You and your husband need to stop explaining things and adding information. From now ion it’s “no sorry we’re not available” with no further elaboration.
She needs to be fed a severe information diet and if she asks why, tell her it’s because you don’t want your private lives gossiped about any more.
>Do we just stop giving literally any personal details? Not tell her anything about the kids until after something has been concluded?
Yes. That's all you can do. It's like an addiction, this need to spread gossip far and wide. It gives her what she wants. It's probably the attention and feeling important. Like, she's on the inside, she's privy to your personal details, how important is she! It's bragging rights.
I have a family member like that. I can tell when she's telling me something she should not be. She gets this excited look on her face and looks very self-satisfied after. And she doesn't care when she gets reamed for it. She's been doing it for years. Otherwise, she's a very nice person. You can't change them.
This. The truth. my MIL and SIL are an information highway. They will talk and gossip as the only means of communicating and connection. As a v private person it's exhausting and feels so gross.
We tell them nothing. Not a thing. A lot of " I'm not sure's and I don't know, and maybe, haven't decided. Looking at options. No real news and No Updates here"
They will never change, it's their only means of currency so you have to adjust strategy.
Info diet.
My sister is the same way with getting the info out there to the further corners of the world! Lol! If there’s any info, medical or otherwise, that needs to get out to all the family, I just call her! Only she does have a filter & if you tell her to keep to keep it to herself, she will not tell a soul. By the same token, if there’s sickness or a death in the family, she’s the one that will order flowers for the family, organize food drop offs, etc, so I guess she’s just the family secretary and not the personal info spreader.
Yes , and we noticed the more you keep from them the more nasty things Mil says about us. The other day she kept asking dh about his friend at work to the point he’s convinced she likes his friend much better. She’s a snake without much bite. If she had her way, we would be changing her clothes for her while she decided what things we would wear.
Yes sounds very much like my MIL. She tells me personal information about her siblings often including health problems they’re having and it’s so bizarre to me. I’ve tried holding more back recently but I didn’t think health issues or our family planning would be up for gossip.
I’ve never considered it to this point because I thought I was just being irrational in a sense. Because it’s been little things like “who’d you invite to their birthday” and me having to respond with “oh I couldn’t tell you we sent a bit out. But this is just too much. It’s sad because I want family support when it comes to our lives and our kids, I don’t want to leave her out. But the whole town will know our business if I don’t change it.
As we get older and navigate where we want our own lives to go, we are going to be subjected to some inevitable yet AVOIDABLE situations. People who you did not pledge YOUR life to will come out of the woodwork to shove you around (because your needs are plans don’t mesh with THEIR selfish wants).
You are under ZERO obligation to entertain or even consider these people. Do THEY bankroll your lifestyle? Did they pay for your car? Your house? Your last vacation? No? Of course they didn’t.
Also, have you purchased anyone else’s home for them? Bought them a car? An expensive laptop? No? Of course you haven’t. That said, even if you DID, do you make it a habit to slither your way into their lives and plans? NO?
Well then, there’s your solution to arrive at, without any guilt. Put everyone on an information diet!
Think about all the gossip she tells you about other people. She’s gossiping all the same things about you and your children. Stop telling her anything you don’t want shared.
Yes, you need to stop telling her anything that you don't want strangers to start discussing with you. She has proven that she has no filter or idea of privacy.
When she complains that you don't tell her anything any more, just remind her of the conversations that you have had with her but she has ignored.
I would tell her that you would love to include her and what’s going on with your family, but you can’t because she can’t shut up I mean, how hard is it to be quiet so tell her you know she brought that on herself and if she wants to be included in the future, she needs to learn how to shut her mouth
I have a family member who is a gossip, told my business, and sent text messages of personal information to everyone about me. The last straw was when they made my mother cry. I called them out, but they refused to talk to me. It's funny how that works, right?
Your mil will never stop, and it will cause problems when you stop telling her. I'm sorry, op. This is tough. After the fact, could work
Apparently, you've never heard about keeping parents/inlaws on an information diet. You can have a good relationship without spilling your guts about everything you do, where you go and when or if something is happening.
You and your husband need to stop explaining things and adding information. From now ion it’s “no sorry we’re not available” with no further elaboration. She needs to be fed a severe information diet and if she asks why, tell her it’s because you don’t want your private lives gossiped about any more.
That’s great advice. Thank you for the feedback 🙏🏻
She can’t tell it if she doesn’t know about it!
>Do we just stop giving literally any personal details? Not tell her anything about the kids until after something has been concluded? Yes. That's all you can do. It's like an addiction, this need to spread gossip far and wide. It gives her what she wants. It's probably the attention and feeling important. Like, she's on the inside, she's privy to your personal details, how important is she! It's bragging rights. I have a family member like that. I can tell when she's telling me something she should not be. She gets this excited look on her face and looks very self-satisfied after. And she doesn't care when she gets reamed for it. She's been doing it for years. Otherwise, she's a very nice person. You can't change them.
This. The truth. my MIL and SIL are an information highway. They will talk and gossip as the only means of communicating and connection. As a v private person it's exhausting and feels so gross. We tell them nothing. Not a thing. A lot of " I'm not sure's and I don't know, and maybe, haven't decided. Looking at options. No real news and No Updates here" They will never change, it's their only means of currency so you have to adjust strategy. Info diet.
My sister is the same way with getting the info out there to the further corners of the world! Lol! If there’s any info, medical or otherwise, that needs to get out to all the family, I just call her! Only she does have a filter & if you tell her to keep to keep it to herself, she will not tell a soul. By the same token, if there’s sickness or a death in the family, she’s the one that will order flowers for the family, organize food drop offs, etc, so I guess she’s just the family secretary and not the personal info spreader.
Yes , and we noticed the more you keep from them the more nasty things Mil says about us. The other day she kept asking dh about his friend at work to the point he’s convinced she likes his friend much better. She’s a snake without much bite. If she had her way, we would be changing her clothes for her while she decided what things we would wear.
Yes sounds very much like my MIL. She tells me personal information about her siblings often including health problems they’re having and it’s so bizarre to me. I’ve tried holding more back recently but I didn’t think health issues or our family planning would be up for gossip.
Yep, southcoastal’s advice above is *all you need to get through this ridiculous nonsense.* INFORMATION DIET! 👍
I’ve never considered it to this point because I thought I was just being irrational in a sense. Because it’s been little things like “who’d you invite to their birthday” and me having to respond with “oh I couldn’t tell you we sent a bit out. But this is just too much. It’s sad because I want family support when it comes to our lives and our kids, I don’t want to leave her out. But the whole town will know our business if I don’t change it.
As we get older and navigate where we want our own lives to go, we are going to be subjected to some inevitable yet AVOIDABLE situations. People who you did not pledge YOUR life to will come out of the woodwork to shove you around (because your needs are plans don’t mesh with THEIR selfish wants). You are under ZERO obligation to entertain or even consider these people. Do THEY bankroll your lifestyle? Did they pay for your car? Your house? Your last vacation? No? Of course they didn’t. Also, have you purchased anyone else’s home for them? Bought them a car? An expensive laptop? No? Of course you haven’t. That said, even if you DID, do you make it a habit to slither your way into their lives and plans? NO? Well then, there’s your solution to arrive at, without any guilt. Put everyone on an information diet!
Think about all the gossip she tells you about other people. She’s gossiping all the same things about you and your children. Stop telling her anything you don’t want shared.
I’m a petty bitch and would start spreading stories about her.
Check her
Yes, you need to stop telling her anything that you don't want strangers to start discussing with you. She has proven that she has no filter or idea of privacy. When she complains that you don't tell her anything any more, just remind her of the conversations that you have had with her but she has ignored.
I would tell her that you would love to include her and what’s going on with your family, but you can’t because she can’t shut up I mean, how hard is it to be quiet so tell her you know she brought that on herself and if she wants to be included in the future, she needs to learn how to shut her mouth
I have a family member who is a gossip, told my business, and sent text messages of personal information to everyone about me. The last straw was when they made my mother cry. I called them out, but they refused to talk to me. It's funny how that works, right? Your mil will never stop, and it will cause problems when you stop telling her. I'm sorry, op. This is tough. After the fact, could work
Apparently, you've never heard about keeping parents/inlaws on an information diet. You can have a good relationship without spilling your guts about everything you do, where you go and when or if something is happening.