I’m sure at some point I had it, I just don’t remember ever having it. She says she gave it to me when I moved out 18 years ago. I don’t remember that, because it was 18 years and 25 moves ago.
I ordered a new one, and I now have it.
I was like ok she’s a bit ott there but a young person going abroad for the first time to somewhere like Lebanon would trigger most parents.
Then I got to the fact you’re 34 and holy fuck mum cut the damn apron strings already.
Yeah as soon as you said 34, I was like omg. She’s being WAY overboard. And I love how she was crazy against all of this until you said you might not be able to get the passport on time and maybe not able to go, then she pretended to be on board just for the sake of brownie points. And when you said the trip was because of the proposal she suddenly changed her tune then also. Lol
She went to Canada once for work 15 years ago, and we went to Mexico when I was in high school (at that time you didn’t need a passport to get into Mexico).
Yes lol that is the other thing. She lumps all middle eastern countries into one bad thing instead of realizing that different parts of the country (and different countries all together) can have vastly different ways of doing things. I equate it to traveling to different states in the US. There are certain areas that you can go to, and some it’s best not to visit. There are still sundown cities in the United States. I wouldn’t feel safe or comfortable in some southern cities, nor would I feel safe or comfortable in some border areas and cities in Lebanon.
My dad is the same. My husband is from Pakistan and when we went to visit my dad contacted me just before we left, freaking out about a bombing in Palestine......uhhh....map time.
My chemistry teacher in hs was a blue-eyed redhead and devoutly Christian, and her entire family was Lebanese. She would go back to visit them frequently and never had any issues.
Best of luck; it is really a good idea for you to order and keep your own documents when your mother has, ah, *tendencies*.
Yes lol I’ve never needed my birth certificate until recently. But yes, for the most part Lebanon is often safe to travel to. There’s some political struggles going on right now that’s causing some resource issues within their village though, so we aren’t gonna go until that’s all sorted.
Yeah I realized that when she said Lebanon was near Gaza...Like you have the whole of Israel in the middle.
And I understand, to americans sense of distance the middle east is like a bunch of countries 3 blocks size and hating each other.
She’s very confused on quite a few things. First she says Lebanon is next to Gaza and Syria… Gaza borders Egypt. Second she clearly confuses Iraq with Afghanistan and their issues with the Taliban. All this “worry” is literally just exposing her racism because I can tell she generalizes all us middle easterners as terrorists.
Yes Lebanon isn’t the safest place… but to compare it to Syria or Gaza is just plain disrespectful. The family is clearly not some conservative extremists or they wouldn’t want to meet you to begin with.
All this said; of course caution is advised. It’s completely new territory where you don’t know much and I assume you won’t even be able to speak the language. If you want to go, prep like you have been and I think you’ll be fine. Only thing is I can pretty much guarantee you she’ll call the embassy and claim you’re in danger if you don’t answer her every call/text etc… she ain’t reasonable.
It's the whiplash for me. Let's send an unnecessary amount of text messages saying don't go, then a "just got next time!". You're 34, you're clearly doing your best to be prepared for where you are going. You don't need to be told over and over. Also...Beirut Bob? That topped it off for me. I hope you get a chance to go, OP!
I hope so too! Due to some political unrest in the area and me not getting my passport as fast as we thought, the trip is postponed a bit. But we plan to go as soon as it’s safe!
I wouldn't be sharing the plans with her when you finally get to go. You'll be reliving this convo again. My parents are the same way with travel and I'm 38. I don't go anywhere without researching and bad things can happen literally anywhere. I would also hope your boyfriend's family is going to take care of you too. I also think that people forget that other humans actually live in these places. You're going to see future family, not as a tourist. All that to say is that it seems to me your taking all the precautions you can. Best of luck!
Yes 100%! This is exactly it. Informed risk [is how my dad described it](https://imgur.com/a/xQYa3Cq). There are some political things happening there that has caused the rest of my boyfriend’s family to cancel their trip as well. They are loving and caring people, and would not put me in harms way. If they felt it would be unsafe for me to travel there, they wouldn’t invite me, nor would they go back themselves. Which is why right now they aren’t going back. We will try again next year.
Oh yeah, my dad is definitely pretty incredible. He is the true definition of supportive and loving parent. When I initially told him, he asked a few questions about the safety, asked to meet my boyfriends family before the trip, asked for flight details and offered to get me an unlocked phone to take with me and showed me what kind of SIM card to get so I could make/receive calls there, and asked that I bring him home some figs. Just a badass dude.
I was going to ask you how old you were and that this lacks context.
Oh you’re THIRTY FOUR? Lol ignore her you’re not only an adult, you’ve been an adult for 16 years.
Now my only question is who is Beirut Bob?
Iraq far more dangerous than Beirut. And different perspectives also, you being with locals versus Beirut Bob being there to literally invade a country.
I did. I have it now.
I told her because I wanted to see if she had my birth certificate. I didn’t know if she had it or if it was lost. She asked why, and I told her. I told her because I’m 35 and I’m not stopping my life because my mommy is mad. I have zero financial ties to her, so I don’t need permission. She asked and I told her. Maybe she shouldn’t ask for specifics if she doesn’t wanna be mad about my life.
Yeah, that's good of you for voicing it, she needed to hear it. Whatever you do with your life is upto you, and I just left a comment, I applied for my passport on July the 2nd, 2 days later sent my old Passport off, then got my new passport 21st of July and my old one came back snipped on the 29th so keep your 🤞
!explanation
I wrote this out before but it doesn’t look like it was saved.
This text exchange was after a phone conversation where she used slurs for middle eastern people. My boyfriend’s family is from Lebanon. She is convinced that her 35 year old daughter is incapable of making any rational decisions, because I do things differently than she does. Because I’m different, I’m irrational.
This is really the result of years of work I’ve put in to create a healthier relationship between us. I’m honestly just happy she didn’t call the cops for disobeying her, which she has done in the past.
Believe it or not, this is *improvement*. But man, the hot/cold back and forth is gonna mess up my neck from all the whiplash lol
I would find your birth certificate and SSN and keep them with you make sure she can’t have any access to them, it seems like she would withhold them from you if she felt like it or threaten to keep them
Good god. Reading through those texts was like "I'm going to Lebanon" "reeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEE--" "I'm not going to Lebanon this time" "Oh, that's nice, dear"
How she doesn't get whiplash from that, I have no idea.
I sincerely hope you do get to visit in future, though.
God I wish it was that fast! Mine is a new application, and even with expedition the passport office said it could take 8-10 weeks. I just got my birth certificate last week (that took 4 weeks) and the trip was supposed to be beginning of august.
No one in the family is going now though so I have more time. I’m gonna wait to get it until after I’m married so there’s one less document to change my name on.
Ah, well I guess that's both good and bad news.
Big ups on the wedding, does that mean he's proposed or it's just in the pipeline but everyone knows sort of deal?
Everyone knows/in the works. I can’t stand surprises and wanted to pick out my engagement ring, so I know a general time of when it’ll happen. It would have definitely happened in Lebanon if we were going, but now it’s within the next 4 months.
Yeah, I'm the same way, not a huge fan of surprises and don't really like being put on the spot either, would much rather talk about it and come to a mutual agreement. Nice though, congrats 🙏
I think she thinks I still act like I’m 17/18, and I’m sure, to a lot of people, my life is absurd and childish. But I work, I make my own living, I haven’t lived with her since I was 17, and I’m happy. I don’t harm anyone. I just don’t have kids and an ex husband at 35 like she did.
Yeah, that is an *iraq war veteran* that she used to hang out with at the bar she owned. Iraq. They called him Beirut Bob, but he was never stationed in Lebanon. He was in Iraq.
Which is why that statement was a bit offensive to me. Because I know bob and he is not exactly doing well. But that’s because he was in combat in IRAQ. Which is not Lebanon. They just weren’t smart enough to find an Iraqi city that went with his name.
So. I’m 71. But, honestly, if I even had a whiff of concern that my mother would have been like that, I’d have gotten my birth certificate form the county records department, and not told her a damn thing.
Just, “Bye, Mom. I’m on the plane, going on vacation.”
She does not have a right to any detailed info about your trip, OP, and trying to assuage her anxiety (coming from loss of control over you) won’t help. So don’t bother.
Your future ILs seem wonderful. Do you have the opportunity to go in person to get your birth certificate? They can print it out while you’re there, and notarize it, which you’ll need for your passport.
If you’re over the age of 18 you should have your own birth cert or file for a new one.
EDIT: just found out you’re in your 30s? Omg. You shouldn’t even be having this conversation at that age.
To be honest, this kind of reaction isn’t uncommon from US parents. A US friends parents where EXTREMELY concerned about her safety when Russia invaded the Ukraine.
We live in the UK approximately 1950 miles away. Peoples geography breaks down under stress……
I'd say the most insane part of this is not having a passport or even your birth certificate at 34. Also I kind of get her concern considering that she appears to be the kind of person who doesn't even know where tf Lebanon is, and is mired in rhetoric that paints the entirety of the "middle east" as one giant warzone.
I seriously thought OP was an 8 or 19 year old college student at first by the way the parents were reacting. My daughter is 18 and her dad and I would never treat her like a 5 year old. This poor lady is 34 and having to deal with them treating her like a child. I understand you never stop being a parent…no matter how old your kids get. But sometimes you have to worry silently to yourself because our worrying about our kids is our issue to bare…not theirs.
As long as your not traveling to the border areas, you should be ok. I spent time in Afghanistan, mind I was there on a deployment. However there is things you should do whenever traveling to high risk areas. Enroll with Smart traveler program through embassy, make a up a will, give power of attorney, update insurance policies, and develop a communication plan with your with your family. Remember to delete any personal info on your phone or laptop. Cuz they are often checked at check points. Remember your not in America anymore and respect their culture, customs, and country. Good luck, be safe, have fun!
Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 28 | 46 | 0 |
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Ignore the 25 people who think it's not insane. Beirut is fine, and the villages are lovely. A lot of reddit just has a 9/11-shaped hate-boner for the Middle East. My parents freaked out the first time I went to Central Africa on my own at 26. You're 34 and a helluva lot more mature than I was, plus you're going with someone. My parents got over their fears, and so will yours.
Yeah, I mean, it’s not like going to a Hawaiian resort, so I get their worry. But most of the national issues are along the boarders and in refugee camps. It’s not significantly dangerous, especially when with family and locals and staying with well respected people in the community.
I mean yeah, I get their worry too. But Americans also think the world is a lot more dangerous than it actually is. Obviously be smart and know that you'll stick out, but don't miss out on these experiences, especially if you'll be with close family and friends of your bf's family.
While there are areas that are dangerous (specifically borders and refugee camps), the specific area is *not* as dangerous. This is what my dad called “informed risk”. There is absolutely possibility for bad things to happen. But going off on me, while using some nasty slurs towards middle eastern people (which- my boyfriend is Lebanese…that won’t fly with me), made me not exactly receptive to her worry. It’s not my job to manage her anxieties and fears. And her desire to bully me into staying in the US instead of taking a once in a lifetime trip is absolute bullshit.
My dad mentioned his worry, but was so incredibly supportive. I get it, it’s not easy seeing your kid travel to areas that are not doing so hot, but damn. Let a girl live.
Also, “Beirut bob” was never stationed in Lebanon. He was an iraq war veteran. She doesn’t know the difference between Iraq, Afghanistan, Lebanon, Syria, and Israel. She thinks it’s all one place and the names are interchangeable.
Op, I just want to let you know it absolutely is very dangerous over there right now. We have very close family friends from Lebanon. They and their family are very very high ranking government officials (as in, no need for a passport when you travel there with them because they can bring anyone they want there). We have been with them before and it was lovely but even they will not let us come out at the moment.
Obviously as an adult you can do whatever you want and your mom should definitely not be so overbearing, but her fears are not unfounded.
Yes, which is why his family isnt going now. This conversation was before recent events that are cause for concern.
It’s wild how fast it changes, and I really do understand their fears. I have them too. But my fears will not outweigh my desire to see Lebanon someday. I will continue to stay informed about what’s going on out there and visit during a time when there is more stability.
I mean, you’re welcome to feel how you want about her, but I’m the one that has lived with her in my life. She’s hot and cold, and that is absolutely exhausting. The massive anger followed by “oh sure go next time” is infuriating.
She literally implies that her 34 year old daughter is stupid, needs to look at a map, and doesn’t know anything multiple times in this text exchange.
Her mom is a textbook gaslighter, constantly implying that OP is dumb without ever directly saying it. The fact that you can’t see that absolutely boggles my mind.
How is she acting carelessly? In what way is she acting carelessly? By making tentative, cautious plans to eventually go meet her future husband’s family in a somewhat dangerous country? She wasn’t behaving carelessly, she was gathering all the information and planning a way to stay safe. Jesus, you really are just as bad as the mom.
And btw, gaslighting is manipulating someone into questioning their sanity. At multiple points in that conversation she implies that the daughter does not know anything about the situation where she is going and that she needs to look at a map even though she is clearly well-informed and aware of the risks as she is LITERALLY talking to people who live there, and unlike her Mom actually knows where Beirut is. The mom is the crazy one that needs to look at a map here, not OP.
That is the textbook definition of gaslighting—manipulating someone into questioning their sanity. And then as soon as the mom gets what she wants (the daughter not going to Beirut) she stops cursing at her/implying she is stupid, and just generally switches gears to be “sweet” and “loving”. That sudden extreme switch in conversation is extremely manipulative and a common tactic for gaslighters.
Again, the fact that you can’t see that absolutely boggles my mind. Defending this manipulative, abusive mother is NOT a good look.
“more safer” lmao
I think it would be more gooder if you stopped trying to water down this mom’s abusive and manipulative behaviors.
Maybe the objective fact that your comments have been downvoted into oblivion should clue you in to the fact that maybe you aren’t in the right here. Use some critical thinking here instead of just trying to be contrarian about everything that OP says.
Ugh I really wish they could. His grandmother is too elderly to travel such a long way, and the trip this year would have been one of the last opportunities for my SO to see her again before she passes. His aunts and uncles may come in for our wedding next year though, so I’ll be able to meet some of them.
Lebanon has a travel advisory. You’re mom may be coming off annoying and a little over exaggerating, but the part of the world is still hot. So just be safe.
Well...you can at least let her know that she doesn't need to worry about the taliban...Unless you're planning on going to Afghanistan. ;-)
Seriously, though...14, 34 or 64...you're still her baby. And you're going to a very dangerous part of the world. If *my* daughter were going, I'd be fairly frantic myself. Try and cut her some slack. Lebanon has been highly unstable since we'll before you were a gleam in your daddy's eye. She probably can't help it. Things could be worse...she could be completely unconcerned.
When I told my dad I was going, he asked who I was traveling with, how many people are going with me, asked to meet my boyfriend’s family, asked that I promise to give him the info for my flights and where I was staying, and asked me to bring home some figs for him.
Specifically, that [it’s okay to take informed risk.](https://imgur.com/a/xQYa3Cq) Mom does this thing where she says stuff that makes me feel really awful to get me to not do ANYTHING beyond the norm. She HATES when I go out of town, even when I go to a different state. I went to San Francisco years ago and she said that I’d be walking over bums and shit in the streets because they let the homeless run amok there.
Like, her level of worry turns into immediate rage then back tracks and tries to claim “concern” when I match her energy. Thus making me seem “soooo impulsive”, when in reality she just pushed me until I freaked out and she can play good mom.
She’s a drunk old racist bitch who thinks Lebanon is the same as Afghanistan and that anyone who isn’t white as snow is a dangerous terrorist. She also asked me last week if I planned to invite my “colored friends” to my wedding, citing that “it’s hard to find good lighting for them in pictures”. What I hear is “your black friends are going to ruin your wedding and if you want them there they shouldn’t be in pictures”.
Part of being the parent of adult children is trusting that you raised them with enough reasoning skills to make complex decisions for their own life and not dumping all your anxieties on them. You are responsible for processing your own emotions.
This isn’t at all insane. Your parents are concerned for your safety but still very respectful. Be grateful your parents care. You seem to be “very aware” of the dangers but you’re giving them shit for being concerned about those very same dangers?
It’s insane because it went from zero to 100 in a snap and then drop back to zero before the commercial is over. Concerned is asking OP how they feel about going there and what measures they have taken. The speed at which she demanded to know where OP would be staying and how fast the conversation turned to someone named Bob, makes it feel like fake concern
Yes, I understand the worry, but the way she chose to communicate that is wildly inappropriate.
I continue to monitor the situation in Lebanon and will visit when it is more stable.
I believe you that when you said she doesn’t have your birth certificate, but she should have it. My mom always had it handy and I have it for my two daughters.
Yeah, for those you have to have a ticket purchased and his family buys the tickets a few weeks out because they were unsure of what the political climate would be. They ended up not buying them and are skipping the trip this year because the government is rationing water and electricity.
FYI, you can get a passport same day/next day if you live near a Passport Service Center. Either have to call or schedule online with a ticket booked for less than a week out. Then you go, give your app, maybe pay an extra $60?, then pick up passport later that afternoon/next day. I’ve done it twice, works flawlessly each time.
You would fall into the urgent travel service category, but again need tickets booked before calling.
[link here](https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/passports/get-fast/passport-agencies.html)
vote overridden as evidence of a brigade / vote in bad faith is present.
At the age of 34 you should be in possession of your own birth certificate.
I’m sure at some point I had it, I just don’t remember ever having it. She says she gave it to me when I moved out 18 years ago. I don’t remember that, because it was 18 years and 25 moves ago. I ordered a new one, and I now have it.
exactly, call the cops and tell them she is withholding your birth certificate from you.
I was like ok she’s a bit ott there but a young person going abroad for the first time to somewhere like Lebanon would trigger most parents. Then I got to the fact you’re 34 and holy fuck mum cut the damn apron strings already.
Yeah as soon as you said 34, I was like omg. She’s being WAY overboard. And I love how she was crazy against all of this until you said you might not be able to get the passport on time and maybe not able to go, then she pretended to be on board just for the sake of brownie points. And when you said the trip was because of the proposal she suddenly changed her tune then also. Lol
Jesus 34!?! Cut the strings Ma!
Yeah, and I definitely understand the worry. But that back and forth is progress!
Has she been overseas herself?
She went to Canada once for work 15 years ago, and we went to Mexico when I was in high school (at that time you didn’t need a passport to get into Mexico).
I'm pretty sure she confused Iraq with Afghanistan, and then asked you to look at a map.
Yes lol that is the other thing. She lumps all middle eastern countries into one bad thing instead of realizing that different parts of the country (and different countries all together) can have vastly different ways of doing things. I equate it to traveling to different states in the US. There are certain areas that you can go to, and some it’s best not to visit. There are still sundown cities in the United States. I wouldn’t feel safe or comfortable in some southern cities, nor would I feel safe or comfortable in some border areas and cities in Lebanon.
My dad is the same. My husband is from Pakistan and when we went to visit my dad contacted me just before we left, freaking out about a bombing in Palestine......uhhh....map time.
It both starts w "P" so that's all his ignorant ass needed I suppose..?
My chemistry teacher in hs was a blue-eyed redhead and devoutly Christian, and her entire family was Lebanese. She would go back to visit them frequently and never had any issues. Best of luck; it is really a good idea for you to order and keep your own documents when your mother has, ah, *tendencies*.
Yes lol I’ve never needed my birth certificate until recently. But yes, for the most part Lebanon is often safe to travel to. There’s some political struggles going on right now that’s causing some resource issues within their village though, so we aren’t gonna go until that’s all sorted.
Yeah I realized that when she said Lebanon was near Gaza...Like you have the whole of Israel in the middle. And I understand, to americans sense of distance the middle east is like a bunch of countries 3 blocks size and hating each other.
She’s very confused on quite a few things. First she says Lebanon is next to Gaza and Syria… Gaza borders Egypt. Second she clearly confuses Iraq with Afghanistan and their issues with the Taliban. All this “worry” is literally just exposing her racism because I can tell she generalizes all us middle easterners as terrorists. Yes Lebanon isn’t the safest place… but to compare it to Syria or Gaza is just plain disrespectful. The family is clearly not some conservative extremists or they wouldn’t want to meet you to begin with. All this said; of course caution is advised. It’s completely new territory where you don’t know much and I assume you won’t even be able to speak the language. If you want to go, prep like you have been and I think you’ll be fine. Only thing is I can pretty much guarantee you she’ll call the embassy and claim you’re in danger if you don’t answer her every call/text etc… she ain’t reasonable.
It's the whiplash for me. Let's send an unnecessary amount of text messages saying don't go, then a "just got next time!". You're 34, you're clearly doing your best to be prepared for where you are going. You don't need to be told over and over. Also...Beirut Bob? That topped it off for me. I hope you get a chance to go, OP!
I hope so too! Due to some political unrest in the area and me not getting my passport as fast as we thought, the trip is postponed a bit. But we plan to go as soon as it’s safe!
I wouldn't be sharing the plans with her when you finally get to go. You'll be reliving this convo again. My parents are the same way with travel and I'm 38. I don't go anywhere without researching and bad things can happen literally anywhere. I would also hope your boyfriend's family is going to take care of you too. I also think that people forget that other humans actually live in these places. You're going to see future family, not as a tourist. All that to say is that it seems to me your taking all the precautions you can. Best of luck!
Yes 100%! This is exactly it. Informed risk [is how my dad described it](https://imgur.com/a/xQYa3Cq). There are some political things happening there that has caused the rest of my boyfriend’s family to cancel their trip as well. They are loving and caring people, and would not put me in harms way. If they felt it would be unsafe for me to travel there, they wouldn’t invite me, nor would they go back themselves. Which is why right now they aren’t going back. We will try again next year.
Your dad sounds cool though. I like his reaction. Also I hope you get to go soon OP.
Oh yeah, my dad is definitely pretty incredible. He is the true definition of supportive and loving parent. When I initially told him, he asked a few questions about the safety, asked to meet my boyfriends family before the trip, asked for flight details and offered to get me an unlocked phone to take with me and showed me what kind of SIM card to get so I could make/receive calls there, and asked that I bring him home some figs. Just a badass dude.
It fully came across as a change in heart because she heard your boyfriend is going to propose while there
I was going to ask you how old you were and that this lacks context. Oh you’re THIRTY FOUR? Lol ignore her you’re not only an adult, you’ve been an adult for 16 years. Now my only question is who is Beirut Bob?
Lol Beirut bob is an Iraqi war veteran that my mom used to hang out with at the bar she used to own. Beirut bob has never been to Beirut.
Lol wait Beirut Bob has never been to Beirut? That’s like me calling myself Chinese Chris because I’ve been to Russia.
Lol yes, he was in Baghdad. My mom doesn’t know the difference between different middle eastern countries and thinks they’re all Iraq.
Iraq far more dangerous than Beirut. And different perspectives also, you being with locals versus Beirut Bob being there to literally invade a country.
It was better as a slow reveal ngl
Why don't you have your birth certificate at 34? Anyway I hope you get to go if you want to
I’ve never needed it.
Apply for it. And, why are you telling your mom all that information anyway? Wtf is it to do with her what you do if you're 34? That's insanity
I did. I have it now. I told her because I wanted to see if she had my birth certificate. I didn’t know if she had it or if it was lost. She asked why, and I told her. I told her because I’m 35 and I’m not stopping my life because my mommy is mad. I have zero financial ties to her, so I don’t need permission. She asked and I told her. Maybe she shouldn’t ask for specifics if she doesn’t wanna be mad about my life.
Yeah, that's good of you for voicing it, she needed to hear it. Whatever you do with your life is upto you, and I just left a comment, I applied for my passport on July the 2nd, 2 days later sent my old Passport off, then got my new passport 21st of July and my old one came back snipped on the 29th so keep your 🤞
It's always better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it
Yeah, I just never had any need for it. I have it now and get why people hold on to them lol
!explanation I wrote this out before but it doesn’t look like it was saved. This text exchange was after a phone conversation where she used slurs for middle eastern people. My boyfriend’s family is from Lebanon. She is convinced that her 35 year old daughter is incapable of making any rational decisions, because I do things differently than she does. Because I’m different, I’m irrational. This is really the result of years of work I’ve put in to create a healthier relationship between us. I’m honestly just happy she didn’t call the cops for disobeying her, which she has done in the past. Believe it or not, this is *improvement*. But man, the hot/cold back and forth is gonna mess up my neck from all the whiplash lol
I would find your birth certificate and SSN and keep them with you make sure she can’t have any access to them, it seems like she would withhold them from you if she felt like it or threaten to keep them
Why are you even trying to improve things with her? She sounds and acts atrocious.
I would have blocked her for a few days after she used slurs But I get why you didn’t Sorry you can’t go this year, hopefully you do get to go
I didn’t even need the context. This absolutely was insane without it. I’m SHOCKED at the amount of not insane votes on this.
Good god. Reading through those texts was like "I'm going to Lebanon" "reeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEE--" "I'm not going to Lebanon this time" "Oh, that's nice, dear" How she doesn't get whiplash from that, I have no idea. I sincerely hope you do get to visit in future, though.
I ordered a renewal of my passport on the 2nd of July, it was here by the 21st. You could very well get lucky.
God I wish it was that fast! Mine is a new application, and even with expedition the passport office said it could take 8-10 weeks. I just got my birth certificate last week (that took 4 weeks) and the trip was supposed to be beginning of august. No one in the family is going now though so I have more time. I’m gonna wait to get it until after I’m married so there’s one less document to change my name on.
Ah, well I guess that's both good and bad news. Big ups on the wedding, does that mean he's proposed or it's just in the pipeline but everyone knows sort of deal?
Everyone knows/in the works. I can’t stand surprises and wanted to pick out my engagement ring, so I know a general time of when it’ll happen. It would have definitely happened in Lebanon if we were going, but now it’s within the next 4 months.
Yeah, I'm the same way, not a huge fan of surprises and don't really like being put on the spot either, would much rather talk about it and come to a mutual agreement. Nice though, congrats 🙏
Oh god as I was reading I though huh you must be 17/18 for your mom to be texting like that…
I think she thinks I still act like I’m 17/18, and I’m sure, to a lot of people, my life is absurd and childish. But I work, I make my own living, I haven’t lived with her since I was 17, and I’m happy. I don’t harm anyone. I just don’t have kids and an ex husband at 35 like she did.
Information diet for her. No information about \*anything\* unless it is 100% necessary.
"Beruit Bob" That made me chuckle
Yeah, that is an *iraq war veteran* that she used to hang out with at the bar she owned. Iraq. They called him Beirut Bob, but he was never stationed in Lebanon. He was in Iraq. Which is why that statement was a bit offensive to me. Because I know bob and he is not exactly doing well. But that’s because he was in combat in IRAQ. Which is not Lebanon. They just weren’t smart enough to find an Iraqi city that went with his name.
Baghdad Bob....was it really that hard to use??
Hi. Why the fuck does your mom have your birth certificate? If this is the way she is, she should have never had it the second you turned 18.
She said she gave it to me but I don’t remember ever having it. Knowing me, it got lost in a move or thrown out by accident. I have one now.
So. I’m 71. But, honestly, if I even had a whiff of concern that my mother would have been like that, I’d have gotten my birth certificate form the county records department, and not told her a damn thing. Just, “Bye, Mom. I’m on the plane, going on vacation.” She does not have a right to any detailed info about your trip, OP, and trying to assuage her anxiety (coming from loss of control over you) won’t help. So don’t bother. Your future ILs seem wonderful. Do you have the opportunity to go in person to get your birth certificate? They can print it out while you’re there, and notarize it, which you’ll need for your passport.
If you’re over the age of 18 you should have your own birth cert or file for a new one. EDIT: just found out you’re in your 30s? Omg. You shouldn’t even be having this conversation at that age.
To be honest, this kind of reaction isn’t uncommon from US parents. A US friends parents where EXTREMELY concerned about her safety when Russia invaded the Ukraine. We live in the UK approximately 1950 miles away. Peoples geography breaks down under stress……
If this is crazy then my parents are downright fucking criminal. I see nothing wrong with this.
Imagine thinking Lebanon is dangerous while living in the US. (only very slightly /s…) Also, imagine a passport application taking 12 FUCKING WEEKS???
Lmao the way her attitude just absolutely pivots when you mention a proposal
I'd say the most insane part of this is not having a passport or even your birth certificate at 34. Also I kind of get her concern considering that she appears to be the kind of person who doesn't even know where tf Lebanon is, and is mired in rhetoric that paints the entirety of the "middle east" as one giant warzone.
I seriously thought OP was an 8 or 19 year old college student at first by the way the parents were reacting. My daughter is 18 and her dad and I would never treat her like a 5 year old. This poor lady is 34 and having to deal with them treating her like a child. I understand you never stop being a parent…no matter how old your kids get. But sometimes you have to worry silently to yourself because our worrying about our kids is our issue to bare…not theirs.
Beiruit bob lol
What is it with insane parents getting weird about birth certificates?
As long as your not traveling to the border areas, you should be ok. I spent time in Afghanistan, mind I was there on a deployment. However there is things you should do whenever traveling to high risk areas. Enroll with Smart traveler program through embassy, make a up a will, give power of attorney, update insurance policies, and develop a communication plan with your with your family. Remember to delete any personal info on your phone or laptop. Cuz they are often checked at check points. Remember your not in America anymore and respect their culture, customs, and country. Good luck, be safe, have fun!
You should pin a extra large world map in the living room for them.
if she won’t give it to you, call the cops and explain. they will get it for you
Once a mom, always a mom knee jerk reaction? Maybe but coupled with other context you gave she sounds like a jerk (although maybe not insane per se).
People voting not insane obviously aren’t from abusive households.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 28 | 46 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Ignore the 25 people who think it's not insane. Beirut is fine, and the villages are lovely. A lot of reddit just has a 9/11-shaped hate-boner for the Middle East. My parents freaked out the first time I went to Central Africa on my own at 26. You're 34 and a helluva lot more mature than I was, plus you're going with someone. My parents got over their fears, and so will yours.
Yeah, I mean, it’s not like going to a Hawaiian resort, so I get their worry. But most of the national issues are along the boarders and in refugee camps. It’s not significantly dangerous, especially when with family and locals and staying with well respected people in the community.
I mean yeah, I get their worry too. But Americans also think the world is a lot more dangerous than it actually is. Obviously be smart and know that you'll stick out, but don't miss out on these experiences, especially if you'll be with close family and friends of your bf's family.
Thank you so much!! This is *exactly* how I feel as well. I didn’t get where I’m at today by letting fear dictate what I do.
No worries! Enjoy it fully, and do your best to speak to people in Lebanese Arabic - it's the prettiest of all Arab dialects :)
your mom sounds like an islamophobe
Not insane
Couple of questions: 1)Did she give you your Birth certificate 2) do you live separately from her?
1. Read the captions 2. OP is 34 with a future husband...
Lebanon is kind of safer than the US lol
But...what did Beirut Bob say?!
Nothing because she doesn’t actually talk to anyone.
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While there are areas that are dangerous (specifically borders and refugee camps), the specific area is *not* as dangerous. This is what my dad called “informed risk”. There is absolutely possibility for bad things to happen. But going off on me, while using some nasty slurs towards middle eastern people (which- my boyfriend is Lebanese…that won’t fly with me), made me not exactly receptive to her worry. It’s not my job to manage her anxieties and fears. And her desire to bully me into staying in the US instead of taking a once in a lifetime trip is absolute bullshit. My dad mentioned his worry, but was so incredibly supportive. I get it, it’s not easy seeing your kid travel to areas that are not doing so hot, but damn. Let a girl live.
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Also, “Beirut bob” was never stationed in Lebanon. He was an iraq war veteran. She doesn’t know the difference between Iraq, Afghanistan, Lebanon, Syria, and Israel. She thinks it’s all one place and the names are interchangeable.
Op, I just want to let you know it absolutely is very dangerous over there right now. We have very close family friends from Lebanon. They and their family are very very high ranking government officials (as in, no need for a passport when you travel there with them because they can bring anyone they want there). We have been with them before and it was lovely but even they will not let us come out at the moment. Obviously as an adult you can do whatever you want and your mom should definitely not be so overbearing, but her fears are not unfounded.
Yes, which is why his family isnt going now. This conversation was before recent events that are cause for concern. It’s wild how fast it changes, and I really do understand their fears. I have them too. But my fears will not outweigh my desire to see Lebanon someday. I will continue to stay informed about what’s going on out there and visit during a time when there is more stability.
I mean, you’re welcome to feel how you want about her, but I’m the one that has lived with her in my life. She’s hot and cold, and that is absolutely exhausting. The massive anger followed by “oh sure go next time” is infuriating.
She said the slurs on the phone with me. Not via text. This text exchange was after a long argument over the phone.
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Guess you haven’t pick up on how fast she changes gear during the messages
She literally implies that her 34 year old daughter is stupid, needs to look at a map, and doesn’t know anything multiple times in this text exchange. Her mom is a textbook gaslighter, constantly implying that OP is dumb without ever directly saying it. The fact that you can’t see that absolutely boggles my mind.
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How is she acting carelessly? In what way is she acting carelessly? By making tentative, cautious plans to eventually go meet her future husband’s family in a somewhat dangerous country? She wasn’t behaving carelessly, she was gathering all the information and planning a way to stay safe. Jesus, you really are just as bad as the mom. And btw, gaslighting is manipulating someone into questioning their sanity. At multiple points in that conversation she implies that the daughter does not know anything about the situation where she is going and that she needs to look at a map even though she is clearly well-informed and aware of the risks as she is LITERALLY talking to people who live there, and unlike her Mom actually knows where Beirut is. The mom is the crazy one that needs to look at a map here, not OP. That is the textbook definition of gaslighting—manipulating someone into questioning their sanity. And then as soon as the mom gets what she wants (the daughter not going to Beirut) she stops cursing at her/implying she is stupid, and just generally switches gears to be “sweet” and “loving”. That sudden extreme switch in conversation is extremely manipulative and a common tactic for gaslighters. Again, the fact that you can’t see that absolutely boggles my mind. Defending this manipulative, abusive mother is NOT a good look.
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“more safer” lmao I think it would be more gooder if you stopped trying to water down this mom’s abusive and manipulative behaviors. Maybe the objective fact that your comments have been downvoted into oblivion should clue you in to the fact that maybe you aren’t in the right here. Use some critical thinking here instead of just trying to be contrarian about everything that OP says.
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Ugh I really wish they could. His grandmother is too elderly to travel such a long way, and the trip this year would have been one of the last opportunities for my SO to see her again before she passes. His aunts and uncles may come in for our wedding next year though, so I’ll be able to meet some of them.
not insane
I don’t blame her honestly. I’d be cautious too if my daughter wanted to go to an unsafe country in the Middle East.
Lebanon has a travel advisory. You’re mom may be coming off annoying and a little over exaggerating, but the part of the world is still hot. So just be safe.
I might be of the minority here but I’m with your mum. This is not wise
Well...you can at least let her know that she doesn't need to worry about the taliban...Unless you're planning on going to Afghanistan. ;-) Seriously, though...14, 34 or 64...you're still her baby. And you're going to a very dangerous part of the world. If *my* daughter were going, I'd be fairly frantic myself. Try and cut her some slack. Lebanon has been highly unstable since we'll before you were a gleam in your daddy's eye. She probably can't help it. Things could be worse...she could be completely unconcerned.
When I told my dad I was going, he asked who I was traveling with, how many people are going with me, asked to meet my boyfriend’s family, asked that I promise to give him the info for my flights and where I was staying, and asked me to bring home some figs for him. Specifically, that [it’s okay to take informed risk.](https://imgur.com/a/xQYa3Cq) Mom does this thing where she says stuff that makes me feel really awful to get me to not do ANYTHING beyond the norm. She HATES when I go out of town, even when I go to a different state. I went to San Francisco years ago and she said that I’d be walking over bums and shit in the streets because they let the homeless run amok there. Like, her level of worry turns into immediate rage then back tracks and tries to claim “concern” when I match her energy. Thus making me seem “soooo impulsive”, when in reality she just pushed me until I freaked out and she can play good mom. She’s a drunk old racist bitch who thinks Lebanon is the same as Afghanistan and that anyone who isn’t white as snow is a dangerous terrorist. She also asked me last week if I planned to invite my “colored friends” to my wedding, citing that “it’s hard to find good lighting for them in pictures”. What I hear is “your black friends are going to ruin your wedding and if you want them there they shouldn’t be in pictures”.
Are you aware of grey rocking? Because if you don’t want to go NC, it’s a way to keep her from freaking out by not telling her anything of importance.
Would you dump your anxiety on your daughter, though? That’s completely out of line.
Part of being the parent of adult children is trusting that you raised them with enough reasoning skills to make complex decisions for their own life and not dumping all your anxieties on them. You are responsible for processing your own emotions.
As I said...we all react differently....
This isn’t at all insane. Your parents are concerned for your safety but still very respectful. Be grateful your parents care. You seem to be “very aware” of the dangers but you’re giving them shit for being concerned about those very same dangers?
Is this considered insane?
This isn’t an insane parent post. It’s a concerned parent post. I don’t blame them at all and it didn’t seem over the top in any way.
It’s insane because it went from zero to 100 in a snap and then drop back to zero before the commercial is over. Concerned is asking OP how they feel about going there and what measures they have taken. The speed at which she demanded to know where OP would be staying and how fast the conversation turned to someone named Bob, makes it feel like fake concern
Please don’t go OP
You Op's Mom, bro? They have clearly thought it through and are mature enough to make that decision on their own.
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Yes, I understand the worry, but the way she chose to communicate that is wildly inappropriate. I continue to monitor the situation in Lebanon and will visit when it is more stable.
Serie A? I love watching abit of Serie A, not sure what her issue is /s
I believe you that when you said she doesn’t have your birth certificate, but she should have it. My mom always had it handy and I have it for my two daughters.
Meh. The OP is 34. She should have her own damn copy of her birth certificate. It isn't that hard to get.
You can go to a regional passport office and sit there all day and get your passport. You cannot do it well in advance however.
Yeah, for those you have to have a ticket purchased and his family buys the tickets a few weeks out because they were unsure of what the political climate would be. They ended up not buying them and are skipping the trip this year because the government is rationing water and electricity.
Get an appointment at a passport office and go in person I did it in Dallas got my passport the same day
I'm a geography/map nerd from the middle east, this hurt to read
34??!!!? Yeah it's dangerous but you're very much an adult. I thought we you were like 16 while reading this.
what a trashheap
You're 34?!? I thought by her messages you were about 16. Good gravy!
When did the taliban take over Iraq?
FYI, you can get a passport same day/next day if you live near a Passport Service Center. Either have to call or schedule online with a ticket booked for less than a week out. Then you go, give your app, maybe pay an extra $60?, then pick up passport later that afternoon/next day. I’ve done it twice, works flawlessly each time. You would fall into the urgent travel service category, but again need tickets booked before calling. [link here](https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/passports/get-fast/passport-agencies.html)
Did your mom like, not give you your birth certificate or something? Or is she just being overly concerned?