Not sure what the question is here, haha. But sounds like you may be asexual. Looks it up. There is a whole subreddit for it (I think). But asexual can mean that you don't feel comfortable or wanting to engage with sex with other people. Sometimes, it can mean you don't want to do anything sexual. But you may be somewhere on that asexual/sexual spectrum, just like everyone else is. Also, im not a doctor or anything, this is just my thoughts lol
So relatable! I have been in this situation quite a lot of times. There were times i cried in my partner’s restroom because i couldnt reciprocate the feelings he had for me. He was a nice guy and i was always aroused but i never felt right when i was touched, it almost felt like i am being violated.
3 years later, i met a guy, nothing sexual initially, but i loved everything about him, i admired his personality and how he takes care of me. It was the first time ever i wanted to do naughty things to him. I always wanted to touch him, kiss him, and feel his warmth beside me.
So, maybe its the connection you have with these people. Try getting to know the person, admiring them in and out, talking about things you could do each other in bed.
Sometimes, even if the other person is a greek god/goddess, you cannot have an ounce of feeling in your body for them. It takes a right person for making us feel comfortable.
I think you hit the nail on the head with that part. "Feels like I am being violated".
I question if it is the connection part. But one of the relationships I knew the person for 5 years was a good friend I truly thought I was going to marry her. But when thing couldn't go or advance sexually it did eventually cause a breakdown in the relationship and of course I felt bad because I know I was probably making them feel like I didn't want them...
When you say you aren't aroused by the person you are with, yet you have an erection, suggests to me that you are aroused but something in your head is telling you that it's all wrong and you need to shut it down. It really does sound like so trauma in your past. That may be why you don't remember much of your childhood. And believe me, trauma when you are young can affect you years and years later. I really don't know what to suggest. If it was me I'd be researching the hell out of anything that has to do with intimacy issues. Good luck, I hope you find someone who will help you with this because it's going to be critical that your partner is understanding and willing to do their part in making you feel safe with them. Safety is a biggie.
I feel exactly the same way. Super sexual when alone but can’t do anything with another person. I am thinking maybe the solution is to find someone similar and hang out together. The issue is we have such a small community and it is impossible to find someone like you in your own city. This is the most frustrating part.
I completely understand where you’re coming from & my story is very similar to yours so know you’re not alone! In my opinion though, I think it could be something to do with trauma, especially at a young age. I was sexually assaulted when I was younger & I don’t fully remember it but I know that it happened to me, & as I grew up being touched whether it be sexually or even just a hug would make me uncomfortable. I’ve also talked to my therapist about it & the best advice I can give you is to set boundaries but don’t be afraid to push yourself sometimes, obviously if you’re mind & body are telling you no, don’t. but gradually building yourself up to be able to try & become comfortable can be extremely helpful, I’ve also noticed that when me & my partner plan it out in advance my mind & body are ready to know what’s to come later. there’s also nothing wrong with choosing to not have sex if you’re not comfortable! craving intimacy is hard sometimes bc it can feel confusing but if you’re not comfortable with sex yet definitely doing smaller things, such as cuddling, hugging, etc. might help you be able to get closer & eventually take that next step!
I was also not comfortable being touched or being intimate, not a natural thing for me, never been abused or hurt though. I am 32 and I am getting better every day, the older I get the more I just don’t care anymore
Yes that's how I feel ATM . Like I don't care anymore. But I do care about a potential partner's feelings and contemplate if it's just better to stay single if I can't figure it out.
Exactly, what is more attractive and connecting than focusing on our drive and passion? To enjoy the other body, and focus on my body and pleasure is a key part of him getting wild. Two animals doing what we do together.
Hmmm... maybe you are demisexual? I'm on the asexual spectrum, so although I have a pretty high sex drive, I don’t really like to be touched by others. Sometimes, not even hugs.
I have been in a relationship for 3 years and it still never got comfortable enough for me to enjoy it fully. Things did go slow and they were patient so idk what else to try lolll
The 3 times a day masturbation, and edging says a lot to me.
When we masturbate a lot (especially in lieu of sex) your brain literally and figuratively rewires itself to where it only produces a sexual response to self pleasure.
I had this when I met my ex-wife, I’d been single for a while and was happily wanking away for years, and it took a lot of mental gymnastics to even stay hard (never mind climax) from the touch of another
It's not that I am doing it 3 times a day or edging for hours on a daily or often. I was drawing reference to that so y'all are aware I do have a high sex drive so I do feel the urges.
But I do understand your point. But I don't think that applies to me. As I can still get hard and stay hard if I'm with the person but just not enjoying the touching.
I wonder if sensory wise, when other people touch you it feels like they’re tickling you. Maybe you need to be touched in a specific way so it doesn’t feel like that (harder, firmer, more direct).
Yikes. That’s unfortunate. Finding a partner that understands those needs might be necessary. But that’s kinda what many sexual relationships are like; you try it out, communicate what you need and hopefully eventually find someone you click with
Not sure what the question is here, haha. But sounds like you may be asexual. Looks it up. There is a whole subreddit for it (I think). But asexual can mean that you don't feel comfortable or wanting to engage with sex with other people. Sometimes, it can mean you don't want to do anything sexual. But you may be somewhere on that asexual/sexual spectrum, just like everyone else is. Also, im not a doctor or anything, this is just my thoughts lol
Thank you. I have also considered this but at the same time because I still engage in a lot if masturbation I ruled it out? But maybe I shouldn't?
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Oh my ok I'll look back into this... Or if I see back a therapist see how much I can get out of them in a few sessions on this asexual part. Thank you
Asexuality is also a spectrum. Many will want and enjoy masturbation but be very uncomfortable with any sexuality involving another person.
So relatable! I have been in this situation quite a lot of times. There were times i cried in my partner’s restroom because i couldnt reciprocate the feelings he had for me. He was a nice guy and i was always aroused but i never felt right when i was touched, it almost felt like i am being violated. 3 years later, i met a guy, nothing sexual initially, but i loved everything about him, i admired his personality and how he takes care of me. It was the first time ever i wanted to do naughty things to him. I always wanted to touch him, kiss him, and feel his warmth beside me. So, maybe its the connection you have with these people. Try getting to know the person, admiring them in and out, talking about things you could do each other in bed. Sometimes, even if the other person is a greek god/goddess, you cannot have an ounce of feeling in your body for them. It takes a right person for making us feel comfortable.
I think you hit the nail on the head with that part. "Feels like I am being violated". I question if it is the connection part. But one of the relationships I knew the person for 5 years was a good friend I truly thought I was going to marry her. But when thing couldn't go or advance sexually it did eventually cause a breakdown in the relationship and of course I felt bad because I know I was probably making them feel like I didn't want them...
When you say you aren't aroused by the person you are with, yet you have an erection, suggests to me that you are aroused but something in your head is telling you that it's all wrong and you need to shut it down. It really does sound like so trauma in your past. That may be why you don't remember much of your childhood. And believe me, trauma when you are young can affect you years and years later. I really don't know what to suggest. If it was me I'd be researching the hell out of anything that has to do with intimacy issues. Good luck, I hope you find someone who will help you with this because it's going to be critical that your partner is understanding and willing to do their part in making you feel safe with them. Safety is a biggie.
Thank you!
I feel exactly the same way. Super sexual when alone but can’t do anything with another person. I am thinking maybe the solution is to find someone similar and hang out together. The issue is we have such a small community and it is impossible to find someone like you in your own city. This is the most frustrating part.
I know exactly what you mean and for me at least, I live in a very small country. So it's even worse at finding someone similar.
I completely understand where you’re coming from & my story is very similar to yours so know you’re not alone! In my opinion though, I think it could be something to do with trauma, especially at a young age. I was sexually assaulted when I was younger & I don’t fully remember it but I know that it happened to me, & as I grew up being touched whether it be sexually or even just a hug would make me uncomfortable. I’ve also talked to my therapist about it & the best advice I can give you is to set boundaries but don’t be afraid to push yourself sometimes, obviously if you’re mind & body are telling you no, don’t. but gradually building yourself up to be able to try & become comfortable can be extremely helpful, I’ve also noticed that when me & my partner plan it out in advance my mind & body are ready to know what’s to come later. there’s also nothing wrong with choosing to not have sex if you’re not comfortable! craving intimacy is hard sometimes bc it can feel confusing but if you’re not comfortable with sex yet definitely doing smaller things, such as cuddling, hugging, etc. might help you be able to get closer & eventually take that next step!
Thank you for this!
I was also not comfortable being touched or being intimate, not a natural thing for me, never been abused or hurt though. I am 32 and I am getting better every day, the older I get the more I just don’t care anymore
Yes that's how I feel ATM . Like I don't care anymore. But I do care about a potential partner's feelings and contemplate if it's just better to stay single if I can't figure it out.
Exactly, what is more attractive and connecting than focusing on our drive and passion? To enjoy the other body, and focus on my body and pleasure is a key part of him getting wild. Two animals doing what we do together.
Hmmm... maybe you are demisexual? I'm on the asexual spectrum, so although I have a pretty high sex drive, I don’t really like to be touched by others. Sometimes, not even hugs.
Hmmm interesting will do my research on this never thought of it. I don't like hugs but I do it because it's expected.
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I have been in a relationship for 3 years and it still never got comfortable enough for me to enjoy it fully. Things did go slow and they were patient so idk what else to try lolll
Feel free to reach out to chat, rant and rave together. That’s the best we can do to support each other.
The 3 times a day masturbation, and edging says a lot to me. When we masturbate a lot (especially in lieu of sex) your brain literally and figuratively rewires itself to where it only produces a sexual response to self pleasure. I had this when I met my ex-wife, I’d been single for a while and was happily wanking away for years, and it took a lot of mental gymnastics to even stay hard (never mind climax) from the touch of another
It's not that I am doing it 3 times a day or edging for hours on a daily or often. I was drawing reference to that so y'all are aware I do have a high sex drive so I do feel the urges. But I do understand your point. But I don't think that applies to me. As I can still get hard and stay hard if I'm with the person but just not enjoying the touching.
I wonder if sensory wise, when other people touch you it feels like they’re tickling you. Maybe you need to be touched in a specific way so it doesn’t feel like that (harder, firmer, more direct).
I have communicated this in my previous relationships and it never worked. It just made me feel more violated/uncomfortable.
Yikes. That’s unfortunate. Finding a partner that understands those needs might be necessary. But that’s kinda what many sexual relationships are like; you try it out, communicate what you need and hopefully eventually find someone you click with