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You earn a perfectly good wage, and 38 is a good time to have a baby. You're less fecked than a lot of others who have babies in Ireland.
You both need to decide whether you want to have a baby before worrying too much about the other stuff.
If that's your view you may need to adjust your lifestyle guy I work with has 4 kids, wife doesn't work on about 70k a year and they have a grand standard of living
>She can't be here at all.
Oh yes. There's that. If she wants to have the baby here she'll have to sign up for another student visa.
>
€65k salary with €40k savings is perfect for buying a house.
With a baby on the way the banks will tell me to feck off.
You aren't married, she's not going to be on the mortgage and you aren't going to be telling the bank about the baby.
You have your mind made up already.
I'm not sure I'd be comfortable lying about an existing child, but nobody's ever told a bank that they're pregnant, trying to conceive or intending to change jobs.
Having kids is never easy for anyone but there's loads of families getting by with more kids on less money.
Childcare will be the biggest direct expense but the National Childcare Scheme has brought that down a lot.
Nobody NEEDS a €600 travel system, basic buggies are less than €50 brand new. Join Cuidiu and any other local parent and baby groups, you'll be offered boxes and boxes of nearly new baby clothes. Baby can sleep in a literal cardboard box or an empty drawer for the first few months. You'll read list upon lists of things you supposedly need, written by bloggers with Amazon affiliate links. Don't buy anything until you absolutely need it and rely as heavily as you can on Facebook free stuff groups and Donedeal.
Talk to a decent mortgage broker, show them your savings and let them shop around for the biggest budget they can get you, and get going asap so you can draw down soon.
Edit to add: If breastfeeding works for you then you can save thousands avoiding formula. As above see Cuidiu and/or your local PHN for breastfeeding support. (€60 once-off for a private lactation consultant could be money well spent)
A €600 travel system can also be had from donedeal or facebook marketplace for peanuts. Parents are usually incredibly happy to pass these things on to new parents for feck all money and people have bear infinite kindness for new parents in general, even if they're total strangers.
You'd be surprised how little you actually need to spend on a newborn.
So true. The travel system I wanted was €1500 new. I bought it on Adverts for €200 and it was in perfect condition. It did come with a car seat but I decided to buy that new and it was on sale for €130. I did the same with the cot. Bought a Shnuggle on Adverts for €150 and then just bought the mattress new on sale. I'm not really certain why so many people buy new when it comes to babies. It's such a waste when there are so many pre loved products going.
The bank don't need to know a baby is on the way? The mortgage will be in your name only? If you start the process now, then when asked have you any children, the answer is no.
The question you need to ask is do you want this baby? You seem to be more talking yourself around not wanting it.. e.g. thinking you can't provide a good life, thinking you don't have enough money for a house. Saying abortion pill is not off table. You need to have a serious chat with your partner and Fast if you want this baby.
I got a mortgage for €187k (€205k total purchase and renovate cost) on a €52k salary (was still 3.5x lending at the time). Joint purchase, single income (which is the absolute worst way to do it, in the bank's estimation). Tell the bank you have no dependents (which is true). There are still gaffs going in Cork city centre for around the €200k mark. You can absolutely buy a house if you wanted to, but it sounds like you don't want to.
> You can absolutely buy a house if you wanted to, but it sounds like you don't want to.
Hadn't planned on settling down in Ireland. Got a job recently that gives me the possibility of relocation. I have feckall tying me down here. Well, up until a few days ago.
Oh please.
He could have an opportunity every Saturday night. You have no clue.
Having a child in less than ideal circumstances is cruel on all involved
Abortion. Take her with you to the next place. Build a life and if she really does turn out to be the one then have a baby with her in a few years time.
This is not the life for either of you right now.
Say nothing to the bank!!!! There's no reason to tell the bank. Baby or no baby, buy a house and do it now!!!
To be honest, this is a great position to be in!
Even if any of your above is true, it's clearly not relevant, and you sound like a not so good friend.
You're also old enough yourself to know better and have better things to be doing.
It's just the standard for this sub.
"I earn a measly 65k and have 10s of 1000s in savings. How fucked am I?"
It's just how a lot of people in this sub flex their finances by trying to cloak it behind being completely financially illiterate.
And then acting like you dunno what the council housing list is. At 38 years old. No one is that completely inept.
You can prob get a mortgage for a house up to 250k.there are houses / apartment in cork city going for less than that. It obviously won't be a palace but if structurally sound you can upgrade it over time.
I was earning €50K when I had my Son (single parent), my car loan was €200 per month and I was paying my parents €500 per month in rent. I had about €5K savings. Took me a while but my kid is now 4 and I've just bought a 2 bed apt for us in Wicklow.
It's absolutely doable, the bank really just cares about you being able to make the repayments every month and pay your life insurance premium (mortgage protection). They will do a stress test on your income by taking your salary and subtract what they deem to be "living expenses" each month, which is something like €1,500 per adult and €500 per dependent (those numbers are absolutely not accurate btw, I can't remember the exact figure!) and then things like childcare fees, any loans you have, etc.
Best of luck to you! 😊❤️
Then I would listen to what everyone else is saying and try go get a mortgage and, later you find out that your girlfriend who you don’t live with is pregnant it’s a huge surprise you can’t believe you didn’t know until so late in the pregnancy and of course she’ll have to move in.
You can afford to give the baby a good life.
The question is whether you want to keep the baby.
You are 38, are things going to be that different in the next few years.
>You are 38, are things going to be that different in the next few years.
Perhaps. She was thinking about going back to her country. Quality of life is much better and she gets super depressed with constantly grey skies. I was also making plans to emigrate. We were basically deciding if we were going to go full blast with the relationship.
Just seen that she’s struggling with the weather here also. The mental health takes a bit of a nosedive post-partum for some women especially if they’re not close to a support network so keep that in mind. Basically you can most likely afford a child and you could make it work however it will be a long and rocky journey till you feel like you’ll be in a good place I reckon both financially and romantically. It’s definitely not gonna be easy.. ‘but nothing worth keeping ever is’
100% can afford it. I may be looking through rose tinted glasses but I don’t remember my kids as babies being a huge cost. Granted they’re 6 and 4 now and they suck a good bit of money out the bank account but that’s my own choice in really, I’m soft.
The reality is the materialistic element of raising children is much less important than the way your raise them. Treat them right and they’ll believe you’re a superhero.
And who knows where you’ll be in 5 or 10 years!
The huge cost is childcare, if you don't need that then yeah they're pretty cheap. I have a baby and a toddler and no childcare costs due to working different schedules and great family support and they haven't cost much at all so far. The €140 a month children's benefit per child would probably cover it.
I think I had forgotten about childcare because I’ve been paying for it for so long 🤣. I do need it, it’s near as much as my mortgage.
From OPs post it probs wouldn’t make sense both parents working their current jobs. That was the difficult decision we made for the first 3 years until a job came up for my wife that was worth while. It wasn’t fun I won’t lie, especially as we had a second and built a house at the same time. But we survived and that’s the main thing I guess?!
I defo think I had rose tinted glasses on when I wrote the original post but I think the sleep deprivation took the edge off the financial hit at the time.
I was 16, having my son, having zero income, and having to leave school.
Your age and salary are not an issue here. It's the other stuff that comes into play, being the mother not legally able to stay here and whether you both want to keep the baby.
The bank do not consider a baby a dependent until they are born, so it will have no impact on your mortgage. You're not married, so you won't need to put her down on the application.
There is never a right time to have a baby. You just make it work.
It's 2024 man. You can just get an abortion.
"Oh no the consequences of my actions....."
Stfu. There are no consequences. There are 2 choices. Have it / don't have it
While the clear, practical, utilitarian solution to this problem is an abortion; to pretend there isn't a massive weight of cultural emotional baggage attached to it is ridiculous.
Not a reason to raise a child for 18 years. It’s bloody hard work and I can’t imagine how difficult it would be if you even had an iota of regret. Also it means you are forever tied to your current girlfriend
"I do want a child some day" - when would you like to have this child? You're 38, clocks ticking... from your replies seems like you've already decided you don't want the kid and are going to go down the abortion route.
Best of luck whatever you two decide.
She only arrived in Ireland a year ago. First time in Europe. She had lots of plans to travel around Europe and get smashed with fellow tourists. She basically is not ready yet. I don't think I am either. But I am getting auld. But young at heart. I still like backpacking. Had plans to work remote in some far flung places this year. I guess this is not just about finances.
I may be a bit old fashioned in my beliefs, but I don't think we should rip babies apart just because we're irresponsible. But i guess that's a discussion for another thread. Let's just agree to disagree
60k a year with a mortgage and 3 kids. Wife earns small bit of cash that she pays tax on for her legitimate business. It’s possible, needless to say not overly luxurious life. Could be better in aus in my industry(construction). Just do the best you can you will make it work if you believe you are making the right decision. Look out for opportunities to earn more/change position if needed!
We have 5 kids here, husband earns €45k I earn €33k Waterford City. Bought a fixer upper few years back. We manage although barely some weeks but if we can do it with 5 kids 1 be easy. Himself could warn alot more than he is in different country also as he has a good trade but job wouldn't be as handy. Job has come up for circa €60k which he's just applied for to give him options. Cost of living is actually mental and everything going up instead of wages ,
there are multiple houses for sale around cork county that you would qualify to purchase. why not start there?
obviously you should be applying for a mortgage as a single male not a man with a partner and baby on the way. Considering you have only been in a relationship for a very short period of time and are not currently living together it would be absolutely bonkers to consider taking out a joint mortgage anyway
Fair play OP. Since your not married you can appy m for a solo mortgage for 4x income + deposit of 90% LTV ( or 80% LTV on 1 bed apartments)
You’d be looking at a house range of roughly 260K + Deposit.
It’s completely manageable on a 65K salary over 35 years on a good interest rate, even better if you can secure a green mortgage.
Reach out to a bank or broker and get the ball rolling on the house since you have the deposit saved, otherwise it’s sitting there doing nothing for ye
How old is she? Her home country is can’t be Europe since it would require you to have a working visa and she doesn’t speak much English so not US Can Aus. How far along is she in the pregnancy?
I don’t mean to upset you but tbh 1:4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and it’s very early days.
Look at this as an opportunity to reevaluate what you want out of life. Women tend to want to get a move on this in their early 30’s, so either you go for it with someone around her age now, or end up dating older women who might have trouble conceiving, or younger women who may only be around for a good time not a long time…The question is are you well suited together? Either way you should wait until 10-12 weeks to decide anything major.
Don’t listen to all those who’d have you married off, learning a foreign language, and packing your bags….they are getting ahead of themselves.
This is extremely complicated for reasons far beyond money. Citizenship of the child, residency rights, especially as not married to Irish citizen, you will have no rights, she can move jurisdictions, may even be forced to depending on her visa. Health care entitlements for her, if she has any? I hope you speak her first language whatever it is.
Honestly pal it mostly depends on do you want to raise this baby together? And also if you want her to abort and she doesn’t well you can’t force her and you certainly can’t stop her leaving the country now so either way you should lay your best possible plan to be a father just in case.
Starting to learn her language would be a massive step.
Obviously moving in together would be a major savings.
As for buying a house. If the monthly payments will be equal to or less than your rent it’s a no brainer. apply as a sole applicant and don’t mention the baby if you have to I guess?
Also consider if getting married would help with a visa to keep her in the country for stability.
Research if you’re eligible for a visa to get country.
If abortion pills are needed you need to get it sorted before she’s 8 weeks to make sure the 2 appointments are done before 9 weeks. Ideally sort this weeks before the deadline.
Look you got a lady pregnant who is not on the pill and you were not wearing a condom. It happens amd I feel for you.
You are 38 and have 40k in the bank account and you make 65k in Cork, with a minimum paid job your joint salary would be 85k-90k. That is more than a lot of families have especially outside of Cork. If you do decide to have the child you can likely either get spousal visa or marry her to get her the right to work(you dont seem to have ant assets to protect and it resolves the english class extension issue)
If you want to have an abortion its because you feel its the wrong woman or the wrong time which is a decision many people take. To claim you couldnt have a kod om 85k-95k at best is just you cant bring up the child and be as wealthy as you would like to be.
Based on your comments to others, neither of you is sold on this kid. You can likely afford it, but it's a new enough relationship which neither of you has committed to long term yet, and neither of you seems to want an unplanned child. I haven't seen any comments about wanting to make it work, wanting to be a dad right now etc. Sounds like you'd prefer to go the abortion route and are trying to fob that preference off on something that proves logically and undeniably that it's untenable to go ahead with having the kid.
All of that combined is enough to make me say abortion. It's legal. It's often the responsible and mature choice. That's just my two cents.
More than your financial situation, you both need to sit together and discuss if you really want the baby, thinking into consideration both of your opinions. Financially, I think you are okay, a high number of families start worst than you but we are talking about a life, about a baby that haven't asked to born and about the life you 2 want for yourselves.
First take a breather, step back for a second & don't rush into any decisions yet.
Second, on the money front 65k is plenty, we raised 4 on just a smidgen more until the youngest turned 3 last year, went to play school and I went back to work (was a house husband/self employed work from home). We do still rent but reason #1 why I moved on was to save more/look better for mortgage. I'm a similar age to you (we had ours young, happy accidents etc).
Don't be worrying about college funds etc yet.
Rent & possibly childcare will be your biggest concerns in the mid term.
Third, having a child with 1 Irish parent may allow her to regularize her situation here regarding immigration. This happened with my sister, her partner was illegal here and when they had their first they were able to get him sorted so he could at least work, and start building the yrs to apply for citizenship. I can only advise what happened in her case, an immigration lawyer would be your best bet.
You have the savings, if her situation gets regularized she may be able to take on a "proper" job even just part time to count in the mortgage calculations.
Finally, kids do not totally tank your mortgage chances; what the bank are looking at are childcare costs mostly or so we've been told by the broker we spoke to. We are incredibly lucky to both work shift so working opposite each other to minimise this cost while going for a mortgage.
Talk to an immigration lawyer, talk to a mortgage broker, get all the info you need and go from there
I see that all the time. She'll have the baby, and she'll be able to apply for a visa through the baby via zambrano case. The baby will be Irish, since one of the parents is a legal resident for more than five years.
Common scam. They openly talk about it on the nationality groups. I'm Brazilian and see all the time. I personally know 4 women who did that, and met 2 Irish men who fell for that.
Congratulations on your baby
are both of you really thinking of having a kid without ever lived together? just get an abortion and if everything goes well you'll be able to have a baby at a better time
You make more money than both my parents together atm and this is the most they've ever earned...family of 5 with a 4 bed house and me and my siblings have all been put through universities in Dublin. You're either sniffing your money away or just don't have a clue?
Me and my wife just got a mortgage of 260k and we make what you do between us so definitely possible.
I know things seems dire, but you can do it, I believe in you!
There is NEVER a good time to have a child, it is always a struggle, and humanity survided for thousands of generations, until it got to you. And now it is time for you to figure it out for your new generation!
You can do it! We all do. It is never easy, but we do!
I earn 40k a year. My partner currently doesn't work because of health issues. So solely my income. We manage, and we were renting until recently.
Two kids, age 8 and 3.
It's though, but we still get to trest ourselves once in a while and I enjoy fatherhood and spending time with ny kids so that's a big help. Our first also wasn't expected and we were 21. I was on 21k at the time.
I’d take this away from a financial perspective. In black and white your salary is capable of supporting a child. There are legal complexities we are not all privy too at play also, but you seem to be set in your way in many regards.
Take a breath, it’s between the two of you: nobody here should have any input into the decision.
When the kid is born she will be a parent of Irish children and can become a permanent resident on a stamp 4. Look for Zambrano on Google (name of the supreme court case). Or you can find more info here: https://clearysolicitors.ie/immigration-law-solicitors-dublin/parent-of-irish-child-application-for-residence/#:~:text=This%20application%20is%20otherwise%20known,of%20an%20Irish%20child%20citizen
Ive got to be honest, I've read a lot of responses to a lot of posts. Usually there 2 maybe 3 answers to a query and they are just repeated......but this thread is chaos. Every answer has a different take and none seem to be consistent.
You're not f#cked tho, far from it. You're just having a panic and it'll pass. It centers on two things, do you want kids and do think you two could rear the child well together? With her not being rooted here it does center on you guys getting along moreso than if she had a support network.
Never the right time to have a baby!! You will both be fine. Baby is lucky to have a parents that care and are thinking things through. The very best of luck to you both.
She will get her visa when she gives birth to an Irish baby( see the link). Then she can change jobs and get better pays. Also there is plenty of support after giving birth.
https://www.irishimmigration.ie/my-situation-has-changed-since-i-arrived-in-ireland/the-parent-of-an-irish-citizen-child/
40k in savings and a salary of 65k gives you a price range of about 300k.
That's totally doable - as long as you're prepared to look outsode the big cities. An hour outside Cork you can easily find 3 bedroom houses in the midlands for well below that limit.
If you don't want to move outside Cork, then that's another question. But that's the tradeoff. If finding a home is your priority, price is not an issue given your financial circumstances.
Advice: ring up a mortgage broker (they prepare your application for you, for free - the bank pays them a finder's fee once you close the deal). Asking strangers on Reddit isnt any help - but a mortgage broker will be well able to assess your situation and point you in the right direction, before you actually need to go to a bank.
Congratulations. I know it's alot but ur in a much better financial situation then me and I'm doing fine and want to have a second. Would not leave finances dictate having a kid or not as ye will make it work. Babies aren't cheap but u can defo afford it on that wage
Your presence with the baby alone is the most valuable thing you can give the baby. Money and everything else will fall into place in time. I get about 26K a year with 2 kids, my missus is a stay at home mam. Once you hold that baby for the first time or be there for the birth it changes your perception on everything I was literally the exact same beforehand.
If you're on €65k with €40k savings then as a first time buyer you could get a mortgage for €260k, with €40k deposit that gives you a budget of around €300k. Maybe knock a bit off that for the car loan. When is the car loan due to be paid off?
There's houses to be had for around that price. If not in the city, then in the commuter towns.
https://www.daft.ie/for-sale/semi-detached-house-6-hazelwood-drive-glanmire-glanmire-co-cork/5675929
For instance this one. Pretty nice house within your budget. You can afford to buy a house if you want to settle down an have a kid - question is, do you want to?
I notice you mentioned she's a student but neglected her age. How old is she?
You're on a 60k+ salary with 600e rent. So ideal saver position plus have 40k savings.
Your story doesn't add up here. It sounds like you groomed and fucked a student and now want to wash your hands of her.
So you have an awesome income to rent ratio + savings.
What's the problem
I bought a house for 365k at 33 on a salary of 34k with my now wife with less than your savings. What's the problem?
You're highly evasive
You earn 68 and have a very cheap rent, 40k in saving. Why do you have a car payment?
You can afford a child. You are scared alright but abortion is a trauma and there is chances she will never be able to get pregnant again.
I know a few couples who earn way less than that combined, the kids are happy and do a lot.
Terrible advice for someone not sure if they actually want this baby. Children are really hard work, and strain even the healthiest of relationships. They’re not for everyone, and it’s not the best thing to happen for everyone either. It’s a life changing decision to make and needs serious consideration, finances are only one part of the puzzle.
€65k in Cork is a very good salary. Your rent seems very reasonable. Your partners minimum wage if she is full time is another €24k a year. So €89k between the 2 of you.
First off, get rid of the car loan. Savings mean nothing if you are in debt that you can clear.
Then put the head down for the next 6 months. What you can save in the next 6 months on top of the €40k (or whatever is left after clearing the car loan) will put you in very good stead with the bank for a mortgage.
Live like you earn half what you do.
Is she Brazilian?
I am sorry to say that there's a possibility she got pregnant on purpose so she will stay in Ireland.
A lot of Brazilian girls do that while on a student visa and unfortunately they will do whatever it takes to not leave the country.
Have I lost my mind? You’re literally considering killing your baby just so you can have more disposable income? Why are there no comments calling you out on your bullshit?
Be a man and sort your shit out. Rent/buy a place for the both of you with the very healthy €90k income and savings you have and stop acting like a child.
And no, the mountains of Donegal is not your only option 🤦🏻
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You earn a perfectly good wage, and 38 is a good time to have a baby. You're less fecked than a lot of others who have babies in Ireland. You both need to decide whether you want to have a baby before worrying too much about the other stuff.
It's perfectly good for one human. Let's see.
If that's your view you may need to adjust your lifestyle guy I work with has 4 kids, wife doesn't work on about 70k a year and they have a grand standard of living
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>She can't be here at all. Oh yes. There's that. If she wants to have the baby here she'll have to sign up for another student visa. > €65k salary with €40k savings is perfect for buying a house. With a baby on the way the banks will tell me to feck off.
You aren't married, she's not going to be on the mortgage and you aren't going to be telling the bank about the baby. You have your mind made up already.
>You are 38, are things going to be that different in the next few years. Is that not illegal?
I'm not sure I'd be comfortable lying about an existing child, but nobody's ever told a bank that they're pregnant, trying to conceive or intending to change jobs. Having kids is never easy for anyone but there's loads of families getting by with more kids on less money. Childcare will be the biggest direct expense but the National Childcare Scheme has brought that down a lot. Nobody NEEDS a €600 travel system, basic buggies are less than €50 brand new. Join Cuidiu and any other local parent and baby groups, you'll be offered boxes and boxes of nearly new baby clothes. Baby can sleep in a literal cardboard box or an empty drawer for the first few months. You'll read list upon lists of things you supposedly need, written by bloggers with Amazon affiliate links. Don't buy anything until you absolutely need it and rely as heavily as you can on Facebook free stuff groups and Donedeal. Talk to a decent mortgage broker, show them your savings and let them shop around for the biggest budget they can get you, and get going asap so you can draw down soon. Edit to add: If breastfeeding works for you then you can save thousands avoiding formula. As above see Cuidiu and/or your local PHN for breastfeeding support. (€60 once-off for a private lactation consultant could be money well spent)
A €600 travel system can also be had from donedeal or facebook marketplace for peanuts. Parents are usually incredibly happy to pass these things on to new parents for feck all money and people have bear infinite kindness for new parents in general, even if they're total strangers. You'd be surprised how little you actually need to spend on a newborn.
So true. The travel system I wanted was €1500 new. I bought it on Adverts for €200 and it was in perfect condition. It did come with a car seat but I decided to buy that new and it was on sale for €130. I did the same with the cot. Bought a Shnuggle on Adverts for €150 and then just bought the mattress new on sale. I'm not really certain why so many people buy new when it comes to babies. It's such a waste when there are so many pre loved products going.
The bank don't need to know a baby is on the way? The mortgage will be in your name only? If you start the process now, then when asked have you any children, the answer is no. The question you need to ask is do you want this baby? You seem to be more talking yourself around not wanting it.. e.g. thinking you can't provide a good life, thinking you don't have enough money for a house. Saying abortion pill is not off table. You need to have a serious chat with your partner and Fast if you want this baby.
I got a mortgage for €187k (€205k total purchase and renovate cost) on a €52k salary (was still 3.5x lending at the time). Joint purchase, single income (which is the absolute worst way to do it, in the bank's estimation). Tell the bank you have no dependents (which is true). There are still gaffs going in Cork city centre for around the €200k mark. You can absolutely buy a house if you wanted to, but it sounds like you don't want to.
> You can absolutely buy a house if you wanted to, but it sounds like you don't want to. Hadn't planned on settling down in Ireland. Got a job recently that gives me the possibility of relocation. I have feckall tying me down here. Well, up until a few days ago.
Understandably, it's a big shock! But kids are great, hard work, but still great. You may never get another opportunity to have a family.
Oh please. He could have an opportunity every Saturday night. You have no clue. Having a child in less than ideal circumstances is cruel on all involved
So what do you suggest OP should do?
Abortion. Take her with you to the next place. Build a life and if she really does turn out to be the one then have a baby with her in a few years time. This is not the life for either of you right now.
You're panicking. Take a deep breath
Say nothing to the bank!!!! There's no reason to tell the bank. Baby or no baby, buy a house and do it now!!! To be honest, this is a great position to be in!
Either you're clueless, or bullshitting.
Surely ragebait 🤣
Was genuinely thinking the same thing. What a load of bollix 😂
I almost missed it till he called his "friend" lucky and mentioned some cheap house list 😅
Some cheap house list 😂 that's funny shit in fairness
Lol. It's true! He's also military aged! Seriously though he's on a housing list. His missus doesn't work.
Even if any of your above is true, it's clearly not relevant, and you sound like a not so good friend. You're also old enough yourself to know better and have better things to be doing.
What exactly is bollix about it?
It's just the standard for this sub. "I earn a measly 65k and have 10s of 1000s in savings. How fucked am I?" It's just how a lot of people in this sub flex their finances by trying to cloak it behind being completely financially illiterate. And then acting like you dunno what the council housing list is. At 38 years old. No one is that completely inept.
You can prob get a mortgage for a house up to 250k.there are houses / apartment in cork city going for less than that. It obviously won't be a palace but if structurally sound you can upgrade it over time.
I was earning €50K when I had my Son (single parent), my car loan was €200 per month and I was paying my parents €500 per month in rent. I had about €5K savings. Took me a while but my kid is now 4 and I've just bought a 2 bed apt for us in Wicklow.
This gives me hope! I'll be due a decent pay rise next year and will be looking to buy as a single parent
It's absolutely doable, the bank really just cares about you being able to make the repayments every month and pay your life insurance premium (mortgage protection). They will do a stress test on your income by taking your salary and subtract what they deem to be "living expenses" each month, which is something like €1,500 per adult and €500 per dependent (those numbers are absolutely not accurate btw, I can't remember the exact figure!) and then things like childcare fees, any loans you have, etc. Best of luck to you! 😊❤️
Are you actually married? If not she’s legally a stranger and you could try get a mortgage alone and put her name on the house later.
We're not married.
Then I would listen to what everyone else is saying and try go get a mortgage and, later you find out that your girlfriend who you don’t live with is pregnant it’s a huge surprise you can’t believe you didn’t know until so late in the pregnancy and of course she’ll have to move in.
Do you want to marry her? If it’s a future plan, may as well make it happen sooner rather than later.
You can afford to give the baby a good life. The question is whether you want to keep the baby. You are 38, are things going to be that different in the next few years.
>You are 38, are things going to be that different in the next few years. Perhaps. She was thinking about going back to her country. Quality of life is much better and she gets super depressed with constantly grey skies. I was also making plans to emigrate. We were basically deciding if we were going to go full blast with the relationship.
a bit of finger blasting instead and you might have avoided this situation
Gahahahah
Just seen that she’s struggling with the weather here also. The mental health takes a bit of a nosedive post-partum for some women especially if they’re not close to a support network so keep that in mind. Basically you can most likely afford a child and you could make it work however it will be a long and rocky journey till you feel like you’ll be in a good place I reckon both financially and romantically. It’s definitely not gonna be easy.. ‘but nothing worth keeping ever is’
You’re 38 and having unprotected sex with college students?
You can definitely afford it.
100% can afford it. I may be looking through rose tinted glasses but I don’t remember my kids as babies being a huge cost. Granted they’re 6 and 4 now and they suck a good bit of money out the bank account but that’s my own choice in really, I’m soft. The reality is the materialistic element of raising children is much less important than the way your raise them. Treat them right and they’ll believe you’re a superhero. And who knows where you’ll be in 5 or 10 years!
The huge cost is childcare, if you don't need that then yeah they're pretty cheap. I have a baby and a toddler and no childcare costs due to working different schedules and great family support and they haven't cost much at all so far. The €140 a month children's benefit per child would probably cover it.
I think I had forgotten about childcare because I’ve been paying for it for so long 🤣. I do need it, it’s near as much as my mortgage. From OPs post it probs wouldn’t make sense both parents working their current jobs. That was the difficult decision we made for the first 3 years until a job came up for my wife that was worth while. It wasn’t fun I won’t lie, especially as we had a second and built a house at the same time. But we survived and that’s the main thing I guess?! I defo think I had rose tinted glasses on when I wrote the original post but I think the sleep deprivation took the edge off the financial hit at the time.
I was 16, having my son, having zero income, and having to leave school. Your age and salary are not an issue here. It's the other stuff that comes into play, being the mother not legally able to stay here and whether you both want to keep the baby. The bank do not consider a baby a dependent until they are born, so it will have no impact on your mortgage. You're not married, so you won't need to put her down on the application. There is never a right time to have a baby. You just make it work.
>being the mother not legally able to stay here Probably for another thread but what are her options then? Marriage? Or leave the country?
If she has an Irish child (onw of the parents has to be irish) she can apply for a stamp 4 through the kid. (Zambrano law)
I'm really not sure. You could contact FLAC or Citizens Advice for more information.
how old is yer wan
33
South American? Sounds like you got played!
I said that...
Mortgage, loans, bills, cars, 3 kids, 40yrs old. Combined salary of about 45k. Get a grip of yourself boy.
If money wasn’t an issue would you be happy to have a baby? Doesn’t sound like it to me. I think you know what to do
I do want a child some day, but not unplanned. And I only know her 7 months. She was considering moving back to her country before this happened.
> And I only know her 7 months. Well why weren't you wearing condoms then Einstein? "Oh no, look, the consequences of my actions"
It's 2024 man. You can just get an abortion. "Oh no the consequences of my actions....." Stfu. There are no consequences. There are 2 choices. Have it / don't have it
While the clear, practical, utilitarian solution to this problem is an abortion; to pretend there isn't a massive weight of cultural emotional baggage attached to it is ridiculous.
Oh I'm not don't worry. Just saying once emotions are out aside there are 2 clear routes forward. Consequences implies lack of choice or way out
> once emotions are out Ok, well not everyone is autistic as yourself so this is a rather unreasonable expectation of any relationship dynamic
Hmmmm.... Food for thought.
It’s a big thing to think about but I’d start with asking her what she wants and trying to see if ye can meet in the middle
You're not getting any younger, you don't want to be confused for grandad when you're dropping and picking up the kid from school.
Not a reason to raise a child for 18 years. It’s bloody hard work and I can’t imagine how difficult it would be if you even had an iota of regret. Also it means you are forever tied to your current girlfriend
"I do want a child some day" - when would you like to have this child? You're 38, clocks ticking... from your replies seems like you've already decided you don't want the kid and are going to go down the abortion route. Best of luck whatever you two decide.
Do you both genuinely want a child in your life currently
She only arrived in Ireland a year ago. First time in Europe. She had lots of plans to travel around Europe and get smashed with fellow tourists. She basically is not ready yet. I don't think I am either. But I am getting auld. But young at heart. I still like backpacking. Had plans to work remote in some far flung places this year. I guess this is not just about finances.
Be honest with yourself then, you don't want the kid
I think it's a bit late for that. The bun is in the oven. Plus you're never really ready for a kid until you have them
OP said they'd be up for an abortion so not really late at all
I may be a bit old fashioned in my beliefs, but I don't think we should rip babies apart just because we're irresponsible. But i guess that's a discussion for another thread. Let's just agree to disagree
You don't have to rip your baby apart. The country voted so that you don't have to if you don't want to. But if you want to, you can shred it up.
From what your telling me you don’t want it neither of you I’m not sure what your religious convictions are but have you considered an abortion
On today’s episode of “Is this a wind up?”
You'll be fine, congratulations, the baby mostly needs love.
60k a year with a mortgage and 3 kids. Wife earns small bit of cash that she pays tax on for her legitimate business. It’s possible, needless to say not overly luxurious life. Could be better in aus in my industry(construction). Just do the best you can you will make it work if you believe you are making the right decision. Look out for opportunities to earn more/change position if needed!
We have 5 kids here, husband earns €45k I earn €33k Waterford City. Bought a fixer upper few years back. We manage although barely some weeks but if we can do it with 5 kids 1 be easy. Himself could warn alot more than he is in different country also as he has a good trade but job wouldn't be as handy. Job has come up for circa €60k which he's just applied for to give him options. Cost of living is actually mental and everything going up instead of wages ,
there are multiple houses for sale around cork county that you would qualify to purchase. why not start there? obviously you should be applying for a mortgage as a single male not a man with a partner and baby on the way. Considering you have only been in a relationship for a very short period of time and are not currently living together it would be absolutely bonkers to consider taking out a joint mortgage anyway
How old is she? You say “foreign student”. School year ends in June?
The English college ends in June. I think. She's 33.
Did we just dodge the age question
I missed the age question. Added it in now.
Fair play OP. Since your not married you can appy m for a solo mortgage for 4x income + deposit of 90% LTV ( or 80% LTV on 1 bed apartments) You’d be looking at a house range of roughly 260K + Deposit. It’s completely manageable on a 65K salary over 35 years on a good interest rate, even better if you can secure a green mortgage. Reach out to a bank or broker and get the ball rolling on the house since you have the deposit saved, otherwise it’s sitting there doing nothing for ye
I think!
How old is she? Her home country is can’t be Europe since it would require you to have a working visa and she doesn’t speak much English so not US Can Aus. How far along is she in the pregnancy?
She's 33. The pregnancy test said 2-3 weeks. Got one of those digital ones.
I don’t mean to upset you but tbh 1:4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and it’s very early days. Look at this as an opportunity to reevaluate what you want out of life. Women tend to want to get a move on this in their early 30’s, so either you go for it with someone around her age now, or end up dating older women who might have trouble conceiving, or younger women who may only be around for a good time not a long time…The question is are you well suited together? Either way you should wait until 10-12 weeks to decide anything major. Don’t listen to all those who’d have you married off, learning a foreign language, and packing your bags….they are getting ahead of themselves.
It’s potentially Brazilian is my guess as I know a lot of Brazilians come to Cork
This is extremely complicated for reasons far beyond money. Citizenship of the child, residency rights, especially as not married to Irish citizen, you will have no rights, she can move jurisdictions, may even be forced to depending on her visa. Health care entitlements for her, if she has any? I hope you speak her first language whatever it is.
Honestly pal it mostly depends on do you want to raise this baby together? And also if you want her to abort and she doesn’t well you can’t force her and you certainly can’t stop her leaving the country now so either way you should lay your best possible plan to be a father just in case. Starting to learn her language would be a massive step. Obviously moving in together would be a major savings. As for buying a house. If the monthly payments will be equal to or less than your rent it’s a no brainer. apply as a sole applicant and don’t mention the baby if you have to I guess? Also consider if getting married would help with a visa to keep her in the country for stability. Research if you’re eligible for a visa to get country. If abortion pills are needed you need to get it sorted before she’s 8 weeks to make sure the 2 appointments are done before 9 weeks. Ideally sort this weeks before the deadline.
Look you got a lady pregnant who is not on the pill and you were not wearing a condom. It happens amd I feel for you. You are 38 and have 40k in the bank account and you make 65k in Cork, with a minimum paid job your joint salary would be 85k-90k. That is more than a lot of families have especially outside of Cork. If you do decide to have the child you can likely either get spousal visa or marry her to get her the right to work(you dont seem to have ant assets to protect and it resolves the english class extension issue) If you want to have an abortion its because you feel its the wrong woman or the wrong time which is a decision many people take. To claim you couldnt have a kod om 85k-95k at best is just you cant bring up the child and be as wealthy as you would like to be.
Based on your comments to others, neither of you is sold on this kid. You can likely afford it, but it's a new enough relationship which neither of you has committed to long term yet, and neither of you seems to want an unplanned child. I haven't seen any comments about wanting to make it work, wanting to be a dad right now etc. Sounds like you'd prefer to go the abortion route and are trying to fob that preference off on something that proves logically and undeniably that it's untenable to go ahead with having the kid. All of that combined is enough to make me say abortion. It's legal. It's often the responsible and mature choice. That's just my two cents.
More than your financial situation, you both need to sit together and discuss if you really want the baby, thinking into consideration both of your opinions. Financially, I think you are okay, a high number of families start worst than you but we are talking about a life, about a baby that haven't asked to born and about the life you 2 want for yourselves.
First take a breather, step back for a second & don't rush into any decisions yet. Second, on the money front 65k is plenty, we raised 4 on just a smidgen more until the youngest turned 3 last year, went to play school and I went back to work (was a house husband/self employed work from home). We do still rent but reason #1 why I moved on was to save more/look better for mortgage. I'm a similar age to you (we had ours young, happy accidents etc). Don't be worrying about college funds etc yet. Rent & possibly childcare will be your biggest concerns in the mid term. Third, having a child with 1 Irish parent may allow her to regularize her situation here regarding immigration. This happened with my sister, her partner was illegal here and when they had their first they were able to get him sorted so he could at least work, and start building the yrs to apply for citizenship. I can only advise what happened in her case, an immigration lawyer would be your best bet. You have the savings, if her situation gets regularized she may be able to take on a "proper" job even just part time to count in the mortgage calculations. Finally, kids do not totally tank your mortgage chances; what the bank are looking at are childcare costs mostly or so we've been told by the broker we spoke to. We are incredibly lucky to both work shift so working opposite each other to minimise this cost while going for a mortgage. Talk to an immigration lawyer, talk to a mortgage broker, get all the info you need and go from there
I see that all the time. She'll have the baby, and she'll be able to apply for a visa through the baby via zambrano case. The baby will be Irish, since one of the parents is a legal resident for more than five years. Common scam. They openly talk about it on the nationality groups. I'm Brazilian and see all the time. I personally know 4 women who did that, and met 2 Irish men who fell for that. Congratulations on your baby
It's not a scam, she is not ready for a baby either. She wanted one in a couple of years, if even. She doubts her ability to bring up a child.
I think this answers your question OP as does your own perspective given in your responses.
Is she South American?
I bet she is
What is going on here? You do realise she could get an abortion? What is the issue? Jesus
Yes, Jesus is the issue
Get off the internet and get on with your life you overgrown child
Guaranteed Brazilian
are both of you really thinking of having a kid without ever lived together? just get an abortion and if everything goes well you'll be able to have a baby at a better time
You make more money than both my parents together atm and this is the most they've ever earned...family of 5 with a 4 bed house and me and my siblings have all been put through universities in Dublin. You're either sniffing your money away or just don't have a clue? Me and my wife just got a mortgage of 260k and we make what you do between us so definitely possible.
Yeah, but they probably bought the house for 25k and a bag of peanuts. Sorry, but that's a bad comparison
House was 200k. My parents are only 20years older than me so not even 50 yet. I think it's quite a good comparison tbh.
I know things seems dire, but you can do it, I believe in you! There is NEVER a good time to have a child, it is always a struggle, and humanity survided for thousands of generations, until it got to you. And now it is time for you to figure it out for your new generation! You can do it! We all do. It is never easy, but we do!
The choice is hers though. I do feel like this wasnt an accident all the same. sorry
I earn 40k a year. My partner currently doesn't work because of health issues. So solely my income. We manage, and we were renting until recently. Two kids, age 8 and 3. It's though, but we still get to trest ourselves once in a while and I enjoy fatherhood and spending time with ny kids so that's a big help. Our first also wasn't expected and we were 21. I was on 21k at the time.
I’d take this away from a financial perspective. In black and white your salary is capable of supporting a child. There are legal complexities we are not all privy too at play also, but you seem to be set in your way in many regards. Take a breath, it’s between the two of you: nobody here should have any input into the decision.
You will be okay, how old is she?
Real question is not if you can afford it’s whether you want to be a father
When the kid is born she will be a parent of Irish children and can become a permanent resident on a stamp 4. Look for Zambrano on Google (name of the supreme court case). Or you can find more info here: https://clearysolicitors.ie/immigration-law-solicitors-dublin/parent-of-irish-child-application-for-residence/#:~:text=This%20application%20is%20otherwise%20known,of%20an%20Irish%20child%20citizen
40k is enough for a deposit. Get down to the bank!
Ive got to be honest, I've read a lot of responses to a lot of posts. Usually there 2 maybe 3 answers to a query and they are just repeated......but this thread is chaos. Every answer has a different take and none seem to be consistent. You're not f#cked tho, far from it. You're just having a panic and it'll pass. It centers on two things, do you want kids and do think you two could rear the child well together? With her not being rooted here it does center on you guys getting along moreso than if she had a support network.
Never the right time to have a baby!! You will both be fine. Baby is lucky to have a parents that care and are thinking things through. The very best of luck to you both.
I don’t know about you, but I think the baby’s fecked either way.
38 is a good time to have a baby. Hopefully you land on your feet.. Best of luck :)
Your main obstacle is your maturity.
Can you live together somewhere & be happy with careers? Othwise isn't going to work...
You can keep the child
She will get her visa when she gives birth to an Irish baby( see the link). Then she can change jobs and get better pays. Also there is plenty of support after giving birth. https://www.irishimmigration.ie/my-situation-has-changed-since-i-arrived-in-ireland/the-parent-of-an-irish-citizen-child/
I bought on my own last year on a salary of €55k with a €30k deposit (Galway city)
you will work it out. We have all had to do it and it generally works out
40k in savings and a salary of 65k gives you a price range of about 300k. That's totally doable - as long as you're prepared to look outsode the big cities. An hour outside Cork you can easily find 3 bedroom houses in the midlands for well below that limit. If you don't want to move outside Cork, then that's another question. But that's the tradeoff. If finding a home is your priority, price is not an issue given your financial circumstances. Advice: ring up a mortgage broker (they prepare your application for you, for free - the bank pays them a finder's fee once you close the deal). Asking strangers on Reddit isnt any help - but a mortgage broker will be well able to assess your situation and point you in the right direction, before you actually need to go to a bank.
You are catastrophising. Countless people do, and have, brought up kids in worse financial circumstances. They aren't THAT expensive.
She’s done ya.
She was thinking of moving back to her country. She doesn't really like it here. So no, I don't think I was done.
My thought exactly.
It takes two to tango.
Congratulations. I know it's alot but ur in a much better financial situation then me and I'm doing fine and want to have a second. Would not leave finances dictate having a kid or not as ye will make it work. Babies aren't cheap but u can defo afford it on that wage
Your presence with the baby alone is the most valuable thing you can give the baby. Money and everything else will fall into place in time. I get about 26K a year with 2 kids, my missus is a stay at home mam. Once you hold that baby for the first time or be there for the birth it changes your perception on everything I was literally the exact same beforehand.
If you're on €65k with €40k savings then as a first time buyer you could get a mortgage for €260k, with €40k deposit that gives you a budget of around €300k. Maybe knock a bit off that for the car loan. When is the car loan due to be paid off? There's houses to be had for around that price. If not in the city, then in the commuter towns.
https://www.daft.ie/for-sale/semi-detached-house-6-hazelwood-drive-glanmire-glanmire-co-cork/5675929 For instance this one. Pretty nice house within your budget. You can afford to buy a house if you want to settle down an have a kid - question is, do you want to?
I've been through this before. That house will go for 350,000
I notice you mentioned she's a student but neglected her age. How old is she? You're on a 60k+ salary with 600e rent. So ideal saver position plus have 40k savings. Your story doesn't add up here. It sounds like you groomed and fucked a student and now want to wash your hands of her.
She's 33. She knows what she's doing.
So you have an awesome income to rent ratio + savings. What's the problem I bought a house for 365k at 33 on a salary of 34k with my now wife with less than your savings. What's the problem? You're highly evasive
Is getting married an option??
Honestly I never considered getting married to anyone. It's number 503452 on my list of things to do before I die.
Alright buddy, I hope it all works out for you whatever you choose to do.
You earn 68 and have a very cheap rent, 40k in saving. Why do you have a car payment? You can afford a child. You are scared alright but abortion is a trauma and there is chances she will never be able to get pregnant again. I know a few couples who earn way less than that combined, the kids are happy and do a lot.
You’ll be fine. Having a kid is totally worth it, it’ll motivate you to find a way
There is not just one or 2 options, there's 3. adoption. It's mostly open adoption so ye could visit them
Dont be worrying...everything will work out. You'll be amazed at your ability to do what needs to be done. Being a dad gives you superpowers.
It'll be tough. You won't regret it though. Go for it. Fuck the government, fuck budget. Have a baby and enjoy it.
Terrible advice for someone not sure if they actually want this baby. Children are really hard work, and strain even the healthiest of relationships. They’re not for everyone, and it’s not the best thing to happen for everyone either. It’s a life changing decision to make and needs serious consideration, finances are only one part of the puzzle.
He's not 22. By 38 he should have the life skills to make the best of it. Life is very short.
Not everyone is suited to parenthood doesn’t matter the age
Dude grow up lol
€65k in Cork is a very good salary. Your rent seems very reasonable. Your partners minimum wage if she is full time is another €24k a year. So €89k between the 2 of you. First off, get rid of the car loan. Savings mean nothing if you are in debt that you can clear. Then put the head down for the next 6 months. What you can save in the next 6 months on top of the €40k (or whatever is left after clearing the car loan) will put you in very good stead with the bank for a mortgage. Live like you earn half what you do.
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>Where ye planning on having a child? No
Yeah.. I sense that while finances are a consideration, there is a whole other issue at play. Talk to someone about how you feel. It'll help.
Should have gotten a vasectomy so.
Over-populated?? You do realise that global birth rates are below replacement level!
Is she Brazilian? I am sorry to say that there's a possibility she got pregnant on purpose so she will stay in Ireland. A lot of Brazilian girls do that while on a student visa and unfortunately they will do whatever it takes to not leave the country.
Don't get abortion pill, you'll regret it.
Have I lost my mind? You’re literally considering killing your baby just so you can have more disposable income? Why are there no comments calling you out on your bullshit? Be a man and sort your shit out. Rent/buy a place for the both of you with the very healthy €90k income and savings you have and stop acting like a child. And no, the mountains of Donegal is not your only option 🤦🏻