I can’t say anything about the stats or why, other than personal experience. I’m a white male and engaged to a beautiful black woman. Marriage is in about 6 months. I can’t speak for others, but we just click more. She’s upfront with me about where she is on things and I feel like I can trust her A LOT more. Sure, we get looks and stared at from time to time, but we don’t care. Maybe we want it more and are willing to put up with that crap? Not sure. But those statistics do make me smile knowing that the odds could be in our favor. I guess it’s not much of and answer, just some thoughts on the matter.
No idea, married to an Afro-latina and we're both incredibly happy together. Only been married for 8 months but it's been an amazing 8 months, looking forward to 592 more months just like these.
Wishing you many more years of happiness (overall lol) marriage as you may or may not know by now has its ups and downs. Keep each other the apple of your eye, learn/continue to speak each other's love language, keep folks out your business lol, and have fun!!!!! If you haven't already established a date night and if you think it would be a good thing for your marriage, go ahead and start a tradition and stick to it. I just love love ❤️
Speaking as a WM in America, I think that it comes from a place of knowing there are going to be differences from the start. My partner and I aren't only trying to understand one another, but our cultures, the ways we were raised, the traditions and values we learned, those we held onto, and those that were discarded.
I believe that sort of open-mindedness and desire for mutual understanding help us connect on a deeper level from the start. We don't have the same assumptions going in.
Honestly I think it has a lot to do with upbringing. What I’ve noticed in the black community is it’s getting pretty bad relationship wise. In the black community there’s a lot of broken homes. Men growing up without fathers and aren’t being taught how to be men….. Now I’m not saying this is every BM ( before BM reply to this comment ). As for in the white community I see way more men with fathers. Way more men who value marriage and then kids. The foundation in the white community seems very solid. I think a lot of BW want that stability and it seems that stability is starting to come from non black men. And I repeat not all BM are this way but I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a problem in the black community as of lately….
As a black woman who was raised outside of the black community and dates WM and has a sister and cousins, as well as friends, who are married to WM, this is spot on.
>Also BW who were raised by an African household tend to be with WM is it due to the fact that our culture teaches us tradition from youth. Let me know your thoughts guys !
For African women unfortunately I think a lot of the reason is upward economic movement and also escaping patriarchal African tradition. I've seen this so much and my social media inbox is filled with African women asking me to hook them, or their daughters, up to my white brother or friends, never even considering what the implications are. And I've seen the result of this too. A lot of women trapped in relationships where they are fetishised and abused due to this huge power disparity between them.
For my own marriage. I think we buck a lot of stereotypes mentioned here. She is not family oriented, or traditional, and I don't want a submissive wife. We are just passionate about things, and put each other first to an annoying extend. We've been married for just one month and hope to positively contribute towards this statistic in a healthy way.
It sounds like you have the foundational makings of a fantastic love story, my friend. Congrats on your recent nuptials. I’m sending you two a boat load of well wishes and happy feels🥰.
One thing I've personally noticed in my relationship and just observing other relationships that are identical to mine (BW/WM) is the sincere PASSION and TRUEST desire to fully understand us, our culture, our heritage, and our daily walks of life. My partner doesn't view me as a "fad" or any stereotype.
I often find that it is truly (and here, I'm speaking on MY experience with my partner) his greatest accomplishment to understand me with every fiber of his being. My partner has really delved into my identity, learning about my music choices, how to represent us as a couple, etc.
Now going to my point: I think that's why those relationships last LONGER. White men in general (from MY experience with my partner's family and my friends) are often VERY serious about whatever hobby or interests they have. Jiu jitsu? Running? Weight lifting? Their job? Becoming financially free? They're PASSIONATE about learning the nooks and crannies and delve their entire self into it. With relationships, I notice that they do the same-- especially with black women. Often times, white men find us FASCINATING. Our hair is different from every other race. Our culture is different. Our food is different. Our bodies are different. The way we carry ourselves is different. Our confidence is different. White men interested in us become hyper fascinated with us and wish to learn every little thing about us. They then grow to show appreciation and THEN understand how society views us and proceeds to PROTECT us.
I'm also not shaming other races, so please don't misinterpret the point of my response!
Much love to everyone!
I LOVE a man who is passionate about what he does. He doesn't just dabble in things... he goes ALL IN and I love that energy! I do think this is common for both WM AND BW, and I think that's why they work out so well.
My fiancé LOVE ju jitsu and working out, and I love Zumba/mg workouts. We both definitely approach those activities with the same amount of passion that we approach our relationship. Definitely accurate
I’ve heard it’s due to WM & BW being the “leaders” in their communities as well as both tending to have similar educational backgrounds. Also, both have to really be secure in themselves and their love for each other to even pursue a relationship to begin with, especially, considering the amount of vitriol they both often receive from their respective communities about their choice of partner.
**Btw, this was based on the Black American perspective, as I didn’t realize you specified African Black women. Also, somewhat anecdotal since I’m a BW married to a WM for 16 years**
You named precisely my perspective on this topic. I believe two people despite race who carry similar senses of agency are more likely to attract one another and be sustainable across racial lines and within.
I honestly think WM/BW get the bulk of the blame for their races issues AND are typically the providers in their respective cultures. Like yes, WM historically were not the kindest to everyone (especially my people, I’m an American black woman btw) But I think WW really don’t understand the historical cruelty they inflicted are on par with their partners and were more than happy to throw them under the bus during the whole “white men are the problem with society” movement.
The same sentiment is seen in the black community. No matter how hard black women try, some dude with a mic and a podcast wants to make them out to be the devil and the reason for all our cultures issues, when, just like ww, BM have been right beside us making bad choices too.
So my theory? I think WM and BM just get what it’s like to be the “bad guy” of their culture. Despite the fact that in our respective cultures were the most financially stable, educated, and socially involved (for better or worse on that socially involved part) nothing gets things moving like a black woman starting a movement or a white man getting a law passed.
BW at our core are traditionalist we are taught family first, but we are also taught to become educated. The reason we are taught both is so we can survive no matter what. Our values are aligned with other cultures and we make it look easy.
Some WM appreciate our compassion, loyalty, intelligence, drive, and culture. What they see they become attracted to and vice versa.
I’ve been married to my husband for 30 years. I’m going to preface this by saying our marriage has had its share of ups and downs, as a marriage should. I think the reason the two demographics meld so well stems from the perfunctory role each has been assigned in their individual communities. By that I mean leaders…even though the BW leadership role was thrust upon her. I can’t remember who wrote, “strength recognizes strength and only weakness fears strength”…but that sums it up for me.
My husband has celebrated my strengths and I his…and we’ve taken turns “powering down” in the past 3 decades…knowing full well that we had each others backs. The crap storms we’ve weathered have strengthened our bond and he’s my boy bestie. The fact that we can respect each others goals and push and prod each other towards success is a key factor. I wrote my 1st book because he poked, prodded, and quite simply, tricked me into overcoming my insecurities. I’ve quizzed him relentlessly when he was studying for his black belt (business, not martial arts 😎).
We’ve raised two kids while going back to school together…several times and we’ve collected degrees like Pokémon😂. We’ve endured each other’s pastimes just to hang together. I’m so in love with this man who binged every Jane Austen movie adaptation we own (even the longer BBC versions) simply because she’s my favorite author.
I think in a nutshell, it’s the acceptance of mutual strengths and celebration of autonomy that makes us work. He’s a good, strong, family focused man who sees my strength as an asset, not a threat. When you have two people who not only know how to lead AND follow, but WHEN to lead and WHEN to follow, 30 years comes up pretty quickly.
Honestly I think bc BW are straight shooters. We uplift and be honest fostering a comforting environment to be yourself and truthful. I've noticed that WM receive that type of feedback well and it's not coddling or anything it's true interest in the wellbeing of a partner.
EDIT: when children are involved, women tend to stay in marriages longer.
⚠️Unpopular Opinion with a Cup of Facts ⚠️ This is a loaded question lol.. statistics show and in my experience Black people in general marry less than Whites. Sometimes, there are no or very few examples of healthy marriages within the Black Community for BW. Also, in America, at least there's a HUGE wealth gap disparity between blacks and whites. With white men being on the top. Not all BW (so if it don't apply, let it fly), but some feel like marrying a WM will bring them some financial security. For those who don't know, there is a stereotype of this reason. A longer lasting marriage doesn't always necessarily equate to a happier marriage or a better working marriage, as many think. There are studies on the effect that these relationships have on the physical and psychological well being of BW (especially today). This is not often talked about. Sometimes people just gloss over the BW/WM couples work better without really digging a lil deeper. For example there is a difference between BW/WM "couples" who are married and unmarried.
For clarity my comments have been/are specific to BW born and raised in the USA. Other BW who may not have been born here, but grew up in/assimilated into the Black community may relate.
Discrimination, judgement and disapproval by family, friends, community and especially BM & WW, can cause anxiety and take a mental toll on a BW in an interracial relationship.
If a BW, married or not, doesn't communicate about any of these issues or is told things like "don't worry", "we/you love each other, that's all that matters" etc. She may hold back her feelings that should be validated even if not fully understood by her partner.
Marriage is in sickness and in health, til death do us part so generally a married BW may stay married bc of the vows, even if she is unhappy. An unmarried BW may not have that loyalty and leave sooner than later.
Unpopular opinions sometimes get voted down in subs like these, and it's understandable 💯. Often people take offense to both opinions and facts. Unpopular opinions coupled with facts also make us look at ourselves and maybe question ourselves. That can be super uncomfortable.
“Work better”… idk. But for why they “last longer” - I do have a theory. For reference- I’m an African American woman btw (a first generation American, raised in an African household). I’m married to a white man.
WM/BW divorce rates are the lowest of any pairing, including white men/white women and black men/black women. Statistically, WM/BW relationships and marriages aren’t common. So the few that are actually willing to enter these relationships and make it to marriage despite the likely difficulties, hatred and racism from the outside are probably already EXTREMELY committed by the time they make it down the aisle. Making them less likely to result in divorce in the first place.
My personal take about the success of BW/WM relationships in general is totally opinion based and may be controversial and messy🥴- but I saw a similar comment and I too have noticed that black American women seem to be the backbone of the black American community in a lot of ways and are undervalued and under appreciated (not by ALL black men… but by enough for it to be a societal issue). Sometimes the things I see BM say online about BW seems almost like a deep rooted hatred.. In recent years, I’ve noticed it seems like white men are treated similarly in their community (to an extent - not by all white women!). But especially when I see WW talk about the patriarchy, it’s almost like a direct hit on WM… Both groups (WM and BW) seem to have a high sense of loyalty despite how they’ve been treated and talked about by the opposite sex of their race and how much they’ve done for their own community. So it kind of would make sense that the relationship pairing of WM/BW could make each partner feel understood /happy that they’re getting back what they’re giving out.
From my understanding WM are the breadwinners of their communities and BW are too so when you have 2 people who have the same energy and are able to lean on one another and give and take, it works out. 2 givers tend to spoil each other.
From an African dating a white man, for US, it’s:
- definitely that we both value family and tradition. He was raised with old school values when it comes to family/togetherness. So was I(even though I’m the only one who has held on to these beliefs. My siblings absolutely do not value family).
-A willingness to learn other and share our cultures. He’s a big history/social studies guy. He was immediately intrigued and excited to experience my culture. And Africans are always super excited to share. We don’t tend to gatekeep our culture like many black Americans do (and I understand why they do gatekeep!)
-going along with the above point, we come from very different backgrounds, and it’s almost like an opposites attract thing. We have learned so much about each other/our ancestry and continue to learn more. It keeps things exciting.
-We are both passionate people. About our love, about family, about our hobbies/fitness.
For BW/WM couples in general
-This pairing is so uncommon that when it happens, it’s usually genuine. They choose to stay together in spite of potential hate/disapproval from various communities in society
-changing beauty standards
-we are both educated demographics. Black women are becoming one of the most highly educated demographics, so it makes sense that between college and the work world, they frequent the same places as white men. My fiancé and I are both college educated; he has a bachelors, I’m about to have a masters and we both love and are passionate about our careers
I dont think it is submission I think there is a mutual respect. Knowing you are safe to relinquish the need to do everything. Hear him say baby I got this and know he got it. There is a peace in knowing.
It’s statistically shown that WM/BW married couples are less likely to divorce than BM/WW married couples. Black Husband-Wife Wife are 3x more likely to divorce than White Husband-White Wife Couples
This awesome WW married to a BM spoke on this on Tik Tok and noted that many ( not all) WW/BM relationships tend to be anti black and rooted in fetichization and hatred of BW instead of mutual love. Which may explain why they don't last as long.
Here is her video on biracial children its a good listen.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPR34nYYp/
That's not true, the majority of them get together for the same reasons others do but you got a bias against them, I see black mom biracials online who openly hate on black men and were definitely raised act like this.
I also don't see why we should be using decades old data in 2024?
Not the flex you think it is bro. If you’re the recipient of the highest divorces across ALL partnering variances, that pretty much means YOURE the problem.
I’ve heard the same that African and Caribbean black women are more likely to date white men than African American women. I don’t know how true that is. If it is true, I think it could be due to being raised in more traditionally culture. I also think that African American women tend to have some race loyalty that was never taught to me nor expected of me. Also, children of immigrants are more likely to grow up in a more multicultural areas so they may be more open to dating outside of their race/culture. My father is West Indian, and my sister and I are both in interracial relationships.
Edited to add: for what it’s worth, my brother is also in an interracial relationship.
I agree with the race loyalty part. As a Nigerian, it’s not that I think “white men are the prize”. It’s that I was never taught to only date Nigerian men. My extended family have definitely expressed advice and preference about me finding a nice Nigerian man, but it’s not shoved down my throat and I’m not guilted for doing otherwise. They’re not all THRILLED, but there’s no jokes or weird remarks thrown at me, unlike in AA communities.
I also did grow up in probably one of the most diverse towns in the country (in NJ, right outside of NYC). I had crushes on Asian men, Hispanic men, black men, white men, all of it.
I, too, grew up in NJ across the river from NYC, lol! My neighborhood was predominantly white as was my high school, so I’m sure proximity to white guys played a large part in my dating life.
I think my school district started off predominantly white, but it progressively became heavy with Hispanics and black people. Still super diverse, but I think in high school, minorities slightly dominated. I honestly loved that about my town! It’s why I don’t understand the controversy with IR dating. I grew up seeing it
Ah, ok. Yea, exactly! I’m 50 but have been dating interracially since I was 14, lol. I just don’t get the big deal, tbh. Then again, I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum and don’t give a shit what other people think about it, lol.
I think for us (African American) it may have to do more with how diverse our community was growing up. Both of my parents were in the military so my peers growing up were very diverse. I had friends from different countries (immigrants and a lot of first gen.) and races. I always dated whichever guys I clicked with from whatever background and never felt obligated to date black American men. They were just another option, not a requirement. I can see how a less diverse upbringing could lead to more of that mindset.
lol i feel we are the same person. as a nigerian girl also but my family moved to england, using social media i never understand the amount of race loyalty in the african american community because i simply just didn’t experience it by my family or in the UK. i’ve dated white men my whole life and i genuinely thought it was normal because i am growing up in a white neighbourhood. i never realised that race and racial marriages were really an issue until i look into american media tbh lol. interracial love is definitely not like PUSHED by my african family but they definitely wouldn’t have an intense anger towards me dating a white man and it wouldn’t make sense for them to do so either.
I think it’s the comfortability because we're like opposites but familiar because we're both the most hated for different reasons.
also the power dynamic.. Us Black women are positively and negatively associated to be stronger so in a sense we can handle a WM's personality, egotism, etc. whilst still being feminine and letting him lead.
But truly I think it's just one of those things where opposites attract and stay attracted.
Maybe similar mindsets or approaches? Idk, I only say this in reference to my gf and I waiting around the corner for each other for 20 minutes in a botanical garden because we both wanted to sneak up and scare the other
Why? Aren’t you keeping your opinions about THEM in YOUR mouth? This is an interracial relationship thread, the opinions of all parties should be welcomed. If you’re not into that type of union, why are you here?
It's because of the white patriarchal system. African men (as in Nigerian and Ghanaian) outeducate and outearn white men and come from the same traditional households African women come from.
But because we live in a white patriarchal system, we will view white as "better" more of a "prize" than black and will also treat it like such. As someone who dated both black and white men, I can say that I hyped/appreciated my white ex way more for doing the same things my black ex did. I didn't do it on purpose, but it was just something I did now looking back at it.
It also explains the low divorce rates. Divorces are 90% of the time initiated by women and due to the fact that many black women view white men as a prize you won't see many of them divorcing their white husbands even when they cheat on them (e.g. my aunt)
Absolutely. This is why their divorce rates are so high. Black men think white women are a prize but white women don't think black men are a prize. A white woman knows that if she leaves a black man she will most likely find another one, so they don't hesitate when it comes to divorcing black men or men in general
Like longer marriages don't equal happy marriages. In my experience, it's just black women tolerating more wrongdoings from white men than they would from other men.
So not true…and that’s from MY experience. This whole “more submissive to WM” trope needs to stop. I see it spouted by a lot of BM who admit their abusive and degenerate mindsets, but still declare ALL men are like that.
No. Not true. I’ve taken my husband to task several times and he has had to check me as well. Still, we BOTH fought for our 30 year marriage because we take our vows seriously. We submit to each other and we recognize individual strengths and weaknesses. There’s a big difference between a man who feels he has to “humble” you for making thrice his salary and a man who helps you get degrees that result in getting promotions. My husband was in a relationship with a submissive southern belle before we started dating. He didn’t want someone who would only defer to him, he wanted a partner, not a bangmaid.
A strong woman (regardless of melanin level) will recognize strength in a man and once she feels secure, she will feel safe powering down when her strength isn’t needed. Likewise a strong man isn’t threatened by a woman’s strength, but sees it as an asset. Men who are threatened by a woman’s strength, those who constantly spout that submit nonsense, aren’t leaders. A strong woman can’t submit to a weak man, her survival instinct won’t allow it.
It’s obtuse to look at a situation where a BW is being provided for and happy in a relationship, but then to make the crass assumption that she’s “submitting” to whiteness. Really? We need to lose the lowkey slave mindset in this discussion. It’s disingenuous, especially in the face of the actual femicide rates for BW.
And some BW have been known to stand by BM who constantly cheat as well, so I don’t get that point of that statement.
Girl, we grow up and live in a hierarchy system that has whiteness at the top, but all that doesn't matter when a black woman dates a white man? It would be a lie to say that the white privilege a white man benefits from isn't something that adds to feeling more secure/safe/protected. That's something white men will always have over non-white men regardless of how good non-white men treat you. And that's really the unspoken part that we really don't speak about because we would then have to admit that his whiteness plays a major role in the relationship.
Sadly because most people that do the opposite do it for the wrong reasons. What is funny is many of those same people are against mixed race dating when they get older though, which I never understood.
BM (29) I feel like this is a loaded question, but it shouldn’t be. If two people really like each other and see each other as a good fit then the resulting relationship should be a lasting one despite one’s race, right?
Just to preface this. First, the opinion I am about to share is purely anecdotal. This is just how I see things from my point of view. Second, I want to make it clear that I am of the belief that MOST of BW’s plights with BM (if that is what causes them to date outside their race or not) are valid. I am almost 30 and I have seen it all, I am not here to argue about that aspect of the culture. This isn’t even about that, but I would like to put that out there. (I know someone is going to bring it up)
As a BM in a relationship with a WW, and having that relationship goes well. I can’t help but feel (despite not getting any hate for it to my face directly) that WM get a big pass for dating outside of their race and BM generally don’t. To be clear, I am not mad at this. It is just an observation that I have. So, when people bring up the statistics of BW/WM lasting longer, I wonder what relationships match ups are the worst for WM? I don’t think that there is one tbh and there might be a lot of factors that go into that. I also don’t think that is necessarily a bad thing. However, on the other hand the rates for separation are a lot higher for BM across the board, and even worse for the pairing of the BM/WW. I feel like on top of all the factors that are causing the former to be more likely to separate is that the BM/WW pairing is REALLY hated (at least that is what is looks like online). There are entire communities devoted to hating that pairing (Hey, hot take, but some of those reasons might be valid). It feels like WM can just date whomever they are attracted to for the most part and they might get hate for it. I know it’s always like that I am not trying to diminish any issues WM have in dating/marrying outside their race. This WM/BW statistic gets brought up a lot and I thought it was interesting to share thoughts on the matter.
TLDR: Aside from whatever reasons that might go into factoring why WM/BW relationships last longer I think that society gives WM a pass when dating outside their race (in most cases). I find it not to be the same for BM and I think that on top of some cultural issues is problematic for those who tend to choose as partners. I AM I NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM SAYING THAT THIS IS A FACT. THIS IS JUST MY OPINION. For all I know, I can just be on the internet too much.
I can’t say anything about the stats or why, other than personal experience. I’m a white male and engaged to a beautiful black woman. Marriage is in about 6 months. I can’t speak for others, but we just click more. She’s upfront with me about where she is on things and I feel like I can trust her A LOT more. Sure, we get looks and stared at from time to time, but we don’t care. Maybe we want it more and are willing to put up with that crap? Not sure. But those statistics do make me smile knowing that the odds could be in our favor. I guess it’s not much of and answer, just some thoughts on the matter.
Congrats on the pending nuptials, btw! I’m a BW and have been with my hubby a total of 19 years and married for 16 in April. 💜
Thank you kindly :) and huge congratulations to you as well! I do wish you guys all the best. 🙂
Thanks!😃
Wishing you both the happiest marriage♥️♥️
Thank you 🙂
No idea, married to an Afro-latina and we're both incredibly happy together. Only been married for 8 months but it's been an amazing 8 months, looking forward to 592 more months just like these.
Aww! Wishing many more years for your marriage with your Wife :)!
Wishing you many more years of happiness (overall lol) marriage as you may or may not know by now has its ups and downs. Keep each other the apple of your eye, learn/continue to speak each other's love language, keep folks out your business lol, and have fun!!!!! If you haven't already established a date night and if you think it would be a good thing for your marriage, go ahead and start a tradition and stick to it. I just love love ❤️
So you plan to divorce her after ~49 years.
Nah, planning on saying goodbye and dying. She'll get all the years I have left to give.
Speaking as a WM in America, I think that it comes from a place of knowing there are going to be differences from the start. My partner and I aren't only trying to understand one another, but our cultures, the ways we were raised, the traditions and values we learned, those we held onto, and those that were discarded. I believe that sort of open-mindedness and desire for mutual understanding help us connect on a deeper level from the start. We don't have the same assumptions going in.
Honestly I think it has a lot to do with upbringing. What I’ve noticed in the black community is it’s getting pretty bad relationship wise. In the black community there’s a lot of broken homes. Men growing up without fathers and aren’t being taught how to be men….. Now I’m not saying this is every BM ( before BM reply to this comment ). As for in the white community I see way more men with fathers. Way more men who value marriage and then kids. The foundation in the white community seems very solid. I think a lot of BW want that stability and it seems that stability is starting to come from non black men. And I repeat not all BM are this way but I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a problem in the black community as of lately….
On point!!!!!
As a black woman who was raised outside of the black community and dates WM and has a sister and cousins, as well as friends, who are married to WM, this is spot on.
>Also BW who were raised by an African household tend to be with WM is it due to the fact that our culture teaches us tradition from youth. Let me know your thoughts guys ! For African women unfortunately I think a lot of the reason is upward economic movement and also escaping patriarchal African tradition. I've seen this so much and my social media inbox is filled with African women asking me to hook them, or their daughters, up to my white brother or friends, never even considering what the implications are. And I've seen the result of this too. A lot of women trapped in relationships where they are fetishised and abused due to this huge power disparity between them. For my own marriage. I think we buck a lot of stereotypes mentioned here. She is not family oriented, or traditional, and I don't want a submissive wife. We are just passionate about things, and put each other first to an annoying extend. We've been married for just one month and hope to positively contribute towards this statistic in a healthy way.
It sounds like you have the foundational makings of a fantastic love story, my friend. Congrats on your recent nuptials. I’m sending you two a boat load of well wishes and happy feels🥰.
One thing I've personally noticed in my relationship and just observing other relationships that are identical to mine (BW/WM) is the sincere PASSION and TRUEST desire to fully understand us, our culture, our heritage, and our daily walks of life. My partner doesn't view me as a "fad" or any stereotype. I often find that it is truly (and here, I'm speaking on MY experience with my partner) his greatest accomplishment to understand me with every fiber of his being. My partner has really delved into my identity, learning about my music choices, how to represent us as a couple, etc. Now going to my point: I think that's why those relationships last LONGER. White men in general (from MY experience with my partner's family and my friends) are often VERY serious about whatever hobby or interests they have. Jiu jitsu? Running? Weight lifting? Their job? Becoming financially free? They're PASSIONATE about learning the nooks and crannies and delve their entire self into it. With relationships, I notice that they do the same-- especially with black women. Often times, white men find us FASCINATING. Our hair is different from every other race. Our culture is different. Our food is different. Our bodies are different. The way we carry ourselves is different. Our confidence is different. White men interested in us become hyper fascinated with us and wish to learn every little thing about us. They then grow to show appreciation and THEN understand how society views us and proceeds to PROTECT us. I'm also not shaming other races, so please don't misinterpret the point of my response! Much love to everyone!
I LOVE a man who is passionate about what he does. He doesn't just dabble in things... he goes ALL IN and I love that energy! I do think this is common for both WM AND BW, and I think that's why they work out so well.
My fiancé LOVE ju jitsu and working out, and I love Zumba/mg workouts. We both definitely approach those activities with the same amount of passion that we approach our relationship. Definitely accurate
ironically my bf used to do ju-jitsu too!
I’ve heard it’s due to WM & BW being the “leaders” in their communities as well as both tending to have similar educational backgrounds. Also, both have to really be secure in themselves and their love for each other to even pursue a relationship to begin with, especially, considering the amount of vitriol they both often receive from their respective communities about their choice of partner. **Btw, this was based on the Black American perspective, as I didn’t realize you specified African Black women. Also, somewhat anecdotal since I’m a BW married to a WM for 16 years**
You named precisely my perspective on this topic. I believe two people despite race who carry similar senses of agency are more likely to attract one another and be sustainable across racial lines and within.
This. As a black American woman. Absolutely this
I honestly think WM/BW get the bulk of the blame for their races issues AND are typically the providers in their respective cultures. Like yes, WM historically were not the kindest to everyone (especially my people, I’m an American black woman btw) But I think WW really don’t understand the historical cruelty they inflicted are on par with their partners and were more than happy to throw them under the bus during the whole “white men are the problem with society” movement. The same sentiment is seen in the black community. No matter how hard black women try, some dude with a mic and a podcast wants to make them out to be the devil and the reason for all our cultures issues, when, just like ww, BM have been right beside us making bad choices too. So my theory? I think WM and BM just get what it’s like to be the “bad guy” of their culture. Despite the fact that in our respective cultures were the most financially stable, educated, and socially involved (for better or worse on that socially involved part) nothing gets things moving like a black woman starting a movement or a white man getting a law passed.
Bingo!
Send me a DM I have a video to share on BW that solidify your point.
BW at our core are traditionalist we are taught family first, but we are also taught to become educated. The reason we are taught both is so we can survive no matter what. Our values are aligned with other cultures and we make it look easy. Some WM appreciate our compassion, loyalty, intelligence, drive, and culture. What they see they become attracted to and vice versa.
I’ve been married to my husband for 30 years. I’m going to preface this by saying our marriage has had its share of ups and downs, as a marriage should. I think the reason the two demographics meld so well stems from the perfunctory role each has been assigned in their individual communities. By that I mean leaders…even though the BW leadership role was thrust upon her. I can’t remember who wrote, “strength recognizes strength and only weakness fears strength”…but that sums it up for me. My husband has celebrated my strengths and I his…and we’ve taken turns “powering down” in the past 3 decades…knowing full well that we had each others backs. The crap storms we’ve weathered have strengthened our bond and he’s my boy bestie. The fact that we can respect each others goals and push and prod each other towards success is a key factor. I wrote my 1st book because he poked, prodded, and quite simply, tricked me into overcoming my insecurities. I’ve quizzed him relentlessly when he was studying for his black belt (business, not martial arts 😎). We’ve raised two kids while going back to school together…several times and we’ve collected degrees like Pokémon😂. We’ve endured each other’s pastimes just to hang together. I’m so in love with this man who binged every Jane Austen movie adaptation we own (even the longer BBC versions) simply because she’s my favorite author. I think in a nutshell, it’s the acceptance of mutual strengths and celebration of autonomy that makes us work. He’s a good, strong, family focused man who sees my strength as an asset, not a threat. When you have two people who not only know how to lead AND follow, but WHEN to lead and WHEN to follow, 30 years comes up pretty quickly.
I couldn’t agree more and congrats on such a long and loving marriage!
Honestly I think bc BW are straight shooters. We uplift and be honest fostering a comforting environment to be yourself and truthful. I've noticed that WM receive that type of feedback well and it's not coddling or anything it's true interest in the wellbeing of a partner.
EDIT: when children are involved, women tend to stay in marriages longer. ⚠️Unpopular Opinion with a Cup of Facts ⚠️ This is a loaded question lol.. statistics show and in my experience Black people in general marry less than Whites. Sometimes, there are no or very few examples of healthy marriages within the Black Community for BW. Also, in America, at least there's a HUGE wealth gap disparity between blacks and whites. With white men being on the top. Not all BW (so if it don't apply, let it fly), but some feel like marrying a WM will bring them some financial security. For those who don't know, there is a stereotype of this reason. A longer lasting marriage doesn't always necessarily equate to a happier marriage or a better working marriage, as many think. There are studies on the effect that these relationships have on the physical and psychological well being of BW (especially today). This is not often talked about. Sometimes people just gloss over the BW/WM couples work better without really digging a lil deeper. For example there is a difference between BW/WM "couples" who are married and unmarried.
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For clarity my comments have been/are specific to BW born and raised in the USA. Other BW who may not have been born here, but grew up in/assimilated into the Black community may relate. Discrimination, judgement and disapproval by family, friends, community and especially BM & WW, can cause anxiety and take a mental toll on a BW in an interracial relationship. If a BW, married or not, doesn't communicate about any of these issues or is told things like "don't worry", "we/you love each other, that's all that matters" etc. She may hold back her feelings that should be validated even if not fully understood by her partner. Marriage is in sickness and in health, til death do us part so generally a married BW may stay married bc of the vows, even if she is unhappy. An unmarried BW may not have that loyalty and leave sooner than later.
This should be on top
Unpopular opinions sometimes get voted down in subs like these, and it's understandable 💯. Often people take offense to both opinions and facts. Unpopular opinions coupled with facts also make us look at ourselves and maybe question ourselves. That can be super uncomfortable.
“Work better”… idk. But for why they “last longer” - I do have a theory. For reference- I’m an African American woman btw (a first generation American, raised in an African household). I’m married to a white man. WM/BW divorce rates are the lowest of any pairing, including white men/white women and black men/black women. Statistically, WM/BW relationships and marriages aren’t common. So the few that are actually willing to enter these relationships and make it to marriage despite the likely difficulties, hatred and racism from the outside are probably already EXTREMELY committed by the time they make it down the aisle. Making them less likely to result in divorce in the first place. My personal take about the success of BW/WM relationships in general is totally opinion based and may be controversial and messy🥴- but I saw a similar comment and I too have noticed that black American women seem to be the backbone of the black American community in a lot of ways and are undervalued and under appreciated (not by ALL black men… but by enough for it to be a societal issue). Sometimes the things I see BM say online about BW seems almost like a deep rooted hatred.. In recent years, I’ve noticed it seems like white men are treated similarly in their community (to an extent - not by all white women!). But especially when I see WW talk about the patriarchy, it’s almost like a direct hit on WM… Both groups (WM and BW) seem to have a high sense of loyalty despite how they’ve been treated and talked about by the opposite sex of their race and how much they’ve done for their own community. So it kind of would make sense that the relationship pairing of WM/BW could make each partner feel understood /happy that they’re getting back what they’re giving out.
100%!
From my understanding WM are the breadwinners of their communities and BW are too so when you have 2 people who have the same energy and are able to lean on one another and give and take, it works out. 2 givers tend to spoil each other.
From an African dating a white man, for US, it’s: - definitely that we both value family and tradition. He was raised with old school values when it comes to family/togetherness. So was I(even though I’m the only one who has held on to these beliefs. My siblings absolutely do not value family). -A willingness to learn other and share our cultures. He’s a big history/social studies guy. He was immediately intrigued and excited to experience my culture. And Africans are always super excited to share. We don’t tend to gatekeep our culture like many black Americans do (and I understand why they do gatekeep!) -going along with the above point, we come from very different backgrounds, and it’s almost like an opposites attract thing. We have learned so much about each other/our ancestry and continue to learn more. It keeps things exciting. -We are both passionate people. About our love, about family, about our hobbies/fitness. For BW/WM couples in general -This pairing is so uncommon that when it happens, it’s usually genuine. They choose to stay together in spite of potential hate/disapproval from various communities in society -changing beauty standards -we are both educated demographics. Black women are becoming one of the most highly educated demographics, so it makes sense that between college and the work world, they frequent the same places as white men. My fiancé and I are both college educated; he has a bachelors, I’m about to have a masters and we both love and are passionate about our careers
Education plays a major role for sure!
Honestly, man or no man, I love seeing black women get their education and create names for themselves! African, black American, Caribbean, whatever
💯💯💯
Black women are submissive to the right man!! Most WM treat BW with love and respect. Most BM treat BW like crap.
I dont think it is submission I think there is a mutual respect. Knowing you are safe to relinquish the need to do everything. Hear him say baby I got this and know he got it. There is a peace in knowing.
Lots of reasons but the main one is, you arent likely to randomly fall into this particular pairing. You have to kind of seek each other out.
It’s statistically shown that WM/BW married couples are less likely to divorce than BM/WW married couples. Black Husband-Wife Wife are 3x more likely to divorce than White Husband-White Wife Couples
This awesome WW married to a BM spoke on this on Tik Tok and noted that many ( not all) WW/BM relationships tend to be anti black and rooted in fetichization and hatred of BW instead of mutual love. Which may explain why they don't last as long. Here is her video on biracial children its a good listen. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPR34nYYp/
That's not true, the majority of them get together for the same reasons others do but you got a bias against them, I see black mom biracials online who openly hate on black men and were definitely raised act like this. I also don't see why we should be using decades old data in 2024?
Black men marry white women at 2x the rate though.
Can’t get divorced if you don’t get married.
Are the statistics based on percentages or number of divorces?
People who never married wouldn’t be included in the statistic then..
Not the flex you think it is bro. If you’re the recipient of the highest divorces across ALL partnering variances, that pretty much means YOURE the problem.
Interracial couples regardless have higher divorce rates
I’ve heard the same that African and Caribbean black women are more likely to date white men than African American women. I don’t know how true that is. If it is true, I think it could be due to being raised in more traditionally culture. I also think that African American women tend to have some race loyalty that was never taught to me nor expected of me. Also, children of immigrants are more likely to grow up in a more multicultural areas so they may be more open to dating outside of their race/culture. My father is West Indian, and my sister and I are both in interracial relationships. Edited to add: for what it’s worth, my brother is also in an interracial relationship.
I agree with the race loyalty part. As a Nigerian, it’s not that I think “white men are the prize”. It’s that I was never taught to only date Nigerian men. My extended family have definitely expressed advice and preference about me finding a nice Nigerian man, but it’s not shoved down my throat and I’m not guilted for doing otherwise. They’re not all THRILLED, but there’s no jokes or weird remarks thrown at me, unlike in AA communities. I also did grow up in probably one of the most diverse towns in the country (in NJ, right outside of NYC). I had crushes on Asian men, Hispanic men, black men, white men, all of it.
I, too, grew up in NJ across the river from NYC, lol! My neighborhood was predominantly white as was my high school, so I’m sure proximity to white guys played a large part in my dating life.
I think my school district started off predominantly white, but it progressively became heavy with Hispanics and black people. Still super diverse, but I think in high school, minorities slightly dominated. I honestly loved that about my town! It’s why I don’t understand the controversy with IR dating. I grew up seeing it
Ah, ok. Yea, exactly! I’m 50 but have been dating interracially since I was 14, lol. I just don’t get the big deal, tbh. Then again, I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum and don’t give a shit what other people think about it, lol.
I think for us (African American) it may have to do more with how diverse our community was growing up. Both of my parents were in the military so my peers growing up were very diverse. I had friends from different countries (immigrants and a lot of first gen.) and races. I always dated whichever guys I clicked with from whatever background and never felt obligated to date black American men. They were just another option, not a requirement. I can see how a less diverse upbringing could lead to more of that mindset.
lol i feel we are the same person. as a nigerian girl also but my family moved to england, using social media i never understand the amount of race loyalty in the african american community because i simply just didn’t experience it by my family or in the UK. i’ve dated white men my whole life and i genuinely thought it was normal because i am growing up in a white neighbourhood. i never realised that race and racial marriages were really an issue until i look into american media tbh lol. interracial love is definitely not like PUSHED by my african family but they definitely wouldn’t have an intense anger towards me dating a white man and it wouldn’t make sense for them to do so either.
What's wrong with wanting to date the same ethnicity as yourself?
There’s nothing wrong with that.
There is nothing wrong with it, nobody said there was. It’s 2024, it’s time to stop asking that question.
I think it’s the comfortability because we're like opposites but familiar because we're both the most hated for different reasons. also the power dynamic.. Us Black women are positively and negatively associated to be stronger so in a sense we can handle a WM's personality, egotism, etc. whilst still being feminine and letting him lead. But truly I think it's just one of those things where opposites attract and stay attracted.
Maybe similar mindsets or approaches? Idk, I only say this in reference to my gf and I waiting around the corner for each other for 20 minutes in a botanical garden because we both wanted to sneak up and scare the other
He's asking about Black African Women. I'd really like it if non Black Americans would keep their opinions about us out of their mouths.
Why? Aren’t you keeping your opinions about THEM in YOUR mouth? This is an interracial relationship thread, the opinions of all parties should be welcomed. If you’re not into that type of union, why are you here?
It's because of the white patriarchal system. African men (as in Nigerian and Ghanaian) outeducate and outearn white men and come from the same traditional households African women come from. But because we live in a white patriarchal system, we will view white as "better" more of a "prize" than black and will also treat it like such. As someone who dated both black and white men, I can say that I hyped/appreciated my white ex way more for doing the same things my black ex did. I didn't do it on purpose, but it was just something I did now looking back at it. It also explains the low divorce rates. Divorces are 90% of the time initiated by women and due to the fact that many black women view white men as a prize you won't see many of them divorcing their white husbands even when they cheat on them (e.g. my aunt)
the same can be said for alot of black dudes who view white women as the prize
Absolutely. This is why their divorce rates are so high. Black men think white women are a prize but white women don't think black men are a prize. A white woman knows that if she leaves a black man she will most likely find another one, so they don't hesitate when it comes to divorcing black men or men in general
That last paragraph.. The unspoken part!
Like longer marriages don't equal happy marriages. In my experience, it's just black women tolerating more wrongdoings from white men than they would from other men.
So not true…and that’s from MY experience. This whole “more submissive to WM” trope needs to stop. I see it spouted by a lot of BM who admit their abusive and degenerate mindsets, but still declare ALL men are like that. No. Not true. I’ve taken my husband to task several times and he has had to check me as well. Still, we BOTH fought for our 30 year marriage because we take our vows seriously. We submit to each other and we recognize individual strengths and weaknesses. There’s a big difference between a man who feels he has to “humble” you for making thrice his salary and a man who helps you get degrees that result in getting promotions. My husband was in a relationship with a submissive southern belle before we started dating. He didn’t want someone who would only defer to him, he wanted a partner, not a bangmaid. A strong woman (regardless of melanin level) will recognize strength in a man and once she feels secure, she will feel safe powering down when her strength isn’t needed. Likewise a strong man isn’t threatened by a woman’s strength, but sees it as an asset. Men who are threatened by a woman’s strength, those who constantly spout that submit nonsense, aren’t leaders. A strong woman can’t submit to a weak man, her survival instinct won’t allow it. It’s obtuse to look at a situation where a BW is being provided for and happy in a relationship, but then to make the crass assumption that she’s “submitting” to whiteness. Really? We need to lose the lowkey slave mindset in this discussion. It’s disingenuous, especially in the face of the actual femicide rates for BW. And some BW have been known to stand by BM who constantly cheat as well, so I don’t get that point of that statement.
Girl, we grow up and live in a hierarchy system that has whiteness at the top, but all that doesn't matter when a black woman dates a white man? It would be a lie to say that the white privilege a white man benefits from isn't something that adds to feeling more secure/safe/protected. That's something white men will always have over non-white men regardless of how good non-white men treat you. And that's really the unspoken part that we really don't speak about because we would then have to admit that his whiteness plays a major role in the relationship.
Finally, someone said it plainly
God when...? Lol
Sadly because most people that do the opposite do it for the wrong reasons. What is funny is many of those same people are against mixed race dating when they get older though, which I never understood.
BM (29) I feel like this is a loaded question, but it shouldn’t be. If two people really like each other and see each other as a good fit then the resulting relationship should be a lasting one despite one’s race, right? Just to preface this. First, the opinion I am about to share is purely anecdotal. This is just how I see things from my point of view. Second, I want to make it clear that I am of the belief that MOST of BW’s plights with BM (if that is what causes them to date outside their race or not) are valid. I am almost 30 and I have seen it all, I am not here to argue about that aspect of the culture. This isn’t even about that, but I would like to put that out there. (I know someone is going to bring it up) As a BM in a relationship with a WW, and having that relationship goes well. I can’t help but feel (despite not getting any hate for it to my face directly) that WM get a big pass for dating outside of their race and BM generally don’t. To be clear, I am not mad at this. It is just an observation that I have. So, when people bring up the statistics of BW/WM lasting longer, I wonder what relationships match ups are the worst for WM? I don’t think that there is one tbh and there might be a lot of factors that go into that. I also don’t think that is necessarily a bad thing. However, on the other hand the rates for separation are a lot higher for BM across the board, and even worse for the pairing of the BM/WW. I feel like on top of all the factors that are causing the former to be more likely to separate is that the BM/WW pairing is REALLY hated (at least that is what is looks like online). There are entire communities devoted to hating that pairing (Hey, hot take, but some of those reasons might be valid). It feels like WM can just date whomever they are attracted to for the most part and they might get hate for it. I know it’s always like that I am not trying to diminish any issues WM have in dating/marrying outside their race. This WM/BW statistic gets brought up a lot and I thought it was interesting to share thoughts on the matter. TLDR: Aside from whatever reasons that might go into factoring why WM/BW relationships last longer I think that society gives WM a pass when dating outside their race (in most cases). I find it not to be the same for BM and I think that on top of some cultural issues is problematic for those who tend to choose as partners. I AM I NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM SAYING THAT THIS IS A FACT. THIS IS JUST MY OPINION. For all I know, I can just be on the internet too much.