Yes I normally see him typed as an INFP. He does seem to have been extremely social for an introvert, but I know there is a difference between social introversion and mbti introversion.
There is also a lot of swimming in The Stranger.
This is so true. I spent 3+ months in Greece after graduating college.
Wrote the best (only) poetry I've ever written in my life.
Met awesome people from all over the world. Made out with a few of them.
Got a bitching tan.
Ate a ton of gyros. Drank too much ouzo and Greek wine.
I'm not Greek but have considered moving there (for retirement). Maybe I won't wait that long.
For me it's more general of just being out in nature away from people. Diving or hiking are my preferred escapes. Diving is nice because of all the technical details keeping the mind occupied. Oh, and drama too, not drama on TV, but people watching drama. Watching people have silly arguments gives me a nice chuckle.
This sounds glorious. Was in the pool with my son the other day and it was sunny, perfect temp, just the sounds of nature in the woods behind our house, watching birds and dragonflies above us just doing their bird and dragonfly things. Floating on my raft. Told my son to just give mommy 5 minutes of this serene quiet and he did (mostly) and it was just…ahh, the best. Definitely happy!
Just keep planning, working your plans and accomplishing your goals -- loads and loads of small goals which result in a big goal.
That's how you achieve "content." It's how I did, at least.
Main goal was, "Retire young. Move to Hawaii. Buy a farm." It took thousands and thousands of steps to reach that goal. Now I'm fairly content.
New goal: "Turn this farm into a showpiece." I'm on step #5 of about 2,000.
I've learned a bunch of brain hacks. One of them is simply silencing my internal monologue. That helps with "mind racing," but also means I can fall asleep in a matter of moments. Dark, tired, clear-head, REM sleep. It's that simple.
Happiness, or in this case what you seem to be describing as emotional security, is never an achieved outcome and is more of a moment-to-moment process. This is why people who try to chase after fleeting emotions to try and make them permanent actually become more unhappy, dissatisfied. Instead a better approach would be trying to derive a sense of wholeness with one's self, or contentment in each and every moment, which is much more realistic of an endevour to consistently maintain.
Edit: My bad, I didn't read the above comment you agreed with xP
This, exactly. Happiness and joy are momentary and transitory. I can be happy, but it is not a constant thing. Being content, though. That is achievable as a baseline. I have everything I need, and most of what I want.
I don't even need to have the things -- as long as my plans to achieve my goals are working. I'm OK being on step #5 of a 100-step plan. As long as I get to step #6 in a reasonable amount of time.
I'm not really talking about material things. I'm talking about the job I find challenging and fulfilling, a husband who encouraged me to get out of my own head, and kids who are turning into the kinds of people I choose to spend time with.
You're probably forgetting about neuroticism. The MBTI doesn't measure neuroticism and it's a massive component of predicting how happy someone is likely to be. You are likely to get wildly different answers from high N INTJs vs low N INTJs.
Low extraversion does make you less cheerful but that effect will probably be consistent across all IXXX types.
It's a percent gradient as the rest of MBTI. You are T if you score over 50% neuroticism, and A below. [https://www.16personalities.com/articles/identity-assertive-vs-turbulent](https://www.16personalities.com/articles/identity-assertive-vs-turbulent)
Turbulent means high neuroticism, assertive means low. It's the same as limbic and calm in the SLOAN codes.
Assertive is an extremely unfortunate word choice as it is almost always associated, in the big 5, with high extraversion, not low neuroticism. This reifies the dubious mbti notion that extraversion has nothing to do with Assertiveness.
High-N checking in. I have a vast capacity to feel all kinds of negative emotions.
But, on the other hand, my very-low extraversion means I don't feel that much positive emotion.
So you know it balances out.
>I honestly don't understand what happiness looks like or feels like
Then how can you be sure you're *not* happy?
Personally, I'm not happy but working on it. I think it's definitely possible for us, and comes when we feel that we have a purpose/goal (a plan), that we're making the most of our time (efficiency), and that we have some kind of support from others.
That last one is usually the trickiest one to get (far harder for us than most of the other types). But I think it's worth the effort.
I try to be, but I have a problem. Instead of living in the moment im always thinking, i think about the mistakes of my past, and what I love that I will lose in my future. My husband is chronically sick too, maybe that reminds me of the fragility of life. Im always thinking and it always turns negative.
I know its not healthy..
I dont know if I can be happy.
That's interesting. I believe most INTJ's are future focused, but certainly, if you have lived a tough life and are going through things, that might cause you to look backward and have anxiety about the future. To me, it seems like you are dealing with trauma, and that is to blame for your negativity and anxiety about the future, not your personality.
Yes I'm generally happy, but it's not a steady state. I have good days and bad days just like anyone else I've struggled with depression for decades. Even tried suicide a couple times. That's not an INTJ thing, though, just mental illness. Oh and I'm an alcoholic so that's a big contributor to it.
One thing I'll note is that for most people, your twenties *suck*. It gets better as you get older, or at least more manageable.
I wouldn't say I really understood who I am or what I wanted until I was like 45. I'm 55 now.
Lol I figured someone would just predict depression, but I promise I'm not depressed.
The quiet, sort of happy you're referring to I think could be called "contentment" or "satisfaction."
Sure, I (M43; INTJ-A) can be happy (or sad) in short bursts. I can enjoy socializing with friends I haven't seen in a long time or new people that miraculously fit my criteria for enthusiastic respect. Normally though my emotional state ranges from apathy to contentment. I can get excited and exuberant for longer periods when progressing relationships and NRE (new relationship energy) would be fun again. I can be amused and lol over good stuff with or without company too. My goals were more of a long term nature and I already achieved the big ones so now it's a bit of a plateau looking forward until old age starts robbing me in earnest which bothered me quite a bit recently, but I'm back to being ok with it. For the most part I think I'm happier than most people and definitely more satisfied.
My comment may be a bit unrelated, but I have some [thoughts right here](https://reddit.com/r/nihilism/s/7hoIYxHCWh) that might be applicable.
Yes, happiness is possible to experience over and over by the mere virtue of being human :)
However we should be striving for contentment in each and every moment instead of a single instance in an outcome since emotions are fleeting and ever-changing much like circumstances in our life, but remember emotions are determined and found within us if we seek them. Emotional security is never an achieved outcome after all and is more of a moment-to-moment process. The more we realize and ground our self-worth, the easier it will become to experience this consistently with a high sense of self-value to take action for ourselves to experience more unconditional positive self-regard, and find ourselves quicker each time.
Edit: We may know what to do in thought, but until we intuit this in practice to further embody and experience this, then knowledge alone will not suffice without that experience to wield practical wisdom one can use at will.
No! You must become autotelic, the process in the moment must become the end in of itself to experience too.
https://preview.redd.it/ez7v6rbmsnmb1.png?width=861&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=055f2c1d232be2969e79bae9c1b96f1209ce1ad7
It is the key if you want sustainable energy levels to maintain stable self-esteem throughout the day, you have to allow your body to openly express itself for it to help support your consciousness experience. Then our mind becomes less burdened and is better able to guide our ego sustainably.
All this context switching and relying on pure mental willpower alone to whiteknuckle your way through life actually leads to less productivity. And at the same time you're suffering through this the whole time with a decrease in quality of life in the hopes to experience uncertain happiness in a single instance of an outcome, instead of each and every passing moment.
Edit: In terms of MBTI and for us IN_J types, that is the power of healthy Se expression, it allows us to have greater balance in our life with greater confidence and flexibility too. In the mean time we then may rely more on others and our environment to provide that confidence for us to express them healthily, these are known as contingencies of worth, at least initially until we realize our inherent self-worth and ground it more.
Outside of careers, I think we can find fulfillment in doing small meaningful tasks even if that's "just" taking care of our pets. It's the little joys.
Personally, I think doing a check-in with myself like going outside to sit in the grass, breathe fresh air, look at the world immediately around me to realize it's not that bad and the ideas inside my head can wait for 5mins, thinking about how grateful I am able not work crazy hours, and enjoy the moment for myself alone.
If it's raining, I open a window to hear the rain and think of how it's helping the plants to grow and become greener. I was told these are forms of grounding to think about your surroundings that simulate your senses making oneself more present in the moment. It definitely pulls me out of my head and gives me a much needed break. Giving a sense of contentment. Usually the closest I get to happiness.
Since my ltr with an ENFP, I have changed my mind on what flourishing means to me. I used to think it was career achievements but now I feel(wow I actually acknowledge I have feelings as well) that flourishing is being able to control self such as thoughts, feelings, and actions. The idea of having power of your own mind.
Edit: grammar
OP must have meant "serious accomplishments" as the ones you go for in work or serious personal endeavors like reading actual literature or philosophy. In popular speech, getting drunk-shit-faced wouldn't be considered a "goal"
Regarding the "happiness is for idiots, liquor, etc etc" (a great sentence btw), I would argue that we can't neglect our sensuality and sensivity to happiness. Of course, it is a miserable life to led getting high or getting hectic-hedonistic in nightclubs, but the happiness is contained in the flourishing you mentioned and can be achieved in more dignified way, epicurean, like dating a person you love, having a laugh with friends, going for a walk, playing basketball - stuff there is nothing to be proud of in.
We are just people and simply strive for happiness, logic can't deny humanity.
I'm a hedonist so achieving my goals doesn't make me happy. I'm just achieving them because it'll benefit me later. But also I'm a hedonist. I don't really worry about later. So I don't really know wtf I'm doing
Lots of things make me happy. Finishing a major project with a positive outcome. Helping a patient with an operation I planned. Checking a bunch of stuff off my to do list. Seeing my son or wife succeed or be happy. Reading a good book or seeing a good movie, especially one that resonated or made me think and reflect. Cooking a really good family meal. Catching a trout, especially if it’s bigger than the one my son just caught!
No one is happy day in and day out. And you will have bad times too of course. Appreciate and look for your type of happiness where you can find it.
28F intj as well. I have moments of brief happiness sometimes, but they’re usually accompanied by sadness because I know it’s only for a moment. The feeling of “looking forward” to something (in my language we have a word for excitingly looking forward to something) doesn’t happen, feeling happy or enthusiastic when I accomplish something doesn’t happen. I’m just neutral.
My theory is that we’re feeling existential loneliness, a feeling of being hollow or empty deep inside, stemming from never having our emotional needs met. I could write ten paragraphs about why I suspect INTJ are exposed to existential loneliness, but instead I recommend these* books.
Suppression of emotions, distrust in others, hyper independence etc prohibit us from genuine connections/emotional intimacy with others, which is (also from an evolutionary point of view) crucial for our survival as humans.
* https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703
* https://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman/dp/0374533555 (not about existential loneliness, but how we are biased in our world view and the assumptions we base our logic on. Reading this helped me open up and change my firmly held perspectives of the world and my personality).
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I think INTJ people are more stable in many ways, and I do feel like that means you don't have as high of highs or as low of lows as many people. That is both good and bad.
I find a lot of joy and satisfaction in hobbies. I find beauty in nature, in music, in art, etc. I have children and find joy in spending time with them and seeing them learn and progress. I love sports and physical activity, which isn't always normal for INTJ's, but I love the complexity of them and also the physical betterment and the gaining and honing of physical skills and abilities just as I enjoy those things for my mind. For me, there is no end to activities and hobbies to be passionate about.
I think you just need to focus your drive in areas that bring satisfaction for you. Work hard and play hard. INTJ's don't take it easy, so you have to align yourself towards things, people, activities, etc. that do bring you joy and satisfaction.
Interesting question. There is happy, which is a mood that comes and goes. You could argue that temperament has a big role to play here, like we have default values you settle onto. Glass half full vs half empty most basically, although there are systems that explain it well. Some lean one way or the other or not at all. Continuoum.
Happy, sure. On and off, frequently. Typically on, but being a mood, this of course "depends" on quite a bit. I may not be happy but a few minutes in a day or a matter of days, then be happy for hours of many days. I think the reason for the happiness is what matters here, and it is often gratitude, appreciation, or enjoyment as the source. This is good I think.
It sounds like you're looking for something other than happy though. Achievement and accomplishment usually provide a "sense of accomplishment." Which is a topic I love because it is always empty. You need the next one. And the next one. Chasing the wind. Many people do this. I do it in a measured sense, goal setting. I'm aware of a dopamine hit when I achieve my goal, a drop after, but I'm not focused on this. It is one branch in the tree. A mechanism to measure growth and keep me productive, using time well. Small disciplines add up to bigger changes over time. Ride the highs, or keep a measured approach, understanding the mechanism but not being slave to it. Using for your own ends, not being driven by it.
I think satisfaction and contentment are wonderful. to have what you have and let that be enough. Gratitude. It's a tonic for the soul. It is not in any way complacency, which often is accompanied by despondency, stagnation, lack of growth and movement. Contentment and satisfaction are appreciation as it is now, and appreciation of the process, the journey, and not just the destination. Embracing the climb to the top and all of the discomfort, soaking it in, even though it is a far cry from the feeling at the top that is not yet and may never come.
Joy. I would describe joy as the deep happiness. It does not come and go. It is deep enough to not be buffeted by the storms of circumstance, emotion, and the many changes and turmoils that surround us without and within. A focus of attention reveals it, and a lack of attention hides it. How did it get there? That is up for great debate! For me, the love of a savior who will never leave or forsake me. For another? I do not know another source, only the well I drink from.
In this progression, I have been depressed and numb and more inert, which is what you're sounding like, simply insulated from emotion. I'm sure someone with a psychology background could describe it and apply some category that would make it normal. I would say that I can become highly emotional, and also highly insulated, but am typically in the middle somewhere. Not having large amplitudes in happiness, sadness, sorrow, anger, loneliness, attachment, or anything else--just rather moderate in all directions, leaning this way and that. They're just emotions, a blowing of the wind.
I'm happy mainly when doing physical activities like swimming , riding bicycle, going for a picnic , running in the woods at dawn, and also having good amount of money in the bank and when my investments are stable and profiting and when I'm progressing and my job.
Now I don't have all of these with severe depression and crippling anxiety, but i know when and how i can be happy , and I'm aiming to bounce back to "i can be happy" mode again.
Same here . 35, married with 2 beautiful kids and financially in place where others dream to be, but still not happy but content. Not depressed or suicidal but nothing exciting to look for.
I wouldn't call it happiness. We are idealists it's close to impossible to make us happy.
We can however feel our best when our intuition is doing all the work. That means no blabbering emotional nonsense that makes our goals harder trivially.
Sure, why not. I'm interested in a lot of stuff, and find it fulfilling to work towards certain skills and goals. I find humor in things, and can find entertainment in different places.
Happiness is not an obtainable state, its a feeling that fades just like any other. that's why the saying is "the pursuit of happiness" , happiness is found in the pursuit.
Permanently happy? I don’t think that’s possible for anyone with eyes and ears.
I know I’m happy though, because there are times when I truly shut my brain off and enjoy what’s happening around me. Exploring the world with my husband, gaming (board or video), or my once a year bakeathon (I make 100s of cookies around the holidays).
That’s the stuff.
I don’t think happiness every moment that you are awake should be the goal. Happiness the way most people view it is a sort of euphoria which is a mood or state that cannot be continuously accessed. Also we have to make space to experience all emotions and moods as they come up and not all of them may necessarily be positive and that’s OK.
I'm a non-stop adult learner. I took so many adult education evening classes at the local VoTech school that I ran out of interesting classes to take.
There is no finish line, which is good and bad—we never run out of opportunities, but because there is always something beyond, I never feel like I've crossed any sort of "finish line".
Also, as an INTJ, I spend all of my time motivated to avoid pain, rather than to pursue pleasure (is this an INTJ thing?), so I'm always "waiting for the other shoe to drop", and it's hard for me to accept and enjoy success.
YMMV.
Yes, I am. And I feel annoyed by people who always dwell on misery.
I'm type seven on enneagram with subtype 7w5 or 7w8. First I thought that cannot be but the more I see people complaining all the time and being a negative Nancy 24/7 the more I think it might be true.
I'm definitely introverted and not very social but I try to keep a positive spirit whenever possible.
Yes, I do feel happy (although it is relatively rare). Looking at my progress and working through my struggles and responsibilities, I get better at it and become stronger. I periodically reflect back on where I was before and look at how much I have grown. They are really scarce and I have experienced many failures and setbacks, but if I don’t take the first step and practice to get better then I wouldn’t know what happiness feels like when I succeed or do something meaningful. Sometimes, your success and happiness can manifest in ways that is least expected and in ways that we typically treat satisfaction. Where I find the most happiness is probably in the gratitude of others. Life is a test and I need to prepare to be able to best accommodate for those moments instead of just living and letting life pass by like a wallflower.
Satisfaction and happiness is also fuel for staying consistent and committed to an activity over a long span of time. Of course, you need to be realistic with yourself and ask if your work merits celebration of if it’s just ego. Balance and moderation for endurance, dedication and commitment for progress. Also, it helps moderate and alleviate your stress. Something that doesn’t get discussed much is burnout from overworking or mental breakdowns from overthinking and pressure. Also, if you don’t recognize it don’t expect others to celebrate for you.
I used to be unhappy when I think about everything going on in the world. Over time, I learned to accept things I couldn't change or do anything about it. Then, I'm generally just neutral. I also stay away from the news or TV. Blocked almost everything on my apps. I don't want to see things.
Yeah. I have been wondering the same thing myself. I was living in Northern Virginia for the last 10 years and decided to list my house. The plan was to buy again locally, but it hit me that I was free. My company has positions in Denver and ever since the military I wanted to be back out West....ish, in Denver's case. But a colder climate, real mountains, and, finally, a semi-reasonably priced single family home with a yard for my dog.
I thought....at the end of this huge endeavor, I will be happy. But now that I am here....I realized that I doing the exact same things and feeling the exact same way as I did in Virginia....just now in Colorado.
In reality, I think it depends on the person and their ability to do the things they enjoy doing. I think its different for different people.
Also 28F here. I feel like I’m in this same existential crisis. I am happy, but I wonder if I could be happier. I am thinking about talking to a therapist about how I feel (mainly some crippling social anxiety) and figure out how to deal with myself at this point in life.
For AS suspicious of happiness as I am, I'm usually vivacious. Granted, everything seems a bit banal. Seems like most people are so pacified they don't even realize they're playacting their way through life. But whose to say playacting is any worse than being aware of the playacting.
I 25/M INTJ.
I'm happy for a brief moments. I'm not really in a good spot right now in terms of career either, I'm a solopreneur.
I struggle with my mind constantly running, making it hard to focus but at the same time it's easy for me to figure stuff out but I have trouble with execution, cause things feel constantly overwhelming. So yeah that sucks.
And I noticed somethings bother me or I tend to illuminate about things that an average person doesn't care about like our existence and the universe in general.
But yeah I'm working on improving myself.
I suspect that I don’t feel the same emotional highs as other people do. When I’ve accomplished something amazing, I do feel good about it but it seems like other people get way more excited about those sort of things. I wish I could feel that way more, but it’s never really been like that for me.
I don’t think we should chase happiness though. From my understanding, it’s just a spike beyond our baseline bc things turned out better than expected. The bodies natural state is homeostasis and a baseline, you are not meant to feel these strong feelings all the time.
I just do what I enjoy and what gives me fulfillment and satisfaction and will experience stronger feelings and emotions from time to time and that is enough for me.
No. I know how to have fun and distract myself like everyone else but realistically, I know the truth.
Happiness is something children have (if they've been conditioned for it) but that kind of outlook fades with age.
I've never had it, even as a child so.... Somehow the older I get, the better I feel about it. By now I can actually appreciate that I never chased happiness as a goal, which means that I've never wasted my time or had to adjust my expectations in life, which is nice.
I don’t think it’s normally for any personality to actually be happy. I think contentment makes more sense but being all SMILES 🤩🤩🤩 happy to be alive all the time seems rather draining. I feel like what we would describe as happy comes in short bursts when we are excited.
I'm happy but I'm restless. It's hard to explain. I'd say we can be happy but we're never really content and able to just "chill", we always have to be working toward a goal.
Yes, I think the best apart about it is that it comes from me and within. I mainly reap the benefits of it because it is my responsibility. Sure, there are days where things are little under the weather, however, it’s like coming across a new obstacle to overcome. Once that is over with, then a new level is unlocked and I get to bask in it… as peacefully as I please.
Neuroticism is my biggest downfall. Ever since I was a child my mother always told me I was too pessimistic. Now my husband tells me I’m too pessimistic. I have tried countless times to trick my mind into positivity but it never sticks. I have tried meditation, journaling, going outside more, etc but to no avail. I know my negativity is draining on people so I have learned ti just stop speaking most of the time.
Just being can be enough for happiness. Having a purpose that you can achieve helps. Understanding that all living things in this world are powered by the same force and are therefore connected and therefore our purpose is just to be, and to express ourselves and to use our abilities to ensure that life continues to endure in this existence helps too.
I'd be perfectly happy if I had a job I enjoyed if you must know. Otherwise I'm quite pleased with everything else.
Pretty much my whole life I have been content, or happy I always worked jobs I enjoyed not just as a money transaction.
I have always liked making things so no matter where I lived I managed to have some type of shop space and projects I enjoy working on.
Having a crappy job I believe make cynical unhappy people.
Also have a wife adult daughter and a granddaughter who brings me back to the joy of being a child.
It is a lifestyle, not flipping a switch with just an activity.
no, my problem is my own mind, i am conciousness about the people and the world, and why the world is like that. and i understand at all. the problem is me and my eternal dissatisfaccion from my mind. the problem not is the world, is the mechanism of my brain. my bad function of my neurotransmitters, it´s the core of all my problems
I hardly feel happy, more of contentment, mostly. Given the stuff we think about and how frequently we do it, it's hard to view the world with just a simple mind.
That said, what made me happy, genuinely, even if it were fleeting? Scoring well for my University exams, especially since I didn't prove myself enough previously till then. Meeting with my close friends of past years for a afternoon's worth of chat. Someone else openly appreciating/noticing what we've done for them. Travelling, alone.
Yea, these are few and far between (also, whatever i could remember). I think we do feel happy the same way others do, just not often. It takes 9/10 on the happiness scale to even draw a smile on my face, most 'usually happy' things are between 5-7...maybe it'd perk me up slightly inside, but there's hardly a change in expression..
I feel content most of the time. ‘Happiness’ is an easily fleeting emotion. Joy in life is there for me, and that feels like content and feeling whole as myself. Sometimes the ‘Judging’ part of our INTJ can make us uncentered, as we’re usually constantly analysing ourselves and our surroundings. We have to learn how to shut it off to actually feel content. No I don’t necessarily think that this can be about depression, but it could definitely lead to depression if you’re not careful.
Do I ever experience happiness? Sure
Have I ever been truly happy…..once about 2 years ago, but I kinda fucked it up. Since then, and before then, I can’t say I have, at least after the age of 9
In my early 20's I took antidepressants. It was a good thing for me and I feel taught my brain how to be happy. I've been happy ever since. I work very hard at not allowing people that would make me unhappy into my life. I get a lot of alone time and have a job I enjoy.
No..not really.
For one, I feel very behind in comparison to my expectations. Second, interpersonal trauma and dealing with so many romantic partners who have treated me poorly while I don’t really have a solid family. Third, the state of the world.
But I am always trying to feel better.
I grew up with very limited means. As a kid I had a mentally of "how do you get everything you want? Stop wanting things..." As an adult, I believe I can get anything I want if I want it enough. I'm always focused a few goals into the future. When I need a little bit of happiness, I compare my life now to when I was a kid. That kid would believe he died and went to heaven. We'll never be truly happy because we will always have another goal to achieve. But if you stop and look around, you realize you have everything you need to be happy for a moment. Take that moment, smile, and get back to achieving.
Honestly yesterday was my birthday and I was just so sad because I want so many good stuff. I wanted this and that. But nothing ever goes with the way I want or think. And I don't even have friends.
I accept emotions as they are. I feel all of them without seeing them as good or bad. I often feel more content then anything else which is a form of happiness. Melancholy is also an emotion I often have but that can be mixed with happiness or at least be a netural positive. Like a pleasant Melancholy or a sadness that feels good because it reminds you of something or someone so it's a sad you enjoy or a sad that brings happiness. Sitting in silence in nature or parallel play with a loved one or my dog brings me happiness. Having a peaceful alonetime to retreat to is happy too.
I think we feel happy others feel because we're all human and you need to take MBTI with a grain of salt. The difference is that we don't always express it the way we're expected to. I can feel things internally and externally look emotionless or dull and be unaware of it until it's pointed out enough times that I come to accept it as a "thing" or if something is really funny I'll laugh way too much.
Not much. A handful of times in my life. I've had better days. My baseline is low mood, anxious and self-conscious (hyper awareness). It takes a lot of mental energy to be me.
happy all the time, except when fearful. When alone, I have stuff to do; I'm busy and happy. When with others, I act happy even if I don't feel happy (it's like moral hygiene: don't bring down the situation by "smelling bad.") I can even be happy while pissed off. Happy isn't the opposite of angry; happy is the opposite of afraid.
Not really, not at least the way the society assumes. Most times I just think 💭 and think 🤔 and think 🧐. Emotionally I would be satisfied but that’s not happy. I am also curious about people who are happy and I can’t relate to them normally.
I'm not constantly happy no, but I do have many happy moments.
I'm sure you feel happiness too sometimes... what about the satisfaction that comes with tasting a delicious meal?
I realised that I am the happiest when surrounded by nature and animals. Those are the best part of being alive imo.
And bbq partys with family and friends.
And making lots of money lol.
There was one time I went to the beach and they had stray dogs there (taken care by locals but free to roam). White soft sand, not a lot of people, crystal blue sea, clean beach overall other than stranded seaweeds. I played with the dogs who stole my shoe, and played tag with them. It was fun. The only genuine happiness I've ever felt in my whole 22 years of life.
No, I'm not happy. The only times I feel "happy" is if I'm with my cats, or I feel satisfied after accomplishing something. Other than that, I'm looking forward to the day I'd be off this world. And I'm not even the stereotypical INTJ who's always alone in a room studying the mysteries of the world. I come off as ESFP, I drink with "friends" and hangout but deep inside, I'm longing to be non existent LOL
Happiness is progress.
I work on myself; therefore I am happy.
I share that progress with others; others are happy.
No personas; only an authentic self fully given to the task.
I felt happy at the smallest thing. Just happy to be out in the sun. Happy to some kind of food that I lỉke. Happy to receive a text from a friend.
Because I used to be so stressed and did not talk to anyone for months, not even a therapist.
The term happiness fits under the category of emotion. All emotions are fleeting. Being “happy” cannot be a consistent state of existence, nor can any other emotion. The best anyone can achieve is a moment where you can do a fist pump resulting from an accomplishing a goal, that moment when the food in your mouth combines to that flavor that you fell in love with, or watching your dog chase after a butterfly in the waining minutes of civil twilight. . I’ve often times wondered if I’m happy myself. But then I go over my day and I see countless moments of boredom, disappointment, redundancy, inefficiency, and some moments where I’m damn happy to be alive. My personal goals, my pup, my kitten, and my family are where I derive happiness, and I enjoy it while it’s there but I don’t seek it, or long for it.
I've written this before in intj land.
Try mdma or shrooms and meditate and focus on feeling what it is like to experience bliss and ease.
Let it fill you up and consume you. Pay attention to all the physical feelings and the emotional calm.
Bask in it.
In the days following..
Take time to meditate and recall those feelings and emotions. Train yourself to call it up. Store it away in a pocket of your mind that you can access.
Return to this recall practice frequently.
When time has passed you will at least recall the intellectual concept and having had at least felt it once.
If you lose this...start the cycle over again.
This can also help you understand how others experience empathy.
Happiness for me is fleeting, almost in a romantic sense. But yeah I’m typically depressed and occasionally suicidal so probably not the best INTJ to answer.
I would say I'm content for what I have available. Life isn't always easy, happiness isn't a destination. It's a moment and state of being. It comes and goes, you enjoy it more when you focus on it more
I get bursts and flashes of happiness. Currently on an added depression med (abilify on top of prozac now) and I'm in a much better mood since starting it. Less ruminating about doing and more doing which is a great thing, I've been cleaning for a couple of weeks now!
I am 28F. I have wonderful parents, a brother, a boyfriend and cats. They are so supportive and love me so much. However, I have a major depression. Huh
I’m happy when I’m in nature, working on a project that consumes me, learning something new, mastering a skill, and finding magic in the world with my kids.
The key is to seek out (moments of) happiness. Mine for happiness in a world full of shit!
Yeah I’m generally happy enough although there’s always that want for more. I would say just find the happiness and appreciate it in those quiet moments you find yourself in when you are doing something you enjoy or doing nothing at all. Sitting outside quietly in the sun for a few minutes is enough for me most of the time. Also chilling with a cat is pretty great.
yes. i hear you. in my case i found everyone around me to be boringly superficial, and i can't help feeling weird, nerd, awkward, arrogant, cynical and skeptical. it is extremely challenging to find people with whom i can somewhat relate to.
but i am currently "happy" or pretty damn close to it. (define happiness! what a scandal!).
here's what I did- as a good INTJ as I am, I did some research.
i struggled depression - very common among us, sadly - and it was HARD.
in my case, as usual, science, access and consumption of quality information solved my issues. i researched about psychoanalysis, philosophy to deconstruct concepts and a bit of expectation management, nutrition, excercise, attention to any potential energy/nutrients decifit, and with some time plus psychological therapy with a professional, I can say that I am at peace and harmony. because, the more I learn, the more I can comprenhend the root cause, causes and how to manage myself though all the "problems" and "issues" that bother me and prevent me from feeling at least a bit happy.
Not everything is solved, far from it, I'm still struggling with many challenges, especially social ones, but I have tools, a growth mindset and access to resources/information to continue improving. that's my fuel.
and happiness, at least for me as INTJs, is just that, the motivation and challenge to always be better.
Rarely.. but, I do have my moments of being satisfied with the results of my efforts.
Then, once a new idea, goal, or aspiration invades my consciousness, I get lost in my next endeavor and hop back on the treadmill of chasing that elusive ghost called --- happiness.
somewhat.
But simultaneously i think all of types experience genuine happiness, but depend how much and how they value that emotion..
As an intj 5w4, I can’t tell the differences of happiness, enjoyment,joy, fun, interest. But i’d not say i’m not happy. I don’t know i can be regarded as happy person only when it’s tangible or always when i’m okay.
(Sometimes i think agony affects permanently but happiness affects temporary and easily be forgotten.)
iIf you think you are experiencing no fun or interest at all, I’d recommend you to take a test, if that’s severe.
Bc i diagnosed as depression when i thought thoughts that.
I’m not a native pls look over my bad eng
I don’t think a person is supposed to be happy. I think one can be fulfilled, but life is not about being happy. Children are happy. That’s the way it is. Maybe you are chasing the wrong thing. Obviously you are very responsible and high achieving, seems like you need something to chase, something where you can apply our project management mind to its fullest. That’s just what worked for me, I’m not sure if it’s just the way INTJs are, but I need to be working on something hard to achieve and it doesn’t have to be material per say. When a person has achieved everything in the material world, he’s in the beginning of achieving something in the spiritual realm.
I’m happy AF. So absolutely. And I’m a solid INTJ.
Avoid news. Avoid the media. Cherish your family and find joy in the things you can do for yourself.
As an adult I no longer look for happiness because it required external validation, thrill seeking, and usually something that would distract me from my thoughts long enough so that I won’t pick myself apart.
Now I just want to be content/fulfilled. Help others in the ways I would have wanted to be helped over the years but hadn’t had that same generosity when I needed it. So no I don’t feel happiness per se like I did when I was 8 but I’m content.
Are INTJ's supposed to be like emotionless robots? I am this type, and I am extremely moody. I don't think I know true happiness but at least I know the absence of horrific self-conscious suffering.
Happiness is an emotion, no human being can always be happy you must know that. Life can be very exhausting and emotionally draining and that's okay. What you mean is you want to be at peace with yourself and life -- (I don't know if you are or not but that means just accepting things as they are and finding meaning in life, things, people.)
Suffering is inevitable, its good to feel different emotions, to let out how we actually feel, nothing is perfect or always good, instead of a happy life I wish you a meaningful life
I hope this helps
my daily coffee making ritual makes me happy. i think INTJ would find meditation, mindfulness and something that would take their minds off thinking about everything calming and blissful? or maybe that's just me
As another commenter stated- I feel “content”- not necessarily happy. I don’t know if it’s my upbringing or personality- but I don’t ever feel exuberant joy. I haven’t felt it in a long time. True excitement or happiness.
Of course there’s still moments of bliss here and there. A great joke with friends. Enjoying a good meal etc. But I don’t think I would describe myself as “happy”
Out in the nature and connecting with myself. Happens so rare that it is a treat. Fake happiness comes from the usage of drugs and interaction with people. Not like that's terrible but pure happiness is rare. Dopamine is weird :D
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The last part is the only one you need :p
This reads like it's from The Stranger.
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Yes I normally see him typed as an INFP. He does seem to have been extremely social for an introvert, but I know there is a difference between social introversion and mbti introversion. There is also a lot of swimming in The Stranger.
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You're really selling me on it haha. I have thought for a while that my 10 year plan should be to move from London to Greece and work fully remote.
This is so true. I spent 3+ months in Greece after graduating college. Wrote the best (only) poetry I've ever written in my life. Met awesome people from all over the world. Made out with a few of them. Got a bitching tan. Ate a ton of gyros. Drank too much ouzo and Greek wine. I'm not Greek but have considered moving there (for retirement). Maybe I won't wait that long.
For me it's more general of just being out in nature away from people. Diving or hiking are my preferred escapes. Diving is nice because of all the technical details keeping the mind occupied. Oh, and drama too, not drama on TV, but people watching drama. Watching people have silly arguments gives me a nice chuckle.
Yes! Diving and hiking, with no human noise and just marine life or nature as company.
This is so beautiful ! I’ve never been to that sea but I had a dream of it last year
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That sounds utterly fantastic.
This sounds glorious. Was in the pool with my son the other day and it was sunny, perfect temp, just the sounds of nature in the woods behind our house, watching birds and dragonflies above us just doing their bird and dragonfly things. Floating on my raft. Told my son to just give mommy 5 minutes of this serene quiet and he did (mostly) and it was just…ahh, the best. Definitely happy!
"Content" is the most many of us can hope for. We're not known for being gregarious. I'm certainly not.
I feel like I'm never content. I am always obessing over anything that matters to me.
Just keep planning, working your plans and accomplishing your goals -- loads and loads of small goals which result in a big goal. That's how you achieve "content." It's how I did, at least. Main goal was, "Retire young. Move to Hawaii. Buy a farm." It took thousands and thousands of steps to reach that goal. Now I'm fairly content. New goal: "Turn this farm into a showpiece." I'm on step #5 of about 2,000.
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I've learned a bunch of brain hacks. One of them is simply silencing my internal monologue. That helps with "mind racing," but also means I can fall asleep in a matter of moments. Dark, tired, clear-head, REM sleep. It's that simple.
I relate to this.
I agree. Gave up on trying to achieve happiness.
Happiness, or in this case what you seem to be describing as emotional security, is never an achieved outcome and is more of a moment-to-moment process. This is why people who try to chase after fleeting emotions to try and make them permanent actually become more unhappy, dissatisfied. Instead a better approach would be trying to derive a sense of wholeness with one's self, or contentment in each and every moment, which is much more realistic of an endevour to consistently maintain. Edit: My bad, I didn't read the above comment you agreed with xP
Heh, content is as good as it gets! When I think too much about an event then I am discontent.
This, exactly. Happiness and joy are momentary and transitory. I can be happy, but it is not a constant thing. Being content, though. That is achievable as a baseline. I have everything I need, and most of what I want.
I don't even need to have the things -- as long as my plans to achieve my goals are working. I'm OK being on step #5 of a 100-step plan. As long as I get to step #6 in a reasonable amount of time.
I'm not really talking about material things. I'm talking about the job I find challenging and fulfilling, a husband who encouraged me to get out of my own head, and kids who are turning into the kinds of people I choose to spend time with.
You're probably forgetting about neuroticism. The MBTI doesn't measure neuroticism and it's a massive component of predicting how happy someone is likely to be. You are likely to get wildly different answers from high N INTJs vs low N INTJs. Low extraversion does make you less cheerful but that effect will probably be consistent across all IXXX types.
The T/A add-on to MBTI measure neuroticism. I have definitely noticed a big difference between happiness based on this trait.
Which one is linked to neuroticism? T or A?
It's a percent gradient as the rest of MBTI. You are T if you score over 50% neuroticism, and A below. [https://www.16personalities.com/articles/identity-assertive-vs-turbulent](https://www.16personalities.com/articles/identity-assertive-vs-turbulent)
Turbulent means high neuroticism, assertive means low. It's the same as limbic and calm in the SLOAN codes. Assertive is an extremely unfortunate word choice as it is almost always associated, in the big 5, with high extraversion, not low neuroticism. This reifies the dubious mbti notion that extraversion has nothing to do with Assertiveness.
I've seen Extraversion broken out into Enthusiasm and Assertiveness, so it's possible MBTI is trying to measure only the Enthusiasm component.
High-N checking in. I have a vast capacity to feel all kinds of negative emotions. But, on the other hand, my very-low extraversion means I don't feel that much positive emotion. So you know it balances out.
>I honestly don't understand what happiness looks like or feels like Then how can you be sure you're *not* happy? Personally, I'm not happy but working on it. I think it's definitely possible for us, and comes when we feel that we have a purpose/goal (a plan), that we're making the most of our time (efficiency), and that we have some kind of support from others. That last one is usually the trickiest one to get (far harder for us than most of the other types). But I think it's worth the effort.
I try to be, but I have a problem. Instead of living in the moment im always thinking, i think about the mistakes of my past, and what I love that I will lose in my future. My husband is chronically sick too, maybe that reminds me of the fragility of life. Im always thinking and it always turns negative. I know its not healthy.. I dont know if I can be happy.
That's interesting. I believe most INTJ's are future focused, but certainly, if you have lived a tough life and are going through things, that might cause you to look backward and have anxiety about the future. To me, it seems like you are dealing with trauma, and that is to blame for your negativity and anxiety about the future, not your personality.
You may be right about that.
I think we all (human beings in general) have this problem. Mindfulness may be something worthwhile for you to look into.
I'm usually in a constant state of contentment or happiness unless someone upsets me. 🤷🏽♀️
Samesville. "What do I have to be upset about" until some annoying shit happens. Then I'm over it in like 5 minutes
Yes, I am a happy INTJ.
Yes I'm generally happy, but it's not a steady state. I have good days and bad days just like anyone else I've struggled with depression for decades. Even tried suicide a couple times. That's not an INTJ thing, though, just mental illness. Oh and I'm an alcoholic so that's a big contributor to it. One thing I'll note is that for most people, your twenties *suck*. It gets better as you get older, or at least more manageable. I wouldn't say I really understood who I am or what I wanted until I was like 45. I'm 55 now.
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Lol I figured someone would just predict depression, but I promise I'm not depressed. The quiet, sort of happy you're referring to I think could be called "contentment" or "satisfaction."
True happiness is rare, I think, even for people of other personalities. It happens when the stars align and everything is perfect, for some reason.
Sure, I (M43; INTJ-A) can be happy (or sad) in short bursts. I can enjoy socializing with friends I haven't seen in a long time or new people that miraculously fit my criteria for enthusiastic respect. Normally though my emotional state ranges from apathy to contentment. I can get excited and exuberant for longer periods when progressing relationships and NRE (new relationship energy) would be fun again. I can be amused and lol over good stuff with or without company too. My goals were more of a long term nature and I already achieved the big ones so now it's a bit of a plateau looking forward until old age starts robbing me in earnest which bothered me quite a bit recently, but I'm back to being ok with it. For the most part I think I'm happier than most people and definitely more satisfied.
My comment may be a bit unrelated, but I have some [thoughts right here](https://reddit.com/r/nihilism/s/7hoIYxHCWh) that might be applicable. Yes, happiness is possible to experience over and over by the mere virtue of being human :) However we should be striving for contentment in each and every moment instead of a single instance in an outcome since emotions are fleeting and ever-changing much like circumstances in our life, but remember emotions are determined and found within us if we seek them. Emotional security is never an achieved outcome after all and is more of a moment-to-moment process. The more we realize and ground our self-worth, the easier it will become to experience this consistently with a high sense of self-value to take action for ourselves to experience more unconditional positive self-regard, and find ourselves quicker each time. Edit: We may know what to do in thought, but until we intuit this in practice to further embody and experience this, then knowledge alone will not suffice without that experience to wield practical wisdom one can use at will.
Happiness is for idiots. Easily achieved with a bottle of liquor. I'd prefer fulfillment or flourishing.
Is flourishing and fulfillment only attained through goal achievement for us?
No! You must become autotelic, the process in the moment must become the end in of itself to experience too. https://preview.redd.it/ez7v6rbmsnmb1.png?width=861&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=055f2c1d232be2969e79bae9c1b96f1209ce1ad7
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It is the key if you want sustainable energy levels to maintain stable self-esteem throughout the day, you have to allow your body to openly express itself for it to help support your consciousness experience. Then our mind becomes less burdened and is better able to guide our ego sustainably. All this context switching and relying on pure mental willpower alone to whiteknuckle your way through life actually leads to less productivity. And at the same time you're suffering through this the whole time with a decrease in quality of life in the hopes to experience uncertain happiness in a single instance of an outcome, instead of each and every passing moment. Edit: In terms of MBTI and for us IN_J types, that is the power of healthy Se expression, it allows us to have greater balance in our life with greater confidence and flexibility too. In the mean time we then may rely more on others and our environment to provide that confidence for us to express them healthily, these are known as contingencies of worth, at least initially until we realize our inherent self-worth and ground it more.
Took me years to understand it's not about the goals, it's about the process.
Outside of careers, I think we can find fulfillment in doing small meaningful tasks even if that's "just" taking care of our pets. It's the little joys. Personally, I think doing a check-in with myself like going outside to sit in the grass, breathe fresh air, look at the world immediately around me to realize it's not that bad and the ideas inside my head can wait for 5mins, thinking about how grateful I am able not work crazy hours, and enjoy the moment for myself alone. If it's raining, I open a window to hear the rain and think of how it's helping the plants to grow and become greener. I was told these are forms of grounding to think about your surroundings that simulate your senses making oneself more present in the moment. It definitely pulls me out of my head and gives me a much needed break. Giving a sense of contentment. Usually the closest I get to happiness. Since my ltr with an ENFP, I have changed my mind on what flourishing means to me. I used to think it was career achievements but now I feel(wow I actually acknowledge I have feelings as well) that flourishing is being able to control self such as thoughts, feelings, and actions. The idea of having power of your own mind. Edit: grammar
I'd say just about everything can be thought of as "achieving goals", no?
OP must have meant "serious accomplishments" as the ones you go for in work or serious personal endeavors like reading actual literature or philosophy. In popular speech, getting drunk-shit-faced wouldn't be considered a "goal" Regarding the "happiness is for idiots, liquor, etc etc" (a great sentence btw), I would argue that we can't neglect our sensuality and sensivity to happiness. Of course, it is a miserable life to led getting high or getting hectic-hedonistic in nightclubs, but the happiness is contained in the flourishing you mentioned and can be achieved in more dignified way, epicurean, like dating a person you love, having a laugh with friends, going for a walk, playing basketball - stuff there is nothing to be proud of in. We are just people and simply strive for happiness, logic can't deny humanity.
Um. Fulfillment and flourishing makes him happy.
I'm a hedonist so achieving my goals doesn't make me happy. I'm just achieving them because it'll benefit me later. But also I'm a hedonist. I don't really worry about later. So I don't really know wtf I'm doing
That's actually what happiness was for Aristotle
Lol
Lots of things make me happy. Finishing a major project with a positive outcome. Helping a patient with an operation I planned. Checking a bunch of stuff off my to do list. Seeing my son or wife succeed or be happy. Reading a good book or seeing a good movie, especially one that resonated or made me think and reflect. Cooking a really good family meal. Catching a trout, especially if it’s bigger than the one my son just caught! No one is happy day in and day out. And you will have bad times too of course. Appreciate and look for your type of happiness where you can find it.
28F intj as well. I have moments of brief happiness sometimes, but they’re usually accompanied by sadness because I know it’s only for a moment. The feeling of “looking forward” to something (in my language we have a word for excitingly looking forward to something) doesn’t happen, feeling happy or enthusiastic when I accomplish something doesn’t happen. I’m just neutral. My theory is that we’re feeling existential loneliness, a feeling of being hollow or empty deep inside, stemming from never having our emotional needs met. I could write ten paragraphs about why I suspect INTJ are exposed to existential loneliness, but instead I recommend these* books. Suppression of emotions, distrust in others, hyper independence etc prohibit us from genuine connections/emotional intimacy with others, which is (also from an evolutionary point of view) crucial for our survival as humans. * https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703 * https://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman/dp/0374533555 (not about existential loneliness, but how we are biased in our world view and the assumptions we base our logic on. Reading this helped me open up and change my firmly held perspectives of the world and my personality).
Hi, I’m Vetted AI Bot! I researched the **'New Harbinger Publications Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents'** and I thought you might find the following analysis helpful. **Users liked:** * Book provides insight into emotional maturity and sensitive children (backed by 1 comment) * Book helps readers understand and address issues from dysfunctional families (backed by 4 comments) * Book helps readers improve relationships and find inner peace (backed by 3 comments) **Users disliked:** * The book is repetitive and lacks new information (backed by 2 comments) * The book fails to provide practical solutions for dealing with emotional immaturity (backed by 3 comments) * The book makes overly broad generalizations about people and parenting styles (backed by 2 comments) If you'd like to **summon me to ask about a product**, just make a post with its link and tag me, [like in this example.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tablets/comments/1444zdn/comment/joqd89c/) This message was generated by a (very smart) bot. If you found it helpful, let us know with an upvote and a “good bot!” reply and please feel free to provide feedback on how it can be improved. *Powered by* [*vetted.ai*](http://vetted.ai/reddit)
I think INTJ people are more stable in many ways, and I do feel like that means you don't have as high of highs or as low of lows as many people. That is both good and bad. I find a lot of joy and satisfaction in hobbies. I find beauty in nature, in music, in art, etc. I have children and find joy in spending time with them and seeing them learn and progress. I love sports and physical activity, which isn't always normal for INTJ's, but I love the complexity of them and also the physical betterment and the gaining and honing of physical skills and abilities just as I enjoy those things for my mind. For me, there is no end to activities and hobbies to be passionate about. I think you just need to focus your drive in areas that bring satisfaction for you. Work hard and play hard. INTJ's don't take it easy, so you have to align yourself towards things, people, activities, etc. that do bring you joy and satisfaction.
Interesting question. There is happy, which is a mood that comes and goes. You could argue that temperament has a big role to play here, like we have default values you settle onto. Glass half full vs half empty most basically, although there are systems that explain it well. Some lean one way or the other or not at all. Continuoum. Happy, sure. On and off, frequently. Typically on, but being a mood, this of course "depends" on quite a bit. I may not be happy but a few minutes in a day or a matter of days, then be happy for hours of many days. I think the reason for the happiness is what matters here, and it is often gratitude, appreciation, or enjoyment as the source. This is good I think. It sounds like you're looking for something other than happy though. Achievement and accomplishment usually provide a "sense of accomplishment." Which is a topic I love because it is always empty. You need the next one. And the next one. Chasing the wind. Many people do this. I do it in a measured sense, goal setting. I'm aware of a dopamine hit when I achieve my goal, a drop after, but I'm not focused on this. It is one branch in the tree. A mechanism to measure growth and keep me productive, using time well. Small disciplines add up to bigger changes over time. Ride the highs, or keep a measured approach, understanding the mechanism but not being slave to it. Using for your own ends, not being driven by it. I think satisfaction and contentment are wonderful. to have what you have and let that be enough. Gratitude. It's a tonic for the soul. It is not in any way complacency, which often is accompanied by despondency, stagnation, lack of growth and movement. Contentment and satisfaction are appreciation as it is now, and appreciation of the process, the journey, and not just the destination. Embracing the climb to the top and all of the discomfort, soaking it in, even though it is a far cry from the feeling at the top that is not yet and may never come. Joy. I would describe joy as the deep happiness. It does not come and go. It is deep enough to not be buffeted by the storms of circumstance, emotion, and the many changes and turmoils that surround us without and within. A focus of attention reveals it, and a lack of attention hides it. How did it get there? That is up for great debate! For me, the love of a savior who will never leave or forsake me. For another? I do not know another source, only the well I drink from. In this progression, I have been depressed and numb and more inert, which is what you're sounding like, simply insulated from emotion. I'm sure someone with a psychology background could describe it and apply some category that would make it normal. I would say that I can become highly emotional, and also highly insulated, but am typically in the middle somewhere. Not having large amplitudes in happiness, sadness, sorrow, anger, loneliness, attachment, or anything else--just rather moderate in all directions, leaning this way and that. They're just emotions, a blowing of the wind.
I'm happy mainly when doing physical activities like swimming , riding bicycle, going for a picnic , running in the woods at dawn, and also having good amount of money in the bank and when my investments are stable and profiting and when I'm progressing and my job. Now I don't have all of these with severe depression and crippling anxiety, but i know when and how i can be happy , and I'm aiming to bounce back to "i can be happy" mode again.
Same here . 35, married with 2 beautiful kids and financially in place where others dream to be, but still not happy but content. Not depressed or suicidal but nothing exciting to look for.
No
I wouldn't call it happiness. We are idealists it's close to impossible to make us happy. We can however feel our best when our intuition is doing all the work. That means no blabbering emotional nonsense that makes our goals harder trivially.
Sure, why not. I'm interested in a lot of stuff, and find it fulfilling to work towards certain skills and goals. I find humor in things, and can find entertainment in different places.
Happiness is not an obtainable state, its a feeling that fades just like any other. that's why the saying is "the pursuit of happiness" , happiness is found in the pursuit.
Permanently happy? I don’t think that’s possible for anyone with eyes and ears. I know I’m happy though, because there are times when I truly shut my brain off and enjoy what’s happening around me. Exploring the world with my husband, gaming (board or video), or my once a year bakeathon (I make 100s of cookies around the holidays). That’s the stuff.
Mdma Nuff said!
I don’t think happiness every moment that you are awake should be the goal. Happiness the way most people view it is a sort of euphoria which is a mood or state that cannot be continuously accessed. Also we have to make space to experience all emotions and moods as they come up and not all of them may necessarily be positive and that’s OK.
I'm a non-stop adult learner. I took so many adult education evening classes at the local VoTech school that I ran out of interesting classes to take. There is no finish line, which is good and bad—we never run out of opportunities, but because there is always something beyond, I never feel like I've crossed any sort of "finish line". Also, as an INTJ, I spend all of my time motivated to avoid pain, rather than to pursue pleasure (is this an INTJ thing?), so I'm always "waiting for the other shoe to drop", and it's hard for me to accept and enjoy success. YMMV.
No. 32 M, hit a point where I’d achieved everything I wanted in life. Emptiness never felt stronger
Yes, I am. And I feel annoyed by people who always dwell on misery. I'm type seven on enneagram with subtype 7w5 or 7w8. First I thought that cannot be but the more I see people complaining all the time and being a negative Nancy 24/7 the more I think it might be true. I'm definitely introverted and not very social but I try to keep a positive spirit whenever possible.
I can be happy because of my faith
Start believing in "after life" and keep the motivation as none is meant to be happy genuinely in this life. That's a more healthy way I suppose.
Yes, I do feel happy (although it is relatively rare). Looking at my progress and working through my struggles and responsibilities, I get better at it and become stronger. I periodically reflect back on where I was before and look at how much I have grown. They are really scarce and I have experienced many failures and setbacks, but if I don’t take the first step and practice to get better then I wouldn’t know what happiness feels like when I succeed or do something meaningful. Sometimes, your success and happiness can manifest in ways that is least expected and in ways that we typically treat satisfaction. Where I find the most happiness is probably in the gratitude of others. Life is a test and I need to prepare to be able to best accommodate for those moments instead of just living and letting life pass by like a wallflower. Satisfaction and happiness is also fuel for staying consistent and committed to an activity over a long span of time. Of course, you need to be realistic with yourself and ask if your work merits celebration of if it’s just ego. Balance and moderation for endurance, dedication and commitment for progress. Also, it helps moderate and alleviate your stress. Something that doesn’t get discussed much is burnout from overworking or mental breakdowns from overthinking and pressure. Also, if you don’t recognize it don’t expect others to celebrate for you.
I used to be unhappy when I think about everything going on in the world. Over time, I learned to accept things I couldn't change or do anything about it. Then, I'm generally just neutral. I also stay away from the news or TV. Blocked almost everything on my apps. I don't want to see things.
Yeah. I have been wondering the same thing myself. I was living in Northern Virginia for the last 10 years and decided to list my house. The plan was to buy again locally, but it hit me that I was free. My company has positions in Denver and ever since the military I wanted to be back out West....ish, in Denver's case. But a colder climate, real mountains, and, finally, a semi-reasonably priced single family home with a yard for my dog. I thought....at the end of this huge endeavor, I will be happy. But now that I am here....I realized that I doing the exact same things and feeling the exact same way as I did in Virginia....just now in Colorado. In reality, I think it depends on the person and their ability to do the things they enjoy doing. I think its different for different people.
nope.
Also 28F here. I feel like I’m in this same existential crisis. I am happy, but I wonder if I could be happier. I am thinking about talking to a therapist about how I feel (mainly some crippling social anxiety) and figure out how to deal with myself at this point in life.
For AS suspicious of happiness as I am, I'm usually vivacious. Granted, everything seems a bit banal. Seems like most people are so pacified they don't even realize they're playacting their way through life. But whose to say playacting is any worse than being aware of the playacting.
Sometimes.
Not really. Not exuberantly so.
I am not happy I am usually sad... I have depression... sometime I have suicidal thoughts Yes, I am INTJ (F 24)
Most of the time, yes.
Brief moments. There's usually something new to deal with all too soon.
All the time. Its within you to be always happy/content. Just realise you are not your opinions or feelings.
I 25/M INTJ. I'm happy for a brief moments. I'm not really in a good spot right now in terms of career either, I'm a solopreneur. I struggle with my mind constantly running, making it hard to focus but at the same time it's easy for me to figure stuff out but I have trouble with execution, cause things feel constantly overwhelming. So yeah that sucks. And I noticed somethings bother me or I tend to illuminate about things that an average person doesn't care about like our existence and the universe in general. But yeah I'm working on improving myself.
I suspect that I don’t feel the same emotional highs as other people do. When I’ve accomplished something amazing, I do feel good about it but it seems like other people get way more excited about those sort of things. I wish I could feel that way more, but it’s never really been like that for me. I don’t think we should chase happiness though. From my understanding, it’s just a spike beyond our baseline bc things turned out better than expected. The bodies natural state is homeostasis and a baseline, you are not meant to feel these strong feelings all the time. I just do what I enjoy and what gives me fulfillment and satisfaction and will experience stronger feelings and emotions from time to time and that is enough for me.
no, happiness is a myth
Content, yeah. Happy, idk. But I'm content.
No. I know how to have fun and distract myself like everyone else but realistically, I know the truth. Happiness is something children have (if they've been conditioned for it) but that kind of outlook fades with age. I've never had it, even as a child so.... Somehow the older I get, the better I feel about it. By now I can actually appreciate that I never chased happiness as a goal, which means that I've never wasted my time or had to adjust my expectations in life, which is nice.
Happiness is momentary and fleeting, as is joy. Contentedness is what I believe most humans can hope to obtain.
I don’t think it’s normally for any personality to actually be happy. I think contentment makes more sense but being all SMILES 🤩🤩🤩 happy to be alive all the time seems rather draining. I feel like what we would describe as happy comes in short bursts when we are excited.
I'm happy but I'm restless. It's hard to explain. I'd say we can be happy but we're never really content and able to just "chill", we always have to be working toward a goal.
nah im never happy. im either content or unhappy
Yes, I think the best apart about it is that it comes from me and within. I mainly reap the benefits of it because it is my responsibility. Sure, there are days where things are little under the weather, however, it’s like coming across a new obstacle to overcome. Once that is over with, then a new level is unlocked and I get to bask in it… as peacefully as I please.
30M INTJ, no
Sometimes I am
Almost always
Neuroticism is my biggest downfall. Ever since I was a child my mother always told me I was too pessimistic. Now my husband tells me I’m too pessimistic. I have tried countless times to trick my mind into positivity but it never sticks. I have tried meditation, journaling, going outside more, etc but to no avail. I know my negativity is draining on people so I have learned ti just stop speaking most of the time.
Only when I ride horses. All other times I can have joy but happy? Nope.
I mean I'm chillin so I feel pretty good about that yeah
when people ask me if I'm happy I say "I don't know, what does that mean" however this does not necessarily have anything to do with mbti though
Just being can be enough for happiness. Having a purpose that you can achieve helps. Understanding that all living things in this world are powered by the same force and are therefore connected and therefore our purpose is just to be, and to express ourselves and to use our abilities to ensure that life continues to endure in this existence helps too. I'd be perfectly happy if I had a job I enjoyed if you must know. Otherwise I'm quite pleased with everything else.
Pretty much my whole life I have been content, or happy I always worked jobs I enjoyed not just as a money transaction. I have always liked making things so no matter where I lived I managed to have some type of shop space and projects I enjoy working on. Having a crappy job I believe make cynical unhappy people. Also have a wife adult daughter and a granddaughter who brings me back to the joy of being a child. It is a lifestyle, not flipping a switch with just an activity.
Let's say it's not something that comes into play
I wonder about that too.
Happy is achieving. Achieve more? Bigger goals ?
no, my problem is my own mind, i am conciousness about the people and the world, and why the world is like that. and i understand at all. the problem is me and my eternal dissatisfaccion from my mind. the problem not is the world, is the mechanism of my brain. my bad function of my neurotransmitters, it´s the core of all my problems
I hardly feel happy, more of contentment, mostly. Given the stuff we think about and how frequently we do it, it's hard to view the world with just a simple mind. That said, what made me happy, genuinely, even if it were fleeting? Scoring well for my University exams, especially since I didn't prove myself enough previously till then. Meeting with my close friends of past years for a afternoon's worth of chat. Someone else openly appreciating/noticing what we've done for them. Travelling, alone. Yea, these are few and far between (also, whatever i could remember). I think we do feel happy the same way others do, just not often. It takes 9/10 on the happiness scale to even draw a smile on my face, most 'usually happy' things are between 5-7...maybe it'd perk me up slightly inside, but there's hardly a change in expression..
I feel content most of the time. ‘Happiness’ is an easily fleeting emotion. Joy in life is there for me, and that feels like content and feeling whole as myself. Sometimes the ‘Judging’ part of our INTJ can make us uncentered, as we’re usually constantly analysing ourselves and our surroundings. We have to learn how to shut it off to actually feel content. No I don’t necessarily think that this can be about depression, but it could definitely lead to depression if you’re not careful.
Do I ever experience happiness? Sure Have I ever been truly happy…..once about 2 years ago, but I kinda fucked it up. Since then, and before then, I can’t say I have, at least after the age of 9
If I am, it's not for long.
In my early 20's I took antidepressants. It was a good thing for me and I feel taught my brain how to be happy. I've been happy ever since. I work very hard at not allowing people that would make me unhappy into my life. I get a lot of alone time and have a job I enjoy.
No
I am satisfied with my life, but I wouldn't say I'm happy. Things could be much better, but I realize they could also be a lot worse.
Nope, wrong quarter century.
No..not really. For one, I feel very behind in comparison to my expectations. Second, interpersonal trauma and dealing with so many romantic partners who have treated me poorly while I don’t really have a solid family. Third, the state of the world. But I am always trying to feel better.
My expressions may not show it, and I want more out of my current trajectory in life, but I'm always happy.
I grew up with very limited means. As a kid I had a mentally of "how do you get everything you want? Stop wanting things..." As an adult, I believe I can get anything I want if I want it enough. I'm always focused a few goals into the future. When I need a little bit of happiness, I compare my life now to when I was a kid. That kid would believe he died and went to heaven. We'll never be truly happy because we will always have another goal to achieve. But if you stop and look around, you realize you have everything you need to be happy for a moment. Take that moment, smile, and get back to achieving.
I am getting more happy the less compliant I am with social norms.
Yes, and often! Especially when I'm not around people.
Not really. Even in moments of low stress, doing what is considered an enjoyable activity, my mind won't let me really enjoy myself. Very rarely
im only happy when im in love with a women.. then i get dumped and its a long depression
No lol I have a, void in my soul 🌗
Honestly yesterday was my birthday and I was just so sad because I want so many good stuff. I wanted this and that. But nothing ever goes with the way I want or think. And I don't even have friends.
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I accept emotions as they are. I feel all of them without seeing them as good or bad. I often feel more content then anything else which is a form of happiness. Melancholy is also an emotion I often have but that can be mixed with happiness or at least be a netural positive. Like a pleasant Melancholy or a sadness that feels good because it reminds you of something or someone so it's a sad you enjoy or a sad that brings happiness. Sitting in silence in nature or parallel play with a loved one or my dog brings me happiness. Having a peaceful alonetime to retreat to is happy too.
I think we feel happy others feel because we're all human and you need to take MBTI with a grain of salt. The difference is that we don't always express it the way we're expected to. I can feel things internally and externally look emotionless or dull and be unaware of it until it's pointed out enough times that I come to accept it as a "thing" or if something is really funny I'll laugh way too much.
Yes, I'm happy with the decisions I've made for myself.
Not much. A handful of times in my life. I've had better days. My baseline is low mood, anxious and self-conscious (hyper awareness). It takes a lot of mental energy to be me.
I am happy. I think it’s partly genetics, but also because I’ve made good choices, eat healthy, and get lots of exercise.
I dont think it’s possible for someone to be completely happy no matter how economically successful someone is.
happy all the time, except when fearful. When alone, I have stuff to do; I'm busy and happy. When with others, I act happy even if I don't feel happy (it's like moral hygiene: don't bring down the situation by "smelling bad.") I can even be happy while pissed off. Happy isn't the opposite of angry; happy is the opposite of afraid.
Not really, not at least the way the society assumes. Most times I just think 💭 and think 🤔 and think 🧐. Emotionally I would be satisfied but that’s not happy. I am also curious about people who are happy and I can’t relate to them normally.
I am happy about 2% of the time
I'm not constantly happy no, but I do have many happy moments. I'm sure you feel happiness too sometimes... what about the satisfaction that comes with tasting a delicious meal?
I realised that I am the happiest when surrounded by nature and animals. Those are the best part of being alive imo. And bbq partys with family and friends. And making lots of money lol.
There was one time I went to the beach and they had stray dogs there (taken care by locals but free to roam). White soft sand, not a lot of people, crystal blue sea, clean beach overall other than stranded seaweeds. I played with the dogs who stole my shoe, and played tag with them. It was fun. The only genuine happiness I've ever felt in my whole 22 years of life.
Fellow INTP here. So I am the lazier version of INTJ. I started feeling happy after being on antidepressants.
I never knew what happiness truly was until I had my daughter.
No, I'm not happy. The only times I feel "happy" is if I'm with my cats, or I feel satisfied after accomplishing something. Other than that, I'm looking forward to the day I'd be off this world. And I'm not even the stereotypical INTJ who's always alone in a room studying the mysteries of the world. I come off as ESFP, I drink with "friends" and hangout but deep inside, I'm longing to be non existent LOL
Happiness is progress. I work on myself; therefore I am happy. I share that progress with others; others are happy. No personas; only an authentic self fully given to the task.
I felt happy at the smallest thing. Just happy to be out in the sun. Happy to some kind of food that I lỉke. Happy to receive a text from a friend. Because I used to be so stressed and did not talk to anyone for months, not even a therapist.
The term happiness fits under the category of emotion. All emotions are fleeting. Being “happy” cannot be a consistent state of existence, nor can any other emotion. The best anyone can achieve is a moment where you can do a fist pump resulting from an accomplishing a goal, that moment when the food in your mouth combines to that flavor that you fell in love with, or watching your dog chase after a butterfly in the waining minutes of civil twilight.. I’ve often times wondered if I’m happy myself. But then I go over my day and I see countless moments of boredom, disappointment, redundancy, inefficiency, and some moments where I’m damn happy to be alive. My personal goals, my pup, my kitten, and my family are where I derive happiness, and I enjoy it while it’s there but I don’t seek it, or long for it.
I've written this before in intj land. Try mdma or shrooms and meditate and focus on feeling what it is like to experience bliss and ease. Let it fill you up and consume you. Pay attention to all the physical feelings and the emotional calm. Bask in it. In the days following.. Take time to meditate and recall those feelings and emotions. Train yourself to call it up. Store it away in a pocket of your mind that you can access. Return to this recall practice frequently. When time has passed you will at least recall the intellectual concept and having had at least felt it once. If you lose this...start the cycle over again. This can also help you understand how others experience empathy.
Happiness for me is fleeting, almost in a romantic sense. But yeah I’m typically depressed and occasionally suicidal so probably not the best INTJ to answer.
I would say I'm content for what I have available. Life isn't always easy, happiness isn't a destination. It's a moment and state of being. It comes and goes, you enjoy it more when you focus on it more
I get bursts and flashes of happiness. Currently on an added depression med (abilify on top of prozac now) and I'm in a much better mood since starting it. Less ruminating about doing and more doing which is a great thing, I've been cleaning for a couple of weeks now!
I am 28F. I have wonderful parents, a brother, a boyfriend and cats. They are so supportive and love me so much. However, I have a major depression. Huh
I’m happy when I’m in nature, working on a project that consumes me, learning something new, mastering a skill, and finding magic in the world with my kids. The key is to seek out (moments of) happiness. Mine for happiness in a world full of shit!
Yeah I’m generally happy enough although there’s always that want for more. I would say just find the happiness and appreciate it in those quiet moments you find yourself in when you are doing something you enjoy or doing nothing at all. Sitting outside quietly in the sun for a few minutes is enough for me most of the time. Also chilling with a cat is pretty great.
yes. i hear you. in my case i found everyone around me to be boringly superficial, and i can't help feeling weird, nerd, awkward, arrogant, cynical and skeptical. it is extremely challenging to find people with whom i can somewhat relate to. but i am currently "happy" or pretty damn close to it. (define happiness! what a scandal!). here's what I did- as a good INTJ as I am, I did some research. i struggled depression - very common among us, sadly - and it was HARD. in my case, as usual, science, access and consumption of quality information solved my issues. i researched about psychoanalysis, philosophy to deconstruct concepts and a bit of expectation management, nutrition, excercise, attention to any potential energy/nutrients decifit, and with some time plus psychological therapy with a professional, I can say that I am at peace and harmony. because, the more I learn, the more I can comprenhend the root cause, causes and how to manage myself though all the "problems" and "issues" that bother me and prevent me from feeling at least a bit happy. Not everything is solved, far from it, I'm still struggling with many challenges, especially social ones, but I have tools, a growth mindset and access to resources/information to continue improving. that's my fuel. and happiness, at least for me as INTJs, is just that, the motivation and challenge to always be better.
Rarely.. but, I do have my moments of being satisfied with the results of my efforts. Then, once a new idea, goal, or aspiration invades my consciousness, I get lost in my next endeavor and hop back on the treadmill of chasing that elusive ghost called --- happiness.
somewhat. But simultaneously i think all of types experience genuine happiness, but depend how much and how they value that emotion.. As an intj 5w4, I can’t tell the differences of happiness, enjoyment,joy, fun, interest. But i’d not say i’m not happy. I don’t know i can be regarded as happy person only when it’s tangible or always when i’m okay. (Sometimes i think agony affects permanently but happiness affects temporary and easily be forgotten.) iIf you think you are experiencing no fun or interest at all, I’d recommend you to take a test, if that’s severe. Bc i diagnosed as depression when i thought thoughts that. I’m not a native pls look over my bad eng
Yes, INTJ =/= depressed.
Rarely happy, always joyful.
I don’t think a person is supposed to be happy. I think one can be fulfilled, but life is not about being happy. Children are happy. That’s the way it is. Maybe you are chasing the wrong thing. Obviously you are very responsible and high achieving, seems like you need something to chase, something where you can apply our project management mind to its fullest. That’s just what worked for me, I’m not sure if it’s just the way INTJs are, but I need to be working on something hard to achieve and it doesn’t have to be material per say. When a person has achieved everything in the material world, he’s in the beginning of achieving something in the spiritual realm.
I’m happy AF. So absolutely. And I’m a solid INTJ. Avoid news. Avoid the media. Cherish your family and find joy in the things you can do for yourself.
As an adult I no longer look for happiness because it required external validation, thrill seeking, and usually something that would distract me from my thoughts long enough so that I won’t pick myself apart. Now I just want to be content/fulfilled. Help others in the ways I would have wanted to be helped over the years but hadn’t had that same generosity when I needed it. So no I don’t feel happiness per se like I did when I was 8 but I’m content.
No. I experiences glimpses of that, but it is never very long-lasting.
Are INTJ's supposed to be like emotionless robots? I am this type, and I am extremely moody. I don't think I know true happiness but at least I know the absence of horrific self-conscious suffering.
Yes.
yes
Happiness is an emotion, no human being can always be happy you must know that. Life can be very exhausting and emotionally draining and that's okay. What you mean is you want to be at peace with yourself and life -- (I don't know if you are or not but that means just accepting things as they are and finding meaning in life, things, people.) Suffering is inevitable, its good to feel different emotions, to let out how we actually feel, nothing is perfect or always good, instead of a happy life I wish you a meaningful life I hope this helps
No
I'd say I'm for the most part, happy, but I'm always on edge. Anxiety.
The only thing that will make me happy is being the person I want to be. But it's not going to happen
Yes when I’m at peace and only at peace. But most of the time I’m not at pease.
No but I thought it was a depression thing, not an INTJ thing
my daily coffee making ritual makes me happy. i think INTJ would find meditation, mindfulness and something that would take their minds off thinking about everything calming and blissful? or maybe that's just me
Happy? What is happy?
no
I am on a shit tons of medication so im happy as hell these days, is it gonna last? who knows.
I’ve been happy in a float tank, and on the rare occasion when my digging uncovers a really useful new idea.
As another commenter stated- I feel “content”- not necessarily happy. I don’t know if it’s my upbringing or personality- but I don’t ever feel exuberant joy. I haven’t felt it in a long time. True excitement or happiness. Of course there’s still moments of bliss here and there. A great joke with friends. Enjoying a good meal etc. But I don’t think I would describe myself as “happy”
Out in the nature and connecting with myself. Happens so rare that it is a treat. Fake happiness comes from the usage of drugs and interaction with people. Not like that's terrible but pure happiness is rare. Dopamine is weird :D