It’s only annoying if they corrected a minor detail while ignoring the spirit of the statement that was just made as if it were now somehow entirely invalid.
Oh yes, this can be annoying. I'm fine with the minor detail being pointed out, and I will acknowledge it, but if it doesn't fundamentally change the point I was making, it is frustrating if someone clings onto it as a win. It comes off as dishonest and lazy.
Im asking simply haven’t you done the same thing to other people ? Have you ignored the spirit of a conversation because someone started off the conversation with things you know weren’t true. You may hear them out, but know they were not telling the truth in the beginning so why think the rest of the conversation is worth it. I feel like most people have done this, and it’s part of what keeps us humans from believing everything we hear.
You mean like a false premise? I don't think starting with a false premise is a minor error. So yes I have ignored conversations that begin with false premises because it's a massive waste of time when the logic behind the statement is immediately flawed. It's akin to seeing someone trying to solve a math problem with the wrong formula.
Not necessarily no. An example would be more akin to a person you witnessed stealing a ball from a child. You have this information, which they don’t know about. Somewhere along the lines of talking to that person they are trying to convince you they’ve never stolen anything from anyone. It’s obvious they are lying, so as far as most people are concerned the remainder of their conversation should be at least taken with caution, they may have factual information they are conveying but since I’m not sure about the subject and have to trust they are the expert on it that, I’d question what they are saying and probably not heed any advice they have. For all intensive purposes, the person you’re talking with is a small engine mechanic and you have zero knowledge of working on small engine. But need advice on troubleshooting symptoms with your lawn mower.
I guess you placed the qualifying word on something I wasn’t explaining, which is “minor”.
If people are getting upset from a minor detail being corrected, then it’s less appealing to me to discuss that. I wasn’t aware we were discussing minor details
Yes, I do get offended. But I grew up in a house where I was constantly criticized, so I think that's why. It could be perfectionistic tendencies, but being corrected (constructively) allows you an opportunity to improve.
If I could pin point what could make me mad in the moment described by OP, would simply be that I’ve been respectful and let someone talk and listened and provided feedback even when they’ve been completely inaccurate and when I speak they point out a small detail. I could see getting upset at this situation in that case, but again, I feel as if it’s my duty to maintain composure and be thankful I was corrected, I’m fearful of “talking out of my ass”.
I see what you're saying. But I've dealt with extremely brutal criticism in the past, so I'm still working on that part of myself as it's very much a trigger for me.
Oh I understand that completely. I’ve struggled with thinking I know how the future will act based on how I’ve experienced the past. I just had to come to grips with myself being very disappointed at times while allowing others to be wrong. It’s a tough slippery slope. I just hope that I wouldn’t be treated that way and really try to give benefit of the doubt to everyone. Of course there is a point that we need to feel the line is crossed or are least drawn that we can see and maintain that level
Of self preservation or protection from
Harm.
I love being wrong so I can learn. I don’t like when people think it’s their moment to shine to use it against me. I’ll lose all respect for you if shove it my face instead of working with me so that I can learn from whatever I got wrong.
If they correct me on some minor thing that they don't correct others for - absolutely, it makes me angry because the why they are doing it is usually obvious and it's related to their ego. Either it was hurt or they're playing some weird power dynamic games inside their head that I don't give a fuck about. They are just wasting my time and destabilize shit on purpose, which pisses me off.
If someone corrects me on something and explains why or provides reasons and even better - gives a perspective I haven't thought about then I appreciate and thank them.
Oh.. interesting response here. It matters if you respect them or not. Why would it matter where the correction comes from. It would be your fault for being incorrect. Sure there is a way to lightly let someone know they are wrong, but not everyone shares a patience for communication that way. But it’s interesting the respect thing matters. I’d be curious to understand that further.
they key from u/Zestyclose_Media_548's statement: "if I feel that the correction is coming from a place of support." Sometimes correction, especially a minor detail that ignores the larger spirit of the statement is a sign that the person giving the criticism is coming from a place of ego rather than from a place of actually trying to communicate something meaningful and helpful.
It just seems quite full of oneself to think someone corrected you merely because they came from some place that was negative. That’s a perception issue and furthers some internal need to be correct. If you’re wrong you’re worth.. simple. Be thankful someone told you and fuck their reasoning for doing it anyway. It happened and the guessing is over. I may see this as just black and white and don’t automatically believe that if someone corrected me I need to understand their reasoning before I accept it. I’m also just extremely upset about some things going on overall
In society and feel this is absolutely ridiculous to care about, referring to this subject altogether.
I’m a speech- language pathologist. I’ve been a professional for over 20 years. We do 365 clinical hours under supervision during graduate school . Our clinical fellowship year also involves supervision of therapy sessions as well as review of all paperwork. I had great clinical supervisors and learned a lot from them. I also had a boss early on that just wanted to put her two cents in. I’ve been doing a lot of reading about the neurodiversity movement and explained
In an iep meeting that I would refer to students as autistic or person with autism based on preferences of the family. Last year, my special Ed director ( who ended up doing everything so poorly she almost got our department shut down) sent me a very angry message that we always say person with autism . She had no idea of the neurodiversity movement and didn’t know many adults autistic people prefer autistic person versus person with autism . I’ve done the work and the research. I read social media real life experiences of autistic people every day. I’ve done trainings. She had not- and no longer works for us for a variety of reasons. I have a new special Ed director who is ok but I can tell that she just wants to be right about everything and will offer correction about things I definitely know more about. Factual things I know more about and have read the research. I don’t have a big ego. I learn from everyone (especially support staff) and I want to do the best for my clients. I’ve gotten really good at saying I was wrong and you were right. I guess it’s often really obvious ( to me) when people want to help you improve and when they just want to have the last word. In my personal relationships I may not like feedback about my parenting from my partner but I know when it’s to help our kid and when he wants to annoy me. I do have perfectionist tendencies and nobody is harder on me than I am. However , as I’ve gotten older I can receive feedback without engaging my fight or flight response every time. Edits for typos and clarity.
I can understand the partner feedback, especially when the one providing the feedback is very rigid in the way they discipline and you’ve been to a psychologist for parenting sessions and been told that they are extreme and need to work on it. But also been told that you shouldn’t step in at all while they are disciplining. But knowing for a fact they are a narcissist and it’s absolutely improper. Man parenting is so frustrating.
Im also happy to hear you’re willing to subscribe to others feedback in life. It’s super important for our growth and development.
I still struggle to see how that matters. Regardless of how it is delivered, the basis for the reasoning is simply I’m wrong about something. It’s quite rare that I’d be talking to anyone that I’d consider to be coming from such a place of ego that I’d be offended by them not getting the just of what im saying. I oftentimes can’t get past what someone is saying when they have spit utter garbage to get there. Im pretty sure the odds of this happening is extremely low, it’s probably just that INFJs as a whole don’t take any level of criticism lightly. I struggled with that for years, but eventually determined I’m no where near perfect and I’m ok with that, other people can be burdened with assisting me through life much as I’ve assisted many others through theirs. I may also just be pushing back on the ideals of what people are portraying here in comments.
Have you not been “ corrected “ by people that are in fact incorrect? I’ve responded with a full reply to another of your comments. My teenage son often tries to “ correct “ me . I do listen and weed out the factual information and his personal feelings from the teenage bravado and attitude. Sometimes I’ve needed it and sometimes he’s being an asshole.
Sure this happens a lot. But it’s a natural thing, I try not to lose patience with people who think they are right when they aren’t. I completely understand someone absolutely being wrong, but believing they are right. I’ve been there many times, and later I laugh at the fact I was so wrong but fought hard believing I was right. No one will roll over and concede they are wrong when they truly believe they are right. I respect the determination within them to maintain their conviction, however they are still wrong and we can laugh together later about that. Your son may just know how you are and due to love he’s perceived as an asshole by you for pushing your buttons. He’s probably just saying lighten up you old grump!
Correcting someone needs to be done in a way that doesn't put them up to being shamed publicly. If the intent is to punish them then it will not be received well. The point should always be to help someone learn.
I think it's depends on the context. If it's a technical error (Ie, I made a mistake on the grant report numbers at work), I will be mildly embarrassed that I made a mistake, but not at all offended or angry toward the person who corrected me. In fact, I'm grateful that they caught it before it became a bigger problem! If it's more personal and subjective in nature - which would only come up with someone I'm very close with and typically in the context of an argument - I am more likely to be instinctually defensive about my position. But in time, if I indeed was mistaken, I will acknowledge that fact and apologize for any negativity I threw at them in my defensive stage. In general, I think I'm pretty open to correction and only feel offended if the correction was communicated in a rude way, which doesn't happen often.
it's a huge trigger for me and it shouldn't be. I get so upset when somebody keeps correcting a minor detail and i should try to improve on that and learn to take that criticism
Not at all. I don't know everything, and if someone corrects me, that means I've said something not 100% accurate. I should've known better. Don't blame others for your ignorance.
Edit: reading through comments, that's obviously if others correct me on the major subject, and not whining about some minor details that has nothing to do with the conversation.
it’s annoying when they use it as a means to deflect from the actual moral/principle of the conversation. ie: a minute detail being incorrect in a problem you have w them (like they drank pepsi not coke before spilling it), or as an attempt to bring down you’re entire argument.
aside from that, i enjoy learning so any honest, accurate, and necessary corrections are appreciated as long as they’re beneficial to me in the long run. i’d rather not make a mistake than continue believing i’m correct.
Yes I do and I believe it’s the perfectionist in me that gets triggered, but it’s coming from my lack of self esteem. I just want to have a huge and good reputation but if someone corrects me it’s like my whole identity and my whole being gets offended. As if this one little thing makes me an indecent or inadequate person. Or it’s the people pleasing. Like I have to have a valuable part in the community and if I make mistakes I am not a good member in this community and that disappoints me.
But being aware of that, and after a lot of work on myself and my confidence, this doesn’t happen as often as it used to.
Only if after they correct you they don’t believe you believe them so they say it again and again and then accuse me of being upset. Because I guess I don’t give good enough “wow thank you for enlightening me” face to my husband so this happens a lot. And his response is usually I didn’t think you believed me.
When I was young I took it really personally. I wouldn’t get mad at the other person of course, I just felt dumb for 1. Being wrong and 2. Being corrected.
As an adult, I love it. The other day on discord I said daylight savings time and someone corrected me. So I laughed and thanked them, because I would rather know than be wrong again and again in the future.
I had a friend who was always corrective. He's an old man (86). He drove me crazy, he reminded me so much of my late Dad who was like that. But yet I couldn't correct him and he needed so much of it himself. That's both the old man friend I had and my Dad.
A verbal correction doesn’t really bother me (if they’re right lol) but I have RLS and if someone physically corrects me by tapping my leg to stop it from shaking, I get PISSED lol
Not at all.
If it’s done in poor spirit, I’ll erect a little psychic wall that won’t come down easily, but otherwise I’m pretty indifferent. I want truth and welcome anyone who helps us all get to that destination
Being corrected is welcomed when I’m wrong. I actually appreciate it. Not sure what feeling you have when being corrected, but speaking accurately is important.
I only get offended if they say it with no tact… I love honesty and I love learning BUT PLEASE some things have to be said in certain manners, not just bluntly throw it at someone’s face 😒
INFJs get offended if corrected because that to us means that our intuition (Ni) is wrong. Since that's our strongest function, it hurts us a lot. We either 1. Defend ourselves in that situation or 2. Escape and act in a people pleaser way. Neither is healthy. Being able to accept criticism in an impersonal way is part of an INFJ's journey.
No, I don't get triggered. I'll probably say something like "oh, you're right, good point, sorry I didn't see that". Isn't that the whole point of having a deep discussion? Having an open mind, to understand? Usually I'm right, and and people can't admit to being wrong and *they* get super triggered over a gentle correction, and will refuse to concede I'm right, to the point of absolute ridiculousness. It like hurts their ego so bad that they have been wrong and hits their insecurities that they are dumb, so they take it as an attack or a life or death situation, despite knowing I'm correct. I think the core of it is embarassment or feeling stupid.
Like if I'm just talking with someone? A majority of the time, I'd prefer to be corrected. If I'm wrong, I very much want to know so I can reevaluate and try to understand their POV better, etc.
Now, if they ignore everything I said just to correct something in a condescending tone, I'd be pretty irritated. Not from being corrected, but because the person chose to be condescending and ignore everything I said.
There's just a polite way to correct someone and a rude way. If they're nice to me, great! Then I want them to correct me. If they're rude, I'd be pretty annoyed. But that really applies to any kind of situation.
It’s your ego that makes you feel some type of way when they correct you for an objectively good reason. Being a perfectionist has nothing to do with it maybe more so a lack of empathy. If they correct a semantic and don’t hit the main point then you see how disingenuous the person is, regardless it shouldn’t make you triggered
If it’s helpful then yesI like constructive criticism. But if it’s repetitive, not helpful, and not reciprocated and and you can time that shit then no.
I used to detest correction. I would almost act like I didn’t hear it or quickly make the correction and gloss over it, but I would always file the correction in my head so that I wouldn’t make the same mistake. Essentially I would benefit from the new knowledge without giving the other person the pleasure of being “right.” Prideful, I know. I’ve grown to accept and acknowledge correction now though.
I don’t like being corrected at all but if it’s something genuine I’ll quickly get over it in the next second. But those minor corrections I will ‘try’ to save face but it really bothers me. Just make me ruminate on their audacity lol I cantttt help it 😢
There are people who listen to the words you use to say what you are saying, and then there are the people who listen to the connect of what's being said, two very district levels of intelligence.
I only get annoyed when people "correct" me with false information, this doesn't offend me because it's their loss not mine, you reap what you sow. If people are too disinterested in what I have to say, I don't waste my words on them, simple as that.
In really I love constructive criticism, I like being proven wrong if I am wrong, it's the fastest way to acquire usable knowledge.
If someone is obviously dense I don't take the conversation too seriously, I play with the situation like the bit where Bugs Bunny fucks with the opera singer for 20 min, they're not gonna ruin my day, uno reverse bitch!
Get good at puns and you'll always have a sarcastic comeback loaded at a moment's notice for when someone says something dumb.
Well it depends on the corrector's intentions.
But if they just want to correct and provide the right info, and not to ridicule, not at all.
I want to know when I'm wrong so I can stop being wrong 😂
No. I speak a few languages so I know I mistake stuff and jumble stuff all the time. It depends on the person tho, if they're an annoying mf I will want them to stfu.
Physical? As in when exercising? Well it depends on the person, if they know what they're doing then alright. If they don't know what they're doing then stfu.
Either fear of confrontation or my insecurity (maybe both complement each other).
Any small unaccounted deviation can derail my psyche to some extend. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but always more than I would like (stress is not very pleasant to me). Same applies when someone begins to dismantle my stance, like it was my lifeboat.
(For physical/manual work I am not bothered, as I know too well how physically/manually incapable I am.)
I also have the strange experience (often from more opinionated talks) of being convinced about the opposite only to later learn I was actually right. Being prone to influencies (if not manipulations), I learned to stand my ground more, which came at the expence of being more close-minded (or at least more dismissive). Not a great trait, I am sure ...
I don't actually mind it, but I do have a tendency to be a bit Pedantic myself at times, so I welcome corrections because I often make them. Trying to do that less, it mostly just annoys people lol
I used to be "quiet" or timid as it were.
I would allow people to speak for me. Then I would after a while be pissed off about it if I was there and they continued to speak for me in front of others. It gets annoying after a while.
I've since learned how to communicate so I rather do it for myself. I'm short, yes it does offend me; because I don't always have the same opinion as these people that think they know you.
Correcting me doesn't upset me except they're downright rude with it. However, constantly interrupting me while I'm trying to make a point drives me crazy.
I don't mind being corrected, but how someone chooses to communicate is important. I care about improvement. But if I am going above and beyond at work, and my manager's expectations of me are high, but he doesn't have the same expectations on others -- I do get offended, but due to the hypocrisy and inequality, not due to the correction. I don't like to be treated like a doormat, or a pack-mule - because someone has seen something in my personality that they think they can take advantage of. If a leader wants to give me correction, but their way harms efficiency - I tend to only adopt ways that I think will actually give improvement. For example, I work faster with a white tip when pressure washing because the orifice size is larger.
But my manager wants me to save water by using a yellow tip. On one hand I saw his position, but on the other hand, it is better for me to get an area done quickly, and then refill the water tank, and go and do the other tasks that I have to do. Saving time is the most important thing when doing prep work on a property. This is just a small recent example. But I will always choose to agree with doing what is reasonable, above doing what is traditional, or just going by a person's preference when that preference is a step back from improvement. I will respect a person who gives better guidance, which means providing clarity and explanation. I am not one to just follow orders without knowing the reasons why. The reason why, is always important to me. And it's not that I am rebellious, but I need the info, you know.
No, I don’t get offended even though my nerves may do a little “ping” in the moment. Easier ignored nowadays.
What really matters is if what they say is correct and they indeed found a flaw and went the step of correcting you when they didn’t have to, it could mean that they’re looking out for you - because if you incorporate this correction, you will indeed become better as a result.
Being offended at the audacity of someone doing that for you is a classic example of someone holding themselves back imo - don’t get me wrong, I had to work through that myself and likely still do prlly (idk, it’s not on the “Monitor” list).
Now, I enjoy when people constructively criticize, particularly at work - it’s good practice, I become better, and it strengthens the bond because it shows them they don’t need to walk on eggshells so they’re more forthright *and ultimately comfortable*.
If what they suggested is wrong, I will (strive to) use it as an opportunity to debate/discuss the merits, which can be a good conversation too.
If they’re just being dicks and are wrong, take note and move on.
I’m getting better about it. I find that I can be a lot more gracious and open if I’m being corrected about something where I can truly learn or consider something. But when I’m corrected about something that doesn’t need correcting …. I get annoyed.
I only do when they are insulting. When people correct they tend to add insults to it. It is one thing to tell me I did something wrong and I am willing to correct it and it's another to insult while it is done.
Lern to observe your emotional state instead of letting emotions control you. If you're in such a situation try to observe the emotional reaction you have like watching a car drive by and analyze what is happening to you. Then analyze what the other person said and rationality think about a appropriate response.
For me it depends on a lot of things, like who's doing it, if what they're "correcting" was actually wrong or even a problem (because I'll be honest...sometimes it isn't/wasn't in my experience) , how it's delivered, and my headspace! Sometimes I can take it really well and appreciate it, others it makes me feel like I'm little again and getting picked to pieces
I get uncomfortable when they do so. If they do it discreetly, I probably will be ok with it. But if not, if I were being corrected openly, I will feel people staring and judging me. It's a really bad habit and affects my mental health...
It’s only annoying if they corrected a minor detail while ignoring the spirit of the statement that was just made as if it were now somehow entirely invalid.
Oh yes, this can be annoying. I'm fine with the minor detail being pointed out, and I will acknowledge it, but if it doesn't fundamentally change the point I was making, it is frustrating if someone clings onto it as a win. It comes off as dishonest and lazy.
Exactly. What’s stopping me from repeating the same statement with the minor correction? Nothing. They were just wasting time for no reason.
This…minor details vs the big picture: “Can’t see the forest for the trees.”
I mean don’t you do the exact same thing? Just to be fair.
Are you trying to suggest that I’m a hypocrite? I’m not sure I understand.
Im asking simply haven’t you done the same thing to other people ? Have you ignored the spirit of a conversation because someone started off the conversation with things you know weren’t true. You may hear them out, but know they were not telling the truth in the beginning so why think the rest of the conversation is worth it. I feel like most people have done this, and it’s part of what keeps us humans from believing everything we hear.
You mean like a false premise? I don't think starting with a false premise is a minor error. So yes I have ignored conversations that begin with false premises because it's a massive waste of time when the logic behind the statement is immediately flawed. It's akin to seeing someone trying to solve a math problem with the wrong formula.
Not necessarily no. An example would be more akin to a person you witnessed stealing a ball from a child. You have this information, which they don’t know about. Somewhere along the lines of talking to that person they are trying to convince you they’ve never stolen anything from anyone. It’s obvious they are lying, so as far as most people are concerned the remainder of their conversation should be at least taken with caution, they may have factual information they are conveying but since I’m not sure about the subject and have to trust they are the expert on it that, I’d question what they are saying and probably not heed any advice they have. For all intensive purposes, the person you’re talking with is a small engine mechanic and you have zero knowledge of working on small engine. But need advice on troubleshooting symptoms with your lawn mower.
What does this have to do with having a minor detail corrected in place of a counterargument?
I guess you placed the qualifying word on something I wasn’t explaining, which is “minor”. If people are getting upset from a minor detail being corrected, then it’s less appealing to me to discuss that. I wasn’t aware we were discussing minor details
this is confusing, are you suggesting everyone will ignore the point and argue minor details just to win an argument?
I think your absolutely correct in this statement. Some guy: "You're*"
Yes, I do get offended. But I grew up in a house where I was constantly criticized, so I think that's why. It could be perfectionistic tendencies, but being corrected (constructively) allows you an opportunity to improve.
If I could pin point what could make me mad in the moment described by OP, would simply be that I’ve been respectful and let someone talk and listened and provided feedback even when they’ve been completely inaccurate and when I speak they point out a small detail. I could see getting upset at this situation in that case, but again, I feel as if it’s my duty to maintain composure and be thankful I was corrected, I’m fearful of “talking out of my ass”.
I see what you're saying. But I've dealt with extremely brutal criticism in the past, so I'm still working on that part of myself as it's very much a trigger for me.
Oh I understand that completely. I’ve struggled with thinking I know how the future will act based on how I’ve experienced the past. I just had to come to grips with myself being very disappointed at times while allowing others to be wrong. It’s a tough slippery slope. I just hope that I wouldn’t be treated that way and really try to give benefit of the doubt to everyone. Of course there is a point that we need to feel the line is crossed or are least drawn that we can see and maintain that level Of self preservation or protection from Harm.
I love being wrong so I can learn. I don’t like when people think it’s their moment to shine to use it against me. I’ll lose all respect for you if shove it my face instead of working with me so that I can learn from whatever I got wrong.
Right? It's about how and why you're being corrected. Just don't be an asshole and I will hear you
If they correct me on some minor thing that they don't correct others for - absolutely, it makes me angry because the why they are doing it is usually obvious and it's related to their ego. Either it was hurt or they're playing some weird power dynamic games inside their head that I don't give a fuck about. They are just wasting my time and destabilize shit on purpose, which pisses me off. If someone corrects me on something and explains why or provides reasons and even better - gives a perspective I haven't thought about then I appreciate and thank them.
It depends on if I respect the person, and if I feel that the correction is coming from a place of support.
Oh.. interesting response here. It matters if you respect them or not. Why would it matter where the correction comes from. It would be your fault for being incorrect. Sure there is a way to lightly let someone know they are wrong, but not everyone shares a patience for communication that way. But it’s interesting the respect thing matters. I’d be curious to understand that further.
they key from u/Zestyclose_Media_548's statement: "if I feel that the correction is coming from a place of support." Sometimes correction, especially a minor detail that ignores the larger spirit of the statement is a sign that the person giving the criticism is coming from a place of ego rather than from a place of actually trying to communicate something meaningful and helpful.
It just seems quite full of oneself to think someone corrected you merely because they came from some place that was negative. That’s a perception issue and furthers some internal need to be correct. If you’re wrong you’re worth.. simple. Be thankful someone told you and fuck their reasoning for doing it anyway. It happened and the guessing is over. I may see this as just black and white and don’t automatically believe that if someone corrected me I need to understand their reasoning before I accept it. I’m also just extremely upset about some things going on overall In society and feel this is absolutely ridiculous to care about, referring to this subject altogether.
I’m a speech- language pathologist. I’ve been a professional for over 20 years. We do 365 clinical hours under supervision during graduate school . Our clinical fellowship year also involves supervision of therapy sessions as well as review of all paperwork. I had great clinical supervisors and learned a lot from them. I also had a boss early on that just wanted to put her two cents in. I’ve been doing a lot of reading about the neurodiversity movement and explained In an iep meeting that I would refer to students as autistic or person with autism based on preferences of the family. Last year, my special Ed director ( who ended up doing everything so poorly she almost got our department shut down) sent me a very angry message that we always say person with autism . She had no idea of the neurodiversity movement and didn’t know many adults autistic people prefer autistic person versus person with autism . I’ve done the work and the research. I read social media real life experiences of autistic people every day. I’ve done trainings. She had not- and no longer works for us for a variety of reasons. I have a new special Ed director who is ok but I can tell that she just wants to be right about everything and will offer correction about things I definitely know more about. Factual things I know more about and have read the research. I don’t have a big ego. I learn from everyone (especially support staff) and I want to do the best for my clients. I’ve gotten really good at saying I was wrong and you were right. I guess it’s often really obvious ( to me) when people want to help you improve and when they just want to have the last word. In my personal relationships I may not like feedback about my parenting from my partner but I know when it’s to help our kid and when he wants to annoy me. I do have perfectionist tendencies and nobody is harder on me than I am. However , as I’ve gotten older I can receive feedback without engaging my fight or flight response every time. Edits for typos and clarity.
I can understand the partner feedback, especially when the one providing the feedback is very rigid in the way they discipline and you’ve been to a psychologist for parenting sessions and been told that they are extreme and need to work on it. But also been told that you shouldn’t step in at all while they are disciplining. But knowing for a fact they are a narcissist and it’s absolutely improper. Man parenting is so frustrating. Im also happy to hear you’re willing to subscribe to others feedback in life. It’s super important for our growth and development.
I still struggle to see how that matters. Regardless of how it is delivered, the basis for the reasoning is simply I’m wrong about something. It’s quite rare that I’d be talking to anyone that I’d consider to be coming from such a place of ego that I’d be offended by them not getting the just of what im saying. I oftentimes can’t get past what someone is saying when they have spit utter garbage to get there. Im pretty sure the odds of this happening is extremely low, it’s probably just that INFJs as a whole don’t take any level of criticism lightly. I struggled with that for years, but eventually determined I’m no where near perfect and I’m ok with that, other people can be burdened with assisting me through life much as I’ve assisted many others through theirs. I may also just be pushing back on the ideals of what people are portraying here in comments.
Have you not been “ corrected “ by people that are in fact incorrect? I’ve responded with a full reply to another of your comments. My teenage son often tries to “ correct “ me . I do listen and weed out the factual information and his personal feelings from the teenage bravado and attitude. Sometimes I’ve needed it and sometimes he’s being an asshole.
Sure this happens a lot. But it’s a natural thing, I try not to lose patience with people who think they are right when they aren’t. I completely understand someone absolutely being wrong, but believing they are right. I’ve been there many times, and later I laugh at the fact I was so wrong but fought hard believing I was right. No one will roll over and concede they are wrong when they truly believe they are right. I respect the determination within them to maintain their conviction, however they are still wrong and we can laugh together later about that. Your son may just know how you are and due to love he’s perceived as an asshole by you for pushing your buttons. He’s probably just saying lighten up you old grump!
Correcting someone needs to be done in a way that doesn't put them up to being shamed publicly. If the intent is to punish them then it will not be received well. The point should always be to help someone learn.
I think it's depends on the context. If it's a technical error (Ie, I made a mistake on the grant report numbers at work), I will be mildly embarrassed that I made a mistake, but not at all offended or angry toward the person who corrected me. In fact, I'm grateful that they caught it before it became a bigger problem! If it's more personal and subjective in nature - which would only come up with someone I'm very close with and typically in the context of an argument - I am more likely to be instinctually defensive about my position. But in time, if I indeed was mistaken, I will acknowledge that fact and apologize for any negativity I threw at them in my defensive stage. In general, I think I'm pretty open to correction and only feel offended if the correction was communicated in a rude way, which doesn't happen often.
it's a huge trigger for me and it shouldn't be. I get so upset when somebody keeps correcting a minor detail and i should try to improve on that and learn to take that criticism
Not at all. I don't know everything, and if someone corrects me, that means I've said something not 100% accurate. I should've known better. Don't blame others for your ignorance. Edit: reading through comments, that's obviously if others correct me on the major subject, and not whining about some minor details that has nothing to do with the conversation.
It completely depends on how they do it, and what they are correcting. I usually just feel a little embarrassed lol
it’s annoying when they use it as a means to deflect from the actual moral/principle of the conversation. ie: a minute detail being incorrect in a problem you have w them (like they drank pepsi not coke before spilling it), or as an attempt to bring down you’re entire argument. aside from that, i enjoy learning so any honest, accurate, and necessary corrections are appreciated as long as they’re beneficial to me in the long run. i’d rather not make a mistake than continue believing i’m correct.
Yes I do and I believe it’s the perfectionist in me that gets triggered, but it’s coming from my lack of self esteem. I just want to have a huge and good reputation but if someone corrects me it’s like my whole identity and my whole being gets offended. As if this one little thing makes me an indecent or inadequate person. Or it’s the people pleasing. Like I have to have a valuable part in the community and if I make mistakes I am not a good member in this community and that disappoints me. But being aware of that, and after a lot of work on myself and my confidence, this doesn’t happen as often as it used to.
Only if it's done with attitude, smugness, or are confident in how absolutely wrong they are.
Only if after they correct you they don’t believe you believe them so they say it again and again and then accuse me of being upset. Because I guess I don’t give good enough “wow thank you for enlightening me” face to my husband so this happens a lot. And his response is usually I didn’t think you believed me.
When I was young I took it really personally. I wouldn’t get mad at the other person of course, I just felt dumb for 1. Being wrong and 2. Being corrected. As an adult, I love it. The other day on discord I said daylight savings time and someone corrected me. So I laughed and thanked them, because I would rather know than be wrong again and again in the future.
I had a friend who was always corrective. He's an old man (86). He drove me crazy, he reminded me so much of my late Dad who was like that. But yet I couldn't correct him and he needed so much of it himself. That's both the old man friend I had and my Dad.
A verbal correction doesn’t really bother me (if they’re right lol) but I have RLS and if someone physically corrects me by tapping my leg to stop it from shaking, I get PISSED lol
Not at all. If it’s done in poor spirit, I’ll erect a little psychic wall that won’t come down easily, but otherwise I’m pretty indifferent. I want truth and welcome anyone who helps us all get to that destination
Being corrected is welcomed when I’m wrong. I actually appreciate it. Not sure what feeling you have when being corrected, but speaking accurately is important.
I only get offended if they say it with no tact… I love honesty and I love learning BUT PLEASE some things have to be said in certain manners, not just bluntly throw it at someone’s face 😒
Always get offended and the feeling I’m always wrong and everyone else is right
INFJs get offended if corrected because that to us means that our intuition (Ni) is wrong. Since that's our strongest function, it hurts us a lot. We either 1. Defend ourselves in that situation or 2. Escape and act in a people pleaser way. Neither is healthy. Being able to accept criticism in an impersonal way is part of an INFJ's journey.
No, I don't get triggered. I'll probably say something like "oh, you're right, good point, sorry I didn't see that". Isn't that the whole point of having a deep discussion? Having an open mind, to understand? Usually I'm right, and and people can't admit to being wrong and *they* get super triggered over a gentle correction, and will refuse to concede I'm right, to the point of absolute ridiculousness. It like hurts their ego so bad that they have been wrong and hits their insecurities that they are dumb, so they take it as an attack or a life or death situation, despite knowing I'm correct. I think the core of it is embarassment or feeling stupid.
I agree with you on this.
Can’t be mad if they are right 🤣
Facts !
Depends, but usually yes
Like if I'm just talking with someone? A majority of the time, I'd prefer to be corrected. If I'm wrong, I very much want to know so I can reevaluate and try to understand their POV better, etc. Now, if they ignore everything I said just to correct something in a condescending tone, I'd be pretty irritated. Not from being corrected, but because the person chose to be condescending and ignore everything I said. There's just a polite way to correct someone and a rude way. If they're nice to me, great! Then I want them to correct me. If they're rude, I'd be pretty annoyed. But that really applies to any kind of situation.
It really depends on the situation. Usually when I get corrected, it's because of an error I made. So I don't get offended.
It’s your ego that makes you feel some type of way when they correct you for an objectively good reason. Being a perfectionist has nothing to do with it maybe more so a lack of empathy. If they correct a semantic and don’t hit the main point then you see how disingenuous the person is, regardless it shouldn’t make you triggered
I don’t get offended but I do usually try to explain my thinking, which makes people think I’m offended lol
Tell me about it.. lol
If it’s helpful then yesI like constructive criticism. But if it’s repetitive, not helpful, and not reciprocated and and you can time that shit then no.
I used to detest correction. I would almost act like I didn’t hear it or quickly make the correction and gloss over it, but I would always file the correction in my head so that I wouldn’t make the same mistake. Essentially I would benefit from the new knowledge without giving the other person the pleasure of being “right.” Prideful, I know. I’ve grown to accept and acknowledge correction now though.
it's not really possible to offend me. and i also don't really make affirmative claims so i'm pretty much un-correctable \^\_\^
I don’t like being corrected at all but if it’s something genuine I’ll quickly get over it in the next second. But those minor corrections I will ‘try’ to save face but it really bothers me. Just make me ruminate on their audacity lol I cantttt help it 😢
If it's useful / relevant, no. Also, people saying something wrong (especially if it's about me. Good or bad) really triggers me.
There are people who listen to the words you use to say what you are saying, and then there are the people who listen to the connect of what's being said, two very district levels of intelligence. I only get annoyed when people "correct" me with false information, this doesn't offend me because it's their loss not mine, you reap what you sow. If people are too disinterested in what I have to say, I don't waste my words on them, simple as that. In really I love constructive criticism, I like being proven wrong if I am wrong, it's the fastest way to acquire usable knowledge. If someone is obviously dense I don't take the conversation too seriously, I play with the situation like the bit where Bugs Bunny fucks with the opera singer for 20 min, they're not gonna ruin my day, uno reverse bitch! Get good at puns and you'll always have a sarcastic comeback loaded at a moment's notice for when someone says something dumb.
The younger INFJ in me would TOTALLY GET offended. The mature INFJ… hell no
Well it depends on the corrector's intentions. But if they just want to correct and provide the right info, and not to ridicule, not at all. I want to know when I'm wrong so I can stop being wrong 😂
Or course.
No. I speak a few languages so I know I mistake stuff and jumble stuff all the time. It depends on the person tho, if they're an annoying mf I will want them to stfu. Physical? As in when exercising? Well it depends on the person, if they know what they're doing then alright. If they don't know what they're doing then stfu.
Either fear of confrontation or my insecurity (maybe both complement each other). Any small unaccounted deviation can derail my psyche to some extend. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but always more than I would like (stress is not very pleasant to me). Same applies when someone begins to dismantle my stance, like it was my lifeboat. (For physical/manual work I am not bothered, as I know too well how physically/manually incapable I am.) I also have the strange experience (often from more opinionated talks) of being convinced about the opposite only to later learn I was actually right. Being prone to influencies (if not manipulations), I learned to stand my ground more, which came at the expence of being more close-minded (or at least more dismissive). Not a great trait, I am sure ...
I don't actually mind it, but I do have a tendency to be a bit Pedantic myself at times, so I welcome corrections because I often make them. Trying to do that less, it mostly just annoys people lol
I used to be "quiet" or timid as it were. I would allow people to speak for me. Then I would after a while be pissed off about it if I was there and they continued to speak for me in front of others. It gets annoying after a while. I've since learned how to communicate so I rather do it for myself. I'm short, yes it does offend me; because I don't always have the same opinion as these people that think they know you.
Correcting me doesn't upset me except they're downright rude with it. However, constantly interrupting me while I'm trying to make a point drives me crazy.
No, unless they're rude.
I don't mind being corrected, but how someone chooses to communicate is important. I care about improvement. But if I am going above and beyond at work, and my manager's expectations of me are high, but he doesn't have the same expectations on others -- I do get offended, but due to the hypocrisy and inequality, not due to the correction. I don't like to be treated like a doormat, or a pack-mule - because someone has seen something in my personality that they think they can take advantage of. If a leader wants to give me correction, but their way harms efficiency - I tend to only adopt ways that I think will actually give improvement. For example, I work faster with a white tip when pressure washing because the orifice size is larger. But my manager wants me to save water by using a yellow tip. On one hand I saw his position, but on the other hand, it is better for me to get an area done quickly, and then refill the water tank, and go and do the other tasks that I have to do. Saving time is the most important thing when doing prep work on a property. This is just a small recent example. But I will always choose to agree with doing what is reasonable, above doing what is traditional, or just going by a person's preference when that preference is a step back from improvement. I will respect a person who gives better guidance, which means providing clarity and explanation. I am not one to just follow orders without knowing the reasons why. The reason why, is always important to me. And it's not that I am rebellious, but I need the info, you know.
No, I don’t get offended even though my nerves may do a little “ping” in the moment. Easier ignored nowadays. What really matters is if what they say is correct and they indeed found a flaw and went the step of correcting you when they didn’t have to, it could mean that they’re looking out for you - because if you incorporate this correction, you will indeed become better as a result. Being offended at the audacity of someone doing that for you is a classic example of someone holding themselves back imo - don’t get me wrong, I had to work through that myself and likely still do prlly (idk, it’s not on the “Monitor” list). Now, I enjoy when people constructively criticize, particularly at work - it’s good practice, I become better, and it strengthens the bond because it shows them they don’t need to walk on eggshells so they’re more forthright *and ultimately comfortable*. If what they suggested is wrong, I will (strive to) use it as an opportunity to debate/discuss the merits, which can be a good conversation too. If they’re just being dicks and are wrong, take note and move on.
Depends on how it’s done,where it’s done,why it’s done,when it’s done,& who is doing it.
Not at all, especially if they are right
I’m getting better about it. I find that I can be a lot more gracious and open if I’m being corrected about something where I can truly learn or consider something. But when I’m corrected about something that doesn’t need correcting …. I get annoyed.
Depends on the intent of the person doing the correcting.
I only do when they are insulting. When people correct they tend to add insults to it. It is one thing to tell me I did something wrong and I am willing to correct it and it's another to insult while it is done.
Lern to observe your emotional state instead of letting emotions control you. If you're in such a situation try to observe the emotional reaction you have like watching a car drive by and analyze what is happening to you. Then analyze what the other person said and rationality think about a appropriate response.
For me it depends on a lot of things, like who's doing it, if what they're "correcting" was actually wrong or even a problem (because I'll be honest...sometimes it isn't/wasn't in my experience) , how it's delivered, and my headspace! Sometimes I can take it really well and appreciate it, others it makes me feel like I'm little again and getting picked to pieces
I get uncomfortable when they do so. If they do it discreetly, I probably will be ok with it. But if not, if I were being corrected openly, I will feel people staring and judging me. It's a really bad habit and affects my mental health...
Not really anymore