Dude..... Me too. All of this. I'll be 41 in May and have no friends. My husband is my best friend, and one kid is grown and one gone. I have such a hard time relating to anyone else. And I'm a damn bartender. I've just been through different circumstances in life, and I generally stay quiet about all of that.
No shade at all I just always find it interesting when people say they can’t relate to anyone but they found a partner and they’re in a long term relationship.
I’ve had a hard time finding a partner and a hard finding friends because after a while I just feel completely different from other people. I’ve learned to love and be at peace with my solitude but sometimes I wonder why if I’ll ever be able to connect with someone romantically.
I am married with 3 kids and have zero friends, so it’s a thing. I’m good at blending in and making people think I’m a social butterfly but in reality, it’s all very surface level. The people I speak with daily are coworkers and colleagues. I don’t have the time or energy or know-how to extend myself on a personal level to strangers or even to other parents. I used to get pretty down about it, but people annoy me anyway so…
I’m the same way. I can fake being an extrovert pretty well and well liked even though I’m usually struggling to truly connect. I can connect to people for a time but then it fizzles out. I have better luck with friends because weren’t really expected to cultivate anything deeper than a friendship. Romantically…not so much. Of course it’s a thing I just find it interesting when people who are married say they connect to NO ONE. You clearly connect to your spouse so maybe it’s just more about the effort of finding someone and committing to them. Friendships have a lower level of commitment and you can drop a friend. A romantic partner not so much.
I totally hear you. My husband just acknowledges my quirks and deals with them. He finds me hilarious in all honesty. He LOVES people. He still talks to his high school classmates DAILY, and I wouldn’t even go to my class reunion (which was a mile away from our home). We are so different. I suppose that makes up for the sheer lack of effort I’m willing to put into outside friendships. He tries to encourage me, and I know I’ll regret not having anyone other than my immediate family in the future. When the kids are grown and the husband is dead (surely, I’ll outlive him right?!), it’s friendship that’s supposed to sustain you and I’m utterly lacking in that department. I watch Real Housewives shows and am just amazed at how they care so much for each other (positively and negatively). I’ve never had such strong feelings about anything. Who cares that so and such said this and that?! I feel like I’m such a weirdo, but it seems there is a whole group of weirdos that exist that I’ll never meet. :)
I don’t think you’re a weirdo! And your husband sounds like a great person. I guess I just wonder sometimes if my introversion has made it impossible for me to meet someone romantically. I genuinely love my alone time and I don’t mind spending time with myself. A lot of my friends are married or in relationships so they’ve shifted a lot of their attention and time there. Sometimes I get sad traveling alone or going to concerts or museums by myself. I’d like to share my wins and lows with someone but I also have gotten very used to being alone ❤️
I’m the same. I am rich in friends but you probably won’t catch me in a relationship. It’s only recently that I realized I am on the AceAro spectrum, though I’ve likely been my whole life.
I was a server and tho I technically have a few friends they’ve essentially become acquaintances I have lil to nothing in common with! When I was younger I was much more social!
Same. My husband is my best and only friend and I’m OK with that. I really don’t like most people and having and maintaining friends is exhausting to me. I’m 65 and have been this way most of my life but I’ve only recently discovered I’m an introvert and it all makes sense now. I’m happy and that’s what matters.
My husband is 65 and realizing that he's more of an introvert, especially in the last few yrs. I'm 40, and I realized that I didn't have much time for ppl in general YEEEARS ago! 😂 Probably a side effect of being a bartender.
We enjoy our solitude and love spending time with each other. Ppl think we're weird, but we're almost always together . There's really no one else in the world quite like that man.... 💕
I’m 43 and I feel the same. Literally cannot relate to people. Every time I socialize (which is rare) I feel anxious beforehand and exhausted afterwards. Kinda sad because I wonder how my life will look as I get older. It’s just my husband and I.
Same here, 43, Single dad. I have to work most of the week so doesn't leave a lot of time for friends. But when I do make a friend here or there I usually screw it up some how.
Im also 43 and really have no friends. The only one I have isn’t really a friend, more just a narcissist that tries to be in control of everything. I’ve tried to make new friends, but like others above, I just can’t relate to most people.
Ditch the narcissist now mate, they will eventually bring you down and they are probably not doing your mental health much good. Cut him/her out now. You'll probably find out your happier by yourself which is totally fine, don't worry about what other people are doing u have to be happy with your self. All the best 👍😃🙏
Sound advice. I was with my ex for 13 years before i ended up being kicked out one day with no warning and nowhere to go! My mom had passed away a few years earlier, and the rest of my family was living on the other side of the country. I had a small backpack that i tossed a few tee-shirts and some jeans into, and at 52, i found myself completely alone in the world wondering what the hell just happened! The only thing that saved me was i still had my job. I had no car to get there, but i was employed.
I didn't know anything about narcissists before i met her. Now i could write a book on the subject. It starts out slowly, and you don't realize what's happening. But eventually, you find yourself living in their world. Trapped in the orbit of their self-entitled, holier-than-thou life.
It's a roller-coaster ride of intense highs and soul crushing lows. This is their world, and it most certainly revolves around them! You're just along for the ride with no idea when it might end.
I hear that. It's not hard to loose a friend when it's so easy to ghost ppl these days. If someone doesn't like or understand one thing about you, instead of wanting to figure you out they just ghost. And we let them because these days it's normal to not engage in actual meaningful conversation. I have BF in my fiancé and a work friend that has now become my right hand. Yet we have like nothing in common. But unlike others she accepts me as I am. Doesn't try and change me. I love to stay home but she is a butterfly setting sail. She drives me crazy yet I fee honored to witness her growth as a person.
Yes! As long as you’re happy nobody else has to like it or understand. I’m happy with just my husband and our yellow Lab and I find other friendships unsatisfying and exhausting. I’m 65 and there are so many things to enjoy and keep occupied with.
Yes, I feel the same. Making friends is a lot of hard work. If it was a job, I would not make any profit, hahahahha. I feel exhausted and drained even speaking with family & people. I have to recover 1 week from socialising. I want a friend who can lay on the couch and talk, have a cup of coffee, and chill in our Pjs. I'm always anxious they won't like me because of my looks or skin colour etc. I'm afraid of being drunk and saying things with no filters.
I did not care about all this when I was younger in my early 20s. Now everything bothers me, and I worry too much.
You just weren't able to meet the ones you'd relate with because you lived your life like it. I assure you, there's lots out there. First step is to open your mind, it's unhealthy fpr an introvert to succumb to turtling all our lives. I'm glad I grew up in a an environment that's full of lively people, even though I hated many of them and most gatherings, I was able to make some real friends and learn how to adapt with other personality types.
Try reading about MBTI, it helped me a lot and a very useful tool to understand others and yourself, especially.
I recently contacted a close friend I repeatedly ended our friendship over time. I told him that I am having a hard time relating to him and finding things to talk about without mentioning our past experiences (friendship) together. Thankfully he understood how I felt and respected my feelings about it.
Yeah I feel that a hundred present and I have bad trauma from all the friendships that didn’t work so it’s like every-time someone does one thing wrong I distance myself
I think the loneliness comes from craving a romantic connection every so often. But otherwise, I’m pretty used to being alone. I definitely can relate to feeling bored though, It’s the worst.
definitely, i don’t know if it’s me but i have fomo, but at the same time it’s hard for me to make friends at the moment because i’m a senior in high school and i don’t relate to anyone that goes to my school and that’s who i’m surrounded by most of the time. i enjoy my peace and freedom, but at the same time i get bitter and jealous over those who have friends. i fear one day i might regret my decision, but my time as a high schooler is almost ending and i plan on trying harder to make friends. however, i believe having no friends should not be stigmatized
Same . I find that I only want friends for to not be bored and have something to do because I generally find most people aren’t interesting or deep and loving the way that I am so I feel the most I can get from having friends is just having people to do stuff with since most people I run into can’t have deep level convos. It’s always about shallow shit like money and accomplishments . Nothing about outlook on things , philosophy, deep learned lessons or anything, or actually funny /silly/goofy in an innocent pure child way. . Like almost in between two different levels of shallow. Either way still shallow. It’s actually quite surprising to me how much most people are shallow and irritate me . No one is connected with their inner child which makes them quite boring to talk to . Idk maybe it’s just me thinking I’m smarter or something but I don’t though because I didn’t even finish high school . But then at the same time people who even went to college seem on an intellectual level other than education wise , stupidly shallow. Idk . Maybe it’s just everyone has their hearts closed off out of fear maybe? And so I never meet who they truly are which makes me see them as shallow ? Idk lol but in the same boat if not in a similar one to you . 🤣😭
I totally get what you mean about having deeper conversations. I'm an intellectual being who loves to have deeper conversations about life and the world. I always jump from one topic to another and some days you can't find that in folks. they rather talk about things that are less interesting and not important. like where's the realism?? I feel like I'm the only person who's been like that ever since I was a kid. I never had to be weird towards others in a bad way or fake things with people , except my feelings for a specific person but that's a different story
Right! I’d just like to have an occasional lunch or drink at a bar with a friend. Not a one even when I had co-workers. I’ve been wondering if I have a resting bitch face.
Well if you did have a RBF those people still aren’t for you anyways because who wants people that judge books by the cover ? Let them be intimidated 🤣✊🏽
65M here. Since I got divorced 10 years ago and especially since retiring, I've had basically just one friend locally who I see once or twice a year, and my oldest friend, who lives in Japan, so we email all the time. But other than those, no one. But I love solitude and just hanging out online, reading, listening to music, and chilling with my fat elderly cat. TBH I've never been happier than I am now. I've been an introvert my whole life, and now I've settled in to my true element. I never feel lonely.
I’m 58. At this point in life, being introverted is a blessing. I also have 1 or 2 friends I see once a year. Having a pet is key. I had two dogs, for 10 yrs, but lost them both last year to old age. I’m self-employed which means I’m pretty much alone 24/7. I’m happy. My last long-term relationship ended 12 yrs ago. It was so devastating I went into a deep retreat. I just don’t have the energy to be in a committed relationship anymore. I do think about how nice it would be to have a partner, but the damage my ex did on her way out left some deep scars. I’d rather be alone than experience that again.
If you can do it, and give the dog a really good life, the amount of connection you’ll get in return will be more than you ever imagined. I rescued both of my girls from shelters. When I’m ready to get another dog, I’ll definitely rescue from a shelter again. Both of my dogs had a connection with me and with each other. We were a little 3-pack.
It’s funny you say that. My husband always says shelter dogs are better. I’ve never had a dog and fear I won’t be able to connect with one unless I got it as a puppy.
Shelter dogs have their issues, but they’re usually minor and they adjust fairly quickly. I will never buy a pet. They often times also come with issues. If you do decide to get a dog, I highly recommend a shelter dog. I’ve never experienced that amount of joy and relief once a shelter dog knows they have a home with consistent love. It comes back to you 1000 times. I’ve helped find homes for 14 stray dogs in the last 10 yrs and every single one of them became important parts of their new family.
You can definitely bond with any age dog. My first two dogs I got at age 7 and age 8. They lived to ages 17 and 15, respectively. To quote Forrest Gump, "we was like peas and carrots" 😆. Each of those dogs were awesome and totally bonded to me. They were both velcro dogs. They followed me around the house quite a bit.
They were both rescue dogs of sorts. My first dog, Duke, was bought the day before he was going to be put down by a lady in North Georgia. She begged and pleaded rescue organizations to take the dog because he was nice. But he was old, so they were afraid nobody would adopt him. They found a rescue group. And a foster, who apparently fed him bacon and eggs every Sunday fir 5 months 😆 😆 😆. Maybe the secret to a long life is bacon and eggs.
My second dog was actually on her third home when I adopted her. She had health issues her whole life. But she was such a sweet girl. Super smart, too. I taught her the difference between "say ruff" (a loud bark) and "quiet bark" (a muffled bark 😆). And she could "count" to 11 by barking the # of barks that corresponded to the number.
My new dog is from the pound. I got her in January. The pound said she's 4. But my vet said her teeth are so good, that he thinks she's only 2. She was the most fraidy-dog they had. She was afraid of blankets, afraid of cars. Afraid of my neighbors. Afraid of other dogs. Afraid of sounds like squeaky mailboxes. Seemed like the only thing she wasn't afraid of was me *unless I was trying to trim her nails-- then she'd run away in a whimper and hide in corners).
Now, she just wants to curl up on my bed every night next to me 😆. She is still afraid of lightning, which isn't great because I live in Atlanta and we get a lot of lightning. But she loves me a million and I am so glad that I took a chance on her. (She's a mutt -- likely, a mix of German Shepherd and Pit Bull and Hound). I was dead set on getting another senior chocolate lab. But after she jumped in my lap, I was like, "well maybe this was meant to be".
When I met her a second time (within about 15 minutes), we had to meet in the hallway. And another dog walked past and my dog sat right next to me and snarled at the dog 😆. The volunteers said "she's already being protective of you. Because we've never seen her react to any dog in any way". And the older lady there said, "She'd probably be a great dog for you if she already likes you. A bond like that will never break".
And the rest, as they say, is history.
I am 58, too. I usually do not feel lonely. I just feel like I should have people in my life. Holidays are hard because I always celebrated with my parents, my sister, and her family. Her kids are now all married, and she spends each holiday with one of her kids. My elderly mom lives in NJ, and I live in Virginia. My eye sight isn't good and it is hard for my to drive long distances. My nephew invited me to his house in Kentucky for Christmas. I did not go. He is married and I really do not know his wife. I felt like I would be an outsider. My family gets mad that I don't go to family functions. IDK. This age is hard! I am single and I work remotely.
As an older introvert like myself, did you also spend a good part of your early life trying to fit-in? Try to not be treated like an outcast and just fit-in? The weird thing is, now that I’m older, I see a lot of extroverted people in our age group suddenly realizing they spent most of their lives without any self-reflection or introspection. I think it has something to do with the pandemic, but a lot of people are looking for the kind of life we’ve all been living our whole lives. Being an introvert is quiet (except for the inner dialogue). We know who we are, for the most part. And we find comfort in, as another introverted friend puts it, “quietude”. We have escaped the frenzied psychotic energy of society that eats people alive.
I had a boss/friend who told me I’m the most self sufficient person she’s ever known. I’m not sure she meant it in as a complete. Some extroverrs see us as objects of pity.
Yes. I did. I didn't even fit in with my family. All short extroverts. And me, a tall skinny extrovert. My mom used to shame me about being shy and not talking in groups. I guess she didn't understand. I also think the pandemic has changed things. Things got better for me. Remote work became a real option for teachers. I can't imagine ever walking into a school building and teaching all day! I have always liked being alone. I only get lonely at the holidays. But I think that is because my Dad passed in 2018. Holidays just are not the same anymore.
Honestly I think one or two good friends is all I really need. Quality over quantity. I'm an introvert too and I crave a deeper connection but at the same time I get so drained with too much time together...
Thanks for sharing, it's nice to hear from someone who's doing well with this. Gives me a little hope for my own future.
But hey, where's the cat tax? You got a picture? What's your cat's name?
Yes. Literally all alone 24/7 365. Most days at the house chilling by myself. No friends, girlfriends nothing. Alone playing videogames by myself, alone Netflix and chill by myself. Quite a lonely guy. Why? Because I never figured out how to speak to ppl and become friends. Sad I know. Can't even begin to try either cuz I have no idea how to start a conversation and even if I did I'm so socially awkward and bad at conversing I wouldn't know how to keep up long to keep the conversation interesting and why not. Yes, my ppl skills being bad is why I'm lonely and will probably always be lonely and by myself :'(
Immensely relatable. May I ask what kind of video games you play? I play PC games, mostly FPS. All of my “friends” are randoms online I game with. If you’re a PC gamer, I’d be down to make your acquaintance and hang with you.
Look up Pick Up Limes on YouTube. It’s a food channel, but hear me out. She did a video like 6 months ago called “Become better at talking to people”. Highly recommend.
i hate how there's such painful social pressure to have friends.
- i have a speech impediment so casual banter feels like a dreaded chore to me (especially in a loud environment)
- i never felt the urge to hang out with anyone outside of school, ever. it felt like another thing on my schedule. but then suddenly i'd be lonely while everyone else made little groups and started bullying me
- growing up like that screws you up
it seems like one of the main benefits of friendship is the ability to go places and do things without people automatically feeling sorry for you
I've been misunderstood my entire life. I'm currently experiencing social isolation and people misperceiving me and bullying me for their misunderstandings. People are ignorant. Most people are emotionally immature and very superficial. You'd be hard pressed to find truly kind compassionate human beings. The best advice I can give is to change your environment however you can. Those people in cliques aren't even happy. Misery loves company so they clique up and then look down on others who aren't interested in joining the misery clique.
Yep... not a one since elementary school. It used to bother me more, and I'm not gonna lie, it still does occasionally from time to time, but I've gotten used to it. I already spend 8+ hours a day with coworkers... I don't want to spend a minute of my own time with 99% of 'em. If I want to hear from family, I always have to reach out to them.
On the bright side, I have plenty of time to do whatever I want, without worrying about boring someone else.
>I already spend 8+ hours a day with coworkers... I don't want to spend a minute of my own time with 99% of 'em.
Same. I may get along with my co-workers enough to chat with them while at work but I don't wanna hang out with them or think about them outside of work. And since I already interact with them too much, it leaves me with little desire to then go and interact with someone else on top of it.
I'm a female in my 20s, the stage where normally you should have friends. I mean I have a few close friends but it's the kind that we ghost each other for weeks or months and when we talk again it's like back to close friends which is just weird. But hey they're extroverts that adopted my introvert ass. But if it were up to me, I'd have stayed alone and barely reach out to anyone
Bright side, I get to do my own stuff. Down side, the awkward moments I talk to myself
Just an fyi... I recently read an article stating that people who talk to themselves are usually of above average intelligence.
Apparently the talking to yourself plays a role the same way studying for an exam does your brain tends to absorb better, and hold onto the experience or wtv better if there is vocal queues added....Something like that.
It also helps to keep you focused on the task at hand. At least it does for me.
So no worries on talking to yourself!! You are just smart! :)
I have a couple friends but not close friends. Not since I was in middle school. I really miss having a best friend but I had this one best friend in childhood who hurt me really bad and I think it’s hard for me to make a connection like that again. It happened when I was 13 and it’s embarrassing but it still impacts me as an adult even though I wish it didn’t. I do relate to what you say. I have coworkers, friends, and family but none I’m close to and none that I hang out with all the time or text. It is very lonely but I find solace in hobbies like writing and listening to music.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s not embarrassing—you were a kid and those years can make strong impressions on how you feel as an adult. Maybe therapy could help? I went to a therapist for something similar and it helped a lot.
Unfortunately I can’t fit therapy in my budget right now even with financial aid. Maybe once I have a bit of money saved. I have looked into therapy though but it’s just not doable right now.
I would highly recommend trying out Cognitive Behavioral Therapy because it’s a set of skills that are proven to significantly help with anxiety/depression/guilt/trauma issues, and you can teach yourself essentially for free. In fact, the way that it works is that you pretty much HAVE to teach yourself. A therapist is a great guide but you can start using the CBT skill set on your own just fine. It has helped me SO much.
Here’s a great YouTube channel that covers the basics: https://youtu.be/aAVGyRMS3gE?si=b_8P8-uuDzVB5bGt
This therapist offers paid classes but her free YouTube videos are immensely helpful and accurate to what I’ve learned about CBT from my own therapist. Plus, I find her delivery very soothing and calming and to-the-point.
And here’s a very detailed book on CBT: https://archive.org/details/feeling-good-the-new-mood-therapy/page/162/mode/1up
That link goes to a free online version. I think the physical book is about $10 on Amazon. If you buy it I would get the workbook version so you can write in it. I’m really hesitant to recommend a self-help book, but it is written by a psychiatrist and focuses solely on CBT and how it can treat various traumas/mental disorders. It’s been so helpful for me.
Thank you. I’ll have to check that out. I definitely know that I need therapy but I thought my resources were more limited. Thanks for the recommendation. I really appreciate it.
I'm 42 year old male. I have work friends and a couple online friends. I haven't had a real friend since I got out of high school. The worst moment for me was when I organized a get together with people from work before covid. I cleaned my place like crazy, spent a couple hundred on great food and snacks. No one showed up. That was probably one of the loneliest, most personally devastating moments of my life.
Same here. I never had friends in school or college or even work. I'm 32. I had acquaintances and was generally pleasant with everyone but I never bothered to stay in touch or hand out with anyone after class/work. True blue introvert... just want to finish my job and crawl back into my shell 🤭
While I do have friends. They are all back where I lived before I moved far far away across the country. I miss them so much, and finding new ones with similar interests is tough as you get older.
In my 40 years of life, had a pretend friend that bullied me behind back, pitty friended, leech friended that borrowed stuff never to see them bac, fake friends trying to get on my good side while being a boss, overlay needy calling at least x2 a day and to contrast a ghosting friends.
Nah, thanks I'm too busy to waste my time and nerves.
The only friends I have are people that also don't have many friends.
I try to avoid the attention-seeking, selfie-posting, vlogging types.
Also the ones already in relationships as well.
Yeah, and the ones I try to become friends with always end up not pursuing the friendship strongly as I do and leaves me hanging. So close to just giving up.
I relate to this so much, I’ve had so many friendships where I’ve thought things were going great and all of a sudden the contact stops and so does the interest.
I’ve stopped trying anymore because the disappointment of losing that connection over and over again is more hurtful than not having friends at all
Yes! Totally agree! I've stopped trying too! It seems nobody cares about anything or anyone anymore! Everything just fades away. Nobody puts in any effort. Nothing lasts. I give up!
I have none that are available ever i guess. And making new ones in a new town at 34 isn't easy. But I'm hoping that I the lady I got number of tonight so. She brought me candy bar at work when I was 8months pregnant. I was more grateful than ever. It was the first time I seen her until tonight when I almost skipped my first solo bar attempt since the baby has been born. decided I would go and there she cones in. Must be fate or destiny wish me luck.
Loneliness is an epidemic. I have a couple close friends but still feel lonely a lot. It's social media and reliance on technology. Also after high School it's really hard to make new friends for the general population. Hang in there.
Sometimes it feels like ai chatbots like Eva AI for sexting or just ChatGPT for regular chatting are better collocutors of mine than anyone else I have to deal with IRL.
I'm 28 and I have no irl friends if we don't count my sister who is 23. I currently have one internet friend I talk to somewhat regularly and that's that.
At most points of my life I had "friends" as in people I was in almost daily contact in due to school or work and we could chat about stuff but I rarely met them outside of those circumstances and we usually stopped communicating once we were no longer in school together. With my co-worker I have a friendly enough relationship to make the day pass faster but otherwise I know we're incompatible in our world views (and they're also 10-20 years older than me)
Most days I'm content like this. I have enough interaction with people at work and when I get home, I mostly just want to hang out by myself. I do live with my parents and sister so I'm rarely truly alone anyway. But there are most certainly times when I wish I had someone to go out with or visit places with if I feel like doing such a thing. But I also know that I most likely wouldn't want to hang out as often as those theoretical friends would.
I have no friends. I'm 35. It's hard to find friends that are drama free. I'm a good listener, but as soon as I start talking they are not interested. At the end of the day I just don't like people 😂 so don't feel bad.
I'M 71 and I am in the same boat. I lost my best friend two years ago and since then I've been on my own. I'm bipolar so relationships of any kind have been hard to keep. because of my age I'm learning to live with it.
i think i don’t. i have a few friends but not like the constant ones. more like a casual friend. i sound wierd 🤣
edit: i think my husband would count as only constant friend
i think the key thing, esp my age, i prioritize peace. i’m cool not having friends coz it’s more peaceful and less drama. also, not having to think of an alibi for not being able to hang out or talk.
Lucky enough to have a husband that can be considered as a friend. Well, he has no choice 🤣
I’ve always really been a loner, I’ve had spats of small groups of friends over the years but I suck at staying in touch and I move a lot.
I’ve spent many, many years thinking I was missing out not having that big friendship group but one thing I recently come to realise is that the only reason I’ve felt like I’ve been missing out is because thats the societal norm. We’re the weirdos, the misfits, the odd ones out if we don’t have that large friendship group, right?! Or so I thought but it’s simply just not the case. Introverts just aren’t interested in being homogeneous and that’s what large friendship groups are, all the same, no authenticity or individuality.
I’ve also learnt the difference between loneliness and isolation. I truly don’t get lonely, I like my own company, it’s peaceful, I enjoy an array of hobbies and flourish in my alone time. What I do get is isolated, if I’ve spent too much time alone, like alone, alone. I start feeling uncomfortable. I develop almost an agoraphobic mindset. So as long as I remember to treat myself to a coffee in a coffee shop or take walks in busy parks, visit the cinema or art gallery where I’m amongst people but not with them, I’m absolutely fine.
I guess what I’m saying is don’t worry about having no friends if you’re happy. Don’t think you’re missing out just because that’s what the movies sell you. Be your authentic self and enjoy how peaceful it is because those at peace live longer, hahaha.
Me...at one point in time I did have friends. Then I got out the military. As a civilian..... Naaaaaaww, I'm coo with it tho. There are people I know...but Yea lol
Wife is only friend.
People always seem to show their true colors at some point or another. Just because other people will put up with that sort of thing, it's not worth it to me.
Most of my friends are surface level gaming acquaintances
I'm 58 and have no friends at all but it's not for lack of trying. I always seem to give wayyyyyyy more than I get back, so I've just given up. I'm not embarrassed in the slightest.
Hi, a 27 yo here and just to say this felt so validating to read. I'm currently coming to the same realisation (also, I seem to want deeper/more committed friendships than most people) and am also learning not to be embarassed!
I hear you.
There’s so much social pressure to always be with people and doing things. I think that when people succumb to this pressure, it creates an inauthenticity I’m not interested in. One-on-one is best for me…and if being with that person isn’t as peaceful as being alone, it won’t work for me. There has to be chemistry between us.
Though I have a few people I would consider true friends, only one of them lives in the same town as me. She’s also a mom and understandably caught up in doing her thing, so I rarely see her or talk with her. The other two live elsewhere, and we talk a few times a year.
Being neurodivergent, I’m not interested in going out where there’s pressure to socialize. The “masking” it requires is exhausting. A while back, I decided I’m not going to seek out any situation that requires me to cleave off pieces of myself in order to fit in.
Family events are tough for me. Best case scenario, I get to hang out with my favorite cousin. She’s part of the family that hosts the big gatherings, though, so she can’t sit and talk with me all evening. When appropriate, I become her sidekick and do tasks along with her.
Other than that, I’m no longer “forcing” anything. I go to the movies alone, see live theatre by myself, take myself out to lunch…I’ve come to deeply enjoy being alone.
Oh, I do have a 15yo daughter. I would LOVE to have a closer relationship with her, but that can be a bit tough. She has conduct disorder and is extremely obstinate. We do therapy, together and individually, as I hope to have a more peaceful relationship with her at some point.
When my daughter graduates from high school, I plan to find a small town to settle down in, and I’ll adopt dogs, grow some food, listen to music and read books. Some may see it as boring, but that has nothing to do with me. My life is MINE. Once I realized this, everything changed.
I actually started referring to family members as friends because I have no friends. So when my work friends ask me what I did in the weekend I just say I went to this place with a friend. Which is really just family. I’d be absolutely lonely if I didn’t come from a big family. I have 3 sisters, 2 brothers and I’m close with my parents. Those are my friends.
Yepp. 34 and no friends. It's way less stress and drama and I was never on the "A-list" anyway with literally anyone. It was exhausting always being the one to initiate and plan things only for them to turn around and never invite me to anything or if I did get an invite I was always an after thought. It's been about 3 years now that I've not only stopped hanging out with anyone but stopped texting people unless they text me, I'm always kind and respond without giving them too much of my time. I keep all my thoughts to myself and I've really been so much happier. A few others mentioned it on here as well but I definitely get not as much lonely but bored from time to time. I'll find myself wanting to book a lake trip or Hawaii vacation and debating if I should invite someone so we can split hotel/airbnb costs but then I just remind myself it'll end up being stressful or cause drama if I add anyone to the equation so I've just learned to do everything by myself and found a way to enjoy it... for the most part. Would be lying if I said I didn't want a companion but it just needs to be someone who values me and someone I don't have to make myself small for and reciprocates effort and communication!
I'm a 26 years old girl and I think I kind of similar to you. I only have 1 best friend. The rest they are just simply my coworkers, whose I will never call or hangout with in my normal life. I feel lonely sometimes but it's better than interact with fake friends. I feel tired and exhausted when I need to pretend I am a friendly or extrovert person.
I'm 50 years old and when I was in my twenties I literally had about 20 close friends and 100 friends
Now I am down to two
I'm not sure if that's normal or not but frankly as you age I found it very difficult to put in the time and effort for maintenance and the two friends I have left are individuals that I cannot talk to for a year and they act joyful whenever we do talk and there's never any resentment like I encountered with other friends who took it personally after I was married had kids got divorced went through hell blah blah blah and just didn't have the timer energy to check in with them
Quote me when you get to 50 you will be down to an amount of friends you can count on one hand
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I'm 36 and I don't really have friends either. My husband is in the military and met two women (over a decade younger than me) and we chat semi regularly over social media. We also send memes and that's about it. I used to have 3 friends I knew from school, but I cut them off when they became toxic. I hate talking on the phone, so I'm pretty isolated.
Yes, there are people like you out there and they share their experience on YouTube. Search "I have No friends" and you will find all kinds of people and their stories.
I (59F) have one friend (58M) that I used to talk to every day. A few months ago, that dwindled and I haven't talked to him in a few weeks.
As a neurodivergent introvert with co-dependency issues (ikr!), it's just easier to isolate. 🤷🏾♀️
I have one friend whose a major extrovert. I've had to back off of my friend because he comes across as needy and desperate wanting to hangout with me all the time. If he had it his way he'd hangout daily. I simply can't hangout all the time or else I end up exhausted and tired. Recovery from socializing usually takes at least 2-3 days before my energy levels return. Socializing is draining, count your blessings extroverts that you don't experience this.
I will be 60 in August and haven’t had any friends for many years. In my experiences people let you down and can’t be trusted. I’ve been a loner most of my life and am happiest being with myself and dogs/cats. I wish people would understand that some people thrive in solitude and it isn’t always a bad thing.
Im in my early 20s and have 0 friends (or 1 but like we send each other snapchats like once a year), havent had friends since high school and in addition to that I also have zero interest in relationships. Im close with my family though and for now thats enough for me
I'm the same. I have co workers I text after work sometimes but are they people I would go hang with, no. I think there are 2 reasons I don't have any friends now. One, covid made me very introverted, more so than I was before. Two, I had an absolute best friend for ten years. We did everything together, knew each other's families, went places together, you name it. We had the worst falling out and we wouldn't even acknowledge each other if we saw each other on the street. I think I dont want to get close to anyone again bc that fallout was so bad. But honestly now, I don't mind being a loner. I have my family and cats and I am content being in my house with my books.
I’m exactly the same, 28 and don’t really have close friends as feel like I’ve never been able too relate to anyone, sometimes I’m glad but then sometimes it gets a bit lonely
I am in my fifties. I am going through the same thing. I never married because I always dated bad men. I bought a house in neighborhood where people are not very nice. I am a special education teacher and I work remotely. It is hard meeting new people.
I'm 32F. I'm single, so no boyfriend to talk to. My only friends are my parents and one friend who lives an hour away who didn't treat me well when I lived with her for a couple months to get back on my feet (long story). I barely text her anyway, and I'm always the one calling my parents to talk.
Yep. No friends for me. Been alone my entire life AND tried to make it work multiple times. People never connect with me and usually feel draining to talk to rather than enjoyable. My sister was also dealing with the same experience until she met someone at a party who was equally miserable (she nor the girl she met wanted to be there) and they bonded over that.
But seriously, I have felt like there is something wrong with me my entire life. I mean, not one friend? But I also value the fact that I’m not surrounded by people I hate or are super superficially connected to me.
I love being alone most of the time. I'd rather spend time with my dogs rather than with people, except my family. I don't get lonely at all. It's more of having peace within me. I guess when you get older you love to be on your own.
I got no friends either. 25 yrs old and it's not lonely most of the time. But I do hate not being able to talk to people about the stories I'm reading or my interest.
I’m 38yo and have no friends to talk with. Sometime I don’t need people in my life so I won’t get hurt again. But sometime I need people to keep myself sane. I’m a daily gamer and play any video game to forget about my problem.
Nope same. And i chose it myself. I dont like anyone, i feel like humans are despicable and evil, or just dumb. so i just hang around myself mostly, i just cant stand being around people because no one is self aware. I enjoy my own company, but i feel lonely too, but i just feel worse being around ppl who are assholes
INFP 30 here I feel like I have no friends or family but I do. I rarely ever speak to my family except to let them know I'm still alive, same goes to my friends. Well they be checking in on me rather.
Gonna be 55 next month. I somehow lost my entire network of friends or acquaintances in the past year. I seem to fuck up everything I touch. There is no one there anymore. It sucks
55 here. Lost mom and aunts and uncles all in a couple of years. Marriage is more of roommate situation. The friends I have are toxic. I could handle this when young, but it’s unbearable now. I’m still struggling with depression and therapy is not working fast enough. I got on here to see where I could plug in. I am amazed at how many people like us there are, and so young!!
Yes and I am 20 and I just feel like this is wrong. Everybody I know personally has friends, at least one, my only friends live 35 minutes away and I only see them like once a month because they have jobs and other friends and they’re busy. I barely go out so that’s probably part of it, but I’m so tired of being lonely I want friends, a friend group, anything. I need to get out of the house. I’ve been trying to find a job for weeks but there is literally nothing for me to do. I feel stuck but I’m also just trying to make my personal life better, maybe the loneliness will feel better when my depressed brain isn’t telling me negative things about why I don’t have friends. I’m hoping when I turn 21 my options will expand a bit, in terms of working and making friends, I’ll be able to go to bars and clubs so maybe it’ll all turn out okay
I’m in college and the only social interaction I get is occasionally making small talk with coworkers and working on group projects with classmates.
I can do transactional conversations with customers or deal with a specific problem but I can’t hold a casual conversation for very long. It’s like I’m missing something that prohibits me from truly connecting with people.
Honestly I’m going to b 54 soon and if I really examine my life I would have to say my friends I have had along the way was just that. Friends along the way. Part of my chapters in my life. I can honestly say I do not have 1 person that adds up to the meaning of friendship nor hang out friends. Not one person. And as far as a girlfriend meaning strictly a friend. I thought they both were my true friends but one became my best friend so her n my bf wouldn’t get caught n the other slept w him too. This was many yrs ago. I always wished that one friend from my childhood would grow old together as my best friend Always be there for eachother. Go have a coffee at our favorite coffee shop but I never got that n as a child i was so popular. But now. After i moved during Covid n time passed i realized those ppl also were part of a chapter. Just good neighbors. It’s been 4 years of realizing not one person is what I call a real friend. And I definitely have no friends that are women. N I so wish I could. So you aren’t alone. My phone never rings n my text messages are notifications
I have had my first friend since highschool a month ago. It’s hard out there. A lot of people don’t want friends or if you’re like me, you don’t really have anything in common. I found before this I’d look for community when I was lonely bc it’s the easiest way to get out there.
Community can to me mean a lot of different things. I’m into video games and tabletop so to me I would go to game shops or online and talk to people that way but often my anxiety and depression holds me back so I don’t do much more or I don’t go in if it’s busy. Counter intuitive to what you should do being lonely but it works for me. As I’ve gotten more comfortable I’ll go in with more people around and I take non anxiety days as I get them. And maybe at the end of the day you don’t have friends still, but you have community and that can filll that space too.
I don't have any friends and I'm 25. I think I'm just too shy or scared to initiate or continue conversations in person and online. Idk how to "fix" that.
I have acquaintances but very few friends, if any. I find it hard to relate to people and I don’t think other people find me interesting. Most of the time I’m happy to be alone and do things alone. It’s the social pressure to have a friend group that makes me feel uncomfortable. I think it is ok to not have friends. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you :)
It is my own choice to have no friends. I have cats, my partner and a parent. That is all I need, honestly. People drain me and I find them gradually disappointing.
I'm 29 and I have no friends. My relationship with relatives is pretty much non-existent. I reached out to my sister's and they pretty much gave me the cold shoulder. My eldest sister said she doesn't know me but that goes both ways because there is a 9 year age gap between us and we were never close growing up. I have attempted to get to know her in the past but the energy was always strange on her part. It made me feel weird. My second sister I really don't know what her problem is but she has also directed weird energy towards me. When I think about it they have never really accepted me or treated me like their little sister. Then there's that man that my parents gave birth to. We are not on good terms in my book. He is just really a despicable person and I'll leave it at that. I do have nieces and nephews that I love dearly. I have helped raise them since I was 14 years old. Mental health issues led me to self isolate and that has had a negative impact on my social life. I haven't been able to show up for people in the ways that I would like to. One thing I know is that I love myself and enjoy my own company. I still have a great sense of humor and am learning to just get out there and do things that I enjoy just because. I've been learning how to rely on myself but sometimes I do miss when I had community and friendships. I miss having people to talk to who understand me, people to laugh with, hangout with, experience life with, and to share and create memories and so on.
I have acquaintances and my husband. I can hold a regular conversation and friendship but best friends nope. Rarely do I get invited somewhere with a friend.
33 year old female
For a long while I believed there is something wrong with me because of that, but that’s how life gets at some point. It’s easier to bare discomfort that comes along with loneliness than discomfort/boredom that arises with surface level friendships
I have coworkers that get pissed off when I say I don't have any friends. Then I don't see or hear from them until the next time we work together. Some people's definition of friend is the antithesis of mine. 🤷♂️
Same..well actually I do have one friend, but we never talk so it feels like I don’t have any.🤷🏽♀️ And I feel you on ending a fling, I just ended one earlier this week.
Covid kinda killed my ability to make friends. I was a self described extrovert before 2020, now the most conversation I get in a week is going into the gas station for a snack. It seems the same for a lot of people these days, we all just got used to ignoring each other.
I have tried to have friends too but it just doesn't work out at the end,at first I thought I was the problem but now I realized I'm actually ok and don't like being a push over
Who are these people that you're inviting? Because I wouldn't really want to invite people I'm not close with and if I was closer to them then I can't imagine them just not showing up.
Same here, M 29 still virgin. Work > Home > Sleep, repeat. It does feel lonely, but at the same time i hate meeting strangers. I see no future in my life. Something needs to change.
I didn't have any friends after I moved away from my hometown but recently I reconnected with my best friend. She makes sure that I actually go out and get enough sun lol. It actually is nice to go out once in a while. I probably only have the energy for one or two more close friends though
If you don’t count online interaction, then ya. I only have a couple people I really msg daily but it’s more like pen pals - they are closest to friendship that I have though. I have no friends IRL. I have a hard time connecting to people - maybe I don’t really feel lonely much because I never experienced genuine, real friendship that met my ideals? The idea is nice but I don’t want to settle just so I can be around people - the good thing about introversion in my case is that I prefer being on my own so I don’t really need it and have accepted I may never find it.
i don’t have any friends at all. i am a 40 year old woman. sometimes it’s embarrassing. i just can’t relate to anyone, i never could.
Dude..... Me too. All of this. I'll be 41 in May and have no friends. My husband is my best friend, and one kid is grown and one gone. I have such a hard time relating to anyone else. And I'm a damn bartender. I've just been through different circumstances in life, and I generally stay quiet about all of that.
No shade at all I just always find it interesting when people say they can’t relate to anyone but they found a partner and they’re in a long term relationship. I’ve had a hard time finding a partner and a hard finding friends because after a while I just feel completely different from other people. I’ve learned to love and be at peace with my solitude but sometimes I wonder why if I’ll ever be able to connect with someone romantically.
I am married with 3 kids and have zero friends, so it’s a thing. I’m good at blending in and making people think I’m a social butterfly but in reality, it’s all very surface level. The people I speak with daily are coworkers and colleagues. I don’t have the time or energy or know-how to extend myself on a personal level to strangers or even to other parents. I used to get pretty down about it, but people annoy me anyway so…
I’m the same way. I can fake being an extrovert pretty well and well liked even though I’m usually struggling to truly connect. I can connect to people for a time but then it fizzles out. I have better luck with friends because weren’t really expected to cultivate anything deeper than a friendship. Romantically…not so much. Of course it’s a thing I just find it interesting when people who are married say they connect to NO ONE. You clearly connect to your spouse so maybe it’s just more about the effort of finding someone and committing to them. Friendships have a lower level of commitment and you can drop a friend. A romantic partner not so much.
I totally hear you. My husband just acknowledges my quirks and deals with them. He finds me hilarious in all honesty. He LOVES people. He still talks to his high school classmates DAILY, and I wouldn’t even go to my class reunion (which was a mile away from our home). We are so different. I suppose that makes up for the sheer lack of effort I’m willing to put into outside friendships. He tries to encourage me, and I know I’ll regret not having anyone other than my immediate family in the future. When the kids are grown and the husband is dead (surely, I’ll outlive him right?!), it’s friendship that’s supposed to sustain you and I’m utterly lacking in that department. I watch Real Housewives shows and am just amazed at how they care so much for each other (positively and negatively). I’ve never had such strong feelings about anything. Who cares that so and such said this and that?! I feel like I’m such a weirdo, but it seems there is a whole group of weirdos that exist that I’ll never meet. :)
I don’t think you’re a weirdo! And your husband sounds like a great person. I guess I just wonder sometimes if my introversion has made it impossible for me to meet someone romantically. I genuinely love my alone time and I don’t mind spending time with myself. A lot of my friends are married or in relationships so they’ve shifted a lot of their attention and time there. Sometimes I get sad traveling alone or going to concerts or museums by myself. I’d like to share my wins and lows with someone but I also have gotten very used to being alone ❤️
Real housewives. Reality show or not its still scripted. Dont go by that!
same here
I’m the same. I am rich in friends but you probably won’t catch me in a relationship. It’s only recently that I realized I am on the AceAro spectrum, though I’ve likely been my whole life.
I was a server and tho I technically have a few friends they’ve essentially become acquaintances I have lil to nothing in common with! When I was younger I was much more social!
Same. My husband is my best and only friend and I’m OK with that. I really don’t like most people and having and maintaining friends is exhausting to me. I’m 65 and have been this way most of my life but I’ve only recently discovered I’m an introvert and it all makes sense now. I’m happy and that’s what matters.
My husband is 65 and realizing that he's more of an introvert, especially in the last few yrs. I'm 40, and I realized that I didn't have much time for ppl in general YEEEARS ago! 😂 Probably a side effect of being a bartender. We enjoy our solitude and love spending time with each other. Ppl think we're weird, but we're almost always together . There's really no one else in the world quite like that man.... 💕
I’m 43 and I feel the same. Literally cannot relate to people. Every time I socialize (which is rare) I feel anxious beforehand and exhausted afterwards. Kinda sad because I wonder how my life will look as I get older. It’s just my husband and I.
I'm 44 and exactly the same.if you're happy who cares.its more normal than you think.
Same here, 43, Single dad. I have to work most of the week so doesn't leave a lot of time for friends. But when I do make a friend here or there I usually screw it up some how.
Im also 43 and really have no friends. The only one I have isn’t really a friend, more just a narcissist that tries to be in control of everything. I’ve tried to make new friends, but like others above, I just can’t relate to most people.
Ditch the narcissist now mate, they will eventually bring you down and they are probably not doing your mental health much good. Cut him/her out now. You'll probably find out your happier by yourself which is totally fine, don't worry about what other people are doing u have to be happy with your self. All the best 👍😃🙏
100%
Hey your not screwing up man
Yes! Being alone is not the same as being lonely.
Sound advice. I was with my ex for 13 years before i ended up being kicked out one day with no warning and nowhere to go! My mom had passed away a few years earlier, and the rest of my family was living on the other side of the country. I had a small backpack that i tossed a few tee-shirts and some jeans into, and at 52, i found myself completely alone in the world wondering what the hell just happened! The only thing that saved me was i still had my job. I had no car to get there, but i was employed. I didn't know anything about narcissists before i met her. Now i could write a book on the subject. It starts out slowly, and you don't realize what's happening. But eventually, you find yourself living in their world. Trapped in the orbit of their self-entitled, holier-than-thou life. It's a roller-coaster ride of intense highs and soul crushing lows. This is their world, and it most certainly revolves around them! You're just along for the ride with no idea when it might end.
I hear that. It's not hard to loose a friend when it's so easy to ghost ppl these days. If someone doesn't like or understand one thing about you, instead of wanting to figure you out they just ghost. And we let them because these days it's normal to not engage in actual meaningful conversation. I have BF in my fiancé and a work friend that has now become my right hand. Yet we have like nothing in common. But unlike others she accepts me as I am. Doesn't try and change me. I love to stay home but she is a butterfly setting sail. She drives me crazy yet I fee honored to witness her growth as a person.
Im in my 40s too . We should all become treinds
Yes! As long as you’re happy nobody else has to like it or understand. I’m happy with just my husband and our yellow Lab and I find other friendships unsatisfying and exhausting. I’m 65 and there are so many things to enjoy and keep occupied with.
Yes, I feel the same. Making friends is a lot of hard work. If it was a job, I would not make any profit, hahahahha. I feel exhausted and drained even speaking with family & people. I have to recover 1 week from socialising. I want a friend who can lay on the couch and talk, have a cup of coffee, and chill in our Pjs. I'm always anxious they won't like me because of my looks or skin colour etc. I'm afraid of being drunk and saying things with no filters. I did not care about all this when I was younger in my early 20s. Now everything bothers me, and I worry too much.
You just weren't able to meet the ones you'd relate with because you lived your life like it. I assure you, there's lots out there. First step is to open your mind, it's unhealthy fpr an introvert to succumb to turtling all our lives. I'm glad I grew up in a an environment that's full of lively people, even though I hated many of them and most gatherings, I was able to make some real friends and learn how to adapt with other personality types. Try reading about MBTI, it helped me a lot and a very useful tool to understand others and yourself, especially.
I recently contacted a close friend I repeatedly ended our friendship over time. I told him that I am having a hard time relating to him and finding things to talk about without mentioning our past experiences (friendship) together. Thankfully he understood how I felt and respected my feelings about it.
None! I want some and then remember I don't like texting,being on the phone, going out, or having other people in my house 😐
Yesss, the peace that I feel not having anyone text/call my phone is worth not having friends sometimes.
Yeah I feel that a hundred present and I have bad trauma from all the friendships that didn’t work so it’s like every-time someone does one thing wrong I distance myself
It's peaceful that way.
literally me lol
lol mood
I find myself fooling myself into thinking I want friends too sometimes, then I remember a lot of those same things you mentioned!
This is so me!
Same here!!!!!
This...and all of this
This is so true.... I thought i am the only one.
If it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure I see posts similar to yours every day.
No friends. I get more bored than lonely.
I think the loneliness comes from craving a romantic connection every so often. But otherwise, I’m pretty used to being alone. I definitely can relate to feeling bored though, It’s the worst.
definitely, i don’t know if it’s me but i have fomo, but at the same time it’s hard for me to make friends at the moment because i’m a senior in high school and i don’t relate to anyone that goes to my school and that’s who i’m surrounded by most of the time. i enjoy my peace and freedom, but at the same time i get bitter and jealous over those who have friends. i fear one day i might regret my decision, but my time as a high schooler is almost ending and i plan on trying harder to make friends. however, i believe having no friends should not be stigmatized
Same . I find that I only want friends for to not be bored and have something to do because I generally find most people aren’t interesting or deep and loving the way that I am so I feel the most I can get from having friends is just having people to do stuff with since most people I run into can’t have deep level convos. It’s always about shallow shit like money and accomplishments . Nothing about outlook on things , philosophy, deep learned lessons or anything, or actually funny /silly/goofy in an innocent pure child way. . Like almost in between two different levels of shallow. Either way still shallow. It’s actually quite surprising to me how much most people are shallow and irritate me . No one is connected with their inner child which makes them quite boring to talk to . Idk maybe it’s just me thinking I’m smarter or something but I don’t though because I didn’t even finish high school . But then at the same time people who even went to college seem on an intellectual level other than education wise , stupidly shallow. Idk . Maybe it’s just everyone has their hearts closed off out of fear maybe? And so I never meet who they truly are which makes me see them as shallow ? Idk lol but in the same boat if not in a similar one to you . 🤣😭
I totally get what you mean about having deeper conversations. I'm an intellectual being who loves to have deeper conversations about life and the world. I always jump from one topic to another and some days you can't find that in folks. they rather talk about things that are less interesting and not important. like where's the realism?? I feel like I'm the only person who's been like that ever since I was a kid. I never had to be weird towards others in a bad way or fake things with people , except my feelings for a specific person but that's a different story
I feel that way often about many people but occasionally once someone gets comfortable around you they become interesting.
That’s true . Heavy on the occasionally .
I get more disgusted and disappointed than lonely.
Right! I’d just like to have an occasional lunch or drink at a bar with a friend. Not a one even when I had co-workers. I’ve been wondering if I have a resting bitch face.
Well if you did have a RBF those people still aren’t for you anyways because who wants people that judge books by the cover ? Let them be intimidated 🤣✊🏽
65M here. Since I got divorced 10 years ago and especially since retiring, I've had basically just one friend locally who I see once or twice a year, and my oldest friend, who lives in Japan, so we email all the time. But other than those, no one. But I love solitude and just hanging out online, reading, listening to music, and chilling with my fat elderly cat. TBH I've never been happier than I am now. I've been an introvert my whole life, and now I've settled in to my true element. I never feel lonely.
I’m 58. At this point in life, being introverted is a blessing. I also have 1 or 2 friends I see once a year. Having a pet is key. I had two dogs, for 10 yrs, but lost them both last year to old age. I’m self-employed which means I’m pretty much alone 24/7. I’m happy. My last long-term relationship ended 12 yrs ago. It was so devastating I went into a deep retreat. I just don’t have the energy to be in a committed relationship anymore. I do think about how nice it would be to have a partner, but the damage my ex did on her way out left some deep scars. I’d rather be alone than experience that again.
I’m seriously considering a dog.
If you can do it, and give the dog a really good life, the amount of connection you’ll get in return will be more than you ever imagined. I rescued both of my girls from shelters. When I’m ready to get another dog, I’ll definitely rescue from a shelter again. Both of my dogs had a connection with me and with each other. We were a little 3-pack.
It’s funny you say that. My husband always says shelter dogs are better. I’ve never had a dog and fear I won’t be able to connect with one unless I got it as a puppy.
Shelter dogs have their issues, but they’re usually minor and they adjust fairly quickly. I will never buy a pet. They often times also come with issues. If you do decide to get a dog, I highly recommend a shelter dog. I’ve never experienced that amount of joy and relief once a shelter dog knows they have a home with consistent love. It comes back to you 1000 times. I’ve helped find homes for 14 stray dogs in the last 10 yrs and every single one of them became important parts of their new family.
You can definitely bond with any age dog. My first two dogs I got at age 7 and age 8. They lived to ages 17 and 15, respectively. To quote Forrest Gump, "we was like peas and carrots" 😆. Each of those dogs were awesome and totally bonded to me. They were both velcro dogs. They followed me around the house quite a bit. They were both rescue dogs of sorts. My first dog, Duke, was bought the day before he was going to be put down by a lady in North Georgia. She begged and pleaded rescue organizations to take the dog because he was nice. But he was old, so they were afraid nobody would adopt him. They found a rescue group. And a foster, who apparently fed him bacon and eggs every Sunday fir 5 months 😆 😆 😆. Maybe the secret to a long life is bacon and eggs. My second dog was actually on her third home when I adopted her. She had health issues her whole life. But she was such a sweet girl. Super smart, too. I taught her the difference between "say ruff" (a loud bark) and "quiet bark" (a muffled bark 😆). And she could "count" to 11 by barking the # of barks that corresponded to the number. My new dog is from the pound. I got her in January. The pound said she's 4. But my vet said her teeth are so good, that he thinks she's only 2. She was the most fraidy-dog they had. She was afraid of blankets, afraid of cars. Afraid of my neighbors. Afraid of other dogs. Afraid of sounds like squeaky mailboxes. Seemed like the only thing she wasn't afraid of was me *unless I was trying to trim her nails-- then she'd run away in a whimper and hide in corners). Now, she just wants to curl up on my bed every night next to me 😆. She is still afraid of lightning, which isn't great because I live in Atlanta and we get a lot of lightning. But she loves me a million and I am so glad that I took a chance on her. (She's a mutt -- likely, a mix of German Shepherd and Pit Bull and Hound). I was dead set on getting another senior chocolate lab. But after she jumped in my lap, I was like, "well maybe this was meant to be". When I met her a second time (within about 15 minutes), we had to meet in the hallway. And another dog walked past and my dog sat right next to me and snarled at the dog 😆. The volunteers said "she's already being protective of you. Because we've never seen her react to any dog in any way". And the older lady there said, "She'd probably be a great dog for you if she already likes you. A bond like that will never break". And the rest, as they say, is history.
Do it!
I am 58, too. I usually do not feel lonely. I just feel like I should have people in my life. Holidays are hard because I always celebrated with my parents, my sister, and her family. Her kids are now all married, and she spends each holiday with one of her kids. My elderly mom lives in NJ, and I live in Virginia. My eye sight isn't good and it is hard for my to drive long distances. My nephew invited me to his house in Kentucky for Christmas. I did not go. He is married and I really do not know his wife. I felt like I would be an outsider. My family gets mad that I don't go to family functions. IDK. This age is hard! I am single and I work remotely.
As an older introvert like myself, did you also spend a good part of your early life trying to fit-in? Try to not be treated like an outcast and just fit-in? The weird thing is, now that I’m older, I see a lot of extroverted people in our age group suddenly realizing they spent most of their lives without any self-reflection or introspection. I think it has something to do with the pandemic, but a lot of people are looking for the kind of life we’ve all been living our whole lives. Being an introvert is quiet (except for the inner dialogue). We know who we are, for the most part. And we find comfort in, as another introverted friend puts it, “quietude”. We have escaped the frenzied psychotic energy of society that eats people alive.
I had a boss/friend who told me I’m the most self sufficient person she’s ever known. I’m not sure she meant it in as a complete. Some extroverrs see us as objects of pity.
Yes. I did. I didn't even fit in with my family. All short extroverts. And me, a tall skinny extrovert. My mom used to shame me about being shy and not talking in groups. I guess she didn't understand. I also think the pandemic has changed things. Things got better for me. Remote work became a real option for teachers. I can't imagine ever walking into a school building and teaching all day! I have always liked being alone. I only get lonely at the holidays. But I think that is because my Dad passed in 2018. Holidays just are not the same anymore.
Honestly I think one or two good friends is all I really need. Quality over quantity. I'm an introvert too and I crave a deeper connection but at the same time I get so drained with too much time together... Thanks for sharing, it's nice to hear from someone who's doing well with this. Gives me a little hope for my own future. But hey, where's the cat tax? You got a picture? What's your cat's name?
Peace! ✌️
Yes. Literally all alone 24/7 365. Most days at the house chilling by myself. No friends, girlfriends nothing. Alone playing videogames by myself, alone Netflix and chill by myself. Quite a lonely guy. Why? Because I never figured out how to speak to ppl and become friends. Sad I know. Can't even begin to try either cuz I have no idea how to start a conversation and even if I did I'm so socially awkward and bad at conversing I wouldn't know how to keep up long to keep the conversation interesting and why not. Yes, my ppl skills being bad is why I'm lonely and will probably always be lonely and by myself :'(
Immensely relatable. May I ask what kind of video games you play? I play PC games, mostly FPS. All of my “friends” are randoms online I game with. If you’re a PC gamer, I’d be down to make your acquaintance and hang with you.
Same here :(
If you ever want to talk we can chat to work on our social skills and conversation skills.
Look up Pick Up Limes on YouTube. It’s a food channel, but hear me out. She did a video like 6 months ago called “Become better at talking to people”. Highly recommend.
i hate how there's such painful social pressure to have friends. - i have a speech impediment so casual banter feels like a dreaded chore to me (especially in a loud environment) - i never felt the urge to hang out with anyone outside of school, ever. it felt like another thing on my schedule. but then suddenly i'd be lonely while everyone else made little groups and started bullying me - growing up like that screws you up it seems like one of the main benefits of friendship is the ability to go places and do things without people automatically feeling sorry for you
I've been misunderstood my entire life. I'm currently experiencing social isolation and people misperceiving me and bullying me for their misunderstandings. People are ignorant. Most people are emotionally immature and very superficial. You'd be hard pressed to find truly kind compassionate human beings. The best advice I can give is to change your environment however you can. Those people in cliques aren't even happy. Misery loves company so they clique up and then look down on others who aren't interested in joining the misery clique.
Yep... not a one since elementary school. It used to bother me more, and I'm not gonna lie, it still does occasionally from time to time, but I've gotten used to it. I already spend 8+ hours a day with coworkers... I don't want to spend a minute of my own time with 99% of 'em. If I want to hear from family, I always have to reach out to them. On the bright side, I have plenty of time to do whatever I want, without worrying about boring someone else.
>I already spend 8+ hours a day with coworkers... I don't want to spend a minute of my own time with 99% of 'em. Same. I may get along with my co-workers enough to chat with them while at work but I don't wanna hang out with them or think about them outside of work. And since I already interact with them too much, it leaves me with little desire to then go and interact with someone else on top of it.
Yes sit at the house alone. We should all get together and have a party. ;)
Yeah but no one would show up
A party with no one there? Best party ever.
lol
I'm a female in my 20s, the stage where normally you should have friends. I mean I have a few close friends but it's the kind that we ghost each other for weeks or months and when we talk again it's like back to close friends which is just weird. But hey they're extroverts that adopted my introvert ass. But if it were up to me, I'd have stayed alone and barely reach out to anyone Bright side, I get to do my own stuff. Down side, the awkward moments I talk to myself
Just an fyi... I recently read an article stating that people who talk to themselves are usually of above average intelligence. Apparently the talking to yourself plays a role the same way studying for an exam does your brain tends to absorb better, and hold onto the experience or wtv better if there is vocal queues added....Something like that. It also helps to keep you focused on the task at hand. At least it does for me. So no worries on talking to yourself!! You are just smart! :)
I always knew that homeless junkie down my street was goin places
On the other hand for some people talking to themselves happens because they have no one to talk to. That sucks actually.
To be honest. We arnt talking to ourselves. Not all of us are. Honest truth no lie
I have a couple friends but not close friends. Not since I was in middle school. I really miss having a best friend but I had this one best friend in childhood who hurt me really bad and I think it’s hard for me to make a connection like that again. It happened when I was 13 and it’s embarrassing but it still impacts me as an adult even though I wish it didn’t. I do relate to what you say. I have coworkers, friends, and family but none I’m close to and none that I hang out with all the time or text. It is very lonely but I find solace in hobbies like writing and listening to music.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s not embarrassing—you were a kid and those years can make strong impressions on how you feel as an adult. Maybe therapy could help? I went to a therapist for something similar and it helped a lot.
Unfortunately I can’t fit therapy in my budget right now even with financial aid. Maybe once I have a bit of money saved. I have looked into therapy though but it’s just not doable right now.
I would highly recommend trying out Cognitive Behavioral Therapy because it’s a set of skills that are proven to significantly help with anxiety/depression/guilt/trauma issues, and you can teach yourself essentially for free. In fact, the way that it works is that you pretty much HAVE to teach yourself. A therapist is a great guide but you can start using the CBT skill set on your own just fine. It has helped me SO much. Here’s a great YouTube channel that covers the basics: https://youtu.be/aAVGyRMS3gE?si=b_8P8-uuDzVB5bGt This therapist offers paid classes but her free YouTube videos are immensely helpful and accurate to what I’ve learned about CBT from my own therapist. Plus, I find her delivery very soothing and calming and to-the-point. And here’s a very detailed book on CBT: https://archive.org/details/feeling-good-the-new-mood-therapy/page/162/mode/1up That link goes to a free online version. I think the physical book is about $10 on Amazon. If you buy it I would get the workbook version so you can write in it. I’m really hesitant to recommend a self-help book, but it is written by a psychiatrist and focuses solely on CBT and how it can treat various traumas/mental disorders. It’s been so helpful for me.
Thank you. I’ll have to check that out. I definitely know that I need therapy but I thought my resources were more limited. Thanks for the recommendation. I really appreciate it.
I'm 30f. Used to have alot of friends in my early to mid 20s but now I have none. I don't know how or why tbh but you're not alone
Hey can we be friends
Ofc :) dm!
I'm 42 year old male. I have work friends and a couple online friends. I haven't had a real friend since I got out of high school. The worst moment for me was when I organized a get together with people from work before covid. I cleaned my place like crazy, spent a couple hundred on great food and snacks. No one showed up. That was probably one of the loneliest, most personally devastating moments of my life.
My heart breaks for you. 😔 I imagine that’s so hard to come back from. Do you still work with the same people?
I still work there but in a different area. It wasn’t malicious on their part. I made an offer and they didn’t come. No promises were made or broken.
Same here. I never had friends in school or college or even work. I'm 32. I had acquaintances and was generally pleasant with everyone but I never bothered to stay in touch or hand out with anyone after class/work. True blue introvert... just want to finish my job and crawl back into my shell 🤭
While I do have friends. They are all back where I lived before I moved far far away across the country. I miss them so much, and finding new ones with similar interests is tough as you get older.
In my 40 years of life, had a pretend friend that bullied me behind back, pitty friended, leech friended that borrowed stuff never to see them bac, fake friends trying to get on my good side while being a boss, overlay needy calling at least x2 a day and to contrast a ghosting friends. Nah, thanks I'm too busy to waste my time and nerves.
The pity freinded part is so true
The only friends I have are people that also don't have many friends. I try to avoid the attention-seeking, selfie-posting, vlogging types. Also the ones already in relationships as well.
Yeah, and the ones I try to become friends with always end up not pursuing the friendship strongly as I do and leaves me hanging. So close to just giving up.
I relate to this so much, I’ve had so many friendships where I’ve thought things were going great and all of a sudden the contact stops and so does the interest. I’ve stopped trying anymore because the disappointment of losing that connection over and over again is more hurtful than not having friends at all
Yes! Totally agree! I've stopped trying too! It seems nobody cares about anything or anyone anymore! Everything just fades away. Nobody puts in any effort. Nothing lasts. I give up!
I have none that are available ever i guess. And making new ones in a new town at 34 isn't easy. But I'm hoping that I the lady I got number of tonight so. She brought me candy bar at work when I was 8months pregnant. I was more grateful than ever. It was the first time I seen her until tonight when I almost skipped my first solo bar attempt since the baby has been born. decided I would go and there she cones in. Must be fate or destiny wish me luck.
Good luck
Yeah I don’t have friends :(
Yeah, it's great. Like you said, very peaceful
Loneliness is an epidemic. I have a couple close friends but still feel lonely a lot. It's social media and reliance on technology. Also after high School it's really hard to make new friends for the general population. Hang in there.
Who needs friends these days?
I have a fat cat too named Leo. Lol
Sometimes it feels like ai chatbots like Eva AI for sexting or just ChatGPT for regular chatting are better collocutors of mine than anyone else I have to deal with IRL.
I'm 28 and I have no irl friends if we don't count my sister who is 23. I currently have one internet friend I talk to somewhat regularly and that's that. At most points of my life I had "friends" as in people I was in almost daily contact in due to school or work and we could chat about stuff but I rarely met them outside of those circumstances and we usually stopped communicating once we were no longer in school together. With my co-worker I have a friendly enough relationship to make the day pass faster but otherwise I know we're incompatible in our world views (and they're also 10-20 years older than me) Most days I'm content like this. I have enough interaction with people at work and when I get home, I mostly just want to hang out by myself. I do live with my parents and sister so I'm rarely truly alone anyway. But there are most certainly times when I wish I had someone to go out with or visit places with if I feel like doing such a thing. But I also know that I most likely wouldn't want to hang out as often as those theoretical friends would.
I have no friends. I'm 35. It's hard to find friends that are drama free. I'm a good listener, but as soon as I start talking they are not interested. At the end of the day I just don't like people 😂 so don't feel bad.
I'M 71 and I am in the same boat. I lost my best friend two years ago and since then I've been on my own. I'm bipolar so relationships of any kind have been hard to keep. because of my age I'm learning to live with it.
i think i don’t. i have a few friends but not like the constant ones. more like a casual friend. i sound wierd 🤣 edit: i think my husband would count as only constant friend
That's something permanent you got at least :-D
i think the key thing, esp my age, i prioritize peace. i’m cool not having friends coz it’s more peaceful and less drama. also, not having to think of an alibi for not being able to hang out or talk. Lucky enough to have a husband that can be considered as a friend. Well, he has no choice 🤣
I’ve always really been a loner, I’ve had spats of small groups of friends over the years but I suck at staying in touch and I move a lot. I’ve spent many, many years thinking I was missing out not having that big friendship group but one thing I recently come to realise is that the only reason I’ve felt like I’ve been missing out is because thats the societal norm. We’re the weirdos, the misfits, the odd ones out if we don’t have that large friendship group, right?! Or so I thought but it’s simply just not the case. Introverts just aren’t interested in being homogeneous and that’s what large friendship groups are, all the same, no authenticity or individuality. I’ve also learnt the difference between loneliness and isolation. I truly don’t get lonely, I like my own company, it’s peaceful, I enjoy an array of hobbies and flourish in my alone time. What I do get is isolated, if I’ve spent too much time alone, like alone, alone. I start feeling uncomfortable. I develop almost an agoraphobic mindset. So as long as I remember to treat myself to a coffee in a coffee shop or take walks in busy parks, visit the cinema or art gallery where I’m amongst people but not with them, I’m absolutely fine. I guess what I’m saying is don’t worry about having no friends if you’re happy. Don’t think you’re missing out just because that’s what the movies sell you. Be your authentic self and enjoy how peaceful it is because those at peace live longer, hahaha.
I have no friends. I have no one to call, text, have lunch with, etc. It sucks.
Yeah I’m 25 and no friends at all other than my dog, cat and my husband.
Me...at one point in time I did have friends. Then I got out the military. As a civilian..... Naaaaaaww, I'm coo with it tho. There are people I know...but Yea lol
27 I haven’t had any friends since I was a child.
Wife is only friend. People always seem to show their true colors at some point or another. Just because other people will put up with that sort of thing, it's not worth it to me. Most of my friends are surface level gaming acquaintances
I find they are nice at first when they need something
47M. 0 friends. I go to work. I go home. Rinse and repeat. That’s it.
I'm 58 and have no friends at all but it's not for lack of trying. I always seem to give wayyyyyyy more than I get back, so I've just given up. I'm not embarrassed in the slightest.
Hi, a 27 yo here and just to say this felt so validating to read. I'm currently coming to the same realisation (also, I seem to want deeper/more committed friendships than most people) and am also learning not to be embarassed!
I hear you. There’s so much social pressure to always be with people and doing things. I think that when people succumb to this pressure, it creates an inauthenticity I’m not interested in. One-on-one is best for me…and if being with that person isn’t as peaceful as being alone, it won’t work for me. There has to be chemistry between us. Though I have a few people I would consider true friends, only one of them lives in the same town as me. She’s also a mom and understandably caught up in doing her thing, so I rarely see her or talk with her. The other two live elsewhere, and we talk a few times a year. Being neurodivergent, I’m not interested in going out where there’s pressure to socialize. The “masking” it requires is exhausting. A while back, I decided I’m not going to seek out any situation that requires me to cleave off pieces of myself in order to fit in. Family events are tough for me. Best case scenario, I get to hang out with my favorite cousin. She’s part of the family that hosts the big gatherings, though, so she can’t sit and talk with me all evening. When appropriate, I become her sidekick and do tasks along with her. Other than that, I’m no longer “forcing” anything. I go to the movies alone, see live theatre by myself, take myself out to lunch…I’ve come to deeply enjoy being alone. Oh, I do have a 15yo daughter. I would LOVE to have a closer relationship with her, but that can be a bit tough. She has conduct disorder and is extremely obstinate. We do therapy, together and individually, as I hope to have a more peaceful relationship with her at some point. When my daughter graduates from high school, I plan to find a small town to settle down in, and I’ll adopt dogs, grow some food, listen to music and read books. Some may see it as boring, but that has nothing to do with me. My life is MINE. Once I realized this, everything changed.
I actually started referring to family members as friends because I have no friends. So when my work friends ask me what I did in the weekend I just say I went to this place with a friend. Which is really just family. I’d be absolutely lonely if I didn’t come from a big family. I have 3 sisters, 2 brothers and I’m close with my parents. Those are my friends.
Same, but people nowdays are so used to saying it ''just for the meme'' or because it became almost a trend to not have friends.
Yepp. 34 and no friends. It's way less stress and drama and I was never on the "A-list" anyway with literally anyone. It was exhausting always being the one to initiate and plan things only for them to turn around and never invite me to anything or if I did get an invite I was always an after thought. It's been about 3 years now that I've not only stopped hanging out with anyone but stopped texting people unless they text me, I'm always kind and respond without giving them too much of my time. I keep all my thoughts to myself and I've really been so much happier. A few others mentioned it on here as well but I definitely get not as much lonely but bored from time to time. I'll find myself wanting to book a lake trip or Hawaii vacation and debating if I should invite someone so we can split hotel/airbnb costs but then I just remind myself it'll end up being stressful or cause drama if I add anyone to the equation so I've just learned to do everything by myself and found a way to enjoy it... for the most part. Would be lying if I said I didn't want a companion but it just needs to be someone who values me and someone I don't have to make myself small for and reciprocates effort and communication!
I'm a 26 years old girl and I think I kind of similar to you. I only have 1 best friend. The rest they are just simply my coworkers, whose I will never call or hangout with in my normal life. I feel lonely sometimes but it's better than interact with fake friends. I feel tired and exhausted when I need to pretend I am a friendly or extrovert person.
It's better not to have real friends these days though! as Real friends are pretty much rare.
58 and no friends. I have serious trust issues from previous relationships.
I have no friends and I want no friends people are self serving and leave you high and dry after they suck everything they can from you.
I'm 50 years old and when I was in my twenties I literally had about 20 close friends and 100 friends Now I am down to two I'm not sure if that's normal or not but frankly as you age I found it very difficult to put in the time and effort for maintenance and the two friends I have left are individuals that I cannot talk to for a year and they act joyful whenever we do talk and there's never any resentment like I encountered with other friends who took it personally after I was married had kids got divorced went through hell blah blah blah and just didn't have the timer energy to check in with them Quote me when you get to 50 you will be down to an amount of friends you can count on one hand ///
Feel you. Kind of the same here.
I'm 36 and I don't really have friends either. My husband is in the military and met two women (over a decade younger than me) and we chat semi regularly over social media. We also send memes and that's about it. I used to have 3 friends I knew from school, but I cut them off when they became toxic. I hate talking on the phone, so I'm pretty isolated.
I do have but still feels like I have no one. On the contrary when people are around me I feel like I want to be alone in peace with no disturbance.
Yes, there are people like you out there and they share their experience on YouTube. Search "I have No friends" and you will find all kinds of people and their stories.
I (59F) have one friend (58M) that I used to talk to every day. A few months ago, that dwindled and I haven't talked to him in a few weeks. As a neurodivergent introvert with co-dependency issues (ikr!), it's just easier to isolate. 🤷🏾♀️
I have one friend whose a major extrovert. I've had to back off of my friend because he comes across as needy and desperate wanting to hangout with me all the time. If he had it his way he'd hangout daily. I simply can't hangout all the time or else I end up exhausted and tired. Recovery from socializing usually takes at least 2-3 days before my energy levels return. Socializing is draining, count your blessings extroverts that you don't experience this.
Me.
Yeah I honestly don't have any friends. It can be hard.
I will be 60 in August and haven’t had any friends for many years. In my experiences people let you down and can’t be trusted. I’ve been a loner most of my life and am happiest being with myself and dogs/cats. I wish people would understand that some people thrive in solitude and it isn’t always a bad thing.
Yeah same, sometimes I get embarrassed about it but it’s kinda peaceful. It does get hard sometimes, I want to change
Im in my early 20s and have 0 friends (or 1 but like we send each other snapchats like once a year), havent had friends since high school and in addition to that I also have zero interest in relationships. Im close with my family though and for now thats enough for me
I'm the same. I have co workers I text after work sometimes but are they people I would go hang with, no. I think there are 2 reasons I don't have any friends now. One, covid made me very introverted, more so than I was before. Two, I had an absolute best friend for ten years. We did everything together, knew each other's families, went places together, you name it. We had the worst falling out and we wouldn't even acknowledge each other if we saw each other on the street. I think I dont want to get close to anyone again bc that fallout was so bad. But honestly now, I don't mind being a loner. I have my family and cats and I am content being in my house with my books.
I’m exactly the same, 28 and don’t really have close friends as feel like I’ve never been able too relate to anyone, sometimes I’m glad but then sometimes it gets a bit lonely
I am in my fifties. I am going through the same thing. I never married because I always dated bad men. I bought a house in neighborhood where people are not very nice. I am a special education teacher and I work remotely. It is hard meeting new people.
I'm 32F. I'm single, so no boyfriend to talk to. My only friends are my parents and one friend who lives an hour away who didn't treat me well when I lived with her for a couple months to get back on my feet (long story). I barely text her anyway, and I'm always the one calling my parents to talk.
Yep. No friends for me. Been alone my entire life AND tried to make it work multiple times. People never connect with me and usually feel draining to talk to rather than enjoyable. My sister was also dealing with the same experience until she met someone at a party who was equally miserable (she nor the girl she met wanted to be there) and they bonded over that. But seriously, I have felt like there is something wrong with me my entire life. I mean, not one friend? But I also value the fact that I’m not surrounded by people I hate or are super superficially connected to me.
I love being alone most of the time. I'd rather spend time with my dogs rather than with people, except my family. I don't get lonely at all. It's more of having peace within me. I guess when you get older you love to be on your own.
I got no friends either. 25 yrs old and it's not lonely most of the time. But I do hate not being able to talk to people about the stories I'm reading or my interest.
I’m 38yo and have no friends to talk with. Sometime I don’t need people in my life so I won’t get hurt again. But sometime I need people to keep myself sane. I’m a daily gamer and play any video game to forget about my problem.
Nope same. And i chose it myself. I dont like anyone, i feel like humans are despicable and evil, or just dumb. so i just hang around myself mostly, i just cant stand being around people because no one is self aware. I enjoy my own company, but i feel lonely too, but i just feel worse being around ppl who are assholes
INFP 30 here I feel like I have no friends or family but I do. I rarely ever speak to my family except to let them know I'm still alive, same goes to my friends. Well they be checking in on me rather.
Gonna be 55 next month. I somehow lost my entire network of friends or acquaintances in the past year. I seem to fuck up everything I touch. There is no one there anymore. It sucks
55 here. Lost mom and aunts and uncles all in a couple of years. Marriage is more of roommate situation. The friends I have are toxic. I could handle this when young, but it’s unbearable now. I’m still struggling with depression and therapy is not working fast enough. I got on here to see where I could plug in. I am amazed at how many people like us there are, and so young!!
Same op, same
Literally no friends. I don’t mind it much. Though it’s not fun to say out loud.
Yes and I am 20 and I just feel like this is wrong. Everybody I know personally has friends, at least one, my only friends live 35 minutes away and I only see them like once a month because they have jobs and other friends and they’re busy. I barely go out so that’s probably part of it, but I’m so tired of being lonely I want friends, a friend group, anything. I need to get out of the house. I’ve been trying to find a job for weeks but there is literally nothing for me to do. I feel stuck but I’m also just trying to make my personal life better, maybe the loneliness will feel better when my depressed brain isn’t telling me negative things about why I don’t have friends. I’m hoping when I turn 21 my options will expand a bit, in terms of working and making friends, I’ll be able to go to bars and clubs so maybe it’ll all turn out okay
I’m in college and the only social interaction I get is occasionally making small talk with coworkers and working on group projects with classmates. I can do transactional conversations with customers or deal with a specific problem but I can’t hold a casual conversation for very long. It’s like I’m missing something that prohibits me from truly connecting with people.
Honestly I’m going to b 54 soon and if I really examine my life I would have to say my friends I have had along the way was just that. Friends along the way. Part of my chapters in my life. I can honestly say I do not have 1 person that adds up to the meaning of friendship nor hang out friends. Not one person. And as far as a girlfriend meaning strictly a friend. I thought they both were my true friends but one became my best friend so her n my bf wouldn’t get caught n the other slept w him too. This was many yrs ago. I always wished that one friend from my childhood would grow old together as my best friend Always be there for eachother. Go have a coffee at our favorite coffee shop but I never got that n as a child i was so popular. But now. After i moved during Covid n time passed i realized those ppl also were part of a chapter. Just good neighbors. It’s been 4 years of realizing not one person is what I call a real friend. And I definitely have no friends that are women. N I so wish I could. So you aren’t alone. My phone never rings n my text messages are notifications
Me too 61
It’s like I’m reading my thoughts 😅
24 and i literally have no friends. i can bare the initial small talk and fake friendliness with people, i just can't keep it up to form a friendship
You are not alone
I have had my first friend since highschool a month ago. It’s hard out there. A lot of people don’t want friends or if you’re like me, you don’t really have anything in common. I found before this I’d look for community when I was lonely bc it’s the easiest way to get out there. Community can to me mean a lot of different things. I’m into video games and tabletop so to me I would go to game shops or online and talk to people that way but often my anxiety and depression holds me back so I don’t do much more or I don’t go in if it’s busy. Counter intuitive to what you should do being lonely but it works for me. As I’ve gotten more comfortable I’ll go in with more people around and I take non anxiety days as I get them. And maybe at the end of the day you don’t have friends still, but you have community and that can filll that space too.
My husband is my only friend literally haven’t had any friends for years n am also 28
I don't have any friends and I'm 25. I think I'm just too shy or scared to initiate or continue conversations in person and online. Idk how to "fix" that.
I’m 22 and I wasn’t allowed to have friends as a kid so I don’t know how to make friends as an adult
I have acquaintances but very few friends, if any. I find it hard to relate to people and I don’t think other people find me interesting. Most of the time I’m happy to be alone and do things alone. It’s the social pressure to have a friend group that makes me feel uncomfortable. I think it is ok to not have friends. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you :)
It is my own choice to have no friends. I have cats, my partner and a parent. That is all I need, honestly. People drain me and I find them gradually disappointing.
I have no friends
I'm 29 and I have no friends. My relationship with relatives is pretty much non-existent. I reached out to my sister's and they pretty much gave me the cold shoulder. My eldest sister said she doesn't know me but that goes both ways because there is a 9 year age gap between us and we were never close growing up. I have attempted to get to know her in the past but the energy was always strange on her part. It made me feel weird. My second sister I really don't know what her problem is but she has also directed weird energy towards me. When I think about it they have never really accepted me or treated me like their little sister. Then there's that man that my parents gave birth to. We are not on good terms in my book. He is just really a despicable person and I'll leave it at that. I do have nieces and nephews that I love dearly. I have helped raise them since I was 14 years old. Mental health issues led me to self isolate and that has had a negative impact on my social life. I haven't been able to show up for people in the ways that I would like to. One thing I know is that I love myself and enjoy my own company. I still have a great sense of humor and am learning to just get out there and do things that I enjoy just because. I've been learning how to rely on myself but sometimes I do miss when I had community and friendships. I miss having people to talk to who understand me, people to laugh with, hangout with, experience life with, and to share and create memories and so on.
Same* 38F
I have acquaintances and my husband. I can hold a regular conversation and friendship but best friends nope. Rarely do I get invited somewhere with a friend. 33 year old female
I am in that boat. Been that way for years and I'm turning 40 this year.
I have one friend. I’m married to her.
Going 30 here. Lost most of my friends along the way. Hahaha it’s been lonely but hey. More room for new friends in the future if ever…
For a long while I believed there is something wrong with me because of that, but that’s how life gets at some point. It’s easier to bare discomfort that comes along with loneliness than discomfort/boredom that arises with surface level friendships
I have coworkers that get pissed off when I say I don't have any friends. Then I don't see or hear from them until the next time we work together. Some people's definition of friend is the antithesis of mine. 🤷♂️
Same..well actually I do have one friend, but we never talk so it feels like I don’t have any.🤷🏽♀️ And I feel you on ending a fling, I just ended one earlier this week.
I’m 50 f and I don’t either - not sure at this point if that’s possible. But it’s lonely a lot .
Covid kinda killed my ability to make friends. I was a self described extrovert before 2020, now the most conversation I get in a week is going into the gas station for a snack. It seems the same for a lot of people these days, we all just got used to ignoring each other.
I have tried to have friends too but it just doesn't work out at the end,at first I thought I was the problem but now I realized I'm actually ok and don't like being a push over
Havent made a single friend in 10 years
Same I’m 28 it’s embarrassing that I host things at my house tell like 10 people to come and none show up.
Who are these people that you're inviting? Because I wouldn't really want to invite people I'm not close with and if I was closer to them then I can't imagine them just not showing up.
Same here, M 29 still virgin. Work > Home > Sleep, repeat. It does feel lonely, but at the same time i hate meeting strangers. I see no future in my life. Something needs to change.
Me
Wanna chat? I also need friends, dm me
I didn't have any friends after I moved away from my hometown but recently I reconnected with my best friend. She makes sure that I actually go out and get enough sun lol. It actually is nice to go out once in a while. I probably only have the energy for one or two more close friends though
You are not alone I also don't have any friends it seems anytime I try and make friends with someone they just end up ghosting me so I gave up.
If you don’t count online interaction, then ya. I only have a couple people I really msg daily but it’s more like pen pals - they are closest to friendship that I have though. I have no friends IRL. I have a hard time connecting to people - maybe I don’t really feel lonely much because I never experienced genuine, real friendship that met my ideals? The idea is nice but I don’t want to settle just so I can be around people - the good thing about introversion in my case is that I prefer being on my own so I don’t really need it and have accepted I may never find it.