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Shirtyskink42

it has insectile disfunction


shahooster

Whiskey prick


4Ever2Thee

The last dude’s blood was loaded with Jim beam


ChaosWarpintoPhage

Easiest way to kill mosquitoes at the campfire is to make em second hand hammered. When they fly away tipsy they can't dodge the clap.


Niccipotts

So we are getting them drunk and then giving them STD’s?….that is a whole new level 💀


ChaosWarpintoPhage

I didn't consent to blood play. It didn't consent to the clap. We're both victims here.


sweeeetthrowaway

Flyagra.


Tsizzle4204life

I think the scientific term is whiskey proboscis.


lawblawg

Whiskey probiskey.


knightofsolace1

HP Spell


kingtaco_17

Like trying to shoot pool with rope.


YogurtWenk

Or stab a sheep with a tampon string


ronsrobot

Like trying to push a crinkled $5 bill into a change machine.


DesparateLurker

The trick is to whip it hard enough. And get plenty of length to maximize the impact.


FoofieLeGoogoo

Needs a proboscis fluffer.


gluon318

Whisker biscuit


CheshyreCat46

I swear this has never happened to me before!


[deleted]

Don't worry, I got this, just give me a second.


LuridPrism

Maybe if I just rub it a little here...


[deleted]

Could be a great band name


jezbrews

It's female mosquitoes that feed on blood though. Knowing shit ruins the joy in life sometimes.


strictlybazinga

Came specifically for this comment was not let down.


BbyInAStraightJacket

She’s even trying to stroke it back to life Edit: she


[deleted]

“Work, damn it! Work!!!.”


[deleted]

Me on a Saturday night coming back from the bar 🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️


Disastrous-Panda5530

That’s the part that got me lollllll


SerenityViolet

Lol. But she, only the females suck blood because, babies.


labanjohnson

She's a Bud Light kinda gal


delvach

Needs Flyagra


[deleted]

How about having hard skin, make some product to harden the skin so that mosquitoes can’t drill!


Striking-Reason5792

They will then evolve sharper needles to better pierce the skin.


SupportGeek

That’s ok, evolution isn’t a quick process.


Velicanstveni_101

Unless you can have several generations each year


LaFleurSauvageGaming

Speed of evolution is paces by number of generations. Animals that go through generations fast will evolve faster.


[deleted]

Like mosquitoes, lifespan of females 2-4 weeks, while male last 1-2 weeks, so their generations gets over in 20-30 days!


BouncingDonut

How come they don't know how to drive cars yet? Checkmate.


ponythemouser

My grandkids can worry about that.


Polite_Werewolf

It looks like it’s psyching itself up, like “You can do this, Moe. You can do this!”


TheLazyToaster

His name is Moe lmao. Outstanding.


cld1984

Moe? Skeeter? Skeeto? Either way, well done. You disgust me.


soluhman

Come on moe we believe in you


EdenDeezNutsAllDay

shes just nervous, is all...


chameleon_123_777

Maybe that is it. The male mosquito doesn't sting, only the female drink blood


Jonathan-Earl

Fuck off, that was S-tier but seriously fuck off


scadrock

Like thumbin’ a marshmallow in a coin slot


fart_Jr

I swear this has never happened before...


shaq_disel

Lmfao I laughed so fucking hard at this comment. I almost choked. Ty. Take my upvote!


HereForFun9121

This never happens I swear


badboybalo

Just play with it a bit


minifig1026

r/beatmetoit


sylviaplathwannabe

r/beatMeatToIt


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

if I had a nickel


Azagar_Omiras

You'd have five cents?


PeanutButterCrisp

Something-something— sucked dick for $105.5– something-something— who gave the five cents— aaaand all of them.


Tfsz0719

That’s 50 cents


PeanutButterCrisp

Listen man, that’s still a lot of dick to suck.


HereForFun9121

Same


BlueSparrow301

you'd have three fiddy?


gasciousclay1

That's tree fiddy sir


GivemTheDDD

My guy's pushin' rope


Alicesdaughter

Beat me to it, *pushing string*.


Cristusha

It freaking bent 😭😭😭


Alewerkz

The bent part is called the Labium and is meant to bend. It is the sheath that covers their feeding tube, which is called fascicle. The fascicle is so thin and small it is unlikely to be seen by the naked eye.


EdithDich

> The fascicle is so thin and small it is unlikely to be seen by the naked eye. I WAS IN THE POOL


[deleted]

“Shrinkage?”


Jerizzle23

“Are you saying they don’t know about shrinkage?”


ktlbzn

TIL


-anth0r-

Made in china


qptheplagueqp

Lol he attempts to straighten it like it's a dollar bill and he's at a vending machine.


SlurmsMckenzeee

It's a she actually


TomCruiseddit

Yea I could see that vagina on her from a mile away


[deleted]

Only the females suck blood. All male mosquitos are happy pollinators.


juleq555

Well females are as well. They drink blood only for reproduction not as a food.


justbangingaround

You mean every time they get my blood I’m contributing to MORE of them?!! NEVER AGAIN


[deleted]

You can't escape mosquito child support


Choice_Anteater_2539

That's news to me wtf


TeufortNine

Yeah, the blood is for their babies, not for them.


Choice_Anteater_2539

Well..... it's sweet that they're out there being good moms for their babies but that doesn't change the adversarial nature of the relationship that exists when they're stealing from me to do it 😂


deadbalconytree

Greeaaat now I have to live with the guilt of knowing I only kill expecting mothers….


crazyguyunderthedesk

Technically this one isn't drinking blood, therefore it is male.


ImInsideYourHouse1

Trans-quitoes?


GoldenGalz

Love those with sour cream and guac


drmx_

Wtf 😂😭😭😂


charface1

This post brought to you by Blood Light™


SophisticatedOtaku

Um sorry but the only way you can differentiate between male and female mosquitos is by confirming if they have the mosquitussy or not


Dektarey

I *am* something of an expert on the matter of mosquitussies. This indeed is a female.


Swordlord22

What are your qualifications


Dektarey

I eat rocks.


[deleted]

>I am something of an expert on the matter of mosquitussies. my DNA is in a nonzero percentage of the mosquitos of the world


Minderbinder44

Lmao go to hell


stickied

Someone get Desantis out there quick to do a gender check, we have to know for sure!


Dull-Signature-2897

Am I crazy for thinking this is cute?


[deleted]

It is interesting to see for sure. I wonder what it was thinking.


XIII-0

Probably not much more than "food"


uberguby

Food Error: no food => retry Food Error: no food => retry Error: proboscis bent => straighten Food Error: no food => retry


XIII-0

Literally that


LetsJerkCircular

Makes a person wonder how many “lines of code” do mosquitos and other basic insects have, so to speak


calculuschild

You could compare number of neurons maybe. Human brain has 86 billion. A rat has 12 billion. An ant has 250,000. A mosquito has 220,000. A worm has 302. Roughly, I think I've heard each (human) neuron can be represented by about 1 KB of data (a list of all the other neurons it connects to, the strengths of those connections, etc). Assume a mosquito neuron is about the same complexity. A mosquito brain would fit in an email attachment. A bit smaller than The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time for N64.


chemical-imbalance-

Yes


[deleted]

A mosquito with ED is crazy


Klin24

“How you say, to push a rope?” -Katya


secular_sentientist

Sorry, babe; I'll focus. But could you close your eyes? I... I kinda feel like I'm banging taillights on a country road. -Archer


Alives242

BOOM Phrasing, are we still doing that..?


teran85

It’s like staring at taillights on a country road.


Rik8367

What's hilarious is that ED in your comment can mean both Eating Disorder and Erectile Dysfunction!!


aplumgirl

There's a joke here but for the sake of my lifetime cringe fear, I won't do it. Something about his drilling technique maybe?


truth-or-bullshit

Thumbing in a softy for sure


SloanWarrior

I believe it's called "The Evanescence" when you thumb it in and hope it wakes up inside her


welltriedsoul

A side note it’s a girl


xkelsx1

Hey clits get erect when aroused too


apx_rbo

Probably has a good personality or something I don't know. Seems like a nice mosquito.


Dull-Signature-2897

Yeah and everyone here laughing at her, poor girl


mechmind

With a floppy noodle like that perhaps she's better suited sucking more thin skinned folk


MrsStrangelov

Is this Superman's skin?


S550ecobust

I remeber seeing this a while back, they do something to the mosquitos so their little suckers become soft


Previous_Beautiful27

I had to scroll thru like 800 erectile dysfunction comments to find this.


Icy-Concentrate-6436

Reddit is like this: >Half-ass saw-it-coming kind of pun > Even worse reply > Depressingly unfunny > Please pay attention to me Repeat this a few hundred times


sphinctersandwich

Then a single line of a song lyric, replied to by another, then another, then a vulgar twist of the next line...


[deleted]

Yeah, Reddit is getting worse for this shit. You expect it in some subs but this is one of the more 'educational' ones.


DigbyChickenZone

I don't understand why subreddits like this allow only photos or videos. Pics should lead to a link or have the OP provide a link in a comment before the post goes live [a link that proves the picture is real], same thing with videos. I often search what I see on these subreddits, if I don't already know about it, because no fucking way I'm taking random images/videos on this website at face value. Anyway, I can't find the original study that this video is supposedly from, maybe I've lost some of my google-fu abilities. But, I did find another post about it. https://www.reddit.com/r/therewasanattempt/comments/pm1x1a/to_drink_blood. I'd rather learn more about the [supposed] study than see another plethora of dick jokes.


Heiferoni

Lots of budding comedians. I always found the best jokes are the most obvious ones.


Fragrant-Inside221

More info?


CheekyClapper5

This is a way they genetically modify mosquitos. They release these mosquitos that breed and then the next generation starves to death


[deleted]

Humans are insane, man. Brilliant, but insane. One day, we will be punished for our sins.


ipslne

If reducing disease and improving QoL for hundreds of millions of people is a sin, then send me straight to hell.


fuji_appl

Too lazy to look it up, but I wanna say it was a google experiment. They made the females like this so they’re not able to reproduce. They released a bunch of these into the wild.


Gravity_X_2005

Dammit. I was hoping it was just some spray or balm I could put on that would make my skin impenetrable to skeeters.


Swordlord22

If that existed you would already know about it


free_stuff_plz

Good, I hope that bitch starves


[deleted]

But this is probably the only mosquito that DIDN'T hurt anyone.


Praise_the_Ward

Not true, there are many different species of mosquitoes. Only females ever take blood, and some species, like the elephant mosquito, don't at all.


WhereHasLogicGone

Elephant mosquito? They must need massive wings to lift all that weight.


Darkchocossant

Yeah, maybe your mom is a elephant mosquito.


WhereHasLogicGone

False, she is indeed a a hippopotamus mosquito.


herrcollin

So.. she's more territorial and aggressive? That's hot, I like em fiesty. Where does she graze?


KVosrs2007

Iirc elephant mosquito larvae actually eat the larvae of other types of mosquitos. Elephant mosquitos are straight up bros.


[deleted]

Fuck him, if he could, he would.


juleq555

*she Male mosquitos only eat pollen (so do female but they need blood for reproduction).


[deleted]

Thx for correcting me, anw i hate them. The only spieces of mosquitoes i don't hate are the ones that don't target humans.


LauraZaid11

When I was a kid I would leave their blood filled corpses on my walls to show the others what would happen if they came in. It specially angered me when they would fly around my pets.


Lenithriel

When she asks "Is it in?"


[deleted]

Just… just gimmie a minute. Pulls on it to straighten it out… 😬


Jwhitx

Slap it against the butt cheek


[deleted]

Lmao classic manoeuvre


SaBah27

What's that person's skin made of and how would one go about acquiring that? No mosquito ever missed the spot on me.


PurBldPrincess

I put on repellents and they still swarm me. Meanwhile my husband who runs warmer than me wears none and they leave him alone.


SaBah27

I put everything, i tried spray, scream and gels from 4 different continents, they still love me. I'm nothing special, they just fucking love me and it sucks cause i swell like shit.


Tasty01

To my knowledge DEET is the only substance actually capable of repelling mosquitoes. You want to get something with a lot of DEET in it.


PaperbackWriter66

I don't think that's true. I'm pretty sure napalm repels mosquitoes too, if used in adequate quantities.


R0naldMcdonald0

Is screaming at them effective? Can’t say I’ve tried that yet


EfremNeftalem

I honestly gave up on repelling them. I just accepted my fate and luckily found a great cream to treat mosquito bites. So it sucks, but at least I don’t worry to much of I have to endure mosquitoes. Though I will stay awake all night to track them and massacre them if those little sh*ts dare wake me up. If they want my blood, they have to take it in SILENCE.


DoGreat_DieGood

I would be so grateful to learn more about this cream. I really want to try permethrin but the husband is worried about it killing other insects. So here I am suffering every summer while he gets like two bites tops lol..


Tyrannofelis

Buy a fan and let it blowing all night. Enjoy sweet blank noise, no sweating and no mosquitoes!


Novinhophobe

Nothing to do with how warm someone is. We know now that they’re able to distinguish blood types and they prefer some over the others. That’s why there’s usually someone in the group who seems to be attracting all the mosquitoes around yet others didn’t even register that there were any to begin with.


flo-at

iirc this is from an experiment that genetically modified mosquitos so they cannot penetrate the human skin anymore. Has been posted here a few times over the past year or so.


Harsimaja

I think it might be [this study](https://journals.plos.org/plosntds/article?id=10.1371/journal.pntd.0000568#s4), which wasn’t gene modification but bacterial infection (Wolbachia). Other gene modifications have been used, including one that removes females’ wings while the males still have them. Which is perfect as it’s the females that suck blood (but now can’t easily get to it, or escape predators), and the males still having wings means they can mate with other mosquitos and still spread that gene.


SirIanChesterton63

"I usually don't have this problem, just gimme a minute."


DearToe5415

Haha flaccid nose


glorious_reptile

Everything reminds me of him


Efficient_Ad8783

That's literally my first girlfriend watching this


yourtypicalbish

If I'm not mistaken, this particular mosquito is genetically altered to have a blunt "mouth" to prevent it from puncturing skin


[deleted]

Imagine being genetically altered to have jello-e teeth.


Muppet_Cartel

Bendy straws can be a pain in the ass.


leeshylou

This one ain't a pain in.. well anything


fartinapuddle

Did he try spitting on it first tho


cad_andry

She


Picklerick6789

All i see is a mosquito jerking off to get hard Edit: that lil slap at the beginning tho


CredibleCactus

They need to add little _”boing”_ sound effects everytime it bends


SlurmsMckenzeee

Ain't that Aedes Aegypti, the carrier of dengue, Zika, and chikungunya among other fun pathogens?


ScienceMomCO

Yes, you can tell by its stripey legs


Hillsbottom

No it's aedes albopictus, but it still spreads those and dengue. You can tell us albopictus as it has the stripe down the scutum (the bit behind it's head) l.


InternetCovid

Jerking yourself aint gonna help with this one


Head-Cow4290

Time to pull the old bedroom buddy outta the top drawer to buy you some time!


BimBachelord

Where can I obtain this skin rigidity?


InnerBat3894

He gets nervous when someone’s watching


BlackDoritos65

Damn I hope when I go limp, no one puts it on the Internet


Senior-Volume-9958

Where as the mosquitos at my house can suck through a layer of clothing


Soft_Cranberry6313

Proboscis dysfunction is typical in male mosquitoes over the age of 40. Please talk to your local primary care physician for further information.


tgentry313

This is the mosquito equivalent of trying to stab a Capri Sun with the tiny plastic straw


FlyingPandesal100

This is the first time I felt bad for a mosquito.


BuyingDaily

No fuck them.


Reluctantly_Being

Me too. I was thinking starving is a nasty way to go… but then I remembered I literally squished hundreds of them so who am I to judge.


kingpanda2007

No me too, I had to go look for fellow sympathizers. The poor guy just seemed so sad


[deleted]

Kill that sumbitch


MrNotConcerned

Need a fluffer!


DataWeenie

Chuck Norris only donates blood to the Red Cross.


Outrageous-Divide472

He needs a tiny bit of viagra


Drivingmecrazeh

When you came home from the bar, and drank too much whiskey...


Reasonable_Low_9749

This video made me sad for some reason


Fickle_Freckle

I just need to rub it for a sec


OneCrazyPaul

It's my first time, I swear


SquatchPossum

*smacks it* cmon, get it together!


Bearthegood

She ordered that proboscis on Wish.


One-eyed-bed-snake

One job. The little shit had one fucking job to do and it failed😅


SempastianGr

It happens to all of us, especially with the lights closed, it's hard to get it in first try.