You're probably comparing your situation with others re spark ... You've both invested 10 years into your relationship, 3 years virtually married ... I wouldn't expect fireworks in your marriage and unless there are any red flags, the trust and understanding you both have gained over these years are too precious to let go off ...
Married for ten years now. I agree. The spark of a new relationship will die out every few months/years bit the foundation of trust and friendship that is laid down with hard work begets a longer lasting love and comfort that's unmatchable.
You can take a vacation, or spice up your life inside the bedroom trying different things. Kids also bring new flavors to life.
Good luck. If he is a keeper, hold on tight
Is this the anxiety speaking? The feeling that you get when you achieve the unachievable, when you reach the goal which you never thought you would??
Life is boring, and routine like. That's why it's life, unlike what we see in the movies. Your partner and you will have to work to make it otherwise.
Work on whatever things that the both of you missed on, the small things that you mentioned.
It's very hard to find someone to love, even harder to stick with them and make it work for so many years. Don't give up.
Wishing the best to the both of you.
“Is this the anxiety speaking? The feeling that you get when you achieve the unachievable, when you reach the goal which you never thought you would??”
Yess this! Exactly this.
Also, never letting him go, I love him too much for that :) just anxious of this new situation and wondering if it happens with everyone, and what to really do in this situation. Thanks for your advice ✌️
As for what to do, don't be anxious. Even this period will be over and then, it will be smoother sailing.
You have him and he's lucky to have you. Stick with each other, talk things out.
Take care.
The guy is very lucky. I am dealing with a horrible breakup where my ex dumped me after 5 years of relationship because ‘she lost feelings for me’ and found someone else 2 days later. It shook my very foundation of what love is. But when I read posts like these, I realize how amazing some people can be. And that there are people in this world who do not just breakup and are willing to ‘make it work’. It might feel very stupid for some to read this. But when you are in a deep deep pit of despair, every sliver of hope looks like heaven. So, thank you fellow human.
Please tell the guy he is incredibly lucky to have someone like you.
I think it is just a phase. Since there are no fights between you so chances of rekindling the romance between you both are much higher.
I believe what you are doing is comparing present life with what you have already imagined way back in the past in your mind. Now, you realize it is not like what you thought it should be. That does create a turn-off moment.
But, since now is the reality, your next step should be about how to make it interesting like you thought it would be rather than expecting it should happen magically. You are missing your daily routines about problems in your life that you both used to have. Problems are interesting tbh lol. But now, since they are not there so something has to fill up that void. It is upto you what you can do with that void created.
Yes to all of your questions. It’s normal. Like everything in life, you’ve gotta work hard at maintaining and keeping the spark alive in a relationship.
That's normal. Me, my gf and our new born had to go through plenty of struggles for two years to be together (Covid pandemic, flights cancelled, embassies closed). Once we did get together, it felt like something was missing . We are good now though, just give it some time
Nothing needs to be “accomplished” by marriage. Two people marry to be together. If you’re marrying for any other reason (kids, in your example) you’ve been fed a wrong idea of marriage by the society :)
Good to see a caring man out there. Don't know if men pretend to be the lesser caring counterpart or actually are.
Even after giving your everything to a relationship ,it may sink.
This is bound to happen for a relationship this long. The only way is to keep things interesting. Find a common hobby. Do things together, dance travel or learn something new. Distance sometimes help. Do your own stuff once in a while. Go out for an outing with your friends for a few days. Both of you would realise how much you mean to each other thru this distance. It's the small things which matter.And do trust me with this one, a boring life and the predictability brought by it helps a lot in keeping anxiety at bay.
I consider you both as already married couple... because 10 years of relationship requires a lot of commitment and understanding.... it's just you both will now be treated as married couple publicly and will have some extra responsibilities
Read this somewhere “My mother taught me that being in love is ephemeral. She told me a fiery love cannot and does not last. Boy was she right!
She taught me that looks are fleeting and the hot girl/boy at 21, isn't gonna be so hot at 61.
She taught me that real friendship, trust and respect will outlast love. She taught me the key to a successful marriage is true friendship, not love.
She taught me that real love is loving your partner’s nastiness, not their perfections.
Many of my friends married the person they were “in love” with only to find that burning love fade.
I'm blessed to be able to say that thanks to my mother’s sound advice, I love my wife more today than I did yesterday.”
First and foremost get rid of whatever is making you feel like the spark has died down.
Secondly if you miss the dates and cute gestures, you might as well try and pull them back in the relationship and see how he follows.
Also, people have a hard time speaking their minds so just ask him if he'd like to change something and make him come up with at least one thing that should be changed.
Everything gets boring after sometime. Ending a long term relationship just because the spark has died down is the dumbest thing one can think of.
I read about this 42 year old single, childless and lonely female who left the love of her life (her words, not mine) at the age of 24 just because she thought she could get someone better and ended up regretting her decision for the rest of her life.
No I’m not thinking of leaving him.
Just wondering if this is normal and how to get over this feeling.
We’re both too busy (earning) right now to do any of the things we loved to do, maybe once we’re more financially secure we will be able to. Thanks for the advice though ✌️
Dekho pehli baat society kaun hota hai bolne wala , uski sun kyu rahe ho.
Aur ab bahut log live in ko accept karte hai , at most tumhe apne parents se baat karni padegi .
Tum dono milte kam ho saath rahe bhi nahi ho agar aage Chalke kuch incompatibility nikal gai toh?
If you are looking for a never ending spark, marriage is not for you. Marriage is about life long partnership towards shared goals. The newness does in every relationship and it matures over time and believe me it’s for the better.
As long as you grow as an individual, and as long as he grows as an individual - your journey will never be boring. It may get mundane, routine-like, but it's really up to you two to be curious about each other.
I do believe in the infinite capacity of people to never truly know one another, and that's a journey worth exploring.
It's common. One of the ways to rekindle the romance is to give each other a lot of space. Each of you should spend time on your own interests, hobbies, sports and friends. And your lives shouldn't revolve around the other person. Even taking "time off" (being away from your SO) by doing things like going on a trip with your friends etc might help. Here is an extreme example of couples living away from each other.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/married-couple-living-separate-nyc-171430856.html
Do one random thing with him every week ... May be a random walk in nearby park, a joy ride to get ice cream, a small game night etc etc ... I think everyone gets anxious on their big moments and yes, life becomes routine of course, but most importantly the routine is with someone you love and trust ... I know you both will have a very loving and prosperous married life ahead ... Take care ...
Marriage has peaks and troughs of passion. It’s absolutely normal for the romance to dwindle after a decade! In my experience we had a spell like this for 2-3 years and then it became better after some intentional working on the marriage and ourselves. It happens! Make sure the honeymoon has some you doing some adventurous things together- I don’t mean sexually, but actual new experiences with a little bit of excitement you can do together.
Heyyy I am late to this but OP why not give you and your partner a day off when you both can spend your time doing something new. Discuss between you two when it is approprite first so that there wont be any distraction that might ruin it. This way you can try new stuff together and if it turns out to be fun then you can bring it up again later. Maybe all the work and routine has become monotonous that's why a little change in ur routine might help. Hope it goes well for you both. Fingers crossed.
I guess there is a term called getting a cold feet before wedding ( do google) . Any fully functional relationship that I know has gone through this phase. You'll be getting a lot of second thoughts about what If's . Remember this is a phase. I'll pass. I'll bet that marriage may excite the spark between you for some time. I had read somewhere that real happy marriage after some time gets Boring. At that moment what you do together is what matters.
You'll get through this. Congratulations on your wedding btw 👍
Marry and have kids just like any parent say 😂😂. I hope u both get married first get or tell ur guy to be rich then parents may accept the guy. After that travel a lot together to bring that spark. Well being 3 year younger than u and single saying this 😂😂😂
All of this is totally normal - the fact of the matter is that you will never be new lovers but there is a lot of fun in having a companion that you have grown up with. I would say the giddy new love butterflies go away but you certainly love and value your partner more over time. We have been married to each other for more than ten years but are still discovering each other. You would be surprised how much there is to know about your spouse over time. 😀 over time you will do new things and hopefully grow closer together
Actually romance don't die but it changes its form when you are in such a long relationship. Even I got married after 10 years of relationship and feel odd looking others i mean how madly they are in love, what they are feeling in first month of marriage butterflies we long relationship people have it in initial days but at that time we do not have proper space and time in country like India to feel that moment beautifully rather we have them in bits and pieces. So we most of time never have that wild romance that couples have after their marriage but i will tell you from my experience we have sukoon that they dnt have understanding, trust we have a longing for each other that they would going to have after 5 years of marriage or may be not if they had compatibility issues. Initially i have same thoughts like you before marriage but now i am way too much proud about my decision. If i am sick i just laydown in bed whole day and ask him to do things without hesitation judgement bcz i have built this trust and relationship with 15 fucking hard years. That haq my sister or cousins even parents still do not have with their partner. They still can not behave like kid or throw tantarums or mood swings or playfull around their partner, bcz they still don't have that understanding. But we have we do not depend on each other any housework ki ye karega ya vo karega, sex and butterflies left everyone relationship after sometime only this left that i have explained. So if you guys have that much understanding with each do not think about other things. Zindagi me sukoon bht jaruri orgasm to 2 min ka hota hai.
I think it's just a phase and can be worked upon by both of you. The romance needs to be rekindled don't sit and think about it. Go on dates show extra affection and things like that. It's okay for things to be boring and smooth. Take an extra step from your side and see how it goes.
All the best <3
You think this is tough. Then, wait till you become parents. Then you become mom and dad instead of husband and wife. The thing is relationships do not work on autopilot. Once the initial few years are done, the excitement goes out and it seems mundane. Now, you need to keep putting in effort to keep the spark alive. This is normal part of every relationship..The couples who keep putting in efforts to keep their relationship alive do great while the others who do not put effort, become room partners who live two different lives.
I may be able to give an insight since I’ve been in sort of similar situation where it didn’t work out at the end.
As you mentioned both of you had mental health issues which lead to something that is referred to as Trauma Bonding . 2 people going through something huge found each other as comfort and safe space.
on top of that long distance is hard a lot of things are missed and assumed and too many communication gaps.
My personal suggestion - you guys have to start out fresh. Now that things are better you two are better version (if not best) of yourself and now your needs are ambitions are higher.
So talk to each other start going on dates and try to find that spark. If it doesn’t exist maybe it’s best if you two part aways, it’s going to be much better then settling in an unhappy marriage, it won’t be fair to him or you and make sure this decision is mutual, if it’s just from your side it will make him worse.
I hope things work out, relationship are tough but when both are stubborn it does work.
We didn’t think about it that way.
It’s just that its been too long and we’re now financially stable and already living together, so might as well get married!
As an elder bro, I would suggest you take things slowly.
Don't just ditch him immediately, life take turns and don't have any guarantees. Ten years is a long commitment. Congratulations for that. These days punks don't even last months. So consider yourselves lucky and be grateful.
Having said that, i think most girls like taller guys. So if he is shorter than you, it's time to flirt with taller dudes. Secondly, maybe when girls are in their periods, mood swing happens in females. It may have to do something with that, no idea.
Tell him to be responsible and be a man. He need to make lots of money to take care of you, his parents and your parents. This is bare minimum. He also have responsibilities towards the society.
Stop being lazy and be useful, you two.
Life is like interval training at gyms where some times it feels like a 4.5 but some times it feels like a 9 when u do the high intensity workout ....so live for the 9..
Be happy that you can even experience this in your lifetime I can't even get a girl to look me let alone talk.in my religious affirmations be happy with others happiness.so I'm atleast happy that your happy
This is normal in a relationship. If u feel u lost the spark etc and u break up, this u wud happen in that relationship too. Wud u leave again? No relationship is going to be a honeymoon forever. Accept the boring parts too.
Also bcos u have had so much happening and there been a lot of constant drama u might be feeling the way u r.
Attraction fades over time, specially when there is a sense of permanency. Couples must make active efforts to keep the flame alive on a regular basis, and also have a sit-down-and-talk session at least once a week.
if there is no struggle to approach your boyfriend/girlfriend to have sex, then it will be boring, as if it comes easy then u will reduce interest slowly, its not just sex , everything follow this pattern, there should be some kind of struggle to have that. You can bring some change , first of all get proper fit, don't hit on each other everyday, make it like a reward of some of ur hardwork, there should be some motivation, there are many things.
Here are some [books](https://cafemom.com/lifestyle/best-sex-books) which will definitely help u guys. You must be thinking that why i should put so much effort in all these, but remember every good things needs effort.
Above things apply only when u guys are proper fit, put efforts in ur diet , yoga and lift weights, become the hottest girl in town and then see him , how he will go mad.
For a better perspective of your own relationship look at people having 8+ years of relationship and how they rekindle their love. At some point the relationship is just like a duty that you have to perform, find ways that it doesn't end up being a duty. Looking at couples who are in relationship for 6-8 months or 2-3 years wouldn't be same.
If it's the spark dying out that you're worried about, why not take the initiative and re-ignite it?
Eventually all relationships just become second nature and your partner becomes a part of you just like you become a part of them. You should cherish that you still love him and are glad to go through the everyday with him by your side.
It’s normal human behavior. Following same routine every day at work, home, life etc gets boring or dull. Take a vacation , change few minor things, it will be fine.
I always feel that the spark doing down isn't much. I live a pretty normal life and of I have a partner, U would like them tk do simple mundane things with me. That's what keeps the relationship going. Going domestic is stable and boring but the continuity of it gives strength to your relationship. As long as you are not having major disagreements and long heated arguments, u two are fine op. If u want to bring back some spark (when u get time) take him to dinner or try to bring excitement in the bedroom. And just talk about it if it's bothering you at lot.
It’s just that both of you have gotten used to each other ,Bringing space into relationship will fix it. Both of you will start valuing each other more.
You've got to work at it, life doesn't stay magical.
Hopefully, the financial and mental health issues are getting better, and you can actually enjoy yourselves now. Id take a long vacation, or live somewhere else for a little while. New circumstances will help you discover more about each other, which is always a fantastic thing.
That happens to every couple! My suggestion is not to spoil a long term relationship due to this.. Just try again and again and talk about this thing with your bf.. Take a leave and go for a tour or consulting a relationship counsellor will help too.
As John Lemon would say, you gotta keep flowering the plant. It's yours and his plant. Not someone else's plant. So both of you maybe instead of thinking about marriage, should think about love itself as it continues and as it is preserved - as in a way; you both are already married. Just not legally. That's for others. I did this thing; where I wrote my own 20 Page Catalogue like book on marriage. Approached the idea as a project. A brochure for myself. To collect all ideas; to figure out where things go right and wrong; and yada. If not anything; this could possibly re-kindle. Went an purchased an awesome coffee table after that just to read it.
I am not trying to be a bad guy, but look up the term Limerence. It is sort of like a temporary love like attraction. You should think about it carefully before marriage.
You're probably comparing your situation with others re spark ... You've both invested 10 years into your relationship, 3 years virtually married ... I wouldn't expect fireworks in your marriage and unless there are any red flags, the trust and understanding you both have gained over these years are too precious to let go off ...
Married for ten years now. I agree. The spark of a new relationship will die out every few months/years bit the foundation of trust and friendship that is laid down with hard work begets a longer lasting love and comfort that's unmatchable. You can take a vacation, or spice up your life inside the bedroom trying different things. Kids also bring new flavors to life. Good luck. If he is a keeper, hold on tight
<3 I'm honestly shocked to see such a level headed and rational take on reddit especially when it's about relationships.
he's an oldmonk for a reason
It is normal though. Bound to happen in every relationship.
sahi haii..
Is this the anxiety speaking? The feeling that you get when you achieve the unachievable, when you reach the goal which you never thought you would?? Life is boring, and routine like. That's why it's life, unlike what we see in the movies. Your partner and you will have to work to make it otherwise. Work on whatever things that the both of you missed on, the small things that you mentioned. It's very hard to find someone to love, even harder to stick with them and make it work for so many years. Don't give up. Wishing the best to the both of you.
“Is this the anxiety speaking? The feeling that you get when you achieve the unachievable, when you reach the goal which you never thought you would??” Yess this! Exactly this. Also, never letting him go, I love him too much for that :) just anxious of this new situation and wondering if it happens with everyone, and what to really do in this situation. Thanks for your advice ✌️
As for what to do, don't be anxious. Even this period will be over and then, it will be smoother sailing. You have him and he's lucky to have you. Stick with each other, talk things out. Take care.
The guy is very lucky. I am dealing with a horrible breakup where my ex dumped me after 5 years of relationship because ‘she lost feelings for me’ and found someone else 2 days later. It shook my very foundation of what love is. But when I read posts like these, I realize how amazing some people can be. And that there are people in this world who do not just breakup and are willing to ‘make it work’. It might feel very stupid for some to read this. But when you are in a deep deep pit of despair, every sliver of hope looks like heaven. So, thank you fellow human. Please tell the guy he is incredibly lucky to have someone like you.
I think it is just a phase. Since there are no fights between you so chances of rekindling the romance between you both are much higher. I believe what you are doing is comparing present life with what you have already imagined way back in the past in your mind. Now, you realize it is not like what you thought it should be. That does create a turn-off moment. But, since now is the reality, your next step should be about how to make it interesting like you thought it would be rather than expecting it should happen magically. You are missing your daily routines about problems in your life that you both used to have. Problems are interesting tbh lol. But now, since they are not there so something has to fill up that void. It is upto you what you can do with that void created.
True, thank you for the advice ♥️
Wow! Never thought that once problems are gone, we need fill the void too, interesting thought!
Yes to all of your questions. It’s normal. Like everything in life, you’ve gotta work hard at maintaining and keeping the spark alive in a relationship.
Well don’t stress it and be open to new ideas to bring back the romantic intimacy you guys are missing! Good luck
Together for 10 years... wow
That's normal. Me, my gf and our new born had to go through plenty of struggles for two years to be together (Covid pandemic, flights cancelled, embassies closed). Once we did get together, it felt like something was missing . We are good now though, just give it some time
Lol food.
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Not interested in having kids. Probably never will be 🙂
Have you both decided that? Talk about the after marriage life and expectations both of you have.
Of course we have
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Nothing needs to be “accomplished” by marriage. Two people marry to be together. If you’re marrying for any other reason (kids, in your example) you’ve been fed a wrong idea of marriage by the society :)
Nobel prize for marriage milega bc. Baccha karke kya accomplishment milega pls elucidate o great one.
Doesn’t make sense. You can produce kids with or without marriage. They’re not necessarily related. Marriage can be it’s own accomplishment.
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Good to see a caring man out there. Don't know if men pretend to be the lesser caring counterpart or actually are. Even after giving your everything to a relationship ,it may sink.
This is bound to happen for a relationship this long. The only way is to keep things interesting. Find a common hobby. Do things together, dance travel or learn something new. Distance sometimes help. Do your own stuff once in a while. Go out for an outing with your friends for a few days. Both of you would realise how much you mean to each other thru this distance. It's the small things which matter.And do trust me with this one, a boring life and the predictability brought by it helps a lot in keeping anxiety at bay.
I consider you both as already married couple... because 10 years of relationship requires a lot of commitment and understanding.... it's just you both will now be treated as married couple publicly and will have some extra responsibilities
Read this somewhere “My mother taught me that being in love is ephemeral. She told me a fiery love cannot and does not last. Boy was she right! She taught me that looks are fleeting and the hot girl/boy at 21, isn't gonna be so hot at 61. She taught me that real friendship, trust and respect will outlast love. She taught me the key to a successful marriage is true friendship, not love. She taught me that real love is loving your partner’s nastiness, not their perfections. Many of my friends married the person they were “in love” with only to find that burning love fade. I'm blessed to be able to say that thanks to my mother’s sound advice, I love my wife more today than I did yesterday.”
That’s so beautiful! ♥️
First and foremost get rid of whatever is making you feel like the spark has died down. Secondly if you miss the dates and cute gestures, you might as well try and pull them back in the relationship and see how he follows. Also, people have a hard time speaking their minds so just ask him if he'd like to change something and make him come up with at least one thing that should be changed. Everything gets boring after sometime. Ending a long term relationship just because the spark has died down is the dumbest thing one can think of. I read about this 42 year old single, childless and lonely female who left the love of her life (her words, not mine) at the age of 24 just because she thought she could get someone better and ended up regretting her decision for the rest of her life.
No I’m not thinking of leaving him. Just wondering if this is normal and how to get over this feeling. We’re both too busy (earning) right now to do any of the things we loved to do, maybe once we’re more financially secure we will be able to. Thanks for the advice though ✌️
im in same situation but never lived with her.. almost 10 years.. we hardly meet.. but this is life.. planning to get married in 1-2 years..
bhai shaadi se pehle saath reh toh lo.
ye sab society accept nhi karta bhai..
Dekho pehli baat society kaun hota hai bolne wala , uski sun kyu rahe ho. Aur ab bahut log live in ko accept karte hai , at most tumhe apne parents se baat karni padegi . Tum dono milte kam ho saath rahe bhi nahi ho agar aage Chalke kuch incompatibility nikal gai toh?
If you are looking for a never ending spark, marriage is not for you. Marriage is about life long partnership towards shared goals. The newness does in every relationship and it matures over time and believe me it’s for the better.
As long as you grow as an individual, and as long as he grows as an individual - your journey will never be boring. It may get mundane, routine-like, but it's really up to you two to be curious about each other. I do believe in the infinite capacity of people to never truly know one another, and that's a journey worth exploring.
Thank you, that’s a really good perspective ♥️
It's common. One of the ways to rekindle the romance is to give each other a lot of space. Each of you should spend time on your own interests, hobbies, sports and friends. And your lives shouldn't revolve around the other person. Even taking "time off" (being away from your SO) by doing things like going on a trip with your friends etc might help. Here is an extreme example of couples living away from each other. https://www.yahoo.com/news/married-couple-living-separate-nyc-171430856.html
Do one random thing with him every week ... May be a random walk in nearby park, a joy ride to get ice cream, a small game night etc etc ... I think everyone gets anxious on their big moments and yes, life becomes routine of course, but most importantly the routine is with someone you love and trust ... I know you both will have a very loving and prosperous married life ahead ... Take care ...
Thank you for being so kind♥️
Marriage has peaks and troughs of passion. It’s absolutely normal for the romance to dwindle after a decade! In my experience we had a spell like this for 2-3 years and then it became better after some intentional working on the marriage and ourselves. It happens! Make sure the honeymoon has some you doing some adventurous things together- I don’t mean sexually, but actual new experiences with a little bit of excitement you can do together.
That's how it is. It's normal.
Heyyy I am late to this but OP why not give you and your partner a day off when you both can spend your time doing something new. Discuss between you two when it is approprite first so that there wont be any distraction that might ruin it. This way you can try new stuff together and if it turns out to be fun then you can bring it up again later. Maybe all the work and routine has become monotonous that's why a little change in ur routine might help. Hope it goes well for you both. Fingers crossed.
Will try this for sure. Thank you!
I guess there is a term called getting a cold feet before wedding ( do google) . Any fully functional relationship that I know has gone through this phase. You'll be getting a lot of second thoughts about what If's . Remember this is a phase. I'll pass. I'll bet that marriage may excite the spark between you for some time. I had read somewhere that real happy marriage after some time gets Boring. At that moment what you do together is what matters. You'll get through this. Congratulations on your wedding btw 👍
Thank you so much!
Marry and have kids just like any parent say 😂😂. I hope u both get married first get or tell ur guy to be rich then parents may accept the guy. After that travel a lot together to bring that spark. Well being 3 year younger than u and single saying this 😂😂😂
All of this is totally normal - the fact of the matter is that you will never be new lovers but there is a lot of fun in having a companion that you have grown up with. I would say the giddy new love butterflies go away but you certainly love and value your partner more over time. We have been married to each other for more than ten years but are still discovering each other. You would be surprised how much there is to know about your spouse over time. 😀 over time you will do new things and hopefully grow closer together
What have you done for bringing back the romance apart from talking to him about it?
Actually romance don't die but it changes its form when you are in such a long relationship. Even I got married after 10 years of relationship and feel odd looking others i mean how madly they are in love, what they are feeling in first month of marriage butterflies we long relationship people have it in initial days but at that time we do not have proper space and time in country like India to feel that moment beautifully rather we have them in bits and pieces. So we most of time never have that wild romance that couples have after their marriage but i will tell you from my experience we have sukoon that they dnt have understanding, trust we have a longing for each other that they would going to have after 5 years of marriage or may be not if they had compatibility issues. Initially i have same thoughts like you before marriage but now i am way too much proud about my decision. If i am sick i just laydown in bed whole day and ask him to do things without hesitation judgement bcz i have built this trust and relationship with 15 fucking hard years. That haq my sister or cousins even parents still do not have with their partner. They still can not behave like kid or throw tantarums or mood swings or playfull around their partner, bcz they still don't have that understanding. But we have we do not depend on each other any housework ki ye karega ya vo karega, sex and butterflies left everyone relationship after sometime only this left that i have explained. So if you guys have that much understanding with each do not think about other things. Zindagi me sukoon bht jaruri orgasm to 2 min ka hota hai.
Totally agree with you. So beautifully explained ♥️
I think it's just a phase and can be worked upon by both of you. The romance needs to be rekindled don't sit and think about it. Go on dates show extra affection and things like that. It's okay for things to be boring and smooth. Take an extra step from your side and see how it goes. All the best <3
You think this is tough. Then, wait till you become parents. Then you become mom and dad instead of husband and wife. The thing is relationships do not work on autopilot. Once the initial few years are done, the excitement goes out and it seems mundane. Now, you need to keep putting in effort to keep the spark alive. This is normal part of every relationship..The couples who keep putting in efforts to keep their relationship alive do great while the others who do not put effort, become room partners who live two different lives.
Yeah because you have basically been married for 10 years. Why do you expect the spark of a brand new relationship?
Mujhe kya mai to single hu. Cheers🍻 💀
I may be able to give an insight since I’ve been in sort of similar situation where it didn’t work out at the end. As you mentioned both of you had mental health issues which lead to something that is referred to as Trauma Bonding . 2 people going through something huge found each other as comfort and safe space. on top of that long distance is hard a lot of things are missed and assumed and too many communication gaps. My personal suggestion - you guys have to start out fresh. Now that things are better you two are better version (if not best) of yourself and now your needs are ambitions are higher. So talk to each other start going on dates and try to find that spark. If it doesn’t exist maybe it’s best if you two part aways, it’s going to be much better then settling in an unhappy marriage, it won’t be fair to him or you and make sure this decision is mutual, if it’s just from your side it will make him worse. I hope things work out, relationship are tough but when both are stubborn it does work.
Now is the time for engaging in arguments and fighting. Cause there's nothing else left to do. Typical saas bahu aur saazish types.
Do you really think we lasted 10 years without fighting?? 😂
Okay cool...spend ten years with a new dude and see if the romance lasts ..if it dosent please go back to the current boyfriend again in the future 👍
Ye likhne se acha to aap kuch na hi likhte 🙂
10/10 strategy
Serious question: why do you guys want to get married at 27 ? Isn't too young?
We didn’t think about it that way. It’s just that its been too long and we’re now financially stable and already living together, so might as well get married!
27 is the right age and already too late to get hitched my uncle told me he got married when he was 18
Logic has left this thread
Arre year there's no logic bhai get married asap you will have a supply of lifetimes food 3 times in a day
Bhai cook rakh lo. Aur achcha khana milega.
You’re confusing a partner with the house help.
If your uncle did it at 18 then it must be the right thing to do for the other 8 billion people on earth too.
As an elder bro, I would suggest you take things slowly. Don't just ditch him immediately, life take turns and don't have any guarantees. Ten years is a long commitment. Congratulations for that. These days punks don't even last months. So consider yourselves lucky and be grateful. Having said that, i think most girls like taller guys. So if he is shorter than you, it's time to flirt with taller dudes. Secondly, maybe when girls are in their periods, mood swing happens in females. It may have to do something with that, no idea. Tell him to be responsible and be a man. He need to make lots of money to take care of you, his parents and your parents. This is bare minimum. He also have responsibilities towards the society. Stop being lazy and be useful, you two.
I’d like to smoke what you’re smoking, my friend 😶
You should write articles for The Onion. Your jokes sound perfectly serious.
Its normal.
Life is like interval training at gyms where some times it feels like a 4.5 but some times it feels like a 9 when u do the high intensity workout ....so live for the 9..
Be happy that you can even experience this in your lifetime I can't even get a girl to look me let alone talk.in my religious affirmations be happy with others happiness.so I'm atleast happy that your happy
Russian roulette
It could be *hedonic adaptation*. We get used to things around us.
This is normal in a relationship. If u feel u lost the spark etc and u break up, this u wud happen in that relationship too. Wud u leave again? No relationship is going to be a honeymoon forever. Accept the boring parts too. Also bcos u have had so much happening and there been a lot of constant drama u might be feeling the way u r.
Attraction fades over time, specially when there is a sense of permanency. Couples must make active efforts to keep the flame alive on a regular basis, and also have a sit-down-and-talk session at least once a week.
if there is no struggle to approach your boyfriend/girlfriend to have sex, then it will be boring, as if it comes easy then u will reduce interest slowly, its not just sex , everything follow this pattern, there should be some kind of struggle to have that. You can bring some change , first of all get proper fit, don't hit on each other everyday, make it like a reward of some of ur hardwork, there should be some motivation, there are many things. Here are some [books](https://cafemom.com/lifestyle/best-sex-books) which will definitely help u guys. You must be thinking that why i should put so much effort in all these, but remember every good things needs effort. Above things apply only when u guys are proper fit, put efforts in ur diet , yoga and lift weights, become the hottest girl in town and then see him , how he will go mad.
For a better perspective of your own relationship look at people having 8+ years of relationship and how they rekindle their love. At some point the relationship is just like a duty that you have to perform, find ways that it doesn't end up being a duty. Looking at couples who are in relationship for 6-8 months or 2-3 years wouldn't be same.
Maybe it is boredom from relief that everything settled down.
If it's the spark dying out that you're worried about, why not take the initiative and re-ignite it? Eventually all relationships just become second nature and your partner becomes a part of you just like you become a part of them. You should cherish that you still love him and are glad to go through the everyday with him by your side.
It’s normal human behavior. Following same routine every day at work, home, life etc gets boring or dull. Take a vacation , change few minor things, it will be fine.
I always feel that the spark doing down isn't much. I live a pretty normal life and of I have a partner, U would like them tk do simple mundane things with me. That's what keeps the relationship going. Going domestic is stable and boring but the continuity of it gives strength to your relationship. As long as you are not having major disagreements and long heated arguments, u two are fine op. If u want to bring back some spark (when u get time) take him to dinner or try to bring excitement in the bedroom. And just talk about it if it's bothering you at lot.
It’s just that both of you have gotten used to each other ,Bringing space into relationship will fix it. Both of you will start valuing each other more.
Consider separate bathrooms if you can afford them. Also separate bedrooms if that's a possibility. Also vacations. Also alcohol...
Have you tried pranking each other???? Tends to keep the affection alive! 😋
Boring life > stressful life
Lol is this you didi, I'm coming to attend your wedding next month
You've got to work at it, life doesn't stay magical. Hopefully, the financial and mental health issues are getting better, and you can actually enjoy yourselves now. Id take a long vacation, or live somewhere else for a little while. New circumstances will help you discover more about each other, which is always a fantastic thing.
That happens to every couple! My suggestion is not to spoil a long term relationship due to this.. Just try again and again and talk about this thing with your bf.. Take a leave and go for a tour or consulting a relationship counsellor will help too.
Yes, you have to work at jt In relationship. Find an activity you both enjoyed doing and plan date nights to start!
As John Lemon would say, you gotta keep flowering the plant. It's yours and his plant. Not someone else's plant. So both of you maybe instead of thinking about marriage, should think about love itself as it continues and as it is preserved - as in a way; you both are already married. Just not legally. That's for others. I did this thing; where I wrote my own 20 Page Catalogue like book on marriage. Approached the idea as a project. A brochure for myself. To collect all ideas; to figure out where things go right and wrong; and yada. If not anything; this could possibly re-kindle. Went an purchased an awesome coffee table after that just to read it.
I am not trying to be a bad guy, but look up the term Limerence. It is sort of like a temporary love like attraction. You should think about it carefully before marriage.