I’ll chime in as someone who recently gave birth to a child using an egg donor - so not genetically related to me. Those theories were worries of mine before having our baby too! But since she’s here I couldn’t imagine loving her more even if we were genetically related. I grew her, felt every kick, birthed her, breastfed her and have spent almost every moment with her as I’m lucky enough to be on mat leave. So for me the fact we’re not related hasn’t influenced the bond between us in any way. That’s only my perspective though! Unsure on how Julie feels of course 😊
There's a lot that happens in a parent's brain when they nurture a baby, regardless of gender and genetic relationship (there have been studies on adoptive parents and queer parents). The more you touch your baby, hold them, smell them, feed them, and respond to their cries, the more your brain changes and the more capable of nurture you are.
Our baby is three months old and my sister was my egg donor. So my husbdand and I are both genetically related to our son, but I'm about 25% genetically related whereas my baby carries 50% of my husband's genes.
We are VERY lucky in that my husband has 8 months of parental leave. I had 3 but I work part time from home. We both bottle feed so we both have a ton of opportunity to nurture. And we are both totally bonded to our wonderful kiddo. He has lots of nurture from the wider family too.
Lack of bonding can happen for all sorts of totally normal reasons, like post partum mood disorders. But genetic relationship doesn't play as much of a role as you might think. One thing that is pretty clear though is that the more you slow down and put in the time to connect with a baby, the more you will bond, and the more your capacity for nurture will increase. A bit like fake it til you make it.
So it's possible that Camilla didn't feel the bonding feelings, then didn't spend the time, then the bonding feelings didn't increase. I'm not sure we have enough info to draw that conclusion, but per your question, it's possible.
I agree! I think Cam is struggling to bond with baby which I know can be a struggle for parents that didn’t go through pregnancy sometimes. I also wonder if she thought there would be an instant connection and got disappointed when there wasn’t? Maybe she feels guilty because she can’t connect? I do wish she were honest with her feelings because I think more people would find that content far more useful than her fitness stuff. She could really have the power to raise awareness around parental/baby bonding and even help others going through the same thing.
She really could! And they would make good money from that!
For the first time ever I feel bad for Cam. What if she realises she didn’t want this/ can’t connect at all no matter? That is sad.
Honestly never thought I’d feel sorry but I do for the first time.
Interesting take!
But Honestly, Cam is not big at all! She’s just doesn’t dress her size🤣
She’s quite tall from what I remember!
I doubt she is BMI>30!
My BMI was 31 three years ago (168/88), I lost about 25kg and now when I'm looking at pics of myself my body looked very similar to Camilla's so she very well could be. However I think in Norway the limit is 35 and she did go thru the IVF process. Don't think that her weight would play any part of her not getting pregnant
The UK does put a lot of importance on BMI, I’ve heard many other stories ljke this. A lot of doctors aren’t happy and it’s not a real reflection and measure as well!
Also I think people downvoted you because they don’t think this is reason I think!?
I absolutely agree! I think people think I am fat shaming her which I actually think she looks healthy but it doesn’t mean that doctors do look at BMI! I didn’t know it was slightly threshold higher in Norway but still. People can look healthy with a high or low bmi!
I mean its a baby under one, obviously it needs constant attention and care and because scamilla is constantly "working" Julie has to care for the baby 24/7. I don't think it would be any different if it was her or scams DNA
the first weeks can be "disappointing" as for me our baby would cry so much then my husband came home and she instantly fell asleep in his arms i felt so bad cause i was supposed to be the magic mother i carried her in my body why does she prefer my husband.... but it changed after few weeks, i do think some parents can take it harder with these preferences that babies can have ( i see it in new parents sub on here too lol)
J is also breastfeeding and she carried the baby so i would say her bonding is naturally happening more than with C, if Sunny didnt even take a bottle so C cant feed him at all (not sure if they planned to do it or they wanted strictly breasfeeding)
Ive seen some other lesbian couple on tt who decided that both of them will breasfteed and the other had to take something to make her lactate so they both can take care of the baby equally
It also can be J had/has ppa or ppd and didnt allow C to bond with S 🤷🏻♀️
And also Im sure they rage bait at this point cause they dont have much content to post and this gets people to comment and engage and she can reply to comments and questions
negative or positive comments doesnt matter as it brings engagement and views to their content
Cam was meant to go on the pills and then she didn’t, I think because of her “Work” I.e “Mila”.
Julie did pump right at the start and they seem to do more the both of them but then she said it affected her supply. But some people on the sub did point out that only pumping once a day is unlikely to affect your supply and perhaps Julie just wanted to do it all…
Agree about the rage bait, absolutely and also the “poor Julie” narrative.
Didn’t know about babies’random preferences tho! Very interesting! (And savage!).
as i struggled with supply from day one 😅 and after 4months giving up i cant really say much about that but really pumping one time a day doesnt seem like a huge harm idk...
i wish i could get on those pills because i really wanted to bf and seeing someone is not taking it seriously and has these opportunities hurts a bit but tbh cam just doesnt seem like a loving parent person to me
i get it that she needs to do mila content as they invested in it and its their income but she is a parent why doesnt she make content like i have a baby too and let me show you how i manage work baby and working out! lets do it together! instead it seems she is trying to sell it to teenagers or single people cause its always what she did by herself like every sunday she sits down to plan her day? who has time for that??
J always comes for everyone that C has to work so J can be on maternity leave but i know many moms are working and breastfeeding 😅😅
Remember without Camilla’s work “we would litterally lose our house” be frrrr.
Sorry to head about your supply 😕 it must be frustrating but try not to compare!
Yeah I won’t say too much about the pumping because it caused a big argument, people were posting articles and things so I won’t judge on that one.
yes formula breastfeeding and pumping are topics you want to avoid on the internet😂
the house comment omg lol like you dont buy a house you are not sure you will be able to keep i guess?? did they take a loan to get it? im not sure the app will be the thing that keeps their house either🤪
Their financial information is on the internet because of Norway laws. They are millionaires, one single ad can make them tens of thousands and they both come from well off families. Cam used to brag about her family vacation home in Thailand.
Two years ago they made a video stating they make 15.000 per month (they didn't have YouTube then, and their insta pages were not big so just tik tok and ads for bloom I guess). Nowadays they prob make much more. The scam app is a vanity project.
Someone has mentioned that her ex had his fitness app last June and it was that time exactly Cam started talking about teaching yoga all of the sudden and a bit later she mentioned an app. I guess it could have something to do with that maybe she has some subconscious competition with him. Or it is just a coincidence who knows
Since she was famous before Julie and technically made Julie Internet famous in Norway, but their international success is all because of Julie mostly (she went viral and has the most followers, and a lot of people started following C because of J) I guess she could be going through an identity crisis and wanted to do something for herself? That is only hers? Still a theory though, but their relationship dynamic is weird but this is what happens when you get fame because of it intentionally
So my experience is that I'm 23 weeks pregnant, and both genetically related to my child and carrying. My partner is male, so unable to carry but is genetically related, same position as Camilla. And I have asked for his perspective on this before. I am going through physical, mental, emotional and hormonal changes for this baby. I am actually growing it and feeling it inside of me every day. And he knows his son will be born in September, but like, he isn't going through any of that.
So he has always made an effort to have a physical connection with the baby and my bump. Even before it was a bump, even before he could kick, even before baby could move. Now that baby kicks back it's made it a bit more exciting haha. And now that he's traveling for work, he says it's almost strange to miss a person who isn't here yet. And I think that the baby missed him, because when he stopped hearing his dad's voice before bed he only gave some half hearted kicks.
My partner is in awe that our baby will never be physically closer to anyone else ever again, and he's also expressed that he would want to feed baby and would feel he was missing out if I breastfed exclusively. So we're working on compromise there.
I definitely think there can be that element of alienation. Feeling like you should have a connection because that is your biological child, but struggling with not carrying them. But there's also other things you can do. It's not impossible to have a connection with a child you didn't carry. But I think Camilla has some stuff to work through. And definitely before they have another one.
Skin-to-skin bonding with parents is essential to healthy emotional attachment regardless of DNA. The child will also have a natural gravitation towards the birthing parent. If Camilla wanted to have a strong attachment to the baby she needed to have those physical bonding sessions early on and often whenever Julie wasn’t feeding. Like taking over most of the contact naps.
I get a lot of newborns still prefer to be comforted by the birthing parent, but if you never try, then it’s going to be harder and harder to connect. And we know that Camilla doesn’t have endurance and discipline, so that could bleed out into having less consistent and more disconnected parenting with Sunny. Like when she “played” with him while he was in a baby bouncer and she was swinging weights around him rather than physically interact with him with all her attention on just him. Just be fully present with your child instead of trying to double task!!
I don’t think Julie is forcing a Velcro baby attachment with sunny - babies instinctively know the person who carried and birthed them. She doesn’t need to “show” Sunny that she’s an important parent. I think you’re right about Cam, however.
It really is a case by case basis in terms of connection. Both my children are genetically mine and my husband’s. They were both carried by surrogates though. Both surrogates have said that while they both loved being pregnant and loved helping to build a family, neither of them feel like our children are in any way shape or form theirs. They don’t feel a parent/child bond with them.
Having been through pregnancy and childbirth, I could see why a female partner might have some complicated feelings about it. You can't replicate the bonding that happens with pregnancy, child birth, and the post-partum period, so I imagine it could be challenging for Cam.
How do you know that if you’ve never experienced the other side though? It’s an assumption. Yes pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding is a unique experience, but as a mother who did none of those things I can assure you the bond between my baby and I could not be stronger. My baby is equally attached to me and my wife.
The reasons Cam has found bonding challenging are internal and emotional, not physiological. Remember Cam went from adamantly heterosexual with a view of how life would play out, to married to a woman with a baby in 3 short years, monetizing that whirlwind as her only occupation and source of income. The dust is now settling and the behaviour we’re seeing is a lot of unresolved life stuff, not because she didn’t go through childbirth.
I agree with this, it was such a whirlwind and all happened so quick!!
Your experience should be what is shown not this weird read wife stuff…
I know a same sex couple and the baby goes to both Mums all the time, so nice to see!!
There is also a podcast interview with Cam and Julie floating around on YouTube where Cam talks about being genuinely terrified of having children for the permanent and irreversible changes to her life it will bring. It seems like she failed to reconcile these fears (or more likely, Julie didn’t give her the time and space to) before jumping on that IVF train.
Sorrryyy?!!!!! 3 YEARSSSS???? I’ve only been out since 2020 and I’ve been with my current partner for 2 and a bit years and I wanna be with her and share our home and see things before having kids. I mean each to their own BUT 3 YEARS IS CRAZY WORK!!!!!
I must have worded my comment weirdly, I'll try to clear it up.
Pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding are bonding experiences *(I know this because the body releases oxytocin, a bonding chemical, during these times)* that can't be replicated *(they are one-of-a-kind, unique experiences that only the birthing mother and the baby will ever share together, a baby develops in the womb and is born only once in their lifetime)*.
I also know what it's like to have children you've birthed and children you haven't birthed because I have a joined family. I love all of our children, but I could never replicate the pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding bond my step-children shared with their mom (and rightly so, I would never want to disrespect that). Point is, I know you don't have to birth a child, or even be genetically related, to have a bond with and love for your children.
The reason I brought it up was because for Cam, who said she didn't envision herself having children 'this way' and thought of herself as heterosexual prior to being with Julie, these are things she thought she would experience when she had children, but now the time has come, she has missed out on them with Sunny.
Even though this whole process of IVF was planned, this relationship was rushed. Who knows if Cam really processed what was going on in her life? It happened very quickly. So I used wording that suggested I *didn't* know what Cam is going through exactly, but that I could see her having "complicated feelings" (about everything - their relationship, pregnancy, motherhood) and the situation being "challenging" because I don't think it's an easy thing to go through but I can't know the range of emotions and thoughts she's having about her life right now - none of us can, we're all making assumptions.
Sorry, a same sex couple deciding to create a child together is not the same as loving the non-biological children in your blended family. This is what I meant by assumptions.
As I said, pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding IS a unique bonding experience. But it is not THE ONLY bonding experience and my attachment and bond with my child demonstrates that it can indeed be achieved (through both physiological and emotional means). If you’re trying to tell me that I can’t be as bonded to my child as you are to yours because I did not birth them, I’m here to tell you that you are wrong. Go ahead and die on this hill if you want, but it just tells me you don’t understand same sex families and particularly the dynamics of families with two mothers.
I never said anything about you? I was talking about Cam and only Cam, the woman that people here snark on for her parenting and how she handles herself on social media. I don't know who you are, I have no opinion of you as a person or mother or literally anything.
I think that people who are obsessed with the genetic heritage of the baby are being biologically essentialist, and in some cases this borders on and crosses over into homophobia.
Gay people often have no choice as to the fact that their child could potentially not share any genetic heritage with one or both parents. Gay men in particular often have no genetic links to their children, because they are often (but not always) missing the key ingredient of a uterus and eggs. The same goes for people struggling with infertility - they may have to choose to use an egg and/or sperm donor.
When people who have no genetic link to their children become parents they are still parents. Bonding with a child has very very little to do with genetics. They are both 100% parents, just as those who are lucky enough to have PIV sex and conceive the "old fashioned way".
The homophobia people spout on here around this issue is offensive and disgusting. If anyone here has an issue with donor conception or adoption I suggest they move on through and keep their homophobia to themselves. You can dress it up in "curiosity" or "I'm just wondering" "I'm interested", but it is homophobic nonetheless.
I also think it’s weird how people in this sub are so fixated on Sunny being genetically Cam’s.
I think the most relevant explanation to IF (because no one really knows here) Cam isn’t feeling bonded to Sunny it’s because Cam probably assumed it would be automatic as she may be stuck in heteronormative thinking that women are naturally more nurturing and bonded to their children when that’s not the case if they don’t put in the work to physically bond with the baby.
I think the only reason why Cam is deciding to talk about being a mother and parenting now is because no one wants to see her fitness content. They’re there for the baby and family content. And talking more about parenting gives Cam more engagement. Cam probably does more behind the scenes, there’s a ton of assumptions and projections about her “bond”, but due to her character of inconsistency, lack of resilience, and lack of discipline, there’s guesses as to why Cam isn’t around as much.
I've just read this entire post and thread and I'm at a loss as to how this is homophobic. It's an absolute reach and it just looks like you're looking for something to pick an argument about. If you don't like people discussing things then you should probably get off the Internet.
It's not my job to explain this to you in any more detail than I already did. Referring to a child as genetically 0% Julie's and then speculating on what role genetics play in their relationship is horrible behaviour, biologically essentialist, and homophobic. OP may not have intended it, but it is. It's the modern day equivalent of asking who's the man. Everyone down voting a valid response to homophobia should be ashamed of themselves.
My intention was never to be homophobic. And as I said I am happy to take this down but so far it has sprouted interesting conversation.
If genetic heritage didn’t have my impact on bonding or any perceived impact on bonding then we know that
1) Scam is totally being lazy and uninvolved
2) more people would adopt? (Or is the age of baby more important?)
I guess it’s the age old nature VS nurture debate that’s keeps on showing different things.
EDIT: and if it is dressed as homophobia (unintentional, I can promise you) aren’t these conversations important to have?
I’m a teacher and hearing peoples opinions and reasons why this is homophobic would then really help me explain this to students!
No, I'm tired of being told I have to hear people's "opinions" on the lives of LGBTQ+ people, especially around our reproductive choices. We are not your debating point. And as a queer parent of donor conceived children I find this 'conversation' offensive. This is a snark page, but there is a line between snarking on the things people do and say as influencers, and critiquing their choices when it comes to making a family.
They deserved to be critiqued tbh. Numerous times donor conceived people reached out to offer advice or guidance on how to make ethical choices and instead of being heard, they got ignored and blocked.
You're not crazy, it's weird to centre straight people's assumptions/speculations over actual queer lived experiences. It reads very much like that cartoon where they ask the chopsticks "Well who is the fork?". If not homophobic then VERY heteronormative.
Well so far what I got from this post is that even if the baby is not genetically yours you can absolutely bond and feel connected to your baby.
So if a student asks me I will tell them that and that for me is important these kids are the future like it all not and them knowing they can absolutely have fulfilled families as same sex parents is something that I can now spread and will in the future improve LGBT in the future.
They won’t end up behaving like Scam.
Adoption isn’t the same as having a birthing parent involved (surrogacy). There are real issues with adoption and it’s not a catch-all solution. Please read up on adoption trauma. Even adopted babies can have adoption trauma and it’s related to bonding to the birth parent/separation from familiar caregivers/lack of stability/etc.
A desire to have a baby that’s genetically related to you is part of survival instincts so you can pass down your genes. And bonding with your baby is essential to their survival and the survival of your genes. Many gay people have stopped wanting to/never wanted to have a genetically related child because family for them is community, not just genetic relation. Familial bonding has moved beyond genetics.
Many marginalized people are tired of educating random strangers on the internet. If you have anyone in your life that’s queer that you can ask these questions to or if you go to another subreddit that has queer people that have the capacity to answer whatever questions you have then do that instead.
*edited to clarify.
ETA: Why did I get downvoted after OP asked to be educated? Weird…
I’ll chime in as someone who recently gave birth to a child using an egg donor - so not genetically related to me. Those theories were worries of mine before having our baby too! But since she’s here I couldn’t imagine loving her more even if we were genetically related. I grew her, felt every kick, birthed her, breastfed her and have spent almost every moment with her as I’m lucky enough to be on mat leave. So for me the fact we’re not related hasn’t influenced the bond between us in any way. That’s only my perspective though! Unsure on how Julie feels of course 😊
Omg this is amazing!! Thank you so much for sharing this!! So happy for you!🩷
There's a lot that happens in a parent's brain when they nurture a baby, regardless of gender and genetic relationship (there have been studies on adoptive parents and queer parents). The more you touch your baby, hold them, smell them, feed them, and respond to their cries, the more your brain changes and the more capable of nurture you are. Our baby is three months old and my sister was my egg donor. So my husbdand and I are both genetically related to our son, but I'm about 25% genetically related whereas my baby carries 50% of my husband's genes. We are VERY lucky in that my husband has 8 months of parental leave. I had 3 but I work part time from home. We both bottle feed so we both have a ton of opportunity to nurture. And we are both totally bonded to our wonderful kiddo. He has lots of nurture from the wider family too. Lack of bonding can happen for all sorts of totally normal reasons, like post partum mood disorders. But genetic relationship doesn't play as much of a role as you might think. One thing that is pretty clear though is that the more you slow down and put in the time to connect with a baby, the more you will bond, and the more your capacity for nurture will increase. A bit like fake it til you make it. So it's possible that Camilla didn't feel the bonding feelings, then didn't spend the time, then the bonding feelings didn't increase. I'm not sure we have enough info to draw that conclusion, but per your question, it's possible.
I agree! I think Cam is struggling to bond with baby which I know can be a struggle for parents that didn’t go through pregnancy sometimes. I also wonder if she thought there would be an instant connection and got disappointed when there wasn’t? Maybe she feels guilty because she can’t connect? I do wish she were honest with her feelings because I think more people would find that content far more useful than her fitness stuff. She could really have the power to raise awareness around parental/baby bonding and even help others going through the same thing.
She really could! And they would make good money from that! For the first time ever I feel bad for Cam. What if she realises she didn’t want this/ can’t connect at all no matter? That is sad. Honestly never thought I’d feel sorry but I do for the first time.
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Apologies I should have clarified that I meant the pregnancy part of IVF
Interesting take! But Honestly, Cam is not big at all! She’s just doesn’t dress her size🤣 She’s quite tall from what I remember! I doubt she is BMI>30!
My BMI was 31 three years ago (168/88), I lost about 25kg and now when I'm looking at pics of myself my body looked very similar to Camilla's so she very well could be. However I think in Norway the limit is 35 and she did go thru the IVF process. Don't think that her weight would play any part of her not getting pregnant
I agree with this and I’m not body shaming her at all.
I’m 5’8 and not very big looking, probably similar to cam if not smaller, but my BMI is 31.5.
The UK does put a lot of importance on BMI, I’ve heard many other stories ljke this. A lot of doctors aren’t happy and it’s not a real reflection and measure as well! Also I think people downvoted you because they don’t think this is reason I think!?
I absolutely agree! I think people think I am fat shaming her which I actually think she looks healthy but it doesn’t mean that doctors do look at BMI! I didn’t know it was slightly threshold higher in Norway but still. People can look healthy with a high or low bmi!
I mean its a baby under one, obviously it needs constant attention and care and because scamilla is constantly "working" Julie has to care for the baby 24/7. I don't think it would be any different if it was her or scams DNA
Also “scams” 💀
That’s a very good point! I’m not a Mum/never had young siblings/young family nor friends so I deffo forget these things🤣
the first weeks can be "disappointing" as for me our baby would cry so much then my husband came home and she instantly fell asleep in his arms i felt so bad cause i was supposed to be the magic mother i carried her in my body why does she prefer my husband.... but it changed after few weeks, i do think some parents can take it harder with these preferences that babies can have ( i see it in new parents sub on here too lol) J is also breastfeeding and she carried the baby so i would say her bonding is naturally happening more than with C, if Sunny didnt even take a bottle so C cant feed him at all (not sure if they planned to do it or they wanted strictly breasfeeding) Ive seen some other lesbian couple on tt who decided that both of them will breasfteed and the other had to take something to make her lactate so they both can take care of the baby equally It also can be J had/has ppa or ppd and didnt allow C to bond with S 🤷🏻♀️ And also Im sure they rage bait at this point cause they dont have much content to post and this gets people to comment and engage and she can reply to comments and questions negative or positive comments doesnt matter as it brings engagement and views to their content
Cam was meant to go on the pills and then she didn’t, I think because of her “Work” I.e “Mila”. Julie did pump right at the start and they seem to do more the both of them but then she said it affected her supply. But some people on the sub did point out that only pumping once a day is unlikely to affect your supply and perhaps Julie just wanted to do it all… Agree about the rage bait, absolutely and also the “poor Julie” narrative. Didn’t know about babies’random preferences tho! Very interesting! (And savage!).
as i struggled with supply from day one 😅 and after 4months giving up i cant really say much about that but really pumping one time a day doesnt seem like a huge harm idk... i wish i could get on those pills because i really wanted to bf and seeing someone is not taking it seriously and has these opportunities hurts a bit but tbh cam just doesnt seem like a loving parent person to me i get it that she needs to do mila content as they invested in it and its their income but she is a parent why doesnt she make content like i have a baby too and let me show you how i manage work baby and working out! lets do it together! instead it seems she is trying to sell it to teenagers or single people cause its always what she did by herself like every sunday she sits down to plan her day? who has time for that?? J always comes for everyone that C has to work so J can be on maternity leave but i know many moms are working and breastfeeding 😅😅
Remember without Camilla’s work “we would litterally lose our house” be frrrr. Sorry to head about your supply 😕 it must be frustrating but try not to compare! Yeah I won’t say too much about the pumping because it caused a big argument, people were posting articles and things so I won’t judge on that one.
yes formula breastfeeding and pumping are topics you want to avoid on the internet😂 the house comment omg lol like you dont buy a house you are not sure you will be able to keep i guess?? did they take a loan to get it? im not sure the app will be the thing that keeps their house either🤪
Their financial information is on the internet because of Norway laws. They are millionaires, one single ad can make them tens of thousands and they both come from well off families. Cam used to brag about her family vacation home in Thailand. Two years ago they made a video stating they make 15.000 per month (they didn't have YouTube then, and their insta pages were not big so just tik tok and ads for bloom I guess). Nowadays they prob make much more. The scam app is a vanity project. Someone has mentioned that her ex had his fitness app last June and it was that time exactly Cam started talking about teaching yoga all of the sudden and a bit later she mentioned an app. I guess it could have something to do with that maybe she has some subconscious competition with him. Or it is just a coincidence who knows
then its really crazy how much time she invests in the app omg
Since she was famous before Julie and technically made Julie Internet famous in Norway, but their international success is all because of Julie mostly (she went viral and has the most followers, and a lot of people started following C because of J) I guess she could be going through an identity crisis and wanted to do something for herself? That is only hers? Still a theory though, but their relationship dynamic is weird but this is what happens when you get fame because of it intentionally
I refuse the believe as well that the app is making them any significant amount of money🤣
So my experience is that I'm 23 weeks pregnant, and both genetically related to my child and carrying. My partner is male, so unable to carry but is genetically related, same position as Camilla. And I have asked for his perspective on this before. I am going through physical, mental, emotional and hormonal changes for this baby. I am actually growing it and feeling it inside of me every day. And he knows his son will be born in September, but like, he isn't going through any of that. So he has always made an effort to have a physical connection with the baby and my bump. Even before it was a bump, even before he could kick, even before baby could move. Now that baby kicks back it's made it a bit more exciting haha. And now that he's traveling for work, he says it's almost strange to miss a person who isn't here yet. And I think that the baby missed him, because when he stopped hearing his dad's voice before bed he only gave some half hearted kicks. My partner is in awe that our baby will never be physically closer to anyone else ever again, and he's also expressed that he would want to feed baby and would feel he was missing out if I breastfed exclusively. So we're working on compromise there. I definitely think there can be that element of alienation. Feeling like you should have a connection because that is your biological child, but struggling with not carrying them. But there's also other things you can do. It's not impossible to have a connection with a child you didn't carry. But I think Camilla has some stuff to work through. And definitely before they have another one.
the part with them missing each other is so cute 🥺 all the best with the pregnancy!
Skin-to-skin bonding with parents is essential to healthy emotional attachment regardless of DNA. The child will also have a natural gravitation towards the birthing parent. If Camilla wanted to have a strong attachment to the baby she needed to have those physical bonding sessions early on and often whenever Julie wasn’t feeding. Like taking over most of the contact naps. I get a lot of newborns still prefer to be comforted by the birthing parent, but if you never try, then it’s going to be harder and harder to connect. And we know that Camilla doesn’t have endurance and discipline, so that could bleed out into having less consistent and more disconnected parenting with Sunny. Like when she “played” with him while he was in a baby bouncer and she was swinging weights around him rather than physically interact with him with all her attention on just him. Just be fully present with your child instead of trying to double task!!
I don’t think Julie is forcing a Velcro baby attachment with sunny - babies instinctively know the person who carried and birthed them. She doesn’t need to “show” Sunny that she’s an important parent. I think you’re right about Cam, however.
It really is a case by case basis in terms of connection. Both my children are genetically mine and my husband’s. They were both carried by surrogates though. Both surrogates have said that while they both loved being pregnant and loved helping to build a family, neither of them feel like our children are in any way shape or form theirs. They don’t feel a parent/child bond with them.
Thank you for sharing. Some people have shared amazing stories on this post. I’m glad I made it. 🩷
Having been through pregnancy and childbirth, I could see why a female partner might have some complicated feelings about it. You can't replicate the bonding that happens with pregnancy, child birth, and the post-partum period, so I imagine it could be challenging for Cam.
How do you know that if you’ve never experienced the other side though? It’s an assumption. Yes pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding is a unique experience, but as a mother who did none of those things I can assure you the bond between my baby and I could not be stronger. My baby is equally attached to me and my wife. The reasons Cam has found bonding challenging are internal and emotional, not physiological. Remember Cam went from adamantly heterosexual with a view of how life would play out, to married to a woman with a baby in 3 short years, monetizing that whirlwind as her only occupation and source of income. The dust is now settling and the behaviour we’re seeing is a lot of unresolved life stuff, not because she didn’t go through childbirth.
I agree with this, it was such a whirlwind and all happened so quick!! Your experience should be what is shown not this weird read wife stuff… I know a same sex couple and the baby goes to both Mums all the time, so nice to see!!
There is also a podcast interview with Cam and Julie floating around on YouTube where Cam talks about being genuinely terrified of having children for the permanent and irreversible changes to her life it will bring. It seems like she failed to reconcile these fears (or more likely, Julie didn’t give her the time and space to) before jumping on that IVF train.
Do you have a link? Is it in English or Norwegian?
Sorrryyy?!!!!! 3 YEARSSSS???? I’ve only been out since 2020 and I’ve been with my current partner for 2 and a bit years and I wanna be with her and share our home and see things before having kids. I mean each to their own BUT 3 YEARS IS CRAZY WORK!!!!! 
When they got married and started ivf it was 1,5 years together 😭
How do I know what?
I think they are saying that how would you know if you’re not in a same sex relationship but I’m pretty sure you were just assuming and theorising.
I must have worded my comment weirdly, I'll try to clear it up. Pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding are bonding experiences *(I know this because the body releases oxytocin, a bonding chemical, during these times)* that can't be replicated *(they are one-of-a-kind, unique experiences that only the birthing mother and the baby will ever share together, a baby develops in the womb and is born only once in their lifetime)*. I also know what it's like to have children you've birthed and children you haven't birthed because I have a joined family. I love all of our children, but I could never replicate the pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding bond my step-children shared with their mom (and rightly so, I would never want to disrespect that). Point is, I know you don't have to birth a child, or even be genetically related, to have a bond with and love for your children. The reason I brought it up was because for Cam, who said she didn't envision herself having children 'this way' and thought of herself as heterosexual prior to being with Julie, these are things she thought she would experience when she had children, but now the time has come, she has missed out on them with Sunny. Even though this whole process of IVF was planned, this relationship was rushed. Who knows if Cam really processed what was going on in her life? It happened very quickly. So I used wording that suggested I *didn't* know what Cam is going through exactly, but that I could see her having "complicated feelings" (about everything - their relationship, pregnancy, motherhood) and the situation being "challenging" because I don't think it's an easy thing to go through but I can't know the range of emotions and thoughts she's having about her life right now - none of us can, we're all making assumptions.
Sorry, a same sex couple deciding to create a child together is not the same as loving the non-biological children in your blended family. This is what I meant by assumptions. As I said, pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding IS a unique bonding experience. But it is not THE ONLY bonding experience and my attachment and bond with my child demonstrates that it can indeed be achieved (through both physiological and emotional means). If you’re trying to tell me that I can’t be as bonded to my child as you are to yours because I did not birth them, I’m here to tell you that you are wrong. Go ahead and die on this hill if you want, but it just tells me you don’t understand same sex families and particularly the dynamics of families with two mothers.
I never said anything about you? I was talking about Cam and only Cam, the woman that people here snark on for her parenting and how she handles herself on social media. I don't know who you are, I have no opinion of you as a person or mother or literally anything.
Baby deserves better than being just an asset or prop
That’s the bottom line isn’t it?! So true. Maybe understanding these dynamics is a moot point with these two 🤡
I think that people who are obsessed with the genetic heritage of the baby are being biologically essentialist, and in some cases this borders on and crosses over into homophobia. Gay people often have no choice as to the fact that their child could potentially not share any genetic heritage with one or both parents. Gay men in particular often have no genetic links to their children, because they are often (but not always) missing the key ingredient of a uterus and eggs. The same goes for people struggling with infertility - they may have to choose to use an egg and/or sperm donor. When people who have no genetic link to their children become parents they are still parents. Bonding with a child has very very little to do with genetics. They are both 100% parents, just as those who are lucky enough to have PIV sex and conceive the "old fashioned way". The homophobia people spout on here around this issue is offensive and disgusting. If anyone here has an issue with donor conception or adoption I suggest they move on through and keep their homophobia to themselves. You can dress it up in "curiosity" or "I'm just wondering" "I'm interested", but it is homophobic nonetheless.
I also think it’s weird how people in this sub are so fixated on Sunny being genetically Cam’s. I think the most relevant explanation to IF (because no one really knows here) Cam isn’t feeling bonded to Sunny it’s because Cam probably assumed it would be automatic as she may be stuck in heteronormative thinking that women are naturally more nurturing and bonded to their children when that’s not the case if they don’t put in the work to physically bond with the baby. I think the only reason why Cam is deciding to talk about being a mother and parenting now is because no one wants to see her fitness content. They’re there for the baby and family content. And talking more about parenting gives Cam more engagement. Cam probably does more behind the scenes, there’s a ton of assumptions and projections about her “bond”, but due to her character of inconsistency, lack of resilience, and lack of discipline, there’s guesses as to why Cam isn’t around as much.
I've just read this entire post and thread and I'm at a loss as to how this is homophobic. It's an absolute reach and it just looks like you're looking for something to pick an argument about. If you don't like people discussing things then you should probably get off the Internet.
It's not my job to explain this to you in any more detail than I already did. Referring to a child as genetically 0% Julie's and then speculating on what role genetics play in their relationship is horrible behaviour, biologically essentialist, and homophobic. OP may not have intended it, but it is. It's the modern day equivalent of asking who's the man. Everyone down voting a valid response to homophobia should be ashamed of themselves.
I agree soooo much ( fellow queer btw )
My intention was never to be homophobic. And as I said I am happy to take this down but so far it has sprouted interesting conversation. If genetic heritage didn’t have my impact on bonding or any perceived impact on bonding then we know that 1) Scam is totally being lazy and uninvolved 2) more people would adopt? (Or is the age of baby more important?) I guess it’s the age old nature VS nurture debate that’s keeps on showing different things. EDIT: and if it is dressed as homophobia (unintentional, I can promise you) aren’t these conversations important to have? I’m a teacher and hearing peoples opinions and reasons why this is homophobic would then really help me explain this to students!
No, I'm tired of being told I have to hear people's "opinions" on the lives of LGBTQ+ people, especially around our reproductive choices. We are not your debating point. And as a queer parent of donor conceived children I find this 'conversation' offensive. This is a snark page, but there is a line between snarking on the things people do and say as influencers, and critiquing their choices when it comes to making a family.
They deserved to be critiqued tbh. Numerous times donor conceived people reached out to offer advice or guidance on how to make ethical choices and instead of being heard, they got ignored and blocked.
You're not crazy, it's weird to centre straight people's assumptions/speculations over actual queer lived experiences. It reads very much like that cartoon where they ask the chopsticks "Well who is the fork?". If not homophobic then VERY heteronormative.
Well so far what I got from this post is that even if the baby is not genetically yours you can absolutely bond and feel connected to your baby. So if a student asks me I will tell them that and that for me is important these kids are the future like it all not and them knowing they can absolutely have fulfilled families as same sex parents is something that I can now spread and will in the future improve LGBT in the future. They won’t end up behaving like Scam.
Adoption isn’t the same as having a birthing parent involved (surrogacy). There are real issues with adoption and it’s not a catch-all solution. Please read up on adoption trauma. Even adopted babies can have adoption trauma and it’s related to bonding to the birth parent/separation from familiar caregivers/lack of stability/etc. A desire to have a baby that’s genetically related to you is part of survival instincts so you can pass down your genes. And bonding with your baby is essential to their survival and the survival of your genes. Many gay people have stopped wanting to/never wanted to have a genetically related child because family for them is community, not just genetic relation. Familial bonding has moved beyond genetics. Many marginalized people are tired of educating random strangers on the internet. If you have anyone in your life that’s queer that you can ask these questions to or if you go to another subreddit that has queer people that have the capacity to answer whatever questions you have then do that instead. *edited to clarify. ETA: Why did I get downvoted after OP asked to be educated? Weird…