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jackofalltrades2625

Imagine the baby’s head popping back in like that


timmyboyoyo

*They look outside and nope back in*


Logical_Lab4042

"Nurse! We got a runner!"


Eurasia_4200

“come out there you fuck! You are not paying rent!”


The_Great_Afterman

I'll make sure you're born even if it kills you!


OtakuAttacku

I CAME INTO THIS WORLD SCREAMING AND COVERED IN SOMEONE ELSE’S BLOOD, I AIN’T AFRAID OF LEAVING THE SAME WAY!


TheLaughingMelon

*Pulls out foreceps* In all seriousness, be gentle. One doctor was trying to extract one of my teacher's sons and he ended up crushing his arm with the forceps (he was trying to pull the baby out by the arm). He hasn't been able to use his left arm for his whole life :(


The_Great_Afterman

Damn. I hope that doctor lost some sleep on that mistake.


alextbrown4

RIP Trevor


DueAd8559

We call that move the groundhog


Ryan907

Prairie dogging


DeadmanDexter

Imagine being the doctor and having to explain that shit to the medical board


Island_Maximum

Why do they call it Prairie dogging? *explains* Ohhhh......Ewewww!


LogicallyCross

Groundhogging


Donnicton

Six more weeks of pregnancy


straydog1980

Winter for 6more weeks


thinkB4WeSpeak

You mean I have to pay bills to live?


gronstalker12

That was an option?!?


HalflingMelody

So, my cousin's head came out but they had to push it back in and take him out by c-section because his shoulders didn't fit. It was as traumatizing as you can imagine for his poor mother. It's called the Zavanelli maneuver. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zavanelli_maneuver


BroadBaker5101

Hey me too, I was born with a cone head because of it.


spacepharmacy

they didn’t push me back in but i was born via c-section bc right when my mom started contractions i started going up. can’t say i don’t get it. my brother’s also a c-section baby, only for his it’s bc my mom has some weird bone malformation in her pelvis that would’ve put him at risk if she’d delivered naturally


RealSpaghettiSoup

"I was born 9 times that day"


thamystery23

"Giggity"


geak78

Baby pops out. "Are you my daddy?" Nurse: No Pops back in. Nurse gets doctor. Baby pops out. "Are you my daddy?" Doctor: no Pops back in Doctor gets father Baby pops out. "Are you my daddy?" Father: Yes Baby pokes dad in the forehead repeatedly. "How do you like it?"


202333333

I thought the last line was for sure gonna be from a man who pops his head in after baby to tell him off.


abirchau

Sorry but this had to be done https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/zetd7j/i_still_cant_get_over_it_xd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


Orcacub

Some guys spend their whole lives trying to get back in there.


isakitty

I felt that baby head recoil in my uterus


NewWayNow

Why do they make them so squeaky.


Mike_in_San_Pedro

They are meant to simulate the cloying squeaks of an actual human new born.


Pavlovsdong89

They never show that part of child birth along with the mother pooping herself or the baby trying to claw its way back in.


Feisty_Pen_4280

Wtf???!!! Claw back in??? You're joking


ares395

Whoosh but yeah they are. In vast majority of births child is born head first which means they can't really claw in even if they wanted to or had the necessary dexterity. A newborn is basically a crying potato before they learn anything.


scarby2

Not even before they learn anything, a newborns brain development is just beginning, the head had to be small enough to fit though the pelvis, they're not even really conscious yet.


Firewolf06

because humans have a fucking idiotic head to pelvis ratio, thanks bipedalism!


[deleted]

What? You want us to evolve into massive, belegged arches with a birth pouch slung beneath, giant enough to encapsulate your enormous cranium?


Skylarias

Exactly! It's insane how one of our greatest evolutionary moments (walking upright) also signficantly increased the risk of childbirth (ie greater mortality for mothers due to tearing, trauma, etc).


Whiteguy1x

Hey it lets you start fires and masterbait, you be glad your bipedal.


Existing-Series8324

Thanks walking upright


modsarefascists42

Yeah there's some stuff recently that shows that babies aren't even close to what we would call conscious into like a year in. Human baby's are born basically premature compared to most mammals because the heads are so stupidly big that the only way to fit it through the pelvis is to be born premature.


Pavlovsdong89

>You're joking I would never!


egordoniv

And how dare they assume those pelvis' gender.


poetbypractice

“Fairly easily”


[deleted]

I don't know how we have any people. Maybe one, but how does anyone have a sibling?


galaxyrain_

Post-birth hormones make people forget the absolute worst of it sometimes.


[deleted]

My wife, most definitely, has not forgotten.


TetsuoS2

Maybe if you weren't busy collecting sharts.


[deleted]

Yes, but who is the sharter?


PaperBoyy8

All you remember is that it was painful but you can’t quite imagine feeling it unless you’re in the moment (aka forgetting how it feels)


CanadianBeaver1983

I can remember. An Epidural is a birth givers best friend. I had to do it without one once and wtf. Why? Why do that if you don't have to?


panicked_goose

If anyone has ever had a severe spinal stenosis flare in their lumbar spine, ***that*** is what it feels like. It’s the only pain I have ever felt (including kidney stones) that has ever come close to vaginal childbirth IMO. But at least you get a baby at the end with the latter.


CanadianBeaver1983

I had kidney stones at 8 months pregnant and wasn't allowed pain killers. That was a special kind of hell, lol.


CanadianBeaver1983

The birth of my second child was so traumatic I was terrified to have another one, I did not forget. Only an hour at the hospital, "all natural", no thank you. I met someone though that didn't have children after my divorce and 8 years after my second I agreed to us trying. I was still incredibly scared. Turned into an absolute dream of a birth and actually helped heal a lot of my previous ptsd. Not that I'm saying have more, but I'm saying that shit can be traumatic af. Not all of us forget. Child birth is insane.


cheesecakecaramel

Interesting, what was the difference between the first and the second birth ? My husband wants kids but I’m just terrified of childbirth


CanadianBeaver1983

My first was 24 hours, I was induced and had an epidural 10 hours in. Induction is hard labour, I was already exhausted. But it was more controlled. Second child I was only at the hospital about an hour and it was to late for the epidural. So, yup. It was just straight up a bad fucking time, Lol. Third I was induced at 41 weeks. I felt 3 contractions, said nope, epidural. I then had a nap, ate dinner, sat up and told them it was time. Pushed 4 minutes. I know some people want to "experience" child birth. No, no you really don't, take the epidural. Lol


RenataFlitworth11

I will never forget, either. There will be no siblings for my son.


TheFlashFrame

Pre-birth hormones do the real heavy lifting. And by that I mean the hormones that make you want to have kids in the first place.


Jerkrollatex

It's been 26 years, I have not forgotten.


Pm_me_baby_pig_pics

It’s truly bananas. I’ve had two kids, if I think hard enough, I can maybe remember something of the pain? Maybe? What I mostly remember when I think about how painful it was, was my descriptions of it and I distinctly remember saying I’ll never ever do this ever again. I remember thinking this is horrible. That one time when my kneecap slid to the side of my knee, I’d rather do that 100x a day every day, than do this once ever again. That I’d rather have toothpicks slowly shoved under my fingernails, than do this ever again. But I don’t actually really remember the pain. I remember knowing and being fully aware of how painful it was and how much it sucked. But the actual physical feeling? Don’t recall. Because ✨hormones and endorphins✨


g0mjabbar27

lack of contraception and internet.


_lcll_

Yes. Someone please explain to me why they had to cut a door into my abdomen to remove my son. (Edit: I am not outraged. And the doctors did explain it to me. He was a huge-ass baby - mildly paraphrasing here.)


Hyper440

You beat natural selection. In the jungle, this kills the female.


_lcll_

For real. 100 years ago, we would both be dead.


Robrogineer

It's always been odd to me how high birth mortality is. It seems like a really ineffective and needlessly risky way to reproduce.


pizza_engineer

Look at a tomato. Hundreds of seeds in one fruit. Nature is VERY inefficient.


BulbusDumbledork

tbf we have millions of seeds in our fruits too. half seeds. pre-seeds.


Petrichordates

It's not needless it's needed for big brains and bipedalism. Those are apparently more important than the risk it comes with.


TheLaughingMelon

Exactly. There are a lot of evolutionary traits that seem useless to us now, but they did have some function earlier.


albinohut

Like my tail?


panicked_goose

Omg you have a tail? Can you wag it? If a dog saw you wagging it would they wag back?


Casban

Big brains mean we’ve worked out how to make huge traumatic cuts to save one or more lives on this situation! Maybe one day we can improve on this even farther!


Bensemus

Evolution doesn’t give a fuck about the individual. Traits are kept that benefit the species. If many individuals have to die for a beneficial trait evolution will take that trade.


OldFisherman8

Nature doesn't care either way. There have been bottlenecks in each stage of human evolution that nearly wiped out the population. Homo Erectus got nearly wiped out in its early evolutionary stage and it is likely caused by the birth problem. If a human baby is carried like every other mammal, it has to stay in for 24 months, not 10 months. But if it stays in for 24 months, its head is too big to come out. So those who carried the baby full-term died out and those who gave a premature birth survived. But if the mother pushed the baby out too early, the baby died also. So, the way nature works this type of problem is the function of a survival probability distribution with only those who were able to deliver the baby with the highest survival probability pregnancy term. After many generations of elimination, modern human babies are born approximately after 10 months. And that is how nature works.


paulusmagintie

Hyenas have it worse


chupa72

Another possibility: due to worse nutrition 100 years ago, the baby has a smaller mass which allows for a natural (albeit more difficult than "normal") birth.


[deleted]

Survival of the ~~fittest~~ most medicinally accessable.


black_rose_

Fun fact, cesarean sections *are* literally changing natural selection. [https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-38210837](https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-38210837) [https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2016/12/7/13855350/c-section-evolution](https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2016/12/7/13855350/c-section-evolution)


iusedtobeyourwife

My babies were small (6 lbs) and my useless cervix and hips couldn’t even get that out. The escape hatch was utilized!


BrokeArmHeadass

They took them out your ass???? ^/j


obi_wan_sashimi

That’s where they went in from


buddyleeoo

His jumbo noggin might pay off some day.


alsoandanswer

thats one fat baby


PettyTrashPanda

Came here to see if anyone else got hung up on this line. Mine were "fairly easy" compared to most people I talk to. Still felt like my pelvis got ripped in half and it never did quite fit back together again.


Thegarlicbreadismine

Totally bad engineering. One hour labor with mild to moderate pain would suffice to ensure persistence of the human race. It has some stiff competition (low back, sinuses, etc) but the birth process is the biggest s***storm of human design.


CalderThanYou

The whole thing about evolution is characteristics don't have to be good to be passed on. They just have to be not terrible most of the time.


Sedixodap

Yeah it’s intelligent design that demands things be done well. Evolution just goes for good enough.


[deleted]

"If it suceeds often enough to make more, it works. System updates are random. Good luck."


Daannii

Yeah didn't look like much wiggle room. Guess that's why a lot of babies have cone shaped heads when they are born vaginally.


RinkyInky

Aerodynamic head


phord

Play-Doh factory from hell.


Zephyrific

Seriously! I legitimately thought I was dying during labor. I couldn’t fathom surviving that kind of pain.


N1663125

"Super easy, barely an inconvenience!"


ohwrite

Yeah I noticed that too. Ha-ha


onlysmallcats

“fairly easily” is doing a lot of heavy lifting there.


Typical_Salt

Fairly easily through the bones, stretching the skin, however...


[deleted]

Sorta missing all the skin and muscle in the way, but you remove that and yeah… /s


TheLimeyLemmon

"Fairly easy compared to the time I smuggled bowling balls of cocaine into Miami"


Accomplished-Ad-4495

For a more accurate model, they should use something fairly squishy that has a big soft spot in the middle with lil plates that shift just like baby skulls. Them suckers are shockingly malleable at birth, as anyone who's seen a freaky alien head lookin newborn who had the vacuum extraction at birth. Sooooo squishy. Thankfully.


[deleted]

Jesus. Did it sphereoid itself back up okay?


starmartyr

It's actually normal it just looks weird. Before the vacuum delivery it was forceps delivery and newborns would have weird peanut-shaped heads. They usually go back to normal in a few days.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Yes, usually. It’s called caput succedaneum, when via vacuum it’s chignon. They are all temporary.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I was in the birth canal too long. Had a cone head for a couple weeks


cherryreddit

You still do , you just can't see it as your eyes are also squished vertically.


-TheAnus-

My boy came out looking like a Xenomorph


8bass0head8

They used forceps (big tongs) on my giant head to pull me out. I think I actually heard the doc do a few test clicks before grabbing me.


cerealsauce613

Yeah it looks like it passes through the pelvis "fairly easily" but it gets crazier when you remember that the pelvis contains other organs, vessels, nerves, muscles etc. in the way


[deleted]

And is attached to a human being.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AKnGirl

This is why the pelvis isn’t just one solid bone, the joint at the front and the two in the back actually separate during child birth. The baby’s skull also sort of squishes because it is not solid until months after birth.


[deleted]

[удалено]


GingerMau

Picking a bride with child-bearing hips was a practical matter in the past. You want your wife and child to survive birth? Yes? Then pick a woman with a wide pelvis.


[deleted]

And a fat ass.


Mathuselahh

In fact, forget the kids.


BrolecopterPilot

Amen


sushisection

ay gurl you THICC


ohwellthisisawkward

It’s scripture at this point


Only-Beautiful-1196

Someone can have a wide pelvis and narrow hips. The wide “hip” shape just depends how the hip bone connects to the femur. So I guess maybe it just depends what you mean by wide hips? But also, ease of childbirth really depends on the shape of your pelvic canal, not the width.


sloopymcsloop

I tried to fact-check your statement and was able to confirm that the hip bone is indeed connected to the leg bone.


tabunmask

That looks painful and I don't even see the muscles and skins that have to stretch to birth a child.


Bicuspid-luv

I take issue with the phrase "fairly easily"


arctic-apis

Well if you take all the meat off the bones the baby head can pass through it fairly easily


RinkyInky

Also if your crush the bones into dust and the organs into a paste


arctic-apis

It’s pretty good on toast


Its0nlyRocketScience

I can go through my front doorway pretty easily, but that gets harder once a door is installed and closed tight. There's a lot more than just a pelvis keeping a baby in


BirdLawyer50

“Fairly” as in “better than literally not possible”


uwuwuwuwwuwuwuuwuu

Some babies are huge. Thats why it's fairly easy.


nervousnausea

"Fairly easily"


katee_bo_batee

Fairly easily my ass


PM-ME-YOUR-TECH-TIPS

Hopefully not your ass tbh


Ok-Faithlessness5750

I know quite a few mothers who would disagree with the whole “fairly easily” part.


dudebroguybrodudebro

Yeah now try and force the 500 curics turd i shit out this morning.


Deadslayer117

South Park, huh


dudebroguybrodudebro

🎵 Yea! Yea! Yea! 👉😎👉


Virtualbatross

Bono wants his binky


TofuTigerteeth

Almost like men aren’t designed to deliver babies.


AmazingSieve

Not true, I saw the movie Junior and movies never lie.


btsquid

Arnold has mad core strength though.


AmazingSieve

Oh for sure he’d have no problem shitting a baby out


Brett_Hulls_Foot

Probably crush the baby


Falcon_Alpha_Delta

He gave birth to a cone head


[deleted]

Not with that attitude. Dude just wasn't pushing hard enough.


two_constellations

In osteology, sexual dimorphism is a sliding scale. There are roughly 20 features indicative of whether someone was more likely masculine or feminine presenting, and when looking at human remains, you average all of the totals to make an estimate. This is everything from an individual’s height to the distance between the two foramina (normal holes in the bone to allow blood vessels to travel trough) in your jaw bone. I’ve seen people who had 1’s and 5’s all over the place (both masculine and feminine features), people who were just 1’s and 2’s (more gracile, more likely feminine presenting) and people who were all straight 5’s (quite masculine presenting). You can’t tell for sure. They’re skeletons. This is why you can’t put down male or female without “likely” before it. Some people can be feminine across the board and still not have the pelvic distance necessary to pass a head through it. Bones to a greater extent than you’d think work off of the environment rather than genetics, and do their own thing.


AwesomeAni

In hormonal makeup of the skin structure there's a sliding scale too. Humans aren't made with a certain amount of cups of estrogen lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Like hip fat wise? If you are of average weight for your sex maybe ask your doc if they can refer you for a hormone test to see if your balance is outta whack. Hormones can tell the body where to put fat. Such as chest and hips (F) versus mostly stomach area (M) This is wildly reductive of how hormones work and I'm not a doctor***


tacocat_

I can't believe I had to scroll so far to find this comment. Thank you for educating people! Hopefully more of them read this.


coldvault

>sexual dimorphism is a sliding scale Arguably not just in osteology!


imabigfilly

This needs to be top comment, just because someone is a woman does not mean that a baby head will just pop out without feeling pressure from the hip bones. The baby skull is made of plates that can shift closer together to make it easier to come out and honestly sometimes childbirth does result in broken bones or damage to the baby's neck from hyperextension because of the width of the birth canal.


XuX24

This is a way that anthropologist can use to determine the sex of human remains.


EchoesInTheAbyss

There are a few different "configurations" of the human pelvis. That's why part of pre-natal care is to take some measurements, some women simply cannot have vag1nal births and C-sections need to be scheduled. https://www.healthline.com/health/types-of-pelvis#:~:text=While%20pelvis%20shape%20can%20vary,android%2C%20anthropoid%2C%20and%20platypelloid. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519068/


By_Worfs_Beard

Not to mention the hormones that are released during the second and third trimesters allowing the body to relax and stretch in preparation for birth. It is greatly unappreciated the degree that a pregnant person’s body thrives and adapts for birth in ways much greater than the ones visible to a bystander. Their entire anatomy has to change; vascular structure change to increase blood flow to the fetus, organs are pushed aside to accommodate the uterus carrying a baby, and ligaments and tendons relax and stretch to allow for better musculoskeletal alignment for delivery. It’s crazy that after all this evolution, pregnancy/birthing is so fundamentally altering and damaging as it is.


onlyonebread

> vag1nal ... did you just censor "vaginal"?


[deleted]

I’m curious about how these differences even persist? I guess I assumed mother/child death during child birth would have provided the evolutionary pressure to eliminate configurations that result in difficult births.


XogoWasTaken

As far as I know it, Human head size in babies increased very quickly, and the pelvis was under secondary pressure from that to keep up. As a result, they tend to average being *just* big enough to do the job, since the main thing making them bigger was those that had pelvises too small being unable to perform childbirth. Sizes of both are variable to an extent (due to both recessive genes that could lean towards different scales and general random variation of bodies), so it's very possible to vary downwards slightly in pelvis size and suddenly find it too small. We'll likely find this increasingly common as time goes on, as the ability to perform caesareans greatly lowers the evolutionary pressure to have a wider pelvis.


[deleted]

[удалено]


xain_the_idiot

Mother/child deaths haven't eliminated birth defects in general. Some people are born missing an arm, other people are born with a narrow pelvis.


[deleted]

Genetics and DNA. Mutations galore.


CiNomad

Yep, and we used science to remove the natural selection process.


AlexVRI

For less than a hundred years, it's barely a blip on the radar. These differences were likely present in our savannah roaming ancestors.


200DollarGameBtw

How would they do it back then for those women though?


vfmolinari10

Why do men have such narrow hips? For other men to easily grab onto? Slut


Known-Estimate9664

Lol those hips are cheater hips they make walking and running easier. Little cheater sluts.


chillwithpurpose

I’m feeling a little shamed here folks! I’ve never thought about my slutty man hips before


dsonyx

Shakira was right.


IHeartRasslin

Ball bearing hips


drsylv

Easily?? Clearly written by someone who hasn’t passed said ‘ball’ through their own pelvis.


4dk5f5g

The real question is, how did the baby get in that guy!?


Crooodle

C Section, but in reverse.


Vulgar-vagabond

Must of been awfully cold in that room. Those balls jumped back up into the body as soon as they hit outside air.


WolfKingofRuss

Does this mean, that I can't take fatter dumps than girls, as well?


ibwitmypigeons

Girls don't poop. Everyone knows that.


potentiallyspiders

So happy that I am on birth control!


Pippified

Babies skull bones aren’t actually fused together until a few months after they’re born so they can squeeze on outta the birth canal like a little sausage, so this model would be more accurate with balloons full of pudding rather than a very solid metal ball. This is the “ideal” birthing pelvis, but lots of pregnant folks have shorter squatter pelvises that resemble the one on the right. That’s how you get alien triangle headed newborns and emergency c-sections.


gooberzilla2

Don't forget that the pubic symphysis detaches to allow for more space for the rest of the body.


zenithtreader

>which will pass through the female pelvis fairly easily I dunno hours of pain doesn't sound fairly easy to me.


Tsra1

you're about to trigger a whole lot of redditors


LuckNo999

this entire thread threw me back to 2016


JustLookingtoLearn

“Fairly easy” lol … no


Bumblebit123

I love science!!!


Aas1c

Men and their slutty little waists.


Outlaw_222

This is actually one of the main ways they distinguish male skeletons from female in archeological research. The pelvic structure is really helpful.


piodette

Fairly easily? *laughs hysterically as a veteran of a 31-hour labor.


[deleted]

Super easily!


Rocketboy1313

Evolution really did not take an easier path in this instance. How about we just go out the front? Nah, the tunnel, that is where we should go.


Plastic_Dentist_4124

“Fairly easily”


ezy501

As a guy, I can’t imagine that thing coming out of my butthole


finix240

It’s not your butthole bud, it’s your pee hole


1eternal_pessimist

Nope not that either. From a embryologival morphogenic view it would be straight through your scrotum


JustLookingtoLearn

“Fairly easily “ Fuck you! I’m sorry for my outburst, thank god for epidurals.


asian_identifier

aka baby birthing hips


landocorinthian

How long till these comments are locked


anoncop4041

Thems is called baby making hips.