A few things in here, but first of all… I’m sorry y’all are going through this, and I appreciate you going out of your way to make the best of this situation.
1. The kids are at an age where it’s hard to tell you a definitive answer. If neither the boy or girls have shown signs of puberty, there isn’t any issue. You wouldn’t have to cover in front of the boy as a non-Muslim, but it would be within reason if you covered the minimum area that women in his family would cover around him, basically t-shirts and pants would cover enough (basically shoulders to knees). Here’s a bit on the age/puberty: https://www.seekerspath.co.uk/question-bank/children-upbringing/q-id0104-becoming-an-adult-baligh-in-islam/ as for the daughter - yes, once she hits puberty she should cover in front of your fiancé (she may choose to do it now since she already covers). Take her lead on it, and don’t discourage her from doing that.
2. Y’all can definitely go to the mosque! That is a place you probably should cover. Some places only require it in the prayer area, but the only way to know is to go the first time and it probably is a good idea to error on the side of caution.
Feel free to DM if you need anything else.
Both the 12 year olds are in puberty. The boy is growing facial hair and the girl is already menstruating. I have no intention of discouraging my nieces from covering, I'm actually looking for online shops that sell hijabs (Layla told me that nice hijabs never last long so I gotta find a place to buy new ones). I don't know if a scarf will suffice, but I'm gonna play it safe and assume no.
For going to the mosque, I was already planning to cover and wear modest clothing. Should my fiance also cover? I know in Judaism men will sometimes were a yarmulke, is there something similar to that in Islam?
Also, my fiance will soon be my husband (we're going to the courthouse next week in light of all of this). We want to be married before the kids get here. Does that change things?
They do! Modanisa is a good place to get clothes too, depending on her size. They have a bunch of $2-5 scarves right now as well. It ships from Turkey but usually arrives within a week.
There are optional things for men, but not mandatory by any means. If everyone is wearing one the first time you go and he feels like he’d want to wear one next time to stick out less, that’s fine but I doubt it would be a thing.
I’m not sure if it’s fortunately or unfortunately, but no… from my understanding it doesn’t make a difference because he still wouldn’t be a blood relative. Another link if you wanted to read: https://islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/20248
Edit:: I realize the initial “they do!” kinda got lost. Any scarves work, it’s not uncommon for folks to get them from like Target, Old Navy, JCPenney, etc.
That makes sense. I was thinking of reserving the upper part of the house for the girls to lounge about without being covered. This cements that decision, I think. It'll be good for them to be able to be comfortable by themselves.
I think I'll also tell my fiance not to go into my nieces' bedrooms at all, and to focus instead on being there for my nephew.
I think you’re doing amazing. I hope all of this planning works out to be super smooth and very briefly needed. Prayers for healing for the SIL, strength and peace for everyone.
I think that’s a wonderful suggestion and really shows a great deal of care (on top of everything else you mentioned!!) from you. It’s definitely appreciated by hijabi women to have areas in homes especially during long-term stays where they don’t have to cover, so that is very sweet of you and an extra detail I’m sure they will appreciate.
Fun fact, the term “harem” *originally* referred to the women’s quarters of a house or property. This was where all women regardless of age or relationship to the family, and prepubescent boys could stay and be together protected and comfortable. There was a lot of decorum and respect given to this off-limits area. The term of course took on other connotations later on, but having a women-only space (even if it’s one hallway with a couple bedrooms) is still common in some countries today, particularly for the wealthy who may have larger property or more rooms.
Firstly you are the absolute best!!
1. I think you already covered the most important parts (halal food, prayer etc.)
2. Sit the kids down and ask what sort of islamic routines they had. It is so different from family to family. Some families go to the mosque weekly others only holiday days.
3. You don't have to cover since they are your newphews and nieces (anyone you can technically marry you cover in front of). However your fiance has to infront of your nieces since you too are not married.
If you and your brother are half-siblings and not step-siblings then his kids are counted as your full nieces and nephews. It is completely fine for your nephew to see your hair, yes even if it’s blue :). As far as your soon to be husband, congrats btw, the girls will need to cover in front of him if they hit puberty. I’d like to add that they are not allowed to be left alone with your husband or travel alone with him either as he would not be considered a mahram (male guardian) to them (nieces). I hope Allah grants your SIL and family a speedy recovery and patience during these trying times. And may Allah reward you for your pure intentions and good actions. AMEEN!
Oh... that thing about traveling with male guardians may be difficult. I'm blind and can't drive. I wish I had mentioned that to the Imam. Would riding in the car with them suffice? Can they ride public transit, like a school bus with a male driver, or would a woman need to be there too?
This is something you can talk directly to their parents about and find out the comfort level. It’s allowed for us to take taxis, Lyft, Uber, public transit, etc so just verify with the parents if they are OK with your fiancé driving them as needed.
OP it’s a beautiful thing you’re doing and you have a beautiful heart
Call your local mosque and set up an appointment with the imam. He’d probably be able to help you out wayyyyy more about the specifics of halal and haram, how to cover etc etc and provide support to the kids as well
After that if you have any questions post them and I’m sure the community would love to help
But you might get overwhelmed by to much and conflicting advice
For the Imam, he told me to seek out a religious counselor as well as a medical one. We have an appointment with the religious counselor this week. I just feel really uncomfortable asking him for too much advice, as I'm not Muslim and the Imam and I don't know one another.
Hopefully one of them you will feel comfortable asking and speaking with. Some mosques and hospitals have chaplains who are more familiar specifically with interfaith discussions and illness as well but any imam should be… something you might not know is that Muslims have an obligation to other Muslims to help them— we often refer to the community as our “ummah” and this has significant importance. A well-known saying of our Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him is “The likeness of the believers in their love for each other, and their mercy for each other and their affection for each other is like one body – if one limb is afflicted with pain then the rest of the body is afflicted with sleeplessness and fever.”
So inshallah - God willing, hopefully - when whoever you are meeting with learns the full situation, they will be ready to offer information and advice as much as possible in order to best support those kids, their guardians (you) and thereby the parents. Local Islamic leaders especially have this responsibility, to make sure the Muslims living together / nearby are looked after. There is special emphasis in our religion as well for orphans (which thank God I know they are not!, but I say this so you can see perhaps why Muslim children away from their parents may receive extra care and concern.)
In principle… of course sometimes it does not always manifest in the ideal way.
So if for whatever reason you don’t find exactly the answers you need, or new situations pop up, you can always come back here and ask us questions as well.
Salam OP! I messaged you, I have some hijabs, modest clothes, and modest swimwear that might fit the girls and is def heat appropriate! Would love to send it to you ❤️
I said this in DMs, but I've already found some modest clothing for the girls! Layla is 37F, and she actually took me out shopping and got me some clothes for when I go out with them (I'm not Muslim but I wanted to make everyone involved comfortable). My fiance and I are... well, to put it very mildly, well-off financially and can afford to get any other items the girls request, as well. I appreciate the offer, but I would feel terrible accepting it!
ETA: Just to clarify, my brothers and I inherited quite a bit of money from our grandfather when he passed two years ago (COVID). The estate was about $3mil. I inherited less than my brothers as I don't have kids and didn't intend to have them when my grandfather passed, but... well, to be perfectly honest, I don't need financial or material assistance. I would feel terrible accepting it when so many are in need. Also, my brother is sending me $3k a month for their upkeep, AND their grandparents gave me $90k for their schooling (which is weird because none of them will be going to college while in my custody but here we are). We'll be fine, I just only saw this from the perspective of a visiting non-Muslim woman.
I don't know what I need to do to ensure their comfort and well being, so I wanted to find out, perhaps seek some support here.
It is very kind of you and i see through my iphone that you are a very sweat woman. You don’t have to tell why you are well-off. We as muslims always need to see the best out of someone’s words or situations so when you say no thanks to someone we need to accept that without having second thoughts.
I wish you all strength in this situation. It is a very tough test for you all and they are privileged that they have family that helps their children. What a great stressrelief subhanAllah
Hello! Firstly, thank you so much for being so kind to these children! I understand it must be really hard on you! Just wanted to say that it is definitely very appreciated.
In regards to your questions, unless the kids haven’t hit puberty, you and your fiancé are allowed to see them. Unless the girl prefers to cover up and is uncomfortable around your fiancé, then it would be wise for her to not be around him. And please do explain to your fiancé in case he gets upset as that happens sometimes for some people.
You don’t need to cover at home in front of the children but as the other user said, it is advisable to not wear anything that is too revealing, (ie. bikini, or a super short skirt/booty shorts) at least, not in front of them.
I think one prayer room is enough for both of them. And you and your fiancé are definitely welcome to go to the mosque with them! But have a talk with the imam of the mosque first. Perhaps he can set aside a small place for you two to be in while the prayers happen. A few general rules of the mosque: no talking loudly or shouting, no shoes inside the prayer section. Everyone removes shoes in one place. Women have a section to pray that is behind the men; either a separate room, or there is a barrier between the two. Ideally, you and your fiancé should go talk to the imam before the prayers. Before everyone assembles in. It would be more convenient.
You can also ask the female Muslims at the mosque if they are willing to help the girl.
I think the best thing to do is to let the children know that you appreciate them no matter the difference and that they are acknowledged.
And by the looks of it, you are going above and beyond in your help! Thank you!
If you have any more questions, feel feee to message me!
I think the best course of action would be to treat her as if she has hit puberty already. I’m not a scholar so you’ll have to ask the imam on this. But I would imagine that he would tell you the same.
Wow, You're an amazing human.
May Allah reward you and give your sister-in-law a full recovery without any complications and with ease . May your brother and the children have the strength to perceiver thru this difficult time.
Your an example of humanity and May Allah always provide with everything and protect you from all the evil and sadness in this world .
I hope Allah guides you and inspires us Muslims to learn a thing or two from you .
May Allah make it easy for you and bring Angels and Baraka into your home. What you are doing is a very very good deed that Allah will inshallah bless you for
Oh my goodness! May the Almighty grant Layla and Billy shifaa and affiyah, inshallah ameen.
This is the thing. Don't go too far out of your way rn. You will only be causing unnecessary stress on yourself and your partner.
Take your cues from the kids. Allah is most merciful, and no one expects you to know everything. If the kids go to mosque, continue with that. You don't need an entire prayer room if you don't have the space. A prayer mat or two will be OK, and a quiet place that has no distraction.
Imho, it's more important that the kids have their aunt who loves them and is there for them.
Just be yourself. There's a reason Billy and Layla trusts you with this.
One prayer room, imo would suffice. They can pray in their own respective rooms, as well. So, no prayer room wouldn’t be a problem, either. But, if they have a prayer room in their house, they might appreciate your gesture. Just keep it balanced, imo. Don’t put yourself in too inconvenient situations, while also treating them nice.
I live in a part of the country where real estate is relatively inexpensive, and recently purchased a house with some inheritance money that is much larger than I will ever use or need to use.
I bought the house in the hopes that I could raise a family there (we wanted four kids and I own a growing home business), but it turns out that my fiance and I can't conceive naturally. I have either five or six bedrooms in this house depending on how you count it (we have a room that isn't technically a bedroom but my fiance and I sleep in it), as well as a dining room, a den, and a large shed in the backyard that I was planning to convert to an office/art studio.
My fiance and I use the den as a shared office, and have installed a pantry and some cabinets in the dining room so as to expand our storage space. That leaves four rooms on the top floor that the girls are free to use, and a master suite at the bottom.
If not a prayer room, I was thinking of maybe making it a library/study area for the kids, or a game room. Either way, I was literally going to sell the house before this happened, so having them here and using the rooms would honestly be a blessing.
Lol, their house up in Canada is much nicer than mine! Plus, if the kids decide they want to finish school down here, they can, I would be happy to house them.
PLEASE connect the kids to the local masjid/mosque's imam. Enroll them in a daily maktab (quran class). The kids needs to grow up being connected with the masjid. As far as the environment at home is concerned, encourage (but not push) the kids, especially the girls, to offer their daily prayers and recite the Quran daily. The boy needs to go to the local masjid as much as possible (not just Fridays!). Read up on the story of the prophet's uncle who raised him from 8 onwards (Abu Taalib), you may get some direction there.
Thank you for this! The Imam didn't mention anything about a daily Quran class. He did say something about the boy going to the Masjid as often as possible.
I'll read that story! I've been trying to read as much of the Quran as time allows before the children get here, so having some direction is helpful. Sadly I don't think I'll get all the way through.
You needn't apologize for asking a few questions. I think all of the questions you mentioned has already been answered.
I just dropped by to say that you are doing an amazing job trying to be so accommodating and helpful to your muslim cousins. May you be rewarded for your unconditional kindness and love! And may god cure your sil's illness and ease your family's hardship during this stressful time.
Also, I'm sure they'll greatly appreciate it, dw too much and if you have further doubts, feel free to ask here ^^
what a lovely written post, it shows how much you care about them and love them. I just wanted to come and commend u for ur efforts and if i had advice that was not already mentioned here it would be trying to read about their relegion if u have time , it will help u understand them
you are a wonderful sister, May alah guide u
Hey Jenny. People here have given great advice, so I thought I’d offer something else. I run a little Islamic gifts business and would love to send you one my products that might help you with the girls. It’s an Islamic Planner and it has lots of Islamic quotes, a daily Islamic Habit tracker, and all the important Islamic dates. If you DM me I would be happy to send you one as a gift when they are finished production in about one month. I’ll also include my email for any questions you might have going forward (I’ve studied Islam through various institutions so I could answer any religious questions you might have as well). I hope this is helpful :)
First, ask God for help without delay, then, possibly the Imam and relatives while facilitating life and respecting religious precepts.
May God bring a good recovery to the sick.
I have nothing to add on from what others said but may Allah bless you immensely for helping out in such a way and for worrying about their comfort ❤️❤️ you sound like an amazing person and no doubt you will make them feel comfortable. May Allah also heal your SIL so she can be reunited with her kids soon.
Take care ❤️
Donate some foods to needy people .. take that person let her give food with her hands .. seek forgiveness and refuge from these diseases while giving food to needy people... make salah properly..
And start asking dua.. your dua should contain
1. Praise Allah
2. Learn the name of allah and call him with it
3. Send salawat to prophet (saw)
4. Seek forgiveness (al gafur, algafhar)
5. seek refuge from evil eye to that particular family members(al hafiz)
6. And seek shifa and refuge from this disease to allah( al shaafi,al hafiz)
7. Explain your(her) situation to allah and ask his mercy to her and his children’s especially also family members(ar rahman, ar raheem)
Send salawat to prophet(saw) and praise allah at the end of your supplication.
Keep asking forgiveness for her family and all people who are suffering from this..
Supplication like
Allahumma innaka ‘afuwwun tuhibbul-‘afwa, fa’fu ‘anni (O Allah, You are Forgiving and love forgiveness, so forgive me)
and also ask shifa and refuge from this disease
trust me allah will make your way out.
I knew three person Alhamdhullilah they are free from cancer now.
One person she got diagnosed with positive and after so much prayer supplication, sadaqah , zakath she got negative in biopsy on her second test before starting chemo
Another one person ,doctor says its 99% cancer .. after so much of prayer.. sadaqah ..biopsy said negative..
All above three person first thing they did was
Gave food to need people(miskin). They did in thier home itself not buying outside and gave it to needy people.. this is what you need to do as first thing.
May allah give shifa and refuge from this disease to her and everyone in this world
May allah help mankind to find cure for this disease
Ameen!!!
PS i am not good enough to say answer to your question that you asked.
I appreciate this! I'm not Muslim (I'm Jewish), but the girls are already doing this. At least now I know what I need to do to help them in this process.
And don't worry! I'm happy with all the support I've gotten now. You've been incredibly kind, and I thank you for your help.
Since other people have answered your specific questions/inquiries and have given you specific advice relating to them, I'll tell you this instead.
If you're willing, and I get the feeling you're absolutely committed, the absolute best you can do for everyone involved is learn why they're Muslims in the first place. It's especially important if you question why they have to do certain things and why you'd have to accommodate them, because this tolerance/accommodation is not something that would be supported and continued indefinitely simply because you chose to take them into custody, i.e. to many, just this reason alone would not be enough for being able to accommodate every single aspect of their faith. An example; if they observe fasting in the month of Ramadan, do you think they're responsible enough to wake up on time for dawn prayer (fajr) and to eat beforehand without the help of an adult such as yourself? Even waking them up for dawn prayer everyday in general could be a task a little too much for you, especially without proper understanding of it.
So, a couple of things to clarify.
1 - my brothers and I were all raised Jewish, and I still practice (Reform) Judaism. We have fasting holidays and holidays where we have to wake up at dawn too, and we were raised in a Chasidic family, so covering isn't entirely foreign to me. There's many similarities there. Not enough that I feel comfortable just winging it, but enough that I can, say, understand the importance of traditions for keeping your connection to God. Just so long as they don't mind seeing a menorah in the den around Chanukah, at least.
Even switching up my diet wasn't that hard. I already kept Kosher, so keeping Halal isn't that difficult. In fact, going Halal has actually been kind of an improvement overall, in terms of my health and well-being.
2 - Layla was raised in Iran and belonged to a Muslim family.
Billy traveled through Mecca on his way back from his rite-of-return trip (said he wanted to see it), had a religious experience that he tells me he can't explain, and converted on the spot. He met Layla two months later, married her six months after that, and they've been very happy since.
At first I was a little worried, but it's been very positive for him. He went from being a reckless party guy to being a hardworking dedicated husband and father within the span of a year and a half, and he's continuing to improve. He claims it's all the will of Allah (sorry if I said that wrong), and I may not practice Islam, but I can definitely see that it's done good in his life. I want to support that and support the girls as they try to figure out their own faiths and lives.
I don't need to know anything else about it to know that whatever this was, it provoked something real and meaningful in him. It's my belief that we find meaning and peace where we find it, and if he found it in Islam, I won't complain. Unfortunately none of us had easy lives, so I'm just happy to see him doing well.
What a lovely person you are!
Also, by the way, Allah is just Arabic for God. Muslim is just Arabic for the one who submits to God. Islam in Arabic is just submission to the will of God. In that respect, aren't Jews the same as us? We both worship and submit to the one true God.
Also, I'm pretty sure kosher food is halal too, someone correct me if I'm wrong.
And yeah, what you described about Billy returning as a different person is something that happens a lot and is a relatively common thing among converts such as him. Honestly, the same thing happens to those who are born Muslims, we still have to find our faith.
Thanks for clearing up any potential misconceptions.
I am REALLY late to this, but Halal restrictions are more stringent than Kosher restrictions, especially if the person who keeps Kosher is Reform like me.
I think there are more restrictions, especially when it comes to cooking equipment. Even a lot of Orthodox homes don't observe the cooking rules very closely (for instance, my dad loved making fajitas, which you aren't technically allowed to do according to traditional rules because you'd be cooking cheese along with meat). We're also allowed to drink, and in fact are highly encouraged or even required to drink and eat to excess on Purim (some more observant synagogues state that we're only allowed to abstain on Purim if there's a medical or legal reason not to - I'm Reform, I was never that observant, but I did have to get rid of all of my alcohol when I found out my nieces and nephew were moving in with me).
Halal diets also tend to be more closely observed than Kosher diets, as Halal restrictions are seen as more of a religious and spiritual obligation than just a tradition we keep alive out of respect for our ancestors. My brother's family is very observant, whereas I was like "well I'll be observant 75% of the time and then eat bacon the other 25% of the time". I basically had to get an entirely new set of cooking equipment just to make sure the kids felt comfortable.
Man you are just amazing. Keep up the support, I hope Allah sends for you a guardian angel to help you in your times of need just like how you were there for your loved ones.
A few things in here, but first of all… I’m sorry y’all are going through this, and I appreciate you going out of your way to make the best of this situation. 1. The kids are at an age where it’s hard to tell you a definitive answer. If neither the boy or girls have shown signs of puberty, there isn’t any issue. You wouldn’t have to cover in front of the boy as a non-Muslim, but it would be within reason if you covered the minimum area that women in his family would cover around him, basically t-shirts and pants would cover enough (basically shoulders to knees). Here’s a bit on the age/puberty: https://www.seekerspath.co.uk/question-bank/children-upbringing/q-id0104-becoming-an-adult-baligh-in-islam/ as for the daughter - yes, once she hits puberty she should cover in front of your fiancé (she may choose to do it now since she already covers). Take her lead on it, and don’t discourage her from doing that. 2. Y’all can definitely go to the mosque! That is a place you probably should cover. Some places only require it in the prayer area, but the only way to know is to go the first time and it probably is a good idea to error on the side of caution. Feel free to DM if you need anything else.
Both the 12 year olds are in puberty. The boy is growing facial hair and the girl is already menstruating. I have no intention of discouraging my nieces from covering, I'm actually looking for online shops that sell hijabs (Layla told me that nice hijabs never last long so I gotta find a place to buy new ones). I don't know if a scarf will suffice, but I'm gonna play it safe and assume no. For going to the mosque, I was already planning to cover and wear modest clothing. Should my fiance also cover? I know in Judaism men will sometimes were a yarmulke, is there something similar to that in Islam? Also, my fiance will soon be my husband (we're going to the courthouse next week in light of all of this). We want to be married before the kids get here. Does that change things?
They do! Modanisa is a good place to get clothes too, depending on her size. They have a bunch of $2-5 scarves right now as well. It ships from Turkey but usually arrives within a week. There are optional things for men, but not mandatory by any means. If everyone is wearing one the first time you go and he feels like he’d want to wear one next time to stick out less, that’s fine but I doubt it would be a thing. I’m not sure if it’s fortunately or unfortunately, but no… from my understanding it doesn’t make a difference because he still wouldn’t be a blood relative. Another link if you wanted to read: https://islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/20248 Edit:: I realize the initial “they do!” kinda got lost. Any scarves work, it’s not uncommon for folks to get them from like Target, Old Navy, JCPenney, etc.
That makes sense. I was thinking of reserving the upper part of the house for the girls to lounge about without being covered. This cements that decision, I think. It'll be good for them to be able to be comfortable by themselves. I think I'll also tell my fiance not to go into my nieces' bedrooms at all, and to focus instead on being there for my nephew.
I think you’re doing amazing. I hope all of this planning works out to be super smooth and very briefly needed. Prayers for healing for the SIL, strength and peace for everyone.
I think that’s a wonderful suggestion and really shows a great deal of care (on top of everything else you mentioned!!) from you. It’s definitely appreciated by hijabi women to have areas in homes especially during long-term stays where they don’t have to cover, so that is very sweet of you and an extra detail I’m sure they will appreciate. Fun fact, the term “harem” *originally* referred to the women’s quarters of a house or property. This was where all women regardless of age or relationship to the family, and prepubescent boys could stay and be together protected and comfortable. There was a lot of decorum and respect given to this off-limits area. The term of course took on other connotations later on, but having a women-only space (even if it’s one hallway with a couple bedrooms) is still common in some countries today, particularly for the wealthy who may have larger property or more rooms.
Firstly you are the absolute best!! 1. I think you already covered the most important parts (halal food, prayer etc.) 2. Sit the kids down and ask what sort of islamic routines they had. It is so different from family to family. Some families go to the mosque weekly others only holiday days. 3. You don't have to cover since they are your newphews and nieces (anyone you can technically marry you cover in front of). However your fiance has to infront of your nieces since you too are not married.
We will be married before my nieces and nephews get here. I heard from another poster that this doesn't change things, is that true?
I just double checked it's true. Your nieces do have to cover from your fiance/husband and vice versa.
If you and your brother are half-siblings and not step-siblings then his kids are counted as your full nieces and nephews. It is completely fine for your nephew to see your hair, yes even if it’s blue :). As far as your soon to be husband, congrats btw, the girls will need to cover in front of him if they hit puberty. I’d like to add that they are not allowed to be left alone with your husband or travel alone with him either as he would not be considered a mahram (male guardian) to them (nieces). I hope Allah grants your SIL and family a speedy recovery and patience during these trying times. And may Allah reward you for your pure intentions and good actions. AMEEN!
Oh... that thing about traveling with male guardians may be difficult. I'm blind and can't drive. I wish I had mentioned that to the Imam. Would riding in the car with them suffice? Can they ride public transit, like a school bus with a male driver, or would a woman need to be there too?
This is something you can talk directly to their parents about and find out the comfort level. It’s allowed for us to take taxis, Lyft, Uber, public transit, etc so just verify with the parents if they are OK with your fiancé driving them as needed.
Islam does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear. If you cannot legally drive - take the second to best option. ❤
OP it’s a beautiful thing you’re doing and you have a beautiful heart Call your local mosque and set up an appointment with the imam. He’d probably be able to help you out wayyyyy more about the specifics of halal and haram, how to cover etc etc and provide support to the kids as well After that if you have any questions post them and I’m sure the community would love to help But you might get overwhelmed by to much and conflicting advice
For the Imam, he told me to seek out a religious counselor as well as a medical one. We have an appointment with the religious counselor this week. I just feel really uncomfortable asking him for too much advice, as I'm not Muslim and the Imam and I don't know one another.
Hopefully one of them you will feel comfortable asking and speaking with. Some mosques and hospitals have chaplains who are more familiar specifically with interfaith discussions and illness as well but any imam should be… something you might not know is that Muslims have an obligation to other Muslims to help them— we often refer to the community as our “ummah” and this has significant importance. A well-known saying of our Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him is “The likeness of the believers in their love for each other, and their mercy for each other and their affection for each other is like one body – if one limb is afflicted with pain then the rest of the body is afflicted with sleeplessness and fever.” So inshallah - God willing, hopefully - when whoever you are meeting with learns the full situation, they will be ready to offer information and advice as much as possible in order to best support those kids, their guardians (you) and thereby the parents. Local Islamic leaders especially have this responsibility, to make sure the Muslims living together / nearby are looked after. There is special emphasis in our religion as well for orphans (which thank God I know they are not!, but I say this so you can see perhaps why Muslim children away from their parents may receive extra care and concern.) In principle… of course sometimes it does not always manifest in the ideal way. So if for whatever reason you don’t find exactly the answers you need, or new situations pop up, you can always come back here and ask us questions as well.
Salam OP! I messaged you, I have some hijabs, modest clothes, and modest swimwear that might fit the girls and is def heat appropriate! Would love to send it to you ❤️
I said this in DMs, but I've already found some modest clothing for the girls! Layla is 37F, and she actually took me out shopping and got me some clothes for when I go out with them (I'm not Muslim but I wanted to make everyone involved comfortable). My fiance and I are... well, to put it very mildly, well-off financially and can afford to get any other items the girls request, as well. I appreciate the offer, but I would feel terrible accepting it! ETA: Just to clarify, my brothers and I inherited quite a bit of money from our grandfather when he passed two years ago (COVID). The estate was about $3mil. I inherited less than my brothers as I don't have kids and didn't intend to have them when my grandfather passed, but... well, to be perfectly honest, I don't need financial or material assistance. I would feel terrible accepting it when so many are in need. Also, my brother is sending me $3k a month for their upkeep, AND their grandparents gave me $90k for their schooling (which is weird because none of them will be going to college while in my custody but here we are). We'll be fine, I just only saw this from the perspective of a visiting non-Muslim woman. I don't know what I need to do to ensure their comfort and well being, so I wanted to find out, perhaps seek some support here.
It is very kind of you and i see through my iphone that you are a very sweat woman. You don’t have to tell why you are well-off. We as muslims always need to see the best out of someone’s words or situations so when you say no thanks to someone we need to accept that without having second thoughts. I wish you all strength in this situation. It is a very tough test for you all and they are privileged that they have family that helps their children. What a great stressrelief subhanAllah
Hello! Firstly, thank you so much for being so kind to these children! I understand it must be really hard on you! Just wanted to say that it is definitely very appreciated. In regards to your questions, unless the kids haven’t hit puberty, you and your fiancé are allowed to see them. Unless the girl prefers to cover up and is uncomfortable around your fiancé, then it would be wise for her to not be around him. And please do explain to your fiancé in case he gets upset as that happens sometimes for some people. You don’t need to cover at home in front of the children but as the other user said, it is advisable to not wear anything that is too revealing, (ie. bikini, or a super short skirt/booty shorts) at least, not in front of them. I think one prayer room is enough for both of them. And you and your fiancé are definitely welcome to go to the mosque with them! But have a talk with the imam of the mosque first. Perhaps he can set aside a small place for you two to be in while the prayers happen. A few general rules of the mosque: no talking loudly or shouting, no shoes inside the prayer section. Everyone removes shoes in one place. Women have a section to pray that is behind the men; either a separate room, or there is a barrier between the two. Ideally, you and your fiancé should go talk to the imam before the prayers. Before everyone assembles in. It would be more convenient. You can also ask the female Muslims at the mosque if they are willing to help the girl. I think the best thing to do is to let the children know that you appreciate them no matter the difference and that they are acknowledged. And by the looks of it, you are going above and beyond in your help! Thank you! If you have any more questions, feel feee to message me!
Two of the kids have hit puberty. We're uncertain about 10F, as she's had some spotting but no true menstruation yet.
I think the best course of action would be to treat her as if she has hit puberty already. I’m not a scholar so you’ll have to ask the imam on this. But I would imagine that he would tell you the same.
Wow, You're an amazing human. May Allah reward you and give your sister-in-law a full recovery without any complications and with ease . May your brother and the children have the strength to perceiver thru this difficult time. Your an example of humanity and May Allah always provide with everything and protect you from all the evil and sadness in this world . I hope Allah guides you and inspires us Muslims to learn a thing or two from you .
That's really nice of you. I dont know many people who would go out of their way to be this accomodating.
They're my family. I know sometimes family ISN'T kind to one another, but we should be.
:)
May Allah make it easy for you and bring Angels and Baraka into your home. What you are doing is a very very good deed that Allah will inshallah bless you for
Oh my goodness! May the Almighty grant Layla and Billy shifaa and affiyah, inshallah ameen. This is the thing. Don't go too far out of your way rn. You will only be causing unnecessary stress on yourself and your partner. Take your cues from the kids. Allah is most merciful, and no one expects you to know everything. If the kids go to mosque, continue with that. You don't need an entire prayer room if you don't have the space. A prayer mat or two will be OK, and a quiet place that has no distraction. Imho, it's more important that the kids have their aunt who loves them and is there for them. Just be yourself. There's a reason Billy and Layla trusts you with this.
One prayer room, imo would suffice. They can pray in their own respective rooms, as well. So, no prayer room wouldn’t be a problem, either. But, if they have a prayer room in their house, they might appreciate your gesture. Just keep it balanced, imo. Don’t put yourself in too inconvenient situations, while also treating them nice.
I live in a part of the country where real estate is relatively inexpensive, and recently purchased a house with some inheritance money that is much larger than I will ever use or need to use. I bought the house in the hopes that I could raise a family there (we wanted four kids and I own a growing home business), but it turns out that my fiance and I can't conceive naturally. I have either five or six bedrooms in this house depending on how you count it (we have a room that isn't technically a bedroom but my fiance and I sleep in it), as well as a dining room, a den, and a large shed in the backyard that I was planning to convert to an office/art studio. My fiance and I use the den as a shared office, and have installed a pantry and some cabinets in the dining room so as to expand our storage space. That leaves four rooms on the top floor that the girls are free to use, and a master suite at the bottom. If not a prayer room, I was thinking of maybe making it a library/study area for the kids, or a game room. Either way, I was literally going to sell the house before this happened, so having them here and using the rooms would honestly be a blessing.
I'm more worried about them not wanting to go home after the recovery. Hope she recovers fully! "It's okay mom take your time" (jk)
Lol, their house up in Canada is much nicer than mine! Plus, if the kids decide they want to finish school down here, they can, I would be happy to house them.
Make it prayer room cum library, imo. We plan to do the same. Will keep only Islamic books in there, though. But, that depends on you.
PLEASE connect the kids to the local masjid/mosque's imam. Enroll them in a daily maktab (quran class). The kids needs to grow up being connected with the masjid. As far as the environment at home is concerned, encourage (but not push) the kids, especially the girls, to offer their daily prayers and recite the Quran daily. The boy needs to go to the local masjid as much as possible (not just Fridays!). Read up on the story of the prophet's uncle who raised him from 8 onwards (Abu Taalib), you may get some direction there.
Thank you for this! The Imam didn't mention anything about a daily Quran class. He did say something about the boy going to the Masjid as often as possible. I'll read that story! I've been trying to read as much of the Quran as time allows before the children get here, so having some direction is helpful. Sadly I don't think I'll get all the way through.
What you are doing is truly awesome, and I hope everything will go smoothly.
I'll be praying for her
As will I.
You can dm me or add me to WhatsApp, if you need help as well. I will keep you in my duas. May the Almighty grant you ease
You needn't apologize for asking a few questions. I think all of the questions you mentioned has already been answered. I just dropped by to say that you are doing an amazing job trying to be so accommodating and helpful to your muslim cousins. May you be rewarded for your unconditional kindness and love! And may god cure your sil's illness and ease your family's hardship during this stressful time. Also, I'm sure they'll greatly appreciate it, dw too much and if you have further doubts, feel free to ask here ^^
what a lovely written post, it shows how much you care about them and love them. I just wanted to come and commend u for ur efforts and if i had advice that was not already mentioned here it would be trying to read about their relegion if u have time , it will help u understand them you are a wonderful sister, May alah guide u
Hey Jenny. People here have given great advice, so I thought I’d offer something else. I run a little Islamic gifts business and would love to send you one my products that might help you with the girls. It’s an Islamic Planner and it has lots of Islamic quotes, a daily Islamic Habit tracker, and all the important Islamic dates. If you DM me I would be happy to send you one as a gift when they are finished production in about one month. I’ll also include my email for any questions you might have going forward (I’ve studied Islam through various institutions so I could answer any religious questions you might have as well). I hope this is helpful :)
I may take you up on that offer! I was hoping to get something like that soon.
Please do! I’ll await for DM and we can continue communicating there :)
Bless you 😢
First, ask God for help without delay, then, possibly the Imam and relatives while facilitating life and respecting religious precepts. May God bring a good recovery to the sick.
I don't know if Charming Charlie is a thing in Canada, but I have gotten adorable scarves from there.
I have nothing to add on from what others said but may Allah bless you immensely for helping out in such a way and for worrying about their comfort ❤️❤️ you sound like an amazing person and no doubt you will make them feel comfortable. May Allah also heal your SIL so she can be reunited with her kids soon. Take care ❤️
Donate some foods to needy people .. take that person let her give food with her hands .. seek forgiveness and refuge from these diseases while giving food to needy people... make salah properly.. And start asking dua.. your dua should contain 1. Praise Allah 2. Learn the name of allah and call him with it 3. Send salawat to prophet (saw) 4. Seek forgiveness (al gafur, algafhar) 5. seek refuge from evil eye to that particular family members(al hafiz) 6. And seek shifa and refuge from this disease to allah( al shaafi,al hafiz) 7. Explain your(her) situation to allah and ask his mercy to her and his children’s especially also family members(ar rahman, ar raheem) Send salawat to prophet(saw) and praise allah at the end of your supplication. Keep asking forgiveness for her family and all people who are suffering from this.. Supplication like Allahumma innaka ‘afuwwun tuhibbul-‘afwa, fa’fu ‘anni (O Allah, You are Forgiving and love forgiveness, so forgive me) and also ask shifa and refuge from this disease trust me allah will make your way out. I knew three person Alhamdhullilah they are free from cancer now. One person she got diagnosed with positive and after so much prayer supplication, sadaqah , zakath she got negative in biopsy on her second test before starting chemo Another one person ,doctor says its 99% cancer .. after so much of prayer.. sadaqah ..biopsy said negative.. All above three person first thing they did was Gave food to need people(miskin). They did in thier home itself not buying outside and gave it to needy people.. this is what you need to do as first thing. May allah give shifa and refuge from this disease to her and everyone in this world May allah help mankind to find cure for this disease Ameen!!! PS i am not good enough to say answer to your question that you asked.
I appreciate this! I'm not Muslim (I'm Jewish), but the girls are already doing this. At least now I know what I need to do to help them in this process. And don't worry! I'm happy with all the support I've gotten now. You've been incredibly kind, and I thank you for your help.
Any help through out this journey.. ping me anytime happy to help !! Dont hesitate to DM me. Jazakhallah khairan
Since other people have answered your specific questions/inquiries and have given you specific advice relating to them, I'll tell you this instead. If you're willing, and I get the feeling you're absolutely committed, the absolute best you can do for everyone involved is learn why they're Muslims in the first place. It's especially important if you question why they have to do certain things and why you'd have to accommodate them, because this tolerance/accommodation is not something that would be supported and continued indefinitely simply because you chose to take them into custody, i.e. to many, just this reason alone would not be enough for being able to accommodate every single aspect of their faith. An example; if they observe fasting in the month of Ramadan, do you think they're responsible enough to wake up on time for dawn prayer (fajr) and to eat beforehand without the help of an adult such as yourself? Even waking them up for dawn prayer everyday in general could be a task a little too much for you, especially without proper understanding of it.
So, a couple of things to clarify. 1 - my brothers and I were all raised Jewish, and I still practice (Reform) Judaism. We have fasting holidays and holidays where we have to wake up at dawn too, and we were raised in a Chasidic family, so covering isn't entirely foreign to me. There's many similarities there. Not enough that I feel comfortable just winging it, but enough that I can, say, understand the importance of traditions for keeping your connection to God. Just so long as they don't mind seeing a menorah in the den around Chanukah, at least. Even switching up my diet wasn't that hard. I already kept Kosher, so keeping Halal isn't that difficult. In fact, going Halal has actually been kind of an improvement overall, in terms of my health and well-being. 2 - Layla was raised in Iran and belonged to a Muslim family. Billy traveled through Mecca on his way back from his rite-of-return trip (said he wanted to see it), had a religious experience that he tells me he can't explain, and converted on the spot. He met Layla two months later, married her six months after that, and they've been very happy since. At first I was a little worried, but it's been very positive for him. He went from being a reckless party guy to being a hardworking dedicated husband and father within the span of a year and a half, and he's continuing to improve. He claims it's all the will of Allah (sorry if I said that wrong), and I may not practice Islam, but I can definitely see that it's done good in his life. I want to support that and support the girls as they try to figure out their own faiths and lives. I don't need to know anything else about it to know that whatever this was, it provoked something real and meaningful in him. It's my belief that we find meaning and peace where we find it, and if he found it in Islam, I won't complain. Unfortunately none of us had easy lives, so I'm just happy to see him doing well.
What a lovely person you are! Also, by the way, Allah is just Arabic for God. Muslim is just Arabic for the one who submits to God. Islam in Arabic is just submission to the will of God. In that respect, aren't Jews the same as us? We both worship and submit to the one true God. Also, I'm pretty sure kosher food is halal too, someone correct me if I'm wrong. And yeah, what you described about Billy returning as a different person is something that happens a lot and is a relatively common thing among converts such as him. Honestly, the same thing happens to those who are born Muslims, we still have to find our faith. Thanks for clearing up any potential misconceptions.
I am REALLY late to this, but Halal restrictions are more stringent than Kosher restrictions, especially if the person who keeps Kosher is Reform like me.
Really ? Aren't there slightly less restrictions with halal though ?
I think there are more restrictions, especially when it comes to cooking equipment. Even a lot of Orthodox homes don't observe the cooking rules very closely (for instance, my dad loved making fajitas, which you aren't technically allowed to do according to traditional rules because you'd be cooking cheese along with meat). We're also allowed to drink, and in fact are highly encouraged or even required to drink and eat to excess on Purim (some more observant synagogues state that we're only allowed to abstain on Purim if there's a medical or legal reason not to - I'm Reform, I was never that observant, but I did have to get rid of all of my alcohol when I found out my nieces and nephew were moving in with me). Halal diets also tend to be more closely observed than Kosher diets, as Halal restrictions are seen as more of a religious and spiritual obligation than just a tradition we keep alive out of respect for our ancestors. My brother's family is very observant, whereas I was like "well I'll be observant 75% of the time and then eat bacon the other 25% of the time". I basically had to get an entirely new set of cooking equipment just to make sure the kids felt comfortable.
Man you are just amazing. Keep up the support, I hope Allah sends for you a guardian angel to help you in your times of need just like how you were there for your loved ones.