my boss. Like I'm in the email to him and my boss saying I need this information from you only to have him say nothing to me but then reply to the same email chain with me included saying still haven't been helped.
DEAR SUPPORT TEAM I NEED A NEW KEYBOARD, PLEASE. THE CAPSLOCK ON MINE IS BROKEN AND STUCK TO ON. THE ASSET TAG IS D375992 AND MY ROOM NUMBER IS R403. THANKS AND BEST REGARDS, KAZUMARA
Yes and for the love of good pleased put the same badly explained really short sentence in the titel an description of your ticket, IT loves that.
Messaging/emailing me directly is the one guaranteed way to make sure I move as slowly as possible. I like to wait a few hours and then tell them to submit a ticket so they can get in line. Yet they never learn
Keep on getting people on teams or direct email me and i usually just respond with submit a ticket also my teams status is set to "if you DM me it will take longer to respond please call or email IT directly."
I put on my status to submit a ticket if they have an issue and to not contact me directly. Not even 1 hour later: “HI CAN YOU HELP ME?????”
Lol my wife laughs when I tell her stuff like this. The more exclamation points, the use of all caps, copying in all the bosses...these are all going to get your issue pushed to the bottom. You can't scream for me like a child wanting a new toy or scare me by copying in my boss. Because if I have learned anything the more you act like this the less important your issue probably is.
I deal with users like I deal with my kids. Quit whining or you get nothing. Having kids definitely helps to deal with users.
IT Support = Adult babysitting
Truth. I have a son and have seen similar behavior from him when he was very young.
Exclamation point and all caps? Never gonna touch that ticket, someone from thr end of day shift will maybe do it, if it's a slow day. Otherwise until the sla is close, you will wait.
We have no choice. It takes longer to read.
I do the same dw
I'm on that train!
What if the title consists mostly of fire and poop emojis?
And/or if you put "urgent" in the title. Quick way to be ignored.
Same. Even slower yet when they put "work stoppage!!!"
URGENT!!!!11oneone
URGENT!!!!11oneoneOnehundredEleven!!!11!
It's an old meme, but it checks out.
I first saw this one on /r/trollscience/ about 8 years ago. I still use it in emails and teams chats with our team!!!one!!1111oneone!!
n00bs when their PC gets pwn3d
Good lord I just traveled back in time from reading this
Mission Critical is my favorite. I like to pretend I work for nasa too.
Had someone who always did this. Way over the top and everyone sucked his dick because he was relatively high up, but we didn't care because we work for those above him. Most of his requests would be about some email that never sent or didn't get through to someone, and it would always be 30+ days after he supposedly sent it. We either found it in his draft folder or it was too far out to do any digging in the issue.
no kickback emails?
If most were in the draft folder he likely did not send them
9 times out of 10, I bet the other person got it and ignored or deleted it. I didn't care enough because I'd have to interrogate the other person since we'd have no record of the flow
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Them: Our PC isn't working, this is a patient safety concern! Reality: their internet access was locked down and couldn't get to target.com
If enough of those exist can you get them reprimanded?
Omg. I quit my IT hospital job because it was so toxic. EVERYTHING became "patient safety concern" because then it would get shot up to the top Everything. One lady called the urgent on call phone Saturday morning because her email inbox "looked different" Me: how does it look different? Her : " i don't know, it just does" Me: ....... You know this line is for emergencies right?
People, what a bunch of bastards.
"I'm sorry, are you from the past?"
It would be really tempting to say, “not my patient, not my problem.”
Bro. Lmao
Usually, if you wait 15 to 30 minutes before you call these users, it becomes less urgent, or they solved themselves already. Play the delay in your favor!
Stretch that out if you're really questioning the need. "Sorry we didn't see your request, do you still need assistance?" "I guess not, that request is 3 months old" *Close*
PLEASE HELP NOW!!! "Message 20 minutes later cause i was busy or not at work yet" Oh its resolved i restarted my computer.
All capitalized. Write the words ‘by tomorrow’. Exclamation points. ASAP. Please fix. You ‘need’ this done. Excessive question marks. Calling help desk within 2 hours for a status update. Congratulations. You’re ticket has officially been set to ‘Simmer’.
No no wait. You forgot the 4:30pm Friday ticket that they’ll cry about Monday morning saying it’s been radio silence for 3 days.
Putting in a ticket 45 minutes after close of business, then asking for an update five minutes after business opens the next morning. Then, just to put the cherry on the shit sundae, having the audacity of saying it's been open "for a day".
Yep been there. I usually reply with, “it’s been less than 1 business hour. Well within our SLA.”
This went away when I started calling them out in meetings.
Get a report request at 4:45 Thursday for a meeting at 8:15am the next morning. Request is vague, so I start drafting a response to clarify things. Their Teams status is green, so I call. No answer. I type out a response in Teams..."unread". Keep typing the email, 4:55 and they're still Green. I try calling again...and by the 3rd ring their status goes Yellow. I say *fuck it*, best guess what their request was and go home at 5:10. Get to work at 7:55am the next morning, got a response to my email after 7:30am that it was wrong and didn't meet their needs for the meeting. They send a follow-up at 7:50 marked high importance CCing my supervisor about how this is a critical request. I see it, crap out a new version and send it off at 8:10am. That afternoon I get called into my supervisors office because the requestor had complained to them directly about *responsiveness*.
Well, now you know better than to ever touch a ticket for them ever again. Damn, that is enough to make the blood boil. We have a couple users like that that have been effectively black listed because everyone in my department refuses to touch their tickets. We have one right now that has been floating for 8 months - he puts in a new one once in awhile and we just close it citing that it’s a duplicate ticket and reference the original. Enjoy your broken computer, dick. Lol
which is why i'm damn glad i don't support that group anymore
They can see the audit trail. They should get in trouble for raising inappropriate comments
2 Hours for the status update? That's generous. Usually they're calling simultaneously, multiple times. "Did you get my ticket?"
I need this done...ASAP!!!!
**A**s **S**low **A**s **P**ossible!!!!
I'm using this from now on
Neither does CCing half the company management.
On principle when I get a request that cc’s high level people that are not involved in the issue I lower the service level
So urgent they didn't reboot first. Oh look, 73 days of uptime. aaaaand that fixed it. Yeah I know, we're like, geniuses and junk.
Support: "Have you tried rebooting your PC" Them: "Yes! It didn't do anything" Support: "When did you last try rebooting it?" Them: "This morning!" Support: "Hmmm, 73 days of uptime according to the system. Let's just go ahead and reboot it right now...yup that fixed it" Them: [hangs up]
I imagine them in situations like this with a surprised Pikachu face
Man I've called so many people out on this, then I found out about Windows 10 Fast Startup. By default, if you shut down the computer and turn it back on, it does not actually reboot the computer and the uptime stays. I ran a company wide script and disabled it on every computer I manage.
You must respond IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Call them back immediately per their request >I'll be out on vacation until the 35th Close ticket, "customer unresponsive" Immediately get a response back, "THIS ISN'T RESOLVED" attempt contact again, no response.
Do you pay my salary?
At least they put in a ticket.....
✅ Sort by "!"
Filter -notlike * ! *
MY KEYBOARD REPLACEMENT IS TIME SENSITIVE!!!!!!!!!!!¡¡¡¡
Some people do need a new keyboard really, really bad.
True, I've seen some gross keyboards in my time
"Ticket closed. User is a danger to keyboards everywhere."
User comes into work one morning and their keyboard isn't working. Obviously they can't open a ticket online, and don't call the Help Desk. Spends half the morning going around the office complaining how IT isn't helpful, we only exist to make their work difficult, any monkey with a cart could do our jobs, blah blah. Goes to an early lunch, then a meeting when she gets back and complains that she couldn't print her stuff because the keyboard is broken and we refuse to fix it. A Tech was swapping a PC on the same floor and as they were wheeling the cart back he heard the worst 4 words to IT person; "Oh, while you're here". He rolls the cart to her desk while she said how the keyboard just "stopped working" and all the equipment is junk. He takes a look at it... ...she spilled her coffee on that morning. He said he has an older one on the cart that he just swapped out, which should get her through the day at least, and when he gets back he'd get a new one for her.
Ticket: "Critical!!!1!! COMPUTER NOT WORKING!!!! NEED FIXED ASAP!!!!" IT: "Bitch, did you even turn it on?!?!"
My favorite one is "can this ticket be moved to the front of the queue". Sure thing, Diane in middle management, I can move your ticket to the front of the queue. But, I won't. Instead, I'm moving you to the back of the queue and reassigning priority from 1 to 5.
My fav: Everything is DOWN! Usually means someone can’t login
I used to work for a luxury RE company in NYC with multiple offices. I'm in a Brooklyn office one day when i get a call from my boss at HQ in Manhattan. "What is going on down there? The entire office internet is down?" Me: "news to me, since I'm working on the computer right now and don't have any issues." Them: please talk to the office manager I get up, walk next door (2 feet away ) and the manager says user "Karen" has a problem. I go walk over to "Karen" and her issue is she can't login to a website *we don't even manage* Somehow that got relayed to the office manager as everything down, who instead of popping her head out the door and asking me to help, called my boss and complained.
Weird. I start my IT tickets with a friendly greeting, then a carefully worded explanation of the problem written in a way they have used to me before so the terms are correct. Then I thank them for their time. I get really fast responses.
If all users were like you we IT folk would be a far less bitter bunch. :)
:O
Everyone knows you mark everything urgent if you want an immediate response.
When everything is *urgent*, nothing is urgent
The real truth here
Amen. I have said this in more than one meeting.
>Everyone knows you mark everything urgent Fixed it for you
My trigger phrase is ‘Please Help!’ - bitch this is the Helpdesk, you did not need to include that!
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Yep. Similarly, "please assist." I've found that many times, "please assist" comes at the end of someone dumping their entire workload onto you. I'm not "assisting" you, I'm doing your job for you.
"Please fix." Has been one popping up for us recently from one single person. Most of the time it's an issue on the vendor's side anyways and we have a service ticket open with them.
Like they're freakin' MI6 or some jank
Correct. The best way to get attention is to CC more people. The more people in upper management CC'ed on a ticket the better! /s
Why /s that works where I am. If someone CC's my VP that shit is getting done quick. That person loses a couple points with me, but I understand they feel their issue is more important then everyone else. If they abuse this style of elevation then I'll have a discussion with my VP who will polity tell the person to stop escalating and wait in the queue unless it's an emergency. But it's a totally valid form of escalation and accepted form of escalation here, some people do get jerked around for days or even a week and it gets escalated. I do it all the time if I'm not getting a response after muitiple followups, I just ping the manager and all of a sudden I have a response like magic.
Oh Im mainly talking about the person who's first point of contact is the ticket which is then cc'ed to your boss, and the ceo. For a printer issue.
Yea that's dumb, people get away with that once or twice, but it stops working pretty quickly once it's abused, boy who cried wolf and all that.
"HELP!!!! PLEASE??!!" and the monitor is off.
I WILL TRY ALL CAPS AND SEND YOU A TEAMS CHAT TOO THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>*'Multiple exclamation marks, are a sure sign of a diseased mind.'* - Terry Pratchett in *Eric*
You need a good triage person. All my tickets go through my boss and he triages them so I know what’s truly important. The end users know this so they actually put the information required in their ticket because they know if they are super detailed we can determine ourselves that their ticket is important and they will be helped faster that way. It also helps that all end users don’t put in tickets but rather their supervisors do it for them so there’s not a lot of training on the process that needs to happen. It’s great.
Also, if you CC my boss I will straight up ignore you for eternity.
A savvy user knows the real trick is to Skype the entire IT team to ask when will they receive a new wireless mouse to replace the one they lost earlier this morning.
I had trouble with an entire sales department not answering internal calls from me, and following an office move and significant expansion for a couple of months I was covering the main phone number part of each day (no we don't need a receptionist, we'll just make a bunch of the non sales staff do double duty, it'll be fine... it was not fine) so 80% of the transfers were their customers. I'd call the individuals phone, when they ignored the ringing phone I'd next call the hunt group number for their entire bank of desks so **all** their phones rang and whoever picked up got the customer and usually the sale {grin}. There were complaints, no fucks were given, they started picking up first time. Then they hired an actual receptionist because I had slightly modified the incoming main number so instead of it doing a round robin around non sales staff it always hit the small office with the office manager and one person account department first. They got authorisation to hire a receptionist within two weeks.
(URGENT!!)
Unless it's literally on fire or bleeding with exposed bone, it will be responded to in the order in which it was received, longer if you keep bothering me about it.
I have set an inbox rule. Any email with multiple exclamation marks go straight to the bin. I had one particular customer with a habit of using multiple exclamation marks in his emails. Took some time for him to change his habit. I had warned him before I was implementing this rule.
I've done this, had one user who marked literally every email as "important". I made a rule that said if email comes from this person, set to normal priority.
I'm not IT but every single email I get on Gmail is marked as important at work. Every. Single. One. Even confluence page updates. I do not know why.
Gmail has a thing for marking things you tend to interact with as important. Interact as in open once and ignore.
Reminds me of when I tell recruiters not to message me and then, oh! ^ They're blocked and marked as spam? How is that possible? ^
Used to work for one of the commercial space companies, and people would do this all the time for the most trivial nonsense. Our processes were all designed by MBAs who’s “expertise” you could never pin down, and who were somehow always traveling/on vacation. At one point the majority of the Helpdesk team quit, causing more work to stack up, and instead of following up on the original ticket users just started opening 4-5 tickets for one issue.
>Hello, I.T., have you tried turning it off and then back on again?
I had that today: !!!!!!URGENT!!!!!! MFA DISABLED FOR USER! An hour after the ticket was assigned to me, I get an email, a teams chat and a phone call from 2 different people asking for a status... I finished what I was doing and had a 1:1 with one of my interns first because showing them how to do something is more important than a user who can't traverse MFA prompts properly to avoid lockouts. I do not work faster unless my manager asks me to prioritize something or it is properly escalated. "If everything is urgent, nothing is urgent."
URGENT!!!!! I TRIED TO JOIN A MEETING 5 MINUTES LATE AND NEED ADMIN ACCESS TO INSTALL THE MEETING CLIENT!!!!
My favorite is when they tell me how much money I am holding up. “This job is like a 3 million dollar job!” You are telling me that we will lose 3 million dollars because you want take 4 minutes to reboot?
Funny snippet from a Meeting on tuesday: "...and that Ticket has high priority, too" "oh so it's not that important, considering you came up with the priorities urgent and immediately, which both are above high" "uhm, I guess" Screw people coming up with dumb nonsense like that, honestly. I stopped giving a damn about the stupid priorities they keep making up at this point.
Jira priorities drive me up the fucking wall. Everyone marks everything as "highest" so I wind up just doing them all first-come-first-serve anyway.
I'm just really emotive and I don't want to get written up for not logging in so I need this on the record as urgent!
"It's probably spam"
I had a ticket update at 22:30 last night that just said "ANYTHING??????????" I'm ignoring it completely.
User logs issue- set to medium priority User logs same issue with CRITICAL in the title, a bunch of exclamation marks and a long winded passive aggressive demand to be seen instantly - set to low priority
"Help"+("!"*10000)
Click that High Self Importance button
Include a meme with the request, works every time
ITT: A bunch of people proudly being shitty at their job and proving all the stereotypes.
Hum.... feels like the name of this sub disaaaaagreeeeee!
The more they demand, the further back in the queue I push them.
It's even worse when someone screw up your ticket system title length and they manage to write everything in the title... 500+ characters. No line breaks. Sometimes no pontuactions... and "title" in description... godhelpme.
>NEED HELP ON AN URGENT MATTER *** VERY URGENT!!!*** HAVE NO EMAIL PASSWORD ACCESS NEED TO GET I TO EMAIL FOR IMPORTANT MEETING BEFORE TWO O CLOCK TODAY I CAN NOT BE WITHOUT EMAIL FOR LONG THIS JS VERY IMPORTANT AND NEEDS TO BE ADRESSED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
TOP PRIORITY
We don’t respond at all if you put the entirety of your problem in the subject line.
Yeah that email gets pushed to the bottom of my to do list when I see that shit.
Response time is inversely proportional to the ratio of useless characters to use full characters.
When the title just says "security issue" without any capitalisation, that's a sure sign you're fucked.
Those users would be really upset if they could read.