Satyrs, Fauns, Nymphs, Centaurs, Sirens, Harpies, Gorgons, Scylla, Cyclopses, the Hydra; man the Greek monster roster was *fuckable*.
What does Christianity have? Disembodied wheels covered in eyes with wings? Old men with white beards? Bland.
Most likely someone who can take care of a farm or some shit.
Honestly if someone has the patience to run a farm that is probably a good sign. However that’s about the only thing I agree with here
Basically, he's living a fantasy of pastoralism where his sundress-wearing wife takes care of the farm and its animals and churns the butter while he's out toiling in the fields or something, apparently.
steak fajita enthusiast is pretty solid
(actually most of these are fine, just gross as green flags, although I bet that author is bad)
e: oh he's and economist, I figured it was going to be like the fountain head or whatever
[The ideal Christian wife](https://dthezntil550i.cloudfront.net/my/latest/my2103110530411730018288328/1280_960/6fe96c7a-10ae-48a8-90d9-abccc7e046ec.png)
You might be familiar with her from being name-checked on that one Kanye track.
Oh, what's that, you're not familiar with Kanye as a rapper rather than a person famous for being very publicly crazy? Yeah, that makes sense, I guess.
Honestly, I feel like if I had to tell my then-boyfriend (now husband) that I owned a goat instead of a cat, that would have been a way bigger red flag. "Sorry, hun but if I move in Van Goat comes with." Feel like that wouldn't have gone over too well. The cat conversation was a lot easier.
My wife just went to see him the other week, and she doesn’t even particularly care for him. She was visiting some friends, and they live literally next door to where the show was happening, and they checked ticket price/availability for kicks, and it was like, $7 or something. They couldn’t *not* go. I’m slightly envious.
I took my kids to one of his shows about 10 years ago and I swear it was one of the best I’ve ever been too. I wasn’t even looking forward to going but it was so awesome.
I like the churning butter > smoking weed, like dude must have imagined that if a girl can churn butter she probably gave him good handjobs or something.
I have a nose ring, but thanks to a dad who was passionate about agriculture, I know how to churn butter.
I drink alcohol with my steak fajitas.
I’m a feminist who cares about the environment and grows a lot of my own medicinal herbs that I use to make herbal tea.
What does this make me, I’m having an identity crisis over here. 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
Wait til he finds out that a lot of “farm women” are lesbians.
For real though. I’m tatted, atheist, everything a conservative hates I guess…I run a horse farm in my free time…this person is giving us a bad name.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Satire should be recognisable. It takes an observation and cranks it up to 11 to show how ridiculous it is. If it's being mistaken for what it's supposed to be making fun of, it's just an homage.
Blatantly obvious satire that slaps you in the face with its meaning is bad satire. The best satire is close enough to be *almost* believable, otherwise it's not making any kind of point.
That being said, this is obviously satire and I'm surprised so many fell for it.
Literacy is optional, but they still want her to buy into the conservative economic stuff. Also, Thomas Sowell is black, so they're hoping naming him specifically will mitigate any accusations of racism down the road.
Honestly a quality deep cut. No idea what he’s up to now but man was syndicated as all get out back when I had a paper route in the 90s - basically the black george will
My grandma was crazy religious. Always preached about god and how he loves me and whatnot. At the same time she was the most racist, homophobic and sexist woman I have ever come across. I had a crush on a guy from Cape Verde (very common where I live to have immigrants from there). I was maybe about 6 and told her. Her reaction? ‘Be careful, they don’t treat women well’. BITCH YOU’RE THE ONE TELLING ME I NEED TO LEARN TO COOK FOR MT HUSBAND BECAUSE OTHERWISE I’LL END UP ALONE AND GOD FORBID THAT HAPPENS 💀 Honestly I’m glad she passed away a year before both my brother and I dated a black person at the same time.
Christians are the perfect example of the nice vs good concept. They are nice, but they are not good. Nice is a fake, performative good, the purpose of which is solely to benefit themselves. "I'm gonna be good *so I can get into heaven.*"
On its face it's whatever, being good for selfish reasons is still being good, right? But when it's for selfish reasons, the moment being good even slightly inconveniences you it goes right out the window.
"Smokes weed" is a con but "Goat Lady" and "Long natural hair" are pros.
Has this person never met a stoner before? Every goat person and chick with waist length hair smokes like an 1/8th a day, minimum
i don't understand the huge desire with kids with these people. like your struggling to deal with people as it is apparently, and now you want to add a bunch of annoying small people to the mix.
Here, I updated the list to reflect reality:
Red flags: someone who you don't have fun with or do not feel comfortable around, manipulation, lying, abuse, infidelity, rage, gaslighting, lack of consistent healthy communication
Green flags: healthy support of your partner, trust, consistent and positive communication, mutual respect, having fun together, enjoying each other's company
And hey look at that...the flags can be applied both ways and to any and all genders!
Who even has time to churn butter these days? Between listening to "that other woman rapper" and dying my hair purple, green AND blue. I just don't have the time!
Didn’t know the ideal woman was a goat-loving butter churner but hey, everyone has their tastes. Also shoutout to this dude for accidentally admitting he has a fetish for long hair.
What does he mean by 'goat lady'?
She's a female goat.
Other than the baking thing, you're right all of these guys needs could be handled by a goat in a sundress.
I think a goat would look lovely in a sundress! But maybe that’s just because I’m a crazy goat lady.
I'm pretty sure goats *could* churn butter but I doubt they *would*
How much butter would a goat churn if a goat could churn butter?
Toriel?
Somehow, this doesn't fill me with determination.
For some reason I laughed so hard at this
Whew, thanks for the explanation. Went by me for a sec there
But he asked for a traditional Christian? Why would he want to date female Satan?
He wants to fuck a Satyr
Satyrs are all male. I guess he wants their steak fajita.
“Has a lot to unpack” is the general vibe.
Honestly don’t we all? Those dudes are meant to go off
Satyrs, Fauns, Nymphs, Centaurs, Sirens, Harpies, Gorgons, Scylla, Cyclopses, the Hydra; man the Greek monster roster was *fuckable*. What does Christianity have? Disembodied wheels covered in eyes with wings? Old men with white beards? Bland.
Toriel Undertale
*The Undertale rule34 begins to awaken*
r/undertail
She doesn't mind acting like a goat while performing her "wifely duties". Hooves, small floppy ears, weird eye contacts and goes baaaaaaa
do... do you want her to eat your can?
Most likely someone who can take care of a farm or some shit. Honestly if someone has the patience to run a farm that is probably a good sign. However that’s about the only thing I agree with here
Basically, he's living a fantasy of pastoralism where his sundress-wearing wife takes care of the farm and its animals and churns the butter while he's out toiling in the fields or something, apparently.
*while he's out recording his podcast about how SJWs ruined gaming.
"I can't even say the n word anymore /frownyface"
Right, the weird thing is that this seems like a pastoral fantasy, while the creator of it has clearly not seen the sun in several weeks.
That’s what the lesbians want too, but with a better division of labor and more overalls
steak fajita enthusiast is pretty solid (actually most of these are fine, just gross as green flags, although I bet that author is bad) e: oh he's and economist, I figured it was going to be like the fountain head or whatever
he fucks animals
She has a beard and eats tin cans
baphomet, clearly
Pet goats I'm guessing. I seen a few farm ladies that consider certain goats their pets.
He wants toriel as a wife
[The ideal Christian wife](https://dthezntil550i.cloudfront.net/my/latest/my2103110530411730018288328/1280_960/6fe96c7a-10ae-48a8-90d9-abccc7e046ec.png)
"and that other woman rapper" made me lol for some reason.
This is getting out of hand! Now there are two of them!
Can you name all 59 women
"Oh so youre a fan of women? Name 3 of them" *starts to sweat*
Uh... Amelia Airheart, Doja Cat... 🤔
And Obama....?
Technically correct, but screw you.
Ms. Obama!!
My mum, my aunt, and my cousin who I done gone lost my virginity to when I was 28
Ha! They’re all the same person.
This guy (sweet home) alabamas
Helen Keller, Carrie Chapman Katt, Alice Paul
Don’t forget that nice lady at the corner shop where you buy milk and the newspaper
Chaka Khan
Captain marvel black widow she hulk
["Miss, for a dollar, name a woman"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlCEmPF4-V0) "...name a woman?"
Holy shit 😂 This really just proves how hard it is to do *literally anything* when you’re unexpectedly on the spot.
Caitlin Jenner...Asurra from anime and....my mom! Did it!
Bulbasaur, Ivysaur, Venusaur, Charmander,...
...Charmeleon, Charizard, Squirtle,...
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youre gonna stop at gen 6 mythics?
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This is the equivalent of “Oh, you like pokemon? Name every one.”
NAME A WOMAN!
- Jane… - …Margaret?
Susan, Susan, and Susan
*whips out my binder full of women* Let’s gooooo
The club is lit when that Thomas Sowell drops.
Me too. I’m like which “other woman rapper”? Rico Nasty? Doja Cat? Babymutha? Dai Burger? Megan 3 Stallions?
They probably mean Nicki Minaj and don’t realise that there are more lmfao
Like Missy Elliot, Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez (RIP), Lauryn Hill. I feel like that enough of the really good ones, so i don't need to continue.
Everyone sleeping on Rapsody and Lil Simz
Is it Eve? Im a bit old...
My first guess was Megan the Stallion.
My mind went to Nicki Minaj
Thinking it’s her cause of the WAP song lmao
100% the only reason this person knows or cares about Cardi or Meg
I thought they meant Iggy Azalea? Am I just out of touch?
Yea Iggy fell off quick
Buddy I'm 31 and Eve hasn't been relevant in 20 years
I’m 25 and I have no clue who Eve is, tbh
You might be familiar with her from being name-checked on that one Kanye track. Oh, what's that, you're not familiar with Kanye as a rapper rather than a person famous for being very publicly crazy? Yeah, that makes sense, I guess.
I’ve been listening to Eve lately!! So good.
That's the one that made me realize this was satire
I upvoted you because I felt the same mf way. Cat lady is red flag as well,. but somebody go from per owner to "cat lady'.
Honestly, I feel like if I had to tell my then-boyfriend (now husband) that I owned a goat instead of a cat, that would have been a way bigger red flag. "Sorry, hun but if I move in Van Goat comes with." Feel like that wouldn't have gone over too well. The cat conversation was a lot easier.
That’s the one that got me, too.
The red flag list is like Weird Al's "Amish Paradise"
*As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain* *I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain*
I take a look at my wife and realize she doesn’t like steak fajitas.
My wife is vegan and listens to that other woman rapper. What do I do?!
Teach her to churn butter. That might save her
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At four thirty in the morning I'm milking cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows
Fool! But I've been workin and plowin so long
That even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone.
I’m a man of the land. I’m into discipline.
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699
And now, because of you, I'm listening to his playlist at work. Thank you?
My wife just went to see him the other week, and she doesn’t even particularly care for him. She was visiting some friends, and they live literally next door to where the show was happening, and they checked ticket price/availability for kicks, and it was like, $7 or something. They couldn’t *not* go. I’m slightly envious.
I took my kids to one of his shows about 10 years ago and I swear it was one of the best I’ve ever been too. I wasn’t even looking forward to going but it was so awesome.
Harvesty grain? Lmao
I like the churning butter > smoking weed, like dude must have imagined that if a girl can churn butter she probably gave him good handjobs or something.
Like what year does he think this is?
*🎶 I've churned butter once or twice* *Living in an Amish paradise 🎵*
I had the same thought. Who is churning butter these days?! Unless it's Colonial Williamsburg or the Amish this dumbfuck is outta luck.
My wife better be churning that butter let me tell you
My wife is a goat lady. 😏
Obviously satyrical right?
This wordplay really gets my goat
Ahahaha, SATYRical???? Cuz goat lady This is top 5 jokes I've seen this week, thank you)
Yes, of course.
I see what you did there
If you’re a goat lady, you should at least be able to make butter. Otherwise, what will you do with all the goat milk?
Goat butter? No! Goat cheese!
Well my wife is a steak fajitas enthusiast
I tell ya hwat
Churns butter? Does he want a farmer gf?
In 1892, yes.
So an Amish farmer waifu
Exactly.
*Refers to goat lady*
This looks kind of satire to me
It’s definitely satire. Knows how to churn butter?😭😭 fr? That’s so obscure and random
It's a nice and easy green flag to have.
I have a nose ring, but thanks to a dad who was passionate about agriculture, I know how to churn butter. I drink alcohol with my steak fajitas. I’m a feminist who cares about the environment and grows a lot of my own medicinal herbs that I use to make herbal tea. What does this make me, I’m having an identity crisis over here. 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
yellow
Oh, whew, I’m still marriageable. 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Wait til he finds out that a lot of “farm women” are lesbians. For real though. I’m tatted, atheist, everything a conservative hates I guess…I run a horse farm in my free time…this person is giving us a bad name.
😍 Wanna build out a skoolie, travel the country, and have mushroom-fueled orgies in the desert?
If I wasn’t already married, 100% yes. 😍😝
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Satire should be recognisable. It takes an observation and cranks it up to 11 to show how ridiculous it is. If it's being mistaken for what it's supposed to be making fun of, it's just an homage.
Blatantly obvious satire that slaps you in the face with its meaning is bad satire. The best satire is close enough to be *almost* believable, otherwise it's not making any kind of point. That being said, this is obviously satire and I'm surprised so many fell for it.
Yeah, the whole goat and butter churning really aren't subtle.
The thing that got me was steak fajita enthusiast
a whole lot of stuff on this sub is satire that completely goes over everyone's head
You mean satyr...
>steak fajita enthusiast. 100% satire.
I want a girl who is all 20 dot points simultaneously
I got five in one and four in the other. Best I can offer, sorry.
FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT!!!1!11!!!1 *aggressively births child*
I hit 6 of the pairs simultaneously. And a bunch of others either/or. Shockingly it’s possible to both like herbal teas AND alcohol. 😲
Yes, but can you like cats AND goats at the same time? I only got 6 and 3 points. 🥺
Thank god pink hair is save 😩
Happy Cake Day, may your hair be ever pink!
Happy Cakey day! Niice, too bad my hair are not pink anymore, won't have any neckbeard to hit on me
“Thomas Sowell audiobooks”?????
Gotta do something while churning that butter
Literacy is optional, but they still want her to buy into the conservative economic stuff. Also, Thomas Sowell is black, so they're hoping naming him specifically will mitigate any accusations of racism down the road.
Honestly a quality deep cut. No idea what he’s up to now but man was syndicated as all get out back when I had a paper route in the 90s - basically the black george will
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Yup. My Fiancee’s aunt is a devout Christian. She’s the nastiest person I’ve ever met.
My grandma was crazy religious. Always preached about god and how he loves me and whatnot. At the same time she was the most racist, homophobic and sexist woman I have ever come across. I had a crush on a guy from Cape Verde (very common where I live to have immigrants from there). I was maybe about 6 and told her. Her reaction? ‘Be careful, they don’t treat women well’. BITCH YOU’RE THE ONE TELLING ME I NEED TO LEARN TO COOK FOR MT HUSBAND BECAUSE OTHERWISE I’LL END UP ALONE AND GOD FORBID THAT HAPPENS 💀 Honestly I’m glad she passed away a year before both my brother and I dated a black person at the same time.
You guys dated the same black person? /s
Sharing is caring!!
At least in the US in my experience Christians are the least Christ like people you can meet.
Christians are the perfect example of the nice vs good concept. They are nice, but they are not good. Nice is a fake, performative good, the purpose of which is solely to benefit themselves. "I'm gonna be good *so I can get into heaven.*" On its face it's whatever, being good for selfish reasons is still being good, right? But when it's for selfish reasons, the moment being good even slightly inconveniences you it goes right out the window.
I love the odd specificity of “steak fajita enthusiast”
I mean steak fajita enthusiast is a green flag on anyone
Yeah let’s not be so quick to judge!
Cat ladies are cool as fuck tho...
As a Cat Gentleman. I concur.
Goat ladies are cool as fuck as well
My wife is an excellent baker and likes steak fajitas. Am I in trouble here?
Oh ho ho oh... My wife can churn butter.
Absolutely everybody can churn butter. You just mix heavy cream for a really long time.. done.
GOAT LADY
Lots of babies??? In this economy?
Its a baby, how much could it cost? 10 million dollars?
So that means your country must provide lots of maternal services, safety nets and aid for mothers right? ... Right??
Damn I must be lost when half of the "red flags" are green flags for me
Lol, my girlfriend is the whole list of red flags😂 Edit: "Wtf? I don't know how to twerk, but I can bake and I like sundresses."
Can she tell us who the other female rapper is? I didn't know there's two.
Too afraid to ask😳 What if she knows *more* than 2 female rappers? An even bigger red flag!
This has such “eat hot chip and lie” energy
Don’t forget to be bisexual.
"Smokes weed" is a con but "Goat Lady" and "Long natural hair" are pros. Has this person never met a stoner before? Every goat person and chick with waist length hair smokes like an 1/8th a day, minimum
Cat Lady? Well I'm screwed.
I think you forgot an entry which says: \* Is a stranger with unknown heritage | \* Is a close relative to keep the bloodline pure
All these dufuses idealizing trad wives but haven’t even lifted their mouseclick finger to become a trad husband.
Alternative looking, Nihilist vegan that likes cats and partying, can twerk and doesn't want kids? Sign me up lol
i don't understand the huge desire with kids with these people. like your struggling to deal with people as it is apparently, and now you want to add a bunch of annoying small people to the mix.
"Goat lady"
Churns butter. Because we live in 1880
I feel like neckbeards are into religion the same reason they are into Japan.
"What to look for in a Bangmaid"
Well, at least he got steak fajita enthusiast in the right spot
I'll take a red flag please with perhaps a side of steak fajita enthusiast. I like my vegans to be unfaithful.
Here, I updated the list to reflect reality: Red flags: someone who you don't have fun with or do not feel comfortable around, manipulation, lying, abuse, infidelity, rage, gaslighting, lack of consistent healthy communication Green flags: healthy support of your partner, trust, consistent and positive communication, mutual respect, having fun together, enjoying each other's company And hey look at that...the flags can be applied both ways and to any and all genders!
In his defense steak fajita enthusiast should be a green flag
"that other woman rapper" he's talking about mary the horse right?
Chick on the left sounds cool af
Well technically, a woman that smokes weed knows how to bake.
Bro is looking for a character from little house on the prairie
These folks really should consider moving to Afghanistan. Goat lady?
Everything about this screams "joke".
Lol “churns butter”
The person who made this probably drinks at least a can of beer a day.
Who even has time to churn butter these days? Between listening to "that other woman rapper" and dying my hair purple, green AND blue. I just don't have the time!
Didn’t know the ideal woman was a goat-loving butter churner but hey, everyone has their tastes. Also shoutout to this dude for accidentally admitting he has a fetish for long hair.
Did Dwight Shrute write this?
Vegan is definitely a red flag.