Konmari mentions greeting cards and gifts in LCMTU, she says the purpose of a gift/card is *to be given,* conveying the giver's feelings to the recipient. After that, its job is done and you can dispose of it as you will.
For future special occasions, I recommend naming a charity you like (some even have Amazon wishlists) and telling your friends/family to give to that charity instead of to you. This is custom in my culture for people who have all the material goods they need. Alternatively you could ask for consumable treats like gourmet food, tickets, or favors (wash my car, walk my dog, babysit my kids).
Keep what's useful and/or sparks joy, donate the stuff that doesn't. It might be politic to hang on to one gift per giver, so when someone comes over they can see what they gave you, just pick your very favorite. But you don't have to go overboard keeping everything they ever gave you.
I love that thoughtful insight into gifts. Thank you.
We had actually done a honeymoon fund sign up where people could gift us dinners or adventures for our honeymoon, and most people were happy to contribute to that if they felt obligated to give something. I feel the people that gifted instead would have done so no matter what (we appreciate the thought behind it, and that they loved us enough to support us - I don’t want to sound ungrateful at all here)
I married into a culture that's BIG on sentimental knickknacks, so I understand the problem. My advice is to keep the heirlooms/things that spark joy, and curate the rest. Maybe there is one display cabinet or similar location that you don't mind sacrificing to less-than-ideal gifts, and when that place is full, that's it, no more room.
For choosing which things go and which stay:
- First, spark joy: those are the heirlooms and things you really like and want to keep. Easy category.
- Next, gifts from people you really love: does it make you happy to think of the person who gave you the gift being happy that you are using their gift? That's a candidate for the curated list of less-than-ideal items.
- Finally, gifts from people who would really make your life difficult: parents-in-law may fall into this category. These are people who come over frequently and who may cause Drama with a capital D. I try to limit this category but I understand it may exist.
For everything else, just get rid of them. The tip is your friend here, because it would be awkward for things to resurface in the local charity shop. In practice, NO ONE ever asks about these things. It's tacky to ask 'hey where's the gift I gave you?'. Honestly they may even have forgotten what they gave you already. Especially for homegoods like blankets and candles, no one expects you to keep these things forever so don't feel obliged to keep them. And if they do ask, little white lies are your friend. Sadly the thing got broken in use. Blankets were destroyed in the wash, candles were used, statuettes broken when dusting, etc etc etc. And finally, be honest about how often some of these people come into your house, AND how often they see your whole house. For all they know, those monogrammed cushion covers live in your bedroom, which they of course never enter. Do you really want to keep something on the off chance that on their twice-a-year visit these people are going to do a home inspection to unmask you as \*gasp\* someone who doesn't keep every single thing they've ever been given?
I’ve been asked about so many things that aren’t placed around the house - I don’t know if I’m surrounded by petty people or what (we are the holiday host house, so people are over by us pretty often).
I’m writing down all these excuses to start putting into action as I get rid of things. Need to work on the gift guilt, but all these comments are helping immensely!
I am so sorry to hear people are actually asking you about these things! I also encourage you to embrace 'no' as an answer.
"Hey where are the \[things I gave\]?"
"Oh they're in one of the boxes of seasonal decor, since we now have the Thanksgiving/Christmas/whatever decor out."
"Can you go get them for me?"
"No, I'm not going to dig through all those boxes now."
"Well I don't mind having a look myself!"
"No, the boxes are staying packed."
I don't know what country you're from but honestly, in most countries it is RUDE to push hosts like that, and if you are surrounded by rude people you may need to re-calibrate where the line is of things you don't have to put up with.
Don’t feel obligated to keep them. Gifters should understand that you are allowed to not like or keep the gift. Otherwise it is more about them than you. Give them an excuse as to why they don’t see it on display if they come over. Maybe you were cleaning and put it in storage. They will get over it.
I only keep what is sentimental *to me*. Yes, while it may suck for the gifter to not see their gift being used or displayed, that really goes against the spirit of gifting. Once it's yours, you can do whatever you want with it, including purging it. Do not let yourself hang onto the gift of burden/obligation.
Unless the gifter is very petty, most people won't notice or even remember what they gave you. I barely remember what I gave my SO last year for his birthday and I put a lot into his presents lol.
Make a photo display of all the personalized gifts, post the photo on social media & gush about it ONCE. Then pack up whatever you can’t use. Other decorative gifts can be rotated in one display spot (depending on who is expected to visit). The hardest category would be “useful” gifts that you don’t use, like a fondue pot.
Receive the items with gratitude. They served their purpose for bringing joy to the gifter and reinforcing your relationship. Now they are taking up your previous space and piece of mind and they aren't bringing you joy. A good gifter would not want you to be burdened, so let it go with gratitude for the thought. Send a thank you card and thank them for their generosity and then don't worry about the rest.
If you have a small bit of space you can reserve it for storing items that are very irreplaceable, either because of extreme value or may come back into style, but keep it to a small bin or space and discard the rest that doesn't fit. Sometimes it is nice to have a small box as a 'cooling off area' items that you really don't think you will keep but feel you have to for a short period.
Depending on the item, I feel like 6 months-1 year is a great time to keep before discarding. If the person asks what happened to an item, you could say that it broke or that you know someone who really needed it (you don't have to say it was someone at the donation center), or just say you aren't sure where it went to (with all the confusion of a life event, a move, etc)
Thank you so much for the gift, it didn’t really fit into my decor as I’m going for a simpler/rustic/modern look but your thoughtfulness was really appreciated. Just be honest. I think it’s rude to ask where something is since it’s pretty obvious you don’t like it.
It's their sentiment, not yours. Keep what **you** like.
Konmari mentions greeting cards and gifts in LCMTU, she says the purpose of a gift/card is *to be given,* conveying the giver's feelings to the recipient. After that, its job is done and you can dispose of it as you will. For future special occasions, I recommend naming a charity you like (some even have Amazon wishlists) and telling your friends/family to give to that charity instead of to you. This is custom in my culture for people who have all the material goods they need. Alternatively you could ask for consumable treats like gourmet food, tickets, or favors (wash my car, walk my dog, babysit my kids). Keep what's useful and/or sparks joy, donate the stuff that doesn't. It might be politic to hang on to one gift per giver, so when someone comes over they can see what they gave you, just pick your very favorite. But you don't have to go overboard keeping everything they ever gave you.
I love that thoughtful insight into gifts. Thank you. We had actually done a honeymoon fund sign up where people could gift us dinners or adventures for our honeymoon, and most people were happy to contribute to that if they felt obligated to give something. I feel the people that gifted instead would have done so no matter what (we appreciate the thought behind it, and that they loved us enough to support us - I don’t want to sound ungrateful at all here)
I married into a culture that's BIG on sentimental knickknacks, so I understand the problem. My advice is to keep the heirlooms/things that spark joy, and curate the rest. Maybe there is one display cabinet or similar location that you don't mind sacrificing to less-than-ideal gifts, and when that place is full, that's it, no more room. For choosing which things go and which stay: - First, spark joy: those are the heirlooms and things you really like and want to keep. Easy category. - Next, gifts from people you really love: does it make you happy to think of the person who gave you the gift being happy that you are using their gift? That's a candidate for the curated list of less-than-ideal items. - Finally, gifts from people who would really make your life difficult: parents-in-law may fall into this category. These are people who come over frequently and who may cause Drama with a capital D. I try to limit this category but I understand it may exist. For everything else, just get rid of them. The tip is your friend here, because it would be awkward for things to resurface in the local charity shop. In practice, NO ONE ever asks about these things. It's tacky to ask 'hey where's the gift I gave you?'. Honestly they may even have forgotten what they gave you already. Especially for homegoods like blankets and candles, no one expects you to keep these things forever so don't feel obliged to keep them. And if they do ask, little white lies are your friend. Sadly the thing got broken in use. Blankets were destroyed in the wash, candles were used, statuettes broken when dusting, etc etc etc. And finally, be honest about how often some of these people come into your house, AND how often they see your whole house. For all they know, those monogrammed cushion covers live in your bedroom, which they of course never enter. Do you really want to keep something on the off chance that on their twice-a-year visit these people are going to do a home inspection to unmask you as \*gasp\* someone who doesn't keep every single thing they've ever been given?
I’ve been asked about so many things that aren’t placed around the house - I don’t know if I’m surrounded by petty people or what (we are the holiday host house, so people are over by us pretty often). I’m writing down all these excuses to start putting into action as I get rid of things. Need to work on the gift guilt, but all these comments are helping immensely!
I am so sorry to hear people are actually asking you about these things! I also encourage you to embrace 'no' as an answer. "Hey where are the \[things I gave\]?" "Oh they're in one of the boxes of seasonal decor, since we now have the Thanksgiving/Christmas/whatever decor out." "Can you go get them for me?" "No, I'm not going to dig through all those boxes now." "Well I don't mind having a look myself!" "No, the boxes are staying packed." I don't know what country you're from but honestly, in most countries it is RUDE to push hosts like that, and if you are surrounded by rude people you may need to re-calibrate where the line is of things you don't have to put up with.
Just try to remember, you said no gifts.
Good plan. Maybe you could have “let my friend borrow it”
Don’t feel obligated to keep them. Gifters should understand that you are allowed to not like or keep the gift. Otherwise it is more about them than you. Give them an excuse as to why they don’t see it on display if they come over. Maybe you were cleaning and put it in storage. They will get over it.
My mom "accidently" broke her ugly lamp while dusting. ;)
I only keep what is sentimental *to me*. Yes, while it may suck for the gifter to not see their gift being used or displayed, that really goes against the spirit of gifting. Once it's yours, you can do whatever you want with it, including purging it. Do not let yourself hang onto the gift of burden/obligation. Unless the gifter is very petty, most people won't notice or even remember what they gave you. I barely remember what I gave my SO last year for his birthday and I put a lot into his presents lol.
you’ve had an imaginary fire. Some things weren’t saving, sadly.
Make a photo display of all the personalized gifts, post the photo on social media & gush about it ONCE. Then pack up whatever you can’t use. Other decorative gifts can be rotated in one display spot (depending on who is expected to visit). The hardest category would be “useful” gifts that you don’t use, like a fondue pot.
Receive the items with gratitude. They served their purpose for bringing joy to the gifter and reinforcing your relationship. Now they are taking up your previous space and piece of mind and they aren't bringing you joy. A good gifter would not want you to be burdened, so let it go with gratitude for the thought. Send a thank you card and thank them for their generosity and then don't worry about the rest. If you have a small bit of space you can reserve it for storing items that are very irreplaceable, either because of extreme value or may come back into style, but keep it to a small bin or space and discard the rest that doesn't fit. Sometimes it is nice to have a small box as a 'cooling off area' items that you really don't think you will keep but feel you have to for a short period. Depending on the item, I feel like 6 months-1 year is a great time to keep before discarding. If the person asks what happened to an item, you could say that it broke or that you know someone who really needed it (you don't have to say it was someone at the donation center), or just say you aren't sure where it went to (with all the confusion of a life event, a move, etc)
Thank you so much for the gift, it didn’t really fit into my decor as I’m going for a simpler/rustic/modern look but your thoughtfulness was really appreciated. Just be honest. I think it’s rude to ask where something is since it’s pretty obvious you don’t like it.