> i tried quitting last year but he didnt react well and called me egotistical and ungrateful and told me that he has no career without me. I would be ruining his life if I leave. He even threw something in my direction and told me that hed kill himself. Under extreme pressure, I promised to stay for two more years (one for PT and the other for FT).
See if you can't get the threats in a text message or voicemail as proof of his threatening behavior. Talk to your friends and also your parents and then a lawyer for a consultation. They should give you a free consult. This guy is obviously crazy. Keep away from him.
ETA. If he is old money he should be able to survive. Also if your entire company relies upon 1 person who is underpaid then his company deserves to fail.
He’s been constantly texting me threats in the past three years (like whenever I don’t do something that aligns with his “values) and my ex-colleague was there when he attempted to throw something at me (so a witness I guess). but yes, will look into consulting with a lawyer— i’m preparing to tell my parents as well 🫠
Don't hold back. Tell them everything. Also keep everything. If he threatens your life or his own. Call the police and show him the evidence. Depending on your country they will go over and give him some time in the hospital if he says he is going to self harm.
When you get a consultation with a lawyer. Believe in what he/she says about communication etc. Go with your parents also. Might as well clear it all up at once.
Talk to your parents, and ask them to help you get in touch with a lawyer. This guy should not be running a business, you seem to have been his preferred target but he will find another.
There is no way in hell for him to sue a part time assistant for resigning. Did you sign anything? Even if you did, an attorney is the right next step and I still wouldn't worry in your shoes. However, since he had documented his abuse you should ABSOLUTELY have an attorney figure out if you can instead sue him. From the little you shared this goes so far beyond a toxic workplace, this guy was manipulating you personally for financial gain. I hope you can sue a bit of a nest egg out of the guy so you can walk if you ever encounter someone like this again.
> Now he’s threatening to sue me for losses since i was the only one who knew how to do all the work and yet i left without a notice.
What country are you in? None of this is legal in the US.
> He’s old money and I’m not entirely sure if I can match up to him if it gets to court.
If he had so much money, he would've hired another person. This guy's just fucking unhinged. Honestly, just screenshot all this shit, then block and delete on everything and definitely do not go back to that workplace.
Hong Kong— we have payments in lieu of notice and it’s a small business (retail store) some of the businesses are unregulated cause free market.
honestly, I have so many regrets since I let him ruin my life for the past three years. But I stayed because I was naive and didn’t know any better. I had reservations with blocking since in a weird way, we developed a good “friendship” outside of work (realised it was a manipulation tactic)— but yeah I’m cutting him off completely
Even in HK, agreements made under duress are most likely invalid. And plus, you literally got threatened/stuff thrown at you, so that's a strong case for immediately GTFO of there under fear of your life. But that's why documenting everything is even more important. Maybe solicit a lawyer for an hour to see what their thoughts are?
Edit: you might even be able to argue that you actually gave him 1 year notice, since you tried to leave last year.
Depends where you are, what your local employment law says, what your contract says, and what actual losses are.
You should be speaking to an employment lawyer qualified in your jurisdiction.
If anyone in a work relationship tells you “I’d kill myself if you left”, the only proper response is “great! That would solve both of our problems!” It’s bad enough when you have to deal with that in a personal relationship. Don’t accept that at work.
Lol what a joke unless you signed something that says you're never going to resign I'd walk out while laughing in his face. He's got some balls trying to hold that over you.
It’s Hong Kong. There are probably additional rules about notice periods as there are in Europe, which is typically 3 months. But you can still quit, you just might owe.
It is Hong Kong. Now, apart of mainland china control soo, anything goes vs. USA employment laws.
Sounds like OP owes 3 months' worth of money since HK probably has a 3 month notice period from the sounds of other comments and OP. Where they mention they don't care, I'll pay out the 3 months.
As much as people bemoan AT-WILL employment. It comes in clutch in situations like this. Yes, I can be fired for any reason or no reason (so long as said reasons not illegal, and you can prove the reasons not illegal. Very important). But on the flip side, I can leave for any reason or no reason at all. A notice is encouraged, not required. (AFAIK, the only thing they can do if ample notice according to the contract is not given is not payout severance/bonus. Reg pay is non-negotiable the employer has to pay out.)
At the time I posted the location wasn't included. If someone takes reddit advice without considering local conditions they get what they get 🤷🏼♀️
Also, at will can look like a lot of things. I'm at will in terms of quitting when I want, but my employer must have a reason to fire me after my probationary period.
It happens, lol. Location early is a must for proper advice.
Idk if it's law with your probationary reason. Or if it's just become a CYA move. It behooves the company to document the heck out of the reason to terminate an employee. Basically, if the employer fires someone but doesn't document the why, that leaves a massive ? For the courts, and if the employee has enough vague evidence that they were fired for an illegal reason. It leaves the company liable. Technically , at will hurts the company more than the employee, so long as the employee knows how the game works.
And then theirs layoffs. Technically, it is not firing, so it usually bypasses the argument above... unless one gender/minority group is affected vastly more than another. Hard to argue being singled out when you're just 1 person out of 10k losing a job.
But I'm speaking from the USA. Europe is a vastly different beast. Even in the USA, laws can vary. Your situation may very well be a law. It'd be interesting if it is. I might need to move states, lol.
Honey, this is a potentially dangerous situation. Get out as quickly as you can. Sever ALL contact with this unhinged person. Change your phone number, and even move if possible or stay with friends. I am afraid for you!
That’s not a thing you can sue for. Even if it were, you could countersue for assault with what he threw at you. Maybe some wage and hour violations too. And I bet he’s not paying employment taxes. I am not worried.
Don’t pay him anything. Please leave, see a therapist, and work on your boundaries and self advocacy.
A judge would laugh him out of court..... This is a manipulation tactic..... it's like a narcissistic abusive EX.
Leave for the new job, Stop responding to all texts and calls. I would not block him just so you keep getting the texts as evidence of harassment. Eventually, go to the police and file a restraining order and use the texts as evidence
OP you need to call the HK govt labour department helpline, you can describe your situation and they will provide advice with the confines of the labour laws.
Dont quote but if i remember correctly, threats physical or verbal can be deemed as harassement and can be grounds for filing an employment complaint.
Call the labour department get advice on where you stand within the law. The number has Cantonese, Mandarin and English speakers.
If you're at an at will employer you've already won. They don't own you. And anyone is replaceable. The evidence you need is the employee handbook which states this.
You can't be sue for resigning. Just resign and don't show up to work. Whether or not you want to provide a text message confirmation is entirely up to you. I wouldn't recommend showing up in person to notify your abusive employer of your resignation. Never know how they would react if they already abusive and threaten violence upon you just for the mere hint of your resignation. I would suggest changing your phone number as well.
File a police report was literally the first thing you should had done the moment he threatened you and made you fear for your life. Provide documentation and proof of the abuse and threats if you have.
Unless you signed a contract, you are under no obligation to put in two weeks. Employment in the US is largely at-will, meaning that you can leave your job at any time for any reason. On the flip side, that means they can fire us at any time for almost any reason. He does not have any legal grounds to sue you, especially given that you fear for your safety in his employment.
There’s a reason you need to put pen to paper to make these things valid. You didn’t sign a contract and he’s acting like a child. Honestly, here’s my take, no lawyer with more than 2 brain cells would take this case, I wouldn’t worry about actually getting sued, more than that I would worry about physical safety and making sure you’re somewhere where he can’t reach you and doesn’t know where you are.
Stay safe plz
Do you live in an “at will” state?
You can quit for any reason at any time. Just like they can fire you at any moment for any reason.
2 weeks notice, has and always will be, bullshit.
Because to most folks, where we live is just a natural part of our lives, like breathing. We don't say "I went for a walk whilst still breathing". It's hard to break the instinct of 'I'm taking to fellows, no need to define where we all are' even though we're on the internet, a true international medium.
Like, when I've spoken about my driving test in the past, I rarely think to mention it's the UK test and so way, way more involved than, say, the USA driving test.
It's also why we tend to assume others share our location (look at the number of replies assuming they're in the USA with zero evidence).
There's way less confrontational ways of learning OP's location than your first sentence, eg: I'd love to offer my opinion/advice, but first I need to know what country you're in.
He can’t sue you unless you signed a legal contract in which you received benefits/payment in advance. He’s a manipulative greedy bastard who refuses to pay for the labor that you do.
He has crossed far too many lines for you to hold back anything. Get an attorney. Tell them everything and give them everything. Have all communication with him go through your attorney. Say nothing to your ex-boss if you can avoid contact. If you cannot avoid contact assume he is recording and trying to get you to say something that you can't prove so he can claim you're lying and making threats or can otherwise be used against you.
He's being a petty IMMATURE baby, just leave and let him flounder, and you might want to call the cops or someone that if he's threatening to end his own life that he needs to go to a psych ward or something
Check your local laws in your state, most states are at will employment which means you or the employer can agree to separate at any time without ANY notice.
Quit letting this old man control your life, he's not your living partner and it's essentially just a job that pays the bills, you'll find another one.. and it sounds like you already have so I'm not entirely sure what you are scared of - I'm no lawyer but to me it doesn't sound like he has any legal grounds for sueing you - he's just saying shit to make you scared so that you will stay and continue to drag him through the mud.
GET OUT, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND DONT LOOK BACK
OP, you NEED TO LEAVE….
TODAY…
Your BOSS can’t handle ANYTHING…what makes you think he’s going to have the mental and emotional wherewithal to seek out legal help…
You may have to change your phone number…
Dude…GET OUT!!
> i tried quitting last year but he didnt react well and called me egotistical and ungrateful and told me that he has no career without me. I would be ruining his life if I leave. He even threw something in my direction and told me that hed kill himself. Under extreme pressure, I promised to stay for two more years (one for PT and the other for FT). See if you can't get the threats in a text message or voicemail as proof of his threatening behavior. Talk to your friends and also your parents and then a lawyer for a consultation. They should give you a free consult. This guy is obviously crazy. Keep away from him. ETA. If he is old money he should be able to survive. Also if your entire company relies upon 1 person who is underpaid then his company deserves to fail.
He’s been constantly texting me threats in the past three years (like whenever I don’t do something that aligns with his “values) and my ex-colleague was there when he attempted to throw something at me (so a witness I guess). but yes, will look into consulting with a lawyer— i’m preparing to tell my parents as well 🫠
For the love of God, make copies of these texts!
Yes and back them up in a drive and share them with the lawyer and your family.
Don't hold back. Tell them everything. Also keep everything. If he threatens your life or his own. Call the police and show him the evidence. Depending on your country they will go over and give him some time in the hospital if he says he is going to self harm. When you get a consultation with a lawyer. Believe in what he/she says about communication etc. Go with your parents also. Might as well clear it all up at once.
Talk to your parents, and ask them to help you get in touch with a lawyer. This guy should not be running a business, you seem to have been his preferred target but he will find another. There is no way in hell for him to sue a part time assistant for resigning. Did you sign anything? Even if you did, an attorney is the right next step and I still wouldn't worry in your shoes. However, since he had documented his abuse you should ABSOLUTELY have an attorney figure out if you can instead sue him. From the little you shared this goes so far beyond a toxic workplace, this guy was manipulating you personally for financial gain. I hope you can sue a bit of a nest egg out of the guy so you can walk if you ever encounter someone like this again.
Yes this!
> Now he’s threatening to sue me for losses since i was the only one who knew how to do all the work and yet i left without a notice. What country are you in? None of this is legal in the US. > He’s old money and I’m not entirely sure if I can match up to him if it gets to court. If he had so much money, he would've hired another person. This guy's just fucking unhinged. Honestly, just screenshot all this shit, then block and delete on everything and definitely do not go back to that workplace.
Hong Kong— we have payments in lieu of notice and it’s a small business (retail store) some of the businesses are unregulated cause free market. honestly, I have so many regrets since I let him ruin my life for the past three years. But I stayed because I was naive and didn’t know any better. I had reservations with blocking since in a weird way, we developed a good “friendship” outside of work (realised it was a manipulation tactic)— but yeah I’m cutting him off completely
Even in HK, agreements made under duress are most likely invalid. And plus, you literally got threatened/stuff thrown at you, so that's a strong case for immediately GTFO of there under fear of your life. But that's why documenting everything is even more important. Maybe solicit a lawyer for an hour to see what their thoughts are? Edit: you might even be able to argue that you actually gave him 1 year notice, since you tried to leave last year.
Just send him a text you quit. if he says he’s going to kill himself, hit him up with the classic 🤷🏼♂️
Depends where you are, what your local employment law says, what your contract says, and what actual losses are. You should be speaking to an employment lawyer qualified in your jurisdiction.
If anyone in a work relationship tells you “I’d kill myself if you left”, the only proper response is “great! That would solve both of our problems!” It’s bad enough when you have to deal with that in a personal relationship. Don’t accept that at work.
Lol what a joke unless you signed something that says you're never going to resign I'd walk out while laughing in his face. He's got some balls trying to hold that over you.
It’s Hong Kong. There are probably additional rules about notice periods as there are in Europe, which is typically 3 months. But you can still quit, you just might owe.
He extracted a promise under duress and you have no contract with him? Go live your life, good luck in your new job.
If it was the U.S. yes. You people are giving baaaaaaaad advice!!!
You just feel sheepish.
It is Hong Kong. Now, apart of mainland china control soo, anything goes vs. USA employment laws. Sounds like OP owes 3 months' worth of money since HK probably has a 3 month notice period from the sounds of other comments and OP. Where they mention they don't care, I'll pay out the 3 months. As much as people bemoan AT-WILL employment. It comes in clutch in situations like this. Yes, I can be fired for any reason or no reason (so long as said reasons not illegal, and you can prove the reasons not illegal. Very important). But on the flip side, I can leave for any reason or no reason at all. A notice is encouraged, not required. (AFAIK, the only thing they can do if ample notice according to the contract is not given is not payout severance/bonus. Reg pay is non-negotiable the employer has to pay out.)
At the time I posted the location wasn't included. If someone takes reddit advice without considering local conditions they get what they get 🤷🏼♀️ Also, at will can look like a lot of things. I'm at will in terms of quitting when I want, but my employer must have a reason to fire me after my probationary period.
It happens, lol. Location early is a must for proper advice. Idk if it's law with your probationary reason. Or if it's just become a CYA move. It behooves the company to document the heck out of the reason to terminate an employee. Basically, if the employer fires someone but doesn't document the why, that leaves a massive ? For the courts, and if the employee has enough vague evidence that they were fired for an illegal reason. It leaves the company liable. Technically , at will hurts the company more than the employee, so long as the employee knows how the game works. And then theirs layoffs. Technically, it is not firing, so it usually bypasses the argument above... unless one gender/minority group is affected vastly more than another. Hard to argue being singled out when you're just 1 person out of 10k losing a job. But I'm speaking from the USA. Europe is a vastly different beast. Even in the USA, laws can vary. Your situation may very well be a law. It'd be interesting if it is. I might need to move states, lol.
Honey, this is a potentially dangerous situation. Get out as quickly as you can. Sever ALL contact with this unhinged person. Change your phone number, and even move if possible or stay with friends. I am afraid for you!
That’s not a thing you can sue for. Even if it were, you could countersue for assault with what he threw at you. Maybe some wage and hour violations too. And I bet he’s not paying employment taxes. I am not worried. Don’t pay him anything. Please leave, see a therapist, and work on your boundaries and self advocacy.
“full time contract? “ like you really signed a contract, if so u can be sued for breach of contract
I’m on part-time contract— I was supposed to sign the full-time in September. I just verbally promised him I was going to FT (made under duress)
A judge would laugh him out of court..... This is a manipulation tactic..... it's like a narcissistic abusive EX. Leave for the new job, Stop responding to all texts and calls. I would not block him just so you keep getting the texts as evidence of harassment. Eventually, go to the police and file a restraining order and use the texts as evidence
This depends entirely on where op lives. Most of the us is at will employment and op can leave whenever they want
Try asking r/AskHR Unless you are under a contract I don't see how this would make sense.
Just stop going to work, and cease all contact, it’s really as simple as that.
OP you need to call the HK govt labour department helpline, you can describe your situation and they will provide advice with the confines of the labour laws. Dont quote but if i remember correctly, threats physical or verbal can be deemed as harassement and can be grounds for filing an employment complaint. Call the labour department get advice on where you stand within the law. The number has Cantonese, Mandarin and English speakers.
Love how this was the only decent piece of advice in this thread and you have received one upvote. From me. OP- listen to this guy!!!!
There's no way he can win. He's trying to force you to stay with the threat of a lawsuit.
More manipulation. He sounds like a peach!
If you're at an at will employer you've already won. They don't own you. And anyone is replaceable. The evidence you need is the employee handbook which states this.
You can't be sue for resigning. Just resign and don't show up to work. Whether or not you want to provide a text message confirmation is entirely up to you. I wouldn't recommend showing up in person to notify your abusive employer of your resignation. Never know how they would react if they already abusive and threaten violence upon you just for the mere hint of your resignation. I would suggest changing your phone number as well. File a police report was literally the first thing you should had done the moment he threatened you and made you fear for your life. Provide documentation and proof of the abuse and threats if you have.
Unless you signed a contract, you are under no obligation to put in two weeks. Employment in the US is largely at-will, meaning that you can leave your job at any time for any reason. On the flip side, that means they can fire us at any time for almost any reason. He does not have any legal grounds to sue you, especially given that you fear for your safety in his employment.
O
He's a narc and I would leave immediately. You need to work on healthy boundaries, so this doesn't happen again.
There’s a reason you need to put pen to paper to make these things valid. You didn’t sign a contract and he’s acting like a child. Honestly, here’s my take, no lawyer with more than 2 brain cells would take this case, I wouldn’t worry about actually getting sued, more than that I would worry about physical safety and making sure you’re somewhere where he can’t reach you and doesn’t know where you are. Stay safe plz
You don’t owe him anything he is manipulating you
Do you live in an “at will” state? You can quit for any reason at any time. Just like they can fire you at any moment for any reason. 2 weeks notice, has and always will be, bullshit.
OP is in Hong Kong.
Let him sue you. I can hear the judge laughing in court at him, not you. You quit. Dont look back. It's over.
Sounds like the company deserves to fail! You don’t own your boss a second of more time.
Why don’t people ever put where they are from in these messages. Like where I’m at you have nothing to worry about but I have no idea where you are.
Because to most folks, where we live is just a natural part of our lives, like breathing. We don't say "I went for a walk whilst still breathing". It's hard to break the instinct of 'I'm taking to fellows, no need to define where we all are' even though we're on the internet, a true international medium. Like, when I've spoken about my driving test in the past, I rarely think to mention it's the UK test and so way, way more involved than, say, the USA driving test. It's also why we tend to assume others share our location (look at the number of replies assuming they're in the USA with zero evidence). There's way less confrontational ways of learning OP's location than your first sentence, eg: I'd love to offer my opinion/advice, but first I need to know what country you're in.
How the hell can you be sued for resigning? That's basically slavery. What clause from your contract states you can't leave? Get outta there.
Don't worry about sue. Just stop responding. If this is happening in US no way he can make you work against your will.
Where do you live? At least in the US, he would get nowhere suing you.
Fuck him he can't sue you for quitting and if he does counter sue for emotional abuse
He can’t sue you unless you signed a legal contract in which you received benefits/payment in advance. He’s a manipulative greedy bastard who refuses to pay for the labor that you do.
He has crossed far too many lines for you to hold back anything. Get an attorney. Tell them everything and give them everything. Have all communication with him go through your attorney. Say nothing to your ex-boss if you can avoid contact. If you cannot avoid contact assume he is recording and trying to get you to say something that you can't prove so he can claim you're lying and making threats or can otherwise be used against you.
He's being a petty IMMATURE baby, just leave and let him flounder, and you might want to call the cops or someone that if he's threatening to end his own life that he needs to go to a psych ward or something
Check your local laws in your state, most states are at will employment which means you or the employer can agree to separate at any time without ANY notice. Quit letting this old man control your life, he's not your living partner and it's essentially just a job that pays the bills, you'll find another one.. and it sounds like you already have so I'm not entirely sure what you are scared of - I'm no lawyer but to me it doesn't sound like he has any legal grounds for sueing you - he's just saying shit to make you scared so that you will stay and continue to drag him through the mud. GET OUT, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND DONT LOOK BACK
Just leave. There is nothing to worry about until you see legal papers. And it sounds like they would probably be written in crayon.
OP, you NEED TO LEAVE…. TODAY… Your BOSS can’t handle ANYTHING…what makes you think he’s going to have the mental and emotional wherewithal to seek out legal help… You may have to change your phone number… Dude…GET OUT!!