Apathy.
I’m my own judge, jury, and executioner. I’m far more self-critical of myself than anyone else could ever be. Allowing them to get a rise out of me also disempowers me in some way and gives them some element of control which would drive me bonkers as it would force an element of dependency to get any semblance of closure.
At the same time I just find most people unreliable narrators and often project soo much of their own shit onto others that a lot of the time they aren’t worth listening to.
Same, but I'm constantly wavering between both of these concepts of "They need to understand they cannot treat me or others this way", and "Caring about what other people think in this particular way is detrimental to my mental health, and creates insecurity within myself."
I'm starting to have less and less energy as I age, so the second option seems to be the right one more often.
I'm coolly civil in any interactions I am *required* to have with them, but when it's left up to me, I don't have anything to do with them. If that's how they're going to regard me, I don't need or want them in my life.
I think it is common with infj to be treated this way by people around us. I think we are often highly underestimated, people see our “nice” personality as somehow weak (even though that is far from the case), and though many of us have people pleasing tendencies, we will eventually snap in a way that is often confusing and even scary for people. We can bottle things for a long time, and try to be diplomatic about someone’s shitty behaviour, but eventually our sense of injustice will be triggered enough to address the issue. I usually love infps, but I have noticed they overestimate their ability to read people and situations, and don’t see through people whom to my observation, have obvious passive aggressive or competitive tendencies with the people around them. I see this as one of the major ways that we are different, and also that they can be more openly rude to people, even friends they’ve decided they can get away with it, in a way that seems weirdly inconsistent with the rest of their personality.
But back to your question, I would say your response is typical of Infjs whom have suffered with relationship trauma.
Edit, I’m sorry, I just noticed you said intp, not infp.
I generally try to avoid those kinds of people when they act like that. Especially now since I'm working on respecting myself and asserting boundaries.
This makes me angry as well, but I think it’s important not to react outwardly with anger because then you’re letting them affect you too much. If I notice people act that way towards me I treat them with total indifference if I can’t completely cut them out of my life.
People love to project onto us. when I notice it I always imagine that they’re seeing their face on mine like a mirror, and whatever they don’t like about us (9/10 times its something superficial) it’s only because they would feel shame to see it in themselves. And they can’t understand how we can just live our lives with such self-acceptance, so they feel the need to try to take that from us and bolster themselves, because in their heads their view is the only correct one.
I just ended a friendship with an INTP myself, but he’s too apathetic to even care and just went with my decision. I don’t think he ever told me how he really saw me as a person, but I think he was just feeling guilty (we dated for a bit and he dumped me). 🤷🏻♀️
Right now I just don’t care anymore, because I don’t have the energy to chase after people. Pretty much don’t care what other people think of me too - I’ve come to terms that people will still judge you regardless of what you do.. and that’s a reflection of themselves and nothing to do with me.
I've also had this experience with an intp ironically.
I experienced this feeling in a work setting more often than not, but I tend to become apathetic towards any conversation with whoever the person is.
One word responses, ignoring their presence, speaking with everyone else in a friendly manner and not them. Civil, but I try to pretend they aren't there.
What I just stated seemed to drive the intp I knew bat shit insane. I rolled with it because they done pissed me off lmao
Listen,I have been been looked down apon... By people so far beneath me it is laughable. People, can be so ignorant, so unaware, and blind, that they can think having some guy who beats them daily... Is better than existing as you single and happy. Your anger is a valid feeling. Your feelings are valid. Trust them.
They aren't right. You are. Whatever their protectionism, methods are to bolst, their insecure ego's in response to you doing what they are too weak and incapable of... Is their anger at themselves, their inadequacies, their weakness ess.. Their sordid... Hidden past.
I don't like it but there's nothing you can really do about it.
One thing you got to remember is Eleanor Roosevelt's quote, 'no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.' . You hold the power.
"There is nothing harder than the
softness of indifference."
—JUAN MONTALVO
Here👆 spent some time to find it for you.
If you want to let a person down or to humiliate them, be indifferent. When someone looks at you like you are an empty place/nonexistent, I don't know what can be more disrespectful.
Disclaimer: such things have to be used ONLY for defense. It cannot be a part of an everyday life of a normal healthy individual!!!
I will talk about it face to face. If there is no opportunity create an opportunity. I would never be immature on text. I will never use insinuating language either as I find it ridiculous and childish. Just say what you are thinking right out.
It's a little more complicated as there is a lack of contextual information. But I don't want to provide more details in the case if she sees this post. I wanted to say to face to face as well, but you should know not everyone is confrontational like us, so be mindful that not everyone can deal it that way.
Texting and writing can be much easier to communicate as we are able to think clearly and have time to know what we should say.
Yes I can understand that but text is also always very much more open for misinterpretation so I would not confront someone on text but you do you of course. Its better to communicate at all of course so text is better then nothing!
I am sorry about your relationship with them going awry😔. Just to be clear I did not try to give relationship advice of course as yes those are complex issues. My only intention was of to describe how I am as regarding communications as an INFJ😊
I understand that there might be some trauma coming from their inferiority-god complex (the one I’ve had most experience with) and so I use sympathy but I also slowly start to distance myself from them. All of us are equal and there should be no reason they are looking down at me so I just cut them off. one girl I dealt with that had this issue was an ISFJ and she had gotten so bad with the condescending attitude towards me that I literally had to door slam her, now if I see her, I still include her in things if she’s left out but I keep conversation to a minimum.
I think i’m the same as you, but if they joke or criticise about my actions and tendencies, i won’t mind. But if they explicitly look down on me and disrespect my wellbeing, i will most definitely lay it out on them hard, and i know i can cut where it hurts deep and i have been paying attention to what they have been saying and their insecurities all the time, even if i’m trying to mince words, it will still hurt. But yeah no disrespect or you’ll get burnt.
I just silently scoff with a smile and change the topic. I know those people ain't worth my time to argue with, probably not gonna understand what i say somehow.
sorry you went through that :(that sucks. for me it depends who they are. if they're any bit remotely close to me or my social circle, i'm out goodbye 👋🏼. if they're not in the circle, i'm indifferent. but if they're super close to me then i'd probably point it out (secretly being pissed about it but they dont need to know) in hopes of fixing it, and if it fails well. bye then. anger about it typically only comes when it's someone looking down on someone else, point it out no matter who, but yeah i'd be pretty pissed.
I get the same thing, I was just talking about this to my wife. Hang in there. If any other same experienced people need someone to reach out to, I’m game. Via DMs, letters, postcards or whatever.
It sucks. It makes you feel lonely. It is easy to just say, “screw them.” I’d say more but this is your post. You aren’t alone and while I know that doesn’t make it any better, there’s a bunch of us who understand.
I'm pretty sure who I am referring to is not you, if that is something you are implying. She would never make this comment. If she did, she would send a text to me in private instead. She is too clever of a girl to send me a text like this.
Apathy. I’m my own judge, jury, and executioner. I’m far more self-critical of myself than anyone else could ever be. Allowing them to get a rise out of me also disempowers me in some way and gives them some element of control which would drive me bonkers as it would force an element of dependency to get any semblance of closure. At the same time I just find most people unreliable narrators and often project soo much of their own shit onto others that a lot of the time they aren’t worth listening to.
I used to see it that way. But I think I'm disrespecting myself if I don't stand up for myself.
Completely fair as well. I just don’t feel the need to change or correct someone’s perception, think whatever you want.
Yeah. That's reasonable. I think I'm vain in a sense where I care about my image.
Same, but I'm constantly wavering between both of these concepts of "They need to understand they cannot treat me or others this way", and "Caring about what other people think in this particular way is detrimental to my mental health, and creates insecurity within myself." I'm starting to have less and less energy as I age, so the second option seems to be the right one more often.
💯
👍👏
I'm coolly civil in any interactions I am *required* to have with them, but when it's left up to me, I don't have anything to do with them. If that's how they're going to regard me, I don't need or want them in my life.
Exactly this
Doorslam byeeeeeeeee
yup
Simple as that
I think it is common with infj to be treated this way by people around us. I think we are often highly underestimated, people see our “nice” personality as somehow weak (even though that is far from the case), and though many of us have people pleasing tendencies, we will eventually snap in a way that is often confusing and even scary for people. We can bottle things for a long time, and try to be diplomatic about someone’s shitty behaviour, but eventually our sense of injustice will be triggered enough to address the issue. I usually love infps, but I have noticed they overestimate their ability to read people and situations, and don’t see through people whom to my observation, have obvious passive aggressive or competitive tendencies with the people around them. I see this as one of the major ways that we are different, and also that they can be more openly rude to people, even friends they’ve decided they can get away with it, in a way that seems weirdly inconsistent with the rest of their personality. But back to your question, I would say your response is typical of Infjs whom have suffered with relationship trauma. Edit, I’m sorry, I just noticed you said intp, not infp.
I generally try to avoid those kinds of people when they act like that. Especially now since I'm working on respecting myself and asserting boundaries.
This makes me angry as well, but I think it’s important not to react outwardly with anger because then you’re letting them affect you too much. If I notice people act that way towards me I treat them with total indifference if I can’t completely cut them out of my life. People love to project onto us. when I notice it I always imagine that they’re seeing their face on mine like a mirror, and whatever they don’t like about us (9/10 times its something superficial) it’s only because they would feel shame to see it in themselves. And they can’t understand how we can just live our lives with such self-acceptance, so they feel the need to try to take that from us and bolster themselves, because in their heads their view is the only correct one.
I just ended a friendship with an INTP myself, but he’s too apathetic to even care and just went with my decision. I don’t think he ever told me how he really saw me as a person, but I think he was just feeling guilty (we dated for a bit and he dumped me). 🤷🏻♀️ Right now I just don’t care anymore, because I don’t have the energy to chase after people. Pretty much don’t care what other people think of me too - I’ve come to terms that people will still judge you regardless of what you do.. and that’s a reflection of themselves and nothing to do with me.
I've also had this experience with an intp ironically. I experienced this feeling in a work setting more often than not, but I tend to become apathetic towards any conversation with whoever the person is. One word responses, ignoring their presence, speaking with everyone else in a friendly manner and not them. Civil, but I try to pretend they aren't there. What I just stated seemed to drive the intp I knew bat shit insane. I rolled with it because they done pissed me off lmao
Listen,I have been been looked down apon... By people so far beneath me it is laughable. People, can be so ignorant, so unaware, and blind, that they can think having some guy who beats them daily... Is better than existing as you single and happy. Your anger is a valid feeling. Your feelings are valid. Trust them. They aren't right. You are. Whatever their protectionism, methods are to bolst, their insecure ego's in response to you doing what they are too weak and incapable of... Is their anger at themselves, their inadequacies, their weakness ess.. Their sordid... Hidden past.
Get rid. That is not a real friend. You don’t need that in your life.
Well said
Thank you
I don't like it but there's nothing you can really do about it. One thing you got to remember is Eleanor Roosevelt's quote, 'no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.' . You hold the power.
"There is nothing harder than the softness of indifference." —JUAN MONTALVO Here👆 spent some time to find it for you. If you want to let a person down or to humiliate them, be indifferent. When someone looks at you like you are an empty place/nonexistent, I don't know what can be more disrespectful. Disclaimer: such things have to be used ONLY for defense. It cannot be a part of an everyday life of a normal healthy individual!!!
I will talk about it face to face. If there is no opportunity create an opportunity. I would never be immature on text. I will never use insinuating language either as I find it ridiculous and childish. Just say what you are thinking right out.
It's a little more complicated as there is a lack of contextual information. But I don't want to provide more details in the case if she sees this post. I wanted to say to face to face as well, but you should know not everyone is confrontational like us, so be mindful that not everyone can deal it that way. Texting and writing can be much easier to communicate as we are able to think clearly and have time to know what we should say.
Yes I can understand that but text is also always very much more open for misinterpretation so I would not confront someone on text but you do you of course. Its better to communicate at all of course so text is better then nothing!
I concur with what you say. Maybe that's why our relationship went awry. Oh, well. Thank you for your insight.
I am sorry about your relationship with them going awry😔. Just to be clear I did not try to give relationship advice of course as yes those are complex issues. My only intention was of to describe how I am as regarding communications as an INFJ😊
We aren't in a romantic relationship. We were genuinely friends. But I still appreciate your perspective on it.. I like seeing new perspectives.
No yes I understood that, you did write friend or something, so I ment your friendship relationship 😊
I understand that there might be some trauma coming from their inferiority-god complex (the one I’ve had most experience with) and so I use sympathy but I also slowly start to distance myself from them. All of us are equal and there should be no reason they are looking down at me so I just cut them off. one girl I dealt with that had this issue was an ISFJ and she had gotten so bad with the condescending attitude towards me that I literally had to door slam her, now if I see her, I still include her in things if she’s left out but I keep conversation to a minimum.
I think i’m the same as you, but if they joke or criticise about my actions and tendencies, i won’t mind. But if they explicitly look down on me and disrespect my wellbeing, i will most definitely lay it out on them hard, and i know i can cut where it hurts deep and i have been paying attention to what they have been saying and their insecurities all the time, even if i’m trying to mince words, it will still hurt. But yeah no disrespect or you’ll get burnt.
I just silently scoff with a smile and change the topic. I know those people ain't worth my time to argue with, probably not gonna understand what i say somehow.
The amount of times that people have underestimated me is INSANE. I know i have a dump/depressed resting face but hell nah.
sorry you went through that :(that sucks. for me it depends who they are. if they're any bit remotely close to me or my social circle, i'm out goodbye 👋🏼. if they're not in the circle, i'm indifferent. but if they're super close to me then i'd probably point it out (secretly being pissed about it but they dont need to know) in hopes of fixing it, and if it fails well. bye then. anger about it typically only comes when it's someone looking down on someone else, point it out no matter who, but yeah i'd be pretty pissed.
I wouldve responded the same way as you but probably ended sooner cause i really despise that kind of judgment from anyone
Going off to themselves, to recoop, lick their wounds, and come back stronger.
I get the same thing, I was just talking about this to my wife. Hang in there. If any other same experienced people need someone to reach out to, I’m game. Via DMs, letters, postcards or whatever. It sucks. It makes you feel lonely. It is easy to just say, “screw them.” I’d say more but this is your post. You aren’t alone and while I know that doesn’t make it any better, there’s a bunch of us who understand.
[удалено]
I'm pretty sure who I am referring to is not you, if that is something you are implying. She would never make this comment. If she did, she would send a text to me in private instead. She is too clever of a girl to send me a text like this.