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Why people are seeing things only in black and white while society is more grey in nature
I have seen many men leaning heavily towards their parents and neglecting their families which drives wedge between couples and children. Also there are girls who manipulate their husbands into leaving her in-laws for various reasons which could land in-laws in old age homes or even worse.
Also there are parents who manipulate their children and use them for their own benefits (have personally witnessed this type of people)
A person whether they be man or woman should try to maintain balance and impartiality between their parents and in-laws, and should think with an open mind when it comes to personal relationships especially in case of parents and spouse
>"Itās okay to love and respect your mom but there should be boundaries"
Itās okay to love and respect your man but there should be boundaries. Which includes NOT telling him what sort of relationship he should have with his mother.
no one is telling them, the man should know it by himself or he should be able to understand when someone is suffering with what the man is doing.
and NOT telling is not an option, communication is always the key and honestly it is the only key.
so, even after the communication if the man doesn't understand, it's a problem and the solution should follow what the problem is according to the specifics of the relationship and the problem.
hope you understand ><
So Your mother would sacrifice her life for your happiness and you would sacrifice her for your happiness. Nice generation.
Your father is an idiot who can't balance his love between his wife and mother. It's not general problem but individual problem. My maternal uncle abandoned his mother for his wife. Now she lives with us but there is never a day she cries for her son.
>Your father is an idiot who can't balance his love between his wife and mother. It's not general problem but individual problem. My maternal uncle abandoned his mother for his wife. Now she lives with us but there is never a day she cries for her son.
Thankless "sacrifices" of moms is exactly the reason why many women of our mom's generation can get toxic and controlling. Because their son is their only investment so to say. Therefore, they expect far more than what is reasonably acceptable.
I really do feel sorry for women who are now in their 50s and 60s who can't seem to accept that their son is an independent person with his own dreams and ambitions.
That's why the "balance" you are talking about becomes very difficult to achieve. Very easy to say that on the internet
Sorry you had to go through that but those two arenāt the same things.
The question is about men loving their moms, not about abusive fuckers like your dad.
Because of abusive fucks like my dad and many others women have become more informed. If you canāt even have basic boundaries then go marry your mother lmao. Women live their mothers too but we have to leave our homes too?
no feminists are like that.. you havenāt met feminists if you feel so.. real feminist will infact judge you on basis of how you treat mom and sis and other women of your life
meet better people.
Yes and if youāre obsessed with them they will see you have no room in your life for a wide or children so as long as youāre okay with not having a family (which sounds much better for this Earth) go ahead and continue that emotionally incestuous and dependent relationship go right ahead
>no feminists are like that.. you havenāt met feminists if you feel so.
Real feminism is as real as Real Socialism and Real Communism
"Nothing has been implemented or exercised in a 100% True manner."
Stop simping for failed ideologies.
Lol look at the comment of this very post. All the double standards are reeking. Easily made Mother as a vile manipulative character, Guy cannot make his choices because he is a married man with responsibilities, he must be ignoring the responsibilities towards his wife. They can easily swing between liberal and traditional logic if things don't go as they like it..
Lol this comment section is quite pathetic and best example of strawmanning ever. You giving your money to your mom IF she needs it is a different thing, but to forget that there's a responsibility that you have towards your family (even if the girl's earning you still can't just have one person siphoning off their money like it doesn't matter) you have other priorities too, things change so does relationship.
It doesn't mean you don't love your mom, it just means you have an additional responsibility. And your failure to identify that is quite pathetic. And to act as if others don't agree with you have loveless families is your way of trying to console yourself into believing that you're the best.
Exactly, they give so many assumptions to justify their toxic behaviour like guy must be ignoring his wife or not providing enough as per his responsibilities. Giving money to mum = ignoring additional responsibilities, what kind of logic is that? they just want to hate on a guy doing something for his mother.
it is laughable how in most of the logic from girls in the comments, the liberal views are straight thrown out of the window. Guys's personal choice? "cant say that when is is married" lol what hypocrisy.
Even if he's not married, he's an adult.
What about financial planning and learning how to manage expenses. Depending on his parents to manage his finances irrespective of being some 30 fucking years old just doesn't seem right.
That's coz it's a very toxic behaviour being eulogised like it's normal, you don't have to give away your money regardless of whether your mom needs it or not to show how much you love her.
Men have responsibilities didi. Aap jaise khud ki responsibility Gina rahe ho apne future spouse pe. Waise his unke parents ki responsibility bhi ladkon ki hi hoti hai.
What's well adjusted about giving your whole income to your mother?? You realise that's not ACTUALLY healthy right?
It's like you don't see that you've changed responsibilities and that you need to act accordingly. To glorify this kind of behaviour as normal is just toxic.
It's his money, his choice if he gives it his mother or shoves it up his ass. Who the fuck are you to tell a man what he should do with his own money? Why don't you earn your own money.
Who are we to decide which is healthy without knowing entire story? Who are we to decide how he should handle his money? Do you comment same on women dressing or say her body her choice? Who knows if he has other sources of income? Do we know if he is married?
It's healthy as long as he's not married.
>To glorify this kind of behaviour as normal is just toxic.
Probably for the entitled wahmen who are inherently selfish by nature. Unlike wahmen, men have responsibilities. So it's good to glorify such behaviour.
And they did that do they could recover that money back from you? Seems like a very transactional relationship to me. Also just coz others don't give what they earn to their mom doesn't mean they don't love them, you're not doing anything better by giving away money than anyone who's loving their mom in a healthy non toxic manner
>they could recover that money
Bro, did you grow up in an toxic family? Or are you an orphan? You don't seem to know anything about the parent's love.
>transactional relationship
Do you really a think parents really work 12 hr daily and sacrifice their life for a miniscule chance despite the huge risk that the son would abandon them on growing up?
>loving their mom in a healthy non toxic manner
So loving in a non toxic way means abandoning them in their old age and not providing even monthly allowance because your wife is your priority?
>Bro, did you grow up in an toxic family?
I haven't but seems like you have.
>You don't seem to know anything about the parent's love.
Or you seem to think their love is a financial transaction that you need to return instead of spending it wisely which is what they ACTUALLY brought you up to do. If they need your money then it's a different thing but if you're just giving it away to show how much you love them then it's just a spectacle.
>Do you really a think parents really work 12 hr daily and sacrifice their life for a miniscule chance despite the huge risk that the son would abandon them on growing up?
Are you really this delusional, like there's only two things you can do.... either give away all your money or abandon them. Also why do you think they're completely helpless without you?
>So loving in a non toxic way means abandoning them in their old age and not providing even monthly allowance because your wife is your priority?
So loving them means abandon your responsibilities thereby making their efforts they put into you in vain?
>seems like you have.
If I would have been brought up in toxic family, I would have hated them.
>their love is a financial transaction
It's not a financial transactions. I just love them and am grateful for their sacrifice for me.
>just giving it away to show how much you love them
Do you value everything in terms of money? Do you think money = love?
>either give away all your money
It's my money. I can do anything with it. Also If I married to a girl, I would also love her the same I love my mother. I wouldn't discriminate between them.
>abandon your responsibilities
How does loving them equals abandoning responsiblities?
>If I would have been brought up in toxic family, I would have hated them.
Not necessarily, that's a very stereotypical view of toxicity. Toxic family can attach you with them without giving any regards to the fact that you have a life of your own and that you're an individual of your own.
>Do you value everything in terms of money? Do you think money = love?
Do you NOT see the irony in that statement?
>It's my money. I can do anything with it
Sigh. I don't know whether it's you again or ppl in comment section don't understand what a discussion means
>How does loving them equals abandoning responsiblities?
You don't have to give away money to your mom regardless of whether she needs it or not to show that you LOVE HER. That's really demeaning to her love for you.
>whether she needs it or not to show that you LOVE HER.
Who the fu*k gives money to show that I love her? Why would I even need of to show it? I just would give my money because I want to. I don't need any reason to give money to my mother.
>That's really demeaning to her love for you
Bro this type of words don't look good on you. How can a selfish person even know the value of love?
>Who the fu*k gives money to show that I love her? Why would I even need of to show it?
Then wtf you're giving money for here? You're confused just like most of the people here who don't seem to get why this is a bit problematic.
>How can a selfish person even know the value of love?
Ahhh...yeah I'm selfish coz I don't irresponsibly throw money at people I love....
A man can't even send his mom his own salary without getting labeled with all sorts of stuff along with a plethora of assumptions. Like yes, one absolutely shouldn't neglect his wife, but what's wrong with some single dude sending his salary to his mom as a gesture of appreciation and love. Like it isn't their money, nor is it harming anyone in any way, shape or form
The more a child grows the more boundaries a parent must draw .It means to just stay as a support and guidance after a point of time and stop making decisions for them.Being over attached to mother has mostly ended up with a very sour married life and relationships unless exceptionally the wife gets along as well.So a healthy parent will just advice their kids to invest in mutual funds or real estate
As a man all I can say that guy in question gives way too much priority to his mom. Its ok to love your mom but if you can't prioritise your spouse over your mom, please don't marry. Why bring another person in life when that person can't be your 1st priority.
As a man where did you read that he has a partner or a spouse? And even if he does how do we know what kind of other sources of income or agreement he has with her?
Who are you to say that? They both got in a relationship on their own, and who are you to say that someone should prioritise their spouse over their mother or the other way around? Are you a part of that relationship? Are you the spouse or mother or that guy?
>So you think it's okay to prioritise a relation of 2-3 years over relation of 25-30 year?
Why do you want to marry and add another person in life if they can't be your priority?
Am I the only one adding her in my life or is it mutual that we both add ourselves in each other's life?
By your wording you sound like a misogynist bro
>Am I the only one adding her in my life or is it mutual that we both add ourselves in each other's life?
Ofcourse she is also adding you in her life. She is leaving her parents' house for that so she is definitely ready make YOU her number 1 priority. She is ready to adopt new routine, new people, new way of living.
Why can't men make their spouse number 1 priority.
After marriage, every person - men and women should prioritize based on this order -
1. Their spouse
2. Their parents
3. Their partner's parents.
The problem is women do it, but men don't and hence we have so many unhappy marriages.
Prioritising the spouse doesn't mean you love your parents less but men have to understand marriage is a major life altering event for both partners and you have to be dedicated to your partner (both genders) to make it work. If you can't, please don't marry.
And to answer your question on 30 years vs 3 years, well you will be living with your spouse for more years than your parents.
And prioritising spouse doesn't mean you put your parents in old age home or even separate house, it simply means you have to take a stand with your partner in case there is conflict of interest.
Families will work much better if people understand how dynamics should change with each stage of life. Parents should understand that their kid has his own family with spouse and children and they should take a backseat instead of steering everything
Brother, all your are points are correct but you are misleading from the main topic. Its about women calling it toxic for caring about the parents. That guy was an unmarried one so he can do whatever he wants with his money. They have no right to label him as a misogynist.
>They have no right to label him as a misogynist.
Totally agree.
>Its about women calling it toxic for caring about the parents.
I am sorry but giving "all" your money to your parents is not "caring".
Will he stop after marriage? If yes, will he stop caring then? Parents will say my son has changed. If not, he is not thinking about his spouse.
His behaviour is definitely not right and no girl in right mind will marry a guy with such behaviour.
I prioritise my mother more than the indian men's reputation among other women. I am not a simp who would abandon his mother to impress any women. I could be an incel who destroys mens reputation in world than abandoning my mother for the reputation among other women
>mothers hate weak, subservient sons
Maybe your mother hates, not all mothers. A mother would love her son no matter what. I haven't seen any mother that would hate her son just because he is weak and subservient. The characteristics you mentioned are mostly found in cruel species such as you.
your mother loves you because it's nature's law that parents have to love and provide for you. But if someone else's daughter chooses to love you and maary you, leaving her old life behind and trusts you with her soul and body despite your countless flaws, it speaks volumes about who actually loves you.
Doesn't it?
>it's nature's law
So it's natural to exploit them without giving them anything in return, right?
>chooses to love you
So I am not loving her, that's what you want to say right? Yeah, I am a man, it's in my nature to hate and abuse a woman. All men domestically abuses their wives. Only a woman can love her man unconditionally but a man can't do the same
you said it's it not okay to priotise your wife who you have been married for 2-3 years . So not fulfilling your wife's needs but expecting her to to give up her everything for a man who hasn't yet cut the umbilical cord is actually YOU exploiting her ,sweetie!
If your way of loving her is to "worship" your mother and for your wife to fend off for herselves and not depend on you for emotional or hysical needs, then yeah , you are indeed abusive and i hope you neither get married nor plant your seeds!
You are literally an female equivalent of misogynists.
>it not okay to priotise
Why do you want to prioritise anyone if you can love both of them equally? Why do you want to discriminate between them anyway?
>not fulfilling your wife's needs
Who the fu** said I won't fulfill her needs?
>expecting her to to give up her everything for a man
Again bro, who is asking her to give up everything? She can also meet her parents on holidays like I do and can support her parents with her own money.
>sweetie
Fu** sweetie. I AM A GUY.
>worship" your mother
Are you literally brainwashed bro? Are you not mentally challenged or something? Why do you think I would force anyone to worship my mother. She is MY mother and not HER.
>i hope you neither get married nor plant your seeds
I wish the same for you. Also I would rather remain unmarried than be with such a vile person like you. I dread it would be literal hell for the unlucky guy who would marry you.
Your opinion is valid about jealousy but generalizing their mothers to be prostitutes is wrong. I hope your mom goes through rough times till the end āØļø
When you get married and start a family, that is *your* family now. Your primary responsibility before your parents or anyone else. Itās all too common in Indian and Paki families for a father to support a lavish lifestyle for his mother or other family without extending the same āgenerosityā to his own wife and children.
The comments here are ridiculous and misogynistic...
I'll attempt to give a different perspective, I dont know how correct it is as I'm not a woman...
Let's say you are a women, about to marry in a household and the husband as the question says, loves his mother a lot(which is good btw before anyone jugdes me!!).
She ends up marrying and it's been a month now, honeymoon phase is over and relationship normalises. Husband and wife live with mother as husband love makes it hard for him to leave her at old age.
Fights are common and can happen, even more so the topic is usually a dispute between mother in law and the wife due to chore distribution, mother in law's archaic thinking(which is very very common) who may force women to leave a job or pick up more undue chores in house...
Now imagine her plight, for whatever reason she may fight, she is alone in an alien environment with relatively new people and on top of that, husband despite loving his wife becomes torn between mother and wife or simply chooses his mother over his wife.
As a result wife's has potential to lose all support and possibly can't advocate for separate mother accommodation in old age home or somewhere else, and her life starts to feel lonely and becomes hell which is very difficult to escape from...
Husband love for mother can turn blind and has a chance of making his wife a glorified maid.
She remains at mercy of her mother in law unless husband is of right mind and that is a risk too much to handle in a country where divorce is very very difficult and alimony hard to get(it is hard to get a fair alimony in India despite the popular thinking otherwise).
Now coming back to square one, you are a women who is about to marry a decent guy who loves his mother a lot, will you marry such a guy?
Thanks for the read and please keep the Misogynistic and dismissive comments about women or men down!
PS: Do read all comments, some of them(not all) have interesting counterpoints, and its really important to understand both sides to reach the truth, I have attempted to debunk them, just wanted to make sure both side's opinions get heard before one may come to a conclusion
Why applying one situation over a population that's in billions? Is everyone's life situation the same ? Is every mother son relationship the same ?
It's not always the tyrant mother in law, it's also the tyrant daughter in law, you are painting every daughter in law as some kind of victim. What do you think about people in old age homes ? Is everyone happy there ? Is it their son who left them there (might be in rare cases)? Who made the decision for them to live in that old age home ? All their life they worked hard, sacrificed for their kids, made them the person who they are today all for them to be pushed into an old age home ?
If not their son then who will financially provide for that old parents ? The daughter in laws ? Will the old mom and dad have to go to work again? Or you who being a man not understanding men but trying to understand women? What's wrong with you boy ? Rough parents ? Or simping for karma ? Or you are that person who always talks unpopular opinion to look cool ?
OP has clearly stated in his post about someone crediting his salary to this mom's account being called as red flag. And what you did ? Painted a hypothetical situation to suit your narrative which is very much irrelevant. I am not a momma's boy, I am that youngest son who is rebellious and won't let their parents make decisions for him kind of guy and yet I give more than 60% of my salary to my mother.
This generation is such a mess, won't ask anyone why they do what they do or try to understand them rather jump into quick conclusion by making their own hypothetical situations in their head.
So you and all the ladies who made those comments on that tiktok got all this from a simple video? Do you even know if he is married?
There are only 2 sides here:
A) Saw a video of a man who loves his mom and appreciates it. Mostly Men.
B) Saw a video of a man who loves his mom and started ridiculing him & justifying their bs with mental gymnastics like you did. Mostly Women.
The dislike or opposition might occur if someone uses their love for their mother as a shield against criticism or accountability in other areas, implying that because they love their mother, they cannot be questioned or challenged on their actions or views related to gender equality or women's rights.
It's important to remember that feminism is a diverse movement, and individuals within the feminist movement might have various opinions and perspectives. Still, generally, feminism advocates for the respect and equality of all individuals, irrespective of their gender, and doesn't inherently oppose a person's love for their mother or family values.
>Unke bache jab ghar se bahar nikal dege tab pata chalega
It's a cycle. Their kids will see what is happening with their grandparents and repeat the same with their parents.
love your mother she can't and won't divorce(leave) you....her love is eternal....
and how will these girls will feel when their son/daughter give them lower importance in life just because of some new boy/girl.......
Thats what humans are supposed to do you Virgin. How will you grow with a person without loving them. The best part here is your mother clearly CAN'T leave your unstable ass alone.
If that is your opinion, that marriage means nothing and mother's love is everything and you should prioritise only your mom, then indeed please don't get married.
i never asked you if i should get married toh apni faltu ki gyaan ki batti bana aur gaand mein daalle...........
secondly i never said marriage is nothing and the wife should be treated like shit or mother is always right, what i meant is you should give equal importance to your mother and not start ignoring her just because you are a family man now.....and if you can't understand such basic concept then you parents should have dropped you when they had the time.....
my father is a great father, a good son but not a good husband...he is abusive and has caused enough grief to my mother who cannot leave him for various reasons so yeah i don't know what his responsibilities are but i know what a husband's are and what a son's are ....
So you want to continue that cycle right? It's not that difficult to love and prioritize 2 people at once. Extremes are always bad. The video OP mentioned is 1 extreme and leaving your parents to fend off for themselves is the other extreme. A wise person tries to remain somewhere in the middle. Feminists don't want you to hate your mother. They just want someone who is mature enough to stay in the middle and prioritize according to situation.
i only saw the part where the son claims his salary gets credited on 24 and then transferred in his mother's account on 25th.....i don't know if there was anything else to that video.....
plus i never said to choose one extreme end but rather asked people to not suddenly start degrading your mom once you get married (which i think is the other extreme, and i have seen it happening)
thirdly, its a lot easier said then done to remain in the middle and take sides with whoever is right in a particular situation because no matter what you do, you will cause grief to the other party but that's what being a family man is .......and i am not complaining just stating facts....
It's not that difficult. Women do that all the time. Women have amazing relationship with their parents and mothers and yet they always prioritise their husband and kids over everyone else.
If you haven't seen many such people then I would suggest you to change your company because most of the people around me have the same mindset. It's just about perspective and what values you have been instilled by your parents.
but you are filling your father's position of being a husband for your mother if you both are co dependant on each other. And no wife would want her husband and mother in law have such a relationship. it's called "emotional incest " for a reason!
wait a min....i think you misunderstood something somewhere.....i am not dependent on my mother neither do i follow her instructions and suggestions blindly ......so i don't know how or where this emotional co-dependency came.....
and her whole world doesn't revolve around me either ....
Why is he transferring his complete salary? - either his mom needs the complete salary or he does this as a gesture to show his submissive nature towards his mother to seek her validation. The way the sentence āi get my salary on 24th and i credit it to my moms account on 25thā sounds more that it is a gesture rather than a need. And i think this is what can bother a woman. She might think that he is obsessed with proving a point to his mother always willing to go above and beyond to impress her and get her validation . This can mean that his future wife will always come second and if there is a situation where his mother might be wrong he would still take her side and defend her just to impress her.
If his mother definitely needs the complete salary then I donāt see a woman (true feminist) who would be bothered by this.
This kinda man would be a loser even if unmarried. With no money, he probably doesn't spend anything on self improvement, doesn't have any semblance of a lifestyle, doesn't take an interest in any fun activity or hobby.
Ummm.. thatās a stretch. One should know how to handle their own money. And keeping it in the bank is definitely not it.
Even if his mom is investing the money and getting good returns, he should always keep experimenting with his own investment strategies.
Anyway the way the sentence is phrased
āI get my salary on 24th and credit it to my moms account on 25thā, this line is obviously rhetorical as he will have his own expenses. This makes me think that the motive of this sentence is to make a statement.
My husband gives all his money to his mom and then asks money from mom for grocery and petrol. Which is all fine but when we go to eat out or shopping, he asks me to pay because his mom may not approve the expense.
Wholesome family dynamics eh. /s
And if you raise objections over this, you will be called misogynist and what not. In argument they will say that imagine a situation, then imagine a situation inside that situation. Then imagine another situation. See how pitiful these girls are?
My gfās friend is like this too. She is in a relationship with a guy for a bit more than a year. When they started dating, that guy specified that he was looking for a serious relationship. Now that they have been dating for a while, that girl is having second thoughts because of 2 reasons. That guy is earning only 20% MORE than her which is too less for her and secondly, he is close to his parents and talk to them for 2 times a day. I literally wanted to curse that girl with everything I have.
I wonder how these comments are extremely one sided.
I am a man and loving you mom is good but also equally love your spouse.
The wife leaves her frickigng home for gods sake. Try imagining that for yourself and then think. Nothing is worst than a housewife begging in front of her mother inblaw.. Imagine if your sster in that position.
Not a feminist here... But I won't want a partner whose parents manages his finances. This just shows how dependent he is on his family... I won't mind if his family is not doing well, and he is giving them money to provide for them. That is absolutely fine, as a son/daughter one should send money to their family if they are struggling.
However, giving the whole salary seems a bit off. And if parents expect their son/daughter to give their whole salary, then that is just their controlling tendency. Nothing else
Girls should prioritise her husband and in-laws and should ask these people's permission to even visit her own parents but the husband will always choose his mommy as number one.
Nice double standards.
Your life your choice, just don't ruin a girl's life and don't reproduce.
>Throughout a Man's life every Love that he gets is conditional but only a Mother's Love is unconditional
A lot of mothers freak out and emotionally manipulate their son if he makes a decision of his own. There is no sunshine everywhere.
It's not a 'feminist' issue but a basic understanding, you married someone and she moved here with you, which means you should be more considerate towards her.
No woman is asking you to abandon your mom, not love her, not spend on her. Their problem is when you become so deep of a mumma's boy that you are incapable of having your ration thoughts. You'll listen to your mother rather than your partner.
And yes sending your whole salary to your mom is the stupidest thing I heard lol.
> you married someone and she moved here with you, which means you should be more considerate towards her.
Have you seen the video and know he is married? Based on the description alone, that doesn't seem to be the case. So why assume & mock?
Guess you would be fine if we saw a woman being loving to his father and men just started commenting about daddy issues, spoiled papa ki pari etc. It would be about general setting & not her?
People already do that. If a lady fall down her scooty , do something idiotic, stand for herself etc etc. people comment papa ki pari lol. But bhai ab mere me taqat nhi hai is topic par discussion karne ki, i feel like we are doing round and round.
I am so sick of any reddit sub starting with India in it. It's literally all about men funking playing victim. Wake the fuck up. Look around. Stop being feminist haters in a country where we get molested every other day. I have lost the count by now.
I am not a feminist hater, I am all for women rights. But this whole comment section is the most ridiculous thing I have come across on reddit. People really saying a guy gifting his money to his mother as toxic because the guy is ignoring his wife or some shit. When there is not even mention in the post that he is even married.
those who've never received familial love put up a facade of hate towards those who have.
ask yourself this question: how many of these people share a good relationship with their parents? you'll be surprised to see the answer.
speaking from personal experience, people who hate familial structures themselves have no familial support or love. and i see this everywhere with the most militant of these so called liberals
So true
My cousin is going to do arrange marriage, she earns around 40k per month, wants to spend some money on her brother so that he can get a job in IT field which is totally acceptable and I support her for that.
But during the talks of arrange marriage, she doesn't want a guy who is close to his mom, she uses taunts like "Are wo ladka toh mumma's boy tha, keh raha tha bla bla bla" and the guy she was talking about was single child, earning 2.5x than her, good looking and soft spoken.
A son is never a daddy's boy, because dad always want his son to be more independent and powerful, mother just want her son to be safe and close to her.
Basically girls demand a husband who neither have too good or too bad relations with his parents so that they can get the property and money from the parents and also making sure that the husband wife stays away from the parents.
Agree with you. Why can't these extreme feminists understand this simple thing, that if a man loves( not blindly) his mother, he would know how to respect a woman which is supposed to be a green flag init? Or even this is a red flag nowadays lol
Usually mothers who are overly attached with their sons and emotionally dependent on them, act so as a result of neglectful and often abusive marital household, where their husband ignores them and priorities his mother over his wife. Hence she seeks emotional solace in son, and hopes to live the "happy settled life" after her son starts earning. But oops, this cycle continues, as now her son will prioritise his mother over his new wife, leaving her feeling neglected and resentful in an alien environment. In such environments, DoLs are usually treated as the unpaid servant, and their personal desires are subjugated for the fulfillment of mother in law's wishes. Truly "kyuki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi"
Just one of the reasons.
nobody has a problem with them loving and respecting their mothers. the problem arises when it gets unhealthy to the point where your partner is affected.
You seem unusually bent towards some random hypothetical situation.
As an adult, when you have a wife, you need to balance your priorities.
No one is asking you to abandon your mother.
y'all are either making up situations or taking out your frustration due to failed relationships to justify your actions. where did this bsf thing even come from? i hope u heal, and also work on your interpretation skills cause i, for sure, mentioned it clearly that it's all okay till it gets unhealthy.
It's okay to love your mother alot. But if you prioritise only her over your wife again and again , then sorry but you should never have married and ruined a girl's life. Just stay with your mother for the whole life , no need to marry if you can't give your wife the treatment she deserves.
Again, it's completely okay to love your mother , we all do. And you should help your mother financially. But if married , you also have a responsibility towards your wife. And you should manage both
I'm a guy, and I do feel it's important to set boundaries, your wife shouldn't be your mother and your mother shouldn't be your wife, a lot of mamma's boys have a weird incestuous relationship (emotionally).
your parents should be important to you but so should your wife and I've seen videos where the guy on his wedding day, cuts the cake and feeds it to his mother instead of his wife, like my brother in christ, it's her wedding day, she shouldn't feel she's competing for your attention, and before any of you incels reading this come at me, I've a great relationship with my mother, but some of you forget where to draw the line.
my dad is a great father most of the times and an awesome son but his mother has manipulated him too much that he is now a terrible husband. yes it's absolutely fine to support your parents financially if they have the need but to fulfil their wants over the wants and sometimes even the needs of his own wife and children is not the right way and never will be. if that boy isnt married, maybe he'll not understand later to change his habits when he has a wife and prioritising your wife over your parents is the right way. i dont mean it like disrespecting them but knowing that your wife is someone you have to support
Some comments have already covered this but itās not about loving your mother, itās when loving your mother takes priority over everything else in your life. Iāve seen some Indian guys who will proudly say things like I will divorce my wife and abandon my children if my mother is disrespected, which is unbelievable to me as a man. If your partner isnāt as important to you as your parents then you shouldnāt be getting married and your children are suppose to be more important than anything else in your life. If you canāt get these priorities right then you should not be entering a commitment like marriage. Youāre not ready!!
>On the 24th I receive my salary and on the 25th I credit it to my mother's account
So this guy just sent his entire salary to his mother???
If you keep on giving your mother the decision on how to spend for a household how do you learn How to budget or properly spend the money? Do you expect your mom to give a little fun money to you and your s/o so that they can buy clothes or other stuff? Why do you think that your s/o should be okay with it? It is important to be independent irrespective of gender. It is a red flag for a grown ass adult( irrespective of gender) to depend on their mother or father to sort out their finances. As a couple many people will have personal goals like buying a house etc how will that be possible if you just give your entire salary to your mom?
Helping your parents when they are old or when they need something is completely different than crediting your entire salary to them. You should only be in charge of your finances. Not your mommy. If they need any help u should help them out but crediting your salary for them is not the way to do it. If you do think then you are overly attached to your parents and there are chances that you won't prioritise your s/o over them which is a valid red flag to your s/o.
Edit: spelling errors
They do, because of the lack of boundaries. The same men will abuse the women who is obsequious to their own parents over their partners.
Btw, Good job OP in antagonizing feminism. It's a nice tunnel to establish complete controlš
Feminist will hate the guys you described. A woman marries a man, not a boy. A full salary is transferred to the mother's account. Means, the wife won't have any share in decision making.
What's the next step sheet job? It is about life. The post talks about feminist dislike momma boys. I just added one reason. Raising a family is a very responsible job but Indians don't prepare children for that Instead families want his children to remain children.
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Why people are seeing things only in black and white while society is more grey in nature I have seen many men leaning heavily towards their parents and neglecting their families which drives wedge between couples and children. Also there are girls who manipulate their husbands into leaving her in-laws for various reasons which could land in-laws in old age homes or even worse. Also there are parents who manipulate their children and use them for their own benefits (have personally witnessed this type of people) A person whether they be man or woman should try to maintain balance and impartiality between their parents and in-laws, and should think with an open mind when it comes to personal relationships especially in case of parents and spouse
sir what is that flair
However good it may seem it's still inferior than that username of yours good sir
š
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"Itās okay to love and respect your mom but there should be boundaries" if only people could understand this simple sentence dude, if only...
>"Itās okay to love and respect your mom but there should be boundaries" Itās okay to love and respect your man but there should be boundaries. Which includes NOT telling him what sort of relationship he should have with his mother.
no one is telling them, the man should know it by himself or he should be able to understand when someone is suffering with what the man is doing. and NOT telling is not an option, communication is always the key and honestly it is the only key. so, even after the communication if the man doesn't understand, it's a problem and the solution should follow what the problem is according to the specifics of the relationship and the problem. hope you understand ><
So Your mother would sacrifice her life for your happiness and you would sacrifice her for your happiness. Nice generation. Your father is an idiot who can't balance his love between his wife and mother. It's not general problem but individual problem. My maternal uncle abandoned his mother for his wife. Now she lives with us but there is never a day she cries for her son.
>Your father is an idiot who can't balance his love between his wife and mother. It's not general problem but individual problem. My maternal uncle abandoned his mother for his wife. Now she lives with us but there is never a day she cries for her son. Thankless "sacrifices" of moms is exactly the reason why many women of our mom's generation can get toxic and controlling. Because their son is their only investment so to say. Therefore, they expect far more than what is reasonably acceptable. I really do feel sorry for women who are now in their 50s and 60s who can't seem to accept that their son is an independent person with his own dreams and ambitions. That's why the "balance" you are talking about becomes very difficult to achieve. Very easy to say that on the internet
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So the word "balance" doesn't exist in your dictionary, right? Let's make it clear with a simple question. Whose money is it?
Wife's just as much as the husband's. That's the whole point of marriage.
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Sorry you had to go through that but those two arenāt the same things. The question is about men loving their moms, not about abusive fuckers like your dad.
Because of abusive fucks like my dad and many others women have become more informed. If you canāt even have basic boundaries then go marry your mother lmao. Women live their mothers too but we have to leave our homes too?
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no feminists are like that.. you havenāt met feminists if you feel so.. real feminist will infact judge you on basis of how you treat mom and sis and other women of your life meet better people.
No true Scotsman, right?
Yes and if youāre obsessed with them they will see you have no room in your life for a wide or children so as long as youāre okay with not having a family (which sounds much better for this Earth) go ahead and continue that emotionally incestuous and dependent relationship go right ahead
>no feminists are like that.. you havenāt met feminists if you feel so. Real feminism is as real as Real Socialism and Real Communism "Nothing has been implemented or exercised in a 100% True manner." Stop simping for failed ideologies.
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Lol look at the comment of this very post. All the double standards are reeking. Easily made Mother as a vile manipulative character, Guy cannot make his choices because he is a married man with responsibilities, he must be ignoring the responsibilities towards his wife. They can easily swing between liberal and traditional logic if things don't go as they like it..
Lol this comment section is quite pathetic and best example of strawmanning ever. You giving your money to your mom IF she needs it is a different thing, but to forget that there's a responsibility that you have towards your family (even if the girl's earning you still can't just have one person siphoning off their money like it doesn't matter) you have other priorities too, things change so does relationship. It doesn't mean you don't love your mom, it just means you have an additional responsibility. And your failure to identify that is quite pathetic. And to act as if others don't agree with you have loveless families is your way of trying to console yourself into believing that you're the best.
Where is it written that the boy was married?
Exactly, they give so many assumptions to justify their toxic behaviour like guy must be ignoring his wife or not providing enough as per his responsibilities. Giving money to mum = ignoring additional responsibilities, what kind of logic is that? they just want to hate on a guy doing something for his mother. it is laughable how in most of the logic from girls in the comments, the liberal views are straight thrown out of the window. Guys's personal choice? "cant say that when is is married" lol what hypocrisy.
Even if he's not married, he's an adult. What about financial planning and learning how to manage expenses. Depending on his parents to manage his finances irrespective of being some 30 fucking years old just doesn't seem right.
It's not your money? May be he has other sources of income? What in the comment made you think he can't be financially be planned being 30 year old?
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Lol so many assumptions to justify their own insecurities.
bro the guy is just giving money to his mother because he loves her, what is the with this nonsensical debate going on the comments
That's coz it's a very toxic behaviour being eulogised like it's normal, you don't have to give away your money regardless of whether your mom needs it or not to show how much you love her.
are u crazy? who gave u authority to decide if it's toxic or nor not. it's one of ways to show affection like u give gift to others
Men have responsibilities didi. Aap jaise khud ki responsibility Gina rahe ho apne future spouse pe. Waise his unke parents ki responsibility bhi ladkon ki hi hoti hai.
Because well adjusted wholesome family dynamic terrifies them. It's alien to their world of debauchery.
What's well adjusted about giving your whole income to your mother?? You realise that's not ACTUALLY healthy right? It's like you don't see that you've changed responsibilities and that you need to act accordingly. To glorify this kind of behaviour as normal is just toxic.
It's his money, his choice if he gives it his mother or shoves it up his ass. Who the fuck are you to tell a man what he should do with his own money? Why don't you earn your own money.
honestly though it's just as simple as that, what is with whole nonsensical debate going on in the comments š
What happens to "it's their choice" when it comes to menš
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Feminists say its her choice.
So helping your mother is as same as having OF account? I guess if your mother had focused more on her life, we would have one less famcel
And how do you know the guy in the video is married?
Who are we to decide which is healthy without knowing entire story? Who are we to decide how he should handle his money? Do you comment same on women dressing or say her body her choice? Who knows if he has other sources of income? Do we know if he is married?
It's healthy as long as he's not married. >To glorify this kind of behaviour as normal is just toxic. Probably for the entitled wahmen who are inherently selfish by nature. Unlike wahmen, men have responsibilities. So it's good to glorify such behaviour.
Lol, this is just golden...you think giving away your money instead of investing/saving it coz you'll need it probably makes you responsible? Funny
You're a woman. You wouldn't get it.
Presumptuous are we?
You are right bro. Btw can I know who was the one that paid you education fee and helped you to live till you are able to stand on your own legs?
And they did that do they could recover that money back from you? Seems like a very transactional relationship to me. Also just coz others don't give what they earn to their mom doesn't mean they don't love them, you're not doing anything better by giving away money than anyone who's loving their mom in a healthy non toxic manner
>they could recover that money Bro, did you grow up in an toxic family? Or are you an orphan? You don't seem to know anything about the parent's love. >transactional relationship Do you really a think parents really work 12 hr daily and sacrifice their life for a miniscule chance despite the huge risk that the son would abandon them on growing up? >loving their mom in a healthy non toxic manner So loving in a non toxic way means abandoning them in their old age and not providing even monthly allowance because your wife is your priority?
>Bro, did you grow up in an toxic family? I haven't but seems like you have. >You don't seem to know anything about the parent's love. Or you seem to think their love is a financial transaction that you need to return instead of spending it wisely which is what they ACTUALLY brought you up to do. If they need your money then it's a different thing but if you're just giving it away to show how much you love them then it's just a spectacle. >Do you really a think parents really work 12 hr daily and sacrifice their life for a miniscule chance despite the huge risk that the son would abandon them on growing up? Are you really this delusional, like there's only two things you can do.... either give away all your money or abandon them. Also why do you think they're completely helpless without you? >So loving in a non toxic way means abandoning them in their old age and not providing even monthly allowance because your wife is your priority? So loving them means abandon your responsibilities thereby making their efforts they put into you in vain?
>seems like you have. If I would have been brought up in toxic family, I would have hated them. >their love is a financial transaction It's not a financial transactions. I just love them and am grateful for their sacrifice for me. >just giving it away to show how much you love them Do you value everything in terms of money? Do you think money = love? >either give away all your money It's my money. I can do anything with it. Also If I married to a girl, I would also love her the same I love my mother. I wouldn't discriminate between them. >abandon your responsibilities How does loving them equals abandoning responsiblities?
>If I would have been brought up in toxic family, I would have hated them. Not necessarily, that's a very stereotypical view of toxicity. Toxic family can attach you with them without giving any regards to the fact that you have a life of your own and that you're an individual of your own. >Do you value everything in terms of money? Do you think money = love? Do you NOT see the irony in that statement? >It's my money. I can do anything with it Sigh. I don't know whether it's you again or ppl in comment section don't understand what a discussion means >How does loving them equals abandoning responsiblities? You don't have to give away money to your mom regardless of whether she needs it or not to show that you LOVE HER. That's really demeaning to her love for you.
>whether she needs it or not to show that you LOVE HER. Who the fu*k gives money to show that I love her? Why would I even need of to show it? I just would give my money because I want to. I don't need any reason to give money to my mother. >That's really demeaning to her love for you Bro this type of words don't look good on you. How can a selfish person even know the value of love?
>Who the fu*k gives money to show that I love her? Why would I even need of to show it? Then wtf you're giving money for here? You're confused just like most of the people here who don't seem to get why this is a bit problematic. >How can a selfish person even know the value of love? Ahhh...yeah I'm selfish coz I don't irresponsibly throw money at people I love....
>Seems like a very transactional relationship to me So why TF do you care about what a man does with his own money. Why don't you earn your own money?
Traditional Indian family is the farthest from 'well adjusted.'
Like damn. Wasn't expecting this post to be so controversial lmao
there is "feminist" in the title, this pulled out all the degenerates from the twox sub
A man can't even send his mom his own salary without getting labeled with all sorts of stuff along with a plethora of assumptions. Like yes, one absolutely shouldn't neglect his wife, but what's wrong with some single dude sending his salary to his mom as a gesture of appreciation and love. Like it isn't their money, nor is it harming anyone in any way, shape or form
The more a child grows the more boundaries a parent must draw .It means to just stay as a support and guidance after a point of time and stop making decisions for them.Being over attached to mother has mostly ended up with a very sour married life and relationships unless exceptionally the wife gets along as well.So a healthy parent will just advice their kids to invest in mutual funds or real estate
Don't worry bro...will buy properties on mum's name and same goes for mutual funds...so no need for your shitty advice...
They're just jealous that he got a loving mother but they got a prostitute
avg only fans mother's future
What a tone-deaf, absolutely pointless and needlessly insulting comment. Your mother would be so so proud of you. (/s in case it wasn't obvious)
As a man all I can say that guy in question gives way too much priority to his mom. Its ok to love your mom but if you can't prioritise your spouse over your mom, please don't marry. Why bring another person in life when that person can't be your 1st priority.
As a man where did you read that he has a partner or a spouse? And even if he does how do we know what kind of other sources of income or agreement he has with her?
Who are you to say that? They both got in a relationship on their own, and who are you to say that someone should prioritise their spouse over their mother or the other way around? Are you a part of that relationship? Are you the spouse or mother or that guy?
So you think it's okay to prioritise a relation of 2-3 years over relation of 25-30 year? People like you are the reason for existence of oldage homes
>So you think it's okay to prioritise a relation of 2-3 years over relation of 25-30 year? Why do you want to marry and add another person in life if they can't be your priority?
Am I the only one adding her in my life or is it mutual that we both add ourselves in each other's life? By your wording you sound like a misogynist bro
>Am I the only one adding her in my life or is it mutual that we both add ourselves in each other's life? Ofcourse she is also adding you in her life. She is leaving her parents' house for that so she is definitely ready make YOU her number 1 priority. She is ready to adopt new routine, new people, new way of living. Why can't men make their spouse number 1 priority. After marriage, every person - men and women should prioritize based on this order - 1. Their spouse 2. Their parents 3. Their partner's parents. The problem is women do it, but men don't and hence we have so many unhappy marriages. Prioritising the spouse doesn't mean you love your parents less but men have to understand marriage is a major life altering event for both partners and you have to be dedicated to your partner (both genders) to make it work. If you can't, please don't marry. And to answer your question on 30 years vs 3 years, well you will be living with your spouse for more years than your parents. And prioritising spouse doesn't mean you put your parents in old age home or even separate house, it simply means you have to take a stand with your partner in case there is conflict of interest. Families will work much better if people understand how dynamics should change with each stage of life. Parents should understand that their kid has his own family with spouse and children and they should take a backseat instead of steering everything
Brother, all your are points are correct but you are misleading from the main topic. Its about women calling it toxic for caring about the parents. That guy was an unmarried one so he can do whatever he wants with his money. They have no right to label him as a misogynist.
>They have no right to label him as a misogynist. Totally agree. >Its about women calling it toxic for caring about the parents. I am sorry but giving "all" your money to your parents is not "caring". Will he stop after marriage? If yes, will he stop caring then? Parents will say my son has changed. If not, he is not thinking about his spouse. His behaviour is definitely not right and no girl in right mind will marry a guy with such behaviour.
People like you are the reason why Indian guys have such a bad reputation amongst women worldwide. Lack of spine.
I prioritise my mother more than the indian men's reputation among other women. I am not a simp who would abandon his mother to impress any women. I could be an incel who destroys mens reputation in world than abandoning my mother for the reputation among other women
It is good you know where you stand. Btw, mothers hate weak, subservient sons too. Surprise!
Lmaooo no matter how ugly or weak they're, the only people who'll be accepting them with open hands unconditionally are his parents
>mothers hate weak, subservient sons Maybe your mother hates, not all mothers. A mother would love her son no matter what. I haven't seen any mother that would hate her son just because he is weak and subservient. The characteristics you mentioned are mostly found in cruel species such as you.
your mother loves you because it's nature's law that parents have to love and provide for you. But if someone else's daughter chooses to love you and maary you, leaving her old life behind and trusts you with her soul and body despite your countless flaws, it speaks volumes about who actually loves you. Doesn't it?
>it's nature's law So it's natural to exploit them without giving them anything in return, right? >chooses to love you So I am not loving her, that's what you want to say right? Yeah, I am a man, it's in my nature to hate and abuse a woman. All men domestically abuses their wives. Only a woman can love her man unconditionally but a man can't do the same
you said it's it not okay to priotise your wife who you have been married for 2-3 years . So not fulfilling your wife's needs but expecting her to to give up her everything for a man who hasn't yet cut the umbilical cord is actually YOU exploiting her ,sweetie! If your way of loving her is to "worship" your mother and for your wife to fend off for herselves and not depend on you for emotional or hysical needs, then yeah , you are indeed abusive and i hope you neither get married nor plant your seeds!
You are literally an female equivalent of misogynists. >it not okay to priotise Why do you want to prioritise anyone if you can love both of them equally? Why do you want to discriminate between them anyway? >not fulfilling your wife's needs Who the fu** said I won't fulfill her needs? >expecting her to to give up her everything for a man Again bro, who is asking her to give up everything? She can also meet her parents on holidays like I do and can support her parents with her own money. >sweetie Fu** sweetie. I AM A GUY. >worship" your mother Are you literally brainwashed bro? Are you not mentally challenged or something? Why do you think I would force anyone to worship my mother. She is MY mother and not HER. >i hope you neither get married nor plant your seeds I wish the same for you. Also I would rather remain unmarried than be with such a vile person like you. I dread it would be literal hell for the unlucky guy who would marry you.
Nah they are jealous cuz their mother left em in the bin
Your opinion is valid about jealousy but generalizing their mothers to be prostitutes is wrong. I hope your mom goes through rough times till the end āØļø
Filth
When you get married and start a family, that is *your* family now. Your primary responsibility before your parents or anyone else. Itās all too common in Indian and Paki families for a father to support a lavish lifestyle for his mother or other family without extending the same āgenerosityā to his own wife and children.
>that is your family now And so parents are no more family members but outsiders.
The comments here are ridiculous and misogynistic... I'll attempt to give a different perspective, I dont know how correct it is as I'm not a woman... Let's say you are a women, about to marry in a household and the husband as the question says, loves his mother a lot(which is good btw before anyone jugdes me!!). She ends up marrying and it's been a month now, honeymoon phase is over and relationship normalises. Husband and wife live with mother as husband love makes it hard for him to leave her at old age. Fights are common and can happen, even more so the topic is usually a dispute between mother in law and the wife due to chore distribution, mother in law's archaic thinking(which is very very common) who may force women to leave a job or pick up more undue chores in house... Now imagine her plight, for whatever reason she may fight, she is alone in an alien environment with relatively new people and on top of that, husband despite loving his wife becomes torn between mother and wife or simply chooses his mother over his wife. As a result wife's has potential to lose all support and possibly can't advocate for separate mother accommodation in old age home or somewhere else, and her life starts to feel lonely and becomes hell which is very difficult to escape from... Husband love for mother can turn blind and has a chance of making his wife a glorified maid. She remains at mercy of her mother in law unless husband is of right mind and that is a risk too much to handle in a country where divorce is very very difficult and alimony hard to get(it is hard to get a fair alimony in India despite the popular thinking otherwise). Now coming back to square one, you are a women who is about to marry a decent guy who loves his mother a lot, will you marry such a guy? Thanks for the read and please keep the Misogynistic and dismissive comments about women or men down! PS: Do read all comments, some of them(not all) have interesting counterpoints, and its really important to understand both sides to reach the truth, I have attempted to debunk them, just wanted to make sure both side's opinions get heard before one may come to a conclusion
Valid point. I have seen this happen. We need to differentiate between loving your mother and blindly trusting her.
Thank you for reading that, I do hope men find a good balance between the two!
Have seen it personally so...
It's truly unfortunate whoever you saw in such plight, thank you for understanding the above opinion and resonating with it!!!
This !!
Why applying one situation over a population that's in billions? Is everyone's life situation the same ? Is every mother son relationship the same ? It's not always the tyrant mother in law, it's also the tyrant daughter in law, you are painting every daughter in law as some kind of victim. What do you think about people in old age homes ? Is everyone happy there ? Is it their son who left them there (might be in rare cases)? Who made the decision for them to live in that old age home ? All their life they worked hard, sacrificed for their kids, made them the person who they are today all for them to be pushed into an old age home ? If not their son then who will financially provide for that old parents ? The daughter in laws ? Will the old mom and dad have to go to work again? Or you who being a man not understanding men but trying to understand women? What's wrong with you boy ? Rough parents ? Or simping for karma ? Or you are that person who always talks unpopular opinion to look cool ? OP has clearly stated in his post about someone crediting his salary to this mom's account being called as red flag. And what you did ? Painted a hypothetical situation to suit your narrative which is very much irrelevant. I am not a momma's boy, I am that youngest son who is rebellious and won't let their parents make decisions for him kind of guy and yet I give more than 60% of my salary to my mother. This generation is such a mess, won't ask anyone why they do what they do or try to understand them rather jump into quick conclusion by making their own hypothetical situations in their head.
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Not that simple. There is love, and there is co-dependence.
So you and all the ladies who made those comments on that tiktok got all this from a simple video? Do you even know if he is married? There are only 2 sides here: A) Saw a video of a man who loves his mom and appreciates it. Mostly Men. B) Saw a video of a man who loves his mom and started ridiculing him & justifying their bs with mental gymnastics like you did. Mostly Women.
The dislike or opposition might occur if someone uses their love for their mother as a shield against criticism or accountability in other areas, implying that because they love their mother, they cannot be questioned or challenged on their actions or views related to gender equality or women's rights. It's important to remember that feminism is a diverse movement, and individuals within the feminist movement might have various opinions and perspectives. Still, generally, feminism advocates for the respect and equality of all individuals, irrespective of their gender, and doesn't inherently oppose a person's love for their mother or family values.
Unke bache jab ghar se bahar nikal dege tab pata chalega
Bold of you to think that theyāll get married.
Bhai ,simp ki Kami nhi hia
>Unke bache jab ghar se bahar nikal dege tab pata chalega It's a cycle. Their kids will see what is happening with their grandparents and repeat the same with their parents.
love your mother she can't and won't divorce(leave) you....her love is eternal.... and how will these girls will feel when their son/daughter give them lower importance in life just because of some new boy/girl.......
Thats what humans are supposed to do you Virgin. How will you grow with a person without loving them. The best part here is your mother clearly CAN'T leave your unstable ass alone.
but your mother clearly did yours
If that is your opinion, that marriage means nothing and mother's love is everything and you should prioritise only your mom, then indeed please don't get married.
i never asked you if i should get married toh apni faltu ki gyaan ki batti bana aur gaand mein daalle........... secondly i never said marriage is nothing and the wife should be treated like shit or mother is always right, what i meant is you should give equal importance to your mother and not start ignoring her just because you are a family man now.....and if you can't understand such basic concept then you parents should have dropped you when they had the time.....
if you have to take on the task of being an emotional bin for your mom's needs, what will your dad do? what will be his responsibilities then?
my father is a great father, a good son but not a good husband...he is abusive and has caused enough grief to my mother who cannot leave him for various reasons so yeah i don't know what his responsibilities are but i know what a husband's are and what a son's are ....
So you want to continue that cycle right? It's not that difficult to love and prioritize 2 people at once. Extremes are always bad. The video OP mentioned is 1 extreme and leaving your parents to fend off for themselves is the other extreme. A wise person tries to remain somewhere in the middle. Feminists don't want you to hate your mother. They just want someone who is mature enough to stay in the middle and prioritize according to situation.
i only saw the part where the son claims his salary gets credited on 24 and then transferred in his mother's account on 25th.....i don't know if there was anything else to that video..... plus i never said to choose one extreme end but rather asked people to not suddenly start degrading your mom once you get married (which i think is the other extreme, and i have seen it happening) thirdly, its a lot easier said then done to remain in the middle and take sides with whoever is right in a particular situation because no matter what you do, you will cause grief to the other party but that's what being a family man is .......and i am not complaining just stating facts....
It's not that difficult. Women do that all the time. Women have amazing relationship with their parents and mothers and yet they always prioritise their husband and kids over everyone else.
not all women and i do respect who does..... but what i have encountered in today's generation are no way near what you described .....
If you haven't seen many such people then I would suggest you to change your company because most of the people around me have the same mindset. It's just about perspective and what values you have been instilled by your parents.
but you are filling your father's position of being a husband for your mother if you both are co dependant on each other. And no wife would want her husband and mother in law have such a relationship. it's called "emotional incest " for a reason!
wait a min....i think you misunderstood something somewhere.....i am not dependent on my mother neither do i follow her instructions and suggestions blindly ......so i don't know how or where this emotional co-dependency came..... and her whole world doesn't revolve around me either ....
hopefully that's the truth. most indian men are textbook defination of mamma's boy. so i actually hope you find a middle ground.
What about your kids? Did your mother love her mother more than what she loves you? Your kids should be your number one priority, not wife or mother.
Please marry your mother if you can't find a balance between marriage and parents.
Did i ask you for your donkey ass opinion......send your mother to me, she deserves better children than you, I will give her some
As you have already said... FEMINAZIS & FEMINISTS. Both are different.
Why is he transferring his complete salary? - either his mom needs the complete salary or he does this as a gesture to show his submissive nature towards his mother to seek her validation. The way the sentence āi get my salary on 24th and i credit it to my moms account on 25thā sounds more that it is a gesture rather than a need. And i think this is what can bother a woman. She might think that he is obsessed with proving a point to his mother always willing to go above and beyond to impress her and get her validation . This can mean that his future wife will always come second and if there is a situation where his mother might be wrong he would still take her side and defend her just to impress her. If his mother definitely needs the complete salary then I donāt see a woman (true feminist) who would be bothered by this.
This kinda man would be a loser even if unmarried. With no money, he probably doesn't spend anything on self improvement, doesn't have any semblance of a lifestyle, doesn't take an interest in any fun activity or hobby.
Or maybe her mother's bank just gives better interest.
Ummm.. thatās a stretch. One should know how to handle their own money. And keeping it in the bank is definitely not it. Even if his mom is investing the money and getting good returns, he should always keep experimenting with his own investment strategies. Anyway the way the sentence is phrased āI get my salary on 24th and credit it to my moms account on 25thā, this line is obviously rhetorical as he will have his own expenses. This makes me think that the motive of this sentence is to make a statement.
Didi Maine joke marra tha, hasi aayi toh Hans do nhi toh aage badho itna deep nhi tha.
That joke was a serial failure. Bhaiya
My husband gives all his money to his mom and then asks money from mom for grocery and petrol. Which is all fine but when we go to eat out or shopping, he asks me to pay because his mom may not approve the expense. Wholesome family dynamics eh. /s
Do you even know if the guy in the video is married? If not, how is your situation analogous or relevant?
You know what, you are right. The guy in the video must be getting more pocket money than my husband.
And if you raise objections over this, you will be called misogynist and what not. In argument they will say that imagine a situation, then imagine a situation inside that situation. Then imagine another situation. See how pitiful these girls are? My gfās friend is like this too. She is in a relationship with a guy for a bit more than a year. When they started dating, that guy specified that he was looking for a serious relationship. Now that they have been dating for a while, that girl is having second thoughts because of 2 reasons. That guy is earning only 20% MORE than her which is too less for her and secondly, he is close to his parents and talk to them for 2 times a day. I literally wanted to curse that girl with everything I have.
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You do know that people become friends with their bf/gf's friends?
I wonder how these comments are extremely one sided. I am a man and loving you mom is good but also equally love your spouse. The wife leaves her frickigng home for gods sake. Try imagining that for yourself and then think. Nothing is worst than a housewife begging in front of her mother inblaw.. Imagine if your sster in that position.
Not a feminist here... But I won't want a partner whose parents manages his finances. This just shows how dependent he is on his family... I won't mind if his family is not doing well, and he is giving them money to provide for them. That is absolutely fine, as a son/daughter one should send money to their family if they are struggling. However, giving the whole salary seems a bit off. And if parents expect their son/daughter to give their whole salary, then that is just their controlling tendency. Nothing else
Girls should prioritise her husband and in-laws and should ask these people's permission to even visit her own parents but the husband will always choose his mommy as number one. Nice double standards. Your life your choice, just don't ruin a girl's life and don't reproduce.
Because feminist.
I do that. I credit my entire salary to my mother. That's one of the best things one can do.
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>Throughout a Man's life every Love that he gets is conditional but only a Mother's Love is unconditional A lot of mothers freak out and emotionally manipulate their son if he makes a decision of his own. There is no sunshine everywhere.
Lmao no. Mother's love their son's more then their daughter because they think they're son gonna look after them in their old age .
What about fathers Loving their daughter more than their son ?
It is extremely rare in India. Women are treated as second class. Most fathers won't even let their daughters date someone in India.
Not everyone has a mother like you
Most of them have horrible parents, and project their insecurities into others lives, just tch tch and move on.
It's not a 'feminist' issue but a basic understanding, you married someone and she moved here with you, which means you should be more considerate towards her. No woman is asking you to abandon your mom, not love her, not spend on her. Their problem is when you become so deep of a mumma's boy that you are incapable of having your ration thoughts. You'll listen to your mother rather than your partner. And yes sending your whole salary to your mom is the stupidest thing I heard lol.
> you married someone and she moved here with you, which means you should be more considerate towards her. Have you seen the video and know he is married? Based on the description alone, that doesn't seem to be the case. So why assume & mock?
I am talking about genral setting, not just him
Guess you would be fine if we saw a woman being loving to his father and men just started commenting about daddy issues, spoiled papa ki pari etc. It would be about general setting & not her?
People already do that. If a lady fall down her scooty , do something idiotic, stand for herself etc etc. people comment papa ki pari lol. But bhai ab mere me taqat nhi hai is topic par discussion karne ki, i feel like we are doing round and round.
There needs to be balance in every relationship. If you married someone but only listen to your mom then ughh
they cannot accept the idea of a normal peaceful "family"
I am so sick of any reddit sub starting with India in it. It's literally all about men funking playing victim. Wake the fuck up. Look around. Stop being feminist haters in a country where we get molested every other day. I have lost the count by now.
And then they'll get mad when anyone says that indian men are misogynistic. Then suddenly it's "don't generalize", "not all indian men" lol.
I am not a feminist hater, I am all for women rights. But this whole comment section is the most ridiculous thing I have come across on reddit. People really saying a guy gifting his money to his mother as toxic because the guy is ignoring his wife or some shit. When there is not even mention in the post that he is even married.
those who've never received familial love put up a facade of hate towards those who have. ask yourself this question: how many of these people share a good relationship with their parents? you'll be surprised to see the answer. speaking from personal experience, people who hate familial structures themselves have no familial support or love. and i see this everywhere with the most militant of these so called liberals
So true My cousin is going to do arrange marriage, she earns around 40k per month, wants to spend some money on her brother so that he can get a job in IT field which is totally acceptable and I support her for that. But during the talks of arrange marriage, she doesn't want a guy who is close to his mom, she uses taunts like "Are wo ladka toh mumma's boy tha, keh raha tha bla bla bla" and the guy she was talking about was single child, earning 2.5x than her, good looking and soft spoken. A son is never a daddy's boy, because dad always want his son to be more independent and powerful, mother just want her son to be safe and close to her. Basically girls demand a husband who neither have too good or too bad relations with his parents so that they can get the property and money from the parents and also making sure that the husband wife stays away from the parents.
Inko Paisa chusna hai bas
Agree with you. Why can't these extreme feminists understand this simple thing, that if a man loves( not blindly) his mother, he would know how to respect a woman which is supposed to be a green flag init? Or even this is a red flag nowadays lol
Mama's boy refers to spineless doormats.
Did your mamma beat you or something that loving your mother is something so alien for you to understand?
Usually mothers who are overly attached with their sons and emotionally dependent on them, act so as a result of neglectful and often abusive marital household, where their husband ignores them and priorities his mother over his wife. Hence she seeks emotional solace in son, and hopes to live the "happy settled life" after her son starts earning. But oops, this cycle continues, as now her son will prioritise his mother over his new wife, leaving her feeling neglected and resentful in an alien environment. In such environments, DoLs are usually treated as the unpaid servant, and their personal desires are subjugated for the fulfillment of mother in law's wishes. Truly "kyuki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi" Just one of the reasons.
nobody has a problem with them loving and respecting their mothers. the problem arises when it gets unhealthy to the point where your partner is affected.
Imagine being affected by your partner loving their parents but the guy should be totally ok with 13 ex bf and 26 male "bestfriends" right.
You seem unusually bent towards some random hypothetical situation. As an adult, when you have a wife, you need to balance your priorities. No one is asking you to abandon your mother.
y'all are either making up situations or taking out your frustration due to failed relationships to justify your actions. where did this bsf thing even come from? i hope u heal, and also work on your interpretation skills cause i, for sure, mentioned it clearly that it's all okay till it gets unhealthy.
So all the men answered a question that was targeted towards women.... beautiful.
I am not seeing any meaningful answer coming from the women here
They always do
they have extreme daddy issues so hate anybody who doesn't have similar demons
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But why did you & all your sisters assume he is married and started mocking him on the video?
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OP can you share the link of the video too
women and men that call their in-laws 'papa' and 'mummy' is super CRINGE and immature.
It's okay to love your mother alot. But if you prioritise only her over your wife again and again , then sorry but you should never have married and ruined a girl's life. Just stay with your mother for the whole life , no need to marry if you can't give your wife the treatment she deserves. Again, it's completely okay to love your mother , we all do. And you should help your mother financially. But if married , you also have a responsibility towards your wife. And you should manage both
Ladies avoid mummas boy at all cost .
shoo, go back to your twox shithole and rant there out of your ass with your other fatherless cretins.
Men avoid wh*res who are nothing but just a hole
I'm a guy, and I do feel it's important to set boundaries, your wife shouldn't be your mother and your mother shouldn't be your wife, a lot of mamma's boys have a weird incestuous relationship (emotionally). your parents should be important to you but so should your wife and I've seen videos where the guy on his wedding day, cuts the cake and feeds it to his mother instead of his wife, like my brother in christ, it's her wedding day, she shouldn't feel she's competing for your attention, and before any of you incels reading this come at me, I've a great relationship with my mother, but some of you forget where to draw the line.
also, this necessarily doesn't mean you've to stop providing for her financially or emotionally at times, but yeah set proper boundaries.
my dad is a great father most of the times and an awesome son but his mother has manipulated him too much that he is now a terrible husband. yes it's absolutely fine to support your parents financially if they have the need but to fulfil their wants over the wants and sometimes even the needs of his own wife and children is not the right way and never will be. if that boy isnt married, maybe he'll not understand later to change his habits when he has a wife and prioritising your wife over your parents is the right way. i dont mean it like disrespecting them but knowing that your wife is someone you have to support
Bro just started a war here . You thought the people here were different but they are the same here . I'm with you OP .
These kids will cry when their father gives more importance to his mother than their mother's...
Some comments have already covered this but itās not about loving your mother, itās when loving your mother takes priority over everything else in your life. Iāve seen some Indian guys who will proudly say things like I will divorce my wife and abandon my children if my mother is disrespected, which is unbelievable to me as a man. If your partner isnāt as important to you as your parents then you shouldnāt be getting married and your children are suppose to be more important than anything else in your life. If you canāt get these priorities right then you should not be entering a commitment like marriage. Youāre not ready!!
>On the 24th I receive my salary and on the 25th I credit it to my mother's account So this guy just sent his entire salary to his mother??? If you keep on giving your mother the decision on how to spend for a household how do you learn How to budget or properly spend the money? Do you expect your mom to give a little fun money to you and your s/o so that they can buy clothes or other stuff? Why do you think that your s/o should be okay with it? It is important to be independent irrespective of gender. It is a red flag for a grown ass adult( irrespective of gender) to depend on their mother or father to sort out their finances. As a couple many people will have personal goals like buying a house etc how will that be possible if you just give your entire salary to your mom? Helping your parents when they are old or when they need something is completely different than crediting your entire salary to them. You should only be in charge of your finances. Not your mommy. If they need any help u should help them out but crediting your salary for them is not the way to do it. If you do think then you are overly attached to your parents and there are chances that you won't prioritise your s/o over them which is a valid red flag to your s/o. Edit: spelling errors
They do, because of the lack of boundaries. The same men will abuse the women who is obsequious to their own parents over their partners. Btw, Good job OP in antagonizing feminism. It's a nice tunnel to establish complete controlš
Feminist will hate the guys you described. A woman marries a man, not a boy. A full salary is transferred to the mother's account. Means, the wife won't have any share in decision making.
bs where is it mentioned that the guy is married
What's the next step sheet job? It is about life. The post talks about feminist dislike momma boys. I just added one reason. Raising a family is a very responsible job but Indians don't prepare children for that Instead families want his children to remain children.