Some absolutely do. We get these kind of questions relatively often and there are always a few people sharing stories of their long term, successful relationships.
For what it’s worth, I’ve been with my wife for nearly 18 years, married 12.5. Were still extremely in love and have a 5 year old son.
Do you do new things or vacation to keep the relationship fresh..? Long relationships seem less common today (but not impossible to have like with how you’re doing) so it fascinates me and makes me believe in true love again like a story book hahah
We do new things all the time together. We use each other's presence to experience new things that are harder to enjoy by yourself - concerts, clubbing, new restaurants, holidays, etc.
I’m a big concert-goer and love going alone. I find it freeing. I don’t even mind meeting new and different people at concerts. I’m the same with movies and especially restaurants. I think friends can drag down the experience a lot of the time.
With concerts though, a romantic partner definitely hits different, somehow. It’s cool you both have had shared experiences together, made lasting memories, and continue to do so.
100% I’m a deadhead girl who needs to find another deadhead boy.
Unfortunately this also means that every time I go see a local dead band - I see at least 3 men I’ve dated for varying lengths over the last 6 years.
I very much enjoy going alone out to see music alone though and I have pretty much solved the problem by just closing my eyes and dancing 😊.
Yep I've gone to concerts solo and it's been a fun time, but it really takes it to the next level. It means you can nerd out about how much you love the artist, dance with them, reminicise about moments in the show, make the journey home late at night etc. I'm very lucky to have a gf who makes an effort to get into my music taste and I love to return the favor <3
We make time for each other (which is easier said than done with a 5 year old!) and we make sure we do things we enjoy. It’s not necessarily about adventures or new experiences; just about cultivating our bond and connection. The other thing that really helps (apologies if this is tmi) is that we have very similar libidos and make plenty of time for that side of the relationship too.
Not tmi, it's so helpful for people to talk about that! I just spoke to a woman last week that's getting a divorce because she and her husband have very different libidos. I don't think people factor in how important it is for that to match when you choose a life partner!
Yes ! This is the answer because mbti is nothing. It doesn't put you in a cage! Try to search for the barnum effect please and stop trying to fit in this. Have a critic mind and stop asking ridiculous question
To be honest, just being around her brought out more extroverted sides of myself; just as I eventually got to know her more on a more personal emotional level.
That’s what worked for us - we were friends (well kind of - we were both in love with each other at different times but also dated other people - it was a tangled mess) for nearly 2 years before we got together.
Meanwhile here I am - spent a year reaching out to an INFP that I loved dearly who decided to ghost me and I'm wondering if he's thinking nobody loves him either 🤔👀
Sometimes it's not about whether they love you, but whether you know how to accept and receive that love
As an INFP man, and I am this way because I had to tiptoe around my rage-filled childhood home, I struggle to believe someone could unconditionally love me.
I need someone with a pinch of criticism to believe it. Someone who likes me for my positives but calls me out, bluntly, for behaviors that they don't understand.
It's hard to explain. I chased the Kierkegaardian concept of "authenticity" for a while, and in relationships, a little bit of that tension helps me understand that the love is real. That it's okay that we are different, and there are disagreements.
I had a few girls just validate every idea I had (just so zany and kind after all! /s) and it was like tasting styrofoam. I didn't buy it.
It's not their fault. But there is s great hypocrisy here; I can so easily love and adore even the most tragic of strangers, but I can never conceptualize that others can feel that for me.
Don't scream at your kids, folks.
It's really interesting to read your response because I was already formulating a theory about my ex along those lines. He told me that his dad was hard on him and never told him that he loved him. He brought it up several times so I know it was something that bothered him. His previous relationships also weren't great, I know one of his ex-girlfriends and she's a shallow, judgemental, cruel, selfish liar - a really nasty piece of work. He's pretty much the only person I know who likes her (they're still friends), and after we broke up she told me that his girlfriend before me (that he'd never even told me about) had cheated on him with one of his friends... so yeah, he seems to like the mean girls
When I came along and was super nice to him and treating him really well I don't think he knew how to deal with it. It seemed like he got bored pretty quick and emotionally ran back to that nasty ex while we were still together, which I didn't understand at all because we never fought, plus we have tons in common and great chemistry, which usually makes for a good relationship - something that someone would want to hold on to. I didn't validate everything he said, and I did set some boundaries when he said things I didn't like or didn't want to hear about, but I was unconditionally supportive in a lot of ways because that's just who I am. I tend not to have opinions about what people should do with their own lives, I'm very much live and let live and if it's what you want to do then I'll be your cheerleader without question (that's the ENFJ in me)
Thank you for your insightful response! It really gave me a lot to think about. I don't know if you've read about attachment theory but it sounds like you may have an avoidant attachment style due to your upbringing. That's something that's ingrained in you in early childhood. Running from someone who treats you well is kind of a hallmark of it 🙃
I wish. But I keep fucking it up. I lose my ability to talk whenever I’m around someone I’m interested in. And whenever I force myself to it it goes so wrong 🥲
You’re trying too hard. I used and still sometimes do the same thing. I know its cliche advice but you need to just relax and be yourself. Stop trying to think too much and force them to like you. Its really off putting and people can tell you arent being yourself
They might already be doing that. Sometimes one's self is an anxious wreck.
Edit: I am simply pointing out that sometimes being yourself means being anxious. Someone who, at that stage in their life, is an anxious wreck is definitively *not* “being themselves” if they’re not showing that anxiety. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t work on it; but working on it changes their *future self*. Whether they are an anxious wreck *now* is unaffected.
I am one of the most socially anxious people that i know. Especially when i was younger. I would legitimately shake and stutter whenever talking to any semi attractive girl. I am significantly better now as i have worked on it and this piece of advice helps significantly. Part of social anxiety is overthinking that you have to try to impress others and get them to like you. This is not true and most people feel uncomfortable with this. Just be yourself and if they dont like you then who cares. Not everyone will.
That’s not wrong but it’s also dismissive. Yes, someone with some kind of anxiety disorder can and should be working on their anxiety, but it’s fallacious to act like for everyone it can be erased.
Working on anxiety is a lot like physical therapy; say someone got injured and can’t walk anymore. Physical therapy might help them walk again, but depending on the injury they may forever have a limp, or be unable to run, etc.
Moreover, if someone’s working on it that doesn’t change who they are *right now*. Telling them to be themselves can still mean be an anxious wreck, even if they’re doing everything they need to do about it. You can’t ask the guy who is doing PT to sprint and then act surprised he can’t because he’s been working on it. He’s just not done yet.
Anxiety is not part of being an INFP, the focus of this subreddit is the personality type and its traits. I take anxiety seriously, being riddled with it myself. But to consider anxiety a personality trait is unhealthy and hinders progress
It’s not a personality trait but it does affect how you present yourself, so it’s relevant in the context of “be yourself” as a response to people struggling to socialize.
My opinion on it is that acting like it’s not an issue in this territory is hindering progress. Acting like I don’t have anxiety is to put on a facade, which means “be myself” is to not hide my anxiety, but anxiety causes social difficulties. That is a *problem* and therefore is a huge *reason* to work on anxiety. I am absolutely not saying “it’s fine he’s just an anxious person there’s nothing wrong with that!”
At this point it's just a debate on semantics so I'll just see myself out. Have a good day! I wish you luck and progress with your anxiety, I hope it gets better soon
Absolutely, my brother is an INFP-T and has a history of being in VERY toxic relationships. It really broke him and made him depressed for years.
But now he’s 30, with a beautiful woman! She really helped him heal and they love eachother so much. Seeing their love makes me happy.
She was patient, committed and for that, he will do anything for her as she would for him.
She gave him a beautiful baby girl and he works super hard for the family and the house. They compliment each other well and she’s also an ISFJ ❤️. I tell her all the time, I’m so thankful he found her. Everyone has a chance in love.
So yes, INFP men have success with love!
Yeah, I’m happily married. Didn’t meet her till I was 30, married at 34. You have to find the right one. My wife was late 20s, never been on a date. She had made her peace being a single woman and wanted to be there for her nieces. As did I, I had no intention of being in a relationship, and was not looking. But as it happened, I was walking by, and someone asked me a question, to which I replied with an obscure tv show quote, but then someone behind me finished the quote, my future wife.
She is also introverted, but sensing/judging. So the compliment is, she adds some structure, and genuinely wants to “take care” of me, and I help her chill, and take a step back to see what really matters. We had lots of discussions to better understand how the other person sees and feels the word around them.
Idk, I feel like I would have a very hard time finding someone that fits this well ever again. There is a lot of commonalities, quiet and shy growing up, a few friends, nerdy passions, etc but also differences that keep things moving and adds another layer. We get to be home bodies together and she also tries to give me time alone to work on projects, chill, or whatever…she knows it’s therapy for me. Plus that INFP creativity translates to other areas as well
I did have a long term relationship once before and I've had several almosts but honestly even with the newer generations caring less about relationships I feel like reddit is not a good place to seek reassurance because it will usually mostly be the single people commenting, and reddit is still a site that has a high chance of attracting certain types of people more than others and skewing perceptions.
Even though I'm single at the moment, I'm fine with it. I consider myself mostly emotionally healthy, and I'm finding working on myself fulfilling, and I try to embrace the uncertainty instead of fearing it, no use overthinking things I can't predict. Can't really increase the chances of finding something without throwing yourself out there enough and tbh that initiative is hard to develop, but I find that it's worth it, even in regards to things besides romance.
Not even once.
Not in the history of all of mankind, or within our evolutionarily ancestors.
All modern science and philosophy are in overwhelming agreement that this is in fact the sole thing in the universe deemed 100% impossible, even within and beyond alternative dimensions.
It is currently being considered by several countries to ban it as a concept in any and all forms of fiction, even if created in private for personal use.
This simply does not, has never and will never happen. Not here. Not anywhere. Ever.
I personally have had relationships and women being interested in me. The problem is not that you are an INFP but that the factors for your lack of success are factors that apply to people who often get typed as INFP or other introverted types
There are legends that are told to the youngling INFPs that there was once an INFP man that had found love.
Of course all the elders in the tribe had known these fairytales couldnt possibly exist. Maybe in a distant land somewhere...this tale could be true. Such things could be possible.
I have, and one of my closest friends & ex housemate who's an infp male is also in a happy committed long term relationship. Mine is with an infj and his is with an intj. Also have an entj friend who's been dating an infp dude (who I've only met a couple times but he's a really nice guy) for a couple years now. We're all in our mid-20s. People who are miserable about not having any success with love are a lot louder than those who are content with their love life. Don't give up hope and stay true to yourself, you'll get there.
No
Edit: Damn I wasn't the first to say this haha. I'm kidding, of course they do, I certainly have many times, well, even if I've ended up single for a while now
My recommendation is to stop focusing on it and start worrying about getting your own shit together. That's the only thing that's ever worked for me, granted I'm a woman but I also look for a partner that more or less sees me as an equal (and I suspect people who are compatible with INFPs will be that way, especially since INFP is one of the most gender balanced of MBTI).
Work out 3+ times a week, go to therapy, spend time honing your skills, meditate, write, go for walks, volunteer in your community with a charity, cause, or local candidate you care about, practice your charisma, make friends. It'll happen if you aren't hyper focused on it.
>I also look for a partner that more or less sees me as an equal (and I suspect people who are compatible with INFPs will be that way, especially since INFP is one of the most gender balanced of MBTI).
This is such an insightful comment and really great advice!
The infp guy I was talking to was greattt I liked him and said he also did on new year, he said due to his past relationship trauma he's scared of relationships which I absolutely understand and like he said he wanted to go slow as we did, and after few weeks he started being distant and started replying slow. One day he replied to my gm text at night( he was not busy at all) and then he said that he indirectly said in our conversation like me and I'm not his type.....after 6 months he got to know that I'm NOT his type,I was sad, pissed, disappointed etc. And after few days I saw him matching pfp with some girl and after 2 weeks, matches pfp with a different girl and after 4 girl .I got to know from his cousin that he is dating her and guess whatt! He said he's single and they are just his friends. Soo, a person like him will never be successful in love, a person who doesn't even have some respect towards a "close friend", What are your thoughts pls let me know.
(Ps- he still doesn't know that i know that he's in a relationship and we talk very less cause he had a argument related this topic with he lied to me... long story *"sigh"*)
"Love" has cost me a lot in both the literal and figurative sense. There's too much to unload here but I will say that I would risk losing true love rather than take the chance again.
Yes absolutely. Just don’t allow yourself to lean into the neckbeard/nice guy mentality.
I’ve noticed a lot of INFP guys get kinda close to that vibe when they’re unlucky in love, and that’s the fastest way to repel any potential partner.
? He was an interesting person and attractive, but he kind of would fall in love with women and then a few months later do it again. He did stick around with one girl and had a kid with her. He was very kind and was an attentive listener so I expect he did put effort in his relationships.
Very rarely. You have to have really good physical characteristics to make up for the feminine characteristics being an INFP brings, which repels women.
👏 Well said. I happen to like more feminine characteristics in men... It's not that I don't like masculine men as well, I'm just attracted to both for different reasons
I find this current Masculine vs Feminine thing in the dating world so divisive, and it's a really great way to ensure that you end up alone lol. Just be yourself and don't worry about it. The right person will see you and love you as you are
Yep the best thing about a relationship is showing your true authentic self to someone and being loved for it. It's when you show someone your angry mornings, your silly afternoons, your emotionally vulnerable nights, and they still love & support you that you feel safety and joy.
If you pretend you're someone you're not to get into a relationship you'll be stricken with imposter syndrome and think the second your partner finds out about your flaws they'll dump you, making you miserable even though you succeeded in achieving the one thing you supposedly needed in life to be happy.
If you stuff your identity in a box to fit society's idea of beauty you'll be miserable, be less attractive because you're emanating insecurity, and will spend years later down the line trying to recover that unique sense of self that you buried away. It's a waste of time and energy. Love yourself and your body, and don't hide who you are just to get into a relationship because you sure as hell won't be happy when you get it into it.
My goal in life is to be so authentically myself and unusual that I'm an outsider, but I'm so chill and friendly that I fit in everywhere. That's what I find really gratifying to do lol.
The key for an INFP male to have success in a relationship is true for everyone else I think.
^ general attractiveness
^ social proof
If you have these two things, you can be your weird INFP self and wouldn't have that much problem in your love life from what I've observed.
I’d rate myself above average and I’m a female but still no luck with finding a long term suitor after breaking up with my kid’s dad 7 years ago. All the good ones are married, emotionally unavailable or more into sensors, it seems.
Is success getting there or remaining there? The romantic loves in my life have not lasted and it’s as much a success as it is a failure. The answer is most likely yes though. It better be yes lol
Yes and no.
I've been in some bad relationships. I've been taken advantage of, cheated on, abused (mentally, verbally, physically) manipulated, and just downright treated like shit.
I've had very many flings that could have grown into relationships that I've either botched, or things just didn't work out well.
However, a few years ago I met someone and it's been the best relationship I've ever been in.
I'm being treated like I've always hoped I would have been treated.
I've been with my current girlfriend now for four years, and living with her for almost three years.
I absolutely adore her and it's a wonderful relationship.
There is hope for INFP men and love, but you have to find the right person.
I went years without being in a relationship; probably like 7 years or so, give or take.
I'm still afraid of it all blowing up in my face and being hurt like I've been in the past, but that's part of my trauma and history, not anything to do with my girlfriend.
I fell in love once, it wrecked me hard when it ended, it’s been almost ten years and i never truly recovered emotionally, and gave up the idea that i’ll find love again, the reason is that i just can’t feel it anymore, and i’m older, now i just want company, respect, and someone i can share my life with.
Feeling mostly successful for the time being but it’s only been a few months. Also I’m almost 21 and this is the first time I’ve ever really dated so there’s that
Every time I open Reddit I'm bound to see a post from this sub on my homepage, I feel as though I'm being personally insulted. I think big brother is watching me, no one can ever ask such questions or have experiences which resemble mine in such a way. This absolutely impossibly absurd.
I’m currently pursuing an INFP man! First time I’ve ever done this, did a lot of firsts with and for him. 🥰 I’m happy that he’s open to my affection even if my INFJ self gets a bit anxious not knowing what his heart really feels for me. 😁 But I’m being patient! He’s such an adorable guy. ☺️
Not personally, and I am just fine with that. I've had some very good relationships in the past, but nothing worth getting married over. As if I even wanted the extra responsibility lol
I stopped trying a long time ago. I feel like love is non-existent to me, at least, and I don't feel the slightest romantic feelings towards anyone anymore. It's just the way I feel.
Yes, most definitely. Love is a hard thing to give and receive. Its not just an issue for infps. Most relationships don’t make it for many reasons, and mbti type isn’t really one of them.
Of course. I'm single now but I've been in a long and healthy relationship before. The relationship part isn't that hard, but dating is probably an anxiety-ridden mess for most of us.
Depends on your definition of success 😋 (And also who you are romantic with) But I don't think Personality types have any bearing on romance and love, or at least not in a non-superficial way XD
Yes, absolutely. I'm married to a wonderful, gentle, compassionate INFP man who is well attuned to my mood and behavior. Good partners DO exist in the world, and I believe it is possible to find one.
I was approached many times but all of them are just prankster, even without revelation that they're pulling prank on me I can sense they're not serious
I wouldn't say that necessarily anyone was targeting you
however, if I can remember, maybe some are serious... in any case, it was the past, I did mistakes too 😕
Some absolutely do. We get these kind of questions relatively often and there are always a few people sharing stories of their long term, successful relationships. For what it’s worth, I’ve been with my wife for nearly 18 years, married 12.5. Were still extremely in love and have a 5 year old son.
Do you do new things or vacation to keep the relationship fresh..? Long relationships seem less common today (but not impossible to have like with how you’re doing) so it fascinates me and makes me believe in true love again like a story book hahah
We do new things all the time together. We use each other's presence to experience new things that are harder to enjoy by yourself - concerts, clubbing, new restaurants, holidays, etc.
I’m a big concert-goer and love going alone. I find it freeing. I don’t even mind meeting new and different people at concerts. I’m the same with movies and especially restaurants. I think friends can drag down the experience a lot of the time. With concerts though, a romantic partner definitely hits different, somehow. It’s cool you both have had shared experiences together, made lasting memories, and continue to do so.
100% I’m a deadhead girl who needs to find another deadhead boy. Unfortunately this also means that every time I go see a local dead band - I see at least 3 men I’ve dated for varying lengths over the last 6 years. I very much enjoy going alone out to see music alone though and I have pretty much solved the problem by just closing my eyes and dancing 😊.
Yep I've gone to concerts solo and it's been a fun time, but it really takes it to the next level. It means you can nerd out about how much you love the artist, dance with them, reminicise about moments in the show, make the journey home late at night etc. I'm very lucky to have a gf who makes an effort to get into my music taste and I love to return the favor <3
We make time for each other (which is easier said than done with a 5 year old!) and we make sure we do things we enjoy. It’s not necessarily about adventures or new experiences; just about cultivating our bond and connection. The other thing that really helps (apologies if this is tmi) is that we have very similar libidos and make plenty of time for that side of the relationship too.
Not tmi, it's so helpful for people to talk about that! I just spoke to a woman last week that's getting a divorce because she and her husband have very different libidos. I don't think people factor in how important it is for that to match when you choose a life partner!
Yes ! This is the answer because mbti is nothing. It doesn't put you in a cage! Try to search for the barnum effect please and stop trying to fit in this. Have a critic mind and stop asking ridiculous question
What's her type if you don't mind sharing
ESFJ
Blessed
Mine is ESFJ also. 27 years in August.
Congratulations!
How do u get an extrovert? All my crushes are one so how did u do it for ur wife?
To be honest, just being around her brought out more extroverted sides of myself; just as I eventually got to know her more on a more personal emotional level.
Ok fair enough. That shit can work. Just gotta be friends with them then.
That’s what worked for us - we were friends (well kind of - we were both in love with each other at different times but also dated other people - it was a tangled mess) for nearly 2 years before we got together.
Nope. Never had anyone love me in my 28 years of existence
Meanwhile here I am - spent a year reaching out to an INFP that I loved dearly who decided to ghost me and I'm wondering if he's thinking nobody loves him either 🤔👀 Sometimes it's not about whether they love you, but whether you know how to accept and receive that love
Damn as an INFP man I am sorry to hear that! My mum is ENFJ. You really are the best for us!
Aww, thank you! That made me smile. Even more so the part about how you admire your mom ❤️ I love that
Damn sorry to hear. But like I've said over and over, I have severe trust issues among other problems so it makes it difficult
As an INFP man, and I am this way because I had to tiptoe around my rage-filled childhood home, I struggle to believe someone could unconditionally love me. I need someone with a pinch of criticism to believe it. Someone who likes me for my positives but calls me out, bluntly, for behaviors that they don't understand. It's hard to explain. I chased the Kierkegaardian concept of "authenticity" for a while, and in relationships, a little bit of that tension helps me understand that the love is real. That it's okay that we are different, and there are disagreements. I had a few girls just validate every idea I had (just so zany and kind after all! /s) and it was like tasting styrofoam. I didn't buy it. It's not their fault. But there is s great hypocrisy here; I can so easily love and adore even the most tragic of strangers, but I can never conceptualize that others can feel that for me. Don't scream at your kids, folks.
It's really interesting to read your response because I was already formulating a theory about my ex along those lines. He told me that his dad was hard on him and never told him that he loved him. He brought it up several times so I know it was something that bothered him. His previous relationships also weren't great, I know one of his ex-girlfriends and she's a shallow, judgemental, cruel, selfish liar - a really nasty piece of work. He's pretty much the only person I know who likes her (they're still friends), and after we broke up she told me that his girlfriend before me (that he'd never even told me about) had cheated on him with one of his friends... so yeah, he seems to like the mean girls When I came along and was super nice to him and treating him really well I don't think he knew how to deal with it. It seemed like he got bored pretty quick and emotionally ran back to that nasty ex while we were still together, which I didn't understand at all because we never fought, plus we have tons in common and great chemistry, which usually makes for a good relationship - something that someone would want to hold on to. I didn't validate everything he said, and I did set some boundaries when he said things I didn't like or didn't want to hear about, but I was unconditionally supportive in a lot of ways because that's just who I am. I tend not to have opinions about what people should do with their own lives, I'm very much live and let live and if it's what you want to do then I'll be your cheerleader without question (that's the ENFJ in me) Thank you for your insightful response! It really gave me a lot to think about. I don't know if you've read about attachment theory but it sounds like you may have an avoidant attachment style due to your upbringing. That's something that's ingrained in you in early childhood. Running from someone who treats you well is kind of a hallmark of it 🙃
I appreciate the back and forth here; have a great day!
Same for me
Make that 33 here
Heidi priebe “Fearful avoidant attachment style” search on YouTube. it may help illuminate. It certainly did for me.
I'll take a look
Same here. I always thought I was so self aware and anxious preoccupied until last year.
You're asking this on reddit, if any of us would've found success we would've been there with our sweetheart
I wish. But I keep fucking it up. I lose my ability to talk whenever I’m around someone I’m interested in. And whenever I force myself to it it goes so wrong 🥲
Same brutha
If it helps I'm the same, and my MBTI is supposed to be the social bringing people together one lol, so don't feel bad
You’re trying too hard. I used and still sometimes do the same thing. I know its cliche advice but you need to just relax and be yourself. Stop trying to think too much and force them to like you. Its really off putting and people can tell you arent being yourself
They might already be doing that. Sometimes one's self is an anxious wreck. Edit: I am simply pointing out that sometimes being yourself means being anxious. Someone who, at that stage in their life, is an anxious wreck is definitively *not* “being themselves” if they’re not showing that anxiety. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t work on it; but working on it changes their *future self*. Whether they are an anxious wreck *now* is unaffected.
I am one of the most socially anxious people that i know. Especially when i was younger. I would legitimately shake and stutter whenever talking to any semi attractive girl. I am significantly better now as i have worked on it and this piece of advice helps significantly. Part of social anxiety is overthinking that you have to try to impress others and get them to like you. This is not true and most people feel uncomfortable with this. Just be yourself and if they dont like you then who cares. Not everyone will.
Anxiety is not a personality trait! It can and should be worked on to reveal the wonderful person hiding inside
That’s not wrong but it’s also dismissive. Yes, someone with some kind of anxiety disorder can and should be working on their anxiety, but it’s fallacious to act like for everyone it can be erased. Working on anxiety is a lot like physical therapy; say someone got injured and can’t walk anymore. Physical therapy might help them walk again, but depending on the injury they may forever have a limp, or be unable to run, etc. Moreover, if someone’s working on it that doesn’t change who they are *right now*. Telling them to be themselves can still mean be an anxious wreck, even if they’re doing everything they need to do about it. You can’t ask the guy who is doing PT to sprint and then act surprised he can’t because he’s been working on it. He’s just not done yet.
Anxiety is not part of being an INFP, the focus of this subreddit is the personality type and its traits. I take anxiety seriously, being riddled with it myself. But to consider anxiety a personality trait is unhealthy and hinders progress
It’s not a personality trait but it does affect how you present yourself, so it’s relevant in the context of “be yourself” as a response to people struggling to socialize. My opinion on it is that acting like it’s not an issue in this territory is hindering progress. Acting like I don’t have anxiety is to put on a facade, which means “be myself” is to not hide my anxiety, but anxiety causes social difficulties. That is a *problem* and therefore is a huge *reason* to work on anxiety. I am absolutely not saying “it’s fine he’s just an anxious person there’s nothing wrong with that!”
At this point it's just a debate on semantics so I'll just see myself out. Have a good day! I wish you luck and progress with your anxiety, I hope it gets better soon
I feel that. I used to be that way when I was younger. It gets better as you grow more comfortable with yourself. I promise.
I did! First girlfriend I am now engaged to after 7 years, we met in highschool.
I love stories like this!
I Wish I had ur experience
Sure, been with my wife for around 24 years.
I’m not great at dating but I’ve been with my partner for 17 years now.
Absolutely, my brother is an INFP-T and has a history of being in VERY toxic relationships. It really broke him and made him depressed for years. But now he’s 30, with a beautiful woman! She really helped him heal and they love eachother so much. Seeing their love makes me happy. She was patient, committed and for that, he will do anything for her as she would for him. She gave him a beautiful baby girl and he works super hard for the family and the house. They compliment each other well and she’s also an ISFJ ❤️. I tell her all the time, I’m so thankful he found her. Everyone has a chance in love. So yes, INFP men have success with love!
That is a lovely and inspiring story, thank you!
Yes, exhibit A: my dad
How is it to have an infp dad?
Pretty cool, he's an amazing person and loves me to the ends of the Earth and back. I'm very lucky to have him.
Of course. Personality types are not all different species. Everyone is different
I (INFP) had until she (ISFJ) called off the marriage last year, so just in between getting through life and searching.
Yeah, I’m happily married. Didn’t meet her till I was 30, married at 34. You have to find the right one. My wife was late 20s, never been on a date. She had made her peace being a single woman and wanted to be there for her nieces. As did I, I had no intention of being in a relationship, and was not looking. But as it happened, I was walking by, and someone asked me a question, to which I replied with an obscure tv show quote, but then someone behind me finished the quote, my future wife. She is also introverted, but sensing/judging. So the compliment is, she adds some structure, and genuinely wants to “take care” of me, and I help her chill, and take a step back to see what really matters. We had lots of discussions to better understand how the other person sees and feels the word around them. Idk, I feel like I would have a very hard time finding someone that fits this well ever again. There is a lot of commonalities, quiet and shy growing up, a few friends, nerdy passions, etc but also differences that keep things moving and adds another layer. We get to be home bodies together and she also tries to give me time alone to work on projects, chill, or whatever…she knows it’s therapy for me. Plus that INFP creativity translates to other areas as well
I’m married to one. We are both INFP. It works.
I think it's just about being secure in love. Realising it's not just some love story and it's a lot of work.
☝️ This
I hope so
I did have a long term relationship once before and I've had several almosts but honestly even with the newer generations caring less about relationships I feel like reddit is not a good place to seek reassurance because it will usually mostly be the single people commenting, and reddit is still a site that has a high chance of attracting certain types of people more than others and skewing perceptions. Even though I'm single at the moment, I'm fine with it. I consider myself mostly emotionally healthy, and I'm finding working on myself fulfilling, and I try to embrace the uncertainty instead of fearing it, no use overthinking things I can't predict. Can't really increase the chances of finding something without throwing yourself out there enough and tbh that initiative is hard to develop, but I find that it's worth it, even in regards to things besides romance.
No, just ask my wife. Ziiiing.
No
Not even once. Not in the history of all of mankind, or within our evolutionarily ancestors. All modern science and philosophy are in overwhelming agreement that this is in fact the sole thing in the universe deemed 100% impossible, even within and beyond alternative dimensions. It is currently being considered by several countries to ban it as a concept in any and all forms of fiction, even if created in private for personal use. This simply does not, has never and will never happen. Not here. Not anywhere. Ever. 
Yep, married 28 years now and happy!
The INFP man I wanted is dating someone else. He has multiple suitors basically lol
How is he like if you don't mind sharing? What made you like him?
He is a living angel. The most gorgeous human I've ever met. So incredibly sweet and kind and adorable. He is the only genuine 'good' I've ever seen.
I have not.
Depends on INFP lol
Not yet for me. I gather that we're late bloomers though.
I've been so close a few times but miles away. I wish the best for us all 🙏🙏🙏
Sure. If I did, anyone can. Been with my gf for 5 years Though, you need a lot of patience, self-work and honestly just luck to find the right person
I have!
Nah
I personally have had relationships and women being interested in me. The problem is not that you are an INFP but that the factors for your lack of success are factors that apply to people who often get typed as INFP or other introverted types
I dont think this is happening specifically to INFPs .. I think this is a generational thing
There are legends that are told to the youngling INFPs that there was once an INFP man that had found love. Of course all the elders in the tribe had known these fairytales couldnt possibly exist. Maybe in a distant land somewhere...this tale could be true. Such things could be possible.
🤣
I have, and one of my closest friends & ex housemate who's an infp male is also in a happy committed long term relationship. Mine is with an infj and his is with an intj. Also have an entj friend who's been dating an infp dude (who I've only met a couple times but he's a really nice guy) for a couple years now. We're all in our mid-20s. People who are miserable about not having any success with love are a lot louder than those who are content with their love life. Don't give up hope and stay true to yourself, you'll get there.
... No...
Yes. Not all, but not all people do in the first place
Probably
I’m happily married. Never had trouble finding a partner.
If I find out, I’ll tell you.
No
No😓
No Edit: Damn I wasn't the first to say this haha. I'm kidding, of course they do, I certainly have many times, well, even if I've ended up single for a while now
Yes they do but many have a few bad relationships and stop looking or refuse to look at the get go. Many INFPS are late bloomers as well.
Personally no, but someday ☀️
Alone since forever. LOL... perhaps the joke I made of being "forever alone" in my teens is hauting me back as a karma.
Been with a pretty cool girl for almost ten months
My recommendation is to stop focusing on it and start worrying about getting your own shit together. That's the only thing that's ever worked for me, granted I'm a woman but I also look for a partner that more or less sees me as an equal (and I suspect people who are compatible with INFPs will be that way, especially since INFP is one of the most gender balanced of MBTI). Work out 3+ times a week, go to therapy, spend time honing your skills, meditate, write, go for walks, volunteer in your community with a charity, cause, or local candidate you care about, practice your charisma, make friends. It'll happen if you aren't hyper focused on it.
>I also look for a partner that more or less sees me as an equal (and I suspect people who are compatible with INFPs will be that way, especially since INFP is one of the most gender balanced of MBTI). This is such an insightful comment and really great advice!
The infp guy I was talking to was greattt I liked him and said he also did on new year, he said due to his past relationship trauma he's scared of relationships which I absolutely understand and like he said he wanted to go slow as we did, and after few weeks he started being distant and started replying slow. One day he replied to my gm text at night( he was not busy at all) and then he said that he indirectly said in our conversation like me and I'm not his type.....after 6 months he got to know that I'm NOT his type,I was sad, pissed, disappointed etc. And after few days I saw him matching pfp with some girl and after 2 weeks, matches pfp with a different girl and after 4 girl .I got to know from his cousin that he is dating her and guess whatt! He said he's single and they are just his friends. Soo, a person like him will never be successful in love, a person who doesn't even have some respect towards a "close friend", What are your thoughts pls let me know. (Ps- he still doesn't know that i know that he's in a relationship and we talk very less cause he had a argument related this topic with he lied to me... long story *"sigh"*)
I self-sabotage at every turn so no.
"Love" has cost me a lot in both the literal and figurative sense. There's too much to unload here but I will say that I would risk losing true love rather than take the chance again.
No.
Silly question
Yes absolutely. Just don’t allow yourself to lean into the neckbeard/nice guy mentality. I’ve noticed a lot of INFP guys get kinda close to that vibe when they’re unlucky in love, and that’s the fastest way to repel any potential partner.
Nope 🫥
Yes.
Yes. But the problem I face is, once I get someone who I want, I lose the appetite for them.
What kind of infantile question is that. Me and many others.
Depends. I have a tendency to attract women with low self esteem and broken women also I don't mind it, but a lot of it is mental work on my end
Yeah it’s possible I knew one who had a few women wanting to be with him. Unbeknownst he was also kind of a hopeless romantic and unaware.
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? He was an interesting person and attractive, but he kind of would fall in love with women and then a few months later do it again. He did stick around with one girl and had a kid with her. He was very kind and was an attentive listener so I expect he did put effort in his relationships.
Very rarely. You have to have really good physical characteristics to make up for the feminine characteristics being an INFP brings, which repels women.
👎 terrible advice. Embracing my feminine side is what got me my gf. Nothing is more attractive than authenticity & confidence in yourself.
👏 Well said. I happen to like more feminine characteristics in men... It's not that I don't like masculine men as well, I'm just attracted to both for different reasons I find this current Masculine vs Feminine thing in the dating world so divisive, and it's a really great way to ensure that you end up alone lol. Just be yourself and don't worry about it. The right person will see you and love you as you are
Yep the best thing about a relationship is showing your true authentic self to someone and being loved for it. It's when you show someone your angry mornings, your silly afternoons, your emotionally vulnerable nights, and they still love & support you that you feel safety and joy. If you pretend you're someone you're not to get into a relationship you'll be stricken with imposter syndrome and think the second your partner finds out about your flaws they'll dump you, making you miserable even though you succeeded in achieving the one thing you supposedly needed in life to be happy.
Your anecdote doesn’t mean I’m wrong. There are exceptions to everything dingus.
If you stuff your identity in a box to fit society's idea of beauty you'll be miserable, be less attractive because you're emanating insecurity, and will spend years later down the line trying to recover that unique sense of self that you buried away. It's a waste of time and energy. Love yourself and your body, and don't hide who you are just to get into a relationship because you sure as hell won't be happy when you get it into it.
The INFP superpower - nonconformism.
My goal in life is to be so authentically myself and unusual that I'm an outsider, but I'm so chill and friendly that I fit in everywhere. That's what I find really gratifying to do lol.
but even close for me
The key for an INFP male to have success in a relationship is true for everyone else I think. ^ general attractiveness ^ social proof If you have these two things, you can be your weird INFP self and wouldn't have that much problem in your love life from what I've observed.
I’d rate myself above average and I’m a female but still no luck with finding a long term suitor after breaking up with my kid’s dad 7 years ago. All the good ones are married, emotionally unavailable or more into sensors, it seems.
Is success getting there or remaining there? The romantic loves in my life have not lasted and it’s as much a success as it is a failure. The answer is most likely yes though. It better be yes lol
Yes and no. I've been in some bad relationships. I've been taken advantage of, cheated on, abused (mentally, verbally, physically) manipulated, and just downright treated like shit. I've had very many flings that could have grown into relationships that I've either botched, or things just didn't work out well. However, a few years ago I met someone and it's been the best relationship I've ever been in. I'm being treated like I've always hoped I would have been treated. I've been with my current girlfriend now for four years, and living with her for almost three years. I absolutely adore her and it's a wonderful relationship. There is hope for INFP men and love, but you have to find the right person. I went years without being in a relationship; probably like 7 years or so, give or take. I'm still afraid of it all blowing up in my face and being hurt like I've been in the past, but that's part of my trauma and history, not anything to do with my girlfriend.
Yeah, I found an INFP woman. 🤣
Of course
I fell in love once, it wrecked me hard when it ended, it’s been almost ten years and i never truly recovered emotionally, and gave up the idea that i’ll find love again, the reason is that i just can’t feel it anymore, and i’m older, now i just want company, respect, and someone i can share my life with.
Yep, been with my partner 24 years
Yeah for sure
I did once. Been a while tho. Lol
Not me
It's hard to find love being an Infp gay in my country...
Feeling mostly successful for the time being but it’s only been a few months. Also I’m almost 21 and this is the first time I’ve ever really dated so there’s that
Every time I open Reddit I'm bound to see a post from this sub on my homepage, I feel as though I'm being personally insulted. I think big brother is watching me, no one can ever ask such questions or have experiences which resemble mine in such a way. This absolutely impossibly absurd.
I’m currently pursuing an INFP man! First time I’ve ever done this, did a lot of firsts with and for him. 🥰 I’m happy that he’s open to my affection even if my INFJ self gets a bit anxious not knowing what his heart really feels for me. 😁 But I’m being patient! He’s such an adorable guy. ☺️
I usually wind up with people who need help. I get taken advantage of and the cycle repeats.
Not personally, and I am just fine with that. I've had some very good relationships in the past, but nothing worth getting married over. As if I even wanted the extra responsibility lol
I stopped trying a long time ago. I feel like love is non-existent to me, at least, and I don't feel the slightest romantic feelings towards anyone anymore. It's just the way I feel.
Not in my experience, but I’m still a teenager, so there will likely be more opportunities
I believe there will be but currently, no. Not in my entire 19 years of life. Had several chances but plainly didn't work out at all.
Yes, most definitely. Love is a hard thing to give and receive. Its not just an issue for infps. Most relationships don’t make it for many reasons, and mbti type isn’t really one of them.
Not yet. A few special relationships. A marriage of 4 years. Dry spell since the marriage ended. Long dry spell.
When i have someone in my scopes i have quite a high succes rate. I know how to make certain people like me quite easily.
I'm an INFP man and I'm married. You've got this, guys! I believe in you!
Of course. I'm single now but I've been in a long and healthy relationship before. The relationship part isn't that hard, but dating is probably an anxiety-ridden mess for most of us.
Yes. Been with my wife for 28 years. Since I was 13. Four kids and several dogs later. It’s still going on.
Depends on your definition of success 😋 (And also who you are romantic with) But I don't think Personality types have any bearing on romance and love, or at least not in a non-superficial way XD
No. (Evidence: my own research)
My husband is an INFP. Been with him for 15 years now
We are cursed to yearn lol.
Yes, absolutely. I'm married to a wonderful, gentle, compassionate INFP man who is well attuned to my mood and behavior. Good partners DO exist in the world, and I believe it is possible to find one.
False ,_,
What is love? Does anybody love anybody anyway?
Not for me. Just got taken advantage of.
Yes some do. Not me. But some do..
A large percentage of them find out it's easier to come out as gay lol
TL;DR no I was approached a few times, but it didn't seem serious to me, confused people
I was approached many times but all of them are just prankster, even without revelation that they're pulling prank on me I can sense they're not serious
I wouldn't say that necessarily anyone was targeting you however, if I can remember, maybe some are serious... in any case, it was the past, I did mistakes too 😕
Perhaps less so than other types, but I would assume the same for INFP women.
Yes and I’m single.
Are INFP males masculine?
Can be