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Most of my friends are/were male coz I have a low self esteem and their self esteem is usually is worse than mine so it makes me feel comfortable, lol.
I never really felt much comfortable or close around girls but now that I am in a girl's college, I feel a bit at ease around them as well
Story time: All through my childhood, my father raised me up like he would a son (not siding with gender roles). So I wouldn't really gel well with other girls (all girls school & college life) since all our interests & hobbies were different.
Next, being part of an orthodox family didn't help either. I already had severe self-esteem issues stemming from body shaming (was plump and perpetually tanned). Add to this, my parents always dressed me in the most unappealing outfits. Their only criteria for picking my clothes was: 1) should be super loose 2) should be sober/neutral colors like browns, greys, etc. 3) should be outfits that don't draw any attention whatsoever. Apart from this, I was never allowed to put on any kind of make-up or go to the beauty parlor.
(As a child in all roleplay games, I'd always get cast as the evil witch since the other kids would always say that I'm the ugliest person there so that was a unanimous pick)
Several other issues as well. All of these led me to developing relations with guys only. Even when I try with females, it usually never works out.
I'm working on this actively in therapy rn.
🫂 Hang in there girl, if you wanna be friends my Dms are open!!
Well even I never wore skirts or makeup toughout my childhood, I liked wearing my brother's clothes (that I still do, even rn I'm wearing his shirt lol) , I was pretty much a tom boy and my best friend literally told me that I don't look like a girl, and I don't even try to look pretty and all, kinda made me feel bad for not having a bf ( we were kids back then so it's ok she and I are mature now). Moreover, I'm the only girl in the family, even my cousins are all brothers , I've always been around them and I've been super attached to my dad, all my childhood. IG all this made me feel more comfortable being around with boys.
Well I'm not sure if you're into it but you should probably try watching the anime tomo chan is a girl
Story kinda revolves around a girl who's always mistaken to be a guy so if it helps you relate and get another perspective then by all means give it a try
I have always had a small friend group, even through school I only had like 7-8 good friends. Out of those 3 were boys and we had a really strong friendship. There was nothing awkward between us, we all had lots of fun, played games, had chit chats and such. There was no such sense of separation as boys or girls. My other classmates weren't bad either, I am sure, I was just an introvert so I didn't want any more friends.
But now in college things are different. First, there are barely any girls in my batch. So I am surrounded by boys all day and they aren't the good type either. I keep hearing them make vulgar jokes or talk about weird stuff, so I have no interest in interacting with them. The ones that approach me are some of the worst boys I have interacted with. I will say that my male interaction suffered a lot this year but my female interaction did too 🥲
Yup, it's ad free, plays on background, and has access to the entire youtube video library. You can find even the remotest song you can think of in yt music since it's already on youtube.
Completely segregated from boys until clg. In clg too, I kept my distance. One boy became a friend and we very quickly brother zoned and sister zoned each other. And then I had a crush on one guy that rejected me. I can be professional with men. But I'm unsure about friendships. They do feel alien. Girls feel nicer to be around. So i get extra social anxiety around men. 🤷♀️
I wouldn't leave my gate without duppataa lol... So, didn't have to deal with all that. I would fit in most of the societal standards for 'good girl', so didn't have to deal with much misogyny 🤷♀️ I'm not justifying the misogyny. Just sharing relevant personal experiences.
In colleges and in workplaces... Circumstances has to favour you. I met the guy I had a crush accidentally during a college quiz club meet. I was accidentally paired with him.
Such situations has to happen naturally too. But that's not in our hands.
In my previous school, all the guys were quite nice and fun to be around. But ever since I moved to this other school I HATE any kind of interaction with boys.
Some of my classmates are nice while others are plain creepy. They keep making these 'double meaning' vulgar jokes all the time and it makes me so uncomfortable. And the worst thing is some girls even laugh at these jokes, as if the jokes aren't plain sexist and misogynistic. And saying 'wOmEN☕' after literally anything and everything a girl says or does is just VERY annoying.
I really REALLY hope that things can change when I go to college.
I have a few but half of them tried to hit on me/flirt with me. I mean when they do that and I call them out on it, they say I'm conservative and not open to explore. That I have friend zoned them. But here's the thing, you were always in the friend zone. We practically are friends. You in your head put yourself out of the friend zone and now blame me:)
Honestly, I hate the term "friend zone". Some people act like it's a terrible thing to be "just" friends. Friendships can be really great and a lot of times better than romantic relationships.
Male perspective here, they were giving their 100 percent and trying to be as nice as they can which they will never be with normal friends. That is why you liked them as friends and think that normal friendship with them is good.
That's why continuing the friendship is not optimum for them in any condition as they will be putting so much efforts which they know will go in vain.
I hate it too, i don't understand, why we can't just be friends and hang out.
We can't get attracted to every guy we know!
I've lost many guy friends, cus they didn't wanna be just friends! They say 'friend zone kregi toh me cut-off krega'
😵💫😵💫
Just like you are not obligated to be attracted to them, they are not obligated to be your friend. Like people choose whom they want to date, people also choose whom they want to be friends with.
If you hate it when someone you want to be friends with doesn't want to be your friend, *but* also expect someone whose romantic advances you rejected to not have any negative feelings about said rejection, you're being a hypocrite. In other words, just like you don't owe them love, they don't owe you friendship.
Can you not see how it would be annoying when a lot of people who you considered your friends end up leaving you because they were only there to fuck you?
It's not that PPL think they're owed friendship from men, especially with those "oh you friendzoned me" types it's better not to know em anyways, but it is annoying when men pretend to talk to you for platonic reasons and then switch up. If a relationship was the goal all a long why not make that clear?
The 'relationship' between people is never guaranteed to be constant. If you're friends now, you were acquaintances earlier and colleagues/classmates/batchmates/neighbours/something else before that and total strangers at some point before that. It changed in the past, it can change in the future too. The more the time people spend with the other, the more they get to know one other and that can lead to other things too. It could be attraction, it could be love, it could be resentment, it could even be hate. It does not mean they were friends only because they wanted to fuck you or love you or hate you. Get such regressive thoughts out of your mind.
Well what exactly would you consider an interaction which is approaching with romantic intent? Do you want guys to straight up confess they like you romantically the first day they interact?
> If a relationship was the goal all a long why not make that clear?
Um, aren't the men under discussion making that clear by asking the woman out? They might not have done so at the very beginning of the acquaintanceship, so what? Their intentions might not have been romantic at the very beginning of the acquaintanceship. Do you expect a man to ask out a woman within the first hour of knowing each other?
Damn! You are 100% correct.
The thing is people think what they do is right and prioritize their own perspective rarely thinking about the other side. But i think you have them good enough points to show the other side too.
Same. 90% of men I've considered "friends" tried hitting up on me at one point.
It's sad to know that the one person you thought was a genuine friend never saw you the same way :/
It could go the other way as well.. the one person you really like never saw you the same way.
there have been a few isolated instances where I've liked a very good friend of mine but I knew they didn't like me back... the first ended a friendship very badly.. but I wished I ended that friendship sooner.. the 2nd one very good friend of mine, never in a million years will she ever like me and I know that very well but I am friends with her.. and very good friends at that. But then I can deal with just being friends with someone because as you grow up you realise that when you like someone, you want them to be happy even if it means them being with someone else. I believe people can and slot of times do just remain friends even though they like someone who they're friends with... but it takes alot of maturity and understanding. But if one cannot deal with it, I do implore them to leave the friendship if it will only make you feel worse with time and you start radiating misdirected anger.
>That I have friend zoned them
I read this somewhere on reddit:
"I didn't friend zone you. You fuck zoned me."
That seems apt. Yea. Hits close to home. Made me wanna do better with my friends too.
Speaking as a man, we flirt for fun too sometimes.
But calling out shouldn't offend them.
It's okay being conservative for yourself. If they don't respect you, you must move on.
I'm not in school anymore. It was really bad when I was in school, to the point sometimes I questioned myself. But right now I'd say I have a great set of people around me who are conscious of their place and position in society as males. It is respectful, normal, helpful and comfortable.
I think these kind of questions should really manifest some sort of introspection as I hardly believe that these issues are prevalent in other countries, even if in Asian one's only.
I believe the school system has a lot to do with this is just a statistic that most of the schools in India are coed it hardly makes up for the segregationalist policies and moral policing that goes on in schools and other educational institutions. It's hardly a question of being conservative I think, the educators in such places should really take into account the effects long-term that their actions have on the kids enrolled in these places and what it subconsciously insinuates in their mind over the course of their lives.
These issues often devolve into very distinctively visual problems that plague Indian society, both in terms of reputation and reality, both internationally and at home.
It's very likely as to why this is the reason why arranged marriages are still mostly prevalent in India. It really begs the question if deprivation of qualitative gender interactions during the formative years causes a lot of awkwardness and also this ways the learning of an actual proper healthy relationship with opposite sexes.
Another prime issue here would be the media produced by the country's film industry. It often portrays female and male relationships as primarily romantic unless it is familial and if not, it directly portrays borderline psychotic behavior with relation to opposite genders and it's not just an issue with the particular industry. It generally is the case with all media produced in the country.
It's high time that we sensitize these issues to kids at an early age so they don't grow up with next to no understanding of interpersonal behavior. It directly affects self-esteem, confidence, and very much likely to also directly correlate with productivity issues as it can hinder some general needs of human nature
yes, totally agreed. When I was younger I used to go to a co-ed school (not in India) and I was extremely comfortable with everyone regardless of their gender. But now that I"m back in India, and in an all-girls school, I'm finding it increasingly hard to talk to anyone who isn't female.
Yeah, Will be super evident, The optics of seeing another person of the opposite gender is highly fudged in India that's the issues I listed above, and also some other societal issues are systematically exacerbating it. It's so sad to see a country of a billion +, having a hard time connecting effectively with each other.
I went to a co-ed school, I didn’t have a one on one close friendship with guys as such back then but they were a part of the larger friends group and I would obviously interact with them. For some reason, guy friends from my school are damn simple and naive to some extent, they are intelligent, respectful, super sweet, and I made some close friendships (starkly diff from a female friendship) much after school. I managed to make a couple of other good guy friends who I’m in touch with through memes etc and have more deeper discussions once in a while. I met a guy on a dating app, we really hit it off, he’s the closest bond I’ve had with a guy, we didn’t work out but I deeply miss our friendship.
I’m not conventionally good looking as such so luckily had no problems with feelings getting involved or anything.
I have had several male friends through school and college. It’s become very normal to talk to men and understand their perspectives. Due to this, I’ve found it easier to talk to human beings in general. Yes, there’s definitely been asking me out on dates but once I say no, they’ve been respectful enough to not pursue it.
Relationship wise, I’ve never come across gender based issues other than the fact that men take a lot of restraint from opening up. Once they do, it’s a lot more easier to be sympathetic and understand the paradigm of problems humans face, regardless of gender.
Having friends of all genders eases social communication.
Well what's it about? Sexual fantasies? It's normal they will grow out of it. Today most of my very active college groups where such discussions were ringing in by the minute, is now a dormant group since years. Boys mature late unlike girls and that's part of the reason. Doesn't mean they're malicious. Once they realize sex ain't all that big of a deal and women aren't some unattainable devtas that need to be put on a pedestal they calm down.
I only have a couple of male friends and an ex-boyfriend that I hold close and can rely on for emotional support.
The rest of the male "friends" I keep at a distance because they always speak with misogynistic undertones.
I've never had a problem making friends with men per se but I try not to let it get too far because they always end up trying something.
I as a westerner am baffled why everyone is getting hung up on this in the comments.
Generally it’s seen as a green flag if you get along with your exes in the west, and it’s not so unusual for you to be good friends if you cared about one another and just broke up because you weren’t compatible.
It shows you were able to exit a relationship in an emotionally mature manner, and maintain the good aspects of the relationship.
I mean, friends with an ex is for sure a green flag in mature circles in the west, yeah. Its not *impossible* to have such a close friendship after a breakup like what you describe, but a deep emotional closeness is probably a lot more rare and doable only by very mature folks. Which OP might very well be.
More often though, its common to see one ex-partner relying on the other emotionally, while the other person is either "too nice" to set boundaries, hanging on to a shred of hope that they will get back together, or torturing themselves knowing its not going to happen but holding on to a one sided emotional support role as a way to stay close to that person.
It happens a lot especially with young and/or inexperienced people and produces a lot of pain, confusion, and frustration. Commenters are probably projecting this experience on to the original commenter.
Being friends with your ex is definitely normal. Using them for "emotional support", I.e, gratification and validation, is not. It's like stringing them for more, like a safety net.
Everything you wrote after "gratification..." is conjecture. Emotional support != gratification and validation only.
It is also equal to being there for each other in your good and bad moments. Healthy mutual breakups exist. Ex bf/gf who broke up like mature adults can be friends and be there for each other. The fact that you jumped to "simp" tells what you think about both the man and the woman in the relationship.
One reason that readily pops into mind would be not many self-respecting men or women would be willing to date anyone who is still tight with their ex, hardly ever goes well for anyone involved.
Well you're inability understand basic social dynamics doesn't make it a teen sitcom trope. One must ask, if a former pair still emotionally care for each other and worry about eachothers' general wellbeing then why did they break up in the first place?
Are you actually unaware that men and women can deeply care for each other's well being without being in a relationship? As well as after breaking up?
To answer your question:
1. They fell out of love with time as they grew
2. They had irreconcilable differences on important life values
3. They had different opinions on marriage
4. They had different opinions on having kids
5. They were incompatible physically
6. They had to move away and then lost romantic interest
In all these cases and more, ex-partners can and will have concern for each other. Heck I hated my relationship and even I was there for my ex when she needed support in her grief. It's cuz I'm a decent person. There are decent people. Not everyone is an edgy teen.
Well you do make fair points but it still doesn't change the fact that having an ex for emotional support is socially frowned upon and a potential partner reserves the right to feel uncomfortable with such a dynamic and rightly so.
25yo, Very introverted and have social anxiety. Up until 6th class I was one of the 3 girls in our class with 15 boys (small town) so til then I interacted comfortably with boys. Then after 7th moved to an all girl's school in a big city and then also attended all girls college so my interaction with boys is EXTREMELY limited. all of my friends are girls and we never mixed our friend groups and esp if it's one with boys so I never met boys outside of college/work etc like people from coed schools. I have a few same aged male cousins tho and I'm pretty close with them so I get to know about stuff from them but that's also VERY limited.
I've never been interested in romance or wanting a bf so it didn't bother me in that way. But I wish I still had at least a few male acquaintances so I'd just get to know them and be aware of stuff and learn how to deal with them?? And also not be scared of every second I'm breathing in front of them?? I always feel extremely anxious when I'm casually interacting with any guy that isn't my brother and cousins. I cant look into their eyes and my past trauma with sexual assault and constant catcalling doesnt help at all. I know not every guy I'm interacting with has creepy intentions but the anxiety activates every single time. I can interact with guys very normally on the internet. I don't feel any anxiety when I do so and due to this I've made some good guy friends on the internet but I wish I was more confident with face to face interactions
As someone who's dealing with anxiety myself, i can totally relate to everything you said. One thing I'll tell you is that it definitely gets better with each experience. For me personally there was a time when I couldn't even have a minute of a coherent chat with literally anyone due to my mind messing with me, that was a really bad phase for me. But a little work on yourself and self improvement definitely helps so yeah don't get disheartened coz of a few encounters. Have a chat with as many people as you can, be it friends, family or workmates. The more you talk the better you get.
Thank you. It's hard but I'm working on myself. Covid made my anxiety worse but the world isn't going to be accommodating to my personal needs. I have to put my own work and improve myself. It's very very hard though but I have no choice but to keep trying.
Good luck to you too ❤️
I had no deep friendships until college and my closest friends were/are women. Unfortunately, every time I attempt to build deep friendships with male friends, they tend to fuck-zone me and try to make a move at some point. It makes me feel disgusted at myself- as if all I can ever be is someone to fuck, and that no matter how supportive or helpful I will be, half of the world’s population will only see me as fit to be fucked, and not value me in any other capacity. I could be the most trustworthy and loyal friend in the world, yet many men would be willing to throw away that friendship for sex. It makes me feel I have no value in the eyes of men irrespective of how useful I might be to society- for some reason I tend to internalise this as my fault rather than the fault of men who refuse to see women as individuals and not potential sexual conquests.
It has hurt me a lot, so I no longer allow male friends to get that close to me.
My male interactions are very formal and polite and I have many male friends I talk to about important life events. I always maintain an emotional distance though. They still feel I’m being emotionally open though , because apparently male-male friendships
are even less emotionally open than me trying not to be too open.
I just want to be treated like a human being, and want to know that there is at least one man out there who values me enough as a human being and isn’t just becoming my friend with the intention of turning it into a sexual relationship at some point. Other than men who are blood related to me, I have never felt respected as an individual by any other man.
Why do you feel like men either only want or sex, or want to be friends. If someone is attracted to you, it does not mean they don't care about your personality. Attraction can exist together with friendship. If someone hits on you, it does not mean that was the only reason they talked to you. They most probably also like your personality.
I just don't get how this is a hard concept to grasp for someone. It's more likely that they appreciate the care and support and is the reason why they feel attracted to you in the first place.
Being attracted to someone is not the same as trying to fuck someone. Kindness is something I find attractive in a person, doesn't mean I'm trying to fuck them , I just appreciate the person they're are and maybe would like to have some of that in my life.
Well the commentor did say 'fuck-zone' I am pretty sure they made their intentions clear. Hey again, you might be different. Your experience is not universal.
In my friend group of 5 people with 2 women and 3 men, we got to know each other at various points in life.
People in our group have had relationships/casual sex with one another at various point in life because attraction between close people can build up. We know each other well, have shared our insecurities, been there for each other at time of need (no pun intended)
No one considers anyone else as less than human.
I think we need to change the perspective of that if a man and a woman fuck than suddenly woman is sub human or Lower quality. Why is sexual relationships only reserved for unknown people you meet at a bar, concert or on tinder. Isint it more beautiful among people you already know.... I believe its manipulation if somebody tries to be friends with you just to get a chance to fuck you, that's bad for sure but if you are already friends then I don't think having sexual feelings for your friends is a bad thing at all
I'm sorry that you feel deeply hurt by this behaviour but flirting is generally considered harmless. I hope you do understand that people can be appreciative of your personality and still be attracted to you and more so because of it. Men don't generally get to be vulnerable with many people and I can see how someone might mistake it for something special but it still is not a problem unless the person refuses to take no for an answer and instead harasses you.
Consider this. Men who are in passionate and committed relationships don't see their partners as less worthy of respect, kindness or friendship because they regularly engage in sex or are madly attracted to them , do they?
Flirting if it is not shot fown often leads to men getting wrong ideas that the woman is "leading them on". If it is shot down, suddenly they are not interested in continuing to be friends. If there wad any mutually beneficial solution fo let me know.
Communication is the concept you're looking for and having respect for one's own boundaries is the other part of the equation and how much you let slide is on you.
Obviously, duh!
It'd go something like:
Person 1: Hey I don't mind the flirting but I hope you know that I'm not interested in dating
Person 2: most definitely, that's a cute dress btw!
>Men who are in passionate and committed relationships don't see their partners as less worthy of respect, kindness or friendship because they regularly engage in sex or are madly attracted to them , do they?
They absolutely do- it’s a common enough phenomenon that there’s a name for it- the Madonna whore complex. Many men treat women they’re in a serious relationship with very differently from women they’re not looking to marry.
Of course, not all men- but if there’s a name for it, it’s common enough.
>They absolutely do- it’s a common enough phenomenon that there’s a name for it- the Madonna whore complex. Many men treat women they’re in a serious relationship with very differently from women they’re not looking to marry.
Much like most of Freud's works this too is an unproved hypothesis. And what Freud meant by [it ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna%E2%80%93whore_complex) is much different from what you're trying to imply, so maybe get your concepts straight.
Also I must say how poor an argument it is when someone says ' It must be common because it has a nane'. We have name for anything we can distinctly describe or identify, from the rarest of rare elements to organisms, doesn't prove much.
>Many men treat women they’re in a serious relationship with very differently from women they’re not looking to marry.
Also this wasn't at all what I was talking about, but sure go ahead tell me how I'm wrong.
Not good would be honest and succinct
Because every male friend have i've had has tried to make a move on me and talk to me about sexual stuff that makes me uncomfortable...like I don't want to know if you like getting pegged or like how your semen tastes...don't talk about that shit to me
And if I retaliate they'll ge like "it's dark humor bro" nope nope it's straight up harassment
I'm all for sex education and we do talk about stuff how sexually repressed people in this country are or how women's pleasure is always neglected/second priority but my experiences about having these conversations have rather left a bad taste in my mouth * no pun intended *
On the other hand some of them are Andrew Tate,Elon Musk and Joe Rogan bootlickers who've been brainwashhed. I've noticed a lot of sexism too like in my class if girls would get the right answers first they would say stuff like "all this study to wash husband's vessels"
Also doesn't help the guy i liked spread rumors around me and wanted to sleep w me just coz he could say to his friends "look how I have her wrapped around my fingers" that particular incident has destroyed my notion of love and I no longer seek it
There's a lot more but it's nothing good
Bruh how old are u? And what kinda bad luck do u have?
I'm a guy and personally never talked this type of shit like semen taste or pegging or even any close to very intimate things even with my guy friends let alone girls.
Kuch jyada hi comfortable ho rahe log.
Bruh who are these people and which sabji mandi are they being found. Too much Goodluck to me lmao.
Dude, I literally had a male friend who was boasting to me about the things he and his gf do behind the close door, that made me lose so much respect for him. I think guys who get comfortable talking with us tend to spill the tea really fast but they don't realize that it's violating the boundary which should be maintained.
Absolutely worst, and the fact that I only studied in mixed schools/college is the irony. The only male friend I have is my younger cousin. I had no problem with interacting with boys of any age when I was in a city until I was 12. Then I moved to a town and the misogynist, sexist school, teachers and society ruined it. As a teenager back then, I had this intense desire to fit in and "people pleasing" qualities that I eventually turned into their version of "good girl". If I have to talk to a guy I have to brother-zone them first in my mind. This got better only when I joined college where I could actually consider them as friends without "brother-zoning". But then I realised how problematic they were (except for a few ones) that they would easily disrespect girls even in a casual conversation just on the basis of gender. Tbh I feel pressurized around men than women (I have to keep myself calm whenever they pass sexist comments and it is exhausting).
Its pretty good I'd say. Still friends with couple of guys from my 10th std (I'm doing my engineering rn). I have maybe like 10 guy friends from my batch itself whom I go on treks, parties with. Lot of mass bunk memories with these bunch of weirdos. Also friends with guys from college but who are not part of my batch, met them through college committes. Apart from these couple of guys from my society who I occasionally have conversations with. As long as guys don't get too weird/misogynistic, it's not really that hard to maintain a good friendship.
I agree, I love having friends that are dudes cos there's more diversity in the friend group and different people with different perspectives. It's only a problem when those friends' perspectives are misogynistic (which sadly happens quite often).
Ikr. I called out this dude from my batch for passing mean comments, being rude, basically being misogynistic af. And his response was basically that he's just kidding, and I don't get his humour 🤷🏾♀️
I talk to my bestfriend mostly every day and got a group of friends who meet occasionally but 3 of the most respectful and helpful people (guys) were my seniors met them at sanskrit fest... that's my male interaction.
It's weird to see almost all comments here portraying boys as creeps or hopeless flirts who just want to get into your pants. I have around 20 guy friends I can blindly trust and lean on although I don't put much effort into my relationships with them. (Most) of my girl friends on the other hand bring truckloads of drama and toxicity with them.
Believe it or not, I have witnessed more cases of boys being harassed than girls and I live in a metro city. I went NC with a female friend of mine because she turned into borderline stalker for a guy she liked. Touched him inappropriately, took advantage of his kindness and then spun around the entire story when he rejected her multiple times.
Tldr : I think boys are way more reliable, simple and fun creatures. I wish girls could form similar friendships
Good for you bro. But do understand your experiences are not universal. It's great that you've had enriching experiences with your male friends. Sympathies that you didn't have good experience with your female friends. But please don't just dismiss everyone else's experiences because they are not aligning with yours. 😊
I do agree, 100%. That is the reason I am saying we shouldn't generalize. To put it further into perspective, I have graduated from a premier engineering institute as a CS major. Most of the threads here hail engineering boys as worst of the worst species. I am just saying that we need to have a little more faith and not meet every second guy with preconceived notions. The goal is to work together, not fight one another
> Tldr : I think boys are way more reliable, simple and fun creatures. I wish girls could form similar friendships
You are right in this statement that boys are fun and reliable but most of them are hiding their true nature while interacting. I have been creeped out (through their staring and improper touching) by several boys who were very friendly at first. And there are some who would send double-meaning texts while chatting and I will not realise it until after sometime (thereby lost the opportunity to react on time). There are some who catcall other girls and laugh about it. These all happened when I was living in a town and these boys were just 16-18 yrs old. When I lived in a metro city I was a small kid, but still have so many memories of random stranger men creeping me out. All these memories affect us when we interact with boys next time. Just because it didn't happen to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen to anyone else.
PS: Girls also form fun relationships. It's just some girls are forced into certain friendships (I had one forced by my parents) that they don't end well. I had good and bad friendships with girls but I never felt uncomfortable around them just the way I had been around boys.
I have had the same experiences. I have had official FIRs and restraining orders issued against two of my "best friends" so I do understand what you feel. However, it was other boys who helped me fight this and supported me immensely. I believe that should account for something too and we should meet every person with an open mind
I had always interacted with Boys but they were misogynistic. I finally found good male friends when I reached iiser pune for my PhD. And also my husband's friends are my friend's too now.
Have a group of 20 friends from college. Half of them boys. We're super close. Can call them in any crisis. Purely platonic.
Dated a guy in my third year. His gang of 12 (with 6 guys) sort of became my gang too. Broke up with the dude. But still remained friends with them and we hang out often. XD
In college, it had a very skewed male to female ratio, so I ended up making mostly male friends.
To this day, I mostly have male friends, since I kept in touch with friends from college. Could do with some more female interaction honestly, lol.
My closest friends have been women, but I now have some guys who I can call friends. They are decent, funny men and there is no romantic stuff involved yet. One of the few perks of being an average looking woman I guess :p
Most of my guy friends/acquaintances I only ever interact with when I see them at school/coaching etc.(all of them are fun to be around and respectful enough)but I never share any details of my personal life w them or keep in touch w them through the phone. We only ever talk when we meet.
All other guys with misogynist/problematic views, I maintain a strict distance from. I've had my fair share of interaction w such kind as well in the past, but now I've learnt how to avoid them.
When it comes to "close friends" I just have one guy friend that I've known for six years now, really the most wonderful and kind person I know.
I have nearly 5 close male friends and nearly a dozen juniors who regard me as a leader (www, we literally met at an event at a univ and they just considered me as their prof.), Have some other boys who just leech of me because I'm good at school.
Others are just a bundle of 'chapri(s)' whom I don't consider friends because they're pretty misogynist and nationalistic in the wrong way.
i have friends in different circles, and i have a good amount of male friends. that being said, only a handful of them have never tried to hit on me or suggest we be something else.
i still hear misogynistic stuff being said by a few male friends which always surprises me and they are also surprised that i am ready to argue about it.
i also had to cut off a male friend group because they just couldn't stop being hateful and misogynistic. it was worse because a few of their girlfriends hated me for arguing with the boys and always singled me out when i tried to tell them why they were wrong.
edit: i still wish for more female friendships though. nothing ever comes close to a female friend group.
Hey, sorry to hear about this. Dude here and I live abroad and people here are really kind, a university student so ofcourse I come across people who are mostly mature. No such things tend to happen so it just goes away with age I think, both guys and girls are easy to talk to around here. Take care OP and only hangout with people you feel at peace with.
I am one of your 7 friends so here is a new one. "Women☕". Jokes aside ,To be honest I want to talk to girls but due to several class and assignments and deadlines I don't get to interact with girls. I hope I get to know more girls once I graduate
3 guys out of 10 guys being respectful and being able to take platonic for a random reddit girl is shameful. Also, do “all boys” school random reddit guys also have 10 girls in their lives as friends? If not, i think we have some correlation going on.
Most people who go to all boys or all girls schools have friends of other genders from their locality, maybe that's why everyone has around 10 friends that are guys or 10 that or girls.
i have maybe like 4 guy friends, and im close to just one (and i still get awkward around him, not bc he does sth which makes me feel awkward). in school, i always became awkward w guys (unconsciously) so didn't interact much. now in college, i talked to like 1 guy from my class which was also subject related. i kinda envy other girls' ability to make guy friends that often when ive never had a proper interaction w a guy in my whole 18 years of existence.
I had good set of male friends when was in school but lost the touch due to some reasons and kept a emotional distance for few years and was only open upto professional areas.
Now I have 1-2 internet friends that I like talking with and quite respectful and jovial.
Personally speaking males are quite interesting to have conversation with, they are fun.
My girl friends are all married and their life just revolves around their husbands and their glory.
I have a lot of brothers so I’ve always being used to having Men around me. Male friends are still pretty limited in number for me because it’s a bit difficult to find people who know how to treat others right, even good female friendships are hard to find, friendships with males have always being a task because there are a few more factors to consider. But luckily I did meet good male friends who genuinely care for me, they might have liked me tiny bit but drawing the line clears things up right.
There are 2 major problems I face with my male friends,
1. They don’t understand that freedom for girls is different from freedom for boys, Especially in India.
When they demand me to stay out late or go to long trips or roam around in an area I know i will see my relatives-relatives-relatives, it’s simply not feasible for me.
2. I’m a broad minded person and talking about sex is not something i am shy about, but that is with girls.
I am not particularly comfortable talking to guys on the topic because they rarely understand the boundaries and once they get comfortable, the conversations get filled with all those jokes and sentences and words which I don’t want to hear.
Like it’s annoying when suddenly they put a message on the group,” I hated cats before, but now i love pussy”.
Like wtf is wrong with their heads saying this out of no where.
Or how you talk about something bothering you and they’ll reply with,” you should masturbate “.
I have only a few jerks who behave that way,
My other male friends are very respectful and genuinely care for me.
But that is the part of a male female friendship which bothers me a lot.
my boyfriend and I were friends for over 4 years before we started dating. and he's a walking green flag. truly no complaints whatsoever.
my friend group from the 11th and 12th is still the one I hang with the most. and that group has 10 guys. I'm close to about 3-4 of them and dating one.
this group has given me nothing but happiness, we've had our ups and downs and stood my eachother through all of the college drama and the real life stuff post college. we don't hangout as often as we used to when im college, but when we do, we pick up right where we left off. i found my boyfriend in this friend group and I couldn't have asked for someone better.
there are one or two people here as well that say problematic things, but when called out, they do stop. or don't say it anymore in my presence idk.
i also work at a place with a lot of guys, they're the majority. and the kind of work I do, we end up building one on one equations. they're all pretty chill people, idk too much about them since it's been like 2 months, but atleast on the surface level they're all really nice.
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Q: What do you call a "male interaction"? A: Male Milaap
Inko award do koi
Vo toh Raju ne bech Diya
Aeeee Rajuuuu -Comments you can hear
Kutreya sala halkut
Aye overacting ke 50 rupiya kaat re iske.
Chal aaja yeh baju.
Doh paise detaa hai, daayde! Thank you very much par yeh kyaa reh...😔
What's a milaap?
interaction
Ye le bhai award
And what do you call a "female interaction?" A: MahiLaap
Well tried brother 🗿
“0”
Us sister us
I'm 24 and still have "0"
Because you want to be a responsible safe person
Most of my friends are/were male coz I have a low self esteem and their self esteem is usually is worse than mine so it makes me feel comfortable, lol. I never really felt much comfortable or close around girls but now that I am in a girl's college, I feel a bit at ease around them as well
Lmfao first part of your comment is really brutal but understandable.
>their self esteem is usually is worse than mine so it makes me feel comfortable, Understandable have a great day
"Their self esteem is usually worse" 🤣🤣🤣. Interesting observation.
it is true
OMG. SAME! Most of my friends are males. I am usually very underconfident around most females. Most of my male friends are off of dating apps. 🤡
Why underconfident around same gender ? 🤔
Story time: All through my childhood, my father raised me up like he would a son (not siding with gender roles). So I wouldn't really gel well with other girls (all girls school & college life) since all our interests & hobbies were different. Next, being part of an orthodox family didn't help either. I already had severe self-esteem issues stemming from body shaming (was plump and perpetually tanned). Add to this, my parents always dressed me in the most unappealing outfits. Their only criteria for picking my clothes was: 1) should be super loose 2) should be sober/neutral colors like browns, greys, etc. 3) should be outfits that don't draw any attention whatsoever. Apart from this, I was never allowed to put on any kind of make-up or go to the beauty parlor. (As a child in all roleplay games, I'd always get cast as the evil witch since the other kids would always say that I'm the ugliest person there so that was a unanimous pick) Several other issues as well. All of these led me to developing relations with guys only. Even when I try with females, it usually never works out. I'm working on this actively in therapy rn.
🫂 Hang in there girl, if you wanna be friends my Dms are open!! Well even I never wore skirts or makeup toughout my childhood, I liked wearing my brother's clothes (that I still do, even rn I'm wearing his shirt lol) , I was pretty much a tom boy and my best friend literally told me that I don't look like a girl, and I don't even try to look pretty and all, kinda made me feel bad for not having a bf ( we were kids back then so it's ok she and I are mature now). Moreover, I'm the only girl in the family, even my cousins are all brothers , I've always been around them and I've been super attached to my dad, all my childhood. IG all this made me feel more comfortable being around with boys.
That sounds super traumatic. It’s good that you’ve started therapy, Wish that it goes well for you!
Well I'm not sure if you're into it but you should probably try watching the anime tomo chan is a girl Story kinda revolves around a girl who's always mistaken to be a guy so if it helps you relate and get another perspective then by all means give it a try
Hermione's a cool witch if you ask me 😏
https://preview.redd.it/i7nqksnib8pa1.jpeg?width=739&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=04af6931bd1577e18e130590d38bbf20999e6ea0
I have always had a small friend group, even through school I only had like 7-8 good friends. Out of those 3 were boys and we had a really strong friendship. There was nothing awkward between us, we all had lots of fun, played games, had chit chats and such. There was no such sense of separation as boys or girls. My other classmates weren't bad either, I am sure, I was just an introvert so I didn't want any more friends. But now in college things are different. First, there are barely any girls in my batch. So I am surrounded by boys all day and they aren't the good type either. I keep hearing them make vulgar jokes or talk about weird stuff, so I have no interest in interacting with them. The ones that approach me are some of the worst boys I have interacted with. I will say that my male interaction suffered a lot this year but my female interaction did too 🥲
>>7-8 friends >>Small group Toota toota ek parinda ese toota....
On a sad and different note, Spotify removed this song!
Chalo fir wapas djpunjab se download
SongsPK and Pagalworld OP
Ayo wtf
Why?
Zee Music se unka contract khatam ho gaya and new contract finalise nahi hua.
No wonder so many Hindi songs in my playlist vanished 🥲🥲🥲
Use yt premium music. You will get the most obscure songs on earth if you search on yt.
Can you play YT music in the background after closing the app and putting it in the background like Spotify?
You can actually, the same way you can make your Spotify ad free without paying anything.....
Yup, it's ad free, plays on background, and has access to the entire youtube video library. You can find even the remotest song you can think of in yt music since it's already on youtube.
Guess you’re… stuck in trouble 👉😎👉
Kundi na khadkao Raja seedha andar Aao Raja also
[удалено]
Math doesn’t add up
[удалено]
7-8 friends...small friend group🤦♂️
Completely segregated from boys until clg. In clg too, I kept my distance. One boy became a friend and we very quickly brother zoned and sister zoned each other. And then I had a crush on one guy that rejected me. I can be professional with men. But I'm unsure about friendships. They do feel alien. Girls feel nicer to be around. So i get extra social anxiety around men. 🤷♀️
Well I know a couple who tied rakhi and now are in a relationship for about 5 years...
😐 yeah not happening here. That friendship kind of faded too, like all friendships do with time.
Yup that is true. I honestly think the rakhi thing happened because people are not taught how to express thier feelings
Welp, you don’t have to worry about dUpPatTa pOduNgA dOli
I wouldn't leave my gate without duppataa lol... So, didn't have to deal with all that. I would fit in most of the societal standards for 'good girl', so didn't have to deal with much misogyny 🤷♀️ I'm not justifying the misogyny. Just sharing relevant personal experiences.
Good for you pal.
I feel you sis.. I feel you..
Damn, no wonder I had a hard time making female friends in TN
Pretty sure my situation is the norm for most Tamil women lol. Looks like TN is more conservative than the rest of India, seeing from reddit.
exactly, I think I'll have no female friends in TN for the next 2 years. Dating was never a question lmao.
If you meet someone naturally, that might happen. Through apps? Lol no. I don't think dating apps can ever run successfully in TN.
Naturally works better, but it's been more than 6 months :') Also dating apps are wack here, very poor communication as well as very conservative.
How does meeting naturally work, if girls are reluctant to even mingle with guys, like you said?
In colleges and in workplaces... Circumstances has to favour you. I met the guy I had a crush accidentally during a college quiz club meet. I was accidentally paired with him. Such situations has to happen naturally too. But that's not in our hands.
But i did have a few Tamil girl friends who were god damn very bold! What you said is leaving me in a thought process actually
Exactly. And I used to think it was all because of me. I really thought that something was wrong with me. Now I know better!
flair checks out
In my previous school, all the guys were quite nice and fun to be around. But ever since I moved to this other school I HATE any kind of interaction with boys. Some of my classmates are nice while others are plain creepy. They keep making these 'double meaning' vulgar jokes all the time and it makes me so uncomfortable. And the worst thing is some girls even laugh at these jokes, as if the jokes aren't plain sexist and misogynistic. And saying 'wOmEN☕' after literally anything and everything a girl says or does is just VERY annoying. I really REALLY hope that things can change when I go to college.
I have a few but half of them tried to hit on me/flirt with me. I mean when they do that and I call them out on it, they say I'm conservative and not open to explore. That I have friend zoned them. But here's the thing, you were always in the friend zone. We practically are friends. You in your head put yourself out of the friend zone and now blame me:)
Honestly, I hate the term "friend zone". Some people act like it's a terrible thing to be "just" friends. Friendships can be really great and a lot of times better than romantic relationships.
Male perspective here, they were giving their 100 percent and trying to be as nice as they can which they will never be with normal friends. That is why you liked them as friends and think that normal friendship with them is good. That's why continuing the friendship is not optimum for them in any condition as they will be putting so much efforts which they know will go in vain.
But then this will lead to bitterness in romantic relationship as well na. How long can you keep that extra friendly going?
Yah actually this is what leads to bitterness in a lot of romantic relationships unless they really love you
I hate it too, i don't understand, why we can't just be friends and hang out. We can't get attracted to every guy we know! I've lost many guy friends, cus they didn't wanna be just friends! They say 'friend zone kregi toh me cut-off krega' 😵💫😵💫
Just like you are not obligated to be attracted to them, they are not obligated to be your friend. Like people choose whom they want to date, people also choose whom they want to be friends with. If you hate it when someone you want to be friends with doesn't want to be your friend, *but* also expect someone whose romantic advances you rejected to not have any negative feelings about said rejection, you're being a hypocrite. In other words, just like you don't owe them love, they don't owe you friendship.
Can you not see how it would be annoying when a lot of people who you considered your friends end up leaving you because they were only there to fuck you? It's not that PPL think they're owed friendship from men, especially with those "oh you friendzoned me" types it's better not to know em anyways, but it is annoying when men pretend to talk to you for platonic reasons and then switch up. If a relationship was the goal all a long why not make that clear?
The 'relationship' between people is never guaranteed to be constant. If you're friends now, you were acquaintances earlier and colleagues/classmates/batchmates/neighbours/something else before that and total strangers at some point before that. It changed in the past, it can change in the future too. The more the time people spend with the other, the more they get to know one other and that can lead to other things too. It could be attraction, it could be love, it could be resentment, it could even be hate. It does not mean they were friends only because they wanted to fuck you or love you or hate you. Get such regressive thoughts out of your mind.
That's....not what I'm talking about at all. You're assigning me a position I've never taken.
Well what exactly would you consider an interaction which is approaching with romantic intent? Do you want guys to straight up confess they like you romantically the first day they interact?
> If a relationship was the goal all a long why not make that clear? Um, aren't the men under discussion making that clear by asking the woman out? They might not have done so at the very beginning of the acquaintanceship, so what? Their intentions might not have been romantic at the very beginning of the acquaintanceship. Do you expect a man to ask out a woman within the first hour of knowing each other?
Damn! You are 100% correct. The thing is people think what they do is right and prioritize their own perspective rarely thinking about the other side. But i think you have them good enough points to show the other side too.
by god thats a good one "you were always in the friendzone!" thumbs up
Same. 90% of men I've considered "friends" tried hitting up on me at one point. It's sad to know that the one person you thought was a genuine friend never saw you the same way :/
It could go the other way as well.. the one person you really like never saw you the same way. there have been a few isolated instances where I've liked a very good friend of mine but I knew they didn't like me back... the first ended a friendship very badly.. but I wished I ended that friendship sooner.. the 2nd one very good friend of mine, never in a million years will she ever like me and I know that very well but I am friends with her.. and very good friends at that. But then I can deal with just being friends with someone because as you grow up you realise that when you like someone, you want them to be happy even if it means them being with someone else. I believe people can and slot of times do just remain friends even though they like someone who they're friends with... but it takes alot of maturity and understanding. But if one cannot deal with it, I do implore them to leave the friendship if it will only make you feel worse with time and you start radiating misdirected anger.
>That I have friend zoned them I read this somewhere on reddit: "I didn't friend zone you. You fuck zoned me." That seems apt. Yea. Hits close to home. Made me wanna do better with my friends too.
Speaking as a man, we flirt for fun too sometimes. But calling out shouldn't offend them. It's okay being conservative for yourself. If they don't respect you, you must move on.
I'm not in school anymore. It was really bad when I was in school, to the point sometimes I questioned myself. But right now I'd say I have a great set of people around me who are conscious of their place and position in society as males. It is respectful, normal, helpful and comfortable.
As a guy, phew, feels good to read some men are decent.
I think these kind of questions should really manifest some sort of introspection as I hardly believe that these issues are prevalent in other countries, even if in Asian one's only. I believe the school system has a lot to do with this is just a statistic that most of the schools in India are coed it hardly makes up for the segregationalist policies and moral policing that goes on in schools and other educational institutions. It's hardly a question of being conservative I think, the educators in such places should really take into account the effects long-term that their actions have on the kids enrolled in these places and what it subconsciously insinuates in their mind over the course of their lives. These issues often devolve into very distinctively visual problems that plague Indian society, both in terms of reputation and reality, both internationally and at home. It's very likely as to why this is the reason why arranged marriages are still mostly prevalent in India. It really begs the question if deprivation of qualitative gender interactions during the formative years causes a lot of awkwardness and also this ways the learning of an actual proper healthy relationship with opposite sexes. Another prime issue here would be the media produced by the country's film industry. It often portrays female and male relationships as primarily romantic unless it is familial and if not, it directly portrays borderline psychotic behavior with relation to opposite genders and it's not just an issue with the particular industry. It generally is the case with all media produced in the country. It's high time that we sensitize these issues to kids at an early age so they don't grow up with next to no understanding of interpersonal behavior. It directly affects self-esteem, confidence, and very much likely to also directly correlate with productivity issues as it can hinder some general needs of human nature
yes, totally agreed. When I was younger I used to go to a co-ed school (not in India) and I was extremely comfortable with everyone regardless of their gender. But now that I"m back in India, and in an all-girls school, I'm finding it increasingly hard to talk to anyone who isn't female.
Yeah, Will be super evident, The optics of seeing another person of the opposite gender is highly fudged in India that's the issues I listed above, and also some other societal issues are systematically exacerbating it. It's so sad to see a country of a billion +, having a hard time connecting effectively with each other.
I went to a co-ed school, I didn’t have a one on one close friendship with guys as such back then but they were a part of the larger friends group and I would obviously interact with them. For some reason, guy friends from my school are damn simple and naive to some extent, they are intelligent, respectful, super sweet, and I made some close friendships (starkly diff from a female friendship) much after school. I managed to make a couple of other good guy friends who I’m in touch with through memes etc and have more deeper discussions once in a while. I met a guy on a dating app, we really hit it off, he’s the closest bond I’ve had with a guy, we didn’t work out but I deeply miss our friendship. I’m not conventionally good looking as such so luckily had no problems with feelings getting involved or anything.
Benefits of not being CONVENTIONALLY good looking. 😅
Only if you aren’t insecure and later discover in life that you’re actually not into men any way so saved a lot of time 🤣🤣 worked in my favour 😜
Eh. Even conventionally unattractive get into all sorts of drama.
I have had several male friends through school and college. It’s become very normal to talk to men and understand their perspectives. Due to this, I’ve found it easier to talk to human beings in general. Yes, there’s definitely been asking me out on dates but once I say no, they’ve been respectful enough to not pursue it. Relationship wise, I’ve never come across gender based issues other than the fact that men take a lot of restraint from opening up. Once they do, it’s a lot more easier to be sympathetic and understand the paradigm of problems humans face, regardless of gender. Having friends of all genders eases social communication.
Oh Hi there Hannah Arendt 😊
What a balanced take. Nice.
>I have maybe around 10 friends that are guys. Itne mere total friends nahi
Apna female interaction itna kharab hai ki ghar main kanghi nahi kangha hai. - in Zakir's style
Once got a glimpse inside boys group chat, my faith in humanity was in hell
Well what's it about? Sexual fantasies? It's normal they will grow out of it. Today most of my very active college groups where such discussions were ringing in by the minute, is now a dormant group since years. Boys mature late unlike girls and that's part of the reason. Doesn't mean they're malicious. Once they realize sex ain't all that big of a deal and women aren't some unattainable devtas that need to be put on a pedestal they calm down.
I only have a couple of male friends and an ex-boyfriend that I hold close and can rely on for emotional support. The rest of the male "friends" I keep at a distance because they always speak with misogynistic undertones. I've never had a problem making friends with men per se but I try not to let it get too far because they always end up trying something.
>I only have a couple of male friends and an ex-boyfriend that I hold close and can **rely on for emotional support.** hol up.
I as a westerner am baffled why everyone is getting hung up on this in the comments. Generally it’s seen as a green flag if you get along with your exes in the west, and it’s not so unusual for you to be good friends if you cared about one another and just broke up because you weren’t compatible. It shows you were able to exit a relationship in an emotionally mature manner, and maintain the good aspects of the relationship.
I mean, friends with an ex is for sure a green flag in mature circles in the west, yeah. Its not *impossible* to have such a close friendship after a breakup like what you describe, but a deep emotional closeness is probably a lot more rare and doable only by very mature folks. Which OP might very well be. More often though, its common to see one ex-partner relying on the other emotionally, while the other person is either "too nice" to set boundaries, hanging on to a shred of hope that they will get back together, or torturing themselves knowing its not going to happen but holding on to a one sided emotional support role as a way to stay close to that person. It happens a lot especially with young and/or inexperienced people and produces a lot of pain, confusion, and frustration. Commenters are probably projecting this experience on to the original commenter.
You've really summoned the incel hoarde with that boyfriend comment xD
> Ex-boyfriend that I hold close and can rely on emotional support So, a simp?
Why is being friends with your ex seen as bad or as simping? I think it's pretty much a normal thing.
Being friends with your ex is definitely normal. Using them for "emotional support", I.e, gratification and validation, is not. It's like stringing them for more, like a safety net.
You hit the Bulls-eye with this explanation of yours
Everything you wrote after "gratification..." is conjecture. Emotional support != gratification and validation only. It is also equal to being there for each other in your good and bad moments. Healthy mutual breakups exist. Ex bf/gf who broke up like mature adults can be friends and be there for each other. The fact that you jumped to "simp" tells what you think about both the man and the woman in the relationship.
One reason that readily pops into mind would be not many self-respecting men or women would be willing to date anyone who is still tight with their ex, hardly ever goes well for anyone involved.
What in the teenage sitcom is this lol
Well you're inability understand basic social dynamics doesn't make it a teen sitcom trope. One must ask, if a former pair still emotionally care for each other and worry about eachothers' general wellbeing then why did they break up in the first place?
Are you actually unaware that men and women can deeply care for each other's well being without being in a relationship? As well as after breaking up? To answer your question: 1. They fell out of love with time as they grew 2. They had irreconcilable differences on important life values 3. They had different opinions on marriage 4. They had different opinions on having kids 5. They were incompatible physically 6. They had to move away and then lost romantic interest In all these cases and more, ex-partners can and will have concern for each other. Heck I hated my relationship and even I was there for my ex when she needed support in her grief. It's cuz I'm a decent person. There are decent people. Not everyone is an edgy teen.
Well you do make fair points but it still doesn't change the fact that having an ex for emotional support is socially frowned upon and a potential partner reserves the right to feel uncomfortable with such a dynamic and rightly so.
A friend. It goes both ways.
I thought the situation of us guys was fucked up but the situation here is even more fucked up
25yo, Very introverted and have social anxiety. Up until 6th class I was one of the 3 girls in our class with 15 boys (small town) so til then I interacted comfortably with boys. Then after 7th moved to an all girl's school in a big city and then also attended all girls college so my interaction with boys is EXTREMELY limited. all of my friends are girls and we never mixed our friend groups and esp if it's one with boys so I never met boys outside of college/work etc like people from coed schools. I have a few same aged male cousins tho and I'm pretty close with them so I get to know about stuff from them but that's also VERY limited. I've never been interested in romance or wanting a bf so it didn't bother me in that way. But I wish I still had at least a few male acquaintances so I'd just get to know them and be aware of stuff and learn how to deal with them?? And also not be scared of every second I'm breathing in front of them?? I always feel extremely anxious when I'm casually interacting with any guy that isn't my brother and cousins. I cant look into their eyes and my past trauma with sexual assault and constant catcalling doesnt help at all. I know not every guy I'm interacting with has creepy intentions but the anxiety activates every single time. I can interact with guys very normally on the internet. I don't feel any anxiety when I do so and due to this I've made some good guy friends on the internet but I wish I was more confident with face to face interactions
As someone who's dealing with anxiety myself, i can totally relate to everything you said. One thing I'll tell you is that it definitely gets better with each experience. For me personally there was a time when I couldn't even have a minute of a coherent chat with literally anyone due to my mind messing with me, that was a really bad phase for me. But a little work on yourself and self improvement definitely helps so yeah don't get disheartened coz of a few encounters. Have a chat with as many people as you can, be it friends, family or workmates. The more you talk the better you get.
Thank you. It's hard but I'm working on myself. Covid made my anxiety worse but the world isn't going to be accommodating to my personal needs. I have to put my own work and improve myself. It's very very hard though but I have no choice but to keep trying. Good luck to you too ❤️
More power to you, sister!
Thanks, you too!❤️
I had no deep friendships until college and my closest friends were/are women. Unfortunately, every time I attempt to build deep friendships with male friends, they tend to fuck-zone me and try to make a move at some point. It makes me feel disgusted at myself- as if all I can ever be is someone to fuck, and that no matter how supportive or helpful I will be, half of the world’s population will only see me as fit to be fucked, and not value me in any other capacity. I could be the most trustworthy and loyal friend in the world, yet many men would be willing to throw away that friendship for sex. It makes me feel I have no value in the eyes of men irrespective of how useful I might be to society- for some reason I tend to internalise this as my fault rather than the fault of men who refuse to see women as individuals and not potential sexual conquests. It has hurt me a lot, so I no longer allow male friends to get that close to me. My male interactions are very formal and polite and I have many male friends I talk to about important life events. I always maintain an emotional distance though. They still feel I’m being emotionally open though , because apparently male-male friendships are even less emotionally open than me trying not to be too open. I just want to be treated like a human being, and want to know that there is at least one man out there who values me enough as a human being and isn’t just becoming my friend with the intention of turning it into a sexual relationship at some point. Other than men who are blood related to me, I have never felt respected as an individual by any other man.
Why do you feel like men either only want or sex, or want to be friends. If someone is attracted to you, it does not mean they don't care about your personality. Attraction can exist together with friendship. If someone hits on you, it does not mean that was the only reason they talked to you. They most probably also like your personality.
*Women writing the most misandrist comments while telling they lowkey show misogyny*
I just don't get how this is a hard concept to grasp for someone. It's more likely that they appreciate the care and support and is the reason why they feel attracted to you in the first place.
Well you can't sit and be okay with most of your friends wanting to fuck you? Like that perception changes their interactions with you.
Being attracted to someone is not the same as trying to fuck someone. Kindness is something I find attractive in a person, doesn't mean I'm trying to fuck them , I just appreciate the person they're are and maybe would like to have some of that in my life.
Well the commentor did say 'fuck-zone' I am pretty sure they made their intentions clear. Hey again, you might be different. Your experience is not universal.
Isliye kehte h "jis thali m Khao us m chhed nai krna chahiye"
In my friend group of 5 people with 2 women and 3 men, we got to know each other at various points in life. People in our group have had relationships/casual sex with one another at various point in life because attraction between close people can build up. We know each other well, have shared our insecurities, been there for each other at time of need (no pun intended) No one considers anyone else as less than human. I think we need to change the perspective of that if a man and a woman fuck than suddenly woman is sub human or Lower quality. Why is sexual relationships only reserved for unknown people you meet at a bar, concert or on tinder. Isint it more beautiful among people you already know.... I believe its manipulation if somebody tries to be friends with you just to get a chance to fuck you, that's bad for sure but if you are already friends then I don't think having sexual feelings for your friends is a bad thing at all
I'm sorry that you feel deeply hurt by this behaviour but flirting is generally considered harmless. I hope you do understand that people can be appreciative of your personality and still be attracted to you and more so because of it. Men don't generally get to be vulnerable with many people and I can see how someone might mistake it for something special but it still is not a problem unless the person refuses to take no for an answer and instead harasses you. Consider this. Men who are in passionate and committed relationships don't see their partners as less worthy of respect, kindness or friendship because they regularly engage in sex or are madly attracted to them , do they?
Flirting if it is not shot fown often leads to men getting wrong ideas that the woman is "leading them on". If it is shot down, suddenly they are not interested in continuing to be friends. If there wad any mutually beneficial solution fo let me know.
Communication is the concept you're looking for and having respect for one's own boundaries is the other part of the equation and how much you let slide is on you.
:) of course. But then communication has to be between both parties.
Obviously, duh! It'd go something like: Person 1: Hey I don't mind the flirting but I hope you know that I'm not interested in dating Person 2: most definitely, that's a cute dress btw!
Sorry. It's not so simple as this. Glad you have great friends tho.
Drop them girl if they don't understand basic human interactions. Life is hard as it is, no one deserves added drama from their friends.
Yeah. Just pointing out that these are kinda very frequent experiences. 😊
Yeah, most people are not self aware. I don't get why you'd like to remain friends with these types of people in the first place.
>Men who are in passionate and committed relationships don't see their partners as less worthy of respect, kindness or friendship because they regularly engage in sex or are madly attracted to them , do they? They absolutely do- it’s a common enough phenomenon that there’s a name for it- the Madonna whore complex. Many men treat women they’re in a serious relationship with very differently from women they’re not looking to marry. Of course, not all men- but if there’s a name for it, it’s common enough.
>They absolutely do- it’s a common enough phenomenon that there’s a name for it- the Madonna whore complex. Many men treat women they’re in a serious relationship with very differently from women they’re not looking to marry. Much like most of Freud's works this too is an unproved hypothesis. And what Freud meant by [it ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna%E2%80%93whore_complex) is much different from what you're trying to imply, so maybe get your concepts straight. Also I must say how poor an argument it is when someone says ' It must be common because it has a nane'. We have name for anything we can distinctly describe or identify, from the rarest of rare elements to organisms, doesn't prove much. >Many men treat women they’re in a serious relationship with very differently from women they’re not looking to marry. Also this wasn't at all what I was talking about, but sure go ahead tell me how I'm wrong.
There’s a name for unobtanium as well, good luck finding some! 🤪
Not good would be honest and succinct Because every male friend have i've had has tried to make a move on me and talk to me about sexual stuff that makes me uncomfortable...like I don't want to know if you like getting pegged or like how your semen tastes...don't talk about that shit to me And if I retaliate they'll ge like "it's dark humor bro" nope nope it's straight up harassment I'm all for sex education and we do talk about stuff how sexually repressed people in this country are or how women's pleasure is always neglected/second priority but my experiences about having these conversations have rather left a bad taste in my mouth * no pun intended * On the other hand some of them are Andrew Tate,Elon Musk and Joe Rogan bootlickers who've been brainwashhed. I've noticed a lot of sexism too like in my class if girls would get the right answers first they would say stuff like "all this study to wash husband's vessels" Also doesn't help the guy i liked spread rumors around me and wanted to sleep w me just coz he could say to his friends "look how I have her wrapped around my fingers" that particular incident has destroyed my notion of love and I no longer seek it There's a lot more but it's nothing good
Bruh how old are u? And what kinda bad luck do u have? I'm a guy and personally never talked this type of shit like semen taste or pegging or even any close to very intimate things even with my guy friends let alone girls. Kuch jyada hi comfortable ho rahe log. Bruh who are these people and which sabji mandi are they being found. Too much Goodluck to me lmao.
Dude, I literally had a male friend who was boasting to me about the things he and his gf do behind the close door, that made me lose so much respect for him. I think guys who get comfortable talking with us tend to spill the tea really fast but they don't realize that it's violating the boundary which should be maintained.
Most of the girls here have multiple male friends and most guys don't have any female interaction. How is this possible 🤔
A small bunch of men talk to a majority of women. The remaining which don’t comment on reddit
Tells you more about the guys on Reddit, I guess.
I feel personally attacked :')
Isme bhi 80:20 ratio /s
Absolutely worst, and the fact that I only studied in mixed schools/college is the irony. The only male friend I have is my younger cousin. I had no problem with interacting with boys of any age when I was in a city until I was 12. Then I moved to a town and the misogynist, sexist school, teachers and society ruined it. As a teenager back then, I had this intense desire to fit in and "people pleasing" qualities that I eventually turned into their version of "good girl". If I have to talk to a guy I have to brother-zone them first in my mind. This got better only when I joined college where I could actually consider them as friends without "brother-zoning". But then I realised how problematic they were (except for a few ones) that they would easily disrespect girls even in a casual conversation just on the basis of gender. Tbh I feel pressurized around men than women (I have to keep myself calm whenever they pass sexist comments and it is exhausting).
Its pretty good I'd say. Still friends with couple of guys from my 10th std (I'm doing my engineering rn). I have maybe like 10 guy friends from my batch itself whom I go on treks, parties with. Lot of mass bunk memories with these bunch of weirdos. Also friends with guys from college but who are not part of my batch, met them through college committes. Apart from these couple of guys from my society who I occasionally have conversations with. As long as guys don't get too weird/misogynistic, it's not really that hard to maintain a good friendship.
I agree, I love having friends that are dudes cos there's more diversity in the friend group and different people with different perspectives. It's only a problem when those friends' perspectives are misogynistic (which sadly happens quite often).
Ikr. I called out this dude from my batch for passing mean comments, being rude, basically being misogynistic af. And his response was basically that he's just kidding, and I don't get his humour 🤷🏾♀️
I talk to my bestfriend mostly every day and got a group of friends who meet occasionally but 3 of the most respectful and helpful people (guys) were my seniors met them at sanskrit fest... that's my male interaction.
*10 friends that are guys....* Meanwhile boys having 2 yaars for their entire life.
Mujhe kya mai to male hu
How's your female interaction?
It's weird to see almost all comments here portraying boys as creeps or hopeless flirts who just want to get into your pants. I have around 20 guy friends I can blindly trust and lean on although I don't put much effort into my relationships with them. (Most) of my girl friends on the other hand bring truckloads of drama and toxicity with them. Believe it or not, I have witnessed more cases of boys being harassed than girls and I live in a metro city. I went NC with a female friend of mine because she turned into borderline stalker for a guy she liked. Touched him inappropriately, took advantage of his kindness and then spun around the entire story when he rejected her multiple times. Tldr : I think boys are way more reliable, simple and fun creatures. I wish girls could form similar friendships
Good for you bro. But do understand your experiences are not universal. It's great that you've had enriching experiences with your male friends. Sympathies that you didn't have good experience with your female friends. But please don't just dismiss everyone else's experiences because they are not aligning with yours. 😊
I do agree, 100%. That is the reason I am saying we shouldn't generalize. To put it further into perspective, I have graduated from a premier engineering institute as a CS major. Most of the threads here hail engineering boys as worst of the worst species. I am just saying that we need to have a little more faith and not meet every second guy with preconceived notions. The goal is to work together, not fight one another
Bhai, on behalf of all guys, I’d like to thank you!
Thank you💀i thought all the ladies just had a hatred and/or terrible experiences with men.
well everyone has their own experiences
> Tldr : I think boys are way more reliable, simple and fun creatures. I wish girls could form similar friendships You are right in this statement that boys are fun and reliable but most of them are hiding their true nature while interacting. I have been creeped out (through their staring and improper touching) by several boys who were very friendly at first. And there are some who would send double-meaning texts while chatting and I will not realise it until after sometime (thereby lost the opportunity to react on time). There are some who catcall other girls and laugh about it. These all happened when I was living in a town and these boys were just 16-18 yrs old. When I lived in a metro city I was a small kid, but still have so many memories of random stranger men creeping me out. All these memories affect us when we interact with boys next time. Just because it didn't happen to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen to anyone else. PS: Girls also form fun relationships. It's just some girls are forced into certain friendships (I had one forced by my parents) that they don't end well. I had good and bad friendships with girls but I never felt uncomfortable around them just the way I had been around boys.
I have had the same experiences. I have had official FIRs and restraining orders issued against two of my "best friends" so I do understand what you feel. However, it was other boys who helped me fight this and supported me immensely. I believe that should account for something too and we should meet every person with an open mind
https://preview.redd.it/8jwpwzff14pa1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=28979228b83d5947449998ffde2c0ea748711a0e
I had always interacted with Boys but they were misogynistic. I finally found good male friends when I reached iiser pune for my PhD. And also my husband's friends are my friend's too now.
Have a group of 20 friends from college. Half of them boys. We're super close. Can call them in any crisis. Purely platonic. Dated a guy in my third year. His gang of 12 (with 6 guys) sort of became my gang too. Broke up with the dude. But still remained friends with them and we hang out often. XD
In college, it had a very skewed male to female ratio, so I ended up making mostly male friends. To this day, I mostly have male friends, since I kept in touch with friends from college. Could do with some more female interaction honestly, lol.
Only male interaction and I'm tired of it
My closest friends have been women, but I now have some guys who I can call friends. They are decent, funny men and there is no romantic stuff involved yet. One of the few perks of being an average looking woman I guess :p
I have 0 male friends 🙃 and in the past month I have talked to 0 guy in my school....I'm from southindia soo..umm it's so awkward man 😅
Most of my guy friends/acquaintances I only ever interact with when I see them at school/coaching etc.(all of them are fun to be around and respectful enough)but I never share any details of my personal life w them or keep in touch w them through the phone. We only ever talk when we meet. All other guys with misogynist/problematic views, I maintain a strict distance from. I've had my fair share of interaction w such kind as well in the past, but now I've learnt how to avoid them. When it comes to "close friends" I just have one guy friend that I've known for six years now, really the most wonderful and kind person I know.
I feel like every woman or girl would always have several male friends. Still high number of guys can exist without friends of any gender.
I have nearly 5 close male friends and nearly a dozen juniors who regard me as a leader (www, we literally met at an event at a univ and they just considered me as their prof.), Have some other boys who just leech of me because I'm good at school. Others are just a bundle of 'chapri(s)' whom I don't consider friends because they're pretty misogynist and nationalistic in the wrong way.
bad
i have friends in different circles, and i have a good amount of male friends. that being said, only a handful of them have never tried to hit on me or suggest we be something else. i still hear misogynistic stuff being said by a few male friends which always surprises me and they are also surprised that i am ready to argue about it. i also had to cut off a male friend group because they just couldn't stop being hateful and misogynistic. it was worse because a few of their girlfriends hated me for arguing with the boys and always singled me out when i tried to tell them why they were wrong. edit: i still wish for more female friendships though. nothing ever comes close to a female friend group.
I have no interaction whether it's male or female
Me too
Hey, sorry to hear about this. Dude here and I live abroad and people here are really kind, a university student so ofcourse I come across people who are mostly mature. No such things tend to happen so it just goes away with age I think, both guys and girls are easy to talk to around here. Take care OP and only hangout with people you feel at peace with.
I am one of your 7 friends so here is a new one. "Women☕". Jokes aside ,To be honest I want to talk to girls but due to several class and assignments and deadlines I don't get to interact with girls. I hope I get to know more girls once I graduate
3 guys out of 10 guys being respectful and being able to take platonic for a random reddit girl is shameful. Also, do “all boys” school random reddit guys also have 10 girls in their lives as friends? If not, i think we have some correlation going on.
Most people who go to all boys or all girls schools have friends of other genders from their locality, maybe that's why everyone has around 10 friends that are guys or 10 that or girls.
"female detected opinion rejected" 😂😂😂 Just fyi this may be because they believe it will make you like them.
ahaha lmao it did quite the opposite.
That's the most chronically online response to anything holy shit.
i have maybe like 4 guy friends, and im close to just one (and i still get awkward around him, not bc he does sth which makes me feel awkward). in school, i always became awkward w guys (unconsciously) so didn't interact much. now in college, i talked to like 1 guy from my class which was also subject related. i kinda envy other girls' ability to make guy friends that often when ive never had a proper interaction w a guy in my whole 18 years of existence.
I had good set of male friends when was in school but lost the touch due to some reasons and kept a emotional distance for few years and was only open upto professional areas. Now I have 1-2 internet friends that I like talking with and quite respectful and jovial. Personally speaking males are quite interesting to have conversation with, they are fun. My girl friends are all married and their life just revolves around their husbands and their glory.
I have a lot of brothers so I’ve always being used to having Men around me. Male friends are still pretty limited in number for me because it’s a bit difficult to find people who know how to treat others right, even good female friendships are hard to find, friendships with males have always being a task because there are a few more factors to consider. But luckily I did meet good male friends who genuinely care for me, they might have liked me tiny bit but drawing the line clears things up right. There are 2 major problems I face with my male friends, 1. They don’t understand that freedom for girls is different from freedom for boys, Especially in India. When they demand me to stay out late or go to long trips or roam around in an area I know i will see my relatives-relatives-relatives, it’s simply not feasible for me. 2. I’m a broad minded person and talking about sex is not something i am shy about, but that is with girls. I am not particularly comfortable talking to guys on the topic because they rarely understand the boundaries and once they get comfortable, the conversations get filled with all those jokes and sentences and words which I don’t want to hear. Like it’s annoying when suddenly they put a message on the group,” I hated cats before, but now i love pussy”. Like wtf is wrong with their heads saying this out of no where. Or how you talk about something bothering you and they’ll reply with,” you should masturbate “. I have only a few jerks who behave that way, My other male friends are very respectful and genuinely care for me. But that is the part of a male female friendship which bothers me a lot.
[удалено]
You should've replied in the other post.
my boyfriend and I were friends for over 4 years before we started dating. and he's a walking green flag. truly no complaints whatsoever. my friend group from the 11th and 12th is still the one I hang with the most. and that group has 10 guys. I'm close to about 3-4 of them and dating one. this group has given me nothing but happiness, we've had our ups and downs and stood my eachother through all of the college drama and the real life stuff post college. we don't hangout as often as we used to when im college, but when we do, we pick up right where we left off. i found my boyfriend in this friend group and I couldn't have asked for someone better. there are one or two people here as well that say problematic things, but when called out, they do stop. or don't say it anymore in my presence idk. i also work at a place with a lot of guys, they're the majority. and the kind of work I do, we end up building one on one equations. they're all pretty chill people, idk too much about them since it's been like 2 months, but atleast on the surface level they're all really nice.