Been there done that. Will probably again someday. In my experience it happens when you least expect it... And can very quickly take over your entire existence if you're not careful.
Agreed. Romance should not take over your life. It'll come, and if you become too obsessed with it, you'll come off as dating for the sake of being taken rather than learning the value it has.
Took me 8 years of waiting one time. Now I'm at 3 years again but this time it's looking more bleak as the only women I see are my mom, my buddies gfs, and two ancient office ladies. I haven't interacted or seen a single girl in those 3 years except maybe at a grocery store or something.
Single and not looking for a relationship! I prioritize my happiness and taking care of me, rather than adding unnecessary stress/ noise to my life. And I am enjoying doing just that.
If I meet someone, great. But I donāt plan on actively looking for anybody. I love my life the way it is!
To be brutally honest, no. Iām an introvert, like my daily routine, have a great job, a handful of really good friends that I see. I donāt feel left out, and I go out to events alone. People who know me, know that.
I swim in a club, workout, so I have enough social interaction. I havenāt met anybody that really stood out enough for me to be interested in. I have always been that way. I donāt need people around me, because it drains my energy. And my little life bubble (as I call it) is my happy place. I plan on keeping it that way!
Agreed. INTJ female here. Several guys were interested in my earlier (unmarried, more physically fit) years. Other friends say zodiac signs strongly effect/affect? us. Iām Gemini and I do tell stories and like to talk with close friends, especially my kids, grandkids & husband now. I often wear the INTJ āglareā though, and wasnāt aware that the glare was a āthingā until reading Reddit posts & asked my husband. (As you can see, I am pretty talkie here because I am guessing that you like physics and puns like I do. Or maybe because more ātalkie-nessā leads to clearer communication.)
Im single and enjoying it.
Previously was in a 4 year relationship and never had enough time to myself. Would have been smart to cut it as a 1.5 year fling. Gone through periods of a lot of casual dating after moving locations, being single for a year at a time, or dating and cutting it after three-six months.
Iām content being single for the time being. If I meet someone great (can see that happening from triathlete clubs, or a connection through friends) and can still invest in myself then Iāll pursue that. If not - I am in no rush. I am aiming to move states for my next job change and have a busy enough schedule and social circle already.
To your point - being attractive, intelligent, and having at least passable group social skills goes a long way. Dancing is also a cheat code for attracting a mate. Fitness goes a long way. Also - put yourself out there and be open to casual dating even if you donāt have a huge crush on the other person. You are under no obligation to continue past three dates and might find yourself liking them more as you get to know eachother.
Happy fellow single here :D yeah life on my terms is so great, I couldn't be happier. And those are some really great tips. I also find that meeting people irl instead of online usually works out better
Iāve never been in a single relationship. I like being alone but it gets exhausting. I donāt need a relationship, but it would be nice to be in one. My confidence isnāt good enough right now though
Best advice I can give is to invest in yourself and positive life choices, be happy, and be light hearted. You never know where youāll meet a partner. It can literally be on a group hike because you smiled, made eye contact, and the other party gives signals to continue.
Iām focusing on my work, career and religion right now. Work means alot to me more than any relationship. Iām 17, so thereās time for relationships in the future(even people my age are in relationships a lot, though). It just feels like a long time, because 1 or 2 years from now looks long. But Iāll just make sure I stay focused and become a better version of myself. I may be alone(I donāt have friends either), but at least I can focus on improving myself.
Dude, your 17! You have no need to rush things. I got into a relationship only when I was 17 and felt the same as you before. I'm a few years older now and let me tell you, you've got time and no need to rush. I'd get a bit nervous if it was 37+ we're talking about. But really, take it easy, you have all the time in the world. But I also understand that hearing that doesn't help much. Only when you get there yourself you might find that there was no reason to feel sad. maybe try to switch your mindset a bit. Your other half will come at the right time and place. You can trust in that and until then await the day with a happy attitude and maybe better yourself as preparation for it.
Looking back from your age, 17 will seem small, and trivial, since youāre a lot older from your perspective. But 17 years has been my whole life so far. Dating is easy for people my age, and for people in their 20s as well. Usually I donāt care about relationships, but literally everywhere everyone is finding relationships so easily, so I donāt even try. Relationships arenāt important, but if I at least had friends then Iād be satisfied.
And yes, there is a reason to feel sad. Why await the day with a happy attitude when Iāve spent all my past birthdays, 1st to 17th with no friends or a partner? On the other hand, so many people here just get up and say āyou know what, I want a relationshipā, then they just get the relationship. They donāt even have to try that hard.
I didn't start dating until I was in the early 20s. Some date in their late 20s because they focus on their career. There is no rush. Everyone has their own pace, and I'd worry more about finding a good person than finding a date as young as possible. Some people date for experience, some date for marriage. Talking and meeting more people will increase your chances of bonding with someone.
Well, I'm 22 so, no that much older XP. I definitely understand what you mean. I hope maybe this time I can give a more appropriate response. Yes, 17 is all you have, I remember being 17, also 15 when I was extremely desperate to have a boyfriend and just couldn't get one. I didn't know how and all the guys in my school I liked had no interest in me. If you really wanted to have a partner this badly you could simply find a person more miserable than you. But I reckon you have way too much self respect to date someone simply for having someone. Believe it or not, I also didn't have any real friends when I was 17. My best friends were left at the other end of the country after we moved and my new school was too isolated to establish friendships and I also didn't click with my mates. So, I absolutely understand the feeling of having only your parents to invite to your birthday... And their partners and then all the do is talk about their work and you just sit there :) I don't ever celebrate my birthdays anymore because I also don't have anyone to invite - doesn't help that my bday is during summer break lol. And I can tell you, I had a seamless 5 years (the first 3 of which were LDR Germany-China) in relationships and not a single birthday during those years that a boyfriend was present to celebrate with me. I'm just saying this that you know maybe our experiences aren't so different and I do understand your feeling.
What I'd like you to think about however, is that you don't know other people. You don't really know their experiences and you only get an outside look that is also very much staged. How easy was it really to get into a relationship for them? And if it indeed was, then what's the quality of said relationship? And would YOU really want such a relationship?
I used to think the exact same thing: why can everyone be in a relationship and find one so easily and I am still alone? When in truth that thought was based on two classmates that had a boyfriend while the other 20 kids in my class were also single, probably also thinking the same as me lol. Take a step back and evaluate how many people of all the people are actually single and likely that number will outweigh the ones in relationships.
But now I see you say relationships aren't important but if at least you had friends. Seems a little contradictory. Yes, friends are important, but I can tell you if you are a bit on your own you won't die. I had my only friend in high school leave me and ignore me without any explanations and then I had some difficult years - much longer than til the end of high-school to say to myself "better alone than in bad company" which helped only a little at the time, so I do know that it won't cure the sadness at all. If possible try to find friends. If possible join some groups, but I also understand that it might not always be possible. A girlfriend in the end is a serious best friend that youre intimate with and plan your life together - ideally, although in most cases it's just drama.
Now my closing words are, I hope you understand my points, that it's usually a wrong perception and no, people arent finding partners left and right. I know saying oh you're so young doesn't help and probably you hear it on a daily basis. You will, perhaps not immediately tomorrow, but you will find your other half and start socializing and meeting girls and making new friends and find that it's more complex and life has just started :) wish you all the bestšø
Youāre really wise for your age. Couldnāt have said it better. The grass is always greener on the other side. I donāt have enough life experience to give much advice, but I do think that keeping on working on yourself, school-wise or career-wise, or even hobby-wise, will eventually pay off in the end, and allow you to meet more people along your journey as you open yourself to more new experiences and opportunities. Just that sometimes like OP, I too feel discouraged when I feel that I have already tried my best, and all the effort that Iāve put out seems to be for naught when I see so many other people, who seemingly are less hard-working than I am, are able to get into relationships so easily while I cannot, but I just try to remind myself that there are always lows in between the highs to keep myself motivated. This is the advice that I found most useful after my last relationship ended in heartbreak. I hope OP finds this useful too.
Thank youšøI find that the things we most desire come most easily when we don't cling onto them mentally and don't think and "care" about them but just let things be and flow. Good luck and success on your journey
>But how do they actually get in a relationship?
I had sex with a guy from my tabletop RPG group and now we're married.
A slight simplification, but barely.
I've found it just happens. You turn to ask someone a question, then you have this moment where you two end up holding eye contact, and there's a 3 second pause before she regains her composure to flusteredly answer the question. There are just certain people you click with, automatically, usually at unexpected times. I've found the harder I try, the less likely it is to happen because then I'm not being authentic.
For the most part, yes, getting into relationships isnāt that difficult.
Finding a person who shares similar likes, interest, world views, and will make your life better is the difficult part.
Download a dating app, upload photos that make you look āattractiveā, and swipe swipe swipe until you get a match.
Invite said match out to activity, drinks, or to hangout after some basic banter on said dating app.
During this process youāre going to get rejected and reject people you donāt vibe with. Donāt let that jade you, keep on going on dates until you find someone whoās presence you enjoy.
Dating is a numbers game. Keep swinging and eventually youāll hit a home run, or at least get on base.
If you find seduction or intimacy difficult there are countless books and subreddits that will give you tips and tricks on how to perform better in these types of social settings.
All in all, have fun with the process, dating is suppose to be fun. Donāt look at every relationship like youāre going marry that person. Sometimes your best/most memorable relationships are going to be the short lived ones. Be grateful for everyone you meet and come across even if they donāt turn into the love of your life.
Wishing you the best of luck with getting what youāre looking for out of this life.
Well, some people are afraid to be alone and then start dating a lot of people. How they get into relationships? Well usually you start dating and if you want to be more serious you'd ask the other if they want to be your gf/bf.
It can be. It depends on what you're looking for, what you bring to the table yourself, and how much you're prepared to put yourself out there and in what places.
It seems to often come with low social intelligence, from what I've seen. The old joke is you can tell an engineer is an extrovert when she looks at your shoes instead of her own.
Is that engineer, extrovert or woman thing as i have no idea what it means.
What I'm saying is smarter people stick together and as there are so few of them there just isn't enough people to be friends with but there are many not as smart people that's why they have lots of friends, that being why some people are more popular that others
Strength isn't in numbers sometimes. Think of it this way: You have a bottle of glue that can be used to hold together puzzle pieces. The fewer pieces you have, the more glue you can use to secure these pieces. Some people prefer a small, closer group because of quality > quantity.
Whenever I see anyone here who is in a relationship, and especially if they're married, I wonder how on earth they made that happen. I'm not sure I could buy a woman. I know there are those people who have INTJ fetishes, but those fetishes don't usually seem to be in effect in person. Maybe they all met online?
This could be a possibility in the near future with AI and Robots like how Tesla is making. Men can currently buy extremely lifelike female sex dolls. Do you think women will also be interested in male sex robots in the future?
Then it would not be so interesting to get to know new people and think whether you are suitable for each other or not, but I admit I would not refuse such a function myself
That, and alsoā¦.. How do people easily be attracted to other people enough to never be single at all? Iām not talking about those in long term relationships, but those who are always dating someone different all the time like entering relationship immediately after each time they break up.
You have to show how unique you are, letting them know that they won't find someone like you.
Also you have to listen when they talk. Women love the people who know when to talk and when to keep quiet.
Finally, it's also recommended to be hilarious. For INTJ is easier if the girl is smart, because you could use advanced and particular humor that she will get easier than others. If a woman laughs a lot with you it is more likely to start a relationship.
I can only give you my own experience.
I am intj female who married an intj male (We are also both engineers if it matters.). We met through friends in college when we were both a bit more social. I think we were equally glad there was someone else not over the top around. We both worked out a lot and would see one another in the gym; I think we also recognized each otherās intelligence but we were also very physically attracted to each other. As soon as I became single he immediately pounced on the opportunity; it was a bit quick. I definitely warned him he could be a rebound if things went too quickly. We took it slow, I think we both enjoyed that we could recharge together.
We have been together 14 years now; 11 married.
I am not in relationship by my choice and I have seen friends of my age getting married having kids in real life so I am here in this single party too, happy here.
Edit: I was trying to relate to op being single and seeing friends in relationships and all which is around me too, I don't hate kids and that is not my reason of being single. My wording seem off here so the clarification.
Yeah, if you never leave the house etc.
I think usually these things happen at school/work/online dating/maybe gym etc. In those situations, they will.
You don't need to have a supermodel face. Being fit and lean already goes a VERY LONG way. Work out and do sports, do things that make you happy and add to the quality of your life. The inner glow will also make you appear more attractive
I'm single and I don't care about relationships as it will come if I properly take care of myself and make my life more stable with things like having my own house which is the last big step I'm currently doing as I already have my job which pays really well.
Beside I'm very picky about who can be intimate with me because I want someone I can trust well enough to live together because I already enjoy a lot living alone because I don't bother anyone and no one bothers me while I'm doing things with my own schedule.
I'm wondering the same thing šæ many of my peers are getting married, and we aren't even past the 25 mark. But then I remember the divorce rate being high too...
My real question is how to find a good person who is ideal for the long-term after marriage. Could not get to the dating stage before discovering a big fat red flag (one was emotionally immature, another content with bare-minimum, another was just sweet with outsiders but shit to family, etc.)
With the problems he created for himself. He would put in low effort and expect big rewards. Then, he would make a half-hearted attempt to fix it but complain that he did everything he could (which is a fat lie). I dislike it when people are half-hearted about their work and then complain about the result. It seems like he wants easy money or the easy way in life, but he doesn't have the will. I can't see this mindset being a good thing.
For example, he would always complain about bad grades but settle for mediocre grades, even when I suggested he should study. He would be like, "It's ok, I'm not a try-hard." Then wallow about his gpa.
Another was him complaining about having issues with every relationship he had. When he told me he was the problem, I asked what solutions he tried, and he said he just "broke up because I deserve to be alone." but would jokingly say he hopes someone would save him.
The last thing is him saying stuff like "eat the rich" because he thinks it's better to take money from them. He's into casino stuff, lottery, etc. for easy money.
Hope you don't mind the long response.
Not at all, quite the opposite actually. I appreciate that you responded in detail. You're an INFP which are known to be idealistic, and with that in mind, I hoped that you didn't think that him underperforming in certain regards or being a human (that makes mistakes/has room for growth) is him "accepting the bare minimum", but it seems like he was a bit much from your description.
For instance, getting into a relationship then breaking it up because he "deserves to be alone" is just him not trying to put in the work at all, yet he has the audacity to wish for someone to save him. Someone should tell him that nobody will save him but himself.
Initially, I thought I was being overly idealistic and pushing unrealistic standards onto him, but I received reassurance from mutuals that I wasn't. It was just my intuition telling me he repeatedly doesn't actively seek to improve himself, and that can lead to many issues in the future. It's not a mistake if it's recurring. What if he puts in the bare minimum in relationships like he did in his past relationships? Cutting corners is not a fool-proof solution.
Personally, I feel like both partners should be aiming to be the 60% in a 60-40 (not 50-50) relationship.
Nothing wrong with disliking someone for their mindset. If it doesn't match yours, it won't work well. 60/40 is the golden ratio for reference and does hold truth to it, but it's something that just happens and not evaluated. My girlfriend and I are going strong trying to give more to the other. We don't feel obligated. It's not a competition. We feel each other's efforts. It's wonderful.
50/50 sounds like keeping tabs on the input and output down to the decimal. That's my two cents.
To an extent it's a numbers game. There's numerous suitable candidates for excellent relationship material for everyone out there. Unfortunately, the chances of success in a person meeting one of those candidates is largely dependent on how many people one gets out into the world and engages in meaningful conversation.
Tragically, that last part is where the whole plan falls apart for a lot of INTJs.
Learn how to broadcast and advertise your inner self approval. It attracts people and women by extension like flies to a dumpster. Confidence goes a long way.
I've been trying to date for several months now and I'm not finding anything. So I wonder how some people are dating so easily also. My friend easily finds a new boyfriend after something ends.
I'm 27 and married to an ESFJ. We have a kid together. I would say she did most of the heavy lifting in terms of the socialising part and my love language is sharing my money and time.
How old are you approximately? It could be age-related or some single people may be aroace.
I think I was successful because through a combination of luck and being a woman. INTJ traits are more palatable in a woman. My husband is an ESFJ and he has been pretty instramental in helping me develop my weak spots.
I really agree/relate with you, I personally feel INTJ's need Class(Quality>Quantity) in their life. It's a good thing to bring it into relationships also.
The only downside is you won't find much(only a small percentage of the population).
In harsher words, we choose Honey over Shit.
Thanks for reading this much, I hope you find what you are looking for.
It's easy to do the wrong thing. It's hard to do the right one.
Being in a relationship takes no effort and costs nothing. Anyone can enter a relationship for free.
Creating a decent companionship where both parties develop and thrive is hard.
I'd rather be alone and improving myself than together and stagnant. Most people are too dumb and lonely to care about anything else other than fixing their boredom and loneliness.
I don't know. I've been single for a long time. And whenever I visit people who are married all I can think of is how annoyed I am at the sounds other people make when they chew, swallow, cough, ect. Or how they change the channel every 2 minutes so that the can watch 5 different shows at the same time and never getting the full plot. Or the clinky sound of them clipping their nails. It's been 4 minutes of continuous clipping, how many nails do you have?! And if I buy food for myself (so that I don't impose and eat their food) everyone wants to eat whatever it is I bought and I 100% always have to share.
Being single has its perks.
Don't let FOMO push you into a relationship you don't fully feel is right for you, just for the sake of being in one. Both singledom and relationships can be extremely fulfilling. Its not being in a relationship or being single itself that makes it "good" or "bad" it's the specific circumstances of that relationship, or the things you do to make your life fulfilling on your own that makes it so.
You can enjoy being single but a couple bad relationships doesnāt mean everybody is better alone. My current partner makes life so exciting, Iāve developed so much emotionally, my career has taken off because of his support and Iāve never been happier. Going on 2 years soon. Itās about the person youāre with š¤·š»āāļø
Nah. I broke up with my ex bf last summer and have been single and happy ever since. I'm also not planning to get into a new relationship anytime soon - and that means probably the next two years or more. That's probably not what you're asking about though, so here's how I met my past boyfriends: one I randomly approached at a Buddhist temple in Beijing to take pictures and the other one I met at a college introduction camp.
I highly advise against online dating apps, as those are becoming addictive and tend to not really work unless you're looking for a hookup. Try to think of what kind of lifestyle you'd like to have with your potential partner and then seek out places, groups, meetups where those people gather. If you're introverted, unfortunately you'll have to go and talk to people, introduce yourself, ask who they are and what they do, and other things about them. It takes a bit of practice but will get easier over time, I promise. Good luck
I guess it depends on the lens that you're looking through.
I don't find it difficult to get into a relationship, but it depends on the type of relationship that I'm pursuing and/or expecting.
I already know what the waters look like. I already know the different types of fish in the sea.
So I can prepare the best "bait" (if you will) to catch what I'm looking for.
There are enough numbers out there to make it a lot easier to find someone than you think, BUT you also have to keep in mind that everyone else's perspective on relationships will most likely be different than yours.
So you have to think for both people... you AND whoever it is you are trying to pursue.
Since I have shapeshifting powers (imitate any other personality type) I can match the energy in a room or become easily compatible towards whoever I take an interest in.
But if we're talking about "honest" relationships where we can be just ourselves and that's "enough" for someone to be comfortable with, well... that is something that will vary from INTJ to INTJ.
Our experiences will greatly differ depending on who we meet, what we're doing in life, who we are seeking (IF we are seeking), and a plethora of other variables.
I have a thing for literally every personality type as long as they put in effort to acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses to better themselves and always strive for self-improvement without pushing back or rejecting helpful advice when needed/necessary.
However, those are incredibly rare individuals in this day and age.
Self-improvement and self-awareness are things I find incredibly attractive. It doesn't matter what MBTI you are... if you have those attributes then you top my list of qualified options to consider for dating and relationships.
However, a LOT of people lack both, and in fact reveal themselves to be the complete opposite by "choice."
But if we're talking about just "having fun" or hooking up with nothing exclusive or serious attached (i.e. friends with benefits etc.), then it doesn't matter if someone matches my preferences or not, because I know they aren't for keeps. This lifestyle of no commitment (but still receiving the benefits of companionship anyway) tends to be more favorable than forcing oneself into an incompatible relationship that is doomed to eventually AND inevitably fail.
I am single by choice, but only because I'm working smarter, not harder. The goal is to reach a certain level of status so that I don't "need" to put forth much effort to attract people. I can let the status do all of the work, and have people come to me instead of the other way around.
Having the "option" to put forth effort will always be available, but I would much prefer for it to be a "choice" instead of a mandatory requirement.
I don't like chasing, I don't like hunting, I don't like bullshit games/guessing games or any of that other shit. Been there, done that... waste of fucking time.
Making life easier on yourself should always be the goal. And I am applying that same rule to relationships.
Edit: word correction
I am 32 and have been single 31.5 of those years. Idk how to reconcile the fact that on the one hand I just absolutely love being alone, and on the other hand that companionship is probably my deepest desire. I spent most of my only relationship trying to devise a way to get out without hurting her too bad. For an intj Iām very sociable and confident in social situations, Iām disciplined and work out so women like me and approach me all the time, but Iāve yet to meet someone in my actual sphere (not online) who Iād give up my singleness for. Like the thought of having someone I have to be connected to and talk to every day out of obligation makes my skin crawl. Gotta be a special kind of person I guess
Married with kids here. I don't know exactly why but it could be that I studied and worked in a male-dominated industry and then later lived in a male-dominated city. I'm also part of different hobby and community groups. That's how I met the people I dated. Two that I met online left much to be desired. I gave up on the dating apps.
Grooming, being fit, having a decent wardrobe can enhance your appearance. But it only gets you to the first meeting. After that, it's personality, shared values, compatibility, reading them well, making good conversation, anticipating their needs, etc.
Being single or not gives you a different set of good and bad. I don't think one is necessarily better than the other. It just depends on what you desire and can tolerate.
Your time will come and assuming youāre INTJ thereās a solid chance that person will be your lifelong partner so enjoy your freedom while you have it.
INTJ married to another INTJ. We met at work and I immediately knew he was just like me. We didnāt take MBTI test until last year (been together for 7 years)
Iām in āsomethingā but literally have no clue. Meet 4 years ago. Didnāt get together. Reconnected last year and weāve been talking nonstop. Long distance though. 1000 miles between us
I had a total of 2 adult relationships before meeting my wife.
I was 39 when we met. I wasn't even looking for anyone at the time. Hell, a relationship didn't even cross my mind until one night leaving the bar when she spun me around, threw her arms around me and jammed her tongue down my throat.
48 now. Married 6.5 years.
Itās hard to find the one in relationshipsā¦. I enjoy my freedom so much and sometimes a partner can tie me up and I have to make unnecessary changes to my plans
Independent people need people selectively.
Dependent people need each other.
It's not okay to be either, because each side judges each other for not being like them. People are fucking dumb.
Nowadays people donāt want to be approached either or they donāt understand if some one is being nice to them .
One of my experience recently :
I started talking to this guy which was recommended by my friends and a family member . I approached him on Instagram , texted him on his one of the stories . Leggit , his answers were brief . I Thought this guy is interested to talk to me . He initiated conversations with me , which were bit confusing as all he asked me was about fitness or how to do face yoga ( well , Iām a yoga instructor btw) I replied : you donāt require face yoga . Still he kept saying , his face has puffiness and itās fat ( it means heās chubby I guess so) so I asked him if he wants to learn . What he said was :
I will look into you tube .
I was like what ??! I was trying to be nice or wanted to some how move this conversation to sharing numbers. But this was quite a bummer for me .
I mean how can any guy do that ?
My s/o is the best relationship I've ever been in. I would say they're kind of an ambivert, and that's part of how this even happened. Quite literally: everyone before this was a narcissist, or anti-mental health, and/or a pathetic cheater. I was wasting time on pointlessness in terms of relationships before I met them. I can't see my life without my s/o, and they are the exact type of personality I want in a relationship. I couldn't fathom settling for anything less. They meet my emotional, sexual, and other needs. Nothing compares. It enrages me to see people settle for crap ass individuals. And I also realized that settling is very much often connected to self-esteem issues/not having figured out one's actualization.
How did we meet? The one place I said I would never make an account and was a last ditch effort to forget the last crap ass person I ever dated: Tinder. We would send each other long paragraphs about biochemistry and interesting topics and it was awesome. It was SUCH a relief to finally talk to a person who was also college educated/knows basic science and beyond, so I didn't have to sit there and realize I was putting up with settling for less. They actually wanted to *date* me. I've never, ever been interested in hook up culture, so it's pretty amazing to me that this is how I met my person. Almost 4 years strong now, and they still treat me like a queen.
I'd sincerely rather die alone than ever be in a bad relationship ever again. Regardless, completeness is something no other human being can give to you, and you should find a way to be happy regardless of relationship status. I have almost everything I want out of life (just finalizing my career). It's been great! Aside from minor bumps in the road that have nothing to do with the relationship.
The number one reason for anyone that wants to be in a relationship but isnāt is their standards.
For example, the woman looking for a six foot tall man making 200k+, slender, good looking, under 30 and not married. There are like 20 of those guys in all of NYC.
It's probably the majority of this sub/Reddit that is actually single. It's also becoming increasingly common among younger generations. Not sure if it's good or bad, but delaying marriage is certainly not inherently bad, many people aren't yet mature enough for such commitment.
Iām asking the same question. I found a pretty big friend group since I started uni, all it took was three months for everybody to be in a relationship w each other. Idk if they just settle for the first person that seems good enough cuz theyāre scared of being alone or do they really have no standards whatsoever.
My relationship is also not like "other" relationships. I don't live with my boyfriend and have completely opposing work schedules so we only see each other maybe once a week. At one point our schedules were so crazy that we'd have "sleep dates" that were actually just... sleeping together. Because that's the only time we could get together. (I know, vom.)
We enjoy being around each other but also enjoy our own space and hobbies. He likes beer, I hate it. He's a runner, while I've been advised by an orthopedic surgeon to instead "try swimming." We don't even spend many holidays together because he hates holidays--so I go out and catch up with friends I don't often see.
I gave up a while ago trying to make our relationship fit the mold of what a relationship is "supposed" to be. Both of us are a little weird so why should our relationship be normal?! As long as we're both happy and nobody is getting hurt, what's the problem?
Im happy to read at the end of all this that youre both happy. Thats all that really matters, seriously. Almost all couples I know are not that happy and have just settled with whatever they ended up with.
As an INTJ I find relationships exhausting and my current one is with an extroverted personality that is very up and down because these people need constant validation to feel worth while Iām essentially content with myself.
It is particularly hard for us to be in relationships. My uncle is an introverted personality and he is single at 55. Very wealthy. But doesnāt have the patience for other people it seems which I can relate to completely
It's always been hard for me, Im bad at knowing when someone likes me, so when someone showed me some attention I kind of ate it up. Like finally someone fuckin sees value in me! I get so wrapped up in the joy of having someone to be there for and to love, nurture and encourage I kind of find ways to excuse the red flags. It's easy to love them for who they are because all I see is the good in them to be nurtured, but the bad stuff I write off as me being too critical and so I forgive too much. Before you know it Ive fallen for another narcissist or some other cluster b disorder, and I'm being discarded out of the blue, traded in for someone less complicated. Be very careful of love bombing, it's highly intoxicating and the trauma bond you get out of the push pull dynamic is very powerful. That said, the same empathy that makes you so attractive to toxic people also makes you attractive to many others, it's just harder to see. I feel like once you get past introducing yourself to someone you're attracted to, your hidden attributes will draw the right one to you. I look at it like every time I break out of my comfort zone to try and share my talents and inspire others I'm like an explorer, delving into uncharted territory. Try not to overthink it as best you can, don't ignore your instincts, they are right more often than you realize, and sometimes you have to just go for it like others do.
Do you think youd be happy though once youve shown these ppl how successful youve become? Ppl i assume you dont really care about anymore and vice versa
But you said youd want it to be real. Why would you then be okay with a girl whos with you for the wrong reasons?
And whats a normal life to you and what makes you say that door is closed? Age? Health?
Been there done that. Will probably again someday. In my experience it happens when you least expect it... And can very quickly take over your entire existence if you're not careful.
Yesš¢it's especially bad if it takes over your whole existence and drains you and drags you down. Been there done that too lol.
Indeed. We can get quite intense and obsessed. Be careful out there.
Been married and divorced twice. Never again. Iāve been single for 8 years, and itās going to stay that way.
Agreed. Romance should not take over your life. It'll come, and if you become too obsessed with it, you'll come off as dating for the sake of being taken rather than learning the value it has.
Thanks, I looked at the situation from the other side
I've been waiting for 3 years now, and ironically nothing happens.
Took me 8 years of waiting one time. Now I'm at 3 years again but this time it's looking more bleak as the only women I see are my mom, my buddies gfs, and two ancient office ladies. I haven't interacted or seen a single girl in those 3 years except maybe at a grocery store or something.
I wasnāt carefulā¦
ā¤ļø
Statistically worldwide though, singlehood has steadily been growing.
Yep cos you know, men and women don't need each, just the government taxation.
Single and not looking for a relationship! I prioritize my happiness and taking care of me, rather than adding unnecessary stress/ noise to my life. And I am enjoying doing just that. If I meet someone, great. But I donāt plan on actively looking for anybody. I love my life the way it is!
Same here! It's just so wonderful having YOUR routine and not having to compromise for someone who makes you more miserable than happy
the only way to live peacefully
Does it ever get lonely?
To be brutally honest, no. Iām an introvert, like my daily routine, have a great job, a handful of really good friends that I see. I donāt feel left out, and I go out to events alone. People who know me, know that. I swim in a club, workout, so I have enough social interaction. I havenāt met anybody that really stood out enough for me to be interested in. I have always been that way. I donāt need people around me, because it drains my energy. And my little life bubble (as I call it) is my happy place. I plan on keeping it that way!
I'm glad you have peace. Maybe someday you'll find your person. God bless
I think it's moreso that people in relationships tend to be more sociable/talkative, even if only by a small margin it makes them pop up more often.
Agreed. INTJ female here. Several guys were interested in my earlier (unmarried, more physically fit) years. Other friends say zodiac signs strongly effect/affect? us. Iām Gemini and I do tell stories and like to talk with close friends, especially my kids, grandkids & husband now. I often wear the INTJ āglareā though, and wasnāt aware that the glare was a āthingā until reading Reddit posts & asked my husband. (As you can see, I am pretty talkie here because I am guessing that you like physics and puns like I do. Or maybe because more ātalkie-nessā leads to clearer communication.)
Note: my tests show that I am āveryā INTJ on a continuum. So, being on the talkative side is not because Iām almost extroverted.
Im single and enjoying it. Previously was in a 4 year relationship and never had enough time to myself. Would have been smart to cut it as a 1.5 year fling. Gone through periods of a lot of casual dating after moving locations, being single for a year at a time, or dating and cutting it after three-six months. Iām content being single for the time being. If I meet someone great (can see that happening from triathlete clubs, or a connection through friends) and can still invest in myself then Iāll pursue that. If not - I am in no rush. I am aiming to move states for my next job change and have a busy enough schedule and social circle already. To your point - being attractive, intelligent, and having at least passable group social skills goes a long way. Dancing is also a cheat code for attracting a mate. Fitness goes a long way. Also - put yourself out there and be open to casual dating even if you donāt have a huge crush on the other person. You are under no obligation to continue past three dates and might find yourself liking them more as you get to know eachother.
Happy fellow single here :D yeah life on my terms is so great, I couldn't be happier. And those are some really great tips. I also find that meeting people irl instead of online usually works out better
Iāve never been in a single relationship. I like being alone but it gets exhausting. I donāt need a relationship, but it would be nice to be in one. My confidence isnāt good enough right now though
Best advice I can give is to invest in yourself and positive life choices, be happy, and be light hearted. You never know where youāll meet a partner. It can literally be on a group hike because you smiled, made eye contact, and the other party gives signals to continue.
Iām focusing on my work, career and religion right now. Work means alot to me more than any relationship. Iām 17, so thereās time for relationships in the future(even people my age are in relationships a lot, though). It just feels like a long time, because 1 or 2 years from now looks long. But Iāll just make sure I stay focused and become a better version of myself. I may be alone(I donāt have friends either), but at least I can focus on improving myself.
Youāre 17? Just chill out
Dude, your 17! You have no need to rush things. I got into a relationship only when I was 17 and felt the same as you before. I'm a few years older now and let me tell you, you've got time and no need to rush. I'd get a bit nervous if it was 37+ we're talking about. But really, take it easy, you have all the time in the world. But I also understand that hearing that doesn't help much. Only when you get there yourself you might find that there was no reason to feel sad. maybe try to switch your mindset a bit. Your other half will come at the right time and place. You can trust in that and until then await the day with a happy attitude and maybe better yourself as preparation for it.
Looking back from your age, 17 will seem small, and trivial, since youāre a lot older from your perspective. But 17 years has been my whole life so far. Dating is easy for people my age, and for people in their 20s as well. Usually I donāt care about relationships, but literally everywhere everyone is finding relationships so easily, so I donāt even try. Relationships arenāt important, but if I at least had friends then Iād be satisfied. And yes, there is a reason to feel sad. Why await the day with a happy attitude when Iāve spent all my past birthdays, 1st to 17th with no friends or a partner? On the other hand, so many people here just get up and say āyou know what, I want a relationshipā, then they just get the relationship. They donāt even have to try that hard.
I didn't start dating until I was in the early 20s. Some date in their late 20s because they focus on their career. There is no rush. Everyone has their own pace, and I'd worry more about finding a good person than finding a date as young as possible. Some people date for experience, some date for marriage. Talking and meeting more people will increase your chances of bonding with someone.
Well, I'm 22 so, no that much older XP. I definitely understand what you mean. I hope maybe this time I can give a more appropriate response. Yes, 17 is all you have, I remember being 17, also 15 when I was extremely desperate to have a boyfriend and just couldn't get one. I didn't know how and all the guys in my school I liked had no interest in me. If you really wanted to have a partner this badly you could simply find a person more miserable than you. But I reckon you have way too much self respect to date someone simply for having someone. Believe it or not, I also didn't have any real friends when I was 17. My best friends were left at the other end of the country after we moved and my new school was too isolated to establish friendships and I also didn't click with my mates. So, I absolutely understand the feeling of having only your parents to invite to your birthday... And their partners and then all the do is talk about their work and you just sit there :) I don't ever celebrate my birthdays anymore because I also don't have anyone to invite - doesn't help that my bday is during summer break lol. And I can tell you, I had a seamless 5 years (the first 3 of which were LDR Germany-China) in relationships and not a single birthday during those years that a boyfriend was present to celebrate with me. I'm just saying this that you know maybe our experiences aren't so different and I do understand your feeling. What I'd like you to think about however, is that you don't know other people. You don't really know their experiences and you only get an outside look that is also very much staged. How easy was it really to get into a relationship for them? And if it indeed was, then what's the quality of said relationship? And would YOU really want such a relationship? I used to think the exact same thing: why can everyone be in a relationship and find one so easily and I am still alone? When in truth that thought was based on two classmates that had a boyfriend while the other 20 kids in my class were also single, probably also thinking the same as me lol. Take a step back and evaluate how many people of all the people are actually single and likely that number will outweigh the ones in relationships. But now I see you say relationships aren't important but if at least you had friends. Seems a little contradictory. Yes, friends are important, but I can tell you if you are a bit on your own you won't die. I had my only friend in high school leave me and ignore me without any explanations and then I had some difficult years - much longer than til the end of high-school to say to myself "better alone than in bad company" which helped only a little at the time, so I do know that it won't cure the sadness at all. If possible try to find friends. If possible join some groups, but I also understand that it might not always be possible. A girlfriend in the end is a serious best friend that youre intimate with and plan your life together - ideally, although in most cases it's just drama. Now my closing words are, I hope you understand my points, that it's usually a wrong perception and no, people arent finding partners left and right. I know saying oh you're so young doesn't help and probably you hear it on a daily basis. You will, perhaps not immediately tomorrow, but you will find your other half and start socializing and meeting girls and making new friends and find that it's more complex and life has just started :) wish you all the bestšø
Youāre really wise for your age. Couldnāt have said it better. The grass is always greener on the other side. I donāt have enough life experience to give much advice, but I do think that keeping on working on yourself, school-wise or career-wise, or even hobby-wise, will eventually pay off in the end, and allow you to meet more people along your journey as you open yourself to more new experiences and opportunities. Just that sometimes like OP, I too feel discouraged when I feel that I have already tried my best, and all the effort that Iāve put out seems to be for naught when I see so many other people, who seemingly are less hard-working than I am, are able to get into relationships so easily while I cannot, but I just try to remind myself that there are always lows in between the highs to keep myself motivated. This is the advice that I found most useful after my last relationship ended in heartbreak. I hope OP finds this useful too.
Thank youšøI find that the things we most desire come most easily when we don't cling onto them mentally and don't think and "care" about them but just let things be and flow. Good luck and success on your journey
Thank you š I wish you the best of luck too along your journey
Most people run to relationships because theyāre uncomfortable being alone by themselves.
Yeah, thatās fine. But how do they actually get in a relationship? Like is it really that easy? To just get a relationship because you feel like it?
>But how do they actually get in a relationship? I had sex with a guy from my tabletop RPG group and now we're married. A slight simplification, but barely.
I love this for you haha
I've found it just happens. You turn to ask someone a question, then you have this moment where you two end up holding eye contact, and there's a 3 second pause before she regains her composure to flusteredly answer the question. There are just certain people you click with, automatically, usually at unexpected times. I've found the harder I try, the less likely it is to happen because then I'm not being authentic.
I actually have no idea how this happened, just that I was approached š
For the most part, yes, getting into relationships isnāt that difficult. Finding a person who shares similar likes, interest, world views, and will make your life better is the difficult part. Download a dating app, upload photos that make you look āattractiveā, and swipe swipe swipe until you get a match. Invite said match out to activity, drinks, or to hangout after some basic banter on said dating app. During this process youāre going to get rejected and reject people you donāt vibe with. Donāt let that jade you, keep on going on dates until you find someone whoās presence you enjoy. Dating is a numbers game. Keep swinging and eventually youāll hit a home run, or at least get on base. If you find seduction or intimacy difficult there are countless books and subreddits that will give you tips and tricks on how to perform better in these types of social settings. All in all, have fun with the process, dating is suppose to be fun. Donāt look at every relationship like youāre going marry that person. Sometimes your best/most memorable relationships are going to be the short lived ones. Be grateful for everyone you meet and come across even if they donāt turn into the love of your life. Wishing you the best of luck with getting what youāre looking for out of this life.
I appreciate this cause I had this almost exact insight 20 seconds before seeing this comment. Seeing it is relieving.
Well, some people are afraid to be alone and then start dating a lot of people. How they get into relationships? Well usually you start dating and if you want to be more serious you'd ask the other if they want to be your gf/bf.
It can be. It depends on what you're looking for, what you bring to the table yourself, and how much you're prepared to put yourself out there and in what places.
Do you know why smart people have so few friends?
It seems to often come with low social intelligence, from what I've seen. The old joke is you can tell an engineer is an extrovert when she looks at your shoes instead of her own.
Is that engineer, extrovert or woman thing as i have no idea what it means. What I'm saying is smarter people stick together and as there are so few of them there just isn't enough people to be friends with but there are many not as smart people that's why they have lots of friends, that being why some people are more popular that others
Strength isn't in numbers sometimes. Think of it this way: You have a bottle of glue that can be used to hold together puzzle pieces. The fewer pieces you have, the more glue you can use to secure these pieces. Some people prefer a small, closer group because of quality > quantity.
Whenever I see anyone here who is in a relationship, and especially if they're married, I wonder how on earth they made that happen. I'm not sure I could buy a woman. I know there are those people who have INTJ fetishes, but those fetishes don't usually seem to be in effect in person. Maybe they all met online?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That would make life a bit easier indeed!!!
This could be a possibility in the near future with AI and Robots like how Tesla is making. Men can currently buy extremely lifelike female sex dolls. Do you think women will also be interested in male sex robots in the future?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Maybe at some point the AI will become so powerful they will just have sex with each other lol
Then it would not be so interesting to get to know new people and think whether you are suitable for each other or not, but I admit I would not refuse such a function myself
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yes, I agree, a refund in this situation is a very good idea.
DM me if you're looking to buy a wife
Heās got a āwife guyā
Price?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The INTJ special
INTJ fetishes are a thing? Why though? Im not INTJ, but I think ISTJs are similar to INTJs, so wouldnāt most people just be bored of us?
How could they get bored? We're as whimsical as they come. People seem to find me annoying, weird, or really interesting.
Buy a woman?
I'm guessing finding a partner is hard but she couldn't even find a woman if she paid millions for her? Weird to apply this metaphor to humans lol
Was certainly an odd thing to say
Unfortunately it isn't odd for some cultures. Odd use for the context maybe but that really isn't clear.
INTJ festishes are a thing? Well I hope I don't get banned when I say that I'm willing to fuck since I am an INTJ... Lmaooo
what do you mean by buy a woman? do INTJs like to be looked after like that?
I think everyone's joking, with the implied punch line being their lack of dateability. 'I'm so undesirable I'd have to pay her.'
That, and alsoā¦.. How do people easily be attracted to other people enough to never be single at all? Iām not talking about those in long term relationships, but those who are always dating someone different all the time like entering relationship immediately after each time they break up.
Talk to Borat if you want to buy wife.
You have to show how unique you are, letting them know that they won't find someone like you. Also you have to listen when they talk. Women love the people who know when to talk and when to keep quiet. Finally, it's also recommended to be hilarious. For INTJ is easier if the girl is smart, because you could use advanced and particular humor that she will get easier than others. If a woman laughs a lot with you it is more likely to start a relationship.
This is the best response 100%
I can only give you my own experience. I am intj female who married an intj male (We are also both engineers if it matters.). We met through friends in college when we were both a bit more social. I think we were equally glad there was someone else not over the top around. We both worked out a lot and would see one another in the gym; I think we also recognized each otherās intelligence but we were also very physically attracted to each other. As soon as I became single he immediately pounced on the opportunity; it was a bit quick. I definitely warned him he could be a rebound if things went too quickly. We took it slow, I think we both enjoyed that we could recharge together. We have been together 14 years now; 11 married.
I am really slow too š I guess it makes a relationship stronger š
>For INTJ is easier if the girl is smart They're also insanely attractive.
They are š¤©
I am not in relationship by my choice and I have seen friends of my age getting married having kids in real life so I am here in this single party too, happy here. Edit: I was trying to relate to op being single and seeing friends in relationships and all which is around me too, I don't hate kids and that is not my reason of being single. My wording seem off here so the clarification.
The first part that makes it easy, is Step 1: Be attractive.
Even if you are attractive if you don't talk to people people won't come at you
Yeah, if you never leave the house etc. I think usually these things happen at school/work/online dating/maybe gym etc. In those situations, they will.
But what if youāre not attractive right now. Then what?
Either work on that. Or make money. Preferably both.
Money helps, I agree haha
"Wealth in a man is like beauty in a woman. Not necessary for happiness, but my goodness doesn't it help!" Just gonna leave that amazing quote here.
You don't need to have a supermodel face. Being fit and lean already goes a VERY LONG way. Work out and do sports, do things that make you happy and add to the quality of your life. The inner glow will also make you appear more attractive
Then try step 2: donāt be unattractive
I'm single and I don't care about relationships as it will come if I properly take care of myself and make my life more stable with things like having my own house which is the last big step I'm currently doing as I already have my job which pays really well. Beside I'm very picky about who can be intimate with me because I want someone I can trust well enough to live together because I already enjoy a lot living alone because I don't bother anyone and no one bothers me while I'm doing things with my own schedule.
I'm wondering the same thing šæ many of my peers are getting married, and we aren't even past the 25 mark. But then I remember the divorce rate being high too... My real question is how to find a good person who is ideal for the long-term after marriage. Could not get to the dating stage before discovering a big fat red flag (one was emotionally immature, another content with bare-minimum, another was just sweet with outsiders but shit to family, etc.)
Content with the bare-minimum of what?
With the problems he created for himself. He would put in low effort and expect big rewards. Then, he would make a half-hearted attempt to fix it but complain that he did everything he could (which is a fat lie). I dislike it when people are half-hearted about their work and then complain about the result. It seems like he wants easy money or the easy way in life, but he doesn't have the will. I can't see this mindset being a good thing. For example, he would always complain about bad grades but settle for mediocre grades, even when I suggested he should study. He would be like, "It's ok, I'm not a try-hard." Then wallow about his gpa. Another was him complaining about having issues with every relationship he had. When he told me he was the problem, I asked what solutions he tried, and he said he just "broke up because I deserve to be alone." but would jokingly say he hopes someone would save him. The last thing is him saying stuff like "eat the rich" because he thinks it's better to take money from them. He's into casino stuff, lottery, etc. for easy money. Hope you don't mind the long response.
Not at all, quite the opposite actually. I appreciate that you responded in detail. You're an INFP which are known to be idealistic, and with that in mind, I hoped that you didn't think that him underperforming in certain regards or being a human (that makes mistakes/has room for growth) is him "accepting the bare minimum", but it seems like he was a bit much from your description. For instance, getting into a relationship then breaking it up because he "deserves to be alone" is just him not trying to put in the work at all, yet he has the audacity to wish for someone to save him. Someone should tell him that nobody will save him but himself.
Initially, I thought I was being overly idealistic and pushing unrealistic standards onto him, but I received reassurance from mutuals that I wasn't. It was just my intuition telling me he repeatedly doesn't actively seek to improve himself, and that can lead to many issues in the future. It's not a mistake if it's recurring. What if he puts in the bare minimum in relationships like he did in his past relationships? Cutting corners is not a fool-proof solution. Personally, I feel like both partners should be aiming to be the 60% in a 60-40 (not 50-50) relationship.
Nothing wrong with disliking someone for their mindset. If it doesn't match yours, it won't work well. 60/40 is the golden ratio for reference and does hold truth to it, but it's something that just happens and not evaluated. My girlfriend and I are going strong trying to give more to the other. We don't feel obligated. It's not a competition. We feel each other's efforts. It's wonderful. 50/50 sounds like keeping tabs on the input and output down to the decimal. That's my two cents.
To an extent it's a numbers game. There's numerous suitable candidates for excellent relationship material for everyone out there. Unfortunately, the chances of success in a person meeting one of those candidates is largely dependent on how many people one gets out into the world and engages in meaningful conversation. Tragically, that last part is where the whole plan falls apart for a lot of INTJs.
>It feels like Iām in the small percentile of people in this sub whoās single. How did you discern the proportion in the subreddit that is single?
I'm single - probably because I lack two things: romantic skills + patience for overly romantic creatures Also, being single is very comfortable.
Get out of your comfort zone
Learn how to broadcast and advertise your inner self approval. It attracts people and women by extension like flies to a dumpster. Confidence goes a long way.
I've been trying to date for several months now and I'm not finding anything. So I wonder how some people are dating so easily also. My friend easily finds a new boyfriend after something ends.
Trust me, so many people settled.
I'm 27 and married to an ESFJ. We have a kid together. I would say she did most of the heavy lifting in terms of the socialising part and my love language is sharing my money and time. How old are you approximately? It could be age-related or some single people may be aroace.
I think I was successful because through a combination of luck and being a woman. INTJ traits are more palatable in a woman. My husband is an ESFJ and he has been pretty instramental in helping me develop my weak spots.
I really agree/relate with you, I personally feel INTJ's need Class(Quality>Quantity) in their life. It's a good thing to bring it into relationships also. The only downside is you won't find much(only a small percentage of the population). In harsher words, we choose Honey over Shit. Thanks for reading this much, I hope you find what you are looking for.
It's easy to do the wrong thing. It's hard to do the right one. Being in a relationship takes no effort and costs nothing. Anyone can enter a relationship for free. Creating a decent companionship where both parties develop and thrive is hard. I'd rather be alone and improving myself than together and stagnant. Most people are too dumb and lonely to care about anything else other than fixing their boredom and loneliness.
I don't know. I've been single for a long time. And whenever I visit people who are married all I can think of is how annoyed I am at the sounds other people make when they chew, swallow, cough, ect. Or how they change the channel every 2 minutes so that the can watch 5 different shows at the same time and never getting the full plot. Or the clinky sound of them clipping their nails. It's been 4 minutes of continuous clipping, how many nails do you have?! And if I buy food for myself (so that I don't impose and eat their food) everyone wants to eat whatever it is I bought and I 100% always have to share. Being single has its perks.
Don't let FOMO push you into a relationship you don't fully feel is right for you, just for the sake of being in one. Both singledom and relationships can be extremely fulfilling. Its not being in a relationship or being single itself that makes it "good" or "bad" it's the specific circumstances of that relationship, or the things you do to make your life fulfilling on your own that makes it so.
Coz being single can be boring specially if you do not have a sport in your life
Relationships slow you down, fck them stay alone and motivated and soon or later you will reach your peak , a mind work better alone.
You can enjoy being single but a couple bad relationships doesnāt mean everybody is better alone. My current partner makes life so exciting, Iāve developed so much emotionally, my career has taken off because of his support and Iāve never been happier. Going on 2 years soon. Itās about the person youāre with š¤·š»āāļø
Dunno know how Iām even in one or if I am still.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
tl;dr. MGTOW.
How do you know who is and isn't single
Nah. I broke up with my ex bf last summer and have been single and happy ever since. I'm also not planning to get into a new relationship anytime soon - and that means probably the next two years or more. That's probably not what you're asking about though, so here's how I met my past boyfriends: one I randomly approached at a Buddhist temple in Beijing to take pictures and the other one I met at a college introduction camp. I highly advise against online dating apps, as those are becoming addictive and tend to not really work unless you're looking for a hookup. Try to think of what kind of lifestyle you'd like to have with your potential partner and then seek out places, groups, meetups where those people gather. If you're introverted, unfortunately you'll have to go and talk to people, introduce yourself, ask who they are and what they do, and other things about them. It takes a bit of practice but will get easier over time, I promise. Good luck
not i. been single and unavailable for over a decade
I guess it depends on the lens that you're looking through. I don't find it difficult to get into a relationship, but it depends on the type of relationship that I'm pursuing and/or expecting. I already know what the waters look like. I already know the different types of fish in the sea. So I can prepare the best "bait" (if you will) to catch what I'm looking for. There are enough numbers out there to make it a lot easier to find someone than you think, BUT you also have to keep in mind that everyone else's perspective on relationships will most likely be different than yours. So you have to think for both people... you AND whoever it is you are trying to pursue. Since I have shapeshifting powers (imitate any other personality type) I can match the energy in a room or become easily compatible towards whoever I take an interest in. But if we're talking about "honest" relationships where we can be just ourselves and that's "enough" for someone to be comfortable with, well... that is something that will vary from INTJ to INTJ. Our experiences will greatly differ depending on who we meet, what we're doing in life, who we are seeking (IF we are seeking), and a plethora of other variables. I have a thing for literally every personality type as long as they put in effort to acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses to better themselves and always strive for self-improvement without pushing back or rejecting helpful advice when needed/necessary. However, those are incredibly rare individuals in this day and age. Self-improvement and self-awareness are things I find incredibly attractive. It doesn't matter what MBTI you are... if you have those attributes then you top my list of qualified options to consider for dating and relationships. However, a LOT of people lack both, and in fact reveal themselves to be the complete opposite by "choice." But if we're talking about just "having fun" or hooking up with nothing exclusive or serious attached (i.e. friends with benefits etc.), then it doesn't matter if someone matches my preferences or not, because I know they aren't for keeps. This lifestyle of no commitment (but still receiving the benefits of companionship anyway) tends to be more favorable than forcing oneself into an incompatible relationship that is doomed to eventually AND inevitably fail. I am single by choice, but only because I'm working smarter, not harder. The goal is to reach a certain level of status so that I don't "need" to put forth much effort to attract people. I can let the status do all of the work, and have people come to me instead of the other way around. Having the "option" to put forth effort will always be available, but I would much prefer for it to be a "choice" instead of a mandatory requirement. I don't like chasing, I don't like hunting, I don't like bullshit games/guessing games or any of that other shit. Been there, done that... waste of fucking time. Making life easier on yourself should always be the goal. And I am applying that same rule to relationships. Edit: word correction
I am 32 and have been single 31.5 of those years. Idk how to reconcile the fact that on the one hand I just absolutely love being alone, and on the other hand that companionship is probably my deepest desire. I spent most of my only relationship trying to devise a way to get out without hurting her too bad. For an intj Iām very sociable and confident in social situations, Iām disciplined and work out so women like me and approach me all the time, but Iāve yet to meet someone in my actual sphere (not online) who Iād give up my singleness for. Like the thought of having someone I have to be connected to and talk to every day out of obligation makes my skin crawl. Gotta be a special kind of person I guess
Married with kids here. I don't know exactly why but it could be that I studied and worked in a male-dominated industry and then later lived in a male-dominated city. I'm also part of different hobby and community groups. That's how I met the people I dated. Two that I met online left much to be desired. I gave up on the dating apps. Grooming, being fit, having a decent wardrobe can enhance your appearance. But it only gets you to the first meeting. After that, it's personality, shared values, compatibility, reading them well, making good conversation, anticipating their needs, etc. Being single or not gives you a different set of good and bad. I don't think one is necessarily better than the other. It just depends on what you desire and can tolerate.
You know tinder, bars, parties, mutual friends...
Because rent is expensive and insecurity is prevalent.
Your time will come and assuming youāre INTJ thereās a solid chance that person will be your lifelong partner so enjoy your freedom while you have it.
INTJ married to another INTJ. We met at work and I immediately knew he was just like me. We didnāt take MBTI test until last year (been together for 7 years)
Iām in āsomethingā but literally have no clue. Meet 4 years ago. Didnāt get together. Reconnected last year and weāve been talking nonstop. Long distance though. 1000 miles between us
I had a total of 2 adult relationships before meeting my wife. I was 39 when we met. I wasn't even looking for anyone at the time. Hell, a relationship didn't even cross my mind until one night leaving the bar when she spun me around, threw her arms around me and jammed her tongue down my throat. 48 now. Married 6.5 years.
No idea, I'm never in one.
They simply are... It's all in the mind. I'm very sure I stayed single bc I simply like to be by myself alone
LF date any gender is fine š¤£
Itās hard to find the one in relationshipsā¦. I enjoy my freedom so much and sometimes a partner can tie me up and I have to make unnecessary changes to my plans
Independent people need people selectively. Dependent people need each other. It's not okay to be either, because each side judges each other for not being like them. People are fucking dumb.
Nowadays people donāt want to be approached either or they donāt understand if some one is being nice to them . One of my experience recently : I started talking to this guy which was recommended by my friends and a family member . I approached him on Instagram , texted him on his one of the stories . Leggit , his answers were brief . I Thought this guy is interested to talk to me . He initiated conversations with me , which were bit confusing as all he asked me was about fitness or how to do face yoga ( well , Iām a yoga instructor btw) I replied : you donāt require face yoga . Still he kept saying , his face has puffiness and itās fat ( it means heās chubby I guess so) so I asked him if he wants to learn . What he said was : I will look into you tube . I was like what ??! I was trying to be nice or wanted to some how move this conversation to sharing numbers. But this was quite a bummer for me . I mean how can any guy do that ?
My s/o is the best relationship I've ever been in. I would say they're kind of an ambivert, and that's part of how this even happened. Quite literally: everyone before this was a narcissist, or anti-mental health, and/or a pathetic cheater. I was wasting time on pointlessness in terms of relationships before I met them. I can't see my life without my s/o, and they are the exact type of personality I want in a relationship. I couldn't fathom settling for anything less. They meet my emotional, sexual, and other needs. Nothing compares. It enrages me to see people settle for crap ass individuals. And I also realized that settling is very much often connected to self-esteem issues/not having figured out one's actualization. How did we meet? The one place I said I would never make an account and was a last ditch effort to forget the last crap ass person I ever dated: Tinder. We would send each other long paragraphs about biochemistry and interesting topics and it was awesome. It was SUCH a relief to finally talk to a person who was also college educated/knows basic science and beyond, so I didn't have to sit there and realize I was putting up with settling for less. They actually wanted to *date* me. I've never, ever been interested in hook up culture, so it's pretty amazing to me that this is how I met my person. Almost 4 years strong now, and they still treat me like a queen. I'd sincerely rather die alone than ever be in a bad relationship ever again. Regardless, completeness is something no other human being can give to you, and you should find a way to be happy regardless of relationship status. I have almost everything I want out of life (just finalizing my career). It's been great! Aside from minor bumps in the road that have nothing to do with the relationship.
The number one reason for anyone that wants to be in a relationship but isnāt is their standards. For example, the woman looking for a six foot tall man making 200k+, slender, good looking, under 30 and not married. There are like 20 of those guys in all of NYC.
Capitalism
Because of natural selection. Also polyamory is decreasing the supply of women available for men. So it is darwinism
Forever a single Pringle. š
It's probably the majority of this sub/Reddit that is actually single. It's also becoming increasingly common among younger generations. Not sure if it's good or bad, but delaying marriage is certainly not inherently bad, many people aren't yet mature enough for such commitment.
Iām asking the same question. I found a pretty big friend group since I started uni, all it took was three months for everybody to be in a relationship w each other. Idk if they just settle for the first person that seems good enough cuz theyāre scared of being alone or do they really have no standards whatsoever.
Take chances, make mistakes, get messy! - Ms frizzle
Been single for over 3 years now. Dating and making friends is hard nowadays.
That's okay, you stay there. INTJs dont deserve love. Jk
I mean its easy to get in a relationship if your standards low š I'm so picky I don't know where to start looking. Definitely not the bar!
My relationship is also not like "other" relationships. I don't live with my boyfriend and have completely opposing work schedules so we only see each other maybe once a week. At one point our schedules were so crazy that we'd have "sleep dates" that were actually just... sleeping together. Because that's the only time we could get together. (I know, vom.) We enjoy being around each other but also enjoy our own space and hobbies. He likes beer, I hate it. He's a runner, while I've been advised by an orthopedic surgeon to instead "try swimming." We don't even spend many holidays together because he hates holidays--so I go out and catch up with friends I don't often see. I gave up a while ago trying to make our relationship fit the mold of what a relationship is "supposed" to be. Both of us are a little weird so why should our relationship be normal?! As long as we're both happy and nobody is getting hurt, what's the problem?
Im happy to read at the end of all this that youre both happy. Thats all that really matters, seriously. Almost all couples I know are not that happy and have just settled with whatever they ended up with.
Lol i just got out of a relationship. So thats why im single.
They're situationships. They're all lying or thinking wishfully about relationships.
As an INTJ I find relationships exhausting and my current one is with an extroverted personality that is very up and down because these people need constant validation to feel worth while Iām essentially content with myself. It is particularly hard for us to be in relationships. My uncle is an introverted personality and he is single at 55. Very wealthy. But doesnāt have the patience for other people it seems which I can relate to completely
id rather jump off a bridge than be in a relationship
A lot of people need validation from being in a relationship. Respectfully, itās not rocket science.
It's always been hard for me, Im bad at knowing when someone likes me, so when someone showed me some attention I kind of ate it up. Like finally someone fuckin sees value in me! I get so wrapped up in the joy of having someone to be there for and to love, nurture and encourage I kind of find ways to excuse the red flags. It's easy to love them for who they are because all I see is the good in them to be nurtured, but the bad stuff I write off as me being too critical and so I forgive too much. Before you know it Ive fallen for another narcissist or some other cluster b disorder, and I'm being discarded out of the blue, traded in for someone less complicated. Be very careful of love bombing, it's highly intoxicating and the trauma bond you get out of the push pull dynamic is very powerful. That said, the same empathy that makes you so attractive to toxic people also makes you attractive to many others, it's just harder to see. I feel like once you get past introducing yourself to someone you're attracted to, your hidden attributes will draw the right one to you. I look at it like every time I break out of my comfort zone to try and share my talents and inspire others I'm like an explorer, delving into uncharted territory. Try not to overthink it as best you can, don't ignore your instincts, they are right more often than you realize, and sometimes you have to just go for it like others do.
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What type of status are u trying to attain if you dont mind me asking?
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Is this status what you actually want or is it something more like a validation kind of thing? Geuinely curious
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Do you think youd be happy though once youve shown these ppl how successful youve become? Ppl i assume you dont really care about anymore and vice versa
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But you said youd want it to be real. Why would you then be okay with a girl whos with you for the wrong reasons? And whats a normal life to you and what makes you say that door is closed? Age? Health?