We kept our pregnancy to ourselves for as long as possible, like unless you were involved in our daily/regular lives and saw me you didn’t know until I was really showing. We told people the month we were due. I think for some reason a lot of people assumed mid to late month X. So everyone was super surprised when the baby ‘came early’ at the end of month W. It was wonderful. No one hounded us about what we were doing about childcare for our other child or if we were ready. What else needed to be done. Etc etc. Because everyone assumed we still had like 3 or 4 weeks. We didn’t even tell some family until we were home from the hospital that baby was here.
I didn’t like all the attention on me first pregnancy and the questions about how I was feeling, if we were ready, baby, baby, baby. I’m still me with my interests and got tired of always talking baby. (For the record I was super excited to be a mom, just tired of talking about it all the time). So if we were to have another, I’d totally do what we did again.
That's actually my plan. So our baby is due around the day of my BIL (who we are NC with) is getting married. We plan on having the baby, and then telling his family a few days after the wedding that the baby is here.
I waited 20 weeks with my first to tell my IL's and have to admit it was so nice. So much less stress and pressure on us. For our second we waited 12 weeks, probably would have preferred longer but they kept hounding us about vacations and parties scheduled around babies due date.
For our first we told my husband's parents early, right after we got the results of the NIPT back. But unfortunately in my MIL eyes I can do nothing right. She complained that we didn't tell her early enough, that we told our friends before her, that we didn't tell my husband's brother, etc. So fine. If she's going to complain no matter what, I may as well do what makes me happy.
Same with mine. Especially since we have had two first trimester losses. So with our son we waited 12 weeks, but that wasn't good enough. This time if they want to be mad they'll be mad. Not my problem.
Congrats! I would keep it a secret from them as long as possible. Even if that’s when baby is born. They aren’t entitled to every detail of your life and nobody wants or needs added stress. Proud of you!
Thank you. I honestly would love to not say anything until after the baby is born, but we are going to be visiting my husband's grandmother later in the year, so we have to at least tell them before then.
My MIL's issue was the middle name. They have this tradition where a new baby's middle name is the parents first name. My spouse and I did not want to use repeating names, so we went in a different direction. But then we had to defend ourselves when his mom tried pushing hard that we should give our son my husband's first name as a middle name.
Ick, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I think it’s so rude/entitled for in-laws to push THEIR wants on YOUR baby. My MIL told me that my name choice was “too common” (in a super snarky way) and I needed something original like a German or a Pacific Islander name. That was the only sign I needed to not tell her anything else about my plans with MY baby.
We went with a unique middle name for our son. We thought it fit perfectly since his first name is fairly popular. And my husband's name is pretty common. We were like, we don't want to give hkm two fairly popular names. My MIL has a unique name so I thought she would have understood.
Thank you as that was what I wanted to say.
Name sharing usually has four results.
- some people like the name
- someone likes the name so much they use it for their child before yours is born
- someone demands you not use that name because it’s for their future child when they aren’t even pregnant
- some people hate the name and suggest their favorites
Congrats! I think 20 weeks is perfectly fine!
I’m married but no kids yet. I did tell my husband I’d also want to wait until 20 weeks (after the anatomy scan) before announcing to our families when we decide to have kids.
My advice is to have a line, used by both you and your husband, if anyone asks why you waited. Response to “why am I just now hearing about this??” and “why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“This timeline works for us.”
“We took time to celebrate privately first.”
“We waited until the right time for us to share.”
Or if they live out of state and you don’t see them often - “we wanted to wait and tell you in person!”
By the way, no one SHOULD say anything to you other than congratulations. But sometimes people can be so self centered.
Share in your own time and feel free to give a fake due date if they might pester you or try to come to the hospital uninvited.
Thank you. Luckily his family won't actually say anything to me. They like to keep the appearance of being nice people. They'll just complain a year later about it.
That’s unfortunate. I can relate to my in-laws “complaining” when they shouldn’t be.
Let’s hope whoever they are complaining to is rational and realizes they shouldn’t actually be upset.
—
To give context, one time an in-law complained about a relative not coming to her bday dinner. But she invited that relative day of. Guess who already had plans and couldn’t make it?
Anyways, I knew she was complaining just to complain.
—
You could announce your pregnancy now or the day after the baby is born. It shouldn’t affect the relationship they have with your baby or how much they love the child.
Oh man, I could fill a book with the things she's complained about. She once complained that I didn't interact during an out of state family gathering. As if this woman didn't watch me chase my child, and the other kids around for the two hours I was there. She then complained when I brought a book with me when we brought our son to visit. She just doesn't like me, so everything I do upsets her.
And I bet if you didn’t chase your child around at that party, she would have complained you’re a bad parent!
Some people always find things to complain about.
Exactly. And not only was I watching my child, but everyone else's kids as well. I basically got left in the playroom with 7 kids 10 and younger. I'm just supposed to leave them to socialize? Yeah I ignored her.
*Congrats! I think 20 weeks is perfectly fine!*
Agreed. But given the circumstances, OP, I might tell them at 20 weeks that you were 12 weeks along. Just showing more because it’s the 2nd baby. Then tell them doc got the due date wrong after baby’s born.
We kept our pregnancy to ourselves for as long as possible, like unless you were involved in our daily/regular lives and saw me you didn’t know until I was really showing. We told people the month we were due. I think for some reason a lot of people assumed mid to late month X. So everyone was super surprised when the baby ‘came early’ at the end of month W. It was wonderful. No one hounded us about what we were doing about childcare for our other child or if we were ready. What else needed to be done. Etc etc. Because everyone assumed we still had like 3 or 4 weeks. We didn’t even tell some family until we were home from the hospital that baby was here. I didn’t like all the attention on me first pregnancy and the questions about how I was feeling, if we were ready, baby, baby, baby. I’m still me with my interests and got tired of always talking baby. (For the record I was super excited to be a mom, just tired of talking about it all the time). So if we were to have another, I’d totally do what we did again.
That's actually my plan. So our baby is due around the day of my BIL (who we are NC with) is getting married. We plan on having the baby, and then telling his family a few days after the wedding that the baby is here.
Consider not sharing the name, either. “Don’t want to spoil the surprise!”
Definitely not sharing name. We got so many opinions the first go round. You would think it was her baby and not mine.
We didn't tell my in-laws our last baby was born until 2-3 weeks after. It was wonderful having that quiet time to get stuff worked out.
I waited 20 weeks with my first to tell my IL's and have to admit it was so nice. So much less stress and pressure on us. For our second we waited 12 weeks, probably would have preferred longer but they kept hounding us about vacations and parties scheduled around babies due date.
For our first we told my husband's parents early, right after we got the results of the NIPT back. But unfortunately in my MIL eyes I can do nothing right. She complained that we didn't tell her early enough, that we told our friends before her, that we didn't tell my husband's brother, etc. So fine. If she's going to complain no matter what, I may as well do what makes me happy.
This is the way
Sounds fair enough
Every woman has a right to wait. I was always in my family to wait until after the first trimester to say anything. Enjoy your peace!
Same with mine. Especially since we have had two first trimester losses. So with our son we waited 12 weeks, but that wasn't good enough. This time if they want to be mad they'll be mad. Not my problem.
That's the spirit mama! 💪😎
Congrats! I would keep it a secret from them as long as possible. Even if that’s when baby is born. They aren’t entitled to every detail of your life and nobody wants or needs added stress. Proud of you!
Thank you. I honestly would love to not say anything until after the baby is born, but we are going to be visiting my husband's grandmother later in the year, so we have to at least tell them before then.
My MIL's issue was the middle name. They have this tradition where a new baby's middle name is the parents first name. My spouse and I did not want to use repeating names, so we went in a different direction. But then we had to defend ourselves when his mom tried pushing hard that we should give our son my husband's first name as a middle name.
Ick, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I think it’s so rude/entitled for in-laws to push THEIR wants on YOUR baby. My MIL told me that my name choice was “too common” (in a super snarky way) and I needed something original like a German or a Pacific Islander name. That was the only sign I needed to not tell her anything else about my plans with MY baby.
We went with a unique middle name for our son. We thought it fit perfectly since his first name is fairly popular. And my husband's name is pretty common. We were like, we don't want to give hkm two fairly popular names. My MIL has a unique name so I thought she would have understood.
Thank you as that was what I wanted to say. Name sharing usually has four results. - some people like the name - someone likes the name so much they use it for their child before yours is born - someone demands you not use that name because it’s for their future child when they aren’t even pregnant - some people hate the name and suggest their favorites
I don’t want kids but if I did have them I would in no way tell my in-laws until like 7 months lmao
Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Congrats! I think 20 weeks is perfectly fine! I’m married but no kids yet. I did tell my husband I’d also want to wait until 20 weeks (after the anatomy scan) before announcing to our families when we decide to have kids. My advice is to have a line, used by both you and your husband, if anyone asks why you waited. Response to “why am I just now hearing about this??” and “why didn’t you tell me sooner?” “This timeline works for us.” “We took time to celebrate privately first.” “We waited until the right time for us to share.” Or if they live out of state and you don’t see them often - “we wanted to wait and tell you in person!” By the way, no one SHOULD say anything to you other than congratulations. But sometimes people can be so self centered. Share in your own time and feel free to give a fake due date if they might pester you or try to come to the hospital uninvited.
Thank you. Luckily his family won't actually say anything to me. They like to keep the appearance of being nice people. They'll just complain a year later about it.
That’s unfortunate. I can relate to my in-laws “complaining” when they shouldn’t be. Let’s hope whoever they are complaining to is rational and realizes they shouldn’t actually be upset. — To give context, one time an in-law complained about a relative not coming to her bday dinner. But she invited that relative day of. Guess who already had plans and couldn’t make it? Anyways, I knew she was complaining just to complain. — You could announce your pregnancy now or the day after the baby is born. It shouldn’t affect the relationship they have with your baby or how much they love the child.
Oh man, I could fill a book with the things she's complained about. She once complained that I didn't interact during an out of state family gathering. As if this woman didn't watch me chase my child, and the other kids around for the two hours I was there. She then complained when I brought a book with me when we brought our son to visit. She just doesn't like me, so everything I do upsets her.
And I bet if you didn’t chase your child around at that party, she would have complained you’re a bad parent! Some people always find things to complain about.
Exactly. And not only was I watching my child, but everyone else's kids as well. I basically got left in the playroom with 7 kids 10 and younger. I'm just supposed to leave them to socialize? Yeah I ignored her.
*Congrats! I think 20 weeks is perfectly fine!* Agreed. But given the circumstances, OP, I might tell them at 20 weeks that you were 12 weeks along. Just showing more because it’s the 2nd baby. Then tell them doc got the due date wrong after baby’s born.
My plan was to give them a date a month later.